CBS Suspense 1943-12-23 - Back For Christmas Pete Lorre

Summary

Podcast Summary: CBS Suspense 1943-12-23 – "Back For Christmas" starring Peter Lorre

Podcast: Harold's Old Time Radio
Host: Harold's Old Time Radio
Episode Date: December 17, 2025 (original air date: December 23, 1943)
Starring: Peter Lorre
Source: [CBS Suspense: Back For Christmas]

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Main Theme & Purpose

This episode presents a classic radio play from the famed "Suspense" series, originally aired on December 23, 1943, titled "Back For Christmas." Starring Peter Lorre, the tale is a darkly comedic, chilling story of a henpecked botanist who hatches a deadly plan to free himself from his domineering wife -- only to learn that fate and irony have plans of their own. The story exemplifies the suspense and macabre humor of Golden Age radio dramas, wrapped in the festive anxiety of holiday homecomings.

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Key Discussion Points & Plot Breakdown

1. The Schumacher Household: Henpecked Husband & Managing Wife

• Characters Introduced:
  • Professor Hubert Schumacher: Swiss botanist, meek, dominated by his wife (Peter Lorre).
  • Hermione Schumacher: His critical, detail-oriented wife.
• Establishing the Dynamic (02:03–04:47):
  • Hubert is caught digging a hole in the cellar, which he claims is for a "Devil's Garden" (rare orchids). Hermione berates him for focusing on this instead of preparations for their upcoming voyage to America, reminding him she's managed the household for 20 years.
  • Memorable Quote:
    • Hermione: "Sometimes I think you're going soft in the head, Hubert." (03:13)
    • Professor: "No more digging. I'll show her." (05:11)

2. A Chance at Romance and a Seed of Murder

• Bookshop Scene with Marion Markham (05:44–08:54):
  • Hubert visits the sympathetic Miss Marion Markham, who expresses secret affection for him.
  • They bond over botany and loneliness, hinting at a longing for freedom and companionship.
  • Memorable Quote:
    • Marion: "You need companionship, I think. Someone sympathetic with your work. But the last thing on earth you need is a manager." (08:45)
• Hubert's Secret Phone Call (12:16):
  • Hubert calls Marion, pledging to join her in New York, suggesting he plans to rid himself of Hermione.

3. The Plan Surfaces: Hermione Keeps Control

• Continued Nagging and Suspicion (10:05–13:14):
  • Hermione manages everything, even dictating Hubert’s travel arrangements and dismissing the servants.
  • Hermione suspects Hubert is lying after hearing him arrange a secret meeting on the phone, but he deflects blame onto "Freddy," another friend.

4. Social Farewell & The Cellar Plot

• Farewell Party (17:29–19:43):
  • Friends wish Hermione and Hubert goodbye. Hermione brags: "We absolutely must have you with us for Christmas." (17:49)
  • Hubert muses internally about his plan; he’s timed the burial in the cellar to the minute.
  • Memorable Quote:
    • Hermione: "I will bring him back for Christmas. You may rely on it." (19:34)

5. Crime Executed: Hermione’s Fate

• The Murder (20:25–23:14):
  • Hubert lures Hermione to the bathroom, then strangles her as she protests, stuffing her body in the cellar pit meant for orchids.
  • Notable Line:
    • Hubert: "You thought you were the only one who could plan things, didn't you, Hermione? Well, I've been making some plans of my own this past week." (21:23)
    • Hermione (defiant): "My friends all expect me back for Christmas." (22:12)

6. Aftermath: A Free Man in America?

• Setting Sail and Arrival in New York (23:40–26:14):
  • After disposing of Hermione, Hubert travels to America to meet Marion, maintaining that his "wife" is too ill to leave her cabin.
  • A small mistake in a radiogram hints at Hermione’s influence from beyond the grave, unsettling Hubert.

7. The Ironic Twist: Fate Finds Hubert

• The Christmas Letter (26:34–28:14):
  • In New York, Hubert and Marion receive a letter from a British contractor:
    • Contractors, following Hermione’s instructions (unbeknownst to Hubert), have begun re-digging the cellar pit "for your surprise Christmas present to your husband." The letter reveals they found the filled-in hole and will reopen it — putting Hermione's body on the path to discovery.
  • Final chilling realization:
    • Hubert: "It means that Hermione is right. I will be back for Christmas." (28:03)

8. Closing Irony and Moral Reflection

• The play ends with echoes of Hermione’s refrain, "Back for Christmas," underscoring the inescapability of fate and the dark humor of failed perfect crimes.
• Peter Lorre signs off with a foreboding tease for the next suspense episode.

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• "No more digging. I'll show her." – Professor Schumacher, telegraphing his murderous intent (05:11)
• "You need companionship, I think... the last thing on earth you need is a manager." – Marion Markham, hinting at emotional motivation (08:45)
• "I have learned from watching you all these years." – Hubert, asserting his newfound, deadly competence (22:43)
• "Our man had no difficulty in finding the place where your husband had begun the excavation in the cellar, but apparently he changed his mind at the last moment and filled it in again." – Letter revealing Hermione's posthumous “revenge” (27:16)
• "It means that Hermione is right. I will be back for Christmas." – The ultimate ironic twist, delivered by Hubert (28:03)

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Timestamps for Important Segments

• Hubert and Hermione's Cellar Confrontation | 02:03–04:47
• Hubert's Meeting with Marion | 05:44–08:54
• Hermione's Dominance & Hubert’s Secret Call | 10:05–12:16
• Farewell Party and Irony of "Back for Christmas" | 17:29–19:43
• The Murder of Hermione | 20:25–23:14
• The Unraveling: Letter from the Past | 26:34–28:14

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Tone & Presentation

The episode combines wry, biting humor typical of mid-century thrillers with tense, slow-building dread. The actors’ clipped British accents, Peter Lorre’s quavering menace, and Hermione’s shrill strictness all add to a claustrophobic and ironic atmosphere. The script relishes in repetition—especially Hermione’s fateful refrain about Christmas—amplifying the suspense and dark comedy.

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Final Thoughts

A masterclass in retro radio storytelling, "Back for Christmas" weaves together petty marital tyranny, the banality of evil, and poetic justice. Peter Lorre’s chilling performance, memorable dialogue, and the story’s ironic final twist make this episode of CBS Suspense a classic example of how even the best-laid plans often backfire — sometimes, just in time for Christmas.

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Transcript

[Narrator]

I want a new beginning for family on January 9th. The sequel to Greenland is so massive, you have to see it on the big screen.

[Professor Hubert Schumacher]

I promise. Who gets to safety?

[Narrator]

Starring Gerard Butler and Marina Baccarin.

[Professor Hubert Schumacher]

Oh, my God.

[Narrator]

Hang on. Greenland 2. Migration.

[Professor Hubert Schumacher]

Rated PG 13.

[Announcer]

Suspense.

[Roma Wine Company Representative]

Presented by Roma. Wines made in California for enjoyment throughout the world. Salute your Elsinore. Roma toasts the world. The wine for your table is Roma, Made in California for enjoyment throughout the world.

[Announcer]

This is the man in black here for the Roma Wine Company of Fresno, California, to introduce this weekly half hour of suspense. Tonight in Hollywood, Roma brings you as star, Mr. Peter Laurie. The suspense play, which stars Mr. Laurie and which is produced and directed by William Speer, is called Back for Christmas. In this series, Roma brings you tales calculated to intrigue you, to stir your nerves, to offer you a precarious situation, and then withhold the solution until the last possible moment. And so, with Back for Christmas and with the performance of Peter Laurie, we again hope to keep you in suspense.

[Hermione Schumacher]

Oh.

[Professor Hubert Schumacher]

Jingle bells, jingle bell Jingle all the way oh, what fun. Yes.

[Hermione Schumacher]

Maria, what on earth are you doing down here in the cellar?

[Professor Hubert Schumacher]

Oh, yeah, Just doing a little digging.

[Hermione Schumacher]

And why, may I ask, have you chosen this day of all days to dig up the cellar floor?

[Professor Hubert Schumacher]

Well, I thought because the weather has been so damp, this would be a good time to plant that little devil's garden I told you about.

[Hermione Schumacher]

Devil's garden? Whatever nonsense is that?

[Professor Hubert Schumacher]

Don't you remember? That was my little joke about it. You see, I've managed to get hold of the spores of several unclassified wild orchids. In a wild state, they bloom under damp masses of leaf mold. The South American Indians call them devil flowers because they appear to bloom under the ground.

[Hermione Schumacher]

Well, I'm sure the South American Indians will be very interested if you succeed in growing these ridiculous flowers under the cellar floor. Whom else it will interest, I can't imagine. Oh, what's that terrible smell?

[Professor Hubert Schumacher]

Oh, that's the lead mold. Chemically identical with the earth blanket they grow under in their wild state. And I want to get these started before we close the house.

[Hermione Schumacher]

Do you realize that we're sailing for America a week from today and you've made no arrangements whatever? Unless you call digging a hole in the cellar making arrangements. I certainly don't. Devil's garden, indeed. Sometimes I think you're going soft in the head, Hubert.

[Professor Hubert Schumacher]

Oh, I suppose it is inconsiderate of me. You see, and I've been wanting to try this experiment for a long time. But with all those lectures and seminars at the university. There never seemed to be enough time.

[Hermione Schumacher]

Well, there certainly isn't any time for it now. I suppose you've forgotten I made an appointment for you at the barbers this afternoon.

[Professor Hubert Schumacher]

Must I shave my beard off her mind?

[Hermione Schumacher]

I thought we'd been through all that. Of course, you must say don't wear beards in America. Bad enough you're speaking with that accent. They'll probably think we're Germans as it is.

[Professor Hubert Schumacher]

Oh, I should think it would be quite easy just to explain that I'm Swiss.

[Hermione Schumacher]

Now, Hubert, don't be argumentative. Go and get your jacket on and do as I tell you.

[Professor Hubert Schumacher]

Yes, Hermione.

[Hermione Schumacher]

And don't forget to take your umbrella. It looks like rain.

[Professor Hubert Schumacher]

Yes, Hermione.

[Hermione Schumacher]

And don't look so put upon, Hubert. Someone has to plan things in this house. Never even get to the university in time for your lectures, much less make arrangements for a trip to America.

[Professor Hubert Schumacher]

I know, but what about my specimens?

[Hermione Schumacher]

They're be plenty of time to plant your precious Devil's Garden when we get home from America. We're not going to be gone forever, you know. We'll be back here for Christmas.

[Professor Hubert Schumacher]

Yes, of course. Back for Christmas. I forgot.

[Hermione Schumacher]

Well, try to remember it. And if you can't do that, just do as I tell you. I've been making the plans in this house for 20 years. And if there's any digging to be done, I'll manage that as well. You understand, Hubert?

[Professor Hubert Schumacher]

Yes, Hermione. Good.

[Hermione Schumacher]

Now, you have just 20 minutes to clean up this mess down here and keep your appointment at the barber's. And when you finish there, I want you to come straight home.

[Professor Hubert Schumacher]

All right? Oh, oh, I wanted to stop at Ms. Markham's and pick up some books I ordered.

[Hermione Schumacher]

Well, all right. But don't loiter there the whole afternoon moiling over those old books the way you usually do. Now hurry and clear up this rubbish. Get rid of that smelly stuff. And no more digging, mind you.

[Professor Hubert Schumacher]

No more digging. I'll show her.

[Hermione Schumacher]

I'll have my Devil's Garden.

[Professor Hubert Schumacher]

And if I.

[Hermione Schumacher]

No more digging.

[Background Character]

Hey.

[Hermione Schumacher]

No more digging.

[Professor Hubert Schumacher]

Oh.

[Hermione Schumacher]

15 men on a death matter's chest. Yoo hoo.

You'll win a bottle. Good evening, Sir.

[Professor Hubert Schumacher]

Good evening, Ms. Malcolm.

[Ms. Marion Markham]

Why, it is Professor Schumacher, isn't it?

[Professor Hubert Schumacher]

Do you like me better this way?

[Ms. Marion Markham]

You look ever so much younger without the beard. 20 years at least.

[Professor Hubert Schumacher]

20 years.

[Ms. Marion Markham]

Oh, you'll be glad to know those books you ordered have finally arrived.

[Professor Hubert Schumacher]

Oh, yes, the books.

[Hermione Schumacher]

Let me see.

[Ms. Marion Markham]

The Phytotomy of Phalloid gametophytes and coniferous shrubs of North America. Those are the ones you order?

[Professor Hubert Schumacher]

Yes. Thank you. You're very kind, Ms. Markham.

[Ms. Marion Markham]

Why kind, Professor Schumacher?

[Professor Hubert Schumacher]

Well, not. Not many young ladies in bookshops would go out of their way to look up a rare books for an old professor of botany.

[Ms. Marion Markham]

Why, you're not old, Professor Schumacher. Really, you look.

[Professor Hubert Schumacher]

What do I look like?

[Ms. Marion Markham]

And besides, I adore botany. It's my particular hobby.

[Professor Hubert Schumacher]

Oh, really? You've never told me that before, Ms. Margram.

[Ms. Marion Markham]

Well, I was afraid to. You looked so imposing with the beard and.

[Professor Hubert Schumacher]

Why, no. Miss Markham. Forgive me if this sounds foolish, but since talking with you today, I feel that shaving off my beard is the most important thing I've done for 20 years.

[Ms. Marion Markham]

Oh, it is. I. I'm sure it is. I'm so sorry that I've been so distant with you all this time. Oh, there were times when I almost spoke up. Times when you came in here tired after a day with your students at the university. You seem so alone. The way I'm alone in the world. I'd like to have asked you to stay a while and talk with me, but some way or other, I. I always wind up giving you your change and letting you go on your way.

[Professor Hubert Schumacher]

Say, you. You're alone in the world since my father died. Oh, miss. Ms. Markham. Did. Did you never think of marrying?

[Ms. Marion Markham]

My father was a very remarkable man. I never found anyone who seemed to measure up to what he led me to expect of men.

[Professor Hubert Schumacher]

Miss Markham.

[Ms. Marion Markham]

It's been so long since anyone called me by my first name. I'd like you to, if you want to. It's Marion.

[Professor Hubert Schumacher]

Marion and.

[Ms. Marion Markham]

And yours.

[Professor Hubert Schumacher]

Well, who bear to. But. But in English, Hubert sounds better.

[Ms. Marion Markham]

How long have you been alone, Hubert?

[Professor Hubert Schumacher]

Not alone.

[Ms. Marion Markham]

I knew you were a widower, of course, I. The first time I saw you a widower. I've no way to tell this certain sadness in a man's eyes. A sweet sadness, I think, when. When he's been married.

[Professor Hubert Schumacher]

And then we do. I never thought of it in quite that way.

[Ms. Marion Markham]

Oh, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have been talking like this, I suppose. But I've often wondered what she must have been like. Your wife, I mean.

[Professor Hubert Schumacher]

Hermione. Not an easy woman to forget. Very strong. Always managing things. The house, my wardrobe, my friends. Even when we dined at a restaurant, she even then ordered my food. She was always managing things her whole life. Managed herself to death.

[Ms. Marion Markham]

Poor woman. She must have loved you very much. But she needn't have Put herself out. So it's plain to see you don't need things managed for you.

[Professor Hubert Schumacher]

No.

[Ms. Marion Markham]

You need companionship, I think. Someone sympathetic with your work. But the last thing on earth you need is a manager.

[Professor Hubert Schumacher]

How well you put it.

[Hermione Schumacher]

The last thing on earth.

Operator? Operator, are you there?

[Narrator]

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[Background Character]

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[Narrator]

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[Hermione Schumacher]

I'm still waiting on that call to Salvador. Well, put them on quickly. Hello, Is this Paul Holt and Sons? It's Mrs. Hubert Schumacher. Did you receive my letter?

[Professor Hubert Schumacher]

Good.

[Hermione Schumacher]

Now remember, we'll be back for Christmas and I want the job done without fail.

[Ms. Marion Markham]

What's that?

[Hermione Schumacher]

No, no, I'm sure he doesn't suspect anything. Send it to me in New York as I instructed you. Addressed in my name, of course. Yes, I've already put them in the mail. You'll get them tomorrow. Thank you. Thank you so much. Oh, here you are, Hubert. Where have you been?

[Professor Hubert Schumacher]

Oh, backstairs. I dismissed the servants.

[Hermione Schumacher]

Dismissed the servants? But I've asked some friends of mine into a farewell luncheon. Go and tell them it's a mistake.

[Professor Hubert Schumacher]

Well, I'm afraid it's too late now. They've packed and gone.

[Hermione Schumacher]

You have messed things up properly. How many times have I told you to leave things to me? I make the plans around here.

[Professor Hubert Schumacher]

Yes, Hermione, you have to do better.

[Hermione Schumacher]

Than this when I plan the trip home or we'll never in the world be back for Christmas.

[Professor Hubert Schumacher]

Back for Christmas? Back for Christmas?

[Hermione Schumacher]

Must you keep saying that?

[Ms. Marion Markham]

Why not?

[Hermione Schumacher]

We are coming back for Christmas, aren't we?

[Professor Hubert Schumacher]

Supposing I I were offered a professorship in one of those wealthy American universities.

[Hermione Schumacher]

Nonsense. Americans care nothing for botany.

[Professor Hubert Schumacher]

Well, Luther Burbank was an American, wasn't he?

[Ms. Marion Markham]

Yes.

[Hermione Schumacher]

Different.

What have you ever done except muck around in the dirt with a lot of roots and tubers?

[Professor Hubert Schumacher]

Well, they asked me to lecture, didn't they?

[Hermione Schumacher]

All right, all right. Now, there's no use getting yourself in a state about this, Hubert. No doubt this extra money will come in very handy when we arrive back. Back for Christmas? Precisely. No good to make a joke of it. Heaven knows where you'd be today if I hadn't got a sense of time.

[Professor Hubert Schumacher]

Yes, Hermione.

[Hermione Schumacher]

And as you've been so foolish as to dismiss the servants, you may empty the ashtrays and straighten up this room while we're waiting for the guest who arrive. I'm going and have my bath.

Call me when they get here.

[Professor Hubert Schumacher]

Marion, it's Hubert. No, no, darling. No, nothing is wrong. Oh, my plans are the same. Unless. Unless you have changed. No. We'll meet in New York then and be married there. I'll explain to you why later. You just have to trust me. Yes, yes. Madonna, I'm so sorry. I can't talk any longer. Yes, I'll meet you in New York without fail. I'll be the same man. Leave.

[Hermione Schumacher]

Hubert.

Were you talking on the phone just now?

[Professor Hubert Schumacher]

Yes. Yes, Hermione, Whoever was it? Oh, Freddie. Freddie Sinker.

[Hermione Schumacher]

But didn't I hear you say something about meeting somebody in New York?

[Professor Hubert Schumacher]

Why, Freddy said he might possibly get.

[Hermione Schumacher]

Over there before we even leave.

[Professor Hubert Schumacher]

And? And I said of course we'd meet him there if he decided to go.

[Hermione Schumacher]

That seems very peculiar. But then all of your friends are peculiar.

[Professor Hubert Schumacher]

Yes, Hermione.

[Hermione Schumacher]

And just look at your jacket. Have you been digging in that cellar again?

[Professor Hubert Schumacher]

Yes, Hermione.

[Hermione Schumacher]

Well, there's no need for it. You can't possibly get that Devil's Garden thing finished before we sail for America. Go and change your clothes before the guests arrive. Oh, never mind. I see somebody coming up the walk now. Go and let them in.

Yes, Hubert.

[Professor Hubert Schumacher]

Yes.

[Hermione Schumacher]

Look out the window. There's professor and Mrs. Goodnow. But who's that with them? Precisely? Freddie Sinclair.

[Ms. Marion Markham]

Peculiar?

[Hermione Schumacher]

You should have been talking to him on the phone not three minutes ago. And now here he is.

[Professor Hubert Schumacher]

Yes, isn't it?

[Hermione Schumacher]

But then, as you see, Hermione, all.

[Professor Hubert Schumacher]

Of my friends are peculiar.

[Hermione Schumacher]

Not half so peculiar as you digging in the cellar the very day we leave for America. Just look at yourself. And now that I think of it.

[Professor Hubert Schumacher]

Yes.

[Hermione Schumacher]

Oh, never mind.

[Ms. Marion Markham]

Go and let them in.

[Professor Hubert Schumacher]

Oh, you were going to ask me something, Hermione about the hole I'm digging in a cellar.

[Hermione Schumacher]

Good heavens. Stop rolling your eyes about that way. One would think you were digging a grave down there instead of a storage bin.

[Professor Hubert Schumacher]

Yes, Hermione.

[Hermione Schumacher]

What's that?

[Professor Hubert Schumacher]

I said, yes, Hermione.

[Hermione Schumacher]

Father opened the door and. Please stop saying yes, Hermione.

[Professor Hubert Schumacher]

I think, my dear, I have said.

[Hermione Schumacher]

It for the last time.

[Announcer]

A professor of botany, his loving wife and an oblong pit in the cellar just the right size for his botanical specimens. His devil's garden. With these ingredients for a story of a perfect crime. Back for Christmas by John Collier and starring Peter Laurie. The Roma Wine Company closes the curtain for a moment on another breathless study in suspense.

[Roma Wine Company Representative]

In this brief intermission in the play, it's pleasant to think about the holidays. Not everyone celebrates the holidays against a background of snow and pine trees. Somewhere south of the Gulf and the Caribbean, in a gracious home surrounded by palm trees in the warm sun, you might find holiday dinners ending this way.

[Hotel Staff]

One moment, please. Our North American guest wishes to propose a toast. Yes, mis amigos. I drink a toast in gratitude to you for your gracious hospitality and the enjoyment you've given me. An American so far from home. It is only a fair extra exchange, my friend. This wine in which you drink your toast, it brings enjoyment to us from your country. From America. It is Roma wine, made in your own California.

[Roma Wine Company Representative]

Yes. And when you choose the wine for your holiday table, remember this. Only a few wines are so fine that many countries of the world import them. And among these greatly enjoyable wines are the wines of Roma R O M A made in California for enjoyment throughout the world. Yet here in America we are truly fortunate for we may buy Roma wines at a very low cost since we don't have to pay import duty or costly shipping charges. So serve Roma wine with pride on any and all holiday occasions. Serve Roma 2 for everyday dinners. You can afford to ask your dealer tomorrow for your favorite Roma wine. America's largest selling wine. But before you buy wine, buy war bonds.

[Announcer]

And now it is with pleasure that we bring back to our sound stage Mr. Peter Laurie in Act 2 are back for Christmas. A tale well calculated to keep you in suspense.

[Professor Hubert Schumacher]

Back for Christmas. Hermione was so positive we would be back for Christmas that last afternoon pouring tea out for a few friends who had come in to see a last minute farewells. She kept reiterating it.

[Hermione Schumacher]

Now mind you, Hermione, don't let those.

[Ms. Marion Markham]

Americans lure your husband with one of.

[Hermione Schumacher]

Their fat university jobs. We absolutely must have you with us for Christmas. He shall be back, I promise you.

[Professor Hubert Schumacher]

Well, it's not absolutely certain, of course, Hubert.

[Hermione Schumacher]

Er, what do you mean, it's not certain?

Of course it's certain.

[Hotel Staff]

After all, Hubert, old boy, you've contracted to lecture for only three months.

[Professor Hubert Schumacher]

Oh, that's quite right. But then, of course, anything may happen.

[Hermione Schumacher]

Hubert adores being unpredictable. Now, what other man would decide the day? The very day, mind you, before leaving for America, to dig a great hole in the floor of the cellar. In the cellar?

Yes.

He's going to put some unclassified wild orchids down there. A devil's garden, if you please. It sounds so mysterious. That's Hubert. Though it's really quite simple. However, once you find out what he's up to.

[Ms. Marion Markham]

Now, take.

[Hermione Schumacher]

Take the telephone call he put through to you a few minutes ago, Freddy.

[Professor Hubert Schumacher]

Me?

[Hermione Schumacher]

Of course.

Hubert wanted to surprise me about your plan to meet us in New York next month. Wasn't that why he called to ask you not to mention it?

[Hotel Staff]

My dear Hermione, Hubert couldn't possibly have telephoned me within the past hour. I've been walking in the park since 3.

[Hermione Schumacher]

He didn't telephone you?

[Professor Hubert Schumacher]

Well, how could he?

[Hotel Staff]

It is for my going to America.

[Professor Hubert Schumacher]

No, no, no, no, no. Come, Freddy, come. You may as well confess. Hermione has just found me out again. Obscure's old chap, I really.

[Hermione Schumacher]

Do you see what a poor liar Hubert makes? He's red as a beetroot. Aren't you ashamed of yourself, professor, stringing poor Hermione along like that? And as for you, Freddy, I'm furious you said nothing to us about going to America.

[Hotel Staff]

But look here, old girl, I've been trying to tell everyone here that I'm not the.

[Hermione Schumacher]

Nonsense. The game's gone on long enough. Besides, we must start getting ready now. It was marvelous of all of you to come in to say goodbye. And don't worry about Hubert's little jokes. I will bring him back for Christmas. You may rely on it.

[Professor Hubert Schumacher]

They all believed her. For years she had been promising me for dinner parties, garden parties committed. And the promises had always been kept. This time he would not be. I'd seen to that. The servants were gone for good. The farewells all set. I had time to the minute how long it would take to fill in a hole in a cellar. My devil's garden. Upstairs in a bedroom, I undressed and put on my old bathrobe. And then I. I opened the door into a minus room. Oh, Hermione, have you a moment to spare?

[Hermione Schumacher]

Of course, dear. I'm Just finished.

[Professor Hubert Schumacher]

Well, then, will you come in here for a moment, please? There's something rather extraordinary here.

[Hermione Schumacher]

Oh, good heavens.

[Ms. Marion Markham]

You.

[Hermione Schumacher]

But what are you lounging about in that filthy old bathroom for? I told you to put it into the furnace.

[Professor Hubert Schumacher]

Well, I'll do it. I'll do it today. Yes, really, I will.

[Hermione Schumacher]

Well, high time. Now, what is it you want to show me?

[Professor Hubert Schumacher]

Oh, here. Here in the bathroom. Just look. Who in the world do you suppose dropped a gold chain down the bathtub drain?

[Ms. Marion Markham]

Nobody has.

[Hermione Schumacher]

Of course, nobody wears such a thing.

[Professor Hubert Schumacher]

Then what is it doing in here?

[Hermione Schumacher]

I don't see anything.

[Professor Hubert Schumacher]

Well, look, I'll hold this flashlight here for you. If you lean right over, you can see it shining. It's deep down.

[Hermione Schumacher]

Such a lot of nonsense. Just as well. Well, I don't see it, Hubert.

[Professor Hubert Schumacher]

Go on looking, Hermione.

[Hermione Schumacher]

In just a moment, Hubert, I absolutely refuse to. Hubert, what are you doing? Take your hands off my neck.

[Professor Hubert Schumacher]

I will, Hermione, just as soon as I've finished the arrangements for my trip to America.

[Hermione Schumacher]

What are you talking about? You thought you were the only one who could plan things, didn't you? Didn't you, Hermione? Well, I've been making some plans of.

[Professor Hubert Schumacher]

My own this past week.

[Hermione Schumacher]

In exactly 2 minutes and 16 seconds, you'll be dead.

[Professor Hubert Schumacher]

You see? You see, I planned it very accurately.

[Hermione Schumacher]

You'll never get away with it.

[Professor Hubert Schumacher]

Oh, I thought you would see that, Hermione. But I will get away with it. You won't mind the smell of the leave mo down in a cellar when.

[Hermione Schumacher]

I take you down there today. Yes, that is where you are gluing, Hermione. Right into my devil's garden. That annoys you so much.

My friends all expect me back for Christmas.

[Professor Hubert Schumacher]

They do?

[Hermione Schumacher]

They don't hear from me, they'll start asking questions. No, they won't.

[Professor Hubert Schumacher]

Because you'll write them letters, Hermione, on a typewriter, as you always do. They'll be signed h in that neat, correcting way you always sign your notes to your friends.

[Hermione Schumacher]

Here, let me up now. No, it won't work, Hubert.

You were never any good at planning.

[Professor Hubert Schumacher]

Oh, but I have changed.

[Hermione Schumacher]

I have learned from watching you all these years.

The Leche people in America, they'll expect you to be traveling with your wife.

[Professor Hubert Schumacher]

I will be traveling with my wife.

[Hermione Schumacher]

But not my present.

It won't work, I tell you.

That pit you dug in the cellar. Oh, it will work.

[Professor Hubert Schumacher]

It'll serve its purpose well.

[Hermione Schumacher]

Hubert? No, no, I'm sorry, dear. This thing has to be done exactly as planned. You have just five seconds to say your prayers. Hubert, you must listen the seller it. Don't do it. Do that later.

[Professor Hubert Schumacher]

Oh, Stuart. Yes, sir? Oh, my wife. She's in this poy. She'll be taking her meals in our stateroom. For the old voyage, sir? Yes, for the whole voyage.

[Hermione Schumacher]

I trust your wife is feeling better this morning, Professor Schumacher?

[Professor Hubert Schumacher]

A little. Not yet. Well enough to leave a cabin. Oh, what a shame. Oh, Professor Schumacher. Yes?

[Announcer]

Here's a copy of the radiogram you sent for your wife last evening.

[Professor Hubert Schumacher]

Thank you. I'll just check it over. Oh, but. But look. Look here. Why, what's the matter?

[Hermione Schumacher]

Did the typist make a mistake?

[Professor Hubert Schumacher]

No, no, it's nothing important. She can correct it later. For a moment, I had a feeling that Hermione had been leaning over my shoulder again. Correcting what I had written, as she always did. I had written a radiogram to Professor Goodingham and his wife. Haven't been out of my cabin the whole beastly trip, Hubert. Well, no doubt we'll be back for Christmas. But the operator had left out the W, and it read, no doubt we'll be back for Christmas. Exactly what Hermione would have written. Well, the rest of the trip was uneventful. Marion and I met in New York just as we had planned. Just as we had planned. Professor. Mrs. Schumacher, we have reservations happening.

[Roma Wine Company Representative]

Oh, yes.

[Hotel Staff]

We've been expecting you, sir. Boy, take professor and Mrs. Schumacher's luggage up to their suite.

[Professor Hubert Schumacher]

You know, Mr. Schumacher, you're quite a surprise.

[Hotel Staff]

Your letter reserving the rooms are so thorough. I was expecting an older, more forbidding sort of person.

[Hermione Schumacher]

Frankly, ma', am, no.

[Ms. Marion Markham]

As a matter of fact, we're just married. But I. My letter is reserving the room.

[Professor Hubert Schumacher]

Oh, I wrote the letter, my dear, and. And I signed it Mrs. Hubert Schumacher. Just a joke.

[Ms. Marion Markham]

What a cunning old you are, Hubert.

[Professor Hubert Schumacher]

Now that I think of it.

[Roma Wine Company Representative]

Oh, I almost forgot.

[Hotel Staff]

There's a letter for you, Mrs. Schumacher.

[Hermione Schumacher]

That's peculiar.

[Ms. Marion Markham]

I wonder who on.

[Professor Hubert Schumacher]

Oh, well, we'll sure find out in good time. Come along, darling. Oh, we are keeping the boy waiting. Come. Oh, nothing like a cold, brisk shower to put a man to write.

[Ms. Marion Markham]

Hubert, this letter.

[Professor Hubert Schumacher]

Oh, yes, the letter. Oh, dry my hair, will you, darling, please?

[Ms. Marion Markham]

It seems to be a bill of some sort from a building contractor in Salisbury.

[Professor Hubert Schumacher]

Oh, really?

[Ms. Marion Markham]

Oh, bother. Dry your own hair.

[Professor Hubert Schumacher]

Thank you, darling. Let's see this bill, or whatever it is.

[Ms. Marion Markham]

It's very puzzling, Hubert. You were a widower, weren't you? I mean, Hermione isn't still alive?

[Professor Hubert Schumacher]

Good heavens, no. Well, let me read that. Mm. Dear Madame, this is to acknowledge your order to get together with the keys to your house in Launceston Place. Our man had no difficulty in finding.

[Hermione Schumacher]

The place where your husband had begun the excavation in a cellar. But apparently he changed his mind at the last moment and filled it in again.

[Ms. Marion Markham]

What is it, Hubert?

[Hermione Schumacher]

Our man will begin digging tomorrow. And the job will be completed in ample time for your surprise Christmas present to your husband. We are happy to be conspirators with you. He may suffode gesture and hope that Professor Schumacher will be pleased at the results of our work on his devil's garden. Very truly. Hewlett. Paul Holds Sons Contractors.

[Ms. Marion Markham]

What does it mean, Hubert?

[Professor Hubert Schumacher]

Means. Means that Hermione is right. I will be back for Christmas I.

[Hermione Schumacher]

Will be back for Christmas I will Back for Christmas Back for Christmas.

[Announcer]

And so closes Back for Christmas, starring Mr. Peter Laurie. Tonight's tale of suspense.

[Roma Wine Company Representative]

In just a moment, we shall hear again from Mr. Laurie. But first, just a word that seems appropriate. One of the world's oldest customs is the Christmas toast. And traditionally, down through centuries of war and peace, the Christmas toast has been drunk in wine. This year, when the glasses are filled and raised once again, we know that in every home, the toast will be to a speedy victory and a speedy return of those we love. And before we set the wine glasses down, let us all resolve to do everything within our power to help make that toast come true.

[Professor Hubert Schumacher]

True.

[Roma Wine Company Representative]

Let us resolve to help supply the weapons of war by buying even more and more war bonds. Let us resolve to face our own inconveniences without complaining. And above all, let us resolve that when this war is at last over, each of us will exert all our effort to see that future Christmases truly express peace on earth, goodwill to men. This thought, together with our very best wishes of the season, is the Roma Wine Company's Christmas message for you, its friends here in America and throughout the world.

[Professor Hubert Schumacher]

This is Peter Laurie. Thank you for listening to our suspense play this evening, and I know you're looking forward to next week's show, as I am. It is called Finishing School and its subtitle might be the famous quotation, the female of the species is more deadly than the male.

[Announcer]

Don't forget then, next Thursday, same time for Margot Elsa Lanchester, Janet Beecher, and a distinguished all feminine cast.

[Roma Wine Company Representative]

In suspense, presented by Roma Wine R O M A made in California for enjoyment throughout the world. This is the Columbia Broadcasting System.

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