Barnaby 1945-06-12 Planting A Victory Garden

Summary

Podcast Summary: Harold's Old Time Radio Episode: Barnaby 1945-06-12 Planting A Victory Garden
Release Date: March 18, 2025

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Introduction

In this captivating episode of Harold's Old Time Radio, listeners are transported back to the Golden Age of Radio with "Barnaby," a charming narrative that intertwines family dynamics, whimsical fantasy, and subtle social commentary. The story revolves around young Barnaby Baxter and his interactions with the enigmatic Mr. O'Malley, his fairy godfather, set against the backdrop of post-World War II America where victory gardens symbolize resilience and community spirit.

Main Characters

• Barnaby Baxter (Tiny Norma Nilsen): A spirited child eager to contribute to the war effort through gardening.
• Ralph Bellamy as Pop Gardner: Barnaby’s father, embodying the everyman struggling to balance work and family.
• Reginald Gardner as Mr. O'Malley: The mysterious fairy godfather who brings a touch of magic and skepticism into Barnaby’s life.
• Arthur Q. Brian as David: The loyal family steward, providing steady support amidst the unfolding events.

Plot Overview

The episode begins with Barnaby advocating for the planting of a victory garden, a common and patriotic endeavor during the mid-1940s. Pop Gardner, seeking to channel his son's enthusiasm, encourages him to embark on this endeavor. However, Barnaby insists on involving Mr. O'Malley, whose existence is met with skepticism by both his parents and the other members of the exclusive gentleman's club they frequent.

The Quest for the Perfect Garden

Barnaby's determination leads him to seek Mr. O'Malley's assistance in planting beans, which he believes will grow into a beanstalk reaching the heavens, much like the classic tale of Jack and the Giant. Pop Gardner, though initially reluctant, agrees to support his son's whimsical plans, highlighting the generational differences and the tension between practicality and imagination.

Barnaby Baxter: "Mr. O'Malley, can you make it rain just by waving your cigar?"
[26:05]

Encounter with the Giant

As Barnaby and Mr. O'Malley plant the seeds, an unexpected turn of events occurs when a giant named Atlas appears. Contrary to Barnaby's fears, Atlas is portrayed as a gentle and intellectual giant, equipped with a slide rule instead of a menacing club. This introduction serves as a metaphor for overcoming fears and embracing the unknown.

Reginald Gardner (Mr. O'Malley): "Don't be too critical of Atlas, Barnaby. He's a mental giant."
[27:35]

Scientific vs. Magical Approaches

A significant portion of the episode delves into the dynamic between scientific reasoning and magical thinking. Mr. O'Malley attempts to debunk the idea of making it rain through mystical means, emphasizing logic and evidence-based conclusions. This philosophical debate underscores the broader societal shift towards modernization and rationality in the post-war era.

Reginald Gardner: "I can prove it's impossible. X PI square over coefficient of 6 million plus the dew point."
[27:53]

Resolution and Growth

Ultimately, Barnaby learns the importance of patience and persistence as he decides to proceed with planting the beans without relying solely on Mr. O'Malley's assistance. The episode concludes on a hopeful note, illustrating the value of blending imagination with practical effort to achieve one's goals.

Ralph Bellamy (Barnaby): "Well, it really doesn't matter, Mr. O'Malley. Because I've decided to plant beans after all."
[24:20]

Themes and Insights

• Imagination vs. Reality: Barnaby's interaction with Mr. O'Malley highlights the delicate balance between nurturing a child's imagination and grounding them in reality.
• Community and Resilience: The victory garden serves as a symbol of collective effort and the enduring American spirit during challenging times.
• Generational Perspectives: The differing viewpoints between Barnaby and his father reflect the generational tensions and the evolving societal norms of the 1940s.

Notable Quotes

1. Barnaby on His Vision:

   "I think I'd make an excellent president. My vision is clear, my mind is keen and my hand is steady."
   [05:59]

2. Mr. O'Malley's Pragmatism:

   "Beans? Barnaby, whose advice are you going to follow in this matter?"
   [24:24]

3. Barnaby's Determination:

   "Because I've decided to plant beans after all."
   [24:20]

4. Reginald Gardner on Scientific Reasoning:

   "I can prove it's impossible. X PI square over coefficient of 6 million plus the dew point."
   [27:53]

Conclusion

"Planting A Victory Garden" masterfully encapsulates the essence of Old Time Radio with its rich character development, engaging dialogue, and a storyline that resonates with themes of hope, resilience, and the enduring power of imagination. By weaving together elements of fantasy and reality, the episode not only entertains but also offers insightful commentary on the human spirit's capacity to overcome adversity through both practical action and creative thinking. This episode stands as a testament to the timeless appeal of radio storytelling, evoking nostalgia while delivering meaningful lessons for contemporary listeners.

Transcript

[Nicole Byer]

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[Frank Morgan]

Wayfair.

[Ralph Bellamy]

Every style, Every home.

[Larry Keating]

On behalf of the actors, the musicians and the authors connected with this program, we beg your indulgence for the next 30 minutes, more or less, and ask you to appraise a new radio presentation designed especially for leisurely listening.

[Reginald Gardner]

Foreign.

[Larry Keating]

My name is Larry Keating and the delightful music enhancing this announcement is being provided by Albert Sack and his orchestra. Soon you'll be introduced to some of your favorite personalities who are gathered at the entirely mythical gentleman's club in the order of their appearance. You'll meet the irrepressible Frank Morgan, the affable and gifted Ralph Bellamy, and the impeccable and witty Reginald Gardner. Later, you'll witness the bringing to life of that gem of all comic strip characters, Barnaby. Mr. Crockett Johnson, who created Barnaby, pictured the child as a little boy and still does, for that matter. However, using Peter Pan, which was portrayed by the eminent Maude Adams as a president, we prevailed upon Mr. Johnson to let us use a little girl in the title role. So Barnaby will be played by tiny Norma Nilsen. Now it's my extreme pleasure to present the beautiful South American singing star of Paramount Pictures, Ms. Olga San Juan.

[Frank Morgan]

Good, good, good.

[Ralph Bellamy]

That's you.

[Frank Morgan]

That's you. Fine, fine, fine. That's you. That's you. Nice, nice, nice. That's you. That's you. Good, good, good. That's you. That's you. Your tasty lips are sweeter than a lollipop. But every time I kiss you, how I, how I hate to stop. I crack my brain to find the proper adjective A sentimental compliment. Good, good.

[Ralph Bellamy]

That's you.

[Frank Morgan]

That's you. Fine, fine, fine. That's you, that's you. Nice, nice, nice. That's you. That's you. Good, good, good. That's you. That's you. I never went to Eaton University. Therefore I have a limited vocabulary and so I use the language that I have on hand while making love to you on your veranda. C, C, C, baby. That's you. That's you. No, no, no, no, no, no, no. That's you. That's you. And so I use the language that I have on hand while making love to you and your Vera. Fine, fine, fine. That's you, that's you. Good, good, good.

[Ralph Bellamy]

Sweet, sweet, sweet.

[Frank Morgan]

Fine.

[Reginald Gardner]

Yum.

[Frank Morgan]

Good, good, good. Let you. May I check your hat, sir?

[Reginald Gardner]

Oh, yes.

[Frank Morgan]

Thank you for all the members. And all day I've looked forward to.

[Ralph Bellamy]

Meeting the most handsome one.

[Reginald Gardner]

Ah, you have?

[Frank Morgan]

What time does Mr. Gardner usually come in?

[Reginald Gardner]

Gardner? Well, just take care of that hat. It's a new one.

[David]

Well, good evening, Mrs. Morgan. You're right on the top of the day, as usual.

[Reginald Gardner]

Well, good evening, David. I see they haven't replaced you with a woman yet.

[David]

No, sir. Shall I get you a table in the dining room, sir?

[Reginald Gardner]

Well, a little later, David. I'll have a bourbon in the library first before dinner. Better make it two. I never eat on an empty stomach. Any phone calls, David?

[David]

Yes, sir.

[Reginald Gardner]

There were five calls. Five?

[David]

Two young ladies and three gents.

[Reginald Gardner]

Fine. Let me have their numbers.

[David]

Here they are, sir. Both of them hot.

[Reginald Gardner]

Thank you. Now, hurry with my aperitif, David, and be sure Carl gets the proper proportions the way I like them.

[David]

Well, he'll get the right amount of bourbon, sir, but he may be a little off on the water.

[Reginald Gardner]

I can't stand the stuff straight. Better have him just serve it in a damp glass.

[David]

Yes, sir.

[Arthur Q. Brian]

Well, hello, Frank.

[Reginald Gardner]

Well, good evening, Ralph.

[Arthur Q. Brian]

I'm sorry to see you in here at all. Did you get past the cloakroom today?

[Reginald Gardner]

Cloakroom? Yes.

[Arthur Q. Brian]

Don't tell me you didn't notice our new little hat check girl.

[Reginald Gardner]

Oh, her. I didn't give that girl a second thought.

[Arthur Q. Brian]

What?

[Reginald Gardner]

I was too busy with the first one. Cute, isn't she?

[Arthur Q. Brian]

You know, Frank, the presence of a woman in the gentleman's club has created quite a furor among the more sedate members.

[Reginald Gardner]

Well, what's wrong with having a woman in the gentleman's room? A cop?

[Arthur Q. Brian]

Well, Clemson is furious. Says if he's re elected president, the girl will have to go.

[Reginald Gardner]

Well, that's the trouble with his mausoleum. It's time they chose a younger man around things.

[Norma Nilsen]

Good evening, gentlemen.

[Reginald Gardner]

Oh, hello, Gardner. Ralph, I think I'd make an excellent president. My vision is clear, my mind is keen and my hand is steady.

[Arthur Q. Brian]

How are your legs?

[Reginald Gardner]

Hollow. Hello. The more I think of it, Bellamy, the more I'm convinced I'd make a wonderful president.

[Norma Nilsen]

We don't have a president in England. King, you know.

[Arthur Q. Brian]

But, Frank, you've got to be elected first.

[Norma Nilsen]

The king is born to it.

[Reginald Gardner]

Well, I'll put my Name up immediately.

[Norma Nilsen]

Lives all his life in pomp and circumstance.

[Arthur Q. Brian]

And you think you'll pull many circumstances.

[Reginald Gardner]

Well, at least a few pomps out of it. What are we talking about?

[Arthur Q. Brian]

No, we weren't. We were discussing presidents. Frank, you haven't got a chance against Hudson.

[Reginald Gardner]

Oh, fiddle faddle.

[Arthur Q. Brian]

Hudson has been club president for 14 years. Besides, he's held some pretty important political job from the outside.

[Reginald Gardner]

Well, I'm not exactly an abecedarian myself. The climax of my political career, I was known as Honest Frank Morgan. Friend of the working girl.

[Arthur Q. Brian]

Friend of the working.

[Reginald Gardner]

Unfortunately, I got a little too friendly with one of them and run out of town.

[Arthur Q. Brian]

I see. And so you retired to Pasadena and opened a stud farm for guppies.

[Reginald Gardner]

Not at all. I bounded back into politics like a rubber ball. I was sought after by both the Democrats and Republicans.

[Norma Nilsen]

In England, they're known as conservatives.

[Reginald Gardner]

How interesting.

[Norma Nilsen]

Three years later, my second cousin was a conservative.

[Reginald Gardner]

Yeah? Yes.

[Norma Nilsen]

He stood for swimming bath instructor in the by election for Chatham. Lovely town, Chatham. Famous for its puggly woogle, woggly woggle sort of toffee. Tastes like a mixture of sheep dip and cracker dust. The street urchins stand about munching them like so many little gnomes.

[Reginald Gardner]

Well, that's fine.

[Norma Nilsen]

Well, I use these are most singular noise. The peppermint ones sound like this.

[Reginald Gardner]

And.

[Norma Nilsen]

The chutney ones sound more like this.

[Reginald Gardner]

Mouth watering, isn't it?

[Norma Nilsen]

When 10 or 12 of the little bacons get together, it sounds like a Hotchkiss reciprocating force pump draining a peat bog in Clonakilty.

[Reginald Gardner]

Well, never mind that. What happened to your cousin?

[Norma Nilsen]

I really can't say. Well, on election night he won a barrel of beer and slipped through the bung hole. And we haven't heard from him since.

[Reginald Gardner]

Gardner, when I look at you, I realize the value of a black ball.

[Arthur Q. Brian]

On the contrary, Frank. I think you can learn a great deal from Reggie's cousin.

[Reginald Gardner]

Don't be childish. I've fallen through more bungholes than ever. Oh, politics. Well, in 1936, I achieved my greatest political recognition as Ambassador Plenipotentiary to the Court of St. James. No doubt Reggie will remember.

[Norma Nilsen]

Let me see. 1936.

[Reginald Gardner]

Yes.

[Norma Nilsen]

What year did that fall on?

[Arthur Q. Brian]

Don't quibble, reggie. Let's assume 1936 fell on 1936. Go ahead, Frank.

[Reginald Gardner]

Thank you. I had no sooner arrived in England than the State Department recalled me for violation of diplomatic protocol.

[Arthur Q. Brian]

What did you do?

[Reginald Gardner]

Well, there was some fuss about the way I entered the court. It seems I had the only attache case that ever leaked on the royal carpet.

[Arthur Q. Brian]

Frank, you had a bottle in your attache case.

[Reginald Gardner]

Well, it wasn't a cocker spaniel. On my return to Washington, I immediately went to the State Department to explain my conduct. I had a conference with Under Secretary of State Wells.

[Arthur Q. Brian]

Was he sympathetic?

[Reginald Gardner]

Yeah, after a fashion. When he heard my story, he told me to go to Hull. At least I thought that's what he said. And.

[Arthur Q. Brian]

And so ends the incident of the leaky briefcase.

[Reginald Gardner]

Not by a long shot. A few well chosen words and I had the secretary eating out of my hand in a twice. I received one of the most coveted assignments in diplomatic circles. Suffice it to say that it was known as the tinder box of Europe.

[Norma Nilsen]

I have it. What 1936 did fall On 1936 I.

[Reginald Gardner]

Was instructed to negotiate with a power behind the throne. The beautiful and glamorous Princess June of the House of Murphy. I'll admit I was greatly impressed. After all, I was but a typical clean cut American boy from the Urichell.

[Arthur Q. Brian]

I can well imagine.

[Reginald Gardner]

Suddenly, as I was reclining in the vicinity of the punch bowl, there was a fanfare of trumpets. And down the great staircase came the beautiful princess of June. She was in the full bloom of queenly womanhood. A striking figure in a form fitting gown of white satin and ermine. She reminded me of nothing so much as a beautiful song.

[Arthur Q. Brian]

The Princess Waltz.

[Reginald Gardner]

No, June is busting out all over. As I looked over the palatial palace grounds, I was impressed by the beauty of the scene. Needless to say, it was nothing like New Rochelle.

[Arthur Q. Brian]

I don't suppose so.

[Reginald Gardner]

The Princess stood there close to me with the Baltic moon framing her face. Fragile beauty. Ah, yes. It was nothing like New Relle.

[Arthur Q. Brian]

Go on, Frank.

[Reginald Gardner]

As the scent of her intoxicating perfume engulfed me, she was suddenly in my arms. I kissed her. Yes. And from there on it was just like New Rochell.

[Larry Keating]

A musical diversion by Albert Sack and his orchestra. With August San Juan, we present Jose and Nestor, the Brazilian sensations from Walt Disney's the Three Caballeros in Tico Tico.

[Ralph Bellamy]

O.

[Nicole Byer]

We interrupt this program to bring you an important Wayfair message. Wayfair's got style tips for every home. This is Styles Mackenzie helping you make those rooms sing. Today's style tip. When it comes to making a statement, treat bold patterns like neutrals go wild like an untamed animal print area rug under a rustic farmhouse table. From wayfair.com this has been your Wayfair style tip to Keep those interiors superior.

[Frank Morgan]

Wayfair. Every style, Every home.

[Nicole Byer]

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[David]

Haby.

[Larry Keating]

The Adventures of Barnaby and the child's fairy godfather, Mr. O'Malley, the Lilliputian gentleman with pink wings and ever present cigar, are followed avidly each day by millions of delighted newspaper readers. Since no adult has ever actually seen O'Malley, Barnaby's bewildered parents are inclined to believe their otherwise normal child is subject to hallucinations. Or at least given to fantasy making. But Mr. O'Malley does exist. Sits, as you shall soon see and hear for yourselves. At this very moment, Barnaby sits in the carpeted foyer of the exclusive gentleman's club, waiting for Pop, played by Ralph Bellamy.

[David]

Well, Barnaby, you've been waiting here almost half an hour now. I guess your father's talking some pretty big business inside.

[Ralph Bellamy]

Oh, I don't mind waiting, but I wish you had some more interesting magazines.

[David]

What are you reading there?

[Ralph Bellamy]

The Wall Street Journal. But I don't understand it very well.

[David]

Well, between you and me, Barnaby, most of the gentlemen here don't understand it neither.

[Ralph Bellamy]

I'll bet Mr. O'Malley understands it.

[David]

Mr. O.

[Frank Morgan]

Who?

[Ralph Bellamy]

Mr. O'Malley. He's a member here.

[David]

I've been here 12 years and I ain't never heard of any of Mr. O'Malley.

[Ralph Bellamy]

Oh, I'm sure he belongs to the club. He told me so himself.

[David]

Oh, David. Yes, Mr. Reggie?

[Norma Nilsen]

Would you ask at the desk and see?

[David]

Oh, hello.

[Norma Nilsen]

Who's the infant?

[David]

This is Barnaby Baxter, sir, asking for Mr. O'Malley. And I don't recall any member by that name.

[Norma Nilsen]

I'm afraid I don't either. What does he look like?

[Larry Keating]

Little boy?

[Ralph Bellamy]

Well, he's not very tall, he smokes a cigar and has a turned up nose.

[Reginald Gardner]

That.

[Ralph Bellamy]

I'm not a little boy. I'm a little girl.

[Norma Nilsen]

I thought Barnaby was a boy.

[Ralph Bellamy]

Well, Crockett Johnson, who created the character, gave me permission to be a little girl. And I'll thank you, Mr. Gardner, to keep sex out of this.

[Norma Nilsen]

Well, about this Mr. O'Malley, does he have any distinguishing characteristics?

[Ralph Bellamy]

No, but he does wear a green overcoat and in a pair of pink wings.

[Norma Nilsen]

Well, I'm afraid I don't know him, Miss. None of our members wears a green overcoat.

[David]

Excuse me, miss, but did you say pink wings?

[Ralph Bellamy]

That's right.

[David]

You know, come to think of it, Mr. Reggie, that's why Herbert left.

[Norma Nilsen]

Oh, did he have pink wings too?

[David]

No, sir. Herbert was a cloakroom boy. Last week, after the big band with left over in the cloak room was three umbrellas, a gray fedora and a pair of pink wings.

[Norma Nilsen]

I suppose it gave him a bit of a stop.

[David]

Yes, sir. He figured if the angels was pressing him that close, he better take himself home and lay it out.

[Ralph Bellamy]

Oh, I'm sure Those wings were Mr. Oalley's little girl.

[Norma Nilsen]

I hate to disillusion you, but are you positive that this O Malley person isn't just an hallucination?

[Ralph Bellamy]

No, he's my fairy godfather.

[David]

Fairy godfather? Uh oh, Herbert, move over.

[Ralph Bellamy]

Oh, you're just like my parents. They don't believe in Mr. O'Malley either.

[Arthur Q. Brian]

There you are, Barnaby. I'm all finished with my business. We better be getting home now.

[Ralph Bellamy]

But Tom, can't I say and see Mr. O'Malley?

[Arthur Q. Brian]

Not tonight.

[Norma Nilsen]

Well, don't tell me you've heard of this O'Malley too?

[Arthur Q. Brian]

Oh, I hear about him all the time, Reggie. He carries a cigar as a wand. And he has a friend named Gus the ghost. Well, see you tomorrow, gardener. Come on, Bobby.

[Ralph Bellamy]

What did you buy in a hardware store, Pop?

[Larry Keating]

Seeds.

[Arthur Q. Brian]

Barnaby, I thought it'd be nice if you planted a victory garden out here in the backyard.

[Ralph Bellamy]

That's fine. I'll get Mr. O'Malley to help me.

[Arthur Q. Brian]

Barnaby, the whole point of this victory garden is to get your mind off O'Malley. You start planting these beans and I'll go in and put on my old clothes.

[Ralph Bellamy]

All right, pop. Oh gosh. Mr. O'Malley won't like us doing the hardest part without him. I guess I'll start digging over here.

[Reginald Gardner]

Hello, Barnaby.

[Ralph Bellamy]

Mr. O'Malley. I looked for you at the gentleman's class, but they said you weren't there.

[Reginald Gardner]

Yes, well, I went in the back way. Gus the ghost and I were inspecting the premises. He's considering haunting it, you know. Seems he's a little disgusted with his present position.

[Ralph Bellamy]

Isn't he happy in the old Jackson place?

[Reginald Gardner]

No, he has trouble getting laundry service out there. The only ones that will go out that far is the Dainty Tidy Laundry Company. Gus says no self respecting ghost would be caught dead in those things.

[Ralph Bellamy]

Mr. O'Malley, would you help me with my victory garden?

[Reginald Gardner]

Poor Gus, he always had some problem or other. A few years back, he had a good, steady job lined up as Phantom of the Opera. But he couldn't clear it with Petrillo. Barnaby, what are you planning there?

[Ralph Bellamy]

Pink beans?

[Reginald Gardner]

Cushla McCree. How unimaginative.

[Ralph Bellamy]

In a book. A beanstalk got so big, a boy named Jack climbed up it. And he met a giant. And he got a bag of gold.

[Reginald Gardner]

Likely story. What you ought to plant is Cypropedia rarerus.

[Ralph Bellamy]

What's that?

[Reginald Gardner]

Orchids. Of course. Everyone knows that.

[Ralph Bellamy]

I never heard of anyone climbing an orchid.

[Reginald Gardner]

Well, you don't climb them, Barnaby. You web.

[Ralph Bellamy]

You mean they have sleeves?

[Reginald Gardner]

No. Women put them on to make themselves more attractive. It's called a corsage.

[Ralph Bellamy]

Oh, yes. Mother has an awful time with hers.

[Reginald Gardner]

Yes, well, that's another thing entirely. Well, now that we've decided on orchids, I'll go and get the seeds.

[Ralph Bellamy]

But, Mr. O'Malley. Oh, my. He's gone.

[Arthur Q. Brian]

Well, Barnaby, do we have our little beans all safely tucked away in their earthy beds?

[Ralph Bellamy]

No, Pop. I'm not planting beans. We're going to raid Cypripedia raris.

[Arthur Q. Brian]

What's that?

[Ralph Bellamy]

Orchids, of course. Everybody knows that.

[Arthur Q. Brian]

Barnaby, you can't grow orchids in your backyard.

[Ralph Bellamy]

Well, Mr. O'Malley, my fairy God.

[Arthur Q. Brian]

Oh, I might have known he was behind this. Whose advice you're gonna follow? Mine or that fanciful character you dream about?

[Ralph Bellamy]

All right, Pop. I'll plant beans.

[Arthur Q. Brian]

Good. If you run into any trouble, I'll be in the house reading a book on child psychology.

[Ralph Bellamy]

I'll be all right.

[Reginald Gardner]

Bad news, Barnaby. Not a single organ seed to be had at the hardware store. Such a big demand for them, I suppose.

[Ralph Bellamy]

Well, it really doesn't matter, Mr. O'Malley. Because I've decided to plant beans after all.

[Reginald Gardner]

Beans? Barnaby, whose advice are you going to follow in this matter?

[Ralph Bellamy]

Oh, gosh, Mr. O'Malley.

[Reginald Gardner]

Very well, Barnaby. We'll plant beans.

[Ralph Bellamy]

Mr. O'Malley, these bean seeds look just like all other seeds.

[Reginald Gardner]

Well, of course.

[Ralph Bellamy]

Well, before it starts to grow. How does it know to grow up to be a bean?

[Reginald Gardner]

That's a very good question. Now, if you'll just dig over there, I think I'll tell you.

[Ralph Bellamy]

Wouldn't it be awfully disappointed if. If it grew up to be an asparagus?

[Reginald Gardner]

But that couldn't happen, Barnaby. You didn't grow up to be a horse. Because your mother and father weren't horses.

[Ralph Bellamy]

I'm glad. I wouldn't like to Pull a milk wagon.

[Reginald Gardner]

Well, it's the same way with a bean. Its mother and father were beans. Little beans are just like you are, only they live under the ground. Where's Dog?

[Ralph Bellamy]

If there's no light, how do they study their homework?

[Reginald Gardner]

Well, they don't. But it's so dark down there, the teachers don't know the difference.

[Ralph Bellamy]

Do you think I dug the holes deep enough, Mr. O'Malley?

[Reginald Gardner]

Oh, yes, that's fine. You can put the seeds in now. That's right. Space them well. Now pat the earth down over them.

[Ralph Bellamy]

There. Now what do we do next?

[Reginald Gardner]

Nothing. All we have to do is stand around, watch them grow. It's funny. There's nothing coming up yet.

[Ralph Bellamy]

They probably need water. I think I'll go get the sprinkling can.

[Reginald Gardner]

Well, there's no need for that, Barnaby. If you really want water, I'd be only too happy to prod the elements a bit with my magic wand.

[Ralph Bellamy]

Gosh, Mr. O'Malley, can you make it rain just by waving your cigar?

[Reginald Gardner]

Certainly.

[Ralph Bellamy]

Make it rain, Mr. O'Malley.

[Reginald Gardner]

Well, I don't know. The last time I performed such a feat. I got rather a nasty letter from the Los Angeles Chamber of Commerce.

[Ralph Bellamy]

Make it rain, Mr. O'Malley, please. The bean will go into a big beanstalk and I can climb up and see the giant.

[Reginald Gardner]

Giant? Well, if it's a giant you want to see, there's no use making it rain at all. I happen to be acquainted with a well established practicing giant myself. Ran into him in the woods only yesterday.

[Ralph Bellamy]

That's wonderful. When can I see him?

[Reginald Gardner]

Well, I'll be happy to give you a formal introduction right now.

[Ralph Bellamy]

Let's hurry before it gets dark.

[Reginald Gardner]

We'll. We'll just keep walking, Barnaby. We'll run into the giant along here somewhere.

[Ralph Bellamy]

Oh, I'm scared, Mr. O'Malley. I'll bet he's big and ferocious and carries a huge club.

[David]

Shh.

[Reginald Gardner]

Quiet. I think I heard something move. It's the giant. He's coming out of the bushes. Hello, Atlas. Barnaby. Barnaby, meet Atlas.

[Ralph Bellamy]

How do you do? You're awfully small for a giant. You must be the new dehydrated model.

[Reginald Gardner]

Don't be too critical of Atlas, Barnaby. He's a mental giant.

[Ralph Bellamy]

That's a funny looking club he's carrying.

[Reginald Gardner]

That's not a club. That's a slide rule. No matter what you want to know, it'll give you the correct answer.

[Ralph Bellamy]

Mr. Atlas, can you make it rain with your sliding rule?

[Norma Nilsen]

Of course not.

[Reginald Gardner]

No one can make it rain?

[Ralph Bellamy]

Mr. O'Malley can't just by waving his cigar.

[Reginald Gardner]

O'Malley, what have you been telling this child? You know it's impossible to make it rain. It's not impossible. I can prove it's impossible. Give me a minute with my slide rule and I'll prove he can't make it rain. If I were to wave my wedgie wand like this. You'll see, O'Malley, you'll be clouding the problem with mysticism now. I'll figure it out in a jiffy. C squared over phi equals C phi sum. Carry the fold, dangle the thumb, add two keys three times five.

[Ralph Bellamy]

Mr. O'Malley, it's raining.

[Reginald Gardner]

Well, of course it was no trouble at all for a man of my ingenuity. X PI square over coefficient of 6 million plus the dew point. I could easily prove you can't make it rain. If my slide rule wasn't getting all wet. So much for your theories, Atlas. Come along, Barnaby.

[Ralph Bellamy]

Gee, Mr. O'Malley, it was wonderful the way you made it rain with your magic wand.

[Reginald Gardner]

Now that we're alone. Confidentially, Barnaby, I didn't use the magic wand.

[Ralph Bellamy]

You didn't?

[Reginald Gardner]

No.

[Ralph Bellamy]

Then how did you make it rain?

[Reginald Gardner]

By the simple process of detective reasoning.

[Ralph Bellamy]

What does that mean?

[Reginald Gardner]

Well, today, for the first time this month, I left my umbrella at home and forgot to wear my rod. Us. It all adds up to just one thing.

[Ralph Bellamy]

What's that, Mr. O'Malley?

[Reginald Gardner]

Rain, Barnaby. Rain.

[Ralph Bellamy]

Cush. The McCree.

[Larry Keating]

A few more seconds. Now to remind you this is. Listen to Frank Morgan, Retro Gardner Ralph Bellamy, August San Juan the Brazilian jive experts Jose Oliveira and Nestor Amaral. The Gentleman's Club bar steward James Vasquez the Metal Giant Arthur Q. Brian and Tiny Norman Ilson as Barnaby. This program is a Phil wrap presentation written by Joseph Connolly and Robert Mosher and directed by Mr. Rep.

[Nicole Byer]

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