Podcast Summary: CBS Suspense 1943-12-23 – "Back For Christmas" starring Peter Lorre

Podcast: Harold's Old Time Radio
Host: Harold's Old Time Radio
Episode Date: December 17, 2025 (original air date: December 23, 1943)
Starring: Peter Lorre
Source: [CBS Suspense: Back For Christmas]

Main Theme & Purpose

This episode presents a classic radio play from the famed "Suspense" series, originally aired on December 23, 1943, titled "Back For Christmas." Starring Peter Lorre, the tale is a darkly comedic, chilling story of a henpecked botanist who hatches a deadly plan to free himself from his domineering wife -- only to learn that fate and irony have plans of their own. The story exemplifies the suspense and macabre humor of Golden Age radio dramas, wrapped in the festive anxiety of holiday homecomings.

Key Discussion Points & Plot Breakdown

1. The Schumacher Household: Henpecked Husband & Managing Wife

• Characters Introduced:
  • Professor Hubert Schumacher: Swiss botanist, meek, dominated by his wife (Peter Lorre).
  • Hermione Schumacher: His critical, detail-oriented wife.
• Establishing the Dynamic (02:03–04:47):
  • Hubert is caught digging a hole in the cellar, which he claims is for a "Devil's Garden" (rare orchids). Hermione berates him for focusing on this instead of preparations for their upcoming voyage to America, reminding him she's managed the household for 20 years.
  • Memorable Quote:
    • Hermione: "Sometimes I think you're going soft in the head, Hubert." (03:13)
    • Professor: "No more digging. I'll show her." (05:11)

2. A Chance at Romance and a Seed of Murder

• Bookshop Scene with Marion Markham (05:44–08:54):
  • Hubert visits the sympathetic Miss Marion Markham, who expresses secret affection for him.
  • They bond over botany and loneliness, hinting at a longing for freedom and companionship.
  • Memorable Quote:
    • Marion: "You need companionship, I think. Someone sympathetic with your work. But the last thing on earth you need is a manager." (08:45)
• Hubert's Secret Phone Call (12:16):
  • Hubert calls Marion, pledging to join her in New York, suggesting he plans to rid himself of Hermione.

3. The Plan Surfaces: Hermione Keeps Control

• Continued Nagging and Suspicion (10:05–13:14):
  • Hermione manages everything, even dictating Hubert’s travel arrangements and dismissing the servants.
  • Hermione suspects Hubert is lying after hearing him arrange a secret meeting on the phone, but he deflects blame onto "Freddy," another friend.

4. Social Farewell & The Cellar Plot

• Farewell Party (17:29–19:43):
  • Friends wish Hermione and Hubert goodbye. Hermione brags: "We absolutely must have you with us for Christmas." (17:49)
  • Hubert muses internally about his plan; he’s timed the burial in the cellar to the minute.
  • Memorable Quote:
    • Hermione: "I will bring him back for Christmas. You may rely on it." (19:34)

5. Crime Executed: Hermione’s Fate

• The Murder (20:25–23:14):
  • Hubert lures Hermione to the bathroom, then strangles her as she protests, stuffing her body in the cellar pit meant for orchids.
  • Notable Line:
    • Hubert: "You thought you were the only one who could plan things, didn't you, Hermione? Well, I've been making some plans of my own this past week." (21:23)
    • Hermione (defiant): "My friends all expect me back for Christmas." (22:12)

6. Aftermath: A Free Man in America?

• Setting Sail and Arrival in New York (23:40–26:14):
  • After disposing of Hermione, Hubert travels to America to meet Marion, maintaining that his "wife" is too ill to leave her cabin.
  • A small mistake in a radiogram hints at Hermione’s influence from beyond the grave, unsettling Hubert.

7. The Ironic Twist: Fate Finds Hubert

• The Christmas Letter (26:34–28:14):
  • In New York, Hubert and Marion receive a letter from a British contractor:
    • Contractors, following Hermione’s instructions (unbeknownst to Hubert), have begun re-digging the cellar pit "for your surprise Christmas present to your husband." The letter reveals they found the filled-in hole and will reopen it — putting Hermione's body on the path to discovery.
  • Final chilling realization:
    • Hubert: "It means that Hermione is right. I will be back for Christmas." (28:03)

8. Closing Irony and Moral Reflection

• The play ends with echoes of Hermione’s refrain, "Back for Christmas," underscoring the inescapability of fate and the dark humor of failed perfect crimes.
• Peter Lorre signs off with a foreboding tease for the next suspense episode.

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• "No more digging. I'll show her." – Professor Schumacher, telegraphing his murderous intent (05:11)
• "You need companionship, I think... the last thing on earth you need is a manager." – Marion Markham, hinting at emotional motivation (08:45)
• "I have learned from watching you all these years." – Hubert, asserting his newfound, deadly competence (22:43)
• "Our man had no difficulty in finding the place where your husband had begun the excavation in the cellar, but apparently he changed his mind at the last moment and filled it in again." – Letter revealing Hermione's posthumous “revenge” (27:16)
• "It means that Hermione is right. I will be back for Christmas." – The ultimate ironic twist, delivered by Hubert (28:03)

Timestamps for Important Segments

• Hubert and Hermione's Cellar Confrontation | 02:03–04:47
• Hubert's Meeting with Marion | 05:44–08:54
• Hermione's Dominance & Hubert’s Secret Call | 10:05–12:16
• Farewell Party and Irony of "Back for Christmas" | 17:29–19:43
• The Murder of Hermione | 20:25–23:14
• The Unraveling: Letter from the Past | 26:34–28:14

Tone & Presentation

The episode combines wry, biting humor typical of mid-century thrillers with tense, slow-building dread. The actors’ clipped British accents, Peter Lorre’s quavering menace, and Hermione’s shrill strictness all add to a claustrophobic and ironic atmosphere. The script relishes in repetition—especially Hermione’s fateful refrain about Christmas—amplifying the suspense and dark comedy.

Final Thoughts

A masterclass in retro radio storytelling, "Back for Christmas" weaves together petty marital tyranny, the banality of evil, and poetic justice. Peter Lorre’s chilling performance, memorable dialogue, and the story’s ironic final twist make this episode of CBS Suspense a classic example of how even the best-laid plans often backfire — sometimes, just in time for Christmas.