Beat That Story 1946.xx.xx From Mrs Wilson

Summary

Podcast Summary: Beat That Story 1946.xx.xx From Mrs Wilson

Podcast Information:

• Title: Harold's Old Time Radio
• Host/Author: Harold's Old Time Radio
• Description: Reliving the Golden Age of Radio, featuring classic shows like The Shadow, Abbott & Costello, Amos & Andy, and Dragnet. A nostalgic journey to a time when families gathered around the radio to enjoy captivating stories and humor.
• Episode: Beat That Story 1946.xx.xx From Mrs Wilson
• Release Date: February 12, 2025

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Introduction

In the episode titled "Beat That Story 1946.xx.xx From Mrs Wilson", host Bobby Lim spearheads an engaging storytelling contest that harkens back to the interactive radio shows of the Golden Age. The format revolves around listeners submitting their humorous and entertaining stories, which are then judged and "beaten" by fellow participants aiming to outdo each other with wittier tales. The competitive yet friendly atmosphere sets the stage for an evening filled with laughter and creative narratives.

Contest Setup

Bobby Lim kicks off the show by introducing the concept of the "Battle of Wit," where listener-submitted stories are vying to be the funniest based on audience laughter scores measured by an electrically controlled laughter meter. Each story holds the potential to win monetary prizes, incentivizing participants to bring their best comedic material.

Notable Quote:

“From the thousands of stories which the listeners have sent us this week, I've selected those which look the best.” (02:00)

First Story: Mrs. Wilson's Champion Canary

The first story originates from Mrs. Wilson of St Maurice, Adelaide, South Australia. She narrates a humorous tale about a sporting personality who visits a bird shop in search of a champion canary. The proprietor demonstrates the canary's prowess by introducing an eagle into the cage, which the canary swiftly defeats, leaving everyone amazed. The catch? The buyer must also take home a "mouldy sparrow," leading to a comedic tug-of-war over the purchase.

Notable Quote:

“I'll take that canary. I'll make a fortune.” (03:10)

Scoring: Mrs. Wilson's story scores an impressive 80 on the laughter meter, setting a high bar for the competitors.

Host Responses: Bill and Buster's Toppings

Bill's Story: The Soap-Washing Canary

Bill shares a quirky anecdote about a man intent on washing his canary with soap, leading to an unexpected twist where the canary "dies," only for it to be revealed that the "soap" was actually a drying agent called Ringer.

Notable Quote:

“It wasn't a soap at all, it was drying him with that silly looking ringer.” (05:30)

Scoring: Bill matches Mrs. Wilson’s score with an 80, keeping the competition tight.

Buster's Story: The Talking Cockatoo and the Magician Egg

Buster introduces a whimsical story about a cockatoo that speaks, leading to an exchange where an egg is sold instead of the bird itself. After hatching, the cockatoo humorously reveals familial ties to a duck, adding a layer of absurdity and humor.

Notable Quote:

“Your husband was a duck.” (06:20)

Scoring: Buster's tale surpasses the previous entries with a 90, earning him the top spot for this round and a £20 prize for the winning storyteller, Brian A Hotchkeys.

Second Story: Brian A Hotchkeys's Oven Surprise

Brian A Hotchkeys from Wallsend shares a charming story about a little boy who discovers his father has magically appeared from an oven after sprinkling seeds—a whimsical nod to magic and surprise.

Notable Quote:

“When he opened the oven door, there was a big cockroach in there.” (09:00)

Scoring: Matching his previous high score, Brian’s story also earns a 90, showcasing his knack for crafting engaging and humorous narratives.

Buster and Bill’s Continued Battle

Buster's Second Attempt: Johnny Smithers and the Magna Carta

Buster responds with a clever exchange between a teacher and a disinterested student about the Magna Carta, culminating in a humorous reveal involving the student's father potentially being one of the original signers.

Notable Quote:

“Did you sign it or didn't you?” (12:00)

Scoring: Buster scores an 80 with this story, maintaining his strong performance in the contest.

Bill's Final Story: The Argument of Jennifer and Susan

Bill concludes this round with a touching yet funny story about two young girls arguing over their mothers' love, highlighting themes of acceptance and understanding through childlike simplicity.

Notable Quote:

“Your mummy was stuck with what? She got a 90.” (13:20)

Scoring: Bill matches another 90, but since Brian already achieved this score earlier, Bill does not take the top spot.

Third Story: Abe Blackmore's Army Tale

Abe Blackmore from Slade Point via Mackay contributes a military-themed story about Bluey, a soldier who returns from the army after three years to surprising news about his son, intertwining humor with the realities of army life.

Notable Quote:

“I'm a father. My wife had a son last week.” (15:00)

Scoring: Abe’s narrative earns a respectable 70, adding variety to the contest's range of stories.

Bill Tops the Round

Bill's Final Story: Yank and Aussie in the New Guinea Jungle

Bill revamps the competition by sharing a vivid story about two soldiers, a Yank and an Aussie, navigating the challenges of the New Guinea jungle. The tale blends dry humor with cultural nuances, culminating in a comedic mishap involving oversized cabbages and boilers.

Notable Quote:

“They got to make them that big to cook your flaming cabbages in.” (17:00)

Scoring: Bill surpasses Abe’s score with an impressive 90, securing his position as the top storyteller for this round and a £20 prize.

Prize Announcements and Promotions

Throughout the episode, intermittent promotions by the Mobile Gas announcer highlight the exciting prizes available through the Mobile Gas Millionaire contest. These include luxurious items such as:

• Return Air Flight for Two to Paris by Qantas
• Two-Tone Simca A Ron from Chrysler
• £500 Worth of Commonwealth Trading Bank Travelers Checks
• Vespa 125cc Special Motor Scooter
• One Year's Membership Plus £300 Credit with the Diners Club

Listeners are encouraged to participate by collecting entry forms from their local Mobile Gas service stations, with the potential to win these lavish prizes by the upcoming holiday season.

Notable Quote:

“Nearest correct entry in the mobile gas millionaire contest for November wins the lot.” (07:30)

Host Interactions and Comedy Bits

The episode is peppered with humorous exchanges between Bobby Lim, Willie Fennell, Buster Fidez, Bill, and the recurring character Mrs. Cleghorn. These interactions add a layer of spontaneity and charm, reminiscent of classic radio banter.

Notable Quote:

Mrs. Cleghorn: “And remember, don’t say nothing at all if you can’t say nothing about nobody.” (19:20)

This interplay not only entertains but also reinforces the show's familial and community-oriented atmosphere.

Conclusion

As the episode wraps up, Bobby Lim congratulates the week's winners—Brian A Hotchkeys and Bill—for their top-scoring stories. Despite Mrs. Wilson's initial high score, the competitive spirit keeps the contest lively and engaging. The hosts bid farewell with promises of more entertaining stories and laughter in the upcoming weeks, encapsulating the essence of the Golden Age of Radio’s interactive and communal listening experience.

Notable Quote:

“Good night and see you next week.” (19:26)

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Overall Impression: "Beat That Story 1946.xx.xx From Mrs Wilson" masterfully blends storytelling, competition, and humor, capturing the nostalgic charm of classic radio shows. Through engaging narratives, lively host interactions, and enticing prize offerings, the episode provides a delightful experience for both regular listeners and newcomers seeking a taste of vintage radio entertainment.

Transcript

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[Mobile Gas Announcer]

The marketers of mobile gas and mobile oil and your local mobile gas dealer now take you to the Macquarie Auditorium and the man who can make you the mobile gas millionaire.

[Bobby Lim]

Here he is, Bobby Limited. Well, hello, everybody. Well, we're all set for a battle of wit and may the best gag win. From the thousands of stories which the listeners have sent us this week, I've selected those which look the best. Each story is worth at least five pounds to the lucky listeners, provided neither of our two story toppers succeed in gaining a higher laughter score, as indicated by the electrically controlled laughter meter. The meter is in view of the audience and is numbered 50 to 100 to 100 plus. And now let's meet our toppers. I'd like to introduce first of all. Well, somebody that really needs no introduction. He's a great pal of ours, a great pal of yours, Willie Fennell. Yes. All right. Now, the next person I'd like a. Hello, girls. If some girls just come in, meet them. There they are. Hello. I'd like to introduce now great pal of ours, great pal of all yours also. It's Buster Fidez. Here he is. Hello, Mr. Lim. All right. Now, before we get started, here's something to interest you.

[Mobile Gas Announcer]

A reminder about Bobby Lim's November Mobile gas millionaire contest. One person will win 21 fabulous prizes worth between £5,500 and £7,000. Prizes fit for a millionaire.

[Bobby Lim]

And as well as the major prizes, we're offering 440 consolation prizes. There are 20 Remington Rollo electrics and 20 Remington Princess ladies shavers. Plus 400 free mobile lubrications and oil changes.

[Mobile Gas Announcer]

Call into your mobile gas service station tomorrow and collect entry forms for the November Mobile Gas Millionaire contest. You could win those 21 luxurious prizes in time for Christmas.

[Bobby Lim]

Right, now, let's get cracking. Here is the first listener's story for tonight. And remember the toppers. Master, he's pretty. Remember that. Here's our first listener story for tonight. And remember the toppers have to think up a story on the spur of the Moment upon the same subject as the listener's story. Our first story tonight is worth £15. Alright, that's not for you. All right. And it comes from Mrs. Mrs. Wilson. Mrs. Wilson of St Maurice, Adelaide, South Australia. And here it is. A sporting personality went into a bird shop. He'd heard of a canary that was a champion boxer, you see. Fighter, that is. Well, he saw the canary in a gilded cage with a little mouldy sparrow in the same cage. Well, the proprietor, to demonstrate the battling canary, put an eagle into the cage, you see, and then hit a gong and a fight was on. And next to no time, the eagle was knocked out cold. And there was a canary standing up there prancing around. Well, the sporting chap said, he was amazed. He said, right, right, I'll take that canary. I'll make a fortune. I'll take that canary. And the fella said, well, you have to take the sparrow too. He said, I don't want the sparrow, the mouldy looking thing. I just want the canary. I'll take a canary. Name your own price. He said, you have to take the sparrow. He said, I don't want. Why do I have to take the sparrow? He said, you'll have to take the sparrow. He's a trainer. Well, we scored an 80 with that. Mr. Wilson or Ms. Wilson? Mr. Ms. Wilson. I forget now. An 80 with that one. So it means the toppers have to top. Try and top that. Bill, can you read that story?

[Bill]

Stop that. Stop it. It's my turn. I've got a little one about a canary. Yes, it's about a bloke who went into a grocer shop and he said, I want a cake of soap. And the grocer said, yes, what kind of soap would you like? He said, I don't care what sign, what kind. He said, I just want a cake of soap to wash me canary. And the grocer said, but he said, you can't wash your canary with soap. He said, that'll kill the little bird. He said it won't kill him at all. He said, just give us a cake of soap. He said, don't ask any questions, just give it to me. Blake said, all right, here's your cake of soap. But he said, I'm telling you, it'll kill the bird. He said, never mind about that, I'll be right. So away he went. A few days later the grocer happened to see this bloke walking down the street and he thought, I'll go and ask him a question. So he Went up and he said by the way sir, remember me on the grocer? He said how's your little bird? Said he's dead. He said, dead. There you are. He said I told you the soap would kill him. He said it wasn't a soap at all, it was drying him with that silly looking ringer.

[Bobby Lim]

An 80 with that one. Ah, we're even. We're still in the, in the business. Mr. Wilson of South Australia. You're off cuz you scored an 80. So you didn't beat the story Bill. We're still in business buster. Can you beat that story? I was just thinking what with, I mean what about.

[Buster Fidez]

I was just thinking about a story to top that. Let me see there, let me see. Oh yes. This is about a chap from the country. He came down from the country and he's walking around through the city and he came to a bird shop and outside the bird shop there was a little cage and inside the cage there was a cockatoo. So while he was standing looking at the cockatoo, the cockatoo said I know.

[Bill]

Something about you.

[Buster Fidez]

So that's funny. They went into the shop and he said to the man, that bird McCady said out there, he said how much do you want from. He said no, he's not for sale. He happens to be a showbird. He said but I'll tell you what I'll do. I'll sell you one of his eggs. He said very cheap pound. Then you can take it back to the country, you can hatch it up there and then, you know, so, so very good idea. So he bought the egg, went back to the country. Twelve months later he came down, walked up to the shop, standing outside that there was a bird still in the cage standing there. He looked at him, the bird said I know something about you. Fell off in the country. Said I know something about you too. Your husband was a duck.

[Bobby Lim]

Scored 90. 90 there we are. Scored a 90 with that one. So bad luck Mrs. Wilson. But we are sending you two pound ten as a consolation by courtesy of Mobile Gas. And now that makes our next story worth 20 pounds. Now here's an announcement I'm sure you'll all be interested to hear.

[Mobile Gas Announcer]

Hey Bobby, how about listing the 21 fabulous prizes to be won by the Mobile Gas millionaire for November?

[Bobby Lim]

Right, here we go. There's a return air flight for two to Paris by Qantas, a new two tone Simca A Ron from Chrysler, 500 pounds worth of Commonwealth Trading bank travellers checks.

[Mobile Gas Announcer]

There's a luxurious amber diadem mink cape stole from Cornelius Furze of Sydney. A diamond studded boulevard ladies wristwatch and a gent solid white gold automatic. Then there's a new model carrier air.

[Bobby Lim]

Conditioner and a complete Bolex photographic outfit. A four seater Jack's Marine 12 foot runabout powered by a 25 horsepower Scott outboard motor. There's a ladies and man's match set of V8 Power Pack Golf clubs complete with bags and buggies from east bro.

[Mobile Gas Announcer]

A whirlwind 18 inch rotary lawnmower and a 20 inch rotary motor scythe. A whirlwind go kart powered by twin 98cc Vidius engines.

[Bobby Lim]

A Vespa 125 or 125cc special motor scooter and one year's membership plus £300 credit with the Diners Club.

[Mobile Gas Announcer]

There you are, 21 luxurious prizes. Nearest correct entry in the mobile gas millionaire contest for November wins the lot. Get entry forms from your mobile gas dealer tomorrow.

[Bobby Lim]

Right, now our second story. The second story is from Brian A Hotchkes of 36 Longworth Ave. Wallset. She was sitting over.

[Mobile Gas Announcer]

Brian.

[Mrs. Cleghorn]

Now please.

[Bobby Lim]

If you don't mind. Please, Mrs. Cleghorn, I know that you're the cleaner here. Would you mind cleaning somewhere else? Not.

[Mrs. Cleghorn]

Why do you pick me too nostralgic today?

[Bobby Lim]

You what?

[Mrs. Cleghorn]

I feel nostralgic. I haven't got me heart and me dust in the me. Macquarie. Adrian. I was watching all the kids coming out of school. And it takes you back down at last.

[Bobby Lim]

Yeah, takes you back a long way. Did you enjoy your holidays? Your school days, I should say.

[Mrs. Cleghorn]

Oh yeah. My mother wanted me to have all the opportunities she didn't have.

[Bobby Lim]

Well, what did she do? She.

[Mrs. Cleghorn]

She sent me to a boys school.

[Bobby Lim]

Well, I. I suppose you were pretty popular.

[Mrs. Cleghorn]

Ah yes, love. I remember me first love affair. I was in love with the fattest boy in the class.

[Bobby Lim]

Fat?

[Mrs. Cleghorn]

Yeah, he was so fat, no matter where I sat, I was near him.

[Bobby Lim]

You. You. You didn't marry him though?

[Mrs. Cleghorn]

Oh no, love. I married me husband.

[Bobby Lim]

Yeah, well that was. That was very convenient.

[Mrs. Cleghorn]

Yes, good. He's a good old stick. He's nothing out of the box. But there's one thing about him. A lie has never passed his lips. Why he talks through his nose, lovey.

[Bobby Lim]

Oh yeah. I honestly don't know why Mrs. Clay has to pick this one show to come out. I don't know, do you? Buster just happened to pick this show to come out every time. It doesn't happen to any other show.

[Buster Fidez]

I Think she's here through the day sometimes.

[Bill]

Is she?

[Bobby Lim]

But anyway, this story, the second story, comes from Brian Hayes. Brian. Brian A. Hotchkeys, I think it is. Hotchkeys of 36 Longworth Avenue, Wallsend. And this is it. One afternoon a little boy asked his father where he came from. His father thought for a second and then replied, well, well, yeah, I knew this was coming. Well, one night I got a dish and I sprinkled some seeds on it and I put it in the oven. Well, next morning when I opened the oven door, you were there. Anyway, so the little boy thought he'd try. So that night he took down a dish and sprinkled some seeds on it and put it in the oven. In the morning, when he opened the oven door, there was a big cockroach in there. Well, the little boy saw it and said, you're a horrible looking thing and I ought to kill you, but I can't. I'm your father. Well, we scored. What did we score with that one? We scored 90. A 90 with that one? Well, that's not so bad. A 90. Yeah, that's wonderful. That's from Brian Hotchkeys of Walls Inn. Well, Buster, can you beat that story?

[Buster Fidez]

Yes, about children's school. That's a good idea. Let me see. Oh, this is about. The teacher was asking questions and she asked the little boy in the background, Johnny Smithers, I think his name was. He said, do you tell me who signed the Magna Carta? He said, no, and I don't know and I don't care. I don't want to know. I'm not interested at all. How dare you speak to me like that and reply like that. She said, I'll get your father at once. So she's one of the boys home to get his father. He came back, he said, your boy. I asked him a question. I asked him who signed the Magna Carta. And he said he don't know, he don't care. He's not even interested. His father said, listen, come here. He said, I've always told you to tell the truth. Did you sign it or didn't you?

[Bobby Lim]

Yep. Buster scored an 80. An 80 with that one. An 80. So we're right in business. Brian Hodgkis of World's End Bill, can you top that one?

[Bill]

Well, I've only got a very short little one. I don't know about it. It's about two children and you mentioned where they came from. But this is about two little girls about four years of age, Jennifer and Susan they were having a terrific argument sitting on the gutter, and Jennifer seemed to be winning the whole argument. And eventually Susan thought I'd better win something or other with this kid. So she said, well, anyway, my mummy is my real mummy and yours isn't. You're only adopted. Jennifer turned calmly and said, I know, but my mummy chose me. Your mummy was stuck with what? She got a 90.

[Bobby Lim]

Well, Bill scored a 90 with that one. But the score wasn't beaten because Brian Hotchkes of wall's end, he also scored a 90. Which means that our story. Your story wasn't beaten, Brian. So congratulations to you, Brian Hotchkes. You have won £20. And now our next story starts off at £5. Before we continue, here is an important message. All right, here comes our third. Third story. And this is from a Blackmore of Blackmore of Slade point via Mackay. And this is about the army, if you want to think about the army. Anything to do with the army. Oh, no, not again. No.

[Mrs. Cleghorn]

You read some funny things in the paper, don't you?

[Bobby Lim]

Well, I'm not interested in the Plato, Mrs. Cleghorn. We're trying to get on with the show.

[Mrs. Cleghorn]

Listen, there's an alley here in the city. Considerations wanted column. Yeah, now listen to this. Wanted an ambitious young man to wash dishes and two waitresses. Now, there's a job that suit you, Mr. Lim, wouldn't it?

[Bobby Lim]

Well, what do you mean?

[Mrs. Cleghorn]

Well, I saw you. I saw you at the front of the auditorium last week with that girl. With what with that girl? You were winking at her.

[Bobby Lim]

I was not winking. Something got in my eye.

[Mrs. Cleghorn]

Oh, yeah? Well, she got in your car as well.

[Bobby Lim]

Mrs. Cleghorn, I won't have you standing about here spreading malicious gossip about me.

[Mrs. Cleghorn]

It's no trouble. That's no trouble at all. As a matter of fact, I could go for you myself. You're rather detractive for your age, aren't you, my dear?

[Bobby Lim]

Do you really think I. What do you mean, for my age?

[Mrs. Cleghorn]

Well, like your face. Give you away a bit, love. It's them crow's feet.

[Bobby Lim]

Why have. Have I got crow's feet?

[Mrs. Cleghorn]

Yes, love, but don't worry. Just keep your shoes on and nobody'll know the difference.

[Bobby Lim]

Sit down. Get out of here. Always saddle with that woman coming in here all the time. Drives your barney. All right, here's the next one. It's from Abe Blackmore of Slade point via Mackay, way up north. And it's an army one, fellows, if you like. Bluey joined the army just after being married and was then sent overseas. His battalion was stationed miles from nowhere and had been away close on three years. Well, anyway, the company's mail arrived and Bluey got a letter, opened it and shouted, hey fellas, what do you think? I'm a father. My wife had a son last week. His mate said, that's ridiculous. How can that be? You've been here for three years. Bluey said, well, that's nothing. There's six years between my brother and me. Well, we scored a 70 for that Abe Blackmore of Mackay. I don't know whether it was Mr. And Mrs. Or what there, but we scored a 70. Well, Bill, can you beat that story?

[Bill]

I don't think so, no. Yes, a couple of army blokes. Yes, this is a story about a Yank and an Aussie and they were sitting in the New guinea jungle. There was plenty of rain pouring down. And the Yank said to the Aussie said, by gee, Aussie. He said, I'd like to have this sort of rain back home. It's really terrific. And the Aussie said, what do you mean? He said, what did you do back home? The age said, well, he said I was a market gardener. And he said I used to plant a lot of cabbages. He said, I remember one time he said I had a 20 acre paddock and I planted a cabbage right in the middle of the 20 acres and one cabbage in each corner. And he said, do you know, he said in a few months he said that whole 20 acres was just covered with those five cabbages. He said, them's real cabbages, you know. And the Aussie said, oh yes. He said, pretty big cabbages. So there was silence for a while and eventually the Yank thought, ozzy hasn't said much. He said, hey, Ozzy. He said, what did you do back home? The Aussie said, well, as a matter of fact, he said, I was a boiler maker, used to make a lot of those big boilers. He said, I remember one Friday we were making a big copper. And he said, we finished the copper, he said, and just as the knockoff whistle went, I dropped a hammer into it. And he said when I came back to work on the Monday morning, I heard it hit the bottom. Now wait a minute, wait for it. So the Yank said, he said, that's a pretty big copper. He said, why do you want to make them that big? The Aussie said, well, we got to make them that big. To cook your flaming cabbages in 5 90. Thank you, thank you for your kind appreciation.

[Bobby Lim]

Yeah, well, Bill really topped that round because against Abe Blackm, score of 70. Bill scored a 90. Well, that's wonderful. Your story was beaten, Mr. Or Mrs. Blackmore. I'd like you to accept, however, two pound ten which is on its way to you by courtesy of Mobile Gas. That means next next week's story is worth ten pounds. Well, now it's time to say good night. From your mirth enemies, the two knights of the clown table, Willie Fennell. Good night, everybody. Thanks, buddy. There's Buster Fidez.

[Buster Fidez]

Good night, Bob.

[Bobby Lim]

Good night. Good night.

[Buster Fidez]

Good night, everybody.

[Bobby Lim]

And Dawn Lee.

[Mrs. Cleghorn]

And remember, don't say nothing at all if you can't say nothing about nobody.

[Bobby Lim]

Yeah, yeah. All right. From Bobby Lim saying let's have some good stories so that we can whip up real fun when we get together again. Good night and see you next week. It.