Blondie 40-04-01 (040) April Fools Day

Summary

Podcast Summary: Blondie 40-04-01 (040) - April Fools Day

Podcast Information:

• Title: Harold's Old Time Radio
• Host/Author: Harold's Old Time Radio
• Episode: Blondie 40-04-01 (040) April Fools Day
• Release Date: May 17, 2025

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Introduction

In this delightful episode of "Blondie 40-04-01 (040) April Fools Day," listeners are transported back to the charming Golden Age of Radio. The story revolves around the beloved Bumstead family—Blondie, Dagwood, and their precocious child, Baby Dumplin. Set on Dagwood's birthday, which coincides with April Fools' Day, the episode masterfully blends humor, family dynamics, and heartwarming moments.

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Dagwood's April Fools' Birthday Celebration

The episode opens with the Bumstead household preparing for Dagwood's birthday. Baby Dumplin, with her innocent curiosity, initiates the day with a playful trick that sets the tone for an eventful celebration.

• Baby Dumplin: "[00:25] Mommy, listen... I was just wondering if we could spare just a couple of those cookies for a hungry boy, Mommy."
• Blondie: "[00:44] Why of course we can, dear."

Unbeknownst to Blondie, Baby Dumplin reveals her little prank:

• Baby Dumplin: "[03:19] Well, Mommy, I'm him... April Fool, Mama."

This playful deception seamlessly intertwines Dagwood's birthday with the spirit of April Fools' Day, promising a day filled with lighthearted jokes.

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The Prank Watch Incident

The festive atmosphere takes a humorous turn when Mr. Dithers, Dagwood's overly demanding boss, arrives unexpectedly to celebrate Dagwood's birthday. Mr. Dithers brings a gift that he claims is a "trick watch," intending to play a prank on Dagwood.

• Mr. Dithers: "[03:10] The watch is April fool, too."

However, the prank goes awry when the watch appears to malfunction, leading to tension and confusion.

• Dagwood Bumstead: "[14:19] Mr. Dithers: Listen, I'll explain the whole thing. It was just a gag."

The situation escalates when Jordan the Jeweler, representing the watch's manufacturer, confronts Mr. Dithers about the broken watch, demanding compensation.

• Jordan the Jeweler: "[15:00] The joke didn't work."

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Mediation and Conflict Resolution

Amidst the chaos, Blondie steps in as the voice of reason, striving to mediate between Mr. Dithers and Jordan the Jeweler. Her calm demeanor and sharp wit help navigate the escalating dispute.

• Blondie: "[19:11] But I'm willing to help you out, Mr. Dithers. I've got a proposition to make."

Through a series of negotiations, Blondie highlights the financial implications of the prank, emphasizing fairness and practicality.

• Blondie: "[21:11] Well, I'll give you facts. But first, why do you value the trick watch so highly?"

Her analytical approach leads to a breakthrough, with Mr. Dithers agreeing to settle the matter amicably by compensating Jordan.

• Blondie: "[25:26] Mr. Dithers: Hey, wait. She's right again. Give me that pie. I'll get him. Come back, George."

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Baby Dumplin's Heroic Intervention

Just when it seems the situation cannot get any more tangled, Baby Dumplin reveals her own cleverness. Anticipating the prank, she secretly purchases a genuine watch to gift Dagwood, ensuring that no real harm comes from Mr. Dithers' joke.

• Baby Dumplin: "[26:27] I was trying to tell everybody down here. It's just that I brought Daddy a watch too."

Her thoughtful gesture not only salvages Dagwood's birthday but also turns the tables on Mr. Dithers and Jordan, leading to a harmonious resolution.

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Heartwarming Conclusion

The episode culminates in a joyous celebration of Dagwood's birthday, filled with songs and expressions of love from the Bumstead family.

• Dagwood Bumstead: "[28:18] All I can say is I hope everybody that ever has a birthday has as good a one as I have."

The mishaps of the day are neatly resolved, reinforcing the themes of family unity, forgiveness, and the true spirit of making someone's day special despite the unexpected hurdles.

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Notable Quotes with Timestamps

• Baby Dumplin's First Prank:

  • "[03:19] Baby Dumplin: Well, Mommy, I'm him... April Fool, Mama."

• Mr. Dithers Introducing the Trick Watch:

  • "[05:53] Mr. Dithers: Certainly not. It's just for a laugh."

• Blondie Mediating the Conflict:

  • "[19:11] Blondie: But I'm willing to help you out, Mr. Dithers. I've got a proposition to make."

• Baby Dumplin's Revelation:

  • "[26:27] Baby Dumplin: I was trying to tell everybody down here. It's just that I brought Daddy a watch too."

• Dagwood's Birthday Wish:

  • "[28:18] Dagwood Bumstead: All I can say is I hope everybody that ever has a birthday has as good a one as I have."

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Conclusion

"Blondie 40-04-01 (040) April Fools Day" is a quintessential episode that encapsulates the charm and humor of the original radio show. Through a series of playful pranks, misunderstandings, and heartfelt resolutions, the Bumstead family exemplifies resilience and love. Listeners are treated to a narrative that not only entertains but also imparts valuable lessons on forgiveness, creativity, and the importance of family bonds.

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Key Takeaways:

• The episode skillfully blends humor with heartwarming family moments.
• Blondie's role as a mediator highlights her wisdom and strength.
• Baby Dumplin's ingenuity ensures a positive outcome, reinforcing the value of thoughtful gestures.
• The story underscores the true spirit of celebrating loved ones, even amidst unexpected challenges.

For fans of classic radio shows and heartwarming family tales, this episode of "Blondie" is a must-listen, offering both nostalgia and timeless lessons.

Transcript

[Nicole Byer]

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[Blondie]

Wayfair. Every style, every home.

[Unknown Advertiser]

Ah, ah, ah, ah. Don't touch that dial. Light up a Camel cigarette. C A M E L and listen to Blondie. Before we drop over to the Bumstead house to visit Chick Young's famous characters, Blondie and Dagwood. A word from the makers of Camel cigarettes. I think every one of you listeners who smoke will agree that when it comes to cigarettes, these three factors make for more smoking pleasure. They are mildness, coolness and flavor. Now let's take a look at the facts and see how Camel cigarettes rate in these three important factors. First, mildness. Well, common sense tells you that a fast, hot burning cigarette will not smoke comfortably. But Camels are slow burning, mild and mellow. Camels give you extra mildness. Second, coolness. You don't need to be an expert to appreciate that the slower a cigarette burns, the cooler the smoking. Camels give you extra coolness. Third, flavor. Fast burning creates heat, destroys the subtle elements of flavor and aroma. Slow burning preserves flavor and lets it come through. Camels give you extra flavor. Yes. Slow burning Camels give smokers extra mildness, Extra. Extra coolness and extra flavor and extra smoking too. More actual smoking per cigarette per pack. In recent impartial laboratory tests, Camels burn slowest of all. 25% slower than the average of the 15 other of the largest selling brands tested. That means Camels give a smoking plus equal on the average to five extra smokes per pack. And now it's time for our weekly visit with the Bumpsteads. We find Blondie in her spotless kitchen just placing a huge dish of fresh baked cookies on the table. And here comes baby dumplings.

[Baby Dumplin]

Mommy, listen.

[Blondie]

Yes, baby dumpling?

[Baby Dumplin]

Well, I was just wondering. There was a poor little boy at our front door just now.

[Blondie]

A poor boy? Uh huh.

[Baby Dumplin]

He was awful hungry, Mommy. I was just wondering if we could spare just a couple of those cookies for a hungry boy, Mommy.

[Blondie]

Why of course we can, dear. You bring him around to the back door and I'll fill his little hands with cookies.

[Baby Dumplin]

Okay, mama. Happy? Awful happy.

[Blondie]

Now let's See, I'll give him one of these. No. And a couple of these frosted ones for little fella. And I just would spare three of these sugar cookies. Yes, yes, I'm coming.

[Baby Dumplin]

Hello, Mommy.

[Blondie]

Well, here are some cookies for you. Why, Baby Goblin, you're all alone. Where's the little boy who was so hungry?

[Baby Dumplin]

Well, Mommy, I'm him.

[Blondie]

Baby Dumplin Bumpstead. The idea of playing such a trick on me.

[Baby Dumplin]

April Fool, Mama.

[Blondie]

Oh, April fool, eh?

[Baby Dumplin]

April fool. Can I have those cookies now, April Fool?

[Blondie]

No, you can't. Aw, well, not till after dinner. These cookies are for your father because today is his birthday.

[Baby Dumplin]

But Daddy born twice, mamma.

[Blondie]

Why no, dear. What an idea.

[Baby Dumplin]

Well, how does it get to have two birthdays then?

[Blondie]

Well, you see, Baby Dumplin, Daddy was really born in leap year.

[Baby Dumplin]

Uh huh. It's leap year.

[Blondie]

Oh, that's a year that comes every four years. In leap year, the month of February has 29 days instead of 28. Well, your father was born on the 29th.

[Baby Dumplin]

That was tough.

[Blondie]

Of course, his family wanted him to have a birthday oftener than every four years. So they let him pick his own birthday and he picked April 1st.

[Baby Dumplin]

Why do they pick April Fool's Day, Mommy?

[Blondie]

Well, I think it was so he'd remember that it was April Fool's Day and not get caught so often. But it didn't do any good. He always gets caught.

[Baby Dumplin]

I'll go to the door, Mommy.

[Dagwood Bumstead]

Hey, anybody home?

[Blondie]

Why, it's Mr. Dithers. We're out in the kitchen. We're coming. Now be polite, baby. After all, he's Daddy's boss.

[Baby Dumplin]

Okay, Mommy.

[Mr. Dithers]

Hello, baby dumpling.

[Baby Dumplin]

Hi, Mr. Dithers. Say, what's that on your neck?

[Mr. Dithers]

Huh? Where? I don't feel anything on my neck.

[Baby Dumplin]

April Fool. Get your own head.

[Blondie]

Baby.

[Mr. Dithers]

That's a good one.

[Blondie]

Well, Mr. Dithers, this is a nice surprise.

[Mr. Dithers]

Surprise? Didn't Dagwood tell you I was coming for dinner?

[Blondie]

Why, no. This isn't another joke, is it?

[Mr. Dithers]

It better not be. Dinner's no joking matter.

[Blondie]

Oh, well, all I meant was Dagwood didn't tell me. And dinner isn't petty.

[Mr. Dithers]

I know. I came early. Wanted to let you in on something. Little surprise for Dagwood.

[Blondie]

Did he tell you it was his birthday?

[Mr. Dithers]

Oh, sure. That's the point. So I arranged this surprise. Now, if I tell you what it is, will you agree not to tell him?

[Blondie]

Of course. I won't spoil the surprise.

[Mr. Dithers]

Okay. It's a watch.

[Blondie]

A watch? Oh, Mr. Dithers, how nice. But you shouldn't have done that. This isn't his real birthday, you know. Just an April fool birthday.

[Jordan the Jeweler]

Oh, don't worry.

[Mr. Dithers]

The watch is April fool, too.

[Blondie]

Oh, isn't it a good watch?

[Mr. Dithers]

Certainly not. It's just for a laugh. Now, listen, I make a speech, see? Like this. In recognition of your unbroken record for being late at the office, I want to present you with this little token. When you open the box, watch out, because time flies.

[Baby Dumplin]

That's funny about that, Mama.

[Blondie]

Oh, dear.

[Mr. Dithers]

Then comes the big laugh. Oh, it's a trick watch. See, when he goes to lift it out of the box, it blows up.

[Blondie]

Blows up?

[Mr. Dithers]

Sure. Flies into a million pieces. It's a stream fella. Pulled it at the civic Club the other day. I'm using the same watch.

[Blondie]

Oh, can it be put together again?

[Mr. Dithers]

Oh, sure. Jordan the jeweler can fix it for the next ball guy. He rents the watch. I'm on my way to his store now to get it. Now, remember, you gave me your promise not to tell Dagwood.

[Blondie]

Well, all right, Mr. Dithers. Only Dagwood. Doesn't understand jokes like that very well.

[Mr. Dithers]

Oh, poppycock. He's got to learn to take a ribbing once in a while. I don't start dinner till I get back. I laugh better on a full stomach.

[Blondie]

Oh, dear. What's the matter, Mommy? Well, I'm a little worried about Mr. Dither's joke. Daddy's been kind of hoping he'd get a present from them. Not so much for the present, baby dumplin, as to kind of show that they were friends. He'll be so happy when he gets the watch. And then when he finds out it's a joke, I'm afraid it'll be an awful letdown.

[Baby Dumplin]

Can we do something about it, Mommy?

[Blondie]

I don't know. We can't seem like poor sports. But I. I don't like it.

[Baby Dumplin]

But if I thought among myself for a long time, I could do something about it. Can I go out again for a while, Mommy?

[Blondie]

Well, yes, dear, but don't be late for dinner. Oh, here's Daddy now.

[Dagwood Bumstead]

Hi, Blondie. Hiya, baby dumpling.

[Blondie]

Oh, hello, dear. Happy birthday again.

[Dagwood Bumstead]

Yeah, thanks.

[Baby Dumplin]

Hello, Daddy. Happy April Fool. Goodbye.

[Dagwood Bumstead]

Well, that wasn't soon over. What was his hurry?

[Blondie]

Oh, he's going outside to think.

[Dagwood Bumstead]

Think about what?

[Blondie]

All April fool jokes, I guess. Look, Dagwood, you. You don't mind much if people play jokes on you today, do you? Even if it is sort of your first day?

[Dagwood Bumstead]

Me? No.

[Blondie]

I mean, no matter who played the joke on you, you Wouldn't feel really badly, would you?

[Dagwood Bumstead]

No, no, honey, I can take a joke. Why, I like jokes. Oh, there's a phone.

[Blondie]

Maybe I'd better take it.

[Dagwood Bumstead]

No, no. It might be somebody wishing me happy birthday.

[Mr. Bell]

Hello, this is Mr. Bell of the telephone company. We're testing your life.

[Blondie]

Is it a joke, Aglet?

[Dagwood Bumstead]

Oh, no, this may be important. Maybe they. They call old subscribers on their birthdays now and waste them.

[Mr. Bell]

Are you there, Mr. Bumstead?

[Dagwood Bumstead]

Yes, Mr. Tell. I mean, Mr. Bell.

[Mr. Bell]

Will you stand back from your phone about five feet, please?

[Blondie]

Huh?

[Dagwood Bumstead]

Oh, oh, sure. Sure I am.

[Mr. Bell]

Thank you. Now whistle.

[Dagwood Bumstead]

Oh, yeah, glad to. Of course.

[Blondie]

Ready?

[Mr. Bell]

Yeah, go ahead. Louder, please. Louder. My, you'd make a lovely canary. April fool.

[Blondie]

Well, Dagwood.

[Dagwood Bumstead]

Yeah, I knew it was a joke. Odd. I didn't want to spoil his fun. I'm glad everybody else has such a good time on my birthday.

[Blondie]

Well, now, don't you care? Dagwood, I have a nice dinner for you.

[Dagwood Bumstead]

Dinner? Well, what are we waiting for?

[Blondie]

We can't start dinner without Mr. Dithers.

[Dagwood Bumstead]

Mr. Dithers? Oh, that's right. Hey, how did you find out he was coming?

[Blondie]

Why, I'll get it.

[Dagwood Bumstead]

Oh, no, no. Probably for me. You know, it's my birthday and.

[Blondie]

Hello?

[Mr. Bell]

Good evening, Mr. Bumstead. I'm CR Meter Service Department, Municipal Light and Power Company. Would you mind stepping to a window and ascertaining if the street lamp in front of your residence is lighted?

[Dagwood Bumstead]

Oh, I know, sir. Not at all. Just a minute.

[Blondie]

What is it, Dagwood?

[Dagwood Bumstead]

Oh, it's Light and Power Company. They're worried about a street light out here and. No, it's okay. Hello?

[Mr. Bell]

Yes? Is the street light burning?

[Dagwood Bumstead]

Yeah, sure it's burning. Okay.

[Mr. Bell]

Well, don't forget to blow it out before you go to bed.

[Blondie]

April fool. Now, what did they get you again, Dagworth?

[Dagwood Bumstead]

Oh, no, no. What were we talking about when the phone rang? Oh, at dinner.

[Blondie]

Why did you invite Mr. Dithers for dinner tonight, Dagwood?

[Dagwood Bumstead]

It was a matter of punctuation.

[Blondie]

Punctuation?

[Dagwood Bumstead]

Uh huh. See, I just started to say, you must come out to the house for dinner, comma, some night soon.

[Blondie]

Well?

[Dagwood Bumstead]

Well, he put a period after dinner and before I could finish, he said he'd be out tonight. No, I'll take that this time. I'll show them who's an April fool. Hello? Listen, fun is fun, but I've had enough nonsense from you. Oh, it's Mr. Dickens.

[Blondie]

Oh, maybe he can't come, huh?

[Dagwood Bumstead]

Maybe you can't come, huh? Oh, no, Nonsense, folkstead.

[Mr. Bell]

I'll be there.

[Dagwood Bumstead]

Let me talk to Blondie. Yeah, here. He's coming, Blondie. He wants to talk to you and.

[Blondie]

Hello, Mr. Dithers.

[Mr. Bell]

Listen, Blondie, I'll be a little late. Jordan the jeweler had closed the shop.

[Blondie]

Oh, well, I'm glad in the way you won't have the time.

[Mr. Bell]

Then I'll have the watch. Don't worry. I made him send a clerk down to open up and let me get it. They can't stop JC Dinners that easy.

[Baby Dumplin]

Oh, well, all right.

[Blondie]

We'll wait. Goodbye.

[Dagwood Bumstead]

What? Won't he have time for Blondie? Huh?

[Blondie]

Never mind, Dagwood. I. I promise not to tell.

[Dagwood Bumstead]

Oh, a surprise, huh? I told Mr. Dithers it was my birthday. Golly, I bet he's got something for me.

[Blondie]

Oh, Dagwood, don't. Don't expect too much, will you?

[Dagwood Bumstead]

Oh, no, no, honey. It isn't a gift. It's a thought that counts. Well, I don't mind holding dinner while for good old Mr. Dithers, I'll just fix a little snack to keep my strength while I'm waiting.

[Blondie]

Oh, dear. I hope he won't be too disappointed.

[Mr. Dithers]

Fine dinner, Blondie. Puts me in good humor.

[Dagwood Bumstead]

Yeah, me too.

[Baby Dumplin]

Now he has a. You know what, huh? Mama?

[Blondie]

Yes? There's something I want to get in the kitchen. Will you all excuse.

[Mr. Dithers]

Oh.

[Dagwood Bumstead]

Oh, here.

[Mr. Dithers]

Before we cut the cake, Baby Dumpling, you run out to the hall closet and look in my overcoat pockets. Bring me the little leather box in the right hand pocket.

[Baby Dumplin]

Okay. Don't eat the cake till I get there.

[Dagwood Bumstead]

Little leather box, huh? Oh, excuse me, Mr. D. I'll just put out the electric lights.

[Mr. Dithers]

Put them out? Why?

[Dagwood Bumstead]

Well, the candles on the cake will look better by themselves. We can see enough to. We can see all right by the candles.

[Blondie]

Here comes the key. Happy birthday, Dagwood.

[Dagwood Bumstead]

Oh, boy, look at that, Mr. Dithers.

[Mr. Dithers]

Yeah, what's keeping Baby Dumpling here?

[Baby Dumplin]

Don't flop the leather box. Blow out the candles and make a wish. Adam.

[Mr. Dithers]

Now, wait a minute. Before you blow out the candles, I've got a word to say.

[Dagwood Bumstead]

Quiet, all. Mr. Dinners has a leather. I mean a word to say.

[Mr. Dithers]

Go ahead, J.C. well, Dagwood, in recognition of your unbroken record for being late at the office, I want to present you with this little token.

[Dagwood Bumstead]

Well, thanks. I can say is thanks, Mr. Dithers.

[Mr. Dithers]

When you open the box, watch out because time flies.

[Dagwood Bumstead]

Sure, I'll open it right now. Oh, boy. Look, Blondia, watch.

[Mr. Dithers]

Pick it up.

[Dagwood Bumstead]

I look it over now, I know what you didn't have time for. To get it engraved. Oh, but that's okay. Boy, it's a beauty.

[Mr. Dithers]

Take it out of the box.

[Baby Dumplin]

Wait, Dag.

[Blondie]

Whatever.

[Dagwood Bumstead]

Pick it up. Oh, sure. There you are. Certainly just well watched.

[Blondie]

Why, Mr. Dithers, it didn't. It doesn't bother you.

[Mr. Dithers]

I see it doesn't. Something wrong with it?

[Dagwood Bumstead]

No, no, nothing's wrong. It's okay.

[Mr. Dithers]

Let me see that watch. Give it here.

[Dagwood Bumstead]

Sure. Okay. Careful now. I wouldn't want anything to happen so soon.

[Mr. Dithers]

Well, I would.

[Dagwood Bumstead]

Hey, look out. Don't knock it.

[Blondie]

Cut that out. Oh, baby.

[Dagwood Bumstead]

Shh.

[Blondie]

Somebody's going to bust it.

[Mr. Dithers]

Hey, that's mighty funny. It ought to come apart.

[Dagwood Bumstead]

Don't.

[Blondie]

No.

[Baby Dumplin]

Look out.

[Mr. Dithers]

Won't work, eh? I'll make it work. There.

[Dagwood Bumstead]

Oh, smash the bitch.

[Blondie]

He certainly has glass all over the fine thing.

[Dagwood Bumstead]

Give a man a watch in him.

[Mr. Dithers]

Listen, I'll explain the whole thing. It was just a gag.

[Jordan the Jeweler]

Excuse me, Mr. Ditters.

[Dagwood Bumstead]

Hey, who's this?

[Blondie]

Why, it's Jordan the jeweler.

[Jordan the Jeweler]

Excuse me for walking right in, but I was excited. You're excited?

[Mr. Dithers]

Listen, Jordan, you've ruined my whole evening.

[Jordan the Jeweler]

Am I too late for the joke?

[Mr. Dithers]

The joke didn't work.

[Dagwood Bumstead]

What joke?

[Blondie]

Oh, Dagwood, I wanted to tell you.

[Jordan the Jeweler]

Let me explain. My clerk made a mistake. He didn't give you the watch that comes apart, huh? No. Here is the trick watch.

[Blondie]

Then what was the watch, Mr. Dithers? Broke. Broke?

[Mr. Dithers]

Where is it?

[Dagwood Bumstead]

Down here on the floor. Smash.

[Jordan the Jeweler]

Smashed. Mr. Dillers, do you know what you've done?

[Mr. Dithers]

Broken the wrong watch.

[Jordan the Jeweler]

Yes, Mr. Dillers, you've destroyed the best watch in my store. And it's going to cost you $150, Mr. Dillers.

[Blondie]

Oh. Oh.

[Unknown Advertiser]

Ladies and gentlemen, I have a burning question to put before you tonight. As a matter of fact, it's the burning question on cigarettes. Does your cigarette burn fast or is your cigarette slow burning? Smokers, believe me, it makes a difference the way your cigarette burns. And here's a sound scientific explanation of that difference. Fast burning in a cigarette creates heat and nothing interferes with mildness, coolness and flavor like the excess heat of too fast burning. Slow burning, on the other hand, preserves flavor, lets it come through in the smoking. And of course, the slower a cigarette burns, the cooler and milder the smoking. That, friends, is why smokers turn to Camel cigarettes. Camels are slower burning. In recent laboratory tests, camels burned 25% slower than the average of the 15 other of the largest selling brands tested. Slower than any of them. That means Camels give a smoking plus equal on the average to five extra smokes per pack. Smokers who live in communities where certain state cigarette taxes are in effect can save the cost of the tax and in some instances more through smoking. Camels, if you live in a community where there are no added taxes on cigarettes, the savings are all yours. Camels are made from costlier tobacco and give you extra mildness, extra coolness, extra flavor and as I said before, extra smoking equal on the average to five extra smokes per pack. Penny for penny, Camels are your best cigarette buy. And now we return to the Bumsteads ringside where Dithers and Jordan the jeweler are trying to out shout each other.

[Mr. Dithers]

$150.

[Jordan the Jeweler]

Pa. Pa to you, Mr. Dithers. Now listen.

[Mr. Dithers]

Listen to what? You've had the floor. Now let me have a word.

[Jordan the Jeweler]

Have a thousand words. What does it get you? You owe me $150.

[Mr. Dithers]

Oh, yeah? Well, try and get it.

[Jordan the Jeweler]

Oh, I'll get it. Don't worry.

[Mr. Dithers]

I'm not worrying.

[Dagwood Bumstead]

I am.

[Blondie]

So am I. Oh, shh, baby.

[Baby Dumplin]

But I got something to tell you. Mama, you can party.

[Dagwood Bumstead]

It'll keep, baby dumpling. Guys, too many people want to talk now.

[Mr. Dithers]

Fine. Joola wants me to pay for his mistakes.

[Jordan the Jeweler]

A kind businessman gives his faithful employees trick watches.

[Blondie]

Gentlemen, this isn't getting us anywhere. Mommy, I want to tell.

[Dagwood Bumstead]

Quiet, baby dumpling. Look, I'm sorry, but gosh, my nerves.

[Blondie]

Baby, go upstairs to bed. You too, dadwood.

[Dagwood Bumstead]

Yeah, me go to bed.

[Blondie]

Oh, I mean, put baby to bed, dear.

[Dagwood Bumstead]

Oh, yeah.

[Blondie]

I have an idea for settling this argument.

[Dagwood Bumstead]

Okay. Come on, baby dumpling.

[Baby Dumplin]

And I want to tell you something.

[Dagwood Bumstead]

Tell me upstairs now. Come on.

[Blondie]

Well, okay.

[Baby Dumplin]

Good night, mama.

[Blondie]

And say goodnight to the company, Baby dumplin.

[Baby Dumplin]

Good night, O. I hope you go home soon.

[Dagwood Bumstead]

Yeah, baby dumpling.

[Blondie]

Shh. Now, gentlemen, let's get this thing straightened out.

[Mr. Dithers]

I don't want to hear any more about it.

[Jordan the Jeweler]

All I want to hear is Dithers saying, here's your check.

[Blondie]

No, no. Now, now wait. As I understand it, Mr. Jordan, you want Mr. Dithers to hand you $150.

[Jordan the Jeweler]

Not one penny less. Dithers takes an article that belongs to me, he smashes it. Any court in the land will give me damages to the extent of the value.

[Blondie]

Well, Mr. Dithers, that sounds like a strong case.

[Mr. Dithers]

Think so?

[Blondie]

Yes, you did smash a watch and it wasn't yours. It would sound bad in court if you refused to pay anything for it.

[Jordan the Jeweler]

Hear that, Dithers?

[Blondie]

But.

[Jordan the Jeweler]

But.

[Mr. Dithers]

But what?

[Blondie]

But I'm willing to help you out, Mr. Dithers. I've got a proposition to make. You put up $25 and I'll get you out of this for 25 dol.

[Mr. Dithers]

Oh, is that so? Well, I've seen Blondie get out of worse than this. I'm with you, Blondie.

[Jordan the Jeweler]

Oh, you are, eh? Okay, let me see you get him out of it. Mrs. Bump said.

[Blondie]

All right, Mr. Jordan, here goes. Now, you spoke of going to law just now.

[Jordan the Jeweler]

Oh, you want to go to law, eh?

[Blondie]

No, and neither do you. Because Mr. Jordan, while you might make Mr. Dithers look. Well, not very generous, Mr. Dithers will make you, Mr. Jordan, look very, very silly, eh? Now look, how would it sound in court, Mr. Jordan, when you had to admit that your agent or clerk didn't know the difference between a hundred and fifty dollars gold watch and an April fool watch? That falls apart?

[Jordan the Jeweler]

Well, I'm willing to arbitrate.

[Blondie]

Now, I'm going to ask you some questions. You don't have to answer, but I think you'd better because the answers are all on your books. And a lawyer could get a court order to look at those books.

[Jordan the Jeweler]

You want to know prices?

[Blondie]

Uh huh. And cost too.

[Jordan the Jeweler]

I've got nothing to hide.

[Blondie]

Good. Now what is the price of the trick watch?

[Jordan the Jeweler]

What's that got to do with anything? The watch that he smashed is $150.

[Blondie]

You said you had nothing to hide. Now what do you ask for the trick watch?

[Jordan the Jeweler]

$75. What a robber. Oh, a robber am I? Now I will go to law.

[Blondie]

Oh, now wait, Mr. Dithers. If I'm going to settle this, you'd better leave us alone, huh?

[Jordan the Jeweler]

Please.

[Blondie]

Now you go on out in the kitchen and get a drink of water or something.

[Mr. Dithers]

All right, all right. Call me when Jordan hollers for help.

[Blondie]

My, I'm glad you keep your dignity, Mr. Jordan.

[Jordan the Jeweler]

Never mind the soft soap, madam. I'm waiting for any facts you may have that'll make me take less than $150 for that watch.

[Blondie]

All right, I'll give you facts. But first, why do you value the trick watch so highly?

[Jordan the Jeweler]

It's a good rental property. In one year I rented it five times at $5 a time. Six times including divers.

[Blondie]

Oh, I see. And how much did you actually pay for the trick watch?

[Jordan the Jeweler]

That's my business.

[Blondie]

I thought you had nothing to hide.

[Jordan the Jeweler]

Well, the trick watch cost me $50. I asked 75 because I'm entitled to 50% on any sale.

[Blondie]

That's What I wanted to know. Your profit is 50%. That would mean that the good watch only actually cost you $100.

[Jordan the Jeweler]

Well, yes, and I might settle for that, but not one penny less.

[Blondie]

Well, we'll see. Now, getting back to the trick watch. It cost you $50, and you've made $25 in rentals on it. So if that watch got smashed, the real loss to you would be just $25. Now, is that right?

[Jordan the Jeweler]

Well, yes.

[Blondie]

All right. Now, Mr. Dithers has offered to settle for $25.

[Jordan the Jeweler]

Oh, he has? Well, it won't work, Mrs. Bumpstead. I'm going to be paid for the good watch because it was the good watch that he smashed.

[Blondie]

Not in the eyes of the law.

[Jordan the Jeweler]

Eh? Why not? I'd like to know.

[Blondie]

Well, take this example. Your wife goes into a store where they have an original gown from Paris, value $300.

[Jordan the Jeweler]

She better not buy it.

[Blondie]

She doesn't. They also have exact copies at $30 apiece. Your wife orders a copy.

[Jordan the Jeweler]

Well.

[Blondie]

Well, the store makes a mistake. They send her the original. Now, she didn't order that. She doesn't want that. She doesn't know she has it. But she wears it thinking it's the copy. Then she spills ink on it.

[Jordan the Jeweler]

She does. Is it paid for?

[Blondie]

Yes, she paid $30. But the store discovers their mistake. They bring a copy and ask for the original back. It's spoiled, so they bill her for $300.

[Jordan the Jeweler]

What? Well, I like to see them get it.

[Blondie]

I'm glad you see my point.

[Jordan the Jeweler]

But the watch is different.

[Blondie]

Not a bit. Now, listen, Mr. Dithers rented a watch. He got what he thought was a trick watch. He had every right to think that. He didn't order a good watch. He paid a rental to get a come apart watch. When it didn't work the way you told him it would, he tried to make it work.

[Jordan the Jeweler]

Yeah, he made it come apart all right.

[Blondie]

Of course he did. He had paid to see it come apart. Now, I'm not sure he couldn't sue you.

[Jordan the Jeweler]

Sue me?

[Mr. Bell]

What for?

[Blondie]

Well, he had paid you a sum to have a laugh on someone else. Instead, the laugh's been on him. If I said you had made him very ridiculous, he might get damages.

[Jordan the Jeweler]

I've had enough. You win.

[Blondie]

Oh, thank you. You can come in now, Mr. Dithers. Bring the $25 with you.

[Mr. Dithers]

Ah. Seen the light, eh, Jordan? Well, here's your $25. Yeah, that's a lot to pay for an April fool joke.

[Jordan the Jeweler]

Oh, you think you're stuck, eh? How about me? I'm out $125.

[Mr. Dithers]

You mean $75. I heard you admit the broken watch only cost $100.

[Jordan the Jeweler]

Well, then I'm out $75. That's $50 more than you are.

[Blondie]

But you're really not out any more than Mr. Dithers.

[Jordan the Jeweler]

Oh, I'm not, eh? How do you figure that?

[Blondie]

Well, you have the trick watch, haven't you?

[Jordan the Jeweler]

I'll be lucky if I still have.

[Mr. Dithers]

It when I leave here.

[Jordan the Jeweler]

How does that make me losing no more than Dithers. He's only out $25.

[Blondie]

Don't you see? It's plain as the nose on your face. Listen.

[Jordan the Jeweler]

I'm listening.

[Mr. Dithers]

So AM I.

[Blondie]

Now, Mr. Jordan had two watches. He paid $50 for one and $100 for the other. Total $150?

[Jordan the Jeweler]

Right.

[Blondie]

He now has only one watch, but he values it at $75 his own figure.

[Mr. Dithers]

Right?

[Blondie]

So he has $75, plus $25 he made in rentals on it. Now, that's $100 plus $25 Mr. Dither paid him for it. Now, that's $125. Or only $25 less than he paid for both watches.

[Mr. Dithers]

He's right, Jordan.

[Blondie]

We're even now. Now then, come on, shake hands.

[Jordan the Jeweler]

I don't mind. Good night. I'm going before she has me owing somebody money.

[Blondie]

I'm glad you mentioned that, Mr. Jordan.

[Baby Dumplin]

How about the $5 rental, miss?

[Jordan the Jeweler]

What?

[Blondie]

It isn't fair to rent a man a thing that you also sell him and which he never gets. You've got the watch, Mr. Jordan.

[Jordan the Jeweler]

I'm going. I think I've worn out my welcome here.

[Mr. Dithers]

Hey, wait. She's right again. Give me that pie. I'll get him. Come back, George.

[Blondie]

Oh, my goodness. Blondie.

[Dagwood Bumstead]

Hey, Blondie, you know what?

[Blondie]

No. What?

[Dagwood Bumstead]

Baby doll plan. Get gummies.

[Blondie]

Yeah, I am.

[Dagwood Bumstead]

Tell Mommy what you told me upstairs.

[Baby Dumplin]

I was trying to tell everybody down here. It's just that I brought Daddy a watch too. What?

[Blondie]

How? Where?

[Dagwood Bumstead]

He took the money out of his pig bank. All he had so I wouldn't be disappointed when Mr. Dittis pulled his joke.

[Blondie]

Why, Baby Dumplin, that was sweet.

[Baby Dumplin]

I went to the toy store and bought a watch for 238 pennies. It was worth £250.

[Dagwood Bumstead]

Like mother, like son. A bargainer.

[Blondie]

Well, where is the watch? You got, Baby? Yes.

[Dagwood Bumstead]

Dinner, baby.

[Baby Dumplin]

Mr. Dithers.

[Blondie]

Rose. Oh, no, Baby.

[Dagwood Bumstead]

Oh, yes, he did. See, when Baby went to the clothes closet to get that box for Mr. Dithers, baby dumpling switched his watch for the one in Mr. Dithers pocket.

[Baby Dumplin]

Now, the daddy wouldn't have a joke.

[Blondie]

Well, bless your heart.

[Dagwood Bumstead]

I don't care if I never get a watch with a son like that.

[Blondie]

But wait, then. Where is the good watch we thought was broken?

[Baby Dumplin]

I've got it, Mommy. Right here.

[Blondie]

See? Oh. Oh, for heaven's sake.

[Mr. Dithers]

He got away from me. Hey, what's that?

[Dagwood Bumstead]

Oh, it's the watch we thought you broke, Baby Dumpling saved it, eh?

[Blondie]

How? There was a little skullduggery in the closet. It was a watch Baby had bought his father that you broke.

[Mr. Dithers]

Oh, it was, eh?

[Baby Dumplin]

It took all my pennies to buy it too.

[Mr. Dithers]

Well, let's see if we can't fix that. How much was Jordan out? $25. Okay, I'll pay him that and then I'll own this watch.

[Blondie]

You'll have a bargain too. $50 for a watch that retails at 150?

[Mr. Dithers]

You mean Bailey will have a bargain? It's his to pay for the one I broke.

[Dagwood Bumstead]

Oh, no, the difference in price, that's too much.

[Mr. Dithers]

No, Dagwood, I won't miss $50. The baby's watch cost him all he had. I'm getting off easy. Here, baby.

[Blondie]

Thanks.

[Baby Dumplin]

Here, Daddy.

[Dagwood Bumstead]

Huh?

[Mr. Dithers]

Speech, baby, speech.

[Baby Dumplin]

Okay, Daddy. In recognition for your unbroken record and a good daddy, I have my present you with a ton. Anyhow, as you're watching. Happy birthday.

[Dagwood Bumstead]

Happy birthday Happy birthday All I can say is I hope everybody that ever has a birthday has as good a one as I have.

[Blondie]

And happy birthday to you Happy birthday.

[Dagwood Bumstead]

To you, to you Happy birthday Happy.

[Blondie]

Birthday to me A.

[Dagwood Bumstead]

No.

[Unknown Advertiser]

Well, Dagwood's birthday ended happily. Despite all the April fool jokes that were played on him. So join the Bumsteads next Monday when the makers of Camel cigarettes again bring you Penny Singleton as Blondie and Arthur Lake as Dagwood. Let me also suggest that you listen to Campbell's other standout shows. On Saturday, there's luncheon at the Waldorf with Ilka Chase. You'll find it a new high in daytime entertainment. On Saturday night, tune in and hear Bob Crosby and Mildred Bailey featuring music with a heartbeat. Well, that's a tip for your radio pleasure. And for your smoking pleasure, try Camels. You'll find more pleasure for puff More pups per pack. Our Blondie Orchestra is directed by Billy Arts, who also creates the special musical effects. And this is Bill Goodwin speaking for the makers of Camel cigarettes. Until Monday. Good night all. This is the Columbia Broadcasting System.

[Blondie]

SA.