Blue Ribbon Town 44-02-05 (x) Milwaukee One Hundred Years Ago

Summary

Podcast Summary: "Blue Ribbon Town 44-02-05 (x) Milwaukee One Hundred Years Ago"

Podcast Information:

• Title: Harold's Old Time Radio
• Host/Author: Harold's Old Time Radio
• Episode: Blue Ribbon Town 44-02-05 (x) Milwaukee One Hundred Years Ago
• Release Date: June 8, 2025
• Description: Relive the Golden Age of Radio with classic shows that families enjoyed before television. Featuring beloved programs like The Shadow, Abbott & Costello, Amos & Andy, Dragnet, and more.

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1. Introduction and Advocacy Message (00:00 - 00:31)

The episode opens with an urgent advocacy spot for tobacco control:

• Advocate for Tobacco Control: “Nearly 90% of kids who vape say flavors are why they do it. ... It’s time to restrict the sale of flavored tobacco products in Oregon and protect our kids from nicotine addiction.”
• Timestamp: [00:00]

This segment urges listeners to support Senate Bill 702A by visiting flavorshookoregonkids.org, emphasizing the role of flavored tobacco in youth addiction.

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2. Pabst Blue Ribbon’s 100th Anniversary Celebration (00:31 - 01:24)

The announcer introduces the main feature of the episode:

• Announcer: “In celebration of Pabst 100th anniversary, Pabst Blue Ribbon Beer presents Blue Ribbon Town, starring Groucho Marx. With his glamorous guest, the 20th Century Fox star, Gene Tierney.”

A musical guest sets the festive tone:

• Musical Guest: “Come on down from the Blue Ribbon.”
• Groucho Marx: “Town where you found your daily care.”
• Timestamp: [00:42 - 00:51]

The host, Durward Kirby, briefly describes the special’s lineup, including Faye Mackenzie, Leo Gorthy, Bill Days, Robert Armbruster, and his Blue Ribbon Blenders.

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3. Onboard Banter Between Groucho Marx and Gene Tierney (01:24 - 10:18)

The heart of the episode features a humorous and engaging dialogue between Groucho Marx and Gene Tierney as they journey by train to Milwaukee.

Early Interactions:

• Gene Tierney: “Gosh, Groucho, I'm so glad we're taking this trip. I love trains.”
• Groucho Marx: “Me too, Fay. ... I thought it was strange that a Pullman chair would have its legs crossed.”
• Timestamp: [01:24 - 02:15]

Their playful banter covers topics from cramped train conditions to Groucho’s failed attempts to dine on the train:

• Groucho Marx: “Instead of eating, I'll just look at you and feast my eyes.”
• Gene Tierney: “Oh, Groucho, you're so sweet.”
• Timestamp: [03:02 - 03:26]

Encounter with Bill Days: Groucho interacts humorously with fellow passenger Bill Days, illustrating Groucho’s classic wit:

• Groucho Marx: “Oh, all right. On a baggage rack is not the same as an upper berth. Well, what's wrong with him then? Yells at his wife for not packing his pajamas.”
• Timestamp: [01:36 - 02:10]

Arrival and Hotel Check-In: Upon arriving in Milwaukee, Groucho and Gene attempt to check into a hotel, leading to a series of comedic misunderstandings:

• Groucho Marx: “My name is Mark Groucho. Mar.”
• Announcer: “Oh, that's all right. You don't have to apologize. We can't all be lucky.”
• Timestamp: [10:18 - 11:03]

Gene’s Room Upgrade: Gene Tierney receives special treatment, much to Groucho’s amusement:

• Groucho Marx: “I said my name was Mark Scrotcho Marks. You've probably seen me there.”
• Announcer: “I'm going to give you the best room in the hotel.”
• Timestamp: [10:27 - 11:03]

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4. Musical Interludes and Advertisements (07:11 - 15:42)

Throughout the episode, musical segments and advertisements are interwoven seamlessly with the storyline.

Musical Performances: Gene Tierney performs songs that complement the show's nostalgic theme:

• Gene Tierney: “Chicks and ducks and keep that asuri when you take me out in the surrey...”
• Timestamp: [07:11 - 08:08]

Advertisements:

• Expedia Promotion:
  • Groucho Marx: “We were made to package flights, hotels.”
  • Musical Guest: “And hammocks for less.”
  • Timestamp: [14:53 - 15:05]

These segments maintain authenticity by reflecting the era’s advertising style, enhancing the immersive experience.

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5. Skit: Milwaukee One Hundred Years Ago (16:02 - 24:21)

A central skit transports listeners back a century to Milwaukee’s pioneer days, featuring Groucho Marx in a comedic Western scenario.

Pioneer Introduction:

• Groucho Marx (as G. Boone Marx): “Excuse me, Indian girl, but do you know where I could buy a box of Kleenex?”
• Gene Tierney (as Sunset, the Indian girl): “Me called Sunset in the evening.”
• Timestamp: [16:02 - 18:44]

Comedic Dialogue: Groucho’s interactions with Sunset are filled with puns and playful misunderstandings:

• Groucho Marx: “I used to spend two hours every day in the saddle. Then one day, a terrible thing happened. Somebody put a Horse under it.”
• Gene Tierney: “Please do not make fun of me. Me a Blackfoot Indian.”
• Timestamp: [16:29 - 18:38]

Conflict and Resolution: Tensions rise when Black Louie, portrayed by Leo Gorcey, arrives to challenge Groucho:

• Black Louie: “Hey, get away from that engine girl, or I'll plug you.”
• Groucho Marx: “Listen, Black Leo, what you do? Put mustard on the hamburger?”
• Timestamp: [22:16 - 24:21]

The skit escalates to a mock shootout, blending slapstick humor with period-appropriate themes, culminating in Groucho and Black Leo comically resolving their dispute.

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6. Pabst’s Post War Employment Awards (24:42 - 25:53)

The announcer returns to highlight Pabst’s philanthropic efforts:

• Announcer: “There are just two days left before the close of the $50,000 Pabst Post War Employment Awards competition...”

This segment emphasizes Pabst’s commitment to supporting post-war employment initiatives, encouraging listeners to participate and contribute to a better America.

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7. Conclusion and Final Messages (25:53 - 29:39)

Final Musical and Advocacy Messages: The episode concludes with a blend of patriotic songs and advocacy:

• Groucho Marx’s Song: Combines humorous lyrics with wartime encouragement, urging listeners to support bond purchases and remain vigilant during the war effort.
• Timestamp: [25:53 - 27:09]

Closing Announcements:

• Announcer: “So don’t forget next week, Groucho Martin Company's lovely Jean Tierney again as our guest will be coming at you from Peoria, Illinois. So help us celebrate and come on down.”
• Advocate for Tobacco Control Repeat Message: Urges continued support for Senate Bill 702A.
• Timestamp: [28:41 - 29:31]

Final Advertisements: A brief nod to Expedia wraps up the episode:

• Musical Guest: “Trip planner by Expedia.”
• Groucho Marx: “Beach with a pool and a marina and a waterfall and a soaking tub. Expedia made to travel.”
• Timestamp: [29:31 - 29:39]

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Notable Quotes with Timestamps:

1. Advocate for Tobacco Control (00:00):

   • “Nearly 90% of kids who vape say flavors are why they do it.”

2. Groucho Marx (03:26):

   • “Instead of eating, I'll just look at you and feast my eyes.”

3. Gene Tierney (09:17):

   • “Oh, Groucho, you're always joking. Don't you care seriously about anything?”

4. Groucho Marx (16:24):

   • “I used to spend two hours every day in the saddle. Then one day, a terrible thing happened.”

5. Batk Louie (22:20):

   • “It is my boyfriend, Black Louie. He is most bad man in Milwaukee.”

6. Groucho Marx (24:10):

   • “We’re a shooting.”

7. Gene Tierney (28:14):

   • “But, Groucho, didn’t we just finish celebrating Pabst 100th anniversary?”

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Insights and Themes:

• Nostalgia: The episode expertly captures the essence of the Golden Age of Radio, blending period-specific humor, music, and advertisements to evoke a sense of bygone times.

• Humor and Wit: Groucho Marx’s signature wit shines throughout, providing levity and timeless comedy that remains engaging for modern audiences.

• Promotion and Sponsorship: Pabst Blue Ribbon’s centennial celebration serves as the central sponsor, seamlessly integrated into the narrative without overshadowing the entertainment.

• Social Advocacy: The recurring tobacco control messages highlight a commitment to relevant social issues, demonstrating the era’s blend of entertainment and public service.

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Conclusion:

"Blue Ribbon Town 44-02-05 (x) Milwaukee One Hundred Years Ago" is a rich, engaging episode that masterfully combines humor, music, and social advocacy within the nostalgic framework of old-time radio. Through the charming interactions of Groucho Marx and Gene Tierney, listeners are transported both to a celebratory Pabst Blue Ribbon anniversary and back to Milwaukee’s pioneering past. Notable quotes and well-timed advertisements enhance the authenticity, making this episode a delightful experience for both long-time fans and newcomers alike.

Transcript

[Advocate for Tobacco Control]

Nearly 90% of kids who vape say flavors are why they do it. A lot of the flavors I've heard are like peach, mango, watermelon. It makes it seem like more childlike and innocent. Oh, I try this once, it won't be that much of a problem. But then eventually it becomes a problem. It's time to restrict the sale of flavored tobacco products in Oregon and protect our kids from nicotine addiction. Urge lawmakers to Pass Senate Bill 702A. Take action at flavorshookoregonkids.org for by the Campaign for Tobacco Free Kids Action Fund, Wisconsin.

[Announcer]

In celebration of Pabst 100th anniversary, Pabst Blue Ribbon Beer presents Blue Ribbon Town, starring Groucho Marx. With his glamorous guest, the 20th Century Fox star, Gene Tierney.

[Musical Guest]

Come on down from the Blue Ribbon.

[Groucho Marx]

Town where you found your daily care.

[Announcer]

With lovely Gene Tierney joining us in our War Bond and Service Camp tour, we have a trainload of good fun and musical aboard the Blue Ribbon Town special tonight. Waiting to be paged are Faye Mackenzie, Leo Gorthy, Bill Days, Robert Armbruster and his Blue Ribbon Blenders. Yours truly, Durward Kirby. And here, seated in the Pullman, admiring the scenery, is our persnickety passenger, Groucho Mark.

[Gene Tierney]

Gosh, Groucho, I'm so glad we're taking this trip. I love trains.

[Groucho Marx]

Me too, Fay. You know, we're pretty lucky. With trains as crowded as they are these days, I'm surprised we got as much space as we did.

[Gene Tierney]

So am I. But really, Groucho, I haven't minded it.

[Groucho Marx]

At all, holding you on my lap for two days. Was that your lap I was sitting on?

[Gene Tierney]

Of course.

[Groucho Marx]

I thought it was strange that a Pullman chair would have its legs crossed.

[Gene Tierney]

Groucho, do you suppose you could get up for a while and let me stretch my legs?

[Groucho Marx]

I'd love to pay, but I can't. Why not? Just someone sitting on my lap. Marks. Well, Mr. Marks, that sounds like Bill Days. How you doing up there, Bill? Oh, all right. On a baggage rack is not the same as an upper bird. Well, what's wrong with him then? Yells at his wife for not packing his pajamas.

[Gene Tierney]

Oh, Groucho, look. There's Lake Michigan. My choppy today. See all the white cats?

[Groucho Marx]

Yes, isn't it wonderful? You get near the place where they make Pabst Beer and even the lake has a head on it.

[Gene Tierney]

Hey, Groucho, look at the crowd of servicemen at the other end of the car. I wonder what's happening.

[Groucho Marx]

They're probably getting Gene Taney's autograph. I certainly made no mistake when I invited her to be our guest on this trip. Here comes the little darling up the aisle now, neighbors, here she is, that gorgeous glamour girl from 20th Century Fox who appeals to every 20th century wolf. Gene Tinney.

[Gene Tierney]

Hello, Groucho. Hello, everybody.

[Groucho Marx]

Where have you been, Jean?

[Gene Tierney]

I just got back from the dining car. Oh, I had the most wonderful dinner.

[Groucho Marx]

You got in the dining car? I've been trying to get in there for two days.

[Gene Tierney]

Groucho, you mean you haven't been able to get any food since we left Hollywood?

[Groucho Marx]

How could I? The dining car is so crowded that a fella tripped on his way in yesterday and he had to wait two hours to fall down. Before he could get up, they threw a tablecloth over him and set four places on his back. Ah, but I don't care. Instead of eating, I'll just look at you and feast my eyes.

[Gene Tierney]

Oh, Groucho, you're so sweet.

[Groucho Marx]

Yes, and I'm still hungry.

[Gene Tierney]

You know, I think this trip was a swell idea, Groucho. I'm going to love entertaining the boys at the naval training station, the army camp, and doing the Bond rally at Topeka.

[Groucho Marx]

And don't forget our little John up in Milwaukee. I'm really going to enjoy helping the Pabst people celebrate their hundredth anniversary.

[Gene Tierney]

That's certainly nice of you, Groucho. Maybe in a few years they'll do the same for you.

[Groucho Marx]

Say, say, Groucho, Bobby Armbruster. What's on your musical mind, Groucho? I don't want to complain, but I hope I can get better accommodations on the way back. But Bobby, I got you a whole compartment. Well, don't you think that one compartment is kind of small for 24 musicians? Not if you don't play any big numbers. But Groucho, every time we rehearse, the slide trombone player knocks out the fiddle section. Well, if you opened up a window, we could slide his trombone out that way. We tried that yesterday. Well, what happened? His trombone picked up every mailbag between Albuquerque and Wichita.

[Musical Guest]

Hey, Mutzie. Mutzie, where are you?

[Groucho Marx]

Well, well, if it isn't Pat's back Bad boy Leo Garce.

[Musical Guest]

Hey, Marcy, what do you hear from the engineers?

[Groucho Marx]

Just choo choo, baby. Did you want to talk with me, Leo?

[Musical Guest]

Nah, I don't want to converse with you. I must be put to decline my conversation to our glorious, luscious and beautious guest, Gene Tunney.

[Groucho Marx]

In this corner. Gene Tunney. Gorsey this is Gene Tierney. She's no boxer.

[Musical Guest]

That's what you think. The dame's a knockout.

[Gene Tierney]

Oh, thank you, Mr. Gorcey. And I also want to thank you for getting me into the dining car.

[Musical Guest]

Don't mention it, fair lady. Your wish is might demand.

[Groucho Marx]

Listen, my crude Casanova. Just how did you manage to get into that crowded dining car?

[Musical Guest]

That was easy. Nothing to it. I just told him the conductor was my old man.

[Gene Tierney]

And I'm very grateful to you, Mr. Gorsey, for seeing that my luggage was handled so carefully.

[Musical Guest]

There was nothing. Nothing at all. I did that the same way. Just told him the conductor was my old man.

[Groucho Marx]

Hey, that's a good trick, Dorsey. Whatever made you think of that?

[Musical Guest]

The conductor is my old man.

[Groucho Marx]

Happy anniversary to you 100th anniversary it's true Happy anniversary, dear pastors Happy anniversary to you 00:33.

[Announcer]

Thanks for the song, Groucho. That was just in the right spirit. After all, we don't want to get too serious at our 100th anniversary celebration here at Milwaukee. It'll be a long, long time before our next hundred year party. But there's one thing we do think we ought to say. For a full century, our company has grown and prospered. Because we've always brewed and sold quality beers. Beers that were honestly made. Beers that were honestly sold. Premium beers that have made fast and loyal friends all over the world. Today you enjoy the best beer that all our hundred years of brewing skill can produce. Pabst Blue Ribbon. A delicious blend of 33 fine brews with the smooth, satisfying flavor that only full flavor blending can achieve. And now, as we enter our second hundred years, we want to reaffirm our pledge and our promise that whenever you buy Pabst Blue Ribbon beer, wherever you buy it, it will continue to be the finest beer we know how to make. Rich and smooth and mellow. A master blend of fine ingredients and a century of skill. A beer to order with confidence and serve with pride. That is Pabst Blue Ribbon. Well, friends, the trip to Milwaukee speeds on as Faye Mackenzie and the Blue Ribbon Blenders make their way aboard the surrey with a fringe on top from Oklahoma.

[Gene Tierney]

Chicks and ducks and keep that asuri when you take me out in the surrey when you take me out in a surrey with the syringe on fer nosy postels Keep to their shutters and their eyes will fall the wheels are yellow, the upholstery's brown the dashboard but genuine leather with eyes and glass curtains you can roll right down in case.

[Groucho Marx]

There's a change in the weather Two.

[Gene Tierney]

Bright side lights, winkin and blinkin' Ain't.

[Musical Guest]

No finer rig I'm a thinkin you.

[Gene Tierney]

Can keep your rig if you're thinking.

[Groucho Marx]

That I care to find a B on the top Come along, come along.

[Musical Guest]

Better hurry, come along Not a care.

[Gene Tierney]

Not a worry where to take you.

[Groucho Marx]

In the surrey with a friend on. Well, let's, let's, let's get out. Folks, here's our hotel. Come on, let's go inside. I'm cold. You know, Gene, the thermometer is, is a 10 below.

[Gene Tierney]

Oh, I love cold weather. I'm not even cold at 20.

[Groucho Marx]

I wasn't cold when I was 20 either.

[Gene Tierney]

But Groucho, I don't see how you can be cold. You don't even have goose flesh.

[Groucho Marx]

Of course I don't have goose flesh, I'm so cold. The geese loose out for the winter. We should have brought along some warmer clothing. Warmer clothing? I brought seven suits of long woolen underwear. Seven suits of long underwear? Yes, but I don't like them. They're creeping up on me. Well, why don't you pull them down? I would, but I don't know which of the seven is creeping up. I think it's number four on the itch parade.

[Gene Tierney]

Oh, Groucho.

[Groucho Marx]

Well, scratch it. It's good either way.

[Gene Tierney]

Oh, Groucho, you're always joking. Don't you care seriously about anything?

[Groucho Marx]

Yes, Eugene. No one but Eugene. Eugene. I could have sworn I was talking to a girl. Well, let's go into the hotel. The manager's waiting to greet us. Well, good morning. Good morning. Good morning. I'm the manager of the hotel. Glad to see you, Mr. Marks. All your rooms are ready. That is, they would be if we had any rooms. But never mind, we'll find someplace for you. Have a nice trip. Well, I have. Glad you did. Glad you did. But everybody seems to have a nice trip when they take a trip. Especially if it's a nice one. That's what I always say. Isn't that what you always say? Not always. Sometimes. Yes, but isn't that just another way of saying the same thing? Oh, my. That's Gene Tierney, the movie star with you, isn't it? My, she's beautiful. Wish my wife looked like that. She doesn't, though. The old battle axe has a profile you could chop wood with. Well, a room clerk will take care of your audience. Room clerk will take care of you. I want you to know it's been a pleasure to listen to, sir. You to and all your Hollywood gossip.

[Gene Tierney]

Goodbye.

[Groucho Marx]

At the speed he talks, I'll bet his mother was frightened by a tongue sandwich. Well, there's the room clerk. I'll talk to him. Excuse me. My name is Mark Groucho. Mar.

[Announcer]

Oh, that's all right. You don't have to apologize. We can't all be lucky.

[Groucho Marx]

You have some reservations for me, I hope.

[Announcer]

Oh, yes, yes. Here are the keys for you. You and your party.

[Groucho Marx]

Thank you.

[Announcer]

Oh, pardon me, miss, but aren't you Gene Tierney, the movie star?

[Gene Tierney]

Yes, I'm in pictures.

[Announcer]

Oh, gee, you're one of my favorites. I'm going to give you an extra special room.

[Gene Tierney]

Oh, that's very kind of you.

[Groucho Marx]

Yes, that's very kind of you. You know, I happen to be in.

[Announcer]

Pictures to have you with us, Ms. Tierney, you know, I'm going to give you the best room in the hotel. In fact, I'm seriously thinking of giving you the hotel.

[Gene Tierney]

Thank you so very much.

[Groucho Marx]

I said my name was Mark Scrotcho Marks. You've probably seen me there.

[Announcer]

Oh, I just lie there in the Corner. You know Ms. Tierney. You know Ms. Tierney.

[Groucho Marx]

Any particular corner?

[Announcer]

I've always wanted to meet you, Ms. Tierney. You're my idea of a perfect cover girl.

[Groucho Marx]

Oh, Groucho, are you a cover girl? Yes, I am. How can you be a cover girl, Groucho? Well, every time a girl sees me, she runs for cover. Oh, Groucho, you get on my nerves. No, you get on my nerves. You've got the stepladder.

[Gene Tierney]

Well, Groucho, I think I'll go to my room. I'll see you later.

[Groucho Marx]

The see me later. Why, Jean, are you asking me to call on you?

[Gene Tierney]

If I ask, would you accept?

[Groucho Marx]

I'll accept.

[Gene Tierney]

Then. I'm not asking.

[Groucho Marx]

You know, now it's plenty below.

[Musical Guest]

Hi, Moxie. Hiya, Jeanne.

[Groucho Marx]

Hiya. Hi. Well, here I am.

[Musical Guest]

Don't worry about a thing. Already to take it at dinner. I just went downstairs in the dining room and I got everything all deranged.

[Groucho Marx]

Well, I couldn't think of a better man for the job.

[Gene Tierney]

Thank you, Leo. I'll be down in just a few minutes.

[Musical Guest]

Hey, Marxie, you ought to see the swell rooms I got. I'm in a bridal suit.

[Groucho Marx]

You mean the bridal suite? Sweet.

[Musical Guest]

You're kind of cute yourself.

[Groucho Marx]

Say, wait a minute, Gorcy. With room so hard to get, how did you ever rate the bridal suite?

[Musical Guest]

Yeah, it was easy. I just told him the manager of the hotel was my old man Gorcy.

[Groucho Marx]

I don't understand this? You got all that service on the train because you said your father was the conductor. Now you tell me your father's the manager of the hotel.

[Musical Guest]

Can I help it if my old man can't hold a job?

[Groucho Marx]

Say KBY have you seen anything about 10 of bill days? Is he still in his room?

[Announcer]

No.

[Groucho Marx]

Ground to star eyes that to me is what your eyes are. Soft as stars in April skies are. Tell me someday you'll fulfill their promise of a thrill. Flashing eyes in which my hopes shine. Let me show you where my heart lies. Let me prove that it adorn that loveliness of yours. All my life I felt content to star days at the sky. Now I only want to mel.

[Gene Tierney]

The.

[Groucho Marx]

Stardust in your arms. When, if ever will my lips know if it's me for whom those eyes glow. Makes no difference where you are. Your eyes still hold my wishing star full smile. How lovely you are.

[Advocate for Tobacco Control]

Use of flavored tobacco by teens is a crisis. Tobacco companies use flavors like cotton candy, watermelon ice and cool mint to hook kids like me. They seem harmless, but they aren't. Addiction to nicotine sets us up for a lifetime of health problems. Oregon legislators can do something about it. Passing Senate Bill 702A will keep flavored tobacco away from kids. But there are just a few short weeks left for lawmakers to act. Take action to protect kids like me. @ flavorshookorgonkids.org paid for by the Campaign for Tobacco Free Kids Action Fund.

[Groucho Marx]

Packages by Expedia.

[Musical Guest]

You were made to be rechargeable.

[Groucho Marx]

We were made to package flights, hotels.

[Musical Guest]

And hammocks for less.

[Groucho Marx]

Expedia. Made to travel. Ah, Gene, that sentimental song brings back such memories.

[Gene Tierney]

Memories, Groucho?

[Groucho Marx]

Yes, memories. You know, Jean, it was just 100 years ago that Pabst got started as a little brewery on the hill here in Milwaukee.

[Gene Tierney]

A hundred years ago. Were you there, Groucho?

[Groucho Marx]

What do you think I am, a sensory plant?

[Gene Tierney]

I was only teasing. I bet Milwaukee in those days was quite a rough and tumble town.

[Groucho Marx]

Yes, and from 1844, Milwaukee was a typical pioneer outpost, defending itself from Indian raids and living by the code of the Six Shooter.

[Gene Tierney]

Sounds terribly exciting.

[Groucho Marx]

It was. But just the thought of it brings out the fighting pioneer blood in me. Oh, give me a horse and a rifle. Preferably a horse who knows how to shoot a rifle.

[Gene Tierney]

A horse and rifle. Somehow I can't picture you with either one.

[Groucho Marx]

Is that so? I used to spend two hours every day in the saddle. Then one day, a terrible thing happened.

[Gene Tierney]

What's that?

[Groucho Marx]

Somebody put a Horse under it. Ah, just thinking about Milwaukee a hundred years ago excites me. You know, I come from pioneer stock.

[Gene Tierney]

I never knew that, Grouchy.

[Groucho Marx]

Oh, yes. I was born in a log cabin with a red roof. Medical history proves that I was the only baby ever to be born with a red roof. But I was meant for those good old pioneer days of Milwaukee where men were men and women were women. I guess they're pretty much the same today.

[Gene Tierney]

Groucho, what's that dreamy look that suddenly come over you?

[Groucho Marx]

Ah, Gene, I can just see myself living in the Milwaukee of a hundred years ago. A brave young pioneer making his way fighting, living, loving.

[Announcer]

Milwaukee 100 years ago. A sprawling, dusty pioneer town. And out of the west comes a man riding, riding, riding a man who is the rootingest tootin est shootin est pioneer that ever fell off a horse. G. Boone Marx. And spying a beautiful Indian girl, he draws his horse to a stop and with a grim look of determination on his face, asks the one question that has been on his mind for months. The one question that may well end his 200 mile journey by horseback.

[Groucho Marx]

Excuse me, Indian girl, but do you know where I could buy a box of Kleenex?

[Gene Tierney]

How, stranger? How stranger?

[Groucho Marx]

I don't know how. That's why I'm asking you.

[Gene Tierney]

You don't understand white man how mean hello in Indian language. What's that, white man?

[Groucho Marx]

That means hello in any man's language. Well, let me introduce myself. I'm G. Boon Marks, the roughest, toughest pioneer in these sheer parts. What's your name? Injun gal.

[Gene Tierney]

Me called Sunset in the evening.

[Groucho Marx]

Is that so? I knew your father. Broma seltzer in the morning.

[Gene Tierney]

Please do not make fun of me. Me a Blackfoot Indian.

[Groucho Marx]

Well, you wouldn't have that trouble if you wore shoes.

[Gene Tierney]

Oh, you no understand Blackfoot. Very rich Indian tribe. Me have hundreds and hundreds of fine cows.

[Groucho Marx]

Yes, you also have a couple of mighty fine calves. That's the wrong dress for that joke. Yeah, sure. Yes, you're a mighty party, Injun gal. Injun gal. Stick around. I'll see you later. I gotta go in the hotel here and freshen up.

[Gene Tierney]

Be careful, stranger. Hotel have many tough men no like strangers.

[Groucho Marx]

Is that so? Then I'll go in a shooting. Here I go. Careful thar, stranger. You just grazed my head. I said careful thar. You just grazed my head again. There. I think I'll bring my horse over. Your head makes mighty fine grazing. You're getting too gay, stranger. That ain't a healthy for Dudes like you in Milwaukee. Shucks, I don't have to worry. I'm the best shot in Milwaukee. You are? Yeah. I'm the only man in town who can shoot the yolk out of a new laid egg without disturbing their hand. Some yolk, eh, kid? I say there, would you care for glass of beer? Must be English ale. Why, thanks. Why, thanks, partner. But how come you're giving out free beer? I just started a brewery, the Pabst Brewery. And I want people to get to know my beer. I make it myself down the street in that building with the flat roof. Flat roof? The only building I see has a big round dome on it. Oh, dawn. I put too much yeast in my beer again. Neighbors, the founder of Pabst really wasn't an Englishman. That's the only dialect arm Brewster can do. And there's nothing armed Brewster won't do for an extra three bucks.

[Gene Tierney]

Stranger, I wait for you outside, but you don't come. Don't you Like Indian girl like you?

[Groucho Marx]

I'm plumb crazy about you, Indian gal. Marry me.

[Gene Tierney]

Me don't know whether me should marry with you. Me always wanted man who look em heap strong. Heap handsome.

[Groucho Marx]

Well, don't I look heap strong? Heap handsome?

[Gene Tierney]

No, you just look em like heap.

[Groucho Marx]

Oh, I see. I just gave your horse a sample of my beer. And he loved it. Partner, are you plumb loco? You can't give beer to a horse. Why not? He's off the wagon. Well, I guess that wagon must have been a schooner. Engine gal, I love you. I'm mad about you, my little prairie flower.

[Gene Tierney]

Me liking you too, mustache man. You want him? Kiss him, Injun girl.

[Groucho Marx]

Reckon I do want them. Pucker up, my little Injun. I'll collect later.

[Gene Tierney]

Oh, me like him that. Kiss him some more. Kiss him.

[Groucho Marx]

Kiss him.

[Gene Tierney]

Little engine.

[Groucho Marx]

Sounds like my engine's getting overheated. I hope I don't lose track of her.

[Gene Tierney]

Indian girl like you want to marry with you be your squaw.

[Groucho Marx]

Yeah, we'll have a lot of proposers. Oh, never mind. We'll raise pigs. Ah, I love you, Indian gal. Kiss me some more.

[Gene Tierney]

Wait a minute. Look em who coming down the street.

[Groucho Marx]

I'm Stratum. That's in Illinois. This is Wisconsin.

[Gene Tierney]

It is my boyfriend, Black Louie. He is most bad man in Milwaukee. He kill everyone who makes friends with me.

[Musical Guest]

Hey, get away from that engine girl, or I'll plug you.

[Groucho Marx]

Hold on there. I'm G. Boone Marks. I'm a mighty tough hombre.

[Musical Guest]

Yeah, I'm Black Leo. I'm a mighty tough hamburger myself.

[Groucho Marx]

Listen, Black Leo, what you do? Put mustard on the hamburger? Listen, Black Leo, or Louie, whatever your name is, I love this year gal too. Let's talk it over man to man. Here, have a smoke.

[Musical Guest]

Thanks.

[Groucho Marx]

Match.

[Musical Guest]

N o, vice versa. With my gun.

[Groucho Marx]

Aren't you afraid you'll shoot your nose off?

[Musical Guest]

Ah, not me. Oh, well, things didn't smell any too good around here anyway.

[Groucho Marx]

I say, would you like another glass of my beer? Well, it's. It's great beer, partner, but not now. There's trouble a brewing. In that case, I must be off. Well, pah, pip pip, cheerio. And number 10 Downing street, not Downing Street. Downing Beer, isn't it?

[Musical Guest]

Look here, Chief. Look here, Chief. Boon Mark. Nobody takes a girl away from Fleck Leo without getting massacred. At the last gunfight I was in, I got my man and put their hand in the foot with one bullet.

[Groucho Marx]

Now, how could you do that?

[Musical Guest]

He was putting his socks on at the time.

[Gene Tierney]

Please do not fight over me. Indian girl does not want man to die because of her.

[Musical Guest]

I don't care. I'm a shooting.

[Groucho Marx]

And I am a shooting.

[Gene Tierney]

No, no.

[Announcer]

Stop.

[Groucho Marx]

Stop. Don't try to stop us. Injun gas. We're a shooting.

[Musical Guest]

Now go ahead and shoot.

[Groucho Marx]

Okay, I'm a shooting 2 buck.

[Musical Guest]

I got you covered, and I.

[Groucho Marx]

Yes, and I got you covered.

[Gene Tierney]

But what about engine?

[Musical Guest]

Girl, you got a blanket? Go cover yourself.

[Announcer]

Before we get together on a song, I'd like to remind all our neighbors that There are just two days left before the close of the $50,000 Pabst Post War Employment Awards competition. As many of you know, the Pabst Awards have been established in observance of the 100th anniversary of the founding of our business, which we are celebrating tonight. And they are offered for the best and most practical plans for solving the broad problems of post war employment in the United States. Thousands of entries have already been received, and additional contestants all over the country are putting the finishing touches on their manuscripts before mailing them to the awards committee. All entries must be postmarked not later than midnight on February 7, the day after the first tomorrow, and must comply with the official rules by which all contestants will be bound. And so, to all those contestants who have already sent in their post war employment plans, and to those whose entries will be sent in before the contest deadline, our sincere thanks for helping us in our endeavor to make a real and permanent contribution toward a better post war America through the Pabst Post War Employment Award. Well, getting back to Blue Ribbon Town. A couple of months ago, we entered the an original song on this program, which our neighbors showered with praise. And we're very happy to tell you that the song is just being published and our entire gang is standing by to sing it for you.

[Groucho Marx]

Now, if the waiter in a cafe doesn't bring a thing you order don't forget there's a war going on if your wifey rents the guest room To a most unwelcome border don't forget there's a war going on if your favorite manicure is guest time to do one hand and whenever you buy spinach they keep putting in more sand and the streetcars are so crowded Even men are forced to stand don't forget there's a war going on if you're slightly short of gasoline and can't go very far don't forget there's a war going on and you're paying now for herring what you paid for caviar don't forget there's a war going on if all the girls with whom you used to bill and coo and pet have joined the spas, the wax and waves and so the one you get Was chosen Miss America When General Grant was her cadet if you're beefing at conditions and you feel inclined to hoard don't forget there's a war going on and you made a few false statements to the local racing board Forget there's a war going on as our boys go off to foreign lands to fight courageously let's keep.

[Gene Tierney]

Helping them Relate them from the bonds.

[Groucho Marx]

Of slavery Keep on buying bonds for freedom Till the final victory Keep on backing the attack.

[Gene Tierney]

Well, Groucho, isn't it nice to be back in 1944?

[Groucho Marx]

Well, Engine Girl, I kind of wish we'd have stayed in 1844 a little longer.

[Gene Tierney]

Longer?

[Groucho Marx]

Yes. At least until after March 15th. There were no income tax blanks to try to figure out in them by days.

[Gene Tierney]

Well, it's been a lot of fun helping you celebrate Pabst's hundredth anniversary. Groucho.

[Groucho Marx]

We enjoyed having you, Jean. And don't forget, you're going to be with us at Fort Sheridan.

[Gene Tierney]

Oh, I won't forget, and I'm looking forward to it.

[Groucho Marx]

Soon, you're also going to be with us when we broadcast from Peoria next Saturday in celebration of Pap's hundredth anniversary.

[Gene Tierney]

But, Groucho, didn't we just finish celebrating Pabst 100th anniversary?

[Groucho Marx]

Not quite. You see, 100th anniversary means you keep celebrating for 100 years.

[Gene Tierney]

Oh, well, in that case, I'd better go home now and get some beauty sleep. I don't want people telling me I look like an old hag in 2044.

[Groucho Marx]

There's not much chance. Jeie my Queenie. Good night, neighbors, and good night, everybody.

[Gene Tierney]

Good night.

[Announcer]

So don't forget next week, Groucho Martin Company's lovely Jean Tierney again as our guest will be coming at you from Peoria, Illinois. So help us celebrate and come on down.

[Advocate for Tobacco Control]

Use of flavored tobacco by teens is a crisis. Tobacco companies use flavors like cotton candy, watermelon ice and cool mint to hook kids like me. They seem harmless, but they aren't. Addiction to nicotine sets us up for a lifetime of health problems. Organ legislators can do something about it. Passing Senate Bill 702A will keep flavored tobacco away from kids. But there are just a few short weeks left for lawmakers to act. Take action to protect kids like me@ flavorshookorgonkids.org paid for by the Campaign for Tobacco Free Kids Action Fund.

[Musical Guest]

Trip planner by Expedia.

[Groucho Marx]

You were made to have strong opinions about sand.

[Musical Guest]

We were made to help you and your friends find a place on the.

[Groucho Marx]

Beach with a pool and a marina and a waterfall and a soaking tub. Expedia made to travel.