Better Half 09/16/1949

Summary

Podcast Summary

Podcast: Harold's Old Time Radio
Episode: Better Half 09/16/1949
Air Date: March 13, 2026 (Rebroadcast)
Original Air Date: September 16, 1949
Host: Tiny Ruffner
Theme: Family Fun and Friendly Competition on Classic Radio

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Episode Overview

This episode of "The Better Half" brings listeners back to the golden era of radio game shows, featuring married couples competing in friendly, lighthearted battles of wit to determine who is “the better half” in their household. Hosted by the jovial and quick-witted Tiny Ruffner, the show combines playful banter, general knowledge quizzes, gender-based trivia, and musical interludes, all wrapped in the humor and energy characteristic of classic radio.

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Key Discussion Points & Segments

Introduction and Format (00:31 – 00:55)

• Host Tiny Ruffner welcomes the audience, promising “a barrel of fun” and explaining the evening’s format: married couples compete in trivia and skills challenges for small cash prizes and household gifts.
• Main Theme: Who, between husband and wife, knows more about the other’s world—and who will emerge as “the better half.”

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Couple 1: Mr. and Mrs. Lewis Fleischman (Forest Hills, Long Island) (00:55 – 06:56)

Meet the Fleischmans (00:55 – 02:02)

• Mr. Fleischman reveals he is a flight engineer for Pan American Airways.
• Tiny Ruffner’s signature puns and friendly ribbing about flying and marriage.

World Leaders Quiz (02:04 – 03:43)

• Game: Identify which countries certain royal titles belong to:

  • “Shah” → Persia (Iran)
  • “Rajah” → India
  • “King of Kings” → Ethiopia
  • “Keeper of 24 golden umbrellas” → Siam (Thailand)
  • “Sultan” → Turkey

• Notable Moment: Mrs. Fleischman struggles to keep up, prompting Tiny to quip:

  • Tiny Ruffner: "Honey, you can't win there just doing nothing... they're sucking an egg or something." [02:23]

Gender World Questions: “Man’s World” and “Woman’s World” (03:43 – 06:42)

• Mrs. Fleischman’s Question: Men's Fashions

  • Asked about an article of men’s clothing still bedecked with laces.
  • Her humorous answer: “Is it shorts?... they lace up the back of the shorts to make them fit snug.” [04:35]
  • Actual answer: shoelaces, but Tiny appreciates her creativity and awards $5.

• Mr. Fleischman’s Question: Cooking

  • Describes how to roast a duck with much comic prompting:
    • Mr. Fleischman: "You stick a fork in it, and if the duck doesn't fly off, it's done.” [05:49]
  • Tiny retorts: “But if I were you, I think I’d stick to beans.”

Results (06:42 – 06:56)

• Final Score: Husband 13, Wife 7 – “The husband is the winner.”
• Prizes: Mr. Fleischman wins a Whitnaw Watch, Mrs. Fleischman receives an Evans silver-plated table lighter.

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Couple 2: Mr. and Mrs. Frank Sullivan (Philadelphia, PA) (11:35 – 18:21)

Meet the Sullivans (11:35 – 12:28)

• Mr. Sullivan is an egg salesman; banter about eggs, hen breeds, and marital longevity.

“Number of Letters” Trivia Game (12:29 – 14:34)

• Quickfire challenge: Name a food (for Mr. S) or clothing item (for Mrs. S) matching a specified number of letters.
  • “5 letters”: steak and dress — steak wins.
  • “3 letters”: hat.
  • “6 letters”: hot dog.
  • “4 letters”: coat.
  • “8 letters”: overcoat (baloney, at 7 letters, is incorrect).

Gender World Questions (14:34 – 18:08)

• Mrs. Sullivan: “Great Outdoors" — What animal hits its antagonist with its tail?

  • After much back-and-forth, answers “horse.” [15:34]

• Mr. Sullivan: “Shopping” — Lingerie item that helps defy gravity?

  • Guesses: parachute, girdle, finally gives up.
  • Correct answer: garters. [16:54]
  • “What holds your socks up?” asks Tiny; Mrs. Sullivan supplies the answer.

Results (18:08 – 18:21)

• Final Score: Wife 16, Husband 4 – “The wife is the winner.”
• Prizes: Mrs. Sullivan gets a Longines Wittnauer wristwatch, Mr. Sullivan receives an Aladdin’s Lamp table lighter.

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Couple 3: Mr. and Mrs. Kleinrock (The Bronx) (19:21 – 23:29)

Meet the Kleinrocks (19:21 – 20:07)

• Mr. Kleinrock works in a chain store (“We sell everything”).
• Playful banter about housework and marital roles.

General Knowledge Quiz (20:09 – 21:49)

• Largest: Mars/Jupiter/Earth? — Jupiter

• Smallest: Atom/Molecule/Ion? — Ion

• Hottest: Borneo/Bolivia/Brooklyn? — Borneo

• Coldest: Algeria/Siberia/Liberia? — Siberia

• Smartest: Chimpanzee/Lady/Donkey? — Chimpanzee

• Notable Quote:

  • "Send that woman back to the Bronx. Borneo is correct." – Tiny Ruffner [20:37]

Gender World Questions (21:49 – 23:15)

• Mrs. Kleinrock: “Business World” — What kind of business always ‘makes ends meet’?

  • Incorrect answers: “rubber,” “girdle.” Actual answer sought: “baloney” (pun).

• Mr. Kleinrock: “Wedded Bliss” — First couple to have a quarrel?

  • Correct: Adam and Eve. “…the scripture says they raised Cain.” [22:59]

Results (23:15 – 23:29)

• Final Score: Husband 16, Wife 4 – “The husband is the winner.”
• Prizes: Mr. Kleinrock receives a Longines Wittnauer wristwatch; Mrs. Kleinrock gets a Evans silver-plated Aladdin table lighter.

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Bonus Round: The Fruit Melody Challenge (23:29 – 28:01)

Musical Interlude (Bill Burgess & the Jesters) (09:37 – 11:35; 24:58 – 26:52)

• Medley of fruit-themed songs, e.g.,
  • “Yes, We Have No Bananas”
  • “Everything is Peaches Down in Georgia”
  • “Life is Just a Bowl of Cherries”
  • Good-natured humor and upbeat energy.

Contest: Name the Fruits in the Medley

• All three family winners correctly identify: Bananas, Peaches, Apples, Cherries, Oranges.
• Tiebreaker: Guess the number of words in the first tune.
  • Mr. Kleinrock: 40
  • Mr. Fleischman: 60
  • Mrs. Sullivan: 30
    Correct answer: 27 (“…it took the little lady to get that grand television set.”)

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On roasting duck:
  “You stick a fork in it, and if the duck doesn't fly off, it's done.”
  — Mr. Fleischman [05:49]

• Gendered trivia banter:
  “Would you like to scramble them up good tonight and show them who the better half… really is?”
  — Tiny Ruffner [12:20]

• Egg pun volley:
  “How long you been married to this omelette, Mr. Sullivan?”
  — Tiny Ruffner [12:36]

• Shopping challenge:
  “Have you ever gone into a lingerie shop by yourself?”
  — Tiny Ruffner [15:46]
  “No, I haven’t...I don't think I have the courage.”
  — Mr. Sullivan [15:52]

• “Business always makes ends meet?”
  “Rubber.” — Mrs. Kleinrock [21:49]
  “A girdle.” — Mr. Kleinrock [21:52]

• On marital quarrels:
  “The first couple who quarreled? Adam and Eve. The scripture says they raised Cain, remember?”
  — Tiny Ruffner [22:59]

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Segment Timestamps

| Segment | Start | Notable Moments | |-------------------------------|-----------|------------------------------------------------------| | Introduction | 00:31 | Show premise and intro | | Couple 1: Fleischmans | 00:55 | Fun about flying; “Shah” to “Sultan” quiz | | Gender World Qs (Fleischmans) | 03:43 | Men’s Fashions; Duck roasting comedy | | Results (Fleischmans) | 06:42 | Prizes awarded | | Couple 2: Sullivans | 11:35 | Egg jokes; trivia game of food/clothing letters | | Gender World Qs (Sullivans) | 14:34 | Great Outdoors; Shopping; “Garters” mishap | | Results (Sullivans) | 18:08 | Prizes and winner declared | | Couple 3: Kleinrocks | 19:21 | Store job banter; science and world knowledge quiz | | Gender World Qs (Kleinrocks) | 21:49 | “Baloney business”; Adam and Eve trivia | | Results (Kleinrocks) | 23:15 | Prizes and winner declared | | Fruit Melody Challenge | 23:29 | Classic songs; fruit ID game; TV set tiebreaker |

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Language & Tone

• Warm, jovial, and brimming with mid-century humor.
• Classic radio banter with light gender stereotypes, puns, and audience engagement.
• Host Tiny Ruffner keeps the pace lively, gently teases contestants, and encourages friendly competition.

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Summary

This episode of The Better Half is a delightful time capsule of postwar radio entertainment, filled with wordplay, rapid-fire trivia, and gentle ribbing between husbands and wives. Each round showcases not only the era’s sense of humor but its wholesome, family-centered fun—culminating in music, prizes, and a tiebreaking challenge for a coveted television set. For fans of the golden age of radio, it’s nostalgic, upbeat, and just as charming as when families gathered around the living room to listen live.

Transcript

[A]

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[B]

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[A]

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[B]

Visit safewayoralbertsons.com for more deals and ways to save.

[A]

Ladies and gentlemen, meet the Better Half.

[C]

There'll be a hot time in no town tonight because there's one in every family we know you will agree. So join us now as we find out who the better half will be.

[A]

Well, hello, friends. This is Tiny Ruffner here to welcome you to Radio's favorite family fun show, the Better Half. We got a barrel of fun in store for you tonight, so hold on tight as we get underway with tonight's transcribed battle of wits. Here on the top of our list to see who's best in their little nest are Mr. And Mrs. Lewis Fleischman from Forest Hills, Long Island. Come right up the mic. Now. Hello. And how are you, Mr. And Mrs. Fleischman? Hello, Tony. Hello, Tiny. I see. Are you Fleischman, the Eastman Fleischmann, the gin man, or Fleischmann, the ladies man? Which is it? Gin. Just plain Fleischmann. Just plain flight. You're very modest. What do you do for a living, sir? I'm a flight engineer with Pan American World Airways. Oh, you're a Fleischmann, A flight man. What does a flight engineer do? Well, he makes sure the airplane keeps running in flight. Oh, that's very nice of him, too. I have a neighbor of mine who went in for flying the other day, held a match over his gasoline tank to see if there was any gas in it. Last seen, he was just going over fire Rockaway. Say, how do you like being married to a guy who's up in the air most of the time, Mrs. Fleishman? I don't mind it all, Tiny. You don't? Really?

[C]

No.

[A]

Do you fly with him on occasions?

[C]

Oh, yes.

[A]

You know, I flew here from Los Angeles about a month ago. I never thought I'd make it. My arms got so tired, I had to finally flap my ears. They thought I was Clark Gable coming in after. Well, let's see if we can ground the two of you long enough here tonight to see who the better half of this family really is. We'll start off by seeing whose metal meter is the fleeter. With this first round of questions, Both of you go after these. And the first to come up with the right answer each time will collect. I'm going to give you, too, some of the titles. And I want you to tell me about these titles, if you had them, what countries you would be ruling. Now, here's the first one. If you were the shah instead of what you are, you'd be the ruler of what country? Persia. Very correct, Mr. Fleischman. That's wonderful. You start off, a man begins in the lead for a chance. Now, number two, if you were a rajah instead of a shah, you'd be the ruler of what country? Well, maybe somewhere in India. That is correct. You would be a ruler in India. Are you still with us, Mrs. Fleischmann? Yes, I'm standing here. Snap your little booby lips open. Start slapping them. Honey, you can't win there. Just do nothing. They're sucking an egg or something. Well, here's number three. The title king of kings would make you kingpin of what little country in Africa? Ethiopia. Ethiopia is Korea. Haile Selassie by name, huh? All right. Now, here's number four. If you were the. Here's a tough one. If you were the keeper of 24 golden umbrellas, you'd be ruling what country? Personally, I'd rather be just as Siam in Siam. Siam is correct. No help from the audience, please. Mr. Fleischmann, you've got eight, and that leaves Mr. Spleishman just two. If she can get it here, the title of sultan. And you would be a real big shot in what country?

[C]

Huh?

[A]

What country? What do you have for Thanksgiving? Oh, turkey dance the plate over here with a little 2Dol. You're going. Mrs. Pike. I thought for a moment we'd lost you there. He'd left you home. Now, Mrs. F, it's your chance to take a fling at a question from the Man's world. As a married woman, you probably know a little about some of the things your husband thinks he knows a lot about. Which one of those subjects over there under the Man's World, would you like to say a chance at. For $5, please. Number three, men's fashions time. Men's fashions. Well, from the way your husband is accouted here tonight, I say that if your taste is exemplified by what he has on, that you're quite good at it. As you probably know, Mrs. Fleischmann, the style of men's clothes doesn't change as often as women's. But they are different today from what they were years ago. Now, they've discarded the ruffles and frills they used to wear. But in spite of this, however, they still wear one thing that's bedecked with laces. What is it? Do you know? Um, is it shorts? Based on their shorts? Why, Mr. Fleischmann. Oh, Tony, I didn't mean it like that. I didn't mean that kind of lace. I meant they lace up the back of the shorts to make them fit snug. She's got me there. Very, very good, Mrs. Fleischman. Very good indeed. Here, we're thinking of shoelaces, but your idea is fine. We'll give you five dollars. Over there, you have a grand total of seven. Now, your husband's only a buck ahead. And now it's your turn, Mr. Fleischman. And from the world of feminine fantasies, which one of those topics would you like to discuss? For $5, I'm gonna try cooking tonight. You're gonna try cooking, huh? Gonna step into the culinary department. Okay, boy, let's see what we can do in that particular division of our life's work. You do some cooking at home then, Mr. Flashman? Once in a while. Mm. Could you roast a duck? I think so.

[C]

Uh huh.

[A]

Suppose just have you tell us how you do it. Go right ahead. You mean how to roast a duck? That's right. That's what I mean. Go right ahead. I'd put it in the oven. You put it in the oven? Well, now, wait a minute there. There's more to it than that. Well, I'd kill it first. You'd kill it? Kill it? The duck would have a little of the bite taken out of it at that point. That would help a little bit. All right. Now it's a Now, what do you do with it? Well, I take the feathers off and stuff it. You mean, you stuff the duck with its own feathers? No, I make bread and stuff and stuff like that. Oh, stuff and stuff. You mean it's stuffed with stuff and stuff? Well, then, what comes next? Cook it. You put it in the oven then. And you cook it. Now, how long do you cook it? Oh, three, four hours. Uh huh. All right. Now here's the important thing. How do you know when it's done? Well, you stick a fork in it, and if the duck doesn't fly off, it's done. You did all right, Mr. Fleischmann. But if I were you, I think I'd stick to beans. Put five more dollars up there for a minute. And now let's take a look at the score in the Fleischman family. The husband is ahead and wins by a score of 13 to 7.

[C]

So the husband is the winner.

[A]

The husband is the winner.

[C]

The husband is the winner. Let's give him a great.

[A]

Time to go to Mr. Feisman, along with this beautiful Whitnaw Watch, a distinguished member of the Longines Whitnaw family of fine watches. We'll be hearing from you again at the end of the show when you'll try your skill at winning a wonderful video dime. Television receiver. The last word in television perfection for you, Mrs. Flashman. Here's a lovely automatic Evans silver plated table lighter. Thank you both very much. You were grand. Sports. Now, friends, it's my privilege to tell you about a very interesting contest that's for everybody. You know him. You've seen him in newspapers and magazines. Now, who is Mr. X? Can you name him? You may win $1,000 or more. Yes, sir, folks, Mr. X is back again to thrill and delight you in the most popular contest of the year. It's easy and it's very exciting. Who is Mr. X? Well, see this Sunday's New York Star Ledger or Long Island Sunday Press. Find out how you can win $1,000 or more by simply answering the question, who is Mr. X? See how all the cash jackpots grow and grow and grow. Now, if you live in New Jersey, see Mr. X's picture in this Sunday's Newark Star Ledger. If you live in Queens or Long Island, See him in this Sunday's Long Island Press. Will you know the answer to who is Mr. X? Remember, whether you have a telephone or not, you are eligible to win in these Mixter X contests. I'm here on the job site with Dale, who's a framing contractor. Hey, good morning. Dale traded up to Geico Commercial Auto Insurance for all his business vehicles. We're here where he needs us most. Yep, they sure are. We make it easy for him to save on all his insurance needs, all in one place with coverage that fits his business and bottom line. Oh, I shouldn't have looked down. It's all right. We're so far up here. Look at me. Take a deep breath.

[C]

I'm good. So good.

[A]

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[B]

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[A]

Before our second couple comes to bat, Bill Burgess and our well prized jesters here would like to do a chorus or two of the top tune of the day, Someday. Hit it boys.

[C]

I know that someday you'll want me to want you when I'm in love with somebody else you expect me to be true and keep on loving you. Though I am feeling blue you think I can't forget you until someday you want me to want you when I am strong for somebody new

[A]

and though

[C]

you don't want me now I'll get along somehow and then I won't want you someday you want me when I'm in love with somebody else. You expect me to be true and keep on loving you though I am feeling blue you think I can't forget you someday you want me when I am strong for somebody new and though you don't want me now I'll get along somehow and then I won. You.

[A]

Very, very beautiful, Jess. Thank you very much, fellas. Now let's turn our spotlight on couple number two. They are Mr. And Mrs. Frank Sullivan from good old Philadelphia, Pennsylvania. Well, happy Evening to you, Mr. Ms. Sullivan. Tell me, how are things in the city of breath anyway? Fine, thank you. Glad to hear that. We did a better half show down there a while ago at a big company dinner of the sharpest corporation. Had a wonderful time. What are you doing, Philly? Mr. Sullivan? I sell eggs. Good. Chicken. Duck or ostrich? Chicken. Uh huh. Are they fresh? Strictly. Really? Guy sold me some country fresh eggs the other day. I don't know what country they came from. Doorknobs up at the place. Now say, I got an unusual little hen on my farm upstate here. I want to tell you about this. She lays. She's. She's white. See? A Little white legging. But she lays brown eggs. Did you ever hear of that? There's nothing unusual in it. Oh, no. Can you do it? I don't lay eggs. I sell them. Oh, you sell them, I see. Well, we lay them here. Suppose you sell a couple of ours sometime, eh, boy? How long you been married to this omelette, Mr. Sullivan? Five years. Five years. Would you like to scramble them up good tonight and show them who the better half of the family really is? I sure would. You would, huh? Well, let's get back to your husband for a minute. Tell me, egghead, do you like to eat? I beg your pardon? I said you like to eat? I sure do. I'm glad to hear you look like. Like most women, Mr. Sullivan, you probably think more of clothes than things to eat, right? Right. That shows in the way you're dressed too. Very charming. Well, tonight I want you to think only of clothes while your husband here thinks of things to eat. Now, as I call out a number each time, I want you to answer with a food or article of clothing that contains the number of letters that I call the first one to come up with the correct answer each time collects. Remember you're to mention a food each time, Mr. Sullivan. And you an article of clothing, Mr. Sullivan. All right, now here we go. Make the first one five letters. Steak dressed. Steak is correct. And Mr. Sullivan was just a tick ahead of you there. I'm sorry, Mr. Sullivan. Now number two. Make this one three letters. Hat. Hat is very good. What happened to the egg there, Mr. Sullivan? How about that land there with his bare face hanging out. Big fat head won't bring the egg out of it. How about six? Hot dog. Hey, that boy really dug for that one, didn't? That's very good. Put it up there. Now here's an easy one. Four letters. Coat that's very much that late. You go up the arctic circle and you can use that mush sometimes. What do you lay with it here for? All right, now here's number five. Let's make this last one real tough. Eight letters. Eight letters. Baloney. Overcoat. What did you say? Baloney. Only seven letters in baloney. Eight is correct. You said overcoat. That's right. That coat came in handy with you, didn't it, huh?

[C]

It certainly did.

[A]

Well, if we'd had seven, I suppose you'd have said topcoat then, wouldn't you too? Oh, you're sharp, little lady. Leads here by a score of 6 to 4. Got a chance to go further ahead if we can stump you if we can't stump you with a question from the men's world, which one will you take over there, Mr. Sullivan? Bullseye five. Number five. Great outdoors. Number five. The great outdoors. You're fond of outdoor sports and things of that sort, I take it? Yes, I am. I see. Well, I. That's good. Have you ever done any hunting, by the way? Not man hunting, mind you.

[C]

No, I haven't.

[A]

You haven't? Well, let's suppose you were out hunting, not far away from you. You saw an animal hit an antagonist over the head with its tail. What kind of an animal would you say that was? It hits its face with its tail. What? No, it hits its antagonist with its tail. This is not a contortionist. This is an animal. Go right ahead. Never saw any.

[C]

I never saw one like that.

[A]

You haven't?

[C]

No.

[A]

Why you certainly. You've seen hundreds of them. They smack their antagonists right in the face with their big fat tails. When your husband works real hard, he says he's a.

[C]

What?

[A]

A dope. Well, he may have a fight there too. You never know. You never know. But it's a matter of opinion. But I. I'm sorry, Mr. Sullivan. You can settle with her later. I'm referring to an animal. He says he works like a. What? A horse. That is correct. Finally we got around to it. When a horse is annoyed by an insect, it hits it with its tail, doesn't it? Very good. Swap 5 more dollars up on her score over there. Let's turn our attention to the handsome Mr. Sullivan here. Suppose we give you a chance to turn a good answer into a five dollar bill over there. Which one will you take for a five, Mr. Sullivan? Oh, shopping, I guess. Tiny, you take shopping. Well, that sounds like a very nice thing to do. I presume you. You have cooperated to some degree with your wife in that department in the past? I have, yes. That's good. You enjoy it, Mr. Sullivan? Oh, I don't mind it. Uh huh. Well, tell me, would you say that men are better shoppers than women? They're faster, I think. That's right. That's true. They know what they want and they rush right in and get it, don't they? I think that's right. Yes. But there are times, however, when a man could have a little trouble. Have you ever gone into a lingerie shop by yourself? No, I haven't. I. I don't think I have the courage. Well, I don't blame you for that. That takes plenty of courage, believe me. Well now, suppose you were Put into such a spot, though. Mr. Sullivan, your wife wants you to go into a lingerie shop and get you something that will help her to defy the law of gravity. What would you ask for? Parachute. A parachute lingerie shop. No, no, I'm afraid that won't quite do. I don't think they sell them there. But this is something your wife wears every day to help her defy the law of gravity. In other words, it keeps something from falling down. Now, what would that be? You're thinking along the wrong line, Mr. Simon. Thinking along the wrong. Let's not get involved. This is really quite simple, believe me. There's an order of knights in England called the Knights of the. What? The Knights of the Round Table. Girdle, girdle. Girdle. No. You're going from bad to worse. Look. What holds your socks up? My legs. I give up. For heaven's sake, Mrs. Sullivan, tell them what we're talking about. Garters. Garters. Of course, garters defy the law of gravity by. Hold your stockings up. But what holds the garters up? Good night, Mr. Sullivan. Very nice door to you, son. And five more dollars goes to Mr. Sullivan over there, making it an almost complete route. The score, 16 to 4 in favor of the little woman.

[C]

So the wife is the winner.

[A]

The wife is the winner.

[C]

The wife is the winner. Let's give her a sweet hand.

[A]

Now, Ms. Sullivan, you have really earned this beautiful Longines Wittenour family wristwatch. A very lovely thing, almost to match your loveliness. And we will see you and hear from you again in a little while when you two try your skill at winning a handsome video dime television receiver. One of the very finest sets made today, Mr. Sullivan. Here's something for you. Aladdin's Lamp by Evan. Very, very lovely. And thank you both very much for coming up to see you. Here we go with couple number three on the better half, who look like they should be. Mr. And Mrs. Kleinrock of the Bronx. Cannot count. Ms. Kleinrock. It's a pleasure meeting you both. How are you? Hi, Tiny. You look like a very happily married couple. How long you been fighting under the same name, huh? Four years, Tuesday. Four years, Tuesday. What type work do you do, sir? Chain store. Sell chains. Nothing else? No, we sell everything. Sell everything. Oh, I see. You're one of those fellows who plays the cash box Steinway as the customers

[C]

go out, no traffic.

[A]

Oh, I see. You mean you park the cars.

[C]

No, we do the distribution here.

[A]

Oh, the distribution of the merchandise. I see what you mean. Tell me, Mrs. Hamhock, I mean Kleinrock, what do you do while he's directing this gustatorial traffic? Well, right now I'm doing housework. Yes, and you were before that secretary. Uh huh. Same thing happened to my sister. She got a little heavy and took the crease out of her bottom. Do you think you'll have much trouble putting this fellow in his place tonight? Well, I think it should be easy. Oh, did you say something, Mr. Klan? Rob, let us proceed. A bit of knowledge or a lucky guess will do the pick this time. The odds are three to one you would hit them right on the nose. So be ready to swing at them for all you're worth. Here's number one. Which of these is the largest, Mars, Jupiter or the Earth?

[C]

Earth. Jupiter.

[A]

Jupiter is correct. The Earth is a little bit of a pea compared. Here's number two. Which of these is the smallest, an atom, a molecule or an ion? Ion. Ion is correct there. The man's technical knowledge comes in four nets of a past two bucks. Hey, by the way, this decides who gets the better of it between the men and the women here tonight. Up to you, Mr. Kleinrock, to defend the men. Here's number three. We've got a tie here. Now, which of these would you say is the hottest? Borneo, Bolivia or Brooklyn? Brooklyn. Borneo. What?

[C]

Brooklyn.

[A]

Send that woman back to the Bronx. Borneo is correct. Now the husband leads by a score of 4 to 2. Here's number four. The coldest one of these would be what? Algeria, Siberia or Liberia? Siberia. Siberia is correct. The little lady was one tick ahead four to four. This breaks it. Which of these would be the smartest? A chimpanzee. A lady or a donkey? A lady.

[C]

A donkey.

[A]

No, chimpanzee. Chimpanzee is correct. Because as you know, science claims that next to man, a chimpanzee is the smartest creature that makes the ladies come in. Third husband wins in this department by a score of six to four. Now let's see how you make out, Mrs. Clanrock, as we turn our attention over here to this Men's World department. Which one of those subjects would you like to tie up into ribbons for five? Oh, I hope I could do something with number two. Business World. Well, I have no doubt with your past secretarial experience that you shall be able to do a quantity of the right thing in this direction. There are all kinds of businesses, as you know, in operation these days. Some making money, some losing money. There's one business in particular, however, Mrs. Kleinrock, that makes ends meet year after year, regardless of business conditions. What type of business is that, do you know? Makes ends meet, no matter what the conditions are in business. Always makes sense.

[C]

Rubber.

[B]

Rubber.

[A]

We might stretch it a point and six, half there, but I don't think so. Do you know, Mr. Kleinrock? A girdle. A girdle. Sounds like a lot of polar to me. Does anybody know the answer over there yet? I'd like to knock somebody, but I don't know which is the worst. I give up. Which one comes next?

[C]

Hot dog.

[A]

Hot dogs. That's close enough. The bologna business is what we were trying to get out of there. The husband gets the five and leaves. Now you're on the spot for a five, Mr. Kleinrock. Which one of those subjects under the Woman's World. Looks easy to you? Isn't easy, but I'll try Wedded bliss. You'll try Wedded Bliss, and it is not easy. A man of experience speaking over there. Mr. Kleinrock, you have my deepest sympathies. Now you notice, Mr. Klanrock, that we put wedded bliss under the woman's world over there. The same thing in the man's world would be spelled B, L, I, T, Z. Well, as you probably know, there are very few couples in this world. Who don't fight a little bit at one time or another. You read about them every day in the papers. In fact, you'll find family squabbles mentioned way back in the scriptures. Could you tell us who the first couple was that had a quarrel that we know of? I think Adam and Eve. That is correct. The scripture says that they raised Cain, remember? Absolutely right. Walk that man up with another five over there. Let's take a look at the score in the Kleinrock family. The husband wins by a score of 16. 2, 4.

[C]

So the husband is the winner.

[A]

The husband is the winner.

[C]

The husband is the winner. Let's give him our gracious grandma.

[A]

You will be the recipient of an exquisite longines witten our wristwatch. Always dependable, always lovely. A member of that great family of fine watches. And in just a moment, you and our other two family winners. Will try your luck at the right answer. That will net you a brand new videodyne television receiver. Little reminder of this occasion for you, Mrs. Kleinrock. This handsomely designed heaven silver plated table lighter. The Aladdin. Thank you both very, very much. You as well. Ladies and gentlemen, it's time now for our three family winners. To try their skill at winning an additional prize here tonight. A wonderful new video dime television receiver. The very latest in television design operated by only three controls. For simplicity, Videodyne offers excellent reception even in remotest areas. Made with Big Ten, 12 and a half and 16 inch picture tubes in a variety of handsome table and consolet models put to the test, it's television at its best. A product of Videodyne Incorporated, Stamford, Connecticut. Well, tonight Bill Burgess and the Jesters have picked a handful of luscious fruits for you to nibble on. You'll find the various fruits mentioned in the titles of these songs they'll sing and play. Listen to them closely and mark down on those cards in front of you the name of the fruit mentioned in the title of each song. Don't write out the titles, just the fruit mentioned in each one. You need all five correct to win. And be sure you list them in the order that they are sung and played. All right, boys, dish them up. Yes.

[C]

No yababas. We have no yabas today.

[A]

We got us some nice a stinga beans and a horny and a kombuchas

[C]

and a scallions and all kinds of fruit. And say yes. No yababas. We have no yabas today. Everything is da da down in Georgia. What a wonderful climb. What a wonderful time. I bet you'll pick yourself a blank of a wife. Settle down to a blank of a life. Everything is dotted down in Georgia. Sam. Life is just a bowl of lalas. Don't make it serious. Life's too mysterious. You work, you say, you worry so. But you can't take your dough. When you go, go, go. Life is just a bowl of lalas. So live and laugh at it all. Arm in arm we will rove through a sleep. Dada Grove far away in Californ, California. You'll see a happy girly and a happy fellow in the fields of yellow in a dollar grove.

[A]

Thank you, Justice. Well, contestants, there you have them. Now, while we're collecting the cards, here's some mighty good advice for. I wonder how many of you folks at home were able to identify the fruits in tonight's medley. They were as follows. Bananas from yes, we have no yababas. Peaches from everything is peaches down in Georgia. Apples from in the good old shade of the old apple tree. And cherries from just a bowl of lalas. And oranges from an orange grove in California. Well, this has been really exciting here, friends. I have taken a look at the cards of Mr. Clanrock, Mr. Sullivan and Mr. Fleischmann. All three of them have all five correct, which is very unusual. So very fortunately we're going to have an easy way to break the tie now by putting the same question to the three people. The one coming closer to the right answer this time will be the winner. Here's the question. How many words did the boys actually sing in just the first tune of the Meddler? How many words in just the first tune of the meddler? All right, Mr. Klanrock, what do you say?

[C]

40.

[A]

All right, now let's go over to Mr. Fleischman. What do you say? 60. And what do you say, Mrs. Sullivan? I'll say 30. You'll say 30. Let's take a look at the answer. Well, the gentleman won here tonight by a score of 2 to 1 in the better half. But it took the little lady to get that grand television set. The correct answer, 27 words. Hope you enjoyed that wonderful video that I. Television. We'll be back at our usual time, 9:30 next Friday night on WR with another transcribed half hour of family fun. And we'll be looking forward to bringing with you and hope you'll join all the gang here. Till then, this is Tiny Ruffner and all of us wishing all of you the very best of everything and saying bye for now. The better half is a jack byrne production. It.