Avalon Time - The Thousand Dollars

Summary

Podcast Summary: Avalon Time – "The Thousand Dollars"

Podcast: Harold's Old Time Radio
Host: Harold’s Old Time Radio
Episode Date: March 17, 2026
Episode Title: Avalon Time - The Thousand Dollars

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Overview

This episode of "Avalon Time" delivers a delightful blend of music, old-time comedy, and advertising charm characteristic of radio’s Golden Age. With central stars Red Skelton, Red Foley, Phil Davis, Ms. Stilwell, Del King, and the Avalon Cigarettes Announcer, listeners are offered a whimsical half-hour of musical numbers, vaudevillian banter, and skits, all revolving around the winning (and quick spending) of a $1,000 prize.

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Key Segments & Discussion Points

1. Opening Banter and Avalon Cigarette Plug

Timestamps: 00:04 – 01:44

• The show integrates its sponsor (Avalon Cigarettes) into comedic routines, notably with playful references to how Avalons cost less, culminating in the running catchphrase: "You never guess, but Avalon's cost you less.”
• The introduction features Del King presenting Red Skelton, with a joke about Del’s mustache setting the jovial, vaudeville tone.
• Notable Quote:
  • Del King: “He has a mustache that's so big, every time he sneezes, it cracks like a whip.” (00:47)

2. Red Skelton’s Standup: Bargains and Florida

Timestamps: 01:44 – 03:15

• Red Skelton tells a story about buying a suit — expecting an “English eaton” but getting “moth eaton” instead, highlighting the show’s wordplay and puns.
• He jokes about his Florida vacation, lampooning luxury hotels and politicians.
• Notable Quote:
  • Red Skelton: “I wanted one of those English eaton suits for $35, but the guy sold me one that was moth eaton for $7.50.” (01:15)

3. Musical Interlude and Cigarette Comparison

Timestamps: 03:16 – 06:41

• Phil Davis and the band play a number (ambiguous, but possibly “Begin the Beguine”).
• The Avalon Cigarette Announcer converses with Red Skelton, turning a description of a day in the park into an extended Avalon cigarette advert, blending sponsor messaging with humor and surreal imagery (robins chirping the slogan, fountains “babbling” union-made tobacco info).
• Notable Quotes:
  • Announcer: “Even the bubbling fountain seemed to be saying they're 100% union made from mellow, ripe Turkish and domestic tobaccos...” (06:10)
  • Red Skelton: “Say, that bubbling brook sure is doing a lot of babbling, wasn't it?” (06:22)

4. Red Foley’s Musical Number: "On the Sunny Side of the Street"

Timestamps: 07:29 – 09:37

• Red Foley, introduced as the “singing star of Avalon Time,” performs this cheerful classic with the Avalon Chorus, lifting the show's mood and exemplifying the era’s musical highlights.

5. "The Thousand Dollars" Storyline

Timestamps: 09:37 – 15:12

• The narrative turns to Red Skelton’s comedic misadventures after (satirically) winning a $1,000 “booby prize” for failing a movie quiz.
• Ms. Stilwell, the quick-witted secretary, spars with Skelton about his finances, his choice of investments, and his penchant for dubious deals.
• Red is tricked out of $200 by a conman representing the “Fly-By-Night Bird Company” — a sharp jab at get-rich-quick schemes.
• Notable Exchange:
  • Ms. Stilwell: “Gee, can I touch it or isn't the money dry yet?” (10:05)
  • Red Skelton: “You won’t believe this, but for $200 I bought controlling interest in the Chicago River.” (11:36)
  • Ms. Stilwell: “He takes your pencil, shows you nothing, and you give him $200. Don’t you realize the man is stealing from you?” (14:45)

6. Musical Performance: "The Masquerade Is Over"

Timestamps: 15:25 – 17:45

• Emotional singing by Jeanette (likely one of the show's regulars), performing "The Masquerade Is Over," a torch song about lost love.

7. Avalon Time Advertising Segment

Timestamps: 17:51 – 21:04

• The Avalon Announcer delivers a direct, earnest pitch for Avalon Cigarettes, emphasizing value, union-made credentials, and the theme of “saving the difference.”
• Notable Quote:
  • Announcer: “Millions upon millions of other smokers are switching to Avalons and are getting more for their money. Why not get more for your money?” (17:51)

8. Comedic Reenactment: King Arthur Skelton’s Court

Timestamps: 21:04 – 26:22

• Red Skelton spins a tall tale about his “ancestry,” roleplaying as King Arthur in a farcical medieval skit, including Queen Guinevere, Sir Launcelot (here “Sir Long Slot Foley”), jousts, and jokes about armor.
• The medieval sendup is loaded with puns (“coat of arms” with 24 sleeves, “juice joust”) and slapstick dialogue.
• Notable Quotes:
  • Red Skelton: “Last night I went home for supper. And what do you think there was? Sirloin Slop Foley. She was sitting on his lap. You know what I think? She’s lap half. Boy, am I hungry. Gee, how I’d love to sit down at that round table and eat a square meal.” (22:58)
  • Ms. Stilwell: “Well, why don’t you do something about getting the Queen back? What are you, a man or a mouse?”
  • Red Skelton: “I don't know, but I'm pretty fond of cheese.” (23:19)
  • Red Skelton: “Get my coat. The one that has the 24 sleeves in it…my coat of arms.” (24:32)

9. Musical Close: “Penny Serenade”

Timestamps: 26:22 – 29:12

• Red Foley and the Avalon Chorus perform “Penny Serenade,” a sentimental piece characteristic of the 1930s, with the announcer tying the song’s theme to the value of Avalon cigarettes.
• Lyrics reinforce the show’s gentle, nostalgic feeling and highlight Foley’s vocal talents.

10. Closing Slogans and Sign-Off

Timestamps: 29:12 – end

• Standard tightly-woven closing with familiar cigarette slogans, a closing word from Red Skelton, and Del King’s signature goodnight.
• Notable Quote:
  • Announcer: “You’d never guess, but Avalons cost only $0.10 plus city or state tax.” (29:44)
  • Red Skelton: “So why not always reval on with Avalon?” (29:34)

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Memorable Quotes & Moments

• On Mustaches:
  Del King: “He has a mustache that's so big, every time he sneezes it cracks like a whip.” (00:47)

• On Bargains:
  Red Skelton: “I wanted one of those English eaton suits for $35, but the guy sold me one that was moth eaton for $7.50.” (01:15)

• On Losing Money:
  Ms. Stilwell: “He takes your pencil, shows you nothing, and you give him $200. Don't you realize the man is stealing from you?” (14:45)

• King Arthur Skit:
  Red Skelton: “Get my coat. The one that has the 24 sleeves in it…my coat of arms.” (24:32)
  Red Skelton: “I don’t know, but I’m pretty fond of cheese.” (23:19)

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Timestamps for Important Segments

• Opening and Avalon plug: 00:04 – 01:44
• Florida jokes and mustaches: 01:44 – 03:15
• Musical number: 03:15 – 05:10
• Park-to-cigarette segue: 05:16 – 07:11
• Red Foley musical feature: 07:29 – 09:37
• The “Thousand Dollars” comedy plot: 09:37 – 15:12
• "The Masquerade Is Over" song: 15:25 – 17:45
• Avalon Cigarette full pitch: 17:51 – 21:04
• "King Arthur Skelton" medieval skit: 21:04 – 26:22
• "Penny Serenade" musical finish: 26:22 – 29:12
• Closing signature and slogans: 29:12 – end

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Tone and Style

The episode oozes the playful irreverence and pun-driven humor characteristic of late 1930s radio comedy, making heavy use of musical numbers and extended, irreverently blended sponsor tie-ins. Red Skelton's down-to-earth persona, Ms. Stilwell’s quick retorts, and Del King's avuncular charm keep the episode brisk and engaging, even for modern listeners.

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Summary for New Listeners:
If you haven’t heard "Avalon Time: The Thousand Dollars," expect a mix of irrepressible Red Skelton standup, catchy period songs, absurd skits, and clever sponsor integration. The humor bounces from topical references to pure vaudeville wordplay, all wrapped in a cheerful, old-time radio atmosphere.

Transcript

[Avalon Cigarette Announcer]

A pack of Avalon cigarettes, please.

[Ms. Stilwell]

Yes, sir. Oh, just a moment, sir. Don't forget your change. You never guess, but Avalon's cost you less.

[Avalon Cigarette Announcer]

Oh, my God, I will. Avalon. Good evening, friends. Good evening.

[Del King]

This is Del King saying good morning. Welcome to Avalon Time with greetings from Red Foley and the entire company. But first tonight we want you to meet a man who is so punctual in his habits that he carries a watch in his hip pocket. He wants to be ahead of time. Red Skelton.

[Red Skelton]

Thank you very much, ladies and gentlemen. Thanks a lot. Good evening, everybody. Oh, by the way, that introduction was made by Del King, who is the winner of the NBC Announcers. That is a mustache derby they had last week. No kidding. Old Mustache Dill, we call him now. He won first prize. He has a mustache that's so big, every time he sneezes it cracks like a whip.

[Phil Davis]

Oh, gee.

[Red Skelton]

All the announcers in NBC, though, they have mustache that sort of helps them brush up on their English. But this morning, as we were coming out of the Motherland Plaza Hotel alley, I. I stopped into a place to get me a new spring suit. I wanted one of those English eaton suits for $35, but the guy sold me one that was moth eaton for $7.50. Really got a nice bargain, though. The guy threw in 14 straw hats and a pair of yellow buttoned shoes. Hello there, microphone.

[Red Foley]

Hello there, guillotine Skelton.

[Red Skelton]

Guillotine Skeleton.

[Avalon Cigarette Announcer]

Yeah, you're a pain in the neck.

[Red Skelton]

That was very unfunny tonight, my good friend, but you don't bother me.

[Phil Davis]

I feel great.

[Red Skelton]

I just got back from Florida. I was down there for a week' at a place called Panhandler's Rat. What a place. You gotta tip everybody. Even the coconut trees hold out their palms and. Expensive. No kidding. It was so high class. They serve frogs legs with spat. There are a lot of the hotel, though. There's a place, a European planned hotel and they have four clerks on the desk. Two to give you your bill and two to revive you. It was a European planned hotel, but they made you pay cash for everything. I didn't know they made you pay cash in Europe. I know one guy in Europe who was getting everything from checks. We had a lot of fun down there, though. I went swimming. There's a lot of people on the beach. I love to swim. I used the politician stroke, the underhand method. There were two old time Republicans standing on the beach and one of them said, say, if Dewey runs for president, you think he'll use the Same slogan he used at Manila Bay. Remember the Main? The Democrats standing by says, I don't think so. The Democrats been using that for the last three years, only they enlarged on it. Remember the Main and Vermont. Oh, to put a little life in the show. Phil Davis. And the boy's going to play a number. What are you going to play, Phil? Well, it's going to be Begin.

[Phil Davis]

The Begin.

[Red Skelton]

Be. Ah, that's really a band.

[Phil Davis]

Boy.

[Red Skelton]

Bob String helped out a little there, too. That was Phil Davis, ladies and gentlemen, playing the. The beginning. The big.

[Phil Davis]

Oh, hello.

[Red Skelton]

There, there, Peter Grant. How are you?

[Avalon Cigarette Announcer]

How are you?

[Red Skelton]

Yeah, you sure look happy tonight, boy.

[Avalon Cigarette Announcer]

I am happy, Red. I was walking through the park today and it was beautiful.

[Phil Davis]

Yeah?

[Avalon Cigarette Announcer]

Everything reminded me of Avalon. Cigarette?

[Red Skelton]

Oh, now, Peter. Not that sure.

[Avalon Cigarette Announcer]

Even the day itself, Red. You see, today is three to five days less than spring. And Avalon's, you know, cost three to five cents less per pack than other popular price brands. And believe me, believe me, Red, a saving like that turns into real money in a surprisingly short time.

[Red Skelton]

That last part didn't have anything to do with the park, did it?

[Avalon Cigarette Announcer]

No, no, that was. That was just Avalon. But today was such a perfect blend of a day, Red. It was so extra for a smooth, delightfully mild and. And thoroughly enjoyable.

[Red Skelton]

Just like Avalon. Yes, I must miss an awful lot when I go to the park. I never see any of those things.

[Avalon Cigarette Announcer]

Well, you know, Red, even the bubbling fountain seemed to be saying they're 100% union made from mellow, ripe Turkish and domestic tobaccos that have been aged in wood to completely bring out their rich, full flavor.

[Red Skelton]

Say, that bubbling brook show is doing a lot of babbling, wasn't it?

[Avalon Cigarette Announcer]

And you know what, Rad. You know, I think I saw a robin Red bread.

[Red Skelton]

Oh, you did?

[Avalon Cigarette Announcer]

And he looked as pretty as a pack of. Guess what.

[Red Skelton]

Let's see Avalon ride. Rhett, you're right. And the little.

[Avalon Cigarette Announcer]

The little fellow seemed to be chirping. You'd never guess they cost you less. You'd never guess they cost you less. And you know, Rhett, unconsciously I said to myself, the next time old man asks for Avalon and save the difference. And then just at that moment, a bell rang out in the steeple.

[Red Skelton]

Oh, how convenient.

[Avalon Cigarette Announcer]

I could have sworn. I could have sworn. Red, I heard Mary Jane say, and

[Ms. Stilwell]

don't forget your chain.

[Red Skelton]

Well, that's possible. Say, what part of the park did this all happen in?

[Avalon Cigarette Announcer]

Right near the Bridal tavern.

[Red Skelton]

That explains it. With all those horses around, you couldn't get your mind Off a plug.

[Phil Davis]

Right.

[Red Skelton]

There he is.

[Del King]

There he is, folks, the singing star of Avalon Time, Red Foley. Well, thank you, Del, and good evening, friends. I always figured one of the nicest places to be is on the sunny side of the street.

[Red Skelton]

And here is why.

[Red Foley]

Grab your cold, get your hand leave your worry on the doorstep Just direct your feet to the sunny side of the street can't you hear a pit, a pat and that happy tune is yourself Life can be so sweet on the sunny side of the street I used to walk in the shade with those blues on parade But I'm not afraid this rover crossed over if I never have a sin I'll be rich as Rockefeller Gold dust at my feet on the sunny side of the street. Just direct your feet to the sunny side of the street. Oh, life can be so sweet on the sunny side of the street I used to walk in the shade with those blues on parade But I'm not afraid this rover crossed over if I'll ever have a say I'll be rich as Rockefeller Old gold dust at my feet on the sunny side of.

[Ms. Stilwell]

Hello, this is the office of the ill fated S.S. skelton. No, Mr. Skelton isn't here. He's over at the medical college attending a lecture. I think he's the subject.

[Red Skelton]

Oh, Ms. Stillwell. Say, you should have been over at

[Phil Davis]

the lecture with me.

[Red Skelton]

Oh, what a bunch of silly doctors. One doctor looked at me and he said, I'll bet you a buck you're dead. I was afraid to bed. By the way, here's your salary for the past eight weeks.

[Ms. Stilwell]

Gee, can I touch it or isn't the money dry yet?

[Red Skelton]

It's good. The judges of the movie quiz contest awarded me a thousand dollar booby prize. I didn't have one answer correct. Here, I brought you a present.

[Ms. Stilwell]

Oh, you shouldn't have done it.

[Phil Davis]

Oh, I thought.

[Ms. Stilwell]

What is it?

[Red Skelton]

Well, I heard you say you eat a lot of chocolate, so I brought you a box to keep them in.

[Ms. Stilwell]

You shouldn't have done that.

[Red Skelton]

That's all right. I want it on a punch board. Say, if you don't mind, I'd like to take you to a nightclub tonight.

[Phil Davis]

If you're not.

[Ms. Stilwell]

If I'm going to the club, I'll go with Phil Davis.

[Red Skelton]

You mean the old armchair?

[Phil Davis]

Why does.

[Ms. Stilwell]

Why does everybody call him the old armchair?

[Red Skelton]

He's overstuffed.

[Ms. Stilwell]

Well, he might be overstuff, but at least he doesn't make me split the check.

[Phil Davis]

Yeah.

[Red Skelton]

Well, I'm going out tonight and I think I'll Go formal. You better call up my butler and tell him to lay out a complete change of sock.

[Ms. Stilwell]

Your butler?

[Avalon Cigarette Announcer]

Yeah.

[Ms. Stilwell]

What do you need with a butler?

[Red Skelton]

Well, I need somebody. I'm getting too big for my mother to dress me.

[Ms. Stilwell]

Why don't you open up a bank account with the rest of that thousand dollars?

[Red Skelton]

What thousand dollars? I only got 600 left. I made a payment on my automobile. Just think, two more payments. I can drive it in the daytime.

[Ms. Stilwell]

All right, the payment was $2.

[Phil Davis]

Yeah.

[Ms. Stilwell]

Now what did you do with the other 400?

[Red Skelton]

Well, if you really must know, nosy, I made a few wise investments.

[Phil Davis]

Uh oh.

[Red Skelton]

What do you mean, uh oh? You won't believe this, but for $200 I bought controlling interest in the Chicago River.

[Ms. Stilwell]

That's great. How about me getting in touch with Grover Whalen? Maybe you can buy the main gate at the World's Fair and charge admission.

[Red Skelton]

What are you trying to do, kidding me? What if I look dumb or something? I already bought it. Oh, hello, Mr. Skelton. Well, Applebird, how are you? Just fine, thank you. The landlord sent me up to collect the rent.

[Ms. Stilwell]

I know I'm not going to get

[Red Skelton]

it, but I've done my duty. Well, you're going to get your rent this week. Here's $50. Oh, good heaven. The old clown has money. My, we're living in a days of miracles. This week you're paying the rent and last week Brooklyn won a ball game. That is a miracle.

[Ms. Stilwell]

Well, I've got the dash now.

[Red Skelton]

A lady told me to go to devil five minutes ago and I've only three minutes left. Well, goodbye.

[Red Foley]

Well, if I'm going anywhere tonight, I

[Red Skelton]

better get to work. Here, Ms. Stilwell, take a letter to the home for stray cats. Enclosed you'll find a donation of $10.

[Ms. Stilwell]

$10 for stray cats?

[Red Skelton]

Yes, I'm doing it for the kitties,

[Avalon Cigarette Announcer]

Mr. Skelton, I believe.

[Red Skelton]

Hello, broom. What do you hear from the mo. My.

[Avalon Cigarette Announcer]

My name is Snoodgrass, but you can call me Snood and cut the grass.

[Red Skelton]

I'm glad to know you. My name's Skelton, but you can call me Skelton. Cut the ad Libbing

[Avalon Cigarette Announcer]

my p. That was a good one. My, is this lovely lady your secretary? You know, there's something familiar about you.

[Ms. Stilwell]

Yeah, it's you.

[Avalon Cigarette Announcer]

I. I represent the Fly By Night Bird Company. Dealers in rare birds.

[Red Skelton]

You stick around here, you'll get plenty of rare birds.

[Avalon Cigarette Announcer]

Now, if you lend me your pencil, I'll show you how we can make a lot of money.

[Phil Davis]

Okay.

[Avalon Cigarette Announcer]

Here's a we. We buy birds for a dollar and we sell birds for $100. Not much of a profit, but we'll be satisfied with our 1%.

[Red Skelton]

Well, that sounds very interesting. You know, I'm crazy about birds. I bought a parrot once. It turned out to be a crow.

[Phil Davis]

Green.

[Red Skelton]

Say, I'd like to go in business with you.

[Ms. Stilwell]

This is a suicide pack if I ever heard one.

[Red Skelton]

Don't pay any attention to her. She's punch drunk.

[Ms. Stilwell]

I am not. I never touch the stuff.

[Avalon Cigarette Announcer]

Yes, Mr. Skelton, we can make a lot of money in this bird business.

[Red Skelton]

Yes, we should make a lot of money in bird business if we watch the overhead. Here's $200 cash. Will you take me in for that?

[Avalon Cigarette Announcer]

Your talk.

[Del King]

Thank you.

[Avalon Cigarette Announcer]

I'll be on my way.

[Ms. Stilwell]

Mr. Skelton, are you gonna let him get away with that? He takes your pencil, shows you nothing, and you give him $200. Don't you realize the man is stealing from you?

[Phil Davis]

Yeah, how about that?

[Red Skelton]

Hey, come back here, you. Just a minute. What do I look like, a SAP or something? What are you coming in here trying to pull those fast tricks on me? Now you give me back my pe.

[Del King]

Tonight, Jeanette sings a lover's lament. It seems love flies out the window when the masquerade is over.

[Phil Davis]

Your eyes don't shine like they used to shine. And the thrill is gone when your lips meet mine. I'm afraid the masquerade is over. And so is love. And so is love. Your word don't mean what they used to mean. They were once inspired. Now they're just routine. I'm afraid the masquerade is over. And so is love. And so is love. I guess I'll have to play Pagliacci and get myself a clown's disguise and learn to laugh like Pagliacci with tears in my eyes. You look the same, you're alive. But my heart says no, no, you're not the same. I'm afraid the masquerade is over. And so is love. And so is.

[Del King]

Bob Strong was wild to arrange it. Bill Davis and the boys are wild to play it. We hope you're wild about it, too.

[Avalon Cigarette Announcer]

It's running wild, Friends. You never pass up a bargain, do you? I mean, a real bargain where you get identically the same merchandise for less. We all want as much for our money as possible. And for this reason, we believe there was a definite need for a quality cigarette that sold for less. A quality cigarette, mind you, not simply a low priced cigarette, but a cigarette that would More than satisfy the demand of you smokers of popular price brands, Avalons are truly the answer. Highest quality cigarettes costing 3 to 5 cents less per pack. 3 to 5 cents less. But you'd never guess they cost you less. They're 100% union made from the finest Turkish and domestic tobaccos the world affords. You could want no finer cigarettes. Regardless of price, regardless of brand friends, you owe it to yourself to give Avalons a trial. Because you are the one who has so much to gain. Millions upon millions of other smokers are switching to Avalons and are getting more for their money. Why not get more for your money? The next time, avalanche for Avalons and save the difference.

[Ms. Stilwell]

Say, Mr. Skelton, what's this I hear about you buying an antique shield that belonged to King Arthur?

[Red Skelton]

What do you mean, King Arthur? You mean King Arthur Skelton?

[Ms. Stilwell]

Oh, here it comes, folks. I bet King Arthur was one of your ancestors.

[Red Skelton]

Well, if you don't believe me, ask the old hysterian Del King. Historian. Historian Bill King.

[Del King]

That's more like him.

[Red Skelton]

That mustache is fuzzing my words.

[Del King]

You know, he's right, Ms. Stilwell. And to prove it, I'll set the scene so that Red can tell the story. Okay, Red.

[Phil Davis]

Okay, Delta time.

[Del King]

The year 452. The place, King Arthur Skelton's palace in Old Britain. As the scene opens, we find King Arthur Skelton, dressed in his armored suit, pacing the floor, talking to his secretary, Lady Stilwell.

[Ms. Stilwell]

What are you holding your stomach for? King Arthur, is it? Is there something wrong with you?

[Red Skelton]

Yeah, I've lost the rivet that holds my pants up. See, when I was first married, the queen used to rivet all kind of fancy metalwork on my armor. Now she don't care if I run around my bare tin.

[Ms. Stilwell]

How is the queen?

[Red Skelton]

Oh, I don't know. I don't ever see her anymore. She won't even cook me any vittles to warm my innards. I don't know what I'm gonna do.

[Ms. Stilwell]

Well, you're either gonna learn to cook or starve to death.

[Red Skelton]

Last night I came. What happened to that one? Freddy the. That's my writer, folks. Freddie the. We had an argument. He says that'll kill him. The house will come down first. He was here. I let it come down on him. Last night I went home.

[Red Foley]

I went home.

[Red Skelton]

Oh, Keith said, you're fired. Last night I went home for supper. And what do you think there was? Sirloin Slop Foley. She was sitting on his lap. You know what I think? She's lap half. Boy, am I hungry. Gee, how I'd love to sit down at that round table and eat a square meal.

[Ms. Stilwell]

Well, why don't you do something about getting the Queen back? What are you, a man or a mouse?

[Red Skelton]

I don't know, but I'm pretty fond of cheese.

[Red Foley]

Attention everybody. Her Majesty Guinevere, Queen of all Britain,

[Avalon Cigarette Announcer]

formerly princess of the battleship and the daughter of the King of. Now entering through door four.

[Red Skelton]

I wonder if she's got a diner on her train. Hello there, Artie boy. My, you've lost a lot of weight, haven't you? That's my sword. I'm over here. Of all the insulting remarks. Comparing me with a sword? Why not?

[Ms. Stilwell]

You both have a temper.

[Red Skelton]

Yeah, you said it, Guinevere. And if you don't stop running around and start fixing me some food, I'm gonna use it. What, your temper? No, the sword.

[Ms. Stilwell]

You should be ashamed of yourself, Guinevere, the way you treat Arthur. I wish he were mine.

[Red Skelton]

One more wish and you got him. Guinevere, you loved me until you met that Sir Long Slot Foley. I even saw you give him a kiss.

[Phil Davis]

Oh, no you didn't.

[Red Skelton]

Oh yes, I did. Oh no you didn't. I saw you.

[Ms. Stilwell]

Well, who are you gonna believe, me or your eyes?

[Red Skelton]

I've had enough of this lady. Stillwell, get my coat. The one that has the 24 sleeves in it.

[Ms. Stilwell]

24 sleeves?

[Red Skelton]

Get my coat of arms. I'm gonna challenge this sirlong slot pulley to a juice joust.

[Red Foley]

Sir Launcelot Foley, Knight of King Arthur's round table. Hi, Gwyn.

[Red Skelton]

Hello, Art. Hi, still.

[Ms. Stilwell]

Hi, Aslo.

[Del King]

Say, Artie, why are you looking daggers at me?

[Red Skelton]

I don't know. Maybe it's my dual personality. I just messed up a word while ago. I was going to challenge you to a joust. Who's dribble over my words, so we'll have to fight you a drool, I guess.

[Red Foley]

Say, who's going to challenge who's going

[Red Skelton]

to challenge who to joust? I'm challenging you.

[Del King]

Okay, I joust.

[Red Foley]

Wanted to make sure.

[Red Skelton]

Why, you miserable knights. You don't know it, but your day's come.

[Del King]

Say pardon me while I fling my gauntlet in your face.

[Red Skelton]

Oh, hey, the next time, take your fist out of that glove. That settles it. Now get yourself a spear. We'll settle this tournament fashion.

[Del King]

Okay, you red headed dope. And when I get through with you,

[Red Skelton]

you'll look like an apple on a stick. Yeah, well, we'll settle this outside the castle wall. Grab yourself A horse that'll take the one in the middle. He's holding the rest of them up. Come on, camp, my boy.

[Phil Davis]

Come on.

[Red Skelton]

Giddy up there.

[Phil Davis]

There they go.

[Ms. Stilwell]

Here he comes.

[Red Skelton]

Whoa.

[Ms. Stilwell]

Did you kill him, Arthur?

[Phil Davis]

Huh?

[Ms. Stilwell]

Did you kill him?

[Red Skelton]

No, I couldn't get my spear through him. Boy, that's the toughest night I ever.

[Del King]

Still, one of the most popular tunes of the day is the Continental hit Penny Serenade. Red Foley and the Avalon Chorus give us their version of it.

[Red Foley]

Once I stray neath the window of a lovely, lovely lady and she smiled while I softly played my tennis serenade.

[Avalon Cigarette Announcer]

You can hear it for a minute. S. Just a penny, Sal.

[Red Foley]

In her eyes shone the tender dawn of love and sweet surrender. As for me, in my heart I played a lover serenade.

[Avalon Cigarette Announcer]

Hear my love song. For a penny she see Just a penny serenade.

[Red Foley]

In a dream so divine she was mine no word had been spoken. When I woke from my dream she was gone. My poor heart was broken. Still I pray that wherever she may be she will remember in her heart she will always hear my penis. You can hear it for a penny serenade.

[Avalon Cigarette Announcer]

Just a penny serenade.

[Red Foley]

Just a penny serenade. Just a penny serenade.

[Avalon Cigarette Announcer]

Remember, friends, when you asked for Avalon

[Ms. Stilwell]

cigarettes, Don't forget your chain.

[Avalon Cigarette Announcer]

Yes, Avalon cigarettes, dear friends, cost several cents less than others. You two can save this difference, like all of us Avalon brothers. Each pack is wrapped in cellophane. Each pack is union made. No wonder books from coast to coast say Avalanche, Lisa Parade.

[Red Skelton]

So why not always reval on with Avalon?

[Avalon Cigarette Announcer]

Yes, you'd never guess, but Avalon's cost only $0.10 plus City or state tax.

[Del King]

Tobacco Corporation will again present Avalon Time. Del King speaking. Good night, everybody. Avalon Time originated in the studios of the Nation station and has reached you through the Night Broadcasting Company.