Bertha And Karl Bertha - Still Gets Grilled

Summary

---

Harold's Old Time Radio

Episode: Bertha and Karl Bertha – Still Gets Grilled

Podcast Date: April 5, 2026

---

Episode Overview

This episode dives into another comically absurd installment of “The Adventures of Bertha and Carl,” a spoof melodrama set in the imagined golden age of radio serials. Our protagonist, Bertha—ever resourceful and slightly bewildered—continues to endure interrogation by the villainous Carl while recounting outlandish stories of her many husbands. Interwoven are subplots involving her friends and arch-nemeses, all rendered in a tone both satirical and nostalgic for classic radio melodrama.

---

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Bertha’s Interrogation by Carl

• Setting: A dingy, “rat-infested dungeon,” where Bertha is held captive and pressured for information about her former husbands, who may possess secrets of government importance.
• Dynamic: Carl, equal parts inept and dastardly, records Bertha’s tales with feigned patience, offering junk food bribes for each story.
• Notable Exchange:
  • Bertha chides Carl for his lack of fun:

    “You saved my life. Take me out to dinner, drug me. Take me to this rat infested dungeon. You're no fun, Carl. And I think you're secretly kinky.” (04:34 – Bertha)

  • Carl, deadpan, retorts:

    “Sticks and stones can break my bones.” (04:47 – Carl) “Prove that.” (04:49 – Bertha)

2. The Saga of Wilbur – Twice-Dead Husband

• Bertha recounts her honeymoon with first husband, Wilbur, in New York—a parody adventure with slapstick dialogue and mistaken deaths.
• Incident at the Automat:
  • The couple is baffled by the concept of self-serve dining and the brusque New Yorkers.
  • Wilbur’s wallet goes missing, only to discover Bertha took control of their finances, per her mother’s advice:

    “Mama always taught me that if you took over your husband’s money, you’d never regret it.” (09:14 – Bertha)

• Tragicomic Climax:
  • Wilbur becomes a casualty of a vending mishap:

    “He just started eating it and the door closed.” (11:08 – Bertha)

  • Bertha:

    “We thought Wilbur was dead. It took firemen two hours to get the correct change to vend his body.” (11:45 – Bertha)

  • Wilbur later apparently dies again, this time due to confusion between oatmeal and guacamole.

3. Side Plots – Friends and Foes

• Eunice Meriwether's Depression:
  • Bertha’s concerned friend Eunice, in conversation with Dr. Highwater, struggles with guilt and loneliness.

    “The problem was not with Bertha, but was really with me?” (02:20 – Freddy Turner)

• Sybil Curtly & Max’s Villainous Scheming:
  • The “archwife” Sybil and her partner Max plot Bertha’s demise, with a comic twist:

    “I can blow up a plane at 600 yards. All I have to do is get Bertha on a plane.” (12:44 – Freddy Turner as Sybil’s sidekick)

4. Commercial Parodies & Golden Age Flavors

• Feather Foods/Bird of Prey Rebranding:
  • An absurd, retro parody commercial announces a name change—from Feather Foods to Bird of Prey—laden with tongue-in-cheek product pitches like:

    “A five pound fully cooked chicken foot ham, artificially flavored with a rich food like taste.” (03:39 – Feather Foods Announcer)

  • Bertha’s deadpan:

    “Oh, then it's kosher.” (03:50 – Bertha)

5. Episode Cliffhanger & Preview

• Next Episode Teaser:
  • Dr. Helen Highwater vows to resolve the convoluted affairs with a “face to face confrontation with Dr. Gustav Wagner and his lover, Freddy Turner.” (13:29 – Dr. Highwater/Bertha)
  • The narrator’s closing words maintain the spirit of serialized suspense.

---

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On interrogation bargains:

  “What would you give me for this story?” (05:29 – Bertha)
  “I'm letting you live.” (05:31 – Carl)
  “Dead persons tell no tales.” (05:33 – Bertha)

• Classic New Yorker brusqueness:

  “Are you going to yap in line, or are you going to go in?” (07:37 – New Yorker)

• Comedic misunderstanding:

  “He just started eating it and the door closed.” (11:08 – Bertha, about the automated vending compartment)

• On plans gone awry:

  “If I can’t find Bertha, I’ll have to wreak havoc on someone else. The first person to come along in a plane.” (13:09 – Sybil Curtly/Max)

---

Important Timestamps

• 01:49 – Bertha and Dr. Highwater talk with Freddy Turner (emotional subplot)
• 03:09 – Parody commercial for Feather Foods/Bird of Prey
• 04:34 – Bertha and Carl’s banter escalates in the dungeon
• 06:04 – Bertha’s flashback: Wilbur’s first “death”
• 09:12 – Bertha admits commandeering Wilbur’s wallet
• 11:08 – Punchline of the automat mishap and Wilbur’s demise
• 13:29 – Next episode teaser with Dr. Highwater’s plan

---

Tone & Style

The episode is best described as a deft homage and send-up of vintage radio soaps: arch, melodramatic, and intentionally hammy with a wink to the listener. Dialogue is packed with comic timing, hyperbole, and era-appropriate vocabulary.

---

Summary Takeaway

“Bertha Still Gets Grilled” brilliantly lampoons the tropes of serialized radio drama. It blends outrageous storytelling with affectionate parody, from exasperated heroines to baffling mishaps in New York automats, all tied together by interludes of nefarious plotting and zany product pitches. Listeners are left poised for yet another day of adventure, intrigue, and bologna sandwiches with caraway seeds.

---

Transcript

[Liberty Mutual Spokesperson]

And Doug, there's nowhere I wouldn't go to help someone customize and save on car insurance with Liberty Mutual. Even if it means sitting front row at a comedy show.

[Friend/Commentator]

Hey, everyone, check out this guy and his bird. What is this, your first date?

[Liberty Mutual Spokesperson (partner)]

Oh, no.

[Liberty Mutual Spokesperson]

We help people customize and save on car insurance with Liberty Mutual. Together we're married. Me to a human, him to a bird.

[Friend/Commentator]

Yeah, the bird looks out of your league.

[Liberty Mutual Spokesperson]

Anyways, Only pay for what you [e-mail] Liberty.

[Friend/Commentator]

Liberty. Liberty. Liberty.

[Narrator]

Time once again for the adventures of Bertha and Carl. The continuing story of a brave woman from the small Midwestern community of Pratt Falls who goes through life trying to find herself, even though most of the time she is beside herself. Today's episode is entitled Bertha Still Gets Grilled. As you recall, Bertha is being interrogated by an evil, limping man known only as Carl. Carl has been desperately hoping that among the stories Bertha related of her many husbands will be some important piece of information to report back to his anxious government. After the more amusing tales, the twisted Carl rewards Bertha with just enough junk food to enable her to struggle through the next story. But before we return to the rat infested dungeon where our Bertha is being tormented, we look in on Bertha's oldest and dearest friend, Eunice Meriwether, who sits alone in her modest home on Hope street, suffering a torment of her own. As we part the heavy sash on the custom buttermilk drapes with big blue daisies on them, we hear.

[Bertha]

Hello, Ms. Merriweather. Did you just get in?

[Freddy Turner]

No, I've been sitting here in the house for days. Dr. Highwater. I just haven't answered the phone.

[Bertha]

Call me. Helen. Is anything wrong?

[Freddy Turner]

No, I've just been thinking about what you told me during our last session.

[Bertha]

About me raising my rates?

[Freddy Turner]

No, about me and my feelings about Bertha.

[Bertha]

You mean your feeling that Bertha was really evil deep down inside and should be punished?

[Freddy Turner]

Hey, don't say things like that.

[Bertha]

You said it, I didn't. Well, yes, and how you said the

[Freddy Turner]

problem was not with Bertha, but was really with me?

[Bertha]

No, I said it was the way you viewed Bertha. The guilt isn't because of you as you. It's because of the way you see you and Bertha.

[Carl]

Understand?

[Bertha]

No, don't feel bad. I think I just lost Me too.

[Freddy Turner]

Dr. Highwater, I want to thank you for all you've tried to do to help me. Really, I'm sorry your time couldn't have been spent on a better person.

[Bertha]

Do you mind if I come over? No.

[Wilbur]

But why?

[Bertha]

I think I need to come over.

[Freddy Turner]

I really don't feel like company just now.

[Bertha]

No, you should think of it as a house call.

[Narrator]

And as Eunice sinks deeper into depression, Bertha is still being interrogated. We'll join her in Carl's secret hideaway in just a moment. But first,

[Feather Foods Announcer]

Feather Foods is changing its name. Feather Foods is changing its name to Bird of Prey.

[Bertha]

What? You mean I won't be able to buy Feather Foods anymore?

[Feather Foods Announcer]

Feather Foods will still be there, but the sticker will say Bird of Prey.

[Bertha]

I used Feather Food Party Stuff spirit at my wedding. And my mother uses Feather Food Chicken beak meal loaf for my dad's low cholesterol diet.

[Feather Foods Announcer]

Her foods is still around, but now it's called Bird of Prey. Look for the Bird of Prey's bright green wings in your supermarket frozen food case.

[Bertha]

Thank you.

[Feather Foods Announcer]

And look for the special Bird of Prey introductory offer. A five pound fully cooked chicken foot ham, artificially flavored with a rich food like taste.

[Bertha]

Oh, then it's kosher.

[Feather Foods Announcer]

Yours for just 79 cents in this special introductory offer.

[Bertha]

I'm on my way.

[Feather Foods Announcer]

Feather Foods is changing its name to Bird of Prey. Remember, the sticker with the label may be peeling off the package, but the good food inside is the very same you knew and loved for years under another name. Bird of Prey. Fine Poultry products.

[Freddy Turner]

Bird of Prey is featured at all Ma and PA supermarkets.

[Narrator]

We rejoin the brave woman from Pratt Falls in a rat infested dungeon somewhere far away. It may be the dim light playing trickster on us, but it would appear that the interrogator is a little frayed around the edges as we hear Bertha say.

[Bertha]

You're no fun, Carl. What do you mean? Oh, just what I said. You saved my life. Take me out to dinner, drug me. Take me to this rat infested dungeon. You're no fun, Carl. And I think you're secretly kinky.

[Carl]

Sticks and stones can break my bones.

[Bertha]

Prove that.

[Carl]

You're wasting time again.

[Bertha]

You know how trying this is? Telling you all these stories? They're my personal memories. They're very painful for me.

[Carl]

You don't want me to show you what painful really is, do you?

[Bertha]

All right. Who do you want to hear about now?

[Carl]

Not yet. Let me thread the tape into my recorder.

[Bertha]

You've been recording these?

[Carl]

Yes. I was supposed to record your story. I had no idea there would be so many of them.

[Bertha]

Well, if none of the husbands I told you about are the right ones, why don't you erase the tape?

[Carl]

Thinking of releasing them as a double album? A late night television offer.

[Bertha]

Oh, Carl.

[Carl]

There. Begin.

[Bertha]

No. What would you give me for this story?

[Carl]

I'm letting you live.

[Bertha]

Dead persons tell no tales.

[Carl]

What if I said I wasn't going to give you anything?

[Bertha]

I said you wouldn't get told what you wanted to get told.

[Carl]

Oh, all right. A ham sandwich.

[Bertha]

Cheese.

[Carl]

All right. With cheese.

[Bertha]

With cheese.

[Carl]

Talk.

[Bertha]

Let's. Have I told you about Leo?

[Carl]

Yes.

[Bertha]

Swami Veranda. Yes. Rastus.

[Carl]

Yes. Yes, yes. And Barney and Gordon and Pat and Mike and Vic and Sade and Russian, Howard and Bill.

[Bertha]

Which time?

[Carl]

Which time?

[Bertha]

Wilbur died twice.

[Carl]

You're kidding.

[Bertha]

No, Carl, I don't kid.

[Carl]

Twice, eh?

[Bertha]

Yes. The first time we only thought he had died. Wilbur was my first husband, and we were on our honeymoon in New York. We were two young, naive Midwesterners doing the Big Apple, seeing the sights, having a wonderful time, little suspecting the terrible trick fate would play.

[Wilbur]

Oh, Bertha, darling, I am having such a wonderful time. Are you, my love?

[Bertha]

Oh, yes. All of the big Broadway theaters. Wilbur, next time could we go inside the theaters? See a show? Maybe.

[Wilbur]

I don't know. They can be awfully expensive. And the New York on $7 a day book advises against me. But if my darling widow baby doll wants to see a show, let's throw caution to the wind.

[Bertha]

Wilbur, control yourself. People are looking.

[Wilbur]

Let them look.

[Bertha]

Shall we get a bite to eat?

[Wilbur]

You're all I need, Wilbur. Gee, Bertha, this is our honeymoon. We're supposed to act like silly newlyweds.

[Bertha]

But not on the sidewalk. Besides, we've got the rest of our lives to Noomy Mooney.

[Wilbur]

I love it when you do that.

[Bertha]

Let's go get a sandwich.

[Wilbur]

Okay. The book advises the hard art. Sounds interesting.

[Bertha]

Well, there's one. Let's go in.

[Wilbur]

Look at all the people.

[Bertha]

My, everyone looks so busy. This is nothing like a diamond dying back in crap spa.

[Wilbur]

Of course not. This is New York and New Yorkers.

[New Yorker/Man in Diner]

Are you going to yap in line? Are you going to go in?

[Bertha]

Oh, we're sorry. It's our first time in New York. Christ.

[New Yorker/Man in Diner]

Out of town is.

[Bertha]

Out of my way, mister. You can't move through here.

[New Yorker/Man in Diner]

Oh, wait 30 minutes for lunch. Out of my way.

[Wilbur]

That's my wife you're shoving, buddy.

[Bertha]

And we better get moving through the line before someone else.

[New Yorker/Man in Diner]

Pardon me.

[Bertha]

We're moving.

[Carl]

No, no.

[New Yorker/Man in Diner]

Did you say you were from France, Paul?

[Wilbur]

That's right.

[Carl]

Well, I have an aunt who lives just over the hill in Midway City.

[Bertha]

Really?

[Carl]

Small world, isn't it?

[Wilbur]

Yeah.

[Carl]

I take it you've never eaten in A hot OD before?

[Bertha]

Well, no. Easy. We're on our honeymoon.

[Carl]

I understand. May I.

[Wilbur]

May you? Wine?

[Carl]

May I show you the ropes, sort of speed?

[Bertha]

Would you?

[Carl]

May I?

[Bertha]

Please do.

[Carl]

Well, you see all those little glass windows? Well, behind each window is something to eat. A pudding, a jello, maybe a sandwich, hot entre, cake, pie.

[Bertha]

Oh, nice.

[Wilbur]

How do we get the food out?

[Carl]

Well, beside each window is a little coin slot. Yes, you simply drop in nickels until you paid for the food. The little window opens.

[Bertha]

How clever.

[Carl]

Oh, my. Look at the time. I must be running.

[New Yorker/Man in Diner]

I hope you folks enjoy yourself.

[Bertha]

I get my love to add apple. What's her last name?

[Wilbur]

Forget it. He can't hear you.

[Bertha]

Oh, well, that certainly changed my mind about New Yorkers.

[Wilbur]

What a nice man.

[Bertha]

And so helpful.

[Wilbur]

Well, let's get some change and have lunch. Oh.

[Bertha]

What is it?

[Wilbur]

My wallet's missing.

[Bertha]

Maybe you left it in the room.

[Wilbur]

No, I had it with me at the zoo.

[Bertha]

That's strange. Our wallet doesn't just get up and leave.

[Wilbur]

All our money was in that wallet.

[Bertha]

Oh, don't be silly. What? I'm your wife, aren't I?

[Wilbur]

No wife of mine is going to have to pay for my life.

[Bertha]

I have your money.

[Wilbur]

What?

[Bertha]

I went through your pockets while you were in the shower.

[Carl]

You what?

[Bertha]

Mama always taught me that if you took over your husband's money, you'd never regret it. And she was right.

[Wilbur]

How resourceful. But my wallet.

[Bertha]

We'll buy you another wallet.

[Wilbur]

But it had our picture in it.

[Bertha]

Oh, don't be silly. Oh. Oh, no, not that picture.

[Wilbur]

Well, yeah.

[Bertha]

Oh. Oh, Wilbur, you told me you destroyed the negative.

[Wilbur]

I did, but I kept one friend for sentimental reason.

[Bertha]

If anyone should ever see that picture. Are you gonna yak all day? Are you gonna eat? We're gonna eat. And if you push past me, I'll put this pocketbook right between your ears. First time? Hey, I didn't mean anything by you. Take it easy, lady. Let's get our lunch.

[Wilbur]

Wilbur, I've never seen you so angry.

[Bertha]

I wasn't angry.

[Wilbur]

But look, that tone of life.

[Bertha]

Oh, well, you know, when he rose.

[New Yorker/Man in Diner]

Hurry it up up there.

[Bertha]

Shut up.

[Wilbur]

We found some animals. Bertha, honey.

[Bertha]

Well, I didn't want to upset you.

[Wilbur]

No, I like it. It gives me ideas for later.

[Bertha]

I guess. You just take one of these trays. Very good. Now, could you speed it up just a little? Oh, your mother wears corrective army. Sure. Yeah, but my mother has. She's better than I am.

[Wilbur]

Look at the wonderful selection.

[Bertha]

Bertha.

[Wilbur]

Eric.

[Bertha]

Yes? I think I'LL just have this little turkey pressed loaf sandwich. Oh, it smells a little funny. Well, I guess it must be so good they wouldn't sell it if it wasn't. Wilbur.

[Wilbur]

Don't mind me. I'm just looking at all the wonderful things I had to choose from I'll

[Bertha]

find at the table. Oh, rats. Pour my napkin. Oh, well, I'm not very sloppy anyway.

[New Yorker/Man in Diner]

Oh, no.

[Bertha]

That was. I wonder what's going on. Excuse me. Excuse me, sir. Ma'. Am. Pardon me, sir.

[New Yorker/Man in Diner]

What is it?

[Bertha]

That's what I was going to ask. What are they excited about?

[New Yorker/Man in Diner]

Some guy over there, he just puts his nickels in for a chicken salad sandwich and he tries to eat it

[Bertha]

well, and everyone's excited.

[New Yorker/Man in Diner]

You don't get it.

[Carl]

He didn't take it out of the dispenser.

[Bertha]

He just started eating it and the door closed.

[Wilbur]

Oh, my.

[New Yorker/Man in Diner]

It's pretty gruesome. You better not.

[Bertha]

Look, lady, I'm pretty strong. I'll be able to tell my husband. He gets pretty squeamish.

[Narrator]

All right.

[New Yorker/Man in Diner]

Just don't puke on my new shoe.

[Bertha]

See that? Isn't it. Wilbur. Wilbur?

[New Yorker/Man in Diner]

You know him?

[Bertha]

That is my husband.

[Carl]

Was.

[Bertha]

What's happening now?

[New Yorker/Man in Diner]

Well, there's a little vacuum in the wall to clean the compartment.

[Bertha]

Oh, it's sucking his body in. Oh. Oh, no.

[New Yorker/Man in Diner]

Look, lady, I'll get it back. I just got to get some change.

[Bertha]

We thought Wilbur was dead. It took firemen two hours to get the correct change to vend his body. And when his body disappeared from the morgue, we just assumed it had been taken by necrophiliacs. But he wasn't dead.

[Carl]

I know, but he is dead now.

[Bertha]

Yes, from guacamole. I mean, oatmeal. He thought it was guacamole from sitting out for so long.

[Carl]

Heard that one?

[Bertha]

Oh, yes, that's right, that one. Well, did you like it?

[Carl]

Yeah, it was pretty good.

[Bertha]

Is that the one? Will you let me go?

[Carl]

Now, don't be silly. It isn't even closed.

[Bertha]

But yet.

[Carl]

Here's your sandwich. Ham and cheese on rye bread.

[Bertha]

But I hate rye bread.

[Carl]

Picky, picky, picky. If you don't want it, I'll take it.

[Bertha]

Yuck. Caraway seeds.

[Narrator]

And at that same time, in a motel room of civil, Curtly Bertha's archwife.

[Bertha]

Max, I can't stand all this waiting. I know, sweetie pie. Just when you get the perfect, nasty

[Carl]

thing to do to this birthday dame.

[Bertha]

Sip. She's gone. So perfect.

[Freddy Turner]

Max, I can blow up a plane at 600 yards. All I have to do is get

[Bertha]

Bertha on a plane. You gotta tell me how you do that sometime.

[Freddy Turner]

Oh, Max, I'm so lucky to have found you. Yeah, and you're so lucky to have found me.

[Bertha]

Yeah, that too. What am I going to do if I don't find Bertha? I'll go out of my mind. Have we got any wine left? Well, it doesn't matter.

[Freddy Turner]

If I can find Bertha, I'll have

[Bertha]

to wreak havoc on someone else. The first person to come along in a plane. What happened to the boar?

[Narrator]

Will Sybil curtly wreak her havoc on some random victim? Or will our Bertha return in time to meet her doom? And what of Eunice? Join us tomorrow when we will hear Dr. Helen Highwater say the only way

[Bertha]

we're going to resolve this is a face to face confrontation with Dr. Gustav Wagner and his lover, Freddy Turner. I'm going to fly to Mexico and bring them back.

[Narrator]

That's tomorrow on the Further Adventures of Bertha and Carl. This is Farrington, Edwards Collier speaking.

[Liberty Mutual Spokesperson]

And Doug. There's nowhere I wouldn't go to help someone customize and save on car insurance with Liberty Mutual. Even if it means sitting front row at a comedy show.

[Friend/Commentator]

Hey, everyone. Check out this guy and his bird. What is this, your first date?

[Liberty Mutual Spokesperson (partner)]

Oh, no.

[Liberty Mutual Spokesperson]

We help people customize and save on car insurance with Liberty Mutual together. We're married. Me to a human, him to a bird.

[Friend/Commentator]

Yeah, the bird looks out of your league anyways.

[Liberty Mutual Spokesperson]

Only pay for what you [e-mail] Liberty.

[Friend/Commentator]

Liberty. Liberty. Liberty.

[Liberty Mutual Spokesperson (partner)]

To realize the future America needs, we understand what's needed from us to face each threat head on. We've earned our place in the fight for our nation's future. We are Mariah Marines. We were made for this.