Blondie 43-04-12 (185) Blondie's Trouble Arrives C.O.D. - Harold's Old Time Radio

Transcript

A (0:02)

It's the Frontline Theater today presenting erotic in comedy right out of your favorite comic strip, Chick Young's famous Blondie. And is our special guest, Jerry Wald and his orchestra. This is Ken Niles welcoming you once again to the Frontline Theater. Brought to you, men in the armed forces of the United nations, by the Special Service Division of the War Department. This is your theater and every performance in it is presented especially for you, the men fighting with the United nations on freedom's front line. It's a zany comedy today. The title, please. Not C O D. The leading characters. Well, you've laughed at them if you've read the comic pages anywhere from Seattle to Miami. Dagwood Bumstead, who spends his life inventing big sandwiches and knocking down mailman. Pretty patient Blondie and Baby Dumpling, who has grown into Alexander Bumstead. Well, it's a nice, bright morning, and today Blondie and Dagwood have planned to do a little shopping just as soon as they get Alexander off to school.

B (1:23)

Say, Pop, do I have to take.

C (1:25)

This book back to the library today?

B (1:27)

Well, is it overdue?

C (1:29)

Not much.

B (1:29)

Hmm. About how much overdue is it? Oh, just since Christmas.

C (1:36)

It's your own fault, Alexander. I reminded you several times to take that book back.

B (1:40)

Yeah. Look, Alexander, you sneak back with it today. See? Excellent. And if they catch you, tell him to send your father a bill on the first.

C (1:49)

Okay, Pop. Now hurry, dear. You'll be late for school. I'm going right now, Mommy. Goodbye. Bye.

B (1:54)

Bye.

C (1:55)

See you after school. Oh, dear. Someone's at the front door, Dagwood.

B (2:00)

I'll get it, honey.

D (2:03)

Good morning, sir.

E (2:04)

Cod from Ormandy's Department Store. $398.

B (2:08)

Whoa, blondie.

E (2:09)

Oh, wait a minute. What am I saying? $3.98.

Summary

Podcast Summary: Blondie 43-04-12 (185) "Blondie's Trouble Arrives C.O.D."

Harold's Old Time Radio – September 30, 2025

Main Theme:
A classic comedic hijinks episode, this "Blondie" broadcast revolves around Dagwood and Blondie Bumstead’s misadventures after receiving a mysterious C.O.D. (Cash on Delivery) package—a bridge table intended for a neighbor. The couple’s attempts to return it spiral into absurdity, poking fun at bureaucracy, neighborly unhelpfulness, and the quirks of mid-century American life.

Key Discussion Points & Episode Breakdown

1. Setting the Stage: The Daily Bumstead Routine (00:02–01:55)

Opening Narrative: Introduction by Ken Niles, setting the scene of a bright morning at the Bumstead household. Dagwood and Blondie plan some shopping once Alexander ("Baby Dumpling") leaves for school.
Quote:

"Well, it's a nice, bright morning, and today Blondie and Dagwood have planned to do a little shopping just as soon as they get Alexander off to school." — Announcer Ken Niles [00:32]

2. The Package Arrives (01:55–04:40)

Alexander’s Library Book: Alexander tries to weasel out of returning an overdue library book—since Christmas!
The Mysterious C.O.D.: A delivery man presents Blondie and Dagwood with a large, misdelivered C.O.D. package for $3.98.
- Delivery banter about slow deliveries and fumbling for change.
- Comedic suspicion about a counterfeit 50-cent piece.
Quote:

"We need $2.48. I prefer it in real money." — Delivery Man [03:42]

3. A Bridge Too Far: The Mix-Up Emerges (04:40–08:21)

Discovering the Error:
- Dagwood and Blondie realize the package is a complicated bridge table meant for "Mrs. J. Randolph Plush," not them.
- They decide to deliver it themselves and recover their money from Mrs. Plush.
Mrs. Plush’s Indifference:
- Mrs. Plush, after a humorous explanation about cheating at bridge, refuses to pay, declaring she doesn't want it anymore as it doesn't match her décor—or her "cocktail toothpaste."
- She tries to fob the table (and a counterfeit quarter) back onto the Bumsteads.
Quote:

"Surely you don't expect me to buy something I don't want to." — Mrs. Plush [07:23]

4. Dealing with the Delivery Man’s Stonewall (08:21–11:29)

Attempting a Return:
- Dagwood and Blondie try to hand back the table and recoup their money from the delivery man.
- The delivery man lists a ludicrous series of bureaucratic hoops: filling out multiple forms, providing references, showing a birth certificate and Social Security card, and finally, meeting with "Mr. Grapple"—all just to initiate a refund.
- Satirical take on institutionalized inefficiency.
Quote:

"You accepted a COD which wasn't for you in the second place. So, you shouldn't have paid me for it in the third place or unwrapped it in the fourth place..." — Delivery Man [09:03]
"All in all, I'd say you get your refund shortly after the duration. Provided that during the duration, we don't go into bankruptcy." — Delivery Man [10:50]

5. The Bus Fiasco (11:29–16:14)

Taking the Table on the Bus:
- The crowded bus, made worse by the awkward bridge table, draws the ire of the conductor, leading to comedic chaos as the table’s legs accidentally spring open and jam into the bus.
- A farcical scuffle to collapse the table ensues, with the conductor (eventually, somehow) demonstrating the correct method but refusing to explain.
Quote:

"Now, lady, don't turn those beautiful blue blinkers of yours on me and expect me to fall flat on my face." — Bus Conductor [13:50]

6. Arriving at Ormandy's — More Red Tape (19:04–22:27)

Reaching Customer Service:
- At Ormandy’s Department Store, Dagwood and Blondie encounter the indifferent and self-important Mr. Periwinkle, who informs them that it's not his problem—they need the complaint window.
- The man at the complaint window turns out to be the same fellow, who immediately announces it’s his lunch break and leaves.
Quote:

"You see, I'm married to Mr. Ormandy's niece." — Mr. Periwinkle [20:54]

7. Selling the Table—Or Not (22:32–26:41)

Furniture Department:
- Dagwood, desperate, tries to sell the bridge table to a man (store detective) browsing the showroom.
- The man pretends to show interest, lets Dagwood "sell" him the table for $3.98, then promptly reveals himself as the store detective and threatens to arrest Dagwood for "selling store property."
Quote:

"You're under arrest for selling an article belonging to the store. Now, come along with me." — Store Detective [24:49]

8. A Final Denial—and Resignation (26:41–28:41)

No Refund, No Exchange:
- The detective, after hearing the couple’s story, refuses a refund for the now "banged-up" table, revealing it was bought at a special sale: "No refunds or exchanges."
- Joke about everyone facing this man who’s “married to Mr. Ormandy’s niece.”
- Blondie and Dagwood return home, exhausted but resigned to keeping the ill-fated table.
- Final gag: Dagwood tries to stand on the bridge table, in imitation of the advertising photo, and a mishap ensues.
Quote:

"In a few words, folks, from where you're standing, there's an eight ball directly in front of you. You gotta keep the table." — Store Detective [27:11]

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

Alexander’s Overdue Book

"Oh, just since Christmas." — Alexander [01:29]
Delivery Man's Sarcasm:

"Just poke the bill in my pocket and drop the change in my hat." — Delivery Man [03:09]
Mrs. Plush’s “Bridge Cheating”

"That's because of the won... No, that would be cheating..." — Mrs. Plush [05:55–06:02]
Red Tape Satire:

"You also need two letters of reference. One from your bank and one from your draft ball... get the whole thing notarized..." — Delivery Man [10:16]
Store Detective's Deadpan:

"I'm the head of the store detectives." — Store Detective [24:44]
Blondie’s Exasperation:

"Oh, Dagwood, I've never been so glad to get home in all my life. I'm nearly ready to collapse." — Blondie [27:14]
Final Gag:

"I think I'll try it—hey, hey... this is all right... Holy smoke!" (Table collapses under Dagwood) — Dagwood [28:12–28:27]

Timeline of Key Segments

| Timestamp | Segment | |------------|-----------------------------------------------------| | 00:02 | Introduction and setting the scene | | 01:25 | Alexander and the overdue library book | | 02:00 | Delivery of the C.O.D. package | | 04:08 | Discovery of bridge table's intended recipient | | 05:17 | Mrs. Plush's explanation and refusal | | 08:28 | Confrontation with delivery man, red tape satire | | 11:57 | Trouble boarding the bus with the table | | 19:21 | Arrival at Ormandy's adjustment counter | | 22:32 | Attempt to return table at complaint window | | 23:11 | Dagwood tries to "sell" table to detective | | 24:44 | Dagwood's arrest by store detective | | 26:58 | No refund, no exchange—final resignation | | 27:35 | Home again; final bridge table gag | | 28:41 | Episode concludes |

Episode Tone & Style

Light, Zany, and Satirical: True to "Blondie," the tone is breezy and tongue-in-cheek. Characters speak in rapid-fire comic banter, with exaggerated bureaucratic and social obstacles.
Classic Radio Comedy: Emphasizes slapstick (even in purely audio form), neighborly quirks, mischievous children, and daggers-tinged-with-sarcasm bureaucracy.

Conclusion

This episode embodies the warm, madcap humor of "Blondie" during radio's golden age, with a simple premise amplified by a cascade of absurdities and red tape. Listeners are treated to witty repartee, familiar domestic foibles, and a good-natured skewering of both officialdom and neighborly "help."
For those seeking a dose of classic Americana comedy—or insight into the stylings of mid-century radio—this episode serves as a delightful time capsule.