Blue Ribbon Town 44-02-26 (x) Everyone Want's To Quit Groucho's Show

Summary

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Podcast Summary: Harold's Old Time Radio

Episode: Blue Ribbon Town 44-02-26 – “Everyone Wants To Quit Groucho's Show”

Host: Harolds Old Time Radio
Date: January 19, 2026
Original Airdate: February 26, 1944
Special Guest: Jack Benny

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Episode Overview

This classic episode of Blue Ribbon Town features Groucho Marx as host, welcoming famed comedian Jack Benny for a visit. The central comedic thread is the recurring chaos that erupts as every regular cast member tries to abandon Groucho's show for a coveted spot on Jack Benny's more glamorous radio program. The episode combines running gags, musical numbers, witty banter, and meta-radio humor, all delivered in the rapid-fire, tongue-in-cheek style typical of the era's top radio comedies.

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Key Discussion Points & Highlights

1. Jack Benny’s Arrival and Groucho’s Instructions

• [01:07–04:40] Groucho and his Blue Ribbon Town “family” eagerly anticipate Jack Benny’s visit. Groucho insists that no one mention radio around Jack, hoping to give him a break from his radio work stress.
• Groucho jokes about Jack charging guests and serving a “turkey made out of grape nut flakes.”
  • "That was the first turkey I ever ate, made out of grape nut flakes." — Groucho ([02:27])

2. Groucho’s “Happy Family” and Radio Rivalry

• [03:48–04:40] The cast play up their feigned affection for each other in melodramatic fashion, setting up the “family” gag that continues throughout the episode.
• Groucho delivers a string of jabs about Jack’s long tenure on radio and cautions the “family” not to tempt Jack into talking shop.

3. Musical Interlude

• [05:13–07:06] Faye sings “Suddenly It Springs” from the film Lady in the Dark, offering a break from the comedic banter with a touch of 1940s musical charm.

4. Comic Fortune-telling & Sponsor Plug

• [07:06–09:16] Simon the Swami, a comic “crystal gazer,” appears for a tongue-in-cheek segment that quickly blends into an ad for Pabst Blue Ribbon beer.

5. Jack Benny’s Introduction & Running Gags

• [09:16–11:35] Jack Benny arrives, expressing his relief at escaping radio talk. Groucho mischievously attempts to distract Jack with snacks—pouring beer over his grape nut flakes—and to discuss “anything but radio,” quickly leading to gags about past loves and vaudeville days.
  • "To me, you're just a friend. I never regarded you as a radio comedian." — Jack Benny ([10:03])
  • "Don't look now, Jack, but you just lost a friend." — Groucho ([10:09])

6. Everyone Wants to Join Jack’s Show

• [12:02–22:16]
  • Bill Days, the tenor, tries to audition for Jack's program and offers to work for progressively less money, poking fun at radio salaries.
    • "With tenors, you always have mother trouble. Tenors just seem to have mothers. I can't imagine why." — Jack Benny ([16:12])
  • Ken Niles, the announcer, throws himself at Jack, auditioning for Don Wilson’s spot with old joke set-ups:
    • "You know, Jack, Don Wilson's not laughing like he used to. That booming quality, that wonderful chuckle ... he just doesn't have it anymore." — Ken Niles ([18:00])
  • Gorsy tries to oust Phil Harris, claiming Benny needs more “class, refinement, and education” on his show, humorously deriding Harris’s grammar and style.
• Groucho laments, “That’s the second traitor who wants to desert me. Isn’t this a fine rest I’m having away from radio?" ([21:30])

7. Flirtation with Faye / Daisy

• [22:16–24:25] Faye McKenzie lays on a thick, tongue-in-cheek flirtation with Jack Benny, who plays along, mock-offering her a “position” (which she takes as a job offer).
  • "You can call me Daisy." — Faye ([23:20])
  • "Well, then you can call me Jackse Poo." — Jack Benny ([23:28])
  • Ultimately, Jack clarifies he's not recruiting, poking fun at his own fame and the relentless job solicitations.

8. Meta-Commentary & Running Jokes

• [24:25–End] The show pokes fun at radio convention, with phone calls going wrong, repeated asides to the audience, and Groucho’s over-the-top sadness about his friends’ disloyalty.
  • "Without the loyalty, without the faith of those one holds dear, life becomes nothing but a hollow mockery..." — Groucho ([25:36])
  • Jack dryly: "I wouldn't try so hard, Groucho. It's too late for the Academy Award." ([25:54])

9. Patriotic Public Service Announcement

• [26:02–27:15] The program features a PSA encouraging listeners to file their income taxes early, reminding us of the show’s wartime context.

10. Farewells, Callbacks, and Final Gags

• [27:15–End] Groucho and Jack exchange sarcastic farewells and meta-jokes about their show’s “clever” closing lines, sustaining the episode’s satirical edge until the very end.

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• "That was the first time I ever sat in a rocking chair with a meter on it." — Groucho ([02:09])
• "It was the first turkey I ever ate made out of grape nut flakes." — Groucho ([02:27])
• "I just want to sit here and relax. No walking. No fishing. Well, back to women again." — Groucho ([11:29])
• "With tenors, you always have mother trouble. Tenors just seem to have mothers." — Benny ([16:12])
• "Jack, the word 'radio' isn’t ever going to be mentioned around here." — Groucho ([10:44])
• "That's the second traitor who wants to desert me. Isn't this a fine rest I'm having away from radio." — Groucho ([21:30])
• "You can call me Daisy... Well, you can call me Jackse Poo." — Faye and Jack ([23:28])
• "Faith, semper fidelis is discouraging." — Groucho ([25:20])
• "I wouldn't try so hard, Groucho. It's too late for the Academy Award." — Jack Benny ([25:54])
• "Do you really know how to fill out those income tax forms? Oh yes. In fact, I helped Dorothy Lamour with her income tax last year and you know how well her form is filled out." — Groucho ([29:15])

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Timestamps for Key Segments

• [01:07] – Show intro, cast rolls, anticipation of Benny's visit.
• [02:24] – Groucho discusses Jack Benny’s turkey dinner made of grape nut flakes.
• [03:48] – “Happy little family” gag.
• [04:41] – Groucho forbids talk of radio with Jack Benny.
• [05:13] – Musical Interlude: “Suddenly It Springs.”
• [09:16] – Jack Benny arrives and is welcomed.
• [12:02] – Bill Days auditions for Jack.
• [17:00] – Ken Niles tries to replace Don Wilson.
• [21:30] – Groucho laments his friends’ disloyalty.
• [22:16] – Faye (Daisy) flirts with Jack Benny.
• [25:36] – Groucho’s faux-dramatic lament.
• [26:02] – Patriotic PSA: File Your Taxes Early.
• [28:45] – Benny and Groucho’s closing meta-jokes.

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Tone and Style

The humor in this episode is filled with puns, running gags, gentle self-parody, and clever radio in-jokes. Groucho's delivery is sharp, occasionally absurd, and full of asides to the audience (“I had to come back for that line, you know.” [21:39]). Jack Benny matches him with his trademark deadpan reactions and dry wit, making this a classic radio comedy duel for fans of both performers.

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This episode is a prototypical Golden Age radio comedy: self-referential, fast-paced, and built around ensemble dynamics, musical variety, and relentless one-liners—a perfect capsule of 1940s entertainment wit and charm.

Transcript

[A]

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[B]

Blue Ribbon Beer presents Blue Ribbon Town. Starring Groucho Marx. With his special guest, Jack Benny. Come on down out to the Ribbon Town where you down your daily. With Jack Benny visiting us, there's plenty of excitement in Blue Ribbon Town tonight. Ready and eager to greet their famous guest, our famous Bill Days, Leo Gorsey, Robert A.R. brewster and his Blue Ribbon Blenders. Yours truly, Ken Niles. And the leading citizen of Blue Ribbon Town, our happy host of hilarious hijinks, Groucho Marx, Josh Fay, Josh Pay. This is certainly a red letter day in Blue Ribbon Town with Jack Benny coming to visit us.

[C]

Certainly is Dill.

[B]

Say, Groucho, he never did tell us what your visit to Jack Benny last Sunday was like. I had a wonderful time and his rates weren't too high either. Mr. Marks, you don't really mean that Jack Benny charged you? I don't know, Bill, but that was the first time I ever sat in a rocking chair with a meter on it. But I must say the dinner Jack prepared was very nice. He had a beautiful golden brown turkey on the table.

[C]

Say, that was very generous of Jack.

[B]

Yes, it was a very unusual turkey too.

[C]

What do you mean?

[B]

It was the first turkey I ever ate. Made out of grape nut Fl.

[C]

Was the stuffing good?

[B]

Yes, it was, if you like more grape nut flakes.

[C]

Well, did you meet Phil Harris? I think he's awfully cute.

[B]

Yes, he is cute and ignorant. You should have heard what he Told me when I asked him if he liked the songs of Rimsky Korsakov.

[C]

Why, what do you say?

[B]

I thought they were a great team. Who wanted to know which one did the lyrics, Rensky or Korsakov? And when I asked him about Tchaikovsky's Nutcracker Suite, he wanted to know what hotel it was in which. Everybody knows it's the Ambassador.

[C]

Hey, Marcy.

[B]

Hey, Marcy, Is our extinguished guest here yet? Well, well, Everybody's entitled to one mistake. And here's Mother Nature's Leo Garfield. Hey, Moxie, I just heard you talking about Phil Harris. You know, he's an old schoolmate of mine. Gee, I ain't seen Phil since we was in the fifth grade together. You ain't? No. Just think, two whole years have slipped by. Say, Marcy, did you enjoy yourself at Jack Benny's house last Sunday? Yes, I did, Garci. But I'm always glad to be back here in Blue Ribbon Town with my own happy little family.

[C]

You're right, Gracio. We are one happy little family. I like you so much, Gracio.

[B]

And I like you, Faye. And I like you, too, Mr. Mark. And I like you, Beard. And, Marcy, I like you likewise. And Goro, I like you Lengthwise. But really, kid, I am fond of you. Ah, my happy little family. I feel like taking you all in my arms. You, Bill, and you, Gorthy, and you, Faye. Hey, Bill, why don't you and Gorthy get out and make more room for Faye? Jack Benny's main reason for coming up here is to get a complete vacation. He's mentally worn out from doing his radio show for so long. I can understand that. Jack Benny's certainly been on the air a long time, hasn't he? He certainly has. Why, Benny's been on the air so long, he can remember when John wasn't even married to his first wife.

[C]

What do you want us to do?

[B]

I don't want you to mention a single word about radio to Jack Benny. Or to do anything that will even remind him of radio. You see, Benny has radioitis. Oh, I get it. You mean he's allergic, huh? Gorothy, I bet you don't even know what allergic means. Hey, certainly I do. Then he's allergic to radio. Like I'm allergic to jail. Allergic to jail? I don't quite see the connection. Well, every time I'm in jail, I break out.

[C]

See you later, Marquis.

[B]

So, Faye, while Dorothy's breaking out of jail, why don't you break in the dark?

[C]

And that's a chance I'LL sing Suddenly it springs on the Paramount picture Lady in the why is my heart dancing? Imagine dancing. You look at me and suddenly it's free. Why do I keep sighing? Not dying, just shy? I'm young and free and suddenly it's free. High on a hillside love is calling. Someone should wish me happy Crawling no more being lonely Can I be lonely? You look at me and suddenly it's free.

[B]

My true love is calling you really happy, happy falling no more deep only.

[C]

Can I feel you look at me and sudden.

[B]

Hey, Groucho, I'd like you to meet a man. There goes Niles again, bringing another pap. Pappy. Poet. Who is it this time, Niles? Well, this is Simon the Swami. He's a crystal gauger and a very jovial person. A jovial crystal gazer, eh? Yes. How does he strike you? I don't know how he strikes me, but I'd sure like to strike him. You would? Why, I've always wanted to strike a happy medium. Silence. I'm Simon the Swami. My marvelous crystal can tell you if Mama is packing a pistol and whether the step you are planning to take will land on a pillow or poisonous snake. But these days I work, gazing carefully through our gun sights for errors I find very few. And during my leisure, I comfortably peer into crystal clear glasses of Blue Ribbon Beer. Yes, all over America, when people sit down for an hour or two of comfortable leisure, they always seem to call for a glass of mellow, delicious Pabst Blue ribbon beer. Since 1844, we've brewed and sold some of the world's finest beers. And today, Pabst Blue Ribbon is the finest of all. Pabst, you know, is full flavor, blended from 33 fine brews, and there's a whole century of brewing skill and knowledge in every delicious drop. Order it with confidence, serve it with pride, for no matter where you go, there is no finer beer, no finer blend than fast Blue Ribbon. Well, I'm glad the kids all left. I want Jack Benny to feel like he's really going to get a rest from radio. Oh, there's Benny now, pulling out in the taxi cab. I'll open the door for him, but driver 35. Can't be over seven miles from here to the station. Well, all right. Oh, hello, Groucho. Well, if it isn't Jack Benny, the last of the Waukegans. Come on, Jack. Come into my house, relax and make yourself comfortable. Thanks. You're welcome. And, Jack, I want you to know that I told everybody in town that you're here for arrest and that they're not to mention anything about radio. Thanks again, Groucho. I appreciate that. You know, Groucho, to me you're just a friend. I never regarded you as a radio comedian. Don't look now, Jack, but you just lost a friend. Well, now that you're here, you may as well start relaxing. Just sit back in that easy chair there and I'll get you a little snack I prepared over there on the table. Oh, good, I could eat a little something. Here you are, a bowl of your favorite grape nut flakes. Well, gee, thanks, Rocco. Wait a minute. You're supposed to pour cream over them, not pap Blue ribbon beer. You take care of your sponsor and I'll take care of mine. Hey, Groucho, this is swells. The first time in years I've been able to have two minutes to myself without someone talking shop. Jack, the word radio isn't ever going to be mentioned around here. Say, how about the music? I'll turn on the. Yes. How'd you like to listen to the vacuum cleaner? Maybe I can pick up starter. No, I'd. I'd rather just sit here and take it easy and talk about other things than, you know what suit me. Well, what would you like to talk about, Groucho? Oh, anything you'd like to talk about, Jack. Well, I'd like to talk about anything you'd like to talk about, Groucho. Well, that settles it. We'll talk about women. How are you and Gladys Abisco? Are you still that way about each other? Gladys? No, we've. Shall we say fifth? Pardon me, I didn't mean to serve it. Well, that's too bad, Jack. Oh, by the way, Gladys was a waitress, wasn't she? Yeah. Guys, I'm really broken up about it. You really like her, eh, Jack? Yeah, I love her. She was cute. Used to get a lot of tips, too. Well, that is true love. Oh, well, that's enough about women. Say, there's a great trout stream near here, Jack. How about you and me doing a little fishing? No, no, I just want to relax. No fishing. No fishing. All right, then, let's talk about women again. Say, Jack, remember that little dance that we both went for when we were in vaudeville? What was her name again? Oh, you mean Lena Hackenburg? Yeah, little Lena. Remember? Little Lena Hackenburg? I also remember that nasty trick you played just because she liked me better than you. What do you mean? Well, Lena always went for athletic men. And what she admired most about me was my flat, trim waistline. So you try to convince her that I wore a girdle. It's not true. I never said you wore a girdle. No, you never said it. But every time I was out alone with her, you'd sneak up from behind and snap me. Well, well, enough of reminiscing, Jack. How about going for a little walk and really seeing Blue Ribbon Town? No, no, Groucho. I just want to sit here and relax. No walking. No walking. Well, back to women again. Hey, by the way, Jack, I have a picture of you and Lena Hackenbush upstairs that was taken 20 years ago. Gosh, Groucho, 20 years ago. Would you get it from me? Gladly, Jack. Say, is that the one where Lena's running her fingers through my hair? That's the one. Gee, I'd love to see Lena again. And I bet you'd love to see your hair again. Well, I'll get the picture and be right back. Well, Mr. Benny. Mr. Benny? Yes, young man? Mr. Benny, I'm Bill. Days one of Mr. Marks. Happy blue Ribbon Town family. Glad to know you, kid. What's on your mind? I sing. Well, that's nice. When Groucho comes down, you can sing for him. But I don't want to sing for Groucho. I want to sing for you, Mr. Benning thing. For me? What for? Well, gosh, after you hear me, I know you're gonna want me on your program. Look, kid, I came here to Forget radio. Didn't Mr. Mark tell you not to bother me? Yes, but, gee, I couldn't help it. Being on your show gives a person so much prestige. Look, kid, I. You really think it does? Yes, I do. Gosh, Mr. Benny, you're just about the best there is in your field. Am I? Would you mind saying that a little louder, buddy? Louder. Why, Fred Allen doesn't hear as good as he used to. Yes, Mr. Ben, you're absolutely top. The greatest there has ever been. You just don't realize it. Oh, I do too. Well, go ahead, kid, sing. I don't mind. Go on. Smart kid. Got good taste, too. This kid really has. I used to be Bew Wilderness.

[C]

Now I know why I go.

[B]

Walking round.

[C]

In a wonderful glow.

[B]

There's a lot.

[C]

Hill Here am I Riding high on a hill Far away from the usual go With a world of my own at my feet all because.

[B]

It was heavenly. With me.

[C]

Never.

[B]

Dreamed in my wildest dream that.

[C]

I fall Quite so wholeheartedly. Now I know love is all.

[B]

But it's cracked up to be.

[C]

Now I know.

[B]

Well, do I Get to be on your show, Mr. Benny. Well, gosh, kid, I don't know. You're a tenor. What's wrong with that? Don't you always have tenors? Kenny Baker, Dennis Day? Yes, I never fail to have trouble with him about money. And then, kid, with tenors you always have mother trouble. Tenors just seem to have mothers. I can't imagine why. But, gee, don't you think having a mother is pretty true of most people? Yes, yes, I suppose so. But with tenors, somehow it's worse. Tenors have mothers who look like fathers. Besides, I already have a contract with Dennis Day and extremely fine tenor. So you can see, nothing, absolutely nothing could make me change my mind. But for such an opportunity, Mr. Benny, I. I'd even be willing to work for nothing. Please, kid, I'm not. I wonder if Dennis mother would slug me if I broke his contract. Kid, you say you'd be willing to work for nothing? Well, practically, I'd be willing to accept $40 a week. $40 a week? Who do you think you are, Lawrence Tibbett? Why, Dennis only gets 35. Now he thinks he gets 186,000. You know, on the other hand, if you'd be willing to work for. Hold on there, Benny. A fine thing to get to my house trying to steal my tenor. There's nothing lower than a man who steal a tenner unless it's a man who'd steal a base. I wouldn't have said that, Benny, except that the baseball season's just about to start and have to give me that line about not talking shop. But, Groucho, I didn't approach him. He approached me. That's right, Mr. Marks. I'm sorry, but I couldn't realize. I couldn't resist the opportunity to get on his show. Do you realize that being with Jack Benny automatically means being a great success? Oh, I don't know. Well, it's true. Name one person on Jack Benny's show who hasn't become a famous man. All right, Mary Livingston. Now run along and let's not hear any more of this. Well, well, Jack Benny, I'm certainly glad to see you. Glad to see you, Ken isles. Yes, indeed, Mr. Benny. I've been wanting to talk to you for a long time. Yes, sir. You need an announcer like me on your show. You too, Niles. Oh, quiet, Groucho. I'm talking to a radio star. You know, Jack, Don Wilson's not laughing like he used to. That booming quality, that wonderful chuckle, those real honest to goodness guffaws. He just doesn't have it anymore. He doesn't? No. Now, just try me out. I'll throw you a feed line for an old joke. Any old joke. The way he throws himself at the man is degrading. Let's see. Oh, yes. Say, Jack, who's that lady I saw you with last night? Oh, well, all right. That was no lady, Ken. That was my wife. Isn't that wonderful? That's marvelous. Isn't it? Revolting. Well, what do you say, Mr. Benny? Am I better than Don Wilson? Well, I don't know. Wilson is fatter than you. He has more to laugh with. Well, I admit Don Wilson's a lot fatter than I am, but there ain't one thing he can do that I can't do. Well, Wilson can take a shower without getting his feet wet. Niles, you don't. You don't want to really leave me, do you? I thought we were one big happy family here. Yeah, but this is Jack Benny. The Jack Benny. So I'm Groucho Marx. The Groucho Marx. So what? That's what I say. So what? I know how you feel, son. Sometimes I even try to forget I'm Jack Benny. Yes, but it's such a thrill when he remembers. Mr. Benny, there must be a joke in here for. You. Want me to help you? Look, Jack. Mr. Benny, you haven't given me a chance. You haven't heard me do a commercial. Just listen, Niles, will you get out of here and let Benny and me go back to where we. What we were discussing? Oh, women. Well, why, you're on the subject of beautiful women, Grouch, I defy to make a commercial out of that one. Now, don't be too sure. Did you ever stop to think that a beautiful woman is a perfect blend of lovely attributes? Her smile, her grace, her lovely face and so forth. There he goes with that magic word, blend. Ayle. It is a magic word, Groucho, especially when it comes to beer. You see, skillful blending of a number of different brews brings a smoothness and mellowness to beer that you just can't get any other way. Pabst, you know, is full flavor blended from no fewer than 33 fine brews. That's why a glass of Pabst is like an old friend. Its welcoming flavor is always the same, always delightful. Remember, there's a century of brewing skill in every delicious drop of Pabst blue ribbon, a 100 year tradition of hospitality in every sparkling glass. So order it with confidence, serve it with pride, for no matter where you go, there is no finer beer, no finer blend than Pat Blue Ribbon. Well, There it is, Mr. Benny. Think it over. I'll be waiting for your answer. Toodle doo. Shall we dance? Fine happy family I've got. That's the second trader who wants to decide me. Isn't a fine rest I'm having away from radio. I had to come back for that line, you know.

[C]

Oh, got you.

[B]

Hello, Faye. I'd like to.

[C]

Oh, you don't have to introduce him. Anybody'd know. This is Jack Benny.

[B]

Oh, I guess I am rather easy to recognize.

[C]

Oh, yes. I've seen you in pictures. And I could tell it was you by your kind eyes, your. Your strong, manly jaw, your big, brawny arms rippling with muscles.

[B]

What would. Would you mind saying that a little softer, please?

[C]

Softer?

[B]

Why, my draft board is listening in.

[C]

Oh, but, Mr. Benny, you do have such a nice physique, Such a trim, fit waistline.

[B]

Well, I. I'll show Marsh. You snapped me again. There's never a shortage of rubber around, Benny. You know, you're quite attractive, Ms. McKenzie.

[C]

Oh, thanks. But don't call me Ms. McKenzie. You can call me Daisy.

[B]

I can?

[C]

Mm.

[B]

Well, then you can call me Jackse Poo. And you can call me when my stomach returns to normal. You know, paisie, now that I've met you, I'm going to hate leaving Blue Ribbon Town. Too bad you don't live in Hollywood. We could see more of each other.

[C]

Well, Jackie Pooh, I'd love to live in Hollywood if I thought I could find a job there.

[B]

Well, Fazee Pooh, I'm a rather important man in Hollywood. I could probably line up some sort of a position for you.

[C]

Oh, Pooh, how wonderful. I know I'll be very happy working on your show.

[B]

Pooh with a Pooh or pew P O o O. Well, Ms. Mackenzie, I did not offer you a job on my show. I came here to forget my show.

[C]

Oh, but, Jackie Pooh, how can you forget your show? A great comedian like you? Why, far as I'm concerned, you're the grand old man of radio.

[B]

Don't let my gray hair fool you. I'm just breaking it in for a silver fox. Ray, I'm really not old. It's just that I began my career so young. 30 years ago. I was just a knee pant. Yes, and he looked awfully funny. A grown man of 25 running around a knee pants running around a knee Panty poo. Excuse me while I answer the phone. Uh, Jack. Excuse me while I answer the phone? That never happens on my show. Everything happens on our show. Hello? No. Goodbye. Who was that? Groucho. It was the wrong number. That's never happened on any other show before either. Hi, mark D. Hiya, Mr. B. Say, I've been listening to your programs lots of times and I think it's great. Well, I'm glad you enjoy it, Mr. G, but I don't care to discuss. There's one thing wrong. Howsoever, that guy Phil Harris detracts from the refinement and culture of the program. You really think so? You ain't a participle of a dog. And believe me, the lack of culture is a terrible case that should be visited on no man. You're absolutely right, Gorthy poo. Now please stop visiting me. Not only is Phil Harris ignorant, but he also has a terrible vocal furry. The guy knows nothing about nothing, especially grammar. Not only can he conjugate conjugation, but he can even subjunct subjunction. Boy, what a soliloquy. See, what you should do, Benny, is get someone to take Harris place. Someone who's got class, refinement and education. In other words, me. That's more than I had on the whole program. Well, I'll tell you, listening to you gork. See, Phil Harris sounds like Anthony Eden. Well, I know my speech ain't so hot, but my writing is very audible. Leave on that, Benny. I'll see you later. Some happy family I've got, Jack. Everybody has tried to leave me for your radio show. Yes, in fact, Rochester's was the only job that nobody wanted. Yeah, some happy family, all right. What loyalty? They don't even know the meaning of the word loyalty. Faith, semper fidelis is discouraging. Oh, come, come, Groucho. Chin up, carry on. No, Jack. Without the loyalty, without the faith of those one holds dear, life becomes nothing but a hollow mockery, a. A mere existence hardly worth continuing. I wouldn't try so hard, Groucho. It's too late for the Academy Award. He just has scars that never felt a wound. Oh, I know you're hurt, Groucho, but after all, you're a good friend, Jack. But don't try to soften the blow. I'm disappointed my so called friend wanted to leave me to go with your show. It hurts, Jack. It hurts here now. It hurts there too. There, there, Groucho. Don't take it so hard. I can't help it, Jack. There's only one thing left for me to do now. What's that, Mr. B? How about you all letting me take Ratcast's place? Hey, Mr. Benny, if you want to hear how I deliver an important message on the show, just grab an earful of this. Neighbors income taxes are vital to the support of our government. Right now I'd like to let everybody in on a message I have here from Uncle Sam. He considers the prompt filing of income tax return so important this year that he's asking everybody to find out what they owe him just as soon as possible. Don't wait until the March 15 deadline. Find out where you stand. You may owe more or less than you think. Get straightened out early. If you haven't received forms, write the office of your local collector of internal revenue immediately for forms and information. You can find out his address at your nearest bank or post office. If you need help with filing your returns, you can get it free of charge at the same office. But ask for it in time to avoid the rush. Remember, file early. It's more important this year than ever before. Well, Groucho, it's time for me to leave. I want to thank you for your hospitality. It was nice having you, Jack. Thanks for coming down. You must visit me again. I'll be glad. By the way, who's your guest next week? Everett. Everett Horton. He's having trouble with his income tax and he wants me to help him figure it out. Doctor, I didn't know you were good at that sort of thing. Do you really know how to fill out those income tax forms? Oh, yes. In fact, I helped Darcy Lamour with her income tax last year and you know how well her form is filled out. Well, good night, Groucho. Now wait a minute, fellas. Get this very clever line they gave me to end the program with. Oh, this will be a scream. Wait till you hear this. Good night, Groucho. I'll be listening next week, I suppose. I suppose you think mine is any better, huh? Listen to the one they gave me. So long, Jack Benny. Thanks again. Good night, neighbors. Remember, if you want the real lowdown on how to laugh off your income tax, don't forget to listen to Groucho Mark telling Edward Everett Horton all about him next Saturday. All the rest of our regulars will be on hand, so join in the fun and come on. This program is directed by Dick Mack and brought to you by the Fast Brewing Company in Milwaukee, Wisconsin and eori, Illinois. This is cbs.