Bob Hope 38-11-08 (007) Guest - Chico Marx

Summary

Podcast Summary: "Bob Hope 38-11-08 (007) Guest - Chico Marx"

Podcast Information:

• Title: Harold's Old Time Radio
• Host/Author: Harolds Old Time Radio
• Episode: Bob Hope 38-11-08 (007) Guest - Chico Marx
• Release Date: April 20, 2025
• Description: Relive the Golden Age of Radio with classic shows featuring iconic personalities like The Shadow, Abbott & Costello, Amos & Andy, Dragnet, and more.

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Introduction

In this memorable episode of "Harold's Old Time Radio," the legendary Bob Hope returns to the airwaves, joined by the witty and charming Chico Marx of the famed Marx Brothers. Released on April 20, 2025, this episode encapsulates the essence of old-time radio—blending humor, skits, and musical interludes that entertained families before the advent of television.

Opening Banter and Monologue

The show kicks off with Bob Hope engaging the audience with his characteristic humor. He addresses the recent election season, poking fun at the political climate and sharing amusing anecdotes about his uncle's campaign in Eagle Knob, California.

Notable Quote:

"I voted 12 times a day and I only got paid for 10. When my uncle got through voting, the ballot box was so stuffed it had to take six bicarbonates of soda."
— Bob Hope [01:01]

Guest Introduction: Chico Marx

Bill Goodman introduces Chico Marx, setting the stage for a night of laughter and entertainment. The camaraderie between Bob and Chico is palpable, promising an evening filled with delightful exchanges and comedic genius.

Notable Quote:

"We're glad we found you in for now we can begin while hoping you would laugh if you would smile down here again."
— Chico Marx [00:38]

The Hunting Skit

One of the standout segments features a humorous retelling of a fictional hunting trip with Bill Goodman. The skit is rife with slapstick humor and witty exchanges, highlighting Bob's knack for storytelling.

Notable Quote:

"There’s nothing like getting out in the open. I love to go hunting in the woods. It fills me with something. Buck shots. But it's marvelous."
— Bob Hope [03:27]

Another Highlight:

"I came face to face with a bear. It was pretty horrible for both of us. It was a very old bear. It didn’t have a tooth in its mouth."
— Bob Hope [04:24]

Musical Interlude: Jamboree Jones

The musical talent of Skinny Ennis and his band shines through with the performance of "Jamboree Jones," a humorous take on a football player who wins a game with his clarinet skills. Chico Marx adds a playful narrative that complements the lively music.

Notable Segment:

“They can’t forget, won a football game with clarinet.”
— Chico Marx [08:05]

Product Spotlights and Advertisements

In true old-time radio fashion, the show includes humorous product placements. Notably, a playful advertisement for Pepsodent tooth powder incorporates jokes seamlessly into the dialogue, maintaining the episode's lighthearted tone.

Notable Quote:

"Pepsodent toothpaste brush away stubborn surface stains, leaving your teeth gleaming with natural brilliance."
— Bill Goodman [21:02]

Breach of Promise Legal Skit

A hilarious legal skit unfolds as Bob Hope finds himself entangled in a breach of promise lawsuit. Attorney O Cavity, portrayed with impeccable comedic timing, engages in a series of puns and wordplay, amplifying the humor.

Notable Exchanges:

Bob Hope: "She’s suing me for 50,000." [22:32]
Attorney O Cavity: "We make a settlement. Let's say 25,000 for her and 25,000 for me." [24:35]
Bob Hope: "Wait a minute. Where'll I get the money?" [24:39]

Comedic Dialogue and Improvisation

Throughout the episode, Bob Hope and Chico Marx engage in rapid-fire exchanges filled with puns, misunderstandings, and classic slapstick humor. Their chemistry brings the sketches to life, making each interaction more entertaining than the last.

Notable Quote:

"I have a new plan. We got a shower right over the bed. All we got to do in the morning is to turn the water on and then we don't get wet."
— Bob Hope [11:30]

Courtroom Chaos

The breach of promise skit culminates in a chaotic courtroom scene where Bob Hope's attempts to object only add to the hilarity. The interplay between Bob, Attorney O Cavity, and the other characters results in a memorable and side-splitting sequence.

Notable Quote:

"I’m throwing this case right out of court. What happened, Judge?"
— Bob Hope [29:08]

Closing Remarks and Future Teasers

As the show wraps up, Bob Hope hints at future episodes, teasing an appearance by Groucho Marx. The closing remarks are warm and humorous, leaving the audience eagerly anticipating what's next.

Notable Quote:

"Until next Tuesday night at the same time, the President Company bids you good night."
— Bill Goodman [30:00]

Conclusion

"Bob Hope 38-11-08 (007) Guest - Chico Marx" is a delightful homage to the Golden Age of Radio. Through a perfect blend of humor, storytelling, and musical performances, the episode captures the timeless charm of classic radio entertainment. Whether you're a long-time fan or new to these legendary voices, this episode offers an engaging and entertaining experience that stands the test of time.

Transcript

[Styles Mackenzie]

We interrupt this program to bring you an important Wayfair message. Wayfair's got style tips for every home. This is Styles Mackenzie helping you make those rooms sing. Today's style Tip when it comes to making a statement, treat bold patterns like neutrals. Go wild like an untamed animal. Print area rug under a rustic farmhouse table. From wayfair.com this has been your Wayfair style tip to keep those interiors superior.

[Bob Hope]

Wayfair Every style, Every home.

[Chico Marx]

We're glad we found you in for now we can begin while hoping you would laugh if you would smile down here again.

[Bob Hope]

Ah, thank you so much and welcome you all to our fun shop while we manufacture the laughter. It's Epsilon Sales that we're after to.

Make you smile the more we'll.

How do you do, ladies and gentlemen? This is Bob Hope, back again for the gop. Good old Pepson. Tonight I'm just a lull between election returns. You know, there's been so many campaign speeches on the air lately. I turned on my radio last night and it handed me a cigar. And what those politicians say about each other. It sounded like they were doing their Christmas rapping early. Well, election day is almost over and I'm pretty tired. My uncle ran for office in Eagle Knob, California, and I've been voting all day. But it doesn't pay. To be honest, I voted 12 times a day and I only got paid for 10. When my uncle got through voting, the ballot box was so stuffed it had to take six bicarbonates of soda. My uncle isn't exactly crooked. I'd say he was sort of a pretzel with skin when he was running for office last year. He said he'd do the public good. And when he was elected, he kept his word. He did them good. Ah, but you'd like him. He's a great man. He came up from the gutter and boy, is he homesick. He's a very thorough politician. Two hours before the polls open, he put in his application for a recount of the recount.

Who had so many.

Cigars in his pocket he looked like a pipe organ. But I want to take this opportunity to thank the 26 intelligent, honest, right thinking voters of Eagle Knob who voted for my uncle the other 2000 know what they can do. But the people are really slow in Eagle Knob. I entered the polling booth there, pulled back the curtain on the voting machine, and what do you think? I found a guy still voting for Hoover. Ah, but that's enough of that. Phil, tell the ladies and gentlemen who's elected to entertain the Peps and the voters tonight?

[Bill Goodman]

Well, Bob, we have one of the famous Marx Brothers, Chico Marx. And in our usual roundup, Skinny Ennis and his band. The Mad Professor, Jerry Colonna. Through the courtesy of Warner Brothers, Six hits and a miss.

[Bob Hope]

And Bob Hope.

Oh, that's Bill Goodman, ladies and gentlemen, the big outdoor man. We went up to his cabin in the woods over the weekend to do a little deer hunting. I came back without a buck. Reminds me of Santa Anita.

But, boy, I said, there's nothing like.

Getting out in the open. I love to go hunting in the woods. It fills me with something.

Buck shots. But it's marvelous.

Up there on Bill's cabin, the deers eat right out of your hands. Here in Hollywood, they eat right out of your pocketbook.

Isn't that a slick line?

Ah, but I tell you, the first day Goodwin shot of the moose, he came so close, he shot the milk pail right out from under it. The second day out, I came face to face with a bear. It was pretty horrible for both of us. It was a very old bear. It didn't have a tooth in its mouth. They were all in my arms. Bill shot at the bear 15 times without hitting it. Suddenly, the bear ran in the woods and came out a second later with a large red bullseye over its heart. A hard red bullseye over its heart.

Hey.

We went a little deeper into the woods and ran across an elephant. The elephant came up to me and said, I've been hiding in here all day. How did we make out in today? I told him, and he went deeper into the woods. You know, as Giddy Ennis and his band were up there hunting. Skinny's a great hunter. He fired one shot and ran up to Goodman and said, is the guitar player out of the woods?

Goodman said, yes.

Then Skinny said, really? Then I shot a bear. Bill, that's a nice cabin you have up there.

Did you really like it, Bob?

Yes, Bill, except the bed you gave me.

[Bill Goodman]

Well, when I made it up, I asked you if you wanted one lump or two.

[Bob Hope]

Bill, that bed was so uncomfortable, even a beaver got out.

[Bill Goodman]

Well, anyway, the trip was a success. All except the last day, I fell on a porcupine.

[Bob Hope]

Really? Did you get the needles?

[Bill Goodman]

Well, Bob, I. I have so many needles in me, every time I eat spaghetti, my stomach knits a sweater.

[Bob Hope]

Hiya, fellas.

Hiya, Skinny.

Say, Skinny, did you ever hunt bear? Yeah, but I don't like it. The leaf pickle, the leaves pickle. Yeah, but I'm. I'M disappointed in you, Bob.

Why?

What about Skinny?

You know, that bird dog you sold me?

Yeah.

Well, he doesn't sing a note.

What a hunter, Skinny. You couldn't bring down a duck off a meat hook.

Well, everybody liked you up there, Bob.

Really, Bill?

[Skinny Ennis]

Uh huh.

[Bill Goodman]

Even the parrot in my cabin.

[Bob Hope]

The parrot?

[Bill Goodman]

Yeah.

[Bob Hope]

He woke me up in the middle.

[Bill Goodman]

Of the night and said, is that Bob Hope the comedian?

[Bob Hope]

And.

[Bill Goodman]

And I said yes.

[Bob Hope]

Yeah.

[Bill Goodman]

So the parrot laid an egg as big as an ostrich and said, let.

[Bob Hope]

Me see him top that. Thank you, Bill.

And now our six tips of the Miss are going to sing out Johnny Mercer's version of the musical football player Jamboree Jones. Take it, talent.

[Chico Marx]

I begin the story out in West Virginia In a little college all the student body only cares Football Never mind the know Never mind the sheepskin they preferred the three kids seem to have it in their bones they knew all about it, couldn't live without it all except a certain Mr. Jamboree Jones he played the clarinet with all his mind he studied night and day he practiced day and night no running up the field for Mr. Jones he'd rather run up the scale than down the scale. What comes me while the team marched.

[Bill Goodman]

On to greater things until they were.

[Chico Marx]

Asked to play the famous Rose bowl game Four Roses. And on that day of day, the students beamed. What did they do when the team marched on the field? I want to tell you ladies and you gentlemen they dream Ba ba ba di ala yebo Watch them go.

[Bob Hope]

Boom.

[Chico Marx]

Starting from the kicks off base pull every takes off they could win it. Instead of going forward, they were going backward five miles in it. Seeing their position, they called intermission.

[Jerry Colonna]

They heard the red 7 denomination 8 exactly nothing.

[Chico Marx]

You've got five minutes to play. And from the stand there came a distant whale and it was Jamboree.

[Susie Sapina]

A swing and roll the nail oh, we like.

[Chico Marx]

And then the students they began to yell. The players marched up the field and down the field. Hall of fame still proclaims the hero's name Jamboree they can't forget won a football game with clarinet.

[Bill Goodman]

In 1754. Therefore, a certain young Englishman received a letter from his father which read. I hope you take great care of your teeth and that you clean them well every morning and after every meal. But I do insist that you never use any of those sticks or hard substances which always rub away the gums and destroy the varnish of the teeth. And who do you think wrote this letter in 1754? It was none other than the famous Lord Chesterfield. Now, fortunately, the sixth and hard cleaning substance he speaks of have completely disappeared from modern American life. But the rest of Lord Chesterfield's advice is as important today as it was nearly 200 years ago. Think how he would have greeted Pepsid and toothpaste containing Irum. Irum is the cleansing agent found only in Pepsodent of all toothpaste. Gently, quickly, effectively, it helps Pepsidin toothpaste brush away stubborn surface stains, leaving your teeth gleaming with natural brilliance. And always remember, Pepsidin toothpaste containing Irum is safe in its action on teeth. Safe for children, safe for adults because it contains no grit, no drugs, no bleach. Try Pepsodin today and see how effectively it reveals the true beauty of your teeth.

[Bob Hope]

And now, ladies and gentlemen, we take great pleasure in presenting one of the foremost comedians of Hollywood, one of the famous Marx Brothers, whom you saw recently in the great RKO picture.

[Bill Goodman]

Room service.

[Bob Hope]

Here he is, Chico Marx.

Thank you very much. Well, so long, Bob.

Wait a minute, Chico. Chico, what are you leaving for?

When the people applaud, that's enough for me.

Wait a minute. We gotta do a show.

I know, but I gotta go home and learn how to play the piano.

Well, can't you learn how to play next week?

No, next week I'm giving a concert.

[Skinny Ennis]

Yeah?

[Bob Hope]

Well, what about our audience? You've gotta do something for them, okay? Wait a minute, Chico. This is no place to sell ice cream.

Why not? We need some Good Humor around here. Besides, Bob, I gotta make us some money.

But, Chico, you're getting a check for this program.

Whose check? My check.

Look, Chico, what are you gonna do tonight?

Well, I think I just stand in.

The back and hit, and you'll have plenty of company.

Well, goodbye, Bob. I must go home now.

Say, Chico, you like that house of yours, don't you?

How many bedrooms have you got? Bedroom is electronic, see? Oh, we got to know bedrooms.

No bedrooms. What do you sleep in at night?

In my night shirt. Some joke. Hey, boy.

Yeah, I think it's my turn to stand back here and here. Say, have you got any bathtubs in the house?

Well, I tell you, we got a new plan. We got a shower right over the bed. Shower right over the bed. All we got to do in the morning is to turn the water on and then we don't get wet.

Well, why don't you get wet?

We don't sleep in the bed.

Look, Tito, if you don't sleep in the bed, where do you sleep?

In the park.

Yeah, but if you sleep in the park, what do you need the house for?

Well, we gotta have some place to keep the beds.

I don't know, but that sounds kind of stupid.

Yeah, I got that from my uncle. He was a kind of stupid fool way over like this.

Let's get it. I get it, Tico.

Well, let's go on, Bob. I gotta go now. I'm just itching to go home.

Now, wait a minute, Chico. You gotta play the piano.

All right, so where was I?

You were just itching.

Okay, we start from scratch. Wait, they're taking my coat off. All right.

See, that's a nice coat. But why do you wear it inside out?

Like it the other side? It belongs to Groucho. He's wearing it.

I wish I was with him. Ladies and gentlemen, Chico Marx will now play his own arrangement of an original composition based on the second Hungarian Rhapsody by Franz Lift.

[Attorney O Cavity]

Hey, Bob, give us that.

[Bob Hope]

You want to buy a ticket for the Rose bowl football game?

For the Rose Bowl? I'll say.

How much? Well, for you, $5. $5? $5?

[Bill Goodman]

Really?

[Bob Hope]

Okay, here's your $5.

Okay, here's your piece. A piece?

Wait a minute. How about the rest of the ticket?

That's no good. I can't make a much profit selling a whole ticket.

Well, you only gave me the top part of the ticket.

That's all right. You only sit on the top part of the seat. Hey, Bob, I forgot to tell you. You know you gotta go to sea for that football game. Right in the middle.

In the middle?

Uh huh. Yeah, right behind the middle of the scoreboard.

Behind the scoreboard. But how do I see the game from there?

Well, I tell you, I sell you a nice brace in the bit, then you'll make a nicer hole for yourself.

I'm in the hole now. How much does that cost?

$4.25.

$4.25 to a brace and bit?

Yeah. $4 for the brace and two bits for the bit.

I wish Groucho was here to give me an answer for that one.

I miss him more than you do. Hey, Bob.

Sounds like Harpo.

[Styles Mackenzie]

We interrupt this program to bring you an important Wayfair message. Wayfair's got style tips for every home. This is Stiles Mackenzie helping you make those rooms sing. Today's style tip. When it comes to making a statement, treat bold patterns like neutrals go wild. Like an untamed animal print area rug under a rustic farmhouse table. From wayfair.com fierce this has been your Wayfair style tip to keep those interiors superior.

[Bob Hope]

Wayfair every style, every home.

It's all right, Chico. Anybody can drop a script. Go ahead, it's all right.

No, but I saw those joke before.

You'll see him again too.

Hey, Bob.

What's that?

I'm going to do you a real big favor.

Oh, don't go home too early, Chico.

No, I'm going to let you have a pair of field glasses for the game.

Well, Chico, I'm not so sure I can afford it. How much are you going to let me have them for?

Very cheap. Only 25 cents.

Well, that's reasonable enough.

Now, how about us some lenses for the glasses? $50. But Kiko, how much would you charge.

Me if I don't go to the game?

Well, what seat are you not going to sit in?

How about not sitting on the 50 yard line?

That's no good. There are too many people not sitting there now. Could be in the weight. Hey, Bob, we got us some more jokes.

Well, here we go again.

What is it now, Chico? I got a something else you need very badly at the game.

What is it, a radio?

No, it's a map. Shows you how to get to go go out to the game.

That's a good idea, Chic. Oh, I think it's a little late to put on your glasses.

Look.

Chico, it's pretty crowded on New Year's Day. Let's take a look at that map.

Here you are. Now look, you take a number 66 and you go out about a four mile. That brings you to 33.

Yeah.

Now you go out a 33 about two miles. Now 66 and a 30 through, that makes a 99. Now you're on the right road. Now you take a 99 for 280 miles and that brings you to the Grand Canyon.

Oh, boy, that's a beauty. Say, that gives me an idea, Chico. I've never been there and I'll need a vacation. About New Year's, is there any fishing?

Sure, fishing and the hunting. You want to buy a license?

I was afraid of that. Wait till I go home and sell my annuity. Say, maybe you'd like to have buy these football tickets back?

No, thanks.

I'll let you have them for $3 a piece.

No, thank you.

All right. You can have them for nothing.

I won't eat them now. No, I don't want them. What's the matter?

Don't you want to see the game?

I saw the game. California 1:13 to nothing.

Wait a minute. That's the score of last year's game.

That's all Right. You got a last year's ticket.

[Skinny Ennis]

Yeah.

[Bob Hope]

And now Skinny Anna sings that beautiful number by Larry Clinton, My Reverie, based on a theme by Claude Debussy. Okay, Skinny.

Thanks.

[Skinny Ennis]

Is it ruined my reverence I can see that his love was lost.

[Bob Hope]

For.

[Skinny Ennis]

Me Only a fool who never stood in a world of romance to be so cool as you are to me I as wish as to me without you life will never begin to be Love me as I love you in my revenue make my view reality Let your faith with formality come to me in my reverie Love you as I love you in my reverie make my dream reality let's dissent with water Come to me in my reverie in my. Reverend.

[Bill Goodman]

How'S the sunshine of your smile tonight? A little clouded over, maybe looking just a little sad. Well, then, why not decide to swing over to Pepsodent tooth powder containing irum. Pepsodent and only peptidant of all tooth powders, contains irum, the new cleansing agent. And irum is the remarkable discovery that helps Pepsodent remove stubborn surface stains from your teeth at least twice a day, night and morning, every day of your life. Use Pepsodent tooth powder and you'll be rewarded. It won't be long before you say you never dreamed your teeth could sparkle so.

[Bob Hope]

And you never knew your mouth could.

[Bill Goodman]

Feel so fresh so clean as it does when Pepsidin tooth powder containing irum is always on the job. Best of all, Pepsidin powder containing irum is safe in its action on teeth because it contains no grit, no drugs, no bleach.

[Bob Hope]

So if you want these effective cleansing.

[Bill Goodman]

Results, try Pepsidin tooth powder with aerium.

[Chico Marx]

Stop beating round the Mumbai bush the momma bush Mulberry bush Stop eating round.

[Bill Goodman]

The mulberry bush Although it's made him dizzy, that old bush leaguer Bob Hope is going around in circles to give you his version of Stop beating round the mulberry bush.

[Bob Hope]

All right, circulate, Bob.

[Chico Marx]

Mulberry bush when there's a mo.

[Bob Hope]

Hey, Bill.

[Bill Goodman]

Yes. Yes, Bob, I'm in trouble.

[Bob Hope]

I got a summons for $50,000.

[Bill Goodman]

You did? What's the matter?

[Bob Hope]

Well, look, last week I called up my girl and I told her to stop beating around the mulberry bush and to come right out and tell me she loves me. Yeah, I asked her to marry me and she accepted.

[Bill Goodman]

Well, I don't see any breach of promise there.

[Bob Hope]

Yeah, but I had the wrong number.

[Bill Goodman]

But, boy, this is serious, Bob. What you need is a good lawyer.

[Bob Hope]

What I need is $50,000.

[Bill Goodman]

Listen, I know just the man for.

[Bob Hope]

You for one thing. Is he good?

[Bill Goodman]

Is he good? Why, he got my sentence cut down from 90 to 60 days.

[Bob Hope]

Really?

[Bill Goodman]

Gee, for having one headlight out too.

[Bob Hope]

Oh, that's wonderful.

If you ever go through a red light, let me know and I'll give you a farewell party.

[Bill Goodman]

Come on, Bob, let's go.

[Bob Hope]

Well, here it is, Bob.

[Bill Goodman]

Law offices of Cohen, Gold, fob, Cohen and Ocavity.

[Bob Hope]

How did Ocavity get in there?

[Bill Goodman]

He put up the money.

[Bob Hope]

Let's go in. Thank gosh, it's dark in here.

[Bill Goodman]

Oh, pardon me.

[Bob Hope]

That's all right. I'm only the dead.

I wish they'd turn the lights on.

[Susie Sapina]

We never do that during lunch hour.

[Bob Hope]

Why not?

[Susie Sapina]

The bosses get jealous when they see me eat. Hello, law offices of CGC and ok. A divorce. What time would you like? Reno, Mexico or radio? What's a radio divorce? When you get married again, we guarantee you a spot on the Eddie Cantor program.

[Jerry Colonna]

Goodbye.

[Bill Goodman]

Say, look, miss, my friend Bob Hope wants to hire a good lawyer.

[Susie Sapina]

Well, you better try someone else. The last case we defended was Paul Revere for parking his plug in front of a plug.

[Attorney O Cavity]

Ah, a case, a case. Come right in. Have a seat, have a cigar, have an accident.

[Bob Hope]

Are you attorney Ocavity?

[Attorney O Cavity]

Yes, and you can't lose. It's an open and shut case. You were home alone that night reading a book.

[Bob Hope]

Uh huh.

[Attorney O Cavity]

Now I'll call central casting and get two witnesses who are with you.

[Bob Hope]

Very nice, but I have a breach of promise suit on my hands.

[Attorney O Cavity]

Breach of promise? She can't do that to you. Promising to marry you, breaking your heart, leaving you crushed and broken like a secondhand Dixie cup. We'll sue for $20,000.

[Bob Hope]

That's Robert is just one text.

What's that?

She's suing me for 50,000.

Oh, lucky me.

[Attorney O Cavity]

We make a settlement. Let's say 25,000 for her and 25,000 for me.

[Bob Hope]

Wait a minute. Where'll I get the money?

[Attorney O Cavity]

Haven't you entered the movie quiz?

[Bob Hope]

Say what? A lawyer. He probably went through law school on a student tour.

Oh, oh, oh, pardon me.

[Attorney O Cavity]

There goes another ambulance. This trial, hold on to the customer.

[Bob Hope]

While I do a little roper.

Hey, don't tell me attorney O Cavity is an ambulance chaser.

[Susie Sapina]

Mister, he's been chasing ambulances so long he has roller skates on his briefcase.

[Bob Hope]

Oh, darn.

[Attorney O Cavity]

Those ambulance drivers put grease on the running board again. Hey, what were you saying before they rang for me?

[Bob Hope]

I said I was being sued.

[Attorney O Cavity]

That's nothing. So Sally ran?

[Bob Hope]

Yeah, but she'll probably wiggle out of.

[Attorney O Cavity]

Hey, how about making out your will? Only $25 extra. Oh, oh, there it goes again.

[Bob Hope]

Wait a minute.

I'm going with you this time.

[Attorney O Cavity]

Okay, hang on. We'll wrap off the courthouse.

[Skinny Ennis]

Hey.

[Bob Hope]

Hey.

Boy, this is a busy court. Listen to the hustle and bustle.

Hello, Hassel. Hello, Bustle. The sixth session of the Court of Sessions is in session.

[Bill Goodman]

And I do mean session.

[Bob Hope]

Yeah, man.

[Attorney O Cavity]

There's the girl right over there. Susie Sapina. We all call her Sweet Sue. Hello, Sue.

[Jerry Colonna]

Hello, Cavity. Well, here we are again.

[Bob Hope]

Here you are, Giddy your cracker. Crack popcorn, alibi failed. Bonsana, tootsie, footsie, ice cream. Who's that?

[Attorney O Cavity]

That's the girl's lawyer, Ravelli.

[Bob Hope]

Hey, boss, do you call me?

Yeah, I want to make a deal with you.

That's a fine. How about draw a poker?

[Bill Goodman]

Here's your card.

[Bob Hope]

My card?

I got a five aces. I think I'll open.

What do you got?

I got a headache.

Revelli. If you were my lawyer, I'd say you were crazy. As a matter of fact, if you were my lawyer, I'd say I was crazy.

Sounds just like Groucho. No, no.

Tell me, why is your client suing me for breach of promise?

I'm running a special on a breach of promise this week. Next week a habeas corpus. With green flowers.

[Bill Goodman]

With green flowers?

[Bob Hope]

Yeah, habeas Irish rose someplace. No, no, I object.

I read anybody's lines. What are you. What do you mean?

I object.

What are you objecting for? The trial hasn't started.

Well, I'm just one warming up.

[Bill Goodman]

Fire in the court.

[Attorney O Cavity]

Order.

[Bob Hope]

The judge is about to appear. Greetings, Gates. Let's arbitrate.

Hello, Sue.

How are you?

[Jerry Colonna]

Oh, well, dad.

[Bob Hope]

Well, where were you on the night of October 25th?

[Jerry Colonna]

At home.

[Bob Hope]

You should have been with us. What a brawl. Is the jury present?

[Chico Marx]

Hello, Jud.

[Attorney O Cavity]

Do you remember the boys?

[Skinny Ennis]

Sure.

[Jerry Colonna]

How you fellas?

[Chico Marx]

Hello, Sue. What you.

[Bob Hope]

I'll give three to one I lose this case.

That's no good. You can get 12 to 1 from the jury.

Judge Colonna, I think there's 30 days.

But Judge Addison, 60 days.

Wait a minute. You can't give me 60 days.

Ah, yes, knave. My time is your time.

[Attorney O Cavity]

Bring the defendants and the plaintiffs to.

[Bob Hope]

The bar you granted.

[Bill Goodman]

Tell truth all through and see your dentist twice a year.

[Bob Hope]

I do.

[Jerry Colonna]

I do.

[Bob Hope]

I now pronounce you man and white.

I object. You're here to dispense justice.

Very well. Justice will be dispensed. With.

Continue with the case.

It's your shot, Mr. Ravelli. Okay, I take to the witness. Hey, Hope, where were you on the night of February 30th?

There wasn't any night of February 30th.

Oh, so you stole that, too. I'm a kid, ain't it?

I'm not exactly proud of you either.

O. I object. Objection overrules. All right. I object again. Objection overruled.

[Bill Goodman]

That's fine.

[Bob Hope]

Now I got a pair of overrules. Judge, I'm getting sick and tired of this case.

[Jerry Colonna]

Yeah, come on, Judge. Stop beating around the mulberry bush and settle this case once for me.

[Bob Hope]

Silence.

I have reached the decision.

[Skinny Ennis]

Oh, the pudding.

[Bob Hope]

I'm afraid to listen. What kind of a trial is this anyway? Am I going to get justice? Ah, justice. Justice.

A famous justice once said, hoot, quote, unquote.

[Bill Goodman]

Oh.

[Bob Hope]

Oh, there she goes again.

Quick, where's my waste case?

Hey, that's for my case.

[Jerry Colonna]

Just a bit shy, sir.

[Skinny Ennis]

What about my case?

[Bob Hope]

And what about my case? I object.

You can't object.

You're the judge. Objection overruled. I'm throwing this case right out of court. What happened, Judge?

I forgot to let go of the cave.

Excuse me, Bob.

[Bill Goodman]

Oh, Bob, what have we for next week?

[Bob Hope]

Oh, well, next week we're really going to town.

Bill.

We have that man with us.

[Bill Goodman]

That man?

[Bob Hope]

That man. Groucho Marx. He's coming over and explaining the whole thing. Then we'll have our regular cast, Kenny Anderson's Band, six hits and a miss. Jerry Colonna, Bill Goodman and Bob Hope.

Thank you. Good night.

Ladies and gentlemen.

[Bill Goodman]

Until next Tuesday night at the same time, the President Company bids you good night. This is the National Broadcasting Company.