Bob Hope 45-11-27 279 From USC Red Skelton, Peggy Ryan

Summary

Harold's Old Time Radio

Episode: Bob Hope 45-11-27 – "From USC" (Red Skelton, Peggy Ryan)

Broadcast Date: September 27, 2025 (originally aired November 27, 1945)
Setting: Live from the University of Southern California campus
Featured Guests: Bob Hope, Jerry Colonna, Peggy Ryan, Wendell Niles, with a guest appearance by Red Skelton (as Junior)

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Episode Overview

This lively episode celebrates post-WWII college life, the GI Bill, and the homecoming spirit at USC, all in classic Bob Hope style. With quick banter, musical numbers, and satirical sketches, Hope and his crew—Jerry Colonna, Peggy Ryan, and surprise guest Red Skelton—deliver a comedic snapshot of the era, peppered with nods to servicemen returning to school. It's a quintessential "college campus show" blending zany humor, music, and football hijinks.

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Key Discussion Points & Highlights

1. Opening Salvos & College Life Satire

Bob Hope welcomes students with his trademark wit, riffing on college culture, returning veterans, and USC traditions.

• [00:49] Bob Hope introduces himself to USC, immediately poking fun at abbreviations, "Usc? That's an abbreviation meaning Stop looking over my shoulder. I don't know what I'm doing either."
• Jokes about never attending college and being sent there for the first time by his sponsor: "He thought it'd be nice if I did a show from someplace I've never been. College."
• Teases about campus life, homecoming, and the football-mad atmosphere: "I won't say they're football crazy, but I bent over to tie my shoe...next thing I knew I was getting a bird's eye view of Los Angeles."
• Pokes fun at his own school record: "In high school, I was known as a very sharp student. Cutting classes was my specialty. Should have cut that joke."

2. Musical & Comic Commercial Sketches

• [04:15] Jerry Colonna and Peggy Ryan perform parody jingles poking fun at toothpaste advertisements ("Don't be like Miriam, you Derium!").
• [06:23] Jerry Colonna and Peggy Ryan deliver a comedic rendition of "It Might as Well Be Spring", filled with playful ad-libs ("I'm as giddy as a baby on a swing. Whee!").

3. Boy Meets Girl, Freshman to Senior

• [08:57] Hope introduces Peggy Ryan as "Universal's Dainey Dynamo," joking about college romance:
  • [09:18] Peggy: "I go for these college men. I was out with one last night and I found out what that SC stands for."
  • [09:26] Hope: "Studious Collegians."
  • [09:28] Peggy: "No, Smoochin' Charlies."
• [11:07] Transformation Sketch: Hope and Ryan dramatize student progression from an awkward freshman to a polished senior.
  • [11:07] Hope as green freshman: "Well, here I am, a freshman at USC... more fun than rinsing the soap off the regular way."
  • [13:43] As a senior, he's "worldly and polished," and the romance is elevated—jabbing at college airs:
    • [14:39] Peggy (Francine): "Goodness, Ronald, I wish you'd wear a smaller Phi Beta Kappa key."
    • [15:32] Hope (Ronald): "Oh, don't be ridic. It saves me the bother of carrying a cane."
    • [15:41] Peggy: "I really consider you the ugliest, stupidest, most hopelessly, half witty..."
    • [15:47] Hope: "I have two tickets to the Rose Bowl game."
    • [15:49] Peggy: "You have?"
    • [15:55] Colonna: "I now pronounce you man and wife. 'Til death or UCLA do you part."

4. More Musical Interludes

• [16:19] Peggy Ryan and Jerry Colonna sing "There For Me," creating a softer, genuinely musical moment amid the shenanigans.

5. Football Hijinks Sketch

• [20:23] The episode shifts to the USC football locker room, with coach Colonna giving an absurd pep talk:
  • [21:29] Colonna as Coach: "We're gonna play hard. We're gonna play for all we're worth. But above all, we're going to play fair. ...Give that cement a chance to hide around your brass knuckles."
  • [22:11] Colonna: "That's all, men. Now get in there and win for dear old UCLA!"
  • [22:22] Hope (aside): "UCLA?"
  • [22:24] Colonna: "Culoda. This is USC."
• Slapstick among teammates: Chest protectors and helmet jokes fly, with Hope directed to "stay in the car and keep the motor running."
• [23:32] Coach Colonna unveils his secret backfield player: "...a cow. Think how confused they'll get trying to figure out whether she's carrying the ball or—"

6. Red Skelton as Junior: Bleachers Comedy

• [24:17] Red Skelton arrives as "Junior," the bratty nephew, with Peggy Ryan as "Aunt Frances."
  • [24:20] Junior: "Goodness, this is awful high up, isn't it? ...A P-38 just passed underneath."
  • [25:43] Peggy introduces Junior to Bob Hope; Junior resists meeting him with comic logic, "You let me ignore him or I will bang my head against this cement wall."
  • [26:07] Hope: "Stop banging your head on that wall. Do you want to chip the cement?"
• Hope "lets" Junior kick the football, expecting mischief:
  • [26:54] Colonna: "Trusting old soul, ain't you? Okay, you ready? Here I come."
• Song Parody Sendoff:
  • [27:01] Hope: "Thanks for the memory of USC, our host known from coast to coast... and we thank you so much."

7. Salute to the GI Bill & Call to Action

• [27:25] Hope delivers a heartfelt tribute to veterans pursuing education:
  • "You know, folks, a lot of guys who were out digging foxholes not long ago here at USC under the GI Bill of Rights, digging for an education that got nipped when the nips went berserk in '41... The GI Bill of Rights is America's promise to the serviceman... victory bonds are the teeth in that promise."
  • Hope urges listeners to support returning veterans by buying government bonds.

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments (with Timestamps)

• On college atmosphere
  • Bob Hope (00:49): "That's where you learn how to make money. Like Crosby after spending four years dressing like him."
• On dating at college
  • Peggy Ryan (09:28): "No, Smoochin' Charlies."
• Freshman to Senior transformation
  • Peggy (15:41): "Well, I don't want to hurt your feelings, Ronald, but I really consider you the ugliest, stupidest, most hopelessly, half witty–"
  • Hope (interrupts; 15:47): "I have two tickets to the Rose Bowl game."
  • (15:49) Peggy, instantly: "You have?"
• Coach Colonna’s pep talk
  • (21:29) Colonna (Coach): "We're going out there to play football today. We're gonna play hard... But above all, we're going to play fair. Oh, no, no, no, no. Don't applaud, don't applaud. Give that cement a chance to hide around your brass knuckles."
• Locker room confusion
  • (22:24) Colonna: "Of course. Silly Bee must have gone on the wrong bus this morning. All right now, man, get dressed."
• Junior in the stands
  • (24:20) Junior (Red Skelton): "Goodness, this is awful high up, isn't it?...A P-38 just passed underneath."
  • (26:07) Bob Hope to Junior: "Stop banging your head on that wall. Do you want to chip the cement?"
• Hope's closing tribute to veterans
  • (27:25–28:45) Hope: "The GI Bill of Rights is America's promise to the serviceman... victory bonds are the teeth in that promise."

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Timestamps for Key Segments

• Opening Monologue/College Satire: 00:49–04:15
• Comedy Sketch/Commercial Parodies: 04:15–06:56
• Musical Performance ("It Might as Well Be Spring"): 06:23–08:35
• Peggy Ryan Joins & College Romancing Riffs: 08:57–10:24
• Freshman vs Senior Sketch: 11:07–15:55
• Football Locker Room Sketch: 20:23–23:53
• Red Skelton/Junior in Stands: 24:17–26:54
• Closing GI Bill Tribute & Farewell: 27:01–28:46

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Tone & Style

The episode bubbles with Hope's vaudeville energy, delivering rapid-fire jokes, winking innuendos, extended wordplay, and affectionate lampooning of both academia and military service. The cast effortlessly shifts from sketch to musical number, keeping the pace brisk and the laughs frequent, while also pausing for genuine patriotic warmth in its salute to the GI Bill.

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Summary

For listeners, this episode offers a rollicking ride through postwar college culture, seen through Bob Hope's irreverent eye. With a supporting cast of beloved comics and musicians, the show cleverly blends youthful romance, football fever, and a tribute to returning veterans—plus the zaniness of Red Skelton’s unforgettable "Junior." Both a comedy time capsule and a heartfelt thank-you to the Greatest Generation, it’s a vintage treat from radio’s golden era.

Transcript

[Wendell Niles]

For the safety of your smile, use Pepsodent twice a day. See your dentist twice a year. This week, Pepsodent is proud to honor the men and women of our armed forces now in schools and colleges under the GI Bill of Rights. Tonight, pepsidan brings to the student body of the University of Southern California the pepsidan show with Peggy Ryan and a surprise guest and starring Bob Hope.

[Bob Hope]

Thank you. How do you do? How do you do, ladies and gentlemen, this is Bob, broadcasting from the campus of the University of Southern California. Hope telling you students, don't be a SAP. Remove the cap and use pepsidin on your trap and you'll never have a gap in your map that'll frighten a coed off your lap. Well, here I am at usc. Usc? That's an abbreviation meaning Stop looking over my shoulder. I don't know what I'm doing either. I've been playing army camps. But my sponsor wanted me to appear to college this week. He thought it'd be nice if I did a show from someplace I've never been. College. That's where you learn how to make money. Like Crosby after spending four years dressing like him. But it's a thrill to be here. They elected a campus queen today, and I'd like to catch the guy who cast 10 ballots for me. I wanted these kids to think I was Hep. So I pulled out my shirt tail, rolled up my pants and whipped out of the campus in a hot rod. Just as I passed the corner, coed hollered, hey, fella, UCLA is the other way. And when I arrived here, the faculty invited me over for tea. They were going to give me something a little stronger than tea. But the chemistry class didn't have it finished in. Some of the students attending USC live with their folks. The rest write home for it and. And they call the boys men of Troy. After the ancient days when the Greeks crawled into a horse and took over Troy, now 20 of them climb into a convertible and take over Santa Monica. I went to USC myself, the United School of Chiropody. Of course, we never had homecomings. Once a year we just took off our shoes and wiggled our big toes. I started out as a freshman in college, and in two months I was a senior. In high school, I was known as a very sharp student. Cutting classes was my specialty. Should have cut that joke. But I. I was a fraternity man for a while. Then I decided it would be more fun to wear my own clothes. And while I was in school, things were always missing from the lockers. I wasn't exactly responsible. At the minute I went out with a girl, everybody started calling her Yolanda. I wasn't exactly responsible, but the minute I went out with a girl, everybody just started calling. My school was co educational. In fact, that's what I majored in. I like those co ed type of sweaters. I noticed one on the girl and it wasn't exactly big, but it's the first time I ever saw anybody wear a sweater in Los Angeles while her mother was still knitting it in Pomona. And Saturday they're having the big game with UCLA here and I won't say they're football crazy, but I bent over to tie my shoe on the campus this morning and the next thing I knew I was getting a bird's eye view of Los Angeles.

[Jerry Colonna]

Miriam neglected using Miriam. So she waited for a thing for the phone to ring.

[Peggy Ryan]

Hello, Wrong number. Hello, Wrong number.

[Jerry Colonna]

So folks, don't be like Miriam, you Derium.

[Wendell Niles]

No matter how many toothpaste you've tried, no matter how good a job you think your present brand is doing. Change now to Pepsodent toothpaste and in just one week. See if you don't find new brightness in your teeth, new sparkle in your smile. You see Pepsodent and only Pepsodent contains Irum, the exclusive cleansing ingredient. And Pepsodent toothpaste with Irum removes the film that makes your teeth look dull. It loosens film and floats it away quickly, easily, safely. Because it removes film, Pepsodent toothpaste with Erium brings new brightness to your teeth. No wonder more people than ever before use Pepsidin toothpaste today. No wonder it's number one with the armed forces. So forget other brands you've tried. Change to Pepsidin toothpaste with Irium and in just one week. See the difference? See if your teeth don't feel cleaner, look brighter. See how it uncovers the natural brilliance of your smile. Ask for refreshing Pepsodent toothpaste because Pepsodent and only Pepsodent contains Irium.

[Jerry Colonna]

Dear Miriam. Dear Miriam. Now she's heard of Irium. So the telephone ring is a busy thing. Hello, I'm a number.

[Peggy Ryan]

Hello?

[Jerry Colonna]

As restless as a willow in a.

[Peggy Ryan]

Window.

[Jerry Colonna]

I'm as jumpy as a puppet on a string I'd say that I had springa fever But I know it is an assapari I am starry eyed and vaguely discontented Night again at the gale without a song to sing.

[Bob Hope]

Oh.

[Jerry Colonna]

Why should I have a suffering fever when it is a rev an ass up array I keep wishing I were someone else Walking down a strange nursery Hearing words that I have never heard From a girl I have yet to meet Ah, there you are. Haven't I met you somewhere before, Tourist? I'm as busy as a spider spinning a daydream I am as giddy as a baby on a swing Whee.

[Peggy Ryan]

Whee. Whee.

[Jerry Colonna]

I haven't seen a crocus or a rosebud Or a robin on the wing Ah, but I feel so gay In a better time of day When I know that it might as well be spring it might as well be spring it could be winter, summer, autumn Almost any other thing.

[Peggy Ryan]

Sorry.

[Jerry Colonna]

To my height as well.

[Bob Hope]

That was Jerry Colonna singing It Might as well Be Spring. I don't know about the springs, but he really got a mattress. Now, ladies and gentlemen, I'd like to meet a young lady who was with us two weeks ago and is back again tonight for a little postgraduate work. Universal's Dainey Dynamo, Ms. Peggy Ryan, right here.

[Peggy Ryan]

Thanks, Father. Thank you, students. You know, Mr. Hope, I go for these college men. I was out with one last night and I found out what that SD stands for.

[Bob Hope]

Studious Collegians.

[Peggy Ryan]

No, Smooch and Charlies.

[Bob Hope]

Well, you have these boys all wrong, Peggy. Why? They're no more interested in girls than I am. I can't understand that. It sounded right at rehearsal.

[Peggy Ryan]

I'm gonna have a lot of fun tonight, Bob. Some of the girls invited me to their sorority dance here.

[Bob Hope]

Oh, it sounds exciting.

[Peggy Ryan]

Good, because I wanted you to take me.

[Bob Hope]

You're asking me to go to the dance with you?

[Peggy Ryan]

Yeah. We had a talk and decided somebody had to bring a chaperone. Bob, you think you'll enjoy dancing with a shorty like me? I hardly come up to your lips.

[Bob Hope]

That's all right, as long as you come up often enough.

[Peggy Ryan]

And after the dance is over, I'll just stay at the sorority house. Bob.

[Bob Hope]

Well, why don't you let me take you home? I'd love to.

[Peggy Ryan]

Really? I didn't know the streetcars ran that late.

[Bob Hope]

Well, the Motorman's my director. Out at Paramount during the day.

[Peggy Ryan]

Hello, Maggie. Hello, Bob.

[Jerry Colonna]

Well, Francis Langford. Look at him.

[Peggy Ryan]

Did you hear, Frances? Bob's taking me to a sorority dance tonight. Oh, Bob, you're too old for these college girls.

[Bob Hope]

What are you talking about, Frances? Why, every time I dance with a co ed, she practically swoons.

[Peggy Ryan]

Bob, they're not swooning. They're just punchy from sniffing that Sloan's Liniments.

[Bob Hope]

Maybe you're right, Frances. Maybe I would feel out of place at a college dance.

[Peggy Ryan]

Yeah, it's really a shame you didn't go to college, Bob. It does an awful lot for a man. A freshman comes to USC green and crude, and four years later he leaves the college a worldly, polished senior.

[Bob Hope]

Well, let's show the folks. Let's show the folks the difference. First, I'll play the green freshman with Peggy as my girl. Some freshman music skin. Well, here I am, a freshman at usc. I think I'll ankle down to the Union soda shop and see if I can get me a date with a sophomore. I sure go for them sophisticated women. Gee, I'm glad I shaved tonight. It's more fun than rinsing the soap off the regular way. Ah, but it's great being a freshman. The upperclassmen treats you with such respect. It's a pleasure to pay the tuition.

[Wendell Niles]

Get off the sidewalk, you bum.

[Bob Hope]

Wonder if I can get a refund. This looks like the Union. I better go in.

[Jerry Colonna]

Oops.

[Bob Hope]

Gee, this college life is really rough. Even the revolving doors paddle you. Hey, there's a cute pigeon perched up at the counter. Looks like she might be flying in messages from Cupid. She's wearing one of those Sloppy Joe sweaters too. Hiya, Drag.

[Peggy Ryan]

Hiya, Sag. Sit down. Tell me, are you a freshman?

[Bob Hope]

That's up to you.

[Peggy Ryan]

What the like you doing in college anyway?

[Bob Hope]

Well, it ain't my fault. I didn't intend to go to college.

[Peggy Ryan]

Well, what are you doing here then?

[Bob Hope]

On my last birthday, somebody gave me a pipe. Say, how do you like my new pork pie hat?

[Peggy Ryan]

Oh, I don't know. I think you left it in the oven too long.

[Bob Hope]

I've been worried about my exams. They told me that no doz would help me with my studies, but it isn't doing me any good.

[Peggy Ryan]

Oh, well, no wonder. You're supposed to swallow it, not rub it on the pages. Why don't you study the same thing you studied in high school?

[Bob Hope]

I can't. She ain't here.

[Peggy Ryan]

What do you say, pretzel puss? Wanna buy me a Coke?

[Bob Hope]

No, I'm too young to get engaged. I'm still thirsty. I think I'll get me a root beer this time. Hey, crumb bum, bring me a root beer and snap it up, you hear?

[Wendell Niles]

Okay, wise guy. Here it is.

[Peggy Ryan]

Oh, keep calming, Robert. There's some more ice in your hair.

[Wendell Niles]

And now, four years later, we find the same couple polished seniors.

[Bob Hope]

Gee, I can hardly believe it. Here I am, a senior. I wonder if I should take another walk past the girls dormitory. On second thought, maybe I'd better not. They make such a fuss over me. My reflexes are in a strange and turbulent mood tonight. I feel wild. I think I'll go to the library and read the unabridged dictionary.

[Jerry Colonna]

No, no.

[Bob Hope]

That's too dashing. I. I think I'll go over to the union for a snack. I hate to go in the union. It's always full of such raucous characters. But I have my duty to sc.

[Jerry Colonna]

Here I go.

[Bob Hope]

Dad. Someday I'm gonna strike that thing back. Gracious. It's just as crowded as I expected.

[Wendell Niles]

Hey, Bud, here's a stool for you.

[Bob Hope]

Two, please. I'm a senior.

[Peggy Ryan]

Well, Ronald.

[Bob Hope]

Well, Francine, darling. I thought that delightful aroma was familiar. Tell me, what is it?

[Peggy Ryan]

Chanel Number five. Mmm. You have a definite smell of art. You. What is it?

[Bob Hope]

Chemistry lab number 1A.

[Jerry Colonna]

Oh, boy.

[Bob Hope]

One ice cream cone, please.

[Peggy Ryan]

One ice cream cone for the two of us.

[Wendell Niles]

We'll share it.

[Bob Hope]

You may eat from the big end.

[Wendell Niles]

Here's your cone.

[Bob Hope]

One moment, my good man. You had your thumb in the ice cream.

[Wendell Niles]

Well, I can stand here all night. Hurry up and finish licking it.

[Bob Hope]

Is that strawberry or your nail polish? Excuse me, Francine. I think I'll move over to this other stool.

[Peggy Ryan]

Goodness, Ronald, I wish you'd wear a smaller Phi Beta Kappa key.

[Bob Hope]

Oh, don't be ridic. It saves me the bother of carrying a cane. By the way, old bean, how about marrying me?

[Peggy Ryan]

You want me to marry you?

[Jerry Colonna]

Yes.

[Bob Hope]

Should we give it a whirl?

[Peggy Ryan]

Well, I don't want to hurt your feelings, Ronald, but I really consider you the ugliest, stupidest, most hopelessly, half witty.

[Bob Hope]

I have two tickets to the Rose bowl game.

[Peggy Ryan]

You have?

[Jerry Colonna]

I now pronounce you man and wife. To death or UCLA do you part.

[Peggy Ryan]

I saw you standing in the sun and you were something to see I know what I like and I liked what I saw and I said to myself There for me A lovely morning.

[Jerry Colonna]

I remarked and you work with to.

[Bob Hope]

Agree.

[Peggy Ryan]

You wanted to walk and I nodded my head As I breathlessly said.

[Jerry Colonna]

For me I left you standing under.

[Peggy Ryan]

Stars the days that centers are through.

[Jerry Colonna]

There'S nothing for me but the dream in my heart and the dream in.

[Peggy Ryan]

My heart that's for me O my darling that.

[Jerry Colonna]

For you I left you standing under the star these adventures are through there's nothing for me but the dream in my heart and the dream.

[Peggy Ryan]

In my heart for you oh, my God. For you.

[Bob Hope]

Thank you very much, Francis. And stick around till we hear from our Surprise guest star. How about you, Mr. Niles? That's your name?

[Jerry Colonna]

Wendell Niles.

[Wendell Niles]

Yes, thank you very much.

[Bob Hope]

Step in and sell it, dad. That's your racket.

[Wendell Niles]

Despite years of faithful brushing, despite any other toothpaste you've tried, see if your teeth aren't noticeably brighter in just one week after you change to Pepsodent toothpaste. You see, Pepsodent toothpaste contains irum, the exclusive cleansing ingredient. Pepsodent toothpaste with Irium removes the film that makes your teeth look dull. It loosens film and floats it away quickly, easily, safely brings new brilliance to your teeth. So forget other brands you've tried. Change to Pepsodent toothpaste and in just one week, see the difference in the brightness of your teeth, the sparkle of your smile. Ask for refreshing Pepsodent toothpaste because Pepsodent and only Pepsodent, contains Irium.

[Jerry Colonna]

Dear Miriam. Dear Miriam. Now she's heard of Miriam. So the telephone ring is a busy thing.

[Peggy Ryan]

Hello?

[Jerry Colonna]

Some number.

[Peggy Ryan]

Hello? Some numbers.

[Jerry Colonna]

So folks just say, like Miriam, you there.

[Wendell Niles]

Excitement here on the Southern California campus is building to a tense peak as homecoming week and the football season race towards Saturday's climax. The excitement has spread to Bob. He had decided to join the Southern California squad.

[Bob Hope]

Upon.

[Wendell Niles]

Upon hearing that Bob is to play football for Southern California, the president of the university is aghast.

[Jerry Colonna]

He says, exactum gast ex bellum. Or in English, get that spook out of here.

[Wendell Niles]

When Francis Langford was asked to comment on Bob Blaine football for usc, she.

[Peggy Ryan]

Said, I'm very proud. After all, why shouldn't I be? He borrowed my bloomers.

[Bob Hope]

We.

[Wendell Niles]

We now take you to the USC locker room where the coach, Rufus Von Cravath Colonna.

[Jerry Colonna]

I'm sorry, Jeff boy.

[Wendell Niles]

It's giving the team a pep talk before the game. The coach is speaking.

[Jerry Colonna]

All right, man. Quiet, quiet, quiet. Who's the jackass doing all that? Brain.

[Bob Hope]

Silly me.

[Jerry Colonna]

Quite an echo in here, isn't there? Listen, men, we're going out there to play football today. We're gonna play hard. We're gonna play for all we're worth. But above all, we're going to play fair. Oh, no, no, no, no, no. Don't applaud, don't applaud. Give that cement a chance to hide around your brass knuckles. Kelowna.

[Bob Hope]

Kelowna. Are you the football coach here?

[Peggy Ryan]

That's right.

[Jerry Colonna]

Hope J. Crossbar. Kelowna football coach. Lover of clean sport and champion of fair play. Also answers to all examinations. So cheap.

[Bob Hope]

Professor, you're non compos Medicine.

[Jerry Colonna]

I know. They just pledged me yesterday. Well, that's all, men. Now get in there and win for dear old ucla. Ucla?

[Bob Hope]

Ucla?

[Jerry Colonna]

Culoda. This is usc.

[Peggy Ryan]

It is?

[Jerry Colonna]

Of course. Silly Bee must have gone on the wrong bus this morning. All right now, man, get dressed. It's almost game time.

[Bob Hope]

Okay, Coco. Bob, give me a hand with my uniform. Yeah. Say, skin. Look at you. The last time I saw you undress, you were just skin and bone. Was I? Yeah. What happened to the skin? Ah, stop kibissing, Bob.

[Wendell Niles]

I got a strap on this chest protector.

[Bob Hope]

Where Skinny Hennis wearing a chest protector? That's funny. Hey, what's so funny about it?

[Jerry Colonna]

You wear a helmet.

[Bob Hope]

You got the band writing material for you now?

[Jerry Colonna]

All right, men, we're about to go on the field. Now, here are my final plans. Niles, you play left tackle. Ennis, you play center. And Hope you stay in the car and keep the motor running. Wrong plans.

[Bob Hope]

We're ready, Coach.

[Jerry Colonna]

Fine. Remember, man, I've got it all fixed. No matter what you do to the referee, the referee won't stop the play.

[Bob Hope]

The referee won't stop the play. How come?

[Jerry Colonna]

I just stole the bean out of his whistle.

[Peggy Ryan]

Ah, yes.

[Jerry Colonna]

Now I've got my final surprise. I've got a new player here for the backfield.

[Bob Hope]

New player?

[Jerry Colonna]

Yeah. Say something. Flash.

[Bob Hope]

Colonna.

[Jerry Colonna]

Cow. You gonna put a cow in our backfield? Sure. Think how confused they'll get trying to figure out whether she's carrying the ball or.

[Bob Hope]

Look, Coach, could we kind of hurry out on the field? I might have a chance to speak to my girl, Francis.

[Jerry Colonna]

Oh, is she here?

[Bob Hope]

Yeah, I gave her a couple of tickets so she could bring her little nephew, Junior, otherwise known as Red Skelton.

[Peggy Ryan]

Come on, Junior, hurry up. Wasn't nice of Bob Dylan. Give us the ticket.

[Jerry Colonna]

I don't know, Aunt Francis. Goodness, this is awful high up, isn't it? I can't stand the heights. I'm getting dizzy. I think I'm going to black out or something.

[Peggy Ryan]

Now, Junior, we aren't that high up.

[Jerry Colonna]

We ain't, huh? A P38 just passed underneath.

[Peggy Ryan]

Well, there's the team coming out on the field. There's Bob D. Must have the most important player on the team. He's the only one that's got a bucket.

[Jerry Colonna]

Which one is he? Which one is he?

[Peggy Ryan]

He's the one I'm pointing at.

[Jerry Colonna]

Oh, what a cute little face. Handy, too. He can point without using his fingers. Hey, Hulk, put on a nose guard without you. Offside.

[Peggy Ryan]

Junior. Oh, Robert, Yoo. Hoo.

[Jerry Colonna]

Wait, let me whistle at him. I'll whistle. Let him know he's here. Well, there goes your last of me baby tape. Gee, now I won't have no use for that tube of Peptidine he promised me with.

[Peggy Ryan]

Here he comes up here, Robert.

[Bob Hope]

Oh, hello, Francis. Say, your face looks very pretty today.

[Jerry Colonna]

Ain't she pretty? You'd never know her face was warmed over from last night, would you?

[Peggy Ryan]

How are you, Bob? Oh, Bob, this is my little nephew, Junior. I had to bring him along to the game with me.

[Bob Hope]

Well, what's the matter? Haven't you got a deep freeze locker?

[Peggy Ryan]

Well, hello, hello, hello.

[Jerry Colonna]

Ah, shut up.

[Peggy Ryan]

Junior. Now say hello to Robert Hope.

[Jerry Colonna]

I don't want to.

[Peggy Ryan]

I said say hello.

[Jerry Colonna]

You let me ignore him or I will bang my head against this cement wall. I will.

[Bob Hope]

Stop banging your head on that wall. Do you want to chip the cement? Come here, I want to talk to you. I'd like to dunk you in ddt.

[Jerry Colonna]

Come here a second. Come here. Let me go. Let go me.

[Peggy Ryan]

Aim.

[Jerry Colonna]

Let go.

[Peggy Ryan]

Stop pulling his arm.

[Bob Hope]

I'm not pulling his arm. I'm just holding on. He's doing the pulling now.

[Jerry Colonna]

Don't you hold me.

[Bob Hope]

I'm not going to hit you. I think you're very cute and I want you to pat you on the back part. That's all.

[Jerry Colonna]

You brought me widow back. I didn't touch your back.

[Bob Hope]

I tapped you on the shoulder blade.

[Jerry Colonna]

You didn't cut yourself, did you? Hey, hurry, Hope, get out of the field. The game is about to start.

[Peggy Ryan]

Hey, I want to play football too.

[Jerry Colonna]

Huh? What do you mean play football too? I want to play. All right. Say, Hope, pacify this pest. Let him kick the ball.

[Bob Hope]

All right, here, Junior. Now here, I'll hold the ball and you kick it.

[Jerry Colonna]

Trusting old soul, ain't you? Okay, you ready? Here I come.

[Bob Hope]

Little nearsighted, ain't you, kid? Thanks for the memory of usc, our host known from coast to coast scholastic famer college game. Your deeds deserve a toast and we thank you so much. Thank you very much, Peggy Ryan. And we want to thank Red Skelton, who played the part of Junior, for being with us tonight. I'll drop in on your show next week, Red. You know, Red Skelton has just finished serving a hitch in Uncle Sam's Hospital Ships Company. And we want to wish you every success when you start back in the air next Tuesday with your own show for Raleigh cigarettes. And thanks a lot. And thanks to President Rufus Beek von Kleinsmith, Arnold Eddy and Bill Chapman and all you students for a swell evening here at the University of Southern California. You know, folks, a lot of guys who were out digging foxholes not long ago here at USC under the GI Bill of Rights, digging for an education that got nipped when the nips went berserk in 41. These are the kids who pulled us out when we were bogged down to the axle. Now it's our turn to pull them for a while. And if we're loaded with bonds, we're pulling. But if the moths flew back in our wallets on VJ Day, we're not only taking a free ride, we're dragging our feet. The GI Bill of Rights is America's promise to the serviceman. A promise to make up a little of that time and opportunity he lost when he fought to keep this, the land of opportunity, victory. Bonds are the teeth in that promise. But to give it a full set of teeth, everybody has to buy bonds. You know, there's a song that goes, good, good, good. That's you. That's you. When the US government makes a promise, it expects 140 million of us to make it good. Because the US government, mister, that's you. That's you. Good night. Tonight, Captain has presented Rob Hole broadcasting.

[Wendell Niles]

From the campus of the University of Southern California. This is Wendell Niles reminding you to always use Pepsoden, the product of number one. With the men and women in the service, this is the National Broadcasting Company.