Blue Ribbon Town 44-02-12 (x) America One Hundred Years in the Future

Summary

Summary of "Blue Ribbon Town 44-02-12 (x) America One Hundred Years in the Future"

Podcast Title: Harold's Old Time Radio
Host: Harold's Old Time Radio
Episode: Blue Ribbon Town 44-02-12 (x) America One Hundred Years in the Future
Release Date: July 7, 2025

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Introduction

Blue Ribbon Town transports listeners to a nostalgic era, reminiscent of the Golden Age of Radio. This episode, titled "America One Hundred Years in the Future," delves into a comedic and futuristic narrative featuring beloved characters such as Groucho Marx, Dean Kearney, Gene Kearney, Leo Dorsey, and Faye Mackenzie. Set against the backdrop of celebrating a century of Pabst Brewing, the episode intertwines humor, satire, and futuristic musings.

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Setting Off to Peoria

The episode begins with Groucho Marx introducing the festivities celebrating the 100th anniversary of Pabst Brewing. The scene is set at the Shrine Mosque in Peoria, Illinois, with an enthusiastic audience of 2,000.

• Groucho Marx [00:17]: "From the Shrine Mosque in Peoria, Illinois, in front of an audience of 2,000..."

The characters prepare to board a bus to Peoria, engaging in witty banter and playful interactions.

• Groucho Marx [01:20]: "And no wonder. Oh, what a girl. What eyes, what lips, what teeth."

Jean Kearney joins the group, charmingly engaging with Groucho, leading to humorous exchanges about autographs and mistaken personal information.

• Jean Kearney [03:19]: "I was just thinking about the wonderful party the cats people gave us. Oh, gosh, it was fun."

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Bus Trouble and Comedic Chaos

As the group boards the bus, chaos ensues when it becomes clear that Leo Dorsey is not driving the bus despite being responsible for transportation.

• Groucho Marx [04:09]: "So here's your bus to Peoria. So long."

Bill Dave Robert Armbruster announces his draft notice, adding to the comedic disarray.

• Bill Dave Robert Armbruster [05:24]: "Before our next hundred year party, I wouldn't be surprised."

Leo Dorsey attempts to take control, assuring everyone he'll manage the journey.

• Leo Dorsey [04:55]: "I'll drive the whole bunch of you to Peoria."

The bus swiftly encounters mechanical issues, leading to a humorous exploration of what’s wrong with the vehicle.

• Jean Kearney [10:08]: "I just left it a few days. We're out of gas."

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Futuristic Musings and Family Dynamics

The conversation shifts toward a vision of America in 2044, highlighting technological advancements and societal changes.

• Jean Kearney [13:28]: "I think a hundred years from now will really be the mechanical age. Robots will do all our work and we'll fly from planet to planet."

Groucho humorously envisions the typical American family in the future, blending satire with futuristic imagination.

• Groucho Marx [13:36]: "I can just picture the typical American family in the year 2044..."

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The Heartbreak and Love Triangle

A pivotal moment unfolds as Jean Kearney reveals her infidelity, expressing her love for Ronald Robot, a mechanical man. This confession leads to comedic yet heartfelt reactions from Groucho.

• Jean Kearney [19:14]: "I love another man."
• Groucho Marx [21:22]: "Pretty wavy. A waste mess of steel wool I've never seen."

Jean’s affection for Ronald Robot juxtaposes Groucho’s realization of his own mechanical attachment to Roberta Robot, highlighting themes of love and modernization.

• Groucho Marx [22:27]: "I too am in love with a robot. My steel secretary, Roberta Robot."
• Jean Kearney [23:05]: "You can't prefer this mechanical maiden to me."

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Conclusion and Farewell

As the bus journey concludes, the group reflects on their experiences and looks forward to future events, including a war bond rally in Topeka and the anticipated visit from Orson Welles.

• Groucho Marx [26:51]: "Well, Gene, it's time to say good night."
• Jean Kearney [27:06]: "Not for the world."

The episode wraps up with playful goodbyes and promotional mentions, maintaining the light-hearted tone throughout.

• Groucho Marx [27:35]: "Ah, Peoria. My uncle used to live in Peoria. He was a poet..."

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Notable Quotes

1. Groucho Marx [00:17]: "From the Shrine Mosque in Peoria, Illinois, in front of an audience of 2,000..."
2. Jean Kearney [13:28]: "I think a hundred years from now will really be the mechanical age. Robots will do all our work and we'll fly from planet to planet."
3. Jean Kearney [19:14]: "I love another man."
4. Groucho Marx [22:27]: "I too am in love with a robot. My steel secretary, Roberta Robot."
5. Jean Kearney [23:05]: "You can't prefer this mechanical maiden to me."
6. Groucho Marx [27:35]: "Ah, Peoria. My uncle used to live in Peoria. He was a poet..."

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Themes and Insights

• Nostalgia vs. Modernity: The episode beautifully juxtaposes the charm of old-time radio with futuristic elements, creating a bridge between past and future.
• Humor in Relationships: The comedic portrayal of love triangles involving humans and robots offers a satirical take on modern relationships and technological integration.
• Celebration of Legacy: The 100th anniversary of Pabst Brewing serves as a centerpiece, emphasizing tradition amidst changing times.

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Conclusion

"America One Hundred Years in the Future" is a delightful blend of humor, nostalgia, and speculative fiction. Through engaging dialogues and witty exchanges, the episode offers listeners a memorable journey that honors the essence of old-time radio while playfully envisioning the future of America. Whether you're a long-time fan or a newcomer, this episode promises entertainment and thoughtful reflection on the interplay between tradition and innovation.

Transcript

[Groucho Marx]

Packages by Expedia. You were made to be rechargeable.

[Bill Dave Robert Armbruster]

We were made to package flights, hotels and hammocks for less.

[Groucho Marx]

Expedia.

[Bill Dave Robert Armbruster]

Made to travel.

[Groucho Marx]

From the Shrine Mosque in Peoria, Illinois, in front of an.

[Bill Dave Robert Armbruster]

Audience of 2,000, helping us celebrate our 100th anniversary.

[Groucho Marx]

Tap blue Ribbon Beer presents Blue Ribbon Town. So starring Groucho Marx with his gorgeous guest, the 20th Century Fox glamour star, Dean Kearney. With lovely Gene Kearney as our traveling companion on our War Bond and Service Camp tour. There's plenty of good music and merriment in Blue Ribbon Town tonight. Very present and accounted for are Faye Mackenzie, Leo Dorsey, Bill Dave Robert Robert.

[Bill Dave Robert Armbruster]

Armbruster and his Blue Ribbon Blenders.

[Groucho Marx]

Yours truly, Gerber Kirby. And here at the station, waiting for a bus to take his troop to Peoria, is our train. Happy bus. Happy paps. Happy host, Groucho Marx. Well, here's the bus station. I don't want anybody wandering off and getting lost. Where's my little glamour baby? Jean? Fanny. Oh, she's down at the end of.

[Bill Dave Robert Armbruster]

The station surrounded by autograph hunters as usual.

[Groucho Marx]

And no wonder. Oh, what a girl. What eyes, what lips, what teeth. She's got the teeth and she's giving me the brush. Well, here she is, neighbors. A glorious girl of form divine. My favorite pin of Valentine.

[Leo Dorsey]

A Jean.

[Jean Kearney]

A penny. Hello, Gracio. Were you looking for me?

[Groucho Marx]

Yes, I was looking for you. I looked in every nook and cranny. By the way, I got a letter from my cranny this morning. She's coming home for the holidays.

[Jean Kearney]

Oh, Groucho, how you talk.

[Groucho Marx]

How I talk? Very easy. I just open my mouth and out it flows. Of course, sometimes when it flows out too fast, it washes my bridge out. Well, everybody's here but Gorthy. Where is that bozo? In Brooklyn.

[Leo Dorsey]

Hiya, Marcy.

[Groucho Marx]

Well, Dorothy, where were you?

[Leo Dorsey]

Oh, I just find some stuff Russ.

[Groucho Marx]

Eat on the bus.

[Leo Dorsey]

You know, candy and peanuts.

[Groucho Marx]

Did you get any hot popcorn?

[Leo Dorsey]

Okay, Marcy, none of this stuff is hot. And paid for it on the square anyhow. I don't want to converse with you. Where's my little baby McKenzie?

[Groucho Marx]

Your little thing?

[Leo Dorsey]

Yeah, I really go for that win. Why, when I'm the herd, I can't talk. I can't say a word. In fact, I'm unspeakable.

[Groucho Marx]

You certainly are. Say, Jean, they really showed us a wonderful time in Milwaukee.

[Jean Kearney]

Yes, they did, Groucho. And wasn't that a lovely dance that half people gave to celebrate their 100th anniversary?

[Groucho Marx]

Yes, it Was. I certainly enjoy dancing. Ah, Gene, you dance like a fawn. And I ought to know. I used to be a game warden. Some porn, eh, Gene? Shall we dance?

[Jean Kearney]

Oh, look, Groucho, here comes Fay MacKenzie.

[Groucho Marx]

Ah, hello, Fay.

[Jean Kearney]

What?

[Groucho Marx]

Interesting woman, isn't J? What are you daydreaming about?

[Jean Kearney]

I was just thinking about the wonderful party the cats people gave us. Oh, gosh, it was fun.

[Groucho Marx]

Yes, I noticed you were pretty popular at the party. Signing autographs and everything. By the way, when the sponsor son asked you for your autograph, I noticed you put down your phone number, too.

[Jean Kearney]

Phone number? That was my Social Security number.

[Groucho Marx]

No wonder every time I rang your room, I got Morgenthau.

[Leo Dorsey]

Hey, Moxie, look at me. I'm all set for the fuzz trip. I just bought this book to read. It's the words of Charles Dickens. In fact, I just started one of his favorite stories.

[Groucho Marx]

Which one?

[Leo Dorsey]

The one about that fella's girlfriend.

[Groucho Marx]

What fella's girlfriend?

[Leo Dorsey]

You know, Oliver's Twist.

[Jean Kearney]

Sanjo. Here comes the bus.

[Bill Dave Robert Armbruster]

Mr. Mark?

[Faye Mackenzie]

Yes.

[Groucho Marx]

So here's your bus to Peoria. So long. Hey, man, wait a minute. Bus driver, aren't you going to drive us to Peoria? I'm sorry.

[Bill Dave Robert Armbruster]

I just got my notice for my draft award.

[Groucho Marx]

Well, how about your wife taking your place as a bus driver?

[Bill Dave Robert Armbruster]

Just taking my place? I've been taking her. She joined the wax last April.

[Groucho Marx]

You're a little wacky yourself. Now, how are we going to get to Peoria?

[Leo Dorsey]

Marcy, you ain't got a thing to worry about. I'll drive the whole bunch of you to Peoria.

[Groucho Marx]

You? Well, Gorcy, you don't know anything about a bus.

[Leo Dorsey]

Who doesn't? I was a bus boy for three years. Come on, gang, on to Peoria.

[Groucho Marx]

You know, Kobe, there's one nice thing about working for a company that operates two big breweries. We get in on two big hundredth anniversary parties. Last week, Milwaukee. Tonight, Peoria. Tomorrow, the world.

[Bill Dave Robert Armbruster]

Yes, Groucho. It'll be a long, long time, Groucho. Before our next hundred year party, I wouldn't be surprised. But there's one thing that we do think we ought to say. For a full century, our company has grown and prospered because we've always brewed and sold quality beers. Beers that were honestly made. Beers that were honestly sold. Premium beers.

[Groucho Marx]

Aw.

[Bill Dave Robert Armbruster]

That have made fast and loyal friends not only here in America, but in other countries, other continents, in faraway lands all over the world. And today, you enjoy the best beer that all our hundred years of Brewing skill can produce Pabst Blue Ribbon, a delicious blend of 33 fine brews with the smooth, satisfying flavor that only full flavor blending can achieve. Well, neighbors, while we're on the bus to Peoria, we know of no more pleasant way of spending the time than listening to Bobby Armbruster, his orchestra and the Blue Ribbon Blenders as they present that musical epic of double talk.

[Groucho Marx]

Merzy dosy dosy dos and little lambsy Diving a tiddly divy do one if the words sound queer and funny to your ear A little bit jumble and jivey Sing there. Sing Oats and goatsky Oats and little lamb D I V old There's a goats nosey goats a little lamb to dive a tiddly divy do what you A kiddly divy do what you. Hey, gorcey gorcey Stop driving so fast. Take your time.

[Leo Dorsey]

Yeah, keep your shirt on. Don't worry about a ding. I'm handling this bus just like a baby.

[Groucho Marx]

Like a baby. Well, I think it's time to make a change. If you hadn't gotten around that last curve so fast, you could have picked up that hitchhiker at the hot dog stand.

[Leo Dorsey]

I did pick him up.

[Groucho Marx]

You did?

[Faye Mackenzie]

Yeah.

[Leo Dorsey]

Who do you think that isn't a front bumper wiping the mustard off his pussy?

[Groucho Marx]

If you continue driving this fast, you're gonna ruin the tires.

[Leo Dorsey]

Oh, I'm driving careful, Marcy. With these tires, I gotta go slow. Get made out of that new kind of stuff. You know, sympathetic rubber.

[Groucho Marx]

Sympathetic rubber? I've been driving a car for years and my tires never showed any emotion. Of course, they blow up once in a while. Oh, Jean.

[Leo Dorsey]

Gene Tenney.

[Groucho Marx]

Where are you?

[Jean Kearney]

I'm here, Groucho, in the back of the bus.

[Groucho Marx]

Can I come over and sit next to Eugene?

[Jean Kearney]

Well, I don't know, Groucho. There's only room for one.

[Groucho Marx]

Well.

[Jean Kearney]

Well, you're not the one.

[Groucho Marx]

Hello, Mr. Marks. Hello, Ms. Tierney.

[Jean Kearney]

Hello, Bill. Won't you sit down here next to me?

[Leo Dorsey]

Thank you, Ms. Tierney.

[Groucho Marx]

I'd love to. Dean, how is it that you wouldn't let me sit next to you? And you're asking Bill to.

[Jean Kearney]

Well, there are so many things I like about Bill. He has such nice manners.

[Groucho Marx]

Well, I have nice manners too.

[Jean Kearney]

And Bill sings so sweetly.

[Groucho Marx]

Well, I sing sweetly too.

[Jean Kearney]

And Bill is so good looking.

[Groucho Marx]

Well, don't have to laugh quite so loud at that.

[Jean Kearney]

Oh, you shouldn't worry about it, Groucho. I'm sure that somewhere. Someplace there's a girl for you.

[Groucho Marx]

You Mean, you really think there's a girl who would learn to love me, Jean?

[Jean Kearney]

Oh, yes, Groucho. You know what they say, it takes all kinds of people to make a world.

[Groucho Marx]

Gee, I didn't know it took those kind. Gossie. Gorsey, what's wrong with the bus?

[Leo Dorsey]

Hell, no, Marcy. Maybe before I left, I should have had the battery discharged.

[Groucho Marx]

And before I left, I should have had you discharged.

[Leo Dorsey]

Don't worry, Moxie. Don't worry about nothing. I'll have to spoil a fix in the jiffy. I'll go out and clean the plugs.

[Groucho Marx]

From what I've heard, the plugs have been cleaning.

[Leo Dorsey]

You see anything wrong with the motor, Leo? Can't tell yet, but I'll soon find out. You know, I got a mechanic's mind.

[Groucho Marx]

Yeah, well, it's too bad you didn't bring the rest of them along, too.

[Leo Dorsey]

Do you suppose it could be the radiator?

[Groucho Marx]

Hey, it might be the accelerator.

[Leo Dorsey]

Nah, it's the bike carburetor.

[Groucho Marx]

I think it's the degenerator. And Dorty, you can take that personally.

[Jean Kearney]

Say, Groucho, I know what's wrong with the car.

[Groucho Marx]

Sure enough.

[Jean Kearney]

I just left it a few days. We're out of gas.

[Leo Dorsey]

Out of gas? Out of gas. That's funny. I put in two gallons. You know, Mr. Marks, here's a remarkable coincidence.

[Groucho Marx]

Where I don't see any.

[Leo Dorsey]

I mean, today is Lincoln's birthday, and.

[Groucho Marx]

Here we are traveling through the part.

[Edward Kirby]

Of the United States known as the Lincoln Country.

[Leo Dorsey]

Just think, Abe Lincoln might have trudged on this very road and he became President.

[Groucho Marx]

Dorsey, how would you like to be president?

[Leo Dorsey]

President?

[Jean Kearney]

Sure.

[Leo Dorsey]

That sounds like pretty steady.

[Groucho Marx]

Steady? It's a lifetime job.

[Leo Dorsey]

Anyway, what's running out of gas got to do with me becoming president?

[Groucho Marx]

Well, Lincoln used to walk 15 miles for a book along this road before he became president. All you have to do is walk 10 miles for a book. My C book.

[Bill Dave Robert Armbruster]

While our blue ribbon towners wait for future President Gorcey to return with Groucho Seabook, Faye Mackenzie has some sound advice for a way to save fuel this winter. Cuddle up a little closer. Thanks.

[Faye Mackenzie]

Cuddle up a little closer Love him.

[Jean Kearney]

Cuddle up and feed my little clinging bond. Like to feel your cheeks so rosy. Like to make you comfy, cozy. Cause I love from head to toes.

[Faye Mackenzie]

Loving my.

[Bill Dave Robert Armbruster]

Sa.

[Jean Kearney]

From head to toe.

[Groucho Marx]

Hey, Gene, wasn't it fun last week in Milwaukee picturing life 100 years ago when Pabst Place started?

[Jean Kearney]

Oh, yes, it was Groucho. By the way, does Peoria go back that far, too?

[Groucho Marx]

Does Peoria go that far back? Why, Peoria goes back all the way to Bloomington.

[Jean Kearney]

Anyhow, I think a hundred years from now will really be the mechanical age. Robots will do all our work and we'll fly from planet to planet.

[Groucho Marx]

Yes, of course, we'll have to plan it that way. I can. I can just picture the typical American family in the year 2044. The little woman is waiting for her husband g futuristic marks to come home from the pool room. From the office, she is talking to her neighbor on the television phone.

[Jean Kearney]

Hello, Mary. Oh, what a cute dress you have on. Don't stand so close, you. Your television phone. I want to see the skirts. Oh, my, it's. Darling, I'm sorry I didn't call you sooner, but I was over in London this morning trying to get my hair waved. No, I couldn't. You know how things are in Europe. Nothing permanent. I'm accepting Groucho any minute now. He usually flies home from the office about this time in the heliocopter. Yes, he makes wonderful speed. He has an awful lot of trouble landing the thing. Oh, I think I hear him now. Uh. Oh, that's Groucho, all right. He's come through the roof again.

[Groucho Marx]

Hello there. Anybody home?

[Jean Kearney]

Oh, Groucho, you're so careless. Why do you always come through the roof this way?

[Groucho Marx]

Because I like an open house. Now, don't aggravate me, dear. I just got a ticket on the way home for speeding. That darn sky patrol cop was hiding in a cloud. I would have gotten away from him too, but he caught me with my wing flaps down. Well, let's go into dinner.

[Jean Kearney]

Wait. Before we go into dinner, I have something important to tell you. Something very important.

[Groucho Marx]

Let's not discuss it now. I've had a hard day at the office. Business is terrible.

[Jean Kearney]

But this is more important than business.

[Groucho Marx]

There is nothing more important than business. Especially when business is terrible.

[Jean Kearney]

Oh, that's all you think about. Business, business, business.

[Groucho Marx]

What did you say?

[Jean Kearney]

I said business, business, business.

[Groucho Marx]

Yeah, that's more business than I've done the last 20 years. Gene, we might as well face it. For a long time now, I've. I've had my back against the wall.

[Jean Kearney]

You mean because business is so bad?

[Groucho Marx]

No, because my back edges.

[Jean Kearney]

Stop being facetious, Groucho, and listen to me.

[Groucho Marx]

Yes, Jeannie.

[Jean Kearney]

Well, we've been married a good many years.

[Groucho Marx]

Oh, it's longer than that.

[Jean Kearney]

Yes, it is. That's why it hurts me so to have to Tell you this, you see.

[Groucho Marx]

Well, hello, hello, hello.

[Edward Kirby]

And how are we this fine and lovely evening? I knew you were home. Just saw you drop in through the roof. Thought I'd drop in too, only I like to do things the hard way. That's why I came through the door. Of course, we're all entitled to our own way of life, don't you think so? Well, I think I don't agree with you, but we'll discuss that later. I want to introduce myself. I represent the Fly by Night Helicopter Company. Our newest model is a sensation of the stratosphere. It has great maneuverability. Goes up, down, backwards and sideways. Of course, it won't go frontwards, but we're working on that. Can't expect miracles, you know.

[Groucho Marx]

No, but.

[Edward Kirby]

But I don't mean to think that's what you think. Ah, it's wonderful to be able to fly one of our machines. You soar among the clouds just like you were an angel. In fact, most of our customers are angels. But don't let that worry a. Life insurance policies are standard equipment with our helicopters.

[Groucho Marx]

But I already have.

[Edward Kirby]

Don't stop there. Don't stand there grilling like a school girl when I've got work to do.

[Groucho Marx]

Sign the order.

[Edward Kirby]

Never mind, I'll sign it for you.

[Groucho Marx]

There.

[Edward Kirby]

Oh, my ma, you have terrible handwriting. Well, so long.

[Jean Kearney]

Groucho. Now that he's gone, I'd like to tell you what's on my mind.

[Groucho Marx]

Oh, don't bother me with trifles now, I. I want to relax. Let's turn on the television radio set and see what's on the air.

[Bill Dave Robert Armbruster]

And here in his parlor at 33 Blue Ribbon Lane is our Pabs Happy.

[Groucho Marx]

Home Host Groucho Mark D. Is he still on the air? That man must be 150 years old. And that's pretty near as old as his jokes.

[Jean Kearney]

But I hear he doesn't chase women like he used to.

[Groucho Marx]

No, he doesn't. Now he chases them in a jet propelled wheelchair. By the way, where's our son Leo?

[Jean Kearney]

Oh, he'll be home soon. He went to visit one of his girlfriends on another planet.

[Groucho Marx]

Did you let him take the family rocket ship again? He's always making believe he's running out of powder so he can park a neck.

[Jean Kearney]

Well, he's young. What's wrong with that?

[Groucho Marx]

Nothing. But on his last date he parked on the Milky Way so long he came home homogenized.

[Jean Kearney]

Groucho, you listen to me. It's very important.

[Leo Dorsey]

Well, here I am, madder and patter.

[Groucho Marx]

I can Hear the patter? But what's the matter? About time you got home? What on Earth have you been doing?

[Leo Dorsey]

On Earth?

[Groucho Marx]

Nothing.

[Leo Dorsey]

But I just had a heck of a time with the same on Jupiter.

[Groucho Marx]

Heck of a time with that line too, huh? Well, by Jupiter, why are you so late?

[Leo Dorsey]

Well, the dame wanted me to meet her family. And you know them people on Jupiter. They all have six pairs of arms.

[Groucho Marx]

That still doesn't explain why you're late.

[Leo Dorsey]

By the time you get through shaking hands with them people, it ain't exactly oily. And that reminds me, Pop, her old man wants you to come up to Jupiter so he can meet you.

[Groucho Marx]

Oh, fine. But I'm not quite sure how to get to Jupiter.

[Leo Dorsey]

That's a priest. Just head for the Milky Way, see?

[Groucho Marx]

Yeah, the Milky Way.

[Leo Dorsey]

And keep going till you get the satin to satin. Then take a shortcut through the big diaper. A dipper.

[Groucho Marx]

You must have come by way of Pennsylvania.

[Leo Dorsey]

Anyhow. Then you just keep going straight ahead.

[Groucho Marx]

Yeah. And will that get me to Jupiter?

[Leo Dorsey]

Might get you there. Personally, I always wind up in Chillicothe. So long, cranky puss. Don't park in any cloud banks.

[Groucho Marx]

You're welcome.

[Jean Kearney]

Groucho.

[Groucho Marx]

Yes, Jean?

[Jean Kearney]

I've been trying to tell you ever since you came home.

[Groucho Marx]

Yes, Jean?

[Jean Kearney]

I love another.

[Groucho Marx]

Another what?

[Jean Kearney]

Another man.

[Groucho Marx]

What? After all these years, my own wife, the mother of my backward child.

[Bill Dave Robert Armbruster]

In.

[Groucho Marx]

Love with another man. Oh, I wish I were dead. Dead, do you hear me? Dead. Now, isn't that silly? If I were dead, how could she hear me? But, Jeannie, you. You can't mean that you're really leaving me?

[Jean Kearney]

Yes, I am, Groucho. And I hope you'll take it like a man or reasonable facsimile thereof.

[Groucho Marx]

Oh, this is breaking my heart. It's more than I can bear. More than I can bear.

[Jean Kearney]

Oh, please, Groucho, don't cry. Calm yourself. There, there.

[Groucho Marx]

What have I done to deserve this kind of treatment? Oh, this is more than I can bear. More than I can.

[Jean Kearney]

Oh, Groucho, don't carry on that way. You'll get over it, really you will. Ah, shut up.

[Groucho Marx]

Oh, this is more than I can bear. More than I can bear. I must be pretty bad by now. But tell me, who is this scoundrel who has come between us?

[Jean Kearney]

Ronald Robot.

[Groucho Marx]

Ronald Robot? You mean you're in love with a mechanical man? That's unheard of.

[Jean Kearney]

Oh, don't be so old fashioned. A lot of women love men of steel. Don't Forget, this is 2044.

[Groucho Marx]

2044?

[Jean Kearney]

Yes, 2044.

[Groucho Marx]

Is that but two pair of pants?

[Jean Kearney]

Oh, here comes Ronald now. Ah, here he is. My Ronald. My magnificent, masterful mechanical man.

[Bill Dave Robert Armbruster]

Darling, I love you.

[Groucho Marx]

Quiet, you rusty Romeo. Gene, how can you possibly leave me for this fugitive from a scrap metal drive?

[Bill Dave Robert Armbruster]

Darling, I love you.

[Jean Kearney]

Oh, he's so tall and so handsome. Groucho. Look at his beautiful wavy hair.

[Groucho Marx]

Beautiful wavy. A waste mess of steel wool I've never seen. That guy's just a hunk of junk.

[Bill Dave Robert Armbruster]

Darling, I love you. Darling, I love you.

[Groucho Marx]

Brilliant conversationalist. Why you tin horn two timer. I'll get a can opener and cut your heart out.

[Jean Kearney]

Please, Groucho. Oh, Ronald, I'm sorry you've been subjected to this humiliation. Will you forgive me?

[Bill Dave Robert Armbruster]

Darling, I love you. Darling, I love you. Darling, I love you.

[Groucho Marx]

Certainly a one track lover. Gene, what's happened to your boyfriend?

[Jean Kearney]

He's run down, poor fellow.

[Groucho Marx]

Why don't you take him to the garage and have his motor overhauled?

[Jean Kearney]

That's just what I'll do, smarty.

[Groucho Marx]

Gene, you'll never be happy with that metal man. You're bound to have a scrap.

[Jean Kearney]

You can't. You can't talk me out of it. I'm leaving.

[Groucho Marx]

Well, while you're gone, here's something for you to think about. I too am in love with a robot. My steel secretary, Roberta Robot.

[Jean Kearney]

Roberta Robot.

[Groucho Marx]

Robota Robot.

[Jean Kearney]

Why, why, she's Ronald's sister. I certainly don't know what you can see in her. The hussy.

[Groucho Marx]

Ah, Robota Robot. What a wonderful girl. 112 pounds of galvanized glamour. She's got the tin I love to touch.

[Jean Kearney]

Groucho, this can't be true. You can't prefer this ridiculous robot girl to me. After all, I'm a woman. I'm alive. I have real eyes to see with real hand to hold, real lips to kiss. You can't prefer this mechanical maiden to me.

[Groucho Marx]

Ah, but I do.

[Jean Kearney]

But why?

[Groucho Marx]

Well, there's one great thing that I can do with her that I can never do with you.

[Jean Kearney]

What's that?

[Groucho Marx]

I can trade her in every year on a new model.

[Bill Dave Robert Armbruster]

Well, here we are back in the 20th century, and this is Edward Kirby, taking just a moment for Papa to thank all those who sent in their post war employment plans in competition for the $50,000 PABS Post War Employment Awards. The competition closed last Monday, and as you can guess, this has been a mighty busy week at the awards committee headquarters. Thousands of manuscripts have already been received, and although all entries had to be postmarked not later than midnight last Monday, the mails are still bringing in additional plans from far away places, not only in America, but from Americans and other countries as well. And we of Pabst take real pride in the tremendous response the Pabst Awards have brought forth. And we are most hopeful that the competition established in observance of the 100th anniversary of the founding of our business, will make a real contribution toward a better post war America. And so again, to all the competitors for the Pabst Awards, our sincere thanks for your part in making the awards an unqualified success. Well, neighbors, returning to Blue Ribbon Town, we hear Bill Days entertaining the jam packed crowd in Peori Auditorium by singing one of their old favorites, I see your face before me, Bill.

[Faye Mackenzie]

I discovered somebody who could be truly worthy and true. Yes, I met my ideal when I met you. I see your face before me crowding my every dream. There is your face before me. You are my only. It doesn't matter where you are. I can see how fair you are. I close my eyes and there you are always. If you could share them ideas, if you could see me too There would be nothing tragic in all my dreams of you. Would that my love could haunt you so knowing I want.

[Groucho Marx]

You so.

[Faye Mackenzie]

I can erase your beautiful face before me. I can erase your beautiful face.

[Groucho Marx]

Well, Gene, it's time to say good night. And I want to tell you how nice it's been having you with us on our trip.

[Jean Kearney]

Oh, thank you, Groucho and I've had a lot of fun. Where do we go from here?

[Groucho Marx]

Well, the governor of Kansas has invited us to a big war bond rally in Topeka next Monday. You wouldn't want to miss that, would you, Jean?

[Jean Kearney]

Not for the world. And then next Saturday, you'll be back on your own home ground, back in Blue Ribbon Town, won't you?

[Groucho Marx]

Yes, and I'll be glad to get back. Despite the fact that I like Peoria. I just got a wire from Orson Welles and he promises to come to Blue Ribbon Town next week to welcome us. So for tonight, this is the end. Or as Shakespeare would say, Orson Welles that ends Wells. Good night, Tinny old gal.

[Jean Kearney]

Good night, drought, you old boy, parting.

[Groucho Marx]

Is such sweet sorrow.

[Jean Kearney]

Good night, everybody.

[Groucho Marx]

Good night, everyone.

[Bill Dave Robert Armbruster]

Remember, it's Orson Wells with Groucho Marx & Co.

[Groucho Marx]

In Blue Ribbon Town next Saturday. So come on down. Come on down.

[Bill Dave Robert Armbruster]

Dean Kearney appeared on this program through the courtesy of 20th Century Fox. This program was directed by Dick Mack and was brought to you by the Pabst Brewing Company of Milwaukee, Wisconsin, and Peoria, Illinois.

[Groucho Marx]

Ah, Peoria. My. My uncle used to live in Peoria. He was a poet. They called him the Bard of Peoria. They did? Yes. He was barred from every joint in town. Oh. Well, good night, neighbors.

[Bill Dave Robert Armbruster]

This is the Columbia Broadcasting.