Blondie 39-08-07 (006) Dagwood The Hunter

Summary

Podcast Summary: "Blondie 39-08-07 (006) Dagwood The Hunter"

Podcast Information:

• Title: Harold's Old Time Radio
• Host/Author: Harold's Old Time Radio
• Episode: Blondie 39-08-07 (006) Dagwood The Hunter
• Release Date: March 20, 2025

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Introduction

In the episode titled "Dagwood The Hunter," listeners are transported back to the Golden Age of Radio, immersing themselves in the classic adventures of Blondie and Dagwood Bumstead. This episode showcases Dagwood's misadventures as he navigates a shopping trip after a luncheon, interacting with quirky store clerks and ultimately finding himself in a comedic predicament involving rare bird eggs and high-powered firearms.

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The Luncheon and Lecture

The episode opens with Blondie and Dagwood enjoying a rare outing to lunch at the Hideaway Tea Room. Post-lunch, they stroll through the shopping district, discussing Blondie's attendance at a lecture by the adventurous Mr. Frothingham Fairforth.

• Blondie: “Why, Dagwood, I think you're a little jealous of Mr. Frothingham Fairforth.” (00:02)

Blondie enthusiastically recounts Mr. Fairforth's thrilling tales of escaping cannibals, shooting lions, and surviving on pemmican during his safaris. Dagwood, skeptical of Mr. Fairforth's exaggerated stories, expresses his doubts but remains captivated by Blondie's admiration.

• Dagwood: “I think he was crazy.” (04:44)

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Shopping at Boomer, Grundy and Gretch

Their walk leads them to Boomer, Grundy and Gretch, a bustling sporting goods store known for its extensive collection of firearms and exotic collectibles. Dagwood, eager to purchase a water pistol for their son, Baby Dumpling, encounters an unhelpful clerk.

• Clerk: “Boomer, Grundy and Gretch are egg collectors too. If they sold me this, then I would have the best collector.” (10:54)

Blondie advises Dagwood to refrain from buying anything “unsuitable,” hinting at the store's eclectic inventory that appeals to both hunters and rare item enthusiasts.

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The Pursuit of the Perfect Egg

Inside the store, Dagwood's interest shifts to a display of rare bird eggs. He becomes particularly fascinated by the egg of the pink-nosed plover, a prized and extinct species. Despite the egg's exorbitant value of $12,500, Dagwood is reluctant to purchase it, attributing his interest to a friend.

• Clerk: “That, sir, is the egg of the pink nosed plover. The only one of its kind outside the British Museum.” (12:21)

The clerk reveals his obsession with bird eggs, confessing his inability to acquire the perfect specimen despite his extensive collection. This poignant moment underscores themes of obsession and the pursuit of perfection.

• Clerk: “The vipers who operate this store won't sell it.” (10:54)

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The Gun Mishap

Dagwood's exploration takes a comedic turn when he handles a high-powered rifle showcased by Mr. Gretch, one of the store's proprietors. Enthralled by the firearm's capabilities, Dagwood imagines confronting a moose, leading to him accidentally firing the gun. This blunder results in the destruction of the store's delicate items, including the priceless egg and a mounted moose head.

• Dagwood: “I'm sitting on the egg too. I can feel it.” (16:40)

• Mr. Gretch: “A $500 window, an $800 Moose, a priceless egg... you'll have to pay for this naughty prank.” (16:44)

The incident highlights Dagwood's well-meaning but clumsy nature, setting the stage for the ensuing conflict with the store's management.

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Conclusion and Aftermath

Following the mishap, Phineas Bretch, a new character introduced as the antagonist, confronts Dagwood about the damages. Phineas demands compensation for the losses caused by Dagwood's reckless behavior.

• Phineas Bretch: “The whole town is aware of it... you'll have to pay for this naughty prank.” (18:34)

Dagwood, unprepared for the confrontation, awkwardly attempts to defuse the situation, highlighting the recurring comedic tension between him and the community.

• Dagwood: “I'm very pleased to meet you.” (19:00)

The episode concludes with unresolved tension, leaving listeners anticipating the resolution of Dagwood's predicament in future installments.

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Notable Quotes with Timestamps

• Dagwood on Lectures:

  • "Well, I like women, all right, but too many of them makes me nervous." (00:35)

• Clerk on Bird Eggs:

  • "The most amazing collection of rare wild bird eggs under one roof in the world." (09:21)

• Mr. Gretch on Firearms:

  • "With that cartridge in the gun and the gun on your hand, you can face anything that walks." (15:30)

• Phineas Bretch on Damages:

  • "That'll have to go on the bill, along with the window, the moose head and the priceless egg of the pink nosed plover." (18:34)

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Final Thoughts

"Dagwood The Hunter" is a quintessential Blondie episode blending humor, domestic life, and the classic slapstick scenarios that define the beloved characters. Through Dagwood's ill-fated shopping trip, listeners experience the charm and comedic timing that have made Blondie enduringly popular. The episode not only entertains but also subtly comments on themes like obsession, responsibility, and the complexities of marital dynamics.

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Note: This summary omits advertisements, intros, outros, and non-content sections, focusing solely on the narrative and character interactions to provide a comprehensive overview for those unfamiliar with the episode.

Transcript

[Dagwood Bumstead]

Blondie.

[Blondie Bumstead]

Blondie, you.

[Narrator]

The quality cigarette every smoker can afford is the cigarette of long burning, costlier tobaccos. Yes, that's Camel. And there are millions of Camel smokers to tell you that no other cigarette gives the same marvelous combination of smoking pleasure at its best and more smoking per cigarette. That extra amount of smoking in Camels is confirmed by recent impartial laboratory tests of 16 of the largest selling brands by burning 25% slower than the average of the 15 other of the largest selling brands tested slower than any of them. Camels give a smoking plus equal to five extra smokes per pack. And it's mighty nice to get extra smoking when it's topped off with the superb aroma and delicate taste of Camels costlier tobaccos. Not to mention how much cooler and milder a Camel smokes. Any way you figure it, Camels are your shrewdest cigarette buy. And now let's have our visit with Blondie and Dagwood. We find them this afternoon in the shopping district. Blondie has been to a lecture this afternoon, and Dag took her to lunch at the Hideaway Tea Room. They're just leaving the place now. And here they come.

[Blondie Bumstead]

My, it's nice to eat out for a change. I had such an appetite. Let's walk along the street before we start home.

[Dagwood Bumstead]

Yeah, I had an appetite, too. I still have.

[Blondie Bumstead]

Oh, I thought it was a lovely luncheon.

[Dagwood Bumstead]

Yeah, every course was salad. Those tea rooms put lettuce in everything.

[Blondie Bumstead]

Now, Dagwood, if you had your way, you'd eat nothing but meat and potatoes. You have to have greens, too.

[Dagwood Bumstead]

I felt like a tame rabbit sitting there nibbling lettuce with all those women looking at me.

[Blondie Bumstead]

That was because you were so handsome, dear.

[Dagwood Bumstead]

Well, I like women, all right, but too many of them makes me nervous.

[Blondie Bumstead]

Why? At the lecture today, the audience was all women, and Mr. Frothingham Fairforth didn't mind a bit. He just half closed his eyes and talked right on about the exciting things he had done.

[Dagwood Bumstead]

Yeah? What had he done?

[Blondie Bumstead]

Oh, he'd escaped from cannibals and shot lions and lived on pemmican for days and days.

[Dagwood Bumstead]

Oh, so that's why you asked for pemmican in that tea room.

[Blondie Bumstead]

Well, I just wanted to taste it.

[Dagwood Bumstead]

I guess it would taste pretty fishy. They live on fish, don't they?

[Blondie Bumstead]

Who needs that fish?

[Dagwood Bumstead]

A pemmican, you know. Remember? Oh, what a bird is a pemmican. His beak can hold more than me.

[Blondie Bumstead]

No, dear. Pemmican is dried meat mixed with raisins and things to make it more nourishing. You take it on safari.

[Dagwood Bumstead]

Oh, take it where?

[Blondie Bumstead]

On safari. That's an African word, too. It means when you go on a long trek in the jungle or somewhere and can't carry much food.

[Dagwood Bumstead]

Pretty nourishing stuff, huh? Well. Oh, remind me to get some next time we go to the delicatessen.

[Blondie Bumstead]

Oh, I don't think they'd have it. It's just for he men like Mr. Frothingham Fairforth. Oh, I guess there wouldn't be much coal for it in our neighborhood.

[Dagwood Bumstead]

Listen, blondie, don't run down our neighborhood. I bet that guy Frothingham just made up all those stories about eating pemmican and shooting lions and cannibals.

[Blondie Bumstead]

Oh, no, Dagwood. He had such lovely, honest eyes. And he was all sunburned. Dagwood, don't you want to hear about the exciting things the man did?

[Dagwood Bumstead]

Go ahead if you want to, but let's walk along with speed.

[Blondie Bumstead]

All right. We'll window shop as we go. Oh, look at those cute hats.

[Dagwood Bumstead]

Oh, come on, dear. You've got a hat now.

[Blondie Bumstead]

Happy times. Hat, shoppie. I must remember that. Oh, Frothing. And Fairforth says the African women don't wear any hats.

[Dagwood Bumstead]

Yeah, I know. They don't wear stockings either. You don't have to go to Africa to find that out.

[Blondie Bumstead]

Why, Dagwood, I think you're a little jealous of Mr. Frothingham Tereforth.

[Dagwood Bumstead]

I am not. But when a fella's wife comes home all excited about some phony like that.

[Blondie Bumstead]

My Dagger Bumpstead, he's not a phony. He's missed death by inches a dozen times.

[Dagwood Bumstead]

Too bad.

[Blondie Bumstead]

Wait till I tell you about the time he saved all their lives. Listen, he was going along with his natives, and all of a sudden they came to a danga.

[Dagwood Bumstead]

A what?

[Blondie Bumstead]

That's where lions hide. In a danga. So he stopped in front of this danga, and you know what he said?

[Dagwood Bumstead]

Sure. He said, donga. Any farther, boys?

[Blondie Bumstead]

That's not a. This bunny. No. He said, wait, boys. I smell something. Like a lion.

[Dagwood Bumstead]

Yeah. Did he admit that in front of all those people?

[Blondie Bumstead]

Don't be vulgar, Dagwood. He just knew there was a lion in that Ganga. So he raised his rifle and fired just once and then walked right into that lion's den. And what do you think?

[Dagwood Bumstead]

I think he was crazy.

[Blondie Bumstead]

Oh. I mean, what do you think he found? A dead lion.

[Dagwood Bumstead]

How long had it been dead?

[Blondie Bumstead]

What? Oh, why, he had just shot it. He said it was the biggest. Biggest lion ever shot in Africa.

[Dagwood Bumstead]

Yeah, some lion. You get it? Some lion.

[Blondie Bumstead]

Ah, you're as bad as Mr. Fuddle, laughing at your own jokes. Oh, look.

[Dagwood Bumstead]

What?

[Blondie Bumstead]

Look in this window. A picture of Frothingham Fairforth, autographed.

[Dagwood Bumstead]

He needs a haircut.

[Blondie Bumstead]

See, there's a copy of his book, the Joy of Danger. Oh, I wonder if all those guns in the window are his, too.

[Dagwood Bumstead]

No, they belong to Boomer, Grundy and Gretch, the people who run this store.

[Blondie Bumstead]

My, I never saw so many guns.

[Dagwood Bumstead]

Sure, this store is a big gun. Sporting goods, anywhere, I guess. Everything from a cap pistol to a cannon. That's their slogan.

[Blondie Bumstead]

How did you know that, Dagwood?

[Dagwood Bumstead]

Oh, I used to trade here.

[Blondie Bumstead]

You did? Why? What did you buy in here, Dagwood?

[Dagwood Bumstead]

A BB shot for my daisy gun.

[Blondie Bumstead]

Why, I never knew you even handled a gun, Dagwood.

[Dagwood Bumstead]

Well, just because I don't go around writing books about it or selling tickets to hear me talk about myself.

[Blondie Bumstead]

Did you ever shoot anything?

[Dagwood Bumstead]

Oh, sure, sure. No lines, of course. Just smaller game.

[Blondie Bumstead]

What kind of game?

[Dagwood Bumstead]

Oh, nothing much. Forget it. Oh, look, there's something. Baby Dumpling would like.

[Blondie Bumstead]

That huge thing. Why, he couldn't carry it.

[Dagwood Bumstead]

Oh, no, not the shotgun. I mean the water pistol right underneath it.

[Blondie Bumstead]

Well, I don't know. He might go squirting it in the house.

[Dagwood Bumstead]

Well, a boy ought to learn to handle a gun early. You don't want him to be a sissy.

[Blondie Bumstead]

How old were you when you did your hunting, Dagwood?

[Dagwood Bumstead]

Oh, about seven, I guess.

[Blondie Bumstead]

My goodness, that was young. Oh, look. See that white hat in the window? That's a cork helmet, like Frothing and Fairforth wore on safari. Oh, it's romantic looking, isn't it?

[Dagwood Bumstead]

It's hard to keep clean, though. Like white shoes.

[Blondie Bumstead]

What did you use to wear hunting, Dagwood?

[Dagwood Bumstead]

Overalls. It was dirty in the barn. Oh, I mean, did you do your.

[Blondie Bumstead]

Hunting in a barn?

[Dagwood Bumstead]

Well, yeah, mostly. That's where the game was the thickest.

[Blondie Bumstead]

Now, what kind of game could anyone shoot in a barn?

[Dagwood Bumstead]

Well. Well, I shot roaches. All right, all right. But it's harder to hit a running roach than a sleeping lion. Don't forget that.

[Blondie Bumstead]

I guess it would be.

[Dagwood Bumstead]

Yes, Sarah. Good, lively roach is a tough target, especially with just an air rifle.

[Blondie Bumstead]

Oh, that's what you hunted with?

[Dagwood Bumstead]

Well, of course, I take a bigger gun.

[Blondie Bumstead]

Now, there's one in the window. Would be a nice size for you.

[Dagwood Bumstead]

That's a.22.

[Blondie Bumstead]

What's 22 mean? Yankee huh?

[Dagwood Bumstead]

Why, that. It's 22 inches long. Would you mind if I went in this door and looked around, Blondie?

[Blondie Bumstead]

Why, no, dear. I'll come with you.

[Dagwood Bumstead]

Well, never mind then.

[Blondie Bumstead]

Why, Dagwood, you wouldn't be ashamed to have me with you, would you?

[Dagwood Bumstead]

Well, no. It's not like we're buying my suits, Blondie. I don't think men take their wives along when they buy things in a man's store. Like Boomer, Grundy and Gretch here.

[Blondie Bumstead]

Oh, well, I'll walk back to that little Happy Time hat shoppie. You go ahead and have fun looking around in the store. But don't buy anything mine.

[Dagwood Bumstead]

No, I'll just price that water pistol. Just price it.

[Blondie Bumstead]

All right, Daniel Boone. Be careful in that revolving door. Don't be long, dear. Bye.

[Dagwood Bumstead]

Sure, I won't.

[Mr. Gretch]

Bye.

[Dagwood Bumstead]

Pardon me, could you tell me where the water pistol department is?

[Narrator]

No.

[Dagwood Bumstead]

Oh. Well, could you tell me who could tell me?

[Clerk]

No. Go away.

[Dagwood Bumstead]

Now, listen, I don't think a clerk ought to talk that way to a customer. Even if I am only pricing water pistols.

[Clerk]

Is it possible, my misguided young sir, that you've mistaken me for a clerk?

[Dagwood Bumstead]

Well. Huh? Well. Well, thanks. I'll just wait till a clerk shows up.

[Clerk]

My poor young friend, you know where you are? This is Boomer, Grundy and Gretsch, where the clerks are trained to hide from customers. You couldn't walk up to a Boomer, Grundy and Gretsch clerk and speak to him just as you spoke to me. It isn't done.

[Dagwood Bumstead]

Well, thanks, but I'll just wait then until one shows up.

[Clerk]

But it isn't as easy as all that. No mercy.

[Dagwood Bumstead]

No. Well, I'll get the hang of it after a while. What do you do if you want to buy something here?

[Clerk]

You pretend to be interested in something else. That way, the clerk who sells you what you do want may glide by. I've known it to happen.

[Dagwood Bumstead]

Is that why you're looking at this case of bird's eggs? They are birds eggs, aren't they?

[Clerk]

The most amazing collection of rare wild bird eggs under one roof in the world. Are you an ordinary, my young friend?

[Dagwood Bumstead]

No, we stick to our old family doctor.

[Clerk]

You don't like eggs?

[Dagwood Bumstead]

I've got nothing against them, I guess.

[Clerk]

Shun them, youngster. Turn away your gaze. Refuse to fondle once you become an egg.

[Dagwood Bumstead]

You look all right. Do eggs bother you much?

[Clerk]

They are my life. As a boy, someone gave me a robin's egg. That was the beginning of the end. I Got a second egg, then a third and so on. Soon I thought of nothing else. I wanted only eggs and more.

[Dagwood Bumstead]

Can't you buy them?

[Clerk]

If you want them, I have both. I have the second finest collection in the world. If I have one more egg, it would be the finest.

[Dagwood Bumstead]

Guys, can't you afford to buy one more egg?

[Clerk]

Afford it? Certainly I can afford it. I. Am I saying anything? Then I'll whisper my main tongue. You. I feel I can trust you.

[Dagwood Bumstead]

Well, thanks, but I.

[Clerk]

Yes, yes. You have an honest face. It reminds me of the whistling fish. Splendid bird. Come closer. I s go, guys.

[Dagwood Bumstead]

The multimillionaire.

[Clerk]

Yes, yes. But what are millions when I can't buy the world's one perfect egg?

[Dagwood Bumstead]

But why can't you buy it with all your money?

[Clerk]

Because the vipers who operate this store won't sell it. Boomer, Grundy and Gretch are egg collectors too. If they sold me this, then I would have the best collector. Look, look, here comes a clerk now. Keep my secret. Let me have a few moments peace gazing at this perfect specimen in the case. Pretend you want to see it, then lure the man away.

[Dagwood Bumstead]

Well, gosh, I'd like to help you.

[Clerk]

But Here he comes.

[Mr. Gretch]

Good afternoon.

[Clerk]

There he goes. Stop him.

[Dagwood Bumstead]

Bride Me?

[Mr. Gretch]

Yes, quite all right. Something you require, sir?

[Dagwood Bumstead]

I'd like to look at some aids, if you don't mind.

[Mr. Gretch]

I'm so sorry, but aids? No, not my line. You see, I'm the firearms department.

[Dagwood Bumstead]

Oh, you sell things for. Well, hunters and explorers and people like that.

[Mr. Gretch]

I display our line, sir. The most complete in the world. Occasionally a sale is made use.

[Dagwood Bumstead]

Well, I'm in the market.

[Mr. Gretch]

We don't stock it regularly, but I could take your order. You want enough for your next expedition?

[Dagwood Bumstead]

Well, I just wanted a sample to begin with.

[Mr. Gretch]

Of course, men like yourself whose lives depend on the quality of the pemmican they carry, can't be too careful. Except this way, sir.

[Clerk]

Don't let me down now. Making sure you.

[Dagwood Bumstead]

The egg.

[Mr. Gretch]

Which one?

[Clerk]

The only one worth looking at. That one.

[Dagwood Bumstead]

Oh, gosh, you mean the big one. Mounted on white satin, like a diamond or something.

[Clerk]

Tire, a diamond can't compare with that egg. Don't you know what that is?

[Dagwood Bumstead]

It's a pretty color.

[Clerk]

That, sir, is the egg of the pink nosed plover. The only one of its kind outside the British Museum. And theirs is much smaller. That is the koh I noor of eggs. I must touch it just once, maybe.

[Blondie Bumstead]

Take it out.

[Mr. Gretch]

Ah, here you are. I thought you were coming with me.

[Dagwood Bumstead]

Well, the fact is, I just got interested in that egg. The one on the white pillow?

[Mr. Gretch]

Yes, yes, an interesting item, they tell me. Let's see. Valued at $12,500. But it's not for sale.

[Dagwood Bumstead]

Oh, I wasn't going to buy it, but my friend here, Mr. Brown. Yes. Huh? Oh, yes. Mr. Brown would like to see it.

[Mr. Gretch]

I really shouldn't take it out of the case, but for a big pemmican buyer like yourself. Mr. Brown.

[Dagwood Bumstead]

No, a Bumpstead. I mean, Dagwood Bumstead.

[Mr. Gretch]

Oh, ho, ho. You celebrities. Always going under assumed names to avoid publicity. But you can't fool me. Mr. Brown. Yes, an honest name, but Bumpstead obviously invented. And hastily invented.

[Dagwood Bumstead]

Hey, now, listen.

[Mr. Gretch]

Oh, it's all right. I'll keep your secret. Mr. Bumpstead, are you going to let.

[Clerk]

Me see the egg?

[Mr. Gretch]

Oh, certainly, certainly, Mr. Brown. Here it is. Now, be careful, won't you? The pink nosed plover is extinct, you know. The egg, very rare. Please don't lift it from its rest. And now, Mr. Bumstead, this way, please.

[Dagwood Bumstead]

Well, if you haven't any Pemmican, there.

[Mr. Gretch]

Are Pemmican department's at work on the matter. But I have something new I want you to see. A sportsman like yourself will be fascinated by it. Oh, I can't wait to show you.

[Dagwood Bumstead]

Well, let me guess what it is. Huh? Is it a water pistol?

[Mr. Gretch]

Oh, dear me, no. Imagine a man like you buying a water pistol. Quite impossible.

[Dagwood Bumstead]

Well, maybe I'm not as much of a hunter as you think.

[Mr. Gretch]

A man who asks for Pemmican? Oh, my dear sir, I wasn't born yesterday. Now, don't be insulted, but do you ever shoot a small game?

[Dagwood Bumstead]

I used to, years ago as a boy.

[Mr. Gretch]

Oh, of course. Anything smaller than a grizzly would be child's play to you now. But we do have a grizzly rifle that I wanted you to see. A cute little thing. Mr. Frothingham Fairforth bought one of these today.

[Dagwood Bumstead]

That phony. What did he ever shoot?

[Mr. Gretch]

Oh, come now. He may not be in your class, of course, but he sometimes brings in a fair bag.

[Phineas Bretch]

That.

[Mr. Gretch]

That moose head on the wall is one of his specimens. He dropped that moose at the age of 10.

[Dagwood Bumstead]

I've seen bigger me than that.

[Mr. Gretch]

Oh, really? Why, I've always been told that that moose has the largest antlers ever brought back to civilization.

[Dagwood Bumstead]

Brought back? Yeah. But when I was 10, I didn't even bother to bring back my game. Just left them where they fell.

[Mr. Gretch]

Oh, dear me.

[Dagwood Bumstead]

Haven't you anything bigger than a grizzly gun?

[Mr. Gretch]

Sir, Boomer, Grundy and Gretch have everything. Now here's a number you might like for rhinoceri. 60. 60. Double barreled and hair triggered. Seconds count when a rhinoceros charges.

[Dagwood Bumstead]

Oh, gosh, it's heavy, isn't it?

[Mr. Gretch]

I was afraid you'd say that. But we found that we can't risk a lighter gun when the ammunition is so powerful. Why, look at this cartridge, guys.

[Dagwood Bumstead]

That's a dandy, all right.

[Mr. Gretch]

With that cartridge in the gun and the gun on your hand, you can face anything that walks. You're ready for a life or death combat with nature in the raw.

[Dagwood Bumstead]

Well, I like my nature. Just medium rare.

[Mr. Gretch]

I can see that. This is the gun for you. Slip the cartridge into the loading chamber. See? Simple, eh? Never jams and never fails. The chamber takes eight cartridges. Put in another.

[Dagwood Bumstead]

Oh, boy, what this would do to that moose.

[Mr. Gretch]

I knew you'd like the feel of that gun. Just try its balance.

[Dagwood Bumstead]

Pretty smooth. All right.

[Mr. Gretch]

Let me adjust the sights. There.

[Dagwood Bumstead]

Thank you.

[Phineas Bretch]

Now.

[Mr. Gretch]

Now imagine that that moose were alive and charming. You raised the gun.

[Dagwood Bumstead]

Yeah, yeah.

[Mr. Gretch]

Cool. You take aim.

[Dagwood Bumstead]

I got a bead on him now. Goodbye, moose. Just a little push on this trigger and adieu.

[Clerk]

Oh, the moose.

[Mr. Gretch]

It's gone. The pink glass window. Blown to bits. And you, Bump said.

[Dagwood Bumstead]

Where are you? Down here, where the eggs used to be.

[Mr. Gretch]

Eggs? Good heavens, man, get out of those eggs.

[Dagwood Bumstead]

That gun knocked me over.

[Mr. Gretch]

Where's the plover's egg? The pink nosed plover's egg. You're sitting on its white satin pillow.

[Dagwood Bumstead]

I'm afraid I'm sitting on the egg too. I can feel it.

[Mr. Gretch]

A $500 window, an $800 Moose, a priceless egg. All ruined by your reckless hooting. You'll have to pay, Mr. Bumpstead. You'll pay for this naughty prank.

[Narrator]

Whatever price you pay for your cigarettes. It's important to remember this fact. Impartial laboratory tests show that by burning 25% slower than the 15 other of the largest selling brands tested slower than the average of any of them, Camels give a smoking plus equal to five extra smokes per pack. Smokers who live in communities where certain state cigarette taxes are in effect can save the cost of the tax and in some instances more through smoking Camels. If you live in a community where there are no added taxes on cigarettes, the savings are all yours. Plus the extra pleasure you get in every puff of Camels. Finer, more expensive tobaccos. Penny for penny. Camels are your shrewdest cigarette. Buy the quality cigarette. Every smoker can afford. Now, let's hurry back to the establishment of Boomer, Grundy and Gretch, where we left Dagwood surrounded by the wreckage of his unlucky experiment with high explosives. Outside the shattered window, a gathering crowd is held back back by police. Inside, Dagwood rises from the ruins of the rare bird eggs to face Mr. Gretch. In fact, Mr. Gretch himself has arrived and has the situation well in hand.

[Mr. Gretch]

Stop.

[Clerk]

Stop.

[Phineas Bretch]

Now then. Now then. Get up, young man. Get up, I say.

[Dagwood Bumstead]

Yes, it was like this. I was just sort of rolling the gun and it went off.

[Phineas Bretch]

I'm aware of that. The whole town is aware of it. For the first time in its history, the premises of Booma, Grundy and Gretch have been made the scene of distrustful notoriety. That'll have to go on the bill, along with the window, the moose head and the priceless egg of the pink nosed plover.

[Dagwood Bumstead]

Well, but that man shouldn't have handed me the gun. Where'd he go?

[Phineas Bretch]

The unfortunate Mr. Bunworthy has retired with shattered nerves. But I am here. I am Phineas Bretch.

[Dagwood Bumstead]

I'm very pleased to meet you.

[Phineas Bretch]

I'm sorry to say that I. I can't say that much for you. Oh, I'm not at all pleased. The only thing about you that can give me the slightest pleasure would be a glimpse of your check.

[Dagwood Bumstead]

Oh, well, I'm sorry, but my wife carries a checkbook.

[Phineas Bretch]

Send for your wife.

[Dagwood Bumstead]

She's probably out in that crowd.