Better Half 49-09-23

Summary

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Harold’s Old Time Radio: "Better Half" (49-09-23)

Original Air Date: September 23, 1949
Host: Tiny Rupster (Harold’s Old Time Radio)
Episode Theme: A lively radio game show from the Golden Age, pitting married couples against each other with comedic banter and playful questions to determine "the better half"—husband or wife—in each family.

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Episode Overview

This episode transports listeners to a time before television, when families gathered around the radio for group entertainment. "Better Half" invites three married couples up for a series of humorous trivia contests, riddles, and banter with the host, Tiny Rupster, to settle the age-old question: Who is the better half, the husband or wife?

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Key Discussion Points and Contest Segments

Introduction to the "Better Half" Format

• Host Tiny Rupster sets the tone with jokes and energetic introductions, promising lighthearted feuding and quips.
• Three married couples from New York (the Horns, Parsons, and Nicolosis) compete for prizes, including watches and a federal television receiver.

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Couple #1: Mr. & Mrs. Mark Horn

[01:25–08:18]

• Opening Banter:
  Tiny jokes about the Horns’ 16-year marriage (“But it seems like only 60, doesn't it?”—Tiny Rupster, [01:56]).
• First Quiz: Backwards Meats
  The couple tries to identify animal meats pronounced backwards (e.g., “Feeb” = beef).
  • Playful exchanges about marriage, children’s opinions, and Mr. Horn’s job (“I think a wife is very necessary.”—Mr. Horn, [02:11]).
• Women’s World: Salesmen
  Mrs. Horn is asked why married men make better salesmen:
  • “Well, they’re more used to arguing.” ([05:08])
  • “They’re usually much better liars.” ([05:15])
• Men’s World: Beauty Problems
  Mr. Horn humorously deciphers beauty terms like “croquignole” (a curling technique), “rat” (hair padding), and “henna.”
• Result:
  Mr. Horn wins this round, earning “a beautiful and dependable Whitnaw watch” ([08:27]).

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Interlude: Musical Performance

[09:06–11:19]

• The Jesters perform “Maguire’s Musketeers,” adding traditional period flavor and a comedic Irish marching tale.

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Couple #2: Mr. & Mrs. Thomas Parsons

[11:19–17:00]

• Opening Banter:
  Tiny pokes fun at the Parsons’ 27-year marriage and large family (“You must have been just a child bride, Mrs. Parsons.”—Tiny Rupster, [12:02]).
• Quiz: Fill-In-the-Number
  Answering phrases by inserting numbers 1–10 into the sentence (e.g., “I had lunch with a friend of mine yesterday and after we 8, we went to a ball game.”—[13:10]).
• Woman’s World: Men’s Hair
  Mrs. Parsons names men’s hairstyles; jokes about baldness ensue.
  • “Well, bald headed people don’t wear any at all.”—Mrs. Parsons, [15:24]
• Men’s World: Cuisine Riddle
  Mr. Parsons correctly solves, “I derived from a famed British earl…” for "sandwich."
• Result:
  Mr. Parsons wins, earning a Whitnaw watch. Mrs. Parsons receives an Evans table lighter.

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Couple #3: Mr. & Mrs. Anthony Nicolosi

[18:00–23:59]

• Opening Banter:
  Mr. Nicolosi is a probation officer; Mrs. Nicolosi met him “under the grandstands at a football game.”
  • “You made with the books while he made with the crooks.”—Tiny Rupster, [18:36]
• Quiz: “House” Terms
  Identify phrases with ‘house,’ from "full house" (poker) to "doghouse” (where husbands end up).
• Woman’s World: Baseball Scenario
  Mrs. Nicolosi tries to spot errors in a baseball description, but Mr. Nicolosi assists (“Four men, I think, were on base.”—Mr. Nicolosi, [21:44]).
• Men’s World: Housework
  Debate on whether husbands can run a household as well as wives, with comical gender stereotypes.
  • “They just put the dirt under the rug.”—Mrs. Nicolosi, [23:35]
• Result:
  Mrs. Nicolosi prevails, winning a Whitnaw watch. Her husband receives a table lighter.

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Family Winners’ Final Challenge: The Fall Song Medley

[25:27–27:29]

• The winners compete to name as many songs as possible that contain “fall” or “falling” in the title, performed by Bill Burgess and the Jesters.
• Sample songs: “Let’s Fall in Love,” “Falling in Love with Love,” etc.
• None of the contestants achieve all five, so no one wins the grand prize (the TV set).

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On Marriage Humor:
  “He just horns a little bit, huh?” —Tiny Rupster to Mrs. Horn, riffing off her husband’s surname ([03:01])
• Masters of Sarcasm:
  “After 16 years, I don’t think you can tell.”—Mrs. Horn, about her husband’s honesty ([05:25])
• On Women’s Hair:
  “Bald headed people don’t wear any at all.”—Mrs. Parsons ([15:24])
• Housekeeping Real Talk:
  “They just put the dirt under the rug.”—Mrs. Nicolosi ([23:35])
• Contestant Wit:
  “I fall down and go boom.”—Mr. Parsons, jokingly entering a fake song title for the music challenge ([27:19])

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Format, Tone, and Takeaways

• Language & Tone: Breezy, lighthearted, heavy with puns and playful gender stereotypes common to the era.
• Format: Series of quickfire question rounds; alternating between spouses, peppered with quips and showmanship.
• Cultural Context: A vivid slice of postwar America; families are celebrated, prizes are practical and aspirational (watches, lighters, early televisions), and marital camaraderie is played for laughs.

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Timeline of Key Segments

• 01:25 — Host welcomes first couple, Mr. & Mrs. Horn.
• 03:01 — Meat quiz (backwards spelling).
• 05:04 — Mrs. Horn on why married men are better salesmen.
• 06:10 — Mr. Horn on beauty problems.
• 09:06 — Musical performance: “Maguire’s Musketeers.”
• 11:19 — Host welcomes second couple, Mr. & Mrs. Parsons.
• 13:05 — Number quiz with the Parsons.
• 15:14 — Hairstyles discussion.
• 16:23 — Sandwich riddle.
• 18:00 — Host welcomes third couple, the Nicolosis.
• 19:01 — “House” phrase quiz.
• 20:26 — Baseball scenario challenge.
• 22:32 — Housework division discussion.
• 25:27 — Fall Medley music challenge.
• 27:19 — Results and banter before show close.

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Conclusion

This nostalgic episode of "Better Half" entertains with its blend of lively trivia, affectionate marital ribbing, and classic radio showmanship. While the grand prize eludes the contestants, everyone leaves with a memento—and listeners are left with plenty of laughs and a window into a bygone era of family-friendly broadcast fun.

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Transcript

[A]

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[B]

Ladies and gentlemen, meet the Better Half family.

[C]

We know you will agree, so join us now as we find out who the better half will be.

[B]

Well, hello, friends. This is Tiny Rupster and all the lads, ready to dish up some fun and laughs on another transcribed session of the Better Half. Our couples tonight are in a real fighting mood, so let's be off with our first family feud between Mr. And Mrs. Mark Horn of New York City. Come right up my microphone, folks. Happy Evening to you, Mr. And Mrs. Horne. How are you this evening?

[D]

We're fine, thank you.

[B]

I must say that you're looking very chipper. You two look like married life might agree with you. How long you been married?

[D]

16 years.

[B]

But it seems like only 60, doesn't it? Mr. Horne?

[D]

Yes, sir.

[B]

What is that you said? Yes, sir. I applaud you, my boy. Say, what would you say is the most important thing for a happy married life, Mr. Horn? Now think this over.

[D]

I think a wife is very necessary.

[B]

Gives him 2, counting the 1 on his head. You're very clever, you know. What sort of work do you do, sir?

[D]

Time and transportation.

[B]

Plane, train, push car to baby carriage.

[D]

Neither in motor transportation.

[B]

In motor. You're going for the big stuff. Any little klaxons at home, Mrs. Horn?

[E]

Two.

[B]

Two, huh? Who do they think the better half the family is?

[F]

Well, they really don't say.

[B]

They don't? Huh? Why is that?

[D]

Well, I don't Think they want to upset their mother?

[B]

Oh, now, just a minute. Let's. We'll settle this peaceful light here. And when we're through, there'll be no question. But by the way, tell me, Mrs. Horn, when you squeeze this horn over here. Does he beep, honk or just splutter? Oh, I don't know.

[F]

I think he just horns.

[B]

He just horns a little bit, huh? Well, both of you be ready to sail into these questions, folks. The payoff each time is to the one who comes up with the right answer first. I'm going to mention some different kinds of meat. And all you have to do is tell me the animal that's associated with each one. But to make it a little bit more difficult for you, I'm going to pronounce each one of the meats backwards. Are you ready? Ready. Here we go. Ready. Now, from what animal do we get? Feeb, F, E E, B. Steer. That is correct. That is beef. That's absolutely right. Stay right in there pitching. Now, Mrs. Horn, you'll get a toot in here sooner or later. Here's number two. K, R O P. Crop is meat. From what animal? Pig. Pig is correct. And Mrs. Horn got the pig there just ahead of her husband. He must have had the same difficulty. Now, here's number three. This is very difficult. Watch out for it. No cab N O C A B. What animal? Bacon. Pig. A pig. Pig is correct. And Mr. Horn had his hand on the pig the first time. There. Now, here's number four. A little more difficult to a different animal this time. Notum N O T T U M. The meat. Mutton. Mutton is correct. Sheep is correct. And the husband lead by a score of 62. What's the matter, Mrs. Boy?

[E]

I want him to wait a minute.

[B]

Well, hit him up. Shut him up. Do anything. Now, here's the last one. Last. Now, listen to this closely. This is tough. Nazi neb. N O S. Rabbit. Rabbit. Keep your husband out of it. N O S I N E F NazineB.

[E]

Oh, venison, dear.

[B]

Venison, dear. I love the way you said that. And you still. You did well. But your husband ticked you off there by a score of six to four. Now, $5 on the line for you, Mrs. Antlerhead. If you can come up with the right answer to a question this time from the Woman's World. You'll find various subjects listed over there under the Men's World. Which one do you think you know? A honeytune.

[F]

Well, I think I'll pick salesman.

[B]

You think you'll pick Salem Bless. Heard any good story about salesmen lately? Don't tell him. This is the wrong thing. Never allow stories about salesmen here. Would you say that married men make better salesmen than single men, Mrs. Horn?

[F]

Yes, I would.

[B]

You would, eh? Could you give us some good reasons why you say that?

[F]

Well, they're more used to arguing.

[D]

Uh huh.

[B]

Just isn't he doubt about them. What else can you say for them?

[F]

Well, they're usually much better liars.

[B]

Better liars? You have a right to resent that if you wish, Mr. Horn. It's sort of a reflection on you. Does your husband?

[F]

Well, I don't know. After 16 years, I don't think you can tell.

[B]

You can't tell, so you hit him over the head anyway, just to make sure. All right. You say they'll argue better. They'll fabricate a little bit perhaps. Now, what else would you say makes them better salesmen?

[F]

I think they really like to hear themselves talk.

[B]

No kidding.

[F]

I really do.

[B]

You know why that is? It's because you dames never give them a chance to open their mouths at home. That's the answer to that. What you say had a lot of truth in it, Mrs. Horn. So pay the lady, Ed. She knew what she was talking about, Ed. Every minute. Score now 9 to 6 in favor of the little woman. Here's your chance to crab. Jump back ahead there, Mr. Horn. Over there on our little board. Subjects dear to the heart of women. Which one of those you take a fellow feeling for?

[D]

I'll try that number four. Beauty problems.

[B]

You try. Beauty problems. I see. I can understand that. Why, that would be a problem to you. It's quite clear now here. Beauty problems are women's biggest worries, I think you'll agree. Aren't they, Mr. Horton? They sure are always trying something new, aren't they?

[D]

Oh, I. I know that.

[B]

Yeah, I know. I guess you and I have the same kind of wives. Mine came home the other day with a bucket of mud on. She called it Mendelssohn's magic mud, I think it was. You slap it on your face and in 10 minutes you look like a brick stoop. I was sitting on her when she came home. I had to be told. Now here. Here's a. Here's your beauty problem, Mr. Horn. I want you to explain these beauty terms to us, if you will. The first one is croconol. Now what is that? Coconole.

[D]

Isn't that an Indian?

[B]

An Indian? I think you've got your knolls mixed up there. This. That's a Seminole you're thinking of, isn't it? This is. This is a different. This. Think of another one.

[D]

Oh, it must be a dye.

[B]

Must be, because it's got a croak in it. Well, no, but you just think.

[D]

Sound that way.

[B]

Well, it sounds that way all right. Well, it's not a die. Now, what else do they do with their hair? Oh, they curl it. That's the idea. Croconol is a type of curl. Now, how about this one? A rat. What does that refer to? A rat.

[D]

That sounds like a cheap fur coat to me.

[B]

Look very nice in a woman's hair too, I'm sure. Well, it might be, but it's also a beauty term. And it has to do with the hair too. Now, how would it be used?

[D]

Oh, I know that's something.

[B]

They put lumps.

[D]

Bumps on their heads with.

[B]

They put bumps on their heads. Make it a lesson for the Phrenological society.

[C]

I see.

[B]

Well, you've got the idea there, Mr. Boyd. Now, they sort of wrap the hair around it. Now, how about a henna? You know what that is?

[D]

Oh, I. I think I do. That's something they soak their heads in.

[B]

They soak their heads. That's good. It's a wrench, all right. That's good. Pay the man $5. He's a beauty expert. Now, let's take a look at the score here in the Horn family. The husband, 11. The little lady a nine.

[C]

So the husband is the winner.

[B]

The husband is the winner.

[C]

The husband is the winner. Let's give him a crazy.

[B]

My little minute hat goes to you, Mr. Horn. Along with it, this beautiful and dependable Whitnaw watch. A distinguished member of the Longines Whitnaw family of fine watches. And we'll be hearing from you again at the end of the show. And you'll try your skill at winning a wonderful big federal 16 inch television receiver. The last word in television perfection. And as a little momento of this occasion for you, Mrs. Horn, we'd like you to have this lovely Evan silver plated table lighter. Thank you both very much. You were both friends for. Thank you. Now, friends, before we meet our second couple, Bill Worges and the Jesters, we'd like you to meet Maguire's Musketeers. Well, bring them on in, boys. Bring them right on in.

[C]

It was in Maguire's restaurant we formed a company. A bold, courageous Irishman who loved America. Captain Joe McGuire was a man who had no fears. We made him the commander of McGuire's Musketeers we marched, we marched we marched along Broadway the people there at us did stare with our uniforms so gay they gave us hearty greeting and filled the air with cheers they shouted bugabala for Maguire's musketeers There was Clancy with his wooden leg who played the piccolo and skinny Dinny Doogan had a trumpet he could blow while Ony McGee went twiddlededee on his fife for all to hear A band of fine musicians was McGuire's Musketeers we marched, we marched, we marched along Broadway the people there at us just there with our uniforms so gay they gave us hearty greeting and filled the air with cheer they shouted bongabala for Maguire's musketeers There was Kelly and McCarthy Hogan, Duffy and O' Brien Pat Nolan and O' Hara and young handsome John O' Ryan wherever they'd go the ladies would show their smiles and give three cheers and no one else could flirt with them but Maguire's musketeers We marched, we marched, we marched along Broadway the people there at us did stare with our uniforms so gay they gave us hearty freedom and filled the air with cheers it's great to be a member of Maguire's Musketeers.

[B]

It'S great.

[C]

To be a member of Maguire's Musketeer.

[B]

There it is, ladies. And tears now. Marvelous justice. Marvelous. And now let's say, how do you do to couple number two, Mr. And Mrs. Thomas Parsons, all the way from the Bronx. Well, welcome, Mr. Mrs. Parsons, to our little family filibuster. How are things in the Parsons family in this day? Little shorty, fat guy here. This woman's a towering big cat. Well, you look very nice now that you're on your stilts there, Mr. McGuire. See how close I can come to this pair. I'd say you've been married, let's see, 15 years, perhaps.

[E]

Oh, no, 27 years next month.

[G]

No.

[B]

Yes for you, Pop, but no for your lovely wife. You must have been just a child bride, Mrs. Parsons.

[E]

Oh, I wouldn't say that.

[B]

How old were you?

[E]

18.

[B]

Been married 27. You see, 18, 17, 27. Hey, do you know something? You're 10 years older than I am. Is which you believe it?

[E]

Oh, well, I think you're a bigger liar than I am.

[B]

You think I'm a bigger liar than. Well, how do you like that? Do you have a family?

[E]

Surely five.

[B]

Surely five. How old are the other children? Well, good for you. That's a fine family. What do you do for a living? Mr. Parsons, I'm in the post office. You're in the post office business? Well, bless my soul. I'm an old PO Employer myself. Delivered the mail for a week. Rain, sleep, snow, slush, Ruffner. Stayed home and got the bum rice. I'll tell you, after 27 years, this fellow doesn't still think he's the better half of the family, does he? Mrs. Butter.

[E]

He says he is.

[B]

He says he does. The effrontery of this young man here. Well, it's high time he proved it, don't you think so?

[E]

Indeed I.

[B]

He'll have his opportunity right now. By mixing words and numbers together this time you can come up with the right answers to these questions. I'm going to read off some sentences, leaving a word out of each one. All you have to do is substitute a number from 1 to 10 for the missing word. Each time when I say dash, you fill in the number. These are easy, so be ready to jump on them quickly now. Here we go. I had lunch with a friend of mine yesterday, and after we dashed, we went to a ball game from 1 to 10. 8 is correct. Very good. Put 2 up there for the post office department. Here's the second one. We were rooting for the home team to win and they dashed. We were rooting for the home team to win and they dash.

[E]

They won.

[B]

That's correct. Number one. And the little lady has the second win over here. Now here's number three. They were in there battling dash the lead.

[G]

Four.

[B]

That is correct. They were battling four of the lead. Right you are. Now, here's number four. These get harder as we go along. They had dash win to stay in first place. 2. That is correct. They had two win to stay in first place. This man's given his little lady to come up and she deserves here now, with so much at stake, a team off dash cracks under the strand. This is a tough one. With so much at stake, a team off dash cracks under the strain. No, no, go up the other end of the strand.

[E]

10 off.

[B]

10 cracks under the strain. That is correct. And the little lady finally clicks through here with another score on the family. So far, six to four in favor of our bold postal man here. And now, Mrs. Parsons, here's a solo for you and a chance for you to catch up as you tackle one of these subjects over there under the Men's World. Which one would be for an easy five sp.

[E]

Well, I think I'll take men's hair.

[B]

You think you'll take men's hair? I think you did already, honey, dear. That's where it went, huh? Okay. Made a rat out of it, no doubt. You know, it's a funny thing that women. He was a rat already. I know. You know, it's a funny thing. Women have 101 different ways of wearing their hair. Men on the other hand, if they have any hair left at all, wear it in one or two, possibly three ways. You remember that, don't you? You remember that. Can you tell us three different ways that they wear it, Mrs. Parsons? Go right here.

[E]

Well, parted.

[B]

They parted. That's right. On one side or in the middle? That's right.

[E]

Now how else are they coming straight back in pompadour?

[B]

That is correct. Now what else do they do with it?

[E]

Well, bald headed people don't wear any at all.

[B]

They don't wear. Isn't that convenient? They generally have a little around the edges, but they can't do much with that. Now is there any other place that men wear their hair? Any other way that men wear their hair?

[E]

On their chin.

[B]

On their chin.

[C]

A little goatee.

[B]

Bless my soul. That woman is smart. Shut my mouth. It's chalk her up with Finn over there. She's clever. Now let's get back to the husband here. What do you say, baldy? You ready to tackle one of those questions from the men's world over there? Which will you take? Take a woman's world question. That's easier. 2. Food. Well, that's an easy topic for any man. I have no doubt at all that you are a connoisseur in this particular department. You like to putt around in the kitchen preparing foods. Sometimes you're a cheerful liar. Let's see if you can tell me what sort of a concoction is suggested by the following. It's in the form of a what am I? And here are the clues. I'm easy to make and attractive to see. No culinary skill do you need to make me my name. I derived from a famed British earl who introduced me to a food hungry world. His last name I bear. And when you break it in two, you get dirt and goblins as your only clue. The dirt's a bit sandy, the goblin's a witch. Put them both together and you have a what? Sandwich. By the Earl of sandwich. It's 100% correct. And the husband came through. That was a real tough one. Now let's take a look at the score over here. And again by a very narrow margin, 11 to 9 in favor of the husband.

[C]

So the husband is the winner.

[B]

The husband is the winner.

[C]

The husband is the winner. Let's give him a great.

[B]

How fond of the family goes and the better half. You're entitled to this beautiful witnor watch. Both attractive and dependable. We'll be hearing from you again in a little while when you two try your skill at winning. A handsome federal television receiver. One of the finest sets made today. You tried real hard over there, Mrs. Parsons. You did well too. Along with the cashew bun, we'd like you to have this smart Evans automatic cable lighter called the Aladdin. And I'm sure you folks are going to like it. Thank you very, very well. Now it's time to meet our third pair of lovebirds who make their little nest in Ozone Park, Long Island. And here they are, Mr. And Mrs. Anthony Nicolosi. How do you do? And how are you, Mr. And Mrs. Nicolosi?

[G]

Fine, thank you.

[B]

You know something? Your face looks very familiar to me, Mr. Nokolosi. Have we met before?

[G]

Perhaps we have.

[B]

I thought so. What type of work do you do?

[G]

I'm a probation officer.

[B]

Yes. Good evening, isn't it? Well, don't stand there, fellows. Bring the guy a glass of water, a roll of bill, a time bomb, a stretcher, a straight jacket, anything. Where did you ever meet this handsome fellow, Mrs. Nicolosi?

[E]

Oh, I met him under the grandstands at a football game.

[B]

Very romantic. Down on the pop bottles. I'm hopping away. You were on probation at the time, perhaps?

[E]

No, I was teaching.

[B]

You were teaching. You made with the books while he made with the crooks. Well, this should be an interesting contest. Let's see what happens here. There's a lot of talk about houses these days. So suppose we concern ourselves with some different kinds of houses tonight. Now, these are not all of a structural nature, but they do contain the words house. Now, the first one, for instance, is made up of three of a kind and a pair. What kind of a house would that be?

[G]

Oh, that's full house.

[B]

Full house. That's a poker term. A hand I love to hold. That's one for you. $2 for the husband there. Now, here's number two. A brand or trade name for a beverage suggests what famous house. A brand of coffee, good to the last drop. And that was the Woman. The woman by just the Max from the Maxwell House got in ahead that time.

[E]

No, I didn't.

[B]

All right, it's two to two. And here's number three. You'll have to be quick to beat him on this, Mrs. Nicolosi. A hotel for bums is Called what? Kind of a hut.

[E]

Flat pass, Floppy.

[B]

She must have met somebody else under the grandstand. Now, here is number four. The little lady leads. You need this one. What do they call a house that's used as a hospital for locomotives? A hospital for roundhouses. By George, I bet you're the composer of that wonderful song, Run into the Roundhouse, Nelly the brakeman can't corner you there. You wouldn't know that answer. The wife leads. Now, here's number five, and let's get going. This last one is where most husbands wind up.

[G]

Oh, that's the doghouse.

[B]

The doghouse. The man's a pal. He's a friend. Welcome to the club. And now, Mrs. Nicolosi, suppose you cast your lovely jet black eyes on that beautiful chart over there and tell us which one of those masculine subjects you'd like to concern yourself for the next few moments here. Which would you like?

[E]

I think I'll take one baseball.

[B]

You think you'll take one baseball? I'm sorry, has anybody got a baseball? Well, okay, we'll give you something about baseball then. It is really the big topic of conversation with all the men folks these days. You like the game, Mrs. Nicolosi?

[E]

Yes.

[B]

Who do you think will win the pennant?

[E]

Oh, the Yank.

[B]

The Yank? Yes, the bums. The bums. Yeah, of course they are. I hope they both win and meet each other in the pen, that's all. Well, I'm going to paint a little word picture for you of a baseball game. Now, there are five things wrong in this picture. We'll pay you $5 if you can spot just three out of the five. Mr. Nicolosi, listen to it closely and stop me when there's something wrong. Here we go with the bases full and all four men ready to run. The pitcher, a southpaw, puts his glove on his right hand and starts his wind up. The batter with a count of three and three on him, smacks the next one over the catcher's head into center field. The center fielder catches the ball on the first bounce for the second out, retiring the side.

[G]

Is that baseball?

[B]

It's not Mel Allen's version, but that's. That's this version. That's the better half version. Now, there are five things wrong there. What are they, Mrs. Nicolosi?

[E]

Oh.

[B]

Polo, anyone?

[E]

Oh, I don't know much about it.

[B]

You don't know much about. Don't know. You tell her a couple of things. We were on there, Mr. Nicolozzi.

[G]

Four men, I think, were on base.

[F]

Yeah, that can be.

[B]

Now, you Go right ahead. That's one.

[G]

I really wasn't paying much attention. Let's see.

[B]

Yeah, yeah, I'll go on.

[G]

South boy had his glove on the right hand, which is right. That's okay.

[B]

That's right. That's good. The batter hit the batter with a count of three and three on him. Smacks the first pitch over the catcher.

[G]

Three and three. He's out.

[B]

That's right, he's out.

[G]

You're not kidding now.

[B]

He smacks the next one over the catcher's head into center field.

[G]

Quite a big head in this tap.

[B]

That's what goes throughout the second day. Same point, right, Jamar? You have detected the things that are wrong there, and we have to give that five that belong to you, Ms. Nicolosi, by rights to your husband, and give him a chance to go still further ahead here as he tackles the subject from the woman's world. Which one will you take, Mr. Nicolosi?

[G]

I think I'll tackle housework.

[B]

You think you'll tackle housework? That's my huge thing for you to do under the circumstances. You have a little tender looking wife there who probably doesn't want to get her hands all calloused and rough and red. Now, you do lend a hand occasionally at home, Ms. Nicolosi.

[G]

That I do sometimes.

[B]

Tell me this. Do you think that the average husband, if he wanted to, could run a house as well as his wife?

[G]

I think he can.

[E]

I know he can.

[B]

Well, now, judge, you had your chance. Mrs. Nicholson, could you tell us some things that a man might do even better than a woman in the line of houseware?

[G]

Well, for instance, a man would do better in moving piano around the house better than she would.

[B]

You haven't met my wife. Boy, she can throw a piano while at night. Well, I guess that's. What else might a husband do better?

[G]

Well, he could mop the house faster than she can.

[B]

That's right. He could mop up the floors with his wife. That's what you mean, isn't it? Okay, what else can you say about men and housework?

[E]

They could do it faster.

[B]

Why could they do it faster, Mrs. Nicolosi?

[E]

They just don't do it at all. They just put the dirt under the rug.

[B]

Oh, is that so? You got the important nature there, Mrs. Nicolosi. So I'm gonna give his fire right over to you, honey girl. Congratulations to you and the little. We had to have one, is that right? That's correct. Little woman wins by a score of 11 to 9.

[C]

So the wife is the winner the.

[B]

Wife is the winner.

[C]

The wife is the winner. Let's give her a great.

[B]

Here's your beautiful lousy witnar. Watch the exquisite witnar. In just a moment, you and our other two family winners will try your luck at the right answers that will net to a brand new Federal television receiver. Mr. Nicolosi. A reminder of the occasion for you. This handsomely designed Evans silver plated table lighter. Thanks to you both. You as well. Time now for our three family winners to acquire their skill at winning an additional prize here tonight. A wonderful new federal television receiver with giant 16 inch picture tube. Federal television receivers are made in a variety of handsome table and consolette models. Carefully designed and brilliantly engineered to give you years and years of the finest television reception. Big, clear, bright pictures free from glare and eye strain. Plus Federal's famous high fidelity sound. You're looking at the best when you're looking at Federal. Well, with the beautiful season of fall now underway, Bill Burgess and the Jesters have gone to work and arranged a fall medley for you tonight. You'll find the words fall or falling in the titles of each of the songs they sing and play. Listen to them closely and mark down on those cards in front of you the titles of each of the tunes. Be sure you list them in their proper order. You need five correct to win. All right, boys, fall in.

[C]

Let's close our eyes and make our own paradise Little we know of it still we can try to make a go of it La la la la when we fall in love now is the time for it While we are young La la la I'm flying high Falling for nobody else but you hey, Mr. Parson, stand by. Falling for nobody else but you.

[B]

I.

[C]

Fell in love with love One night when the moon was full I was unwise with eyes unable to see I fell in love with love everlasting but love fell out with me.

[B]

Well, there you have them. And now, while you're collecting the cards, here's some mighty good advice for everyone. I wonder how many of you folks at home were able to fall in line with the fall tunes in tonight's medley. They were as follows. Let's fall in love. I'm falling in love with someone I've got a feeling I'm falling I'm riding for a fall and falling in love with love well, let's see how our condescens did. Mr. Horn got four out of five. He only missed the first one. Let's fall in love. Mrs. Nicolosi got three out of five. She missed the fourth and fifth. Mr. Parsons got the first one Falling in love. And then he writes, I fall down and go boom. That's very quip. Well, no federal television set for tonight, but next week plenty more of the same. That's all for tonight, ladies and gentlemen. We'll be on at 9 o', clock, 1/2 hour earlier next week, 9 to 9:30. Remember that this tiny rough turn and all of us wishing all of you a most pleasant weekend. The better half is the Zach Friend production and came to you tonight by transcription.