Candid Microphone 47-08-10 (07) Collecting for the OSCFFNE

Summary

Podcast Title: Harold's Old Time Radio
Episode: Candid Microphone 47-08-10 (07) Collecting for the OSCFFNE
Release Date: February 12, 2025
Host: Harolds Old Time Radio
Description: Radio shows from the Golden Age of Radio, capturing the essence of family gatherings around the radio to enjoy classic programs like The Shadow, Abbott & Costello, Amos & Andy, and Dragnet.

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Introduction to Candid Microphone

The episode begins with an introduction to the Candid Microphone, a program designed to capture secretly recorded reactions of ordinary people in various situations. The host emphasizes the show's objective to bring listeners closer to reality by hiding microphones and capturing genuine, off-guard interactions.

Notable Quote:
Host [00:00]: "The Candid Microphone is seven weeks old today, we'd like to take a minute out for kind of a seventh inning stretch."

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Segment 1: Charity Collection for OSCFFNE

The first major segment focuses on a charity collection drive for the Organization for Collecting Funds for Needy Eskimos (OSCFFNE). The host engages with a passerby to solicit donations, highlighting the unique and somewhat dubious nature of the charity.

Key Points:

• The OSCFFNE claims that a warm winter has severely impacted Eskimos, melting igloos and disrupting their economy.
• The host attempts to persuade the individual by detailing the plight of the Eskimos, despite the listener's skepticism about the organization's legitimacy.

Notable Quotes:
Host [02:50]: "We're collecting funds for needy Eskimos... Their whole economy is disturbed, and a lot of their igloos melted."
Passerby [04:50]: "First time I've heard of them."

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Segment 2: Repairmen’s Argument Over a Wallet

In this segment, the narrator explains how the team set up a scenario to capture authentic conflict between two repairmen arguing over a found wallet. The conversation humorously escalates as both parties claim ownership of the wallet.

Key Points:

• The wallet contains only $11, with no identification, leading to confusion and argument.
• The interaction showcases the repairmen’s stubbornness and inability to resolve the dispute amicably.

Notable Quotes:
Repairman 1 [06:34]: "I'm going to keep it. This is mine now."
Host [07:10]: "Why? Because I found it. Keep finding it."

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Segment 3: Listener Feedback – Negative Review

The host addresses listener feedback from a dissatisfied viewer who criticized the Candid Microphone for being intrusive and deceptive. The conversation delves into the ethical considerations of secretly recording individuals without their prior knowledge.

Key Points:

• The listener feels the program is "snooping" and likens it to spy tactics.
• Discussion on whether compensating participants would mitigate the negative perception.
• Illustrates the tension between authentic recording and respecting individuals' privacy.

Notable Quotes:
Listener (Repairman 2) [09:46]: "I think it's snooping out and out snooping."
Host [10:50]: "Do you think it would make it any less offensive if you knew that we did pay everybody whose voice we recorded?"

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Segment 4: Arithmetic Problem Challenge

The host presents an arithmetic division problem to unsuspecting strangers, highlighting the general public's confusion with dividing fractions. The segment serves as both an educational snippet and a comedic exploration of mathematical misunderstandings.

Key Points:

• The problem posed: "How do you divide seven eighths by three quarters?"
• Responses range from partial solutions to complete confusion, emphasizing the difficulty many face with fraction division.

Notable Quotes:
Host [15:03]: "Tell me, do you remember any of your division from school? A little of it."
Narrator [16:25]: "As far as I know, we never divide a fraction into a fraction."

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Segment 5: Conversations with Blind Veterans

This intimate segment captures a heartfelt and mundane conversation between two blind veterans. Their discussion revolves around daily routines, such as shaving, and experiences from their past, providing listeners with a glimpse into their lives.

Key Points:

• The veterans discuss their shaving habits, sharing anecdotes about learning to shave without a mirror during military maneuvers.
• The conversation highlights their camaraderie and the small challenges they face daily.

Notable Quotes:
Veteran 1 [19:24]: "I shave twice a day... When you were in England, that's all you did is shave."
Veteran 2 [20:52]: "I never trust a woman to shave me. They're too dangerous."

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Segment 6: Waiter Interaction Over Menu Customization

In a humorous exchange, the host attempts to modify a fixed-price meal at a restaurant, only to encounter inflexible responses from the waiter. The dialogue underscores the challenges of making personalized changes in a rigid service setting.

Key Points:

• The host requests multiple alterations to a $1.50 meal, including changes to juice, soup, and vegetables.
• The waiter maintains a strict policy, refusing to accommodate the host's preferences despite repeated requests.

Notable Quotes:
Host [22:14]: "I think I'd like to have this special dinner here. Do I have to take that tomato juice?"
Waiter [22:35]: "No, you don't have to take the tomato juice, but I won't take it off the price."

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Conclusion

The episode wraps up with the narrator reflecting on the day's recordings, emphasizing the authenticity and unpredictability of real-life interactions captured by the Candid Microphone. Listeners are encouraged to engage with the show by providing feedback and anticipating future episodes that continue to unveil genuine human behavior.

Notable Quote:
Narrator [27:40]: "We go about putting this show together. When we want a tailor, we go right to a tailor shop. And when we want a housewife, we knock on their door."

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Final Thoughts

This episode of Candid Microphone masterfully blends humorous scenarios with poignant real-life conversations, staying true to its mission of capturing unfiltered human interactions. From charitable endeavors and mathematical confusions to heartfelt dialogues and rigid service encounters, the show delivers a diverse array of content that entertains while offering glimpses into everyday life.

Closing Quote:
Host [28:10]: "Next week, ABC's Candid Microphone will bring you more actual scenes from real life, exactly as they happen."

Transcript

[Host]

All you homeowners have unique needs. Some feel the need to paint their door a vibrant shade of blue. Others have the need to decorate their bathroom with fish anchors and other nautical items. And because each homeowner has unique needs, GEICO helps you get the right coverage for your home and what's in it. That way, you get exactly what's right for you, even if your needs are unique. Get more with geico. The American Broadcasting Company presents the Candid Microphone, the program that brings you the secretly recorded reactions of ordinary people to all kinds of situations. No one ever knows when he's talking into the candid microphone. Here's that man who might get you on record someday. The man with the hidden mic. Because the candid microphone is seven weeks old today, we'd like to take a minute out for kind of a seventh inning stretch. For one thing, we'd like to say that you listeners have certainly been playing ball with it. We once tried to buy a watch that runs backwards, and you sent us two that actually do. We tried to get a hotel room for a trained SEAL. And 14 sympathetic housewives have offered us their bathtubs. We took a mongrel puppy to a dog beauty parlor, and scores of you have asked how he looks in his new continental trim. Of course, there have been brick bats among your sweet bouquets. And you'll hear about one of those in a few minutes. Although many of our secret recordings are made in the spirit of fun, our real purpose is to get closer to reality by hiding our microphone and catching people off guard. Our narrator will now give you the inside story behind each of the secret recordings captured this week by the candid microphone.

[Narrator]

Sweet charity, we've been told, is something that begins at home. If you've ever heard the rattle of coins in a collection box, you know that charity reaches out in the streets of any big city. But where does charity end? Very often, we drop our dime or quarter in the little box held out to us without really knowing too much about it. Except that someone needs something. One day last week, the man with the hidden mike set out to test the limit of people's generosity with his little rattling collection box. You'll hear it as he talks. He had faith and hope that the first man he stopped in the street would give his little donation no matter what the charity. After he had been ignored by a score of busy people, this secret record was made.

[Host]

No, I'm sorry. We're collecting money for the Ofc Fnet. What? What was that? It's the Ofcf Fne. It's the organization for collecting funds for needy Eskimos. First time I've heard of that one. Well, who are they? What are they? What are they doing? Well, as a matter of fact, very few people in this country know what hardships they're enduring. There, you see, they had a warm winter, and that really, it upsets them terribly. Their whole economy is disturbed, and a lot of their igloos melted. And a lot of their folks are without the proper clothing envy. They have clothes for cold weather, but they have nothing that they can wear in the warm weather. Well, I think they take off their clothes, doesn't it? No, no, it doesn't work that way. Well, I imagine that they can fill themselves up again on their own. There's plenty of ice up there to build the igloo. Well, that's true, sir, but they can use our help and any little thing that you can spare. They're really. They need it. You know how a polar bear feels in the warm weather. Well, how could you turn down a warm Eskimo, sir? It's not a large contribution. A dime a quarter or anything like that. No, sorry. There are more worthy organizations. Well, no, there are more publicized organizations, sir, but this is really a very fine cause. If you could see those Eskimos up there, you'd really appreciate their circumstances. The others are publicized. I've never heard of this one before. Well, it's very, very fine. It's the OFC fne. And I'm sure that it's worth your support, sir. Anything that you. All voluntary workers. All voluntary work. We contribute our time and everything else. No, we don't solicit through the mail. It's a poor little organization. We're collecting funds on street corners and wherever we can. And it's very worthwhile. What do you do with the money? We send it up there to the Eskimo and money? Or in money and supplies and food stuffs and everything else, sir. And they're really. It's something you can be proud to have contributed to. First time I've heard of them. Well, you may hear more. Oh, they are, sir. Believe me. They're in dire circum. You can imagine what a warm winter would do up there. It's just as bad as a hurricane down here. It's something you can deduct from your income tax. Well, I'll be glad to give a small contribution. All right. That's fine. Thank you very much.

[Narrator]

If this appeal has melted your heart, contribute your ice cubes to any branch office of the ofc, FF and E. You wouldn't let a few dollars come between friends, would you? Well, we would. Especially if we could get another secret recording of the whole thing. We had been listening to a couple of repairmen working in the hallway outside our office. They sounded like a couple of rough characters, the kind we hadn't really captured yet on candid microphone. So we figured out a way to get them into a little argument. While they were out to lunch, we rigged up our recorder and mike and a valise and planted it near the spot where they had left their tools. And just to be sure that they'd have something to talk about, we dropped a wallet with $11 in it where they couldn't help seeing it. Then we waited in our office for something to happen. We listened as they found it, and when it began to sound as though we had tuned in on a fight, the man with the hidden mic rushed out as usual to put his 2 cents worth in or to get his 11 bucks back. The talk was about beginning to turn into action when we began recording.

[Host]

I found a wallet here, and I'm going to keep it. I was right alongside of you, man. You almost knocked me over trying to pick it up. That's all right. I found it and I'm going to keep it. And you can't do nothing about it. Let's see what's in it. Oh, no, fella, this is mine. I'm going to keep it in my pocket. Listen, for two cents, I'd knock you.

[Repairman 1]

Right on your back.

[Host]

Wait, wait, wait, wait. What's the matter here, fella? Well, listen, I found this one.

[Repairman 1]

This here.

[Host]

Is it yours? Well, it's mine now. It happens to be mine. Oh, wait a minute. I expect to get half of this thing away. Wait a second, you butt. Added it for a while, will you, buddy? Please, Just one second. I don't. All right, go ahead. Is it your wallet, fella? It's mine now. I found it, but I'm telling you it's mine. I'll tell you exactly what's in it. What's in it? There's $11. There's a 10 and a 1 and nothing else? No cards, no nothing. Is there no name in there? No name. You'll see. Is there? Yeah. Tell me the last number. The $10 bill. Oh, come on, buddy, you're.

[Repairman 1]

Well, how do I know?

[Host]

I told you exactly how much money there was in it. It's mine. It's yours. I dropped it there a few minutes. Suppose we call a cop and I'll Take it. Never mind the cop. Isn't that. Is it yours? It's mine now. I got it.

[Narrator]

If you want it, you'll have to.

[Host]

Get down and battle for it down the. No, no, no, no. Don't you think it's fair that I should get it first? No, I think you're a phony. What do you mean you think I'm a phony? I. I identified the wallet as if nobody through this hallway in the last hour. What do you mean? I. I left all this equipment here 15 minutes ago. I must have dropped it when I put this stuff down. Oh, knock him on his back, Bill. I picked it up and I'm going to keep it.

[Narrator]

No, no, no.

[Host]

That. Fellas, now you're not being fair about this thing. This is my wallet. I don't know you. Is it yours? It's mine now.

[Narrator]

Why?

[Host]

Because I find it. Keep finding it. That's for kids. That's what you say. Fine. Is keep. Is that my little girl? Yeah, but how do I know a guy like you? I don't know you. I said that it's mine and I proved it to you. Anybody can come along and pick up this wall and say it is his.

[Narrator]

No, no, no.

[Host]

I identify. Nobody's gonna pick $11 out of a hat. That's no mean of identification. Why not? I tell you how much there is in it and say exactly what's in it and tell you there's no cards or anything else. Ah, the man just took a good guess, that's all. He was lucky. I got some money in my pocket. Now I gotta search him. Wait a second. I got a certain number of bills in my pocket. Can you guess how much money there is in it? Well, you just took a good guess, that's all. You say you lucky. I'm not lucky. I'm trying to get half of this here money. You come my wallet. Well, I'm sorry, buddy, you don't get it. And I don't think I'm going to give it. And you try to get it. I'm going to piff you in a kiss it.

[Narrator]

We don't have a studio audience at the broadcasts of Candid Microphone. But every showman likes applause, so we take our little bow when your letters come in. But once in a while we get a few hisses and cat calls. Well, that's okay, too, because we want you to speak your mind like those people whose voices you hear on our secret recordings. One lady took us at our word and wrote us a few well chosen ones that really Made our ears burn. Now, even an angry woman has the privilege of changing her mind. And we decided that the man with the hidden mic was just the man to do it. This lady lived in an apartment house. So we got a next door neighbor to let us set up our recorder in her apartment and brought the hidden mic right to her door, where we got the following recording.

[Host]

I'm with the American Broadcasting Company, and I wonder if I could have just a couple of minutes of your time. Is that all right?

[Repairman 2]

Yes.

[Host]

You wrote us a letter the other day about one of our programs called the Candid Microphone. And I gather from your letter that you don't like it very much.

[Repairman 2]

No, I don't.

[Host]

Well, why? What are some of the things you find objectionable about it?

[Repairman 2]

Well, I don't like it because I think it's snooping out and out snooping.

[Host]

Is that right? In your letter, you said it a little more strongly. You said you thought we were a bunch of dirty, sneaking spies. That was kind of strong language. You feel that much about it, huh?

[Repairman 2]

Well, I suppose at the time when I was listening to the program, I felt that way.

[Host]

And how about right now?

[Repairman 2]

I also think it's a cheap way of doing things. You know, you might pay a person for appearing at the program, at the microphone.

[Host]

Oh, I see.

[Repairman 2]

Yes, I know. That's one of your tactics, no doubt. You want to save. So you get these people in their homes extemporaneously answering questions that they. Who probably would have to pay for if they were rehearsed.

[Host]

Well, do you think it would make it any less offensive if you knew that we did pay everybody whose voice we recorded. Would we be all right then?

[Repairman 2]

I think it would be, yes. Less offensive.

[Host]

Do you think that's snooping?

[Repairman 2]

Yes, it is. It's still snooping. The easiest manner is for you to come into their homes, knock on their doors when you want. Go into people's bedrooms, you know.

[Host]

Bedrooms?

[Repairman 2]

Yes, of course. I heard that one program about the. What was it? You went into some man's bedroom.

[Host]

Oh, you mean the one where the wife awakened the husband awakened the husband.

[Repairman 2]

And there was a poor fellow he didn't know he was talking for speaking for the public. It sort of put him in a bad light, don't you think? After all the way you awaken, did you ever hear your own private affair?

[Host]

Well, you may have something there, but don't you think it's funny the sounds a man makes when he awakens?

[Repairman 2]

Yes, they're funny, but they're only for him, though. In his own bedroom. And I'm sure he doesn't enjoy having the whole world know about it. Did you?

[Host]

Well, would you? It was a man's bedroom and we had his wife's permission to come in there. You feel like that was.

[Repairman 2]

You had his wife's permission?

[Host]

Sure. She arranged to let us come in there and record his voice.

[Repairman 2]

Poor fellow, you can't trust you very well, can he?

[Host]

Well, do you? Are you married?

[Repairman 2]

No, I'm not. But I have a brother and we have the same difficulty getting him up. Or rather his wife has. Now.

[Host]

Do you help? Once in a while.

[Repairman 2]

I used to have the position.

[Host]

Don't you think most people are nervous and self conscious in front of a microphone?

[Repairman 2]

Not anymore. I think most people take to a microphone very nicely.

[Host]

Do you feel you'd talk just about the same way if you knew you were talking to a microphone right now?

[Repairman 2]

Yes, I would.

[Host]

There'd be no difference whatsoever.

[Repairman 2]

No difference?

[Host]

Well, now, look. Let me show you. This is a microphone. And what you've just said is ready to go out from coast to coast. Does that make any difference to you?

[Repairman 2]

What am I supposed to do at this point? Thanks.

[Repairman 1]

Getaway.

[Host]

Do you mind our coming in here and talking to you this way? Do you think we took an unfair advantage of you?

[Repairman 2]

I think so.

[Host]

At the moment, this conversation may not be worth a nickel, but would you like to have it on the air?

[Repairman 2]

Yes.

[Host]

You would?

[Repairman 2]

Of course I would. Because I want the whole world to know of my opinion on this program.

[Narrator]

Most any woman would be glad to give you a piece of her mind. We had to pay $15 for that piece. If you've missed our first six programs, here's something you should know on how we go about putting this show together. And when we say go about, we really mean just that. If we wanted actors, we wouldn't have to budge an inch out of Radio City. But on candid microphone, we try to portray people as they really are and as they really sound. And we've found that no one can do a better job of that than the people themselves. That's why we go about putting this show together. When we want a tailor, we go right to a tailor shop. And when we want a housewife, we. We knock on their door. What's more, even then, we don't tell them why we're there until after we've caught them in the act of being themselves. We hide our microphone and make a secret recording of whatever you hear at the time it actually happened. The man with the hidden microphone may Even get around to you someday. But don't bother looking for him because you'll never know when you are talking into the candid microphone. Usually when you have a problem, you go around asking advice until you get the advice you want. Some problems, though, can have only one answer. Like a simple problem in arithmetic. You wouldn't think so, though, if you ask more than one person. Give four normally calculating people an 8th grade problem in division and between them they'll come up with more dividends than a matured war bond. Now, before you go helping Junior with his homework let's see how much you've forgotten about the third of the three R's. Listen to a little problem we put to unsuspecting strangers.

[Host]

Tell me, do you remember any of your division from school? A little of it. How do you divide seven, eight by three quarters? Seven eighths by three quarters? Yeah. You find a common denominator and proceed from there. Not too difficult from that Common denominator. Don't you use that when you add. No, not the common denominator. When you're adding the common denominator, I guess would be eight. Common denominator would be eight. That would be. You would. You would multiply the three or three quarters by two, which would make six, eight and the. And the four of the three quarters by two, which would make. Then six, eight would be seven eighths divided by six, eight. Yeah. From there it'd require a little pencil. Pencil and paper to carry it on out. How do you divide 7, 8 by 3 quarters? Isn't 78 equivalent to 3 quarters? No, 7 8. 78 is much more than 3 quarters. That's right. Just a little bit more. Yeah. 2, 8 would be a quarter. Well, you divide us. You mean divide three quarters into seven eighths? Yeah. Not me. No, there is a way. I remember we learned it.

[Narrator]

As far as I know, we never.

[Host]

Divide a fraction into a fraction.

[Narrator]

We always divide a fraction into a number.

[Host]

Yeah, but I mean, for instance, you have. How many times does a half go into 2/3? You divide one fraction into the other, don't you?

[Narrator]

10.

[Host]

I never heard of that. I doubt very much if you divide a fraction, it's impossible because you'll have an uneven number. Yeah, but you might get an answer of a fraction. Like, for instance, you could say, how much is a quarter of a quarter? That really is dividing two fractions.

[Repairman 1]

Quarter of a quarter, is it. Quarter of a quarter is.

[Host]

Gee, we learned it in school and we forgot.

[Repairman 1]

Is it.

[Host]

There is a. Can you tell me how you divide seven eighths by three quarters. Multiply the. What am I? Seven eighths by three quarters. Multiply seven by three. On the eighth by eighth you're 2164. Say that again. Now maybe you've got it right. Multiply the seven by three, seven eight by three quarters. Yeah. All right. That'll be 2130 seconds, the end to the four. 21 32. That's right. And as to the answer you get if you divide seven eighths by three quarters? I believe so.

[Repairman 1]

Seven eighths by three quarters?

[Host]

Yeah. I'd change three quarters into 75 and.

[Narrator]

Then divide it by seven eighths.

[Host]

What I'd get.

[Repairman 2]

I don't know.

[Host]

I'd have to do you change 3/4 into 75 and then what?

[Narrator]

And then divide it by 7 8.

[Host]

So? But you're dividing 78 by 3/4.

[Narrator]

Well, I. Just do it the same way and turn it around. 70. Oh point. 75.

[Host]

Yeah.

[Narrator]

Divided by seven, eight.

[Host]

Well, no, you're dividing seven eighths by three quarters.

[Narrator]

I told you not to ask me. If you're having as much trouble getting the correct answer, just ask any 13 year old kid. The next secretly recorded conversation is one between two blinded veterans. Here's how it happened. We had waited with our mic and recorder at the newsstand of a large building and for three hours we recorded the gossip of office girls on their lunch hour as they stopped to gab. But when we played over our secretly made recordings, only one bit stood out. It was the voices of the two blind fellows who ran the newsstand. It's just small talk, but maybe you'll hear something bigger in it. Listen, by the way, Pete, how often.

[Host]

Do you have to shave? Oh, I shave twice a day. Once in the morning and once in the evening. What do you want to shave that much for? Oh, I have to. I work in the morning and the evening I have to go out. How about you? I gotta shave every day. If I don't shave, my wife gets right after me. She used to tell me when. She said when you were in England, that's all you did is shave. So you can do it over here? Well, it takes me about 45 minutes to shave. 45 minutes? That long?

[Narrator]

Well, the bed you've got, all you.

[Host]

Have to do is go outside and.

[Narrator]

Get the cat and let it lick it off.

[Host]

Yes, but the barber tells me it's pretty wiry. Do you use a straight razor? Well, use a straight razor. What do you think I am, crazy? I'll never forget the first time I learned how to shave. I just took that razor, pulled it slow, slow and slow. And when I go out of it, someone would say, hey, did you shave this morning? I'd say, yeah. Well, he says, boy, you sure look funny. I had plenty of practice learning how to shave. My first experience was when I was running maneuvers out in the desert when there was no mirrors and I had to shave without a mirror. Well, I had experience like that in France. Had a two weeks beard and shaved with cold water and no mirror. Well, that's not so bad.

[Repairman 2]

What?

[Host]

Two weeks without shaving? By the way, do you let your wife shave you? Oh, no. I never trust a woman to shave me. Why not? They're too dangerous. Listen, as good looking as you are, you don't have to worry about anything.

[Narrator]

These two blind veterans didn't sound any different than a million other guys passing the time of day, did they? Okay, don't treat them any different. That's the way they wanted. Just lean back a minute while we paint you a beautiful picture. Suppose you are the greatest guy in the world. Nobody, but nobody, laughs when you sit down at the piano. You've won a million friends and you've influenced everybody else. Your muscles have muscles. And the women who can't whistle just burst their lips when you pass. You've got a country home in every country and a townhouse in every town. You've got so much money in the bank the interest bores you. And when you shoot over 70 on the Golf course, men mash their mashes and flags fly at half mast. What a man, what a tycoon. And that's you. Okay now, big shot. See, you walk into any restaurant and try to get the waiter to substitute one teeny item on a buck and a half blue plate. See if you can get any further than the man with the hidden mic did. He tried it and it went like this.

[Host]

Waiter, I think I'd like to have this special dinner here. Yeah?

[Repairman 1]

What do you like to have?

[Host]

Let's see now. It says a dollar and a half, tomato juice, vegetable soup, roast beef. Listen, I like to have this special dinner, but do I have to take that tomato juice?

[Repairman 1]

No, you don't have to take the tomato juice, but I won't take it off the price, I mean. A dollar and a half, it's altogether a dollar and a half. The tomato juice or not, it's just the same.

[Host]

Yeah, but I mean, can I have pineapple juices?

[Repairman 1]

No, we haven't added them. That's the Filip. It's made up that way by the Chef and I have to.

[Host]

Have you got some. Let's see. Any other kind of juice?

[Repairman 1]

No, only tomato juice.

[Host]

Only tomato juice. Vegetable soup. You got any consummate or anything like that?

[Repairman 1]

No, no vegetable soup. Just a veg on the pillar. Fair.

[Host]

Vegetable soup, huh? I don't like vegetable soup.

[Repairman 1]

Well, I can hurt that. If you don't like vegetable soup, eat the roast beef and pay a dollar and a half just the same.

[Host]

Could I have a. Could I change the soup for some fruit salad?

[Repairman 1]

Oh, no, you can't change a soup either for fruit salad. That stays that way and that's made up. I don't make up the bill of hair. See, I got some costume up here.

[Host]

Oh, wait, wait, wait. No, wait just a second. All right, now to roast beef with carrots and peas. Can I change that to string beans?

[Repairman 1]

No, carrots and peas. That's the.

[Host]

Oh, but carrots and peas. I don't like carrots and peas.

[Repairman 1]

Oh, then you eat it without carrots and peas.

[Host]

Or what other vegetable can I have?

[Repairman 1]

Nothing. Eat the potatoes. Double portion potatoes.

[Host]

Can I have any vegetable?

[Repairman 1]

No.

[Host]

Can I have a salad?

[Repairman 1]

No, no, no. Charlotte.

[Host]

What flavor ice cream you got?

[Repairman 1]

Vanilla and chocolate.

[Host]

No strawberry.

[Repairman 1]

No strawberry. No, not a tag.

[Host]

Well, what other dessert. Do you have any.

[Repairman 1]

Oh, vanilla and chocolate ice cream. Either you take vanilla or you take chocolate, or two without it. No, but look, mister, you're taking my time away.

[Host]

No, no, wait just a second. I want this dinner, but I can't find anything I like on it yet.

[Repairman 1]

Well, if you don't like it here, eat a sandwich.

[Host]

No, I like the dollar and a half dinner. That's a good buy, but that's all that is. Can you give me any? Just a little fruit salad for they dessert.

[Repairman 1]

I can't do it. What do you think, the chef throw me out of the. Catch me if I go in after asking for a poop salad.

[Host]

So far you haven't given me anything I like. Well, no. Here. All right, look. Let's start. I don't like tomato juice.

[Repairman 1]

You like tomato juice. You don't like no soup, but you like the roast beef. Yeah, but you don't like no carrots and peas.

[Host]

Right?

[Repairman 1]

You want ice cream, but you don't like the vanilla ice cream. You don't like the chug.

[Host]

If I could have this dollar and a half dinner with tomato juice. I'll even take tomato juice. Nice. Consummate. I got no consummate roast beef with the string beans and French fried potatoes. And I'll even take the ice Cream.

[Repairman 1]

Either. You take it. Oh, no, I don't go in the chef. The chef's gonna run with the kitchen knife. Afternoon.

[Host]

No, sir. Up. Can't you change it a little bit?

[Repairman 1]

No, no, nothing changed. According. That's the standby. And that's all that st I work on. According to schedule.

[Host]

The what?

[Repairman 1]

According to schedule. That's a schedule for me.

[Host]

What do you mean? It's a dinner, that's all right, but.

[Repairman 1]

For me it's a schedule. What I've got on here, I gotta sell. I can't sell nothing else what I haven't got on there.

[Host]

Well, maybe he's got a lot of pineapple juice.

[Repairman 1]

I gotta get rid of this stuff.

[Host]

Well, what are you trying to get rid of it on me?

[Repairman 1]

Well, if you don't take it, somebody else will.

[Host]

I'll have to eat. Yeah, but you're here to serve me. Yeah, but I want this dollar and a half dinner. But I want to make a couple of little changes. Ask him about it. Could you take the carrots out and only peach?

[Repairman 1]

No, the carrots and the peach is together and takes two men to pick the carrots out. Then when I bring the beast, you want the carriage in it?

[Host]

No, no, no, no. I don't like carrots. I can't stand it.

[Repairman 1]

Don't eat them. Just pick out the peas.

[Host]

How can I? Why don't you pick out the peas? Give me a double portion of potatoes.

[Repairman 1]

Yeah, but I ain't getting paid for that, sir.

[Host]

Just a little change here and there.

[Repairman 1]

Nothing stubborn. Take it or leave it.

[Host]

Oh, no, no. Well, listen, I'll tell you what. On this $1.50 dinner, if I leave off the tomato juice and I leave off the carrots and peas, how much will a dinner cost?

[Repairman 1]

Still a dollar and a half. And even you only toss one slice of roast beef, it's still a dollar and a half.

[Host]

Well, that's not bad.

[Repairman 1]

Oh, fair enough. There. If you don't can eat, that's not my fault.

[Host]

Do I get bread and butter with it?

[Repairman 1]

Yeah, you get two slices of bread and a piece of butter. No, the toaster broke down. I got no toaster. I came down across the street now and get the toaster fixed.

[Host]

If you got bread, you can have a stove.

[Repairman 1]

Yeah, but I'm not supposed to go behind the stove. That's a. A union man back there.

[Host]

Well, you're a union man.

[Repairman 1]

Yeah, but that's only out in the dining room. That doesn't belong into the kitchen.

[Host]

So what do I have to have it looks like I have no choice. What do I have to have? What can you do for me?

[Repairman 1]

ON well, I give it a whole shooting match, and you pick out whatever you like.

[Narrator]

So until next week, the Candid Microphone goes back into hiding. The better to eavesdrop on the people whose voices are secretly recorded. We mention no names, but you may recognize them all as people that you meet every day. That's because they're real people who never knew that their every word was captured by the Candid Microphone.

[Host]

The Candid Microphone is tailored for your entertainment. That's why we want to hear your candid comments about it. Write to us in care of the American broadcasting company, New York 20, New York. Next week, ABC's Candid microphone will bring you more actual scenes from real life, exactly as they happen. We hope you'll be listening next Sunday when we'll be heard again over most of these ABC stations. On the staff behind the Candid Microphone are Joe Graham, Ralph Norman and John Larson. Candid Microphone is a copyrighted Alan A. Funk production. This is abc, the American Broadcasting Company. It.