CBS The Mel Blanc Show 1946-12-10 - Christmas Present

Summary

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Podcast Summary: Harold's Old Time Radio

Episode: CBS The Mel Blanc Show (1946-12-10) - "Christmas Present"
Release Date: December 19, 2025
Host: Harolds Old Time Radio

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Overview

In this classic episode from the golden age of radio, Mel Blanc brings to life his signature comedic style and infectious energy in a Christmas-themed story, originally broadcast in December 1946. The episode revolves around Mel’s dilemma to find the perfect Christmas present for his sweetheart, Betty, while being short on funds and competing with his rival, Willie Murdoch. Rich with musical numbers, comic impersonations, and the nostalgia of radio’s heyday, the episode is an excellent sample of mid-century radio comedy.

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Key Discussion Points & Highlights

Mel Blanc’s Introduction and Character Parade

[00:35 – 05:17]

• Mel Blanc opens the show with a musical introduction about his radio career and the perception that his "face was meant for radio."

  • Notable lines delivered humorously:

    “They said my face was meant for radio.” – Mel Blanc ([01:06]) “You guys can be replaced, you know.” – Mel Blanc, jesting with his supporting cast ([01:29])

• Mel showcases snippets of several characters (including Zukiya, train announcer, and postman) highlighting his versatile voice talents and poking fun at his reputation and finances.

• Self-deprecating humor abounds as Mel lists the many expenses eating away at his earnings and laments being "the lowest of the guys on top."

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The Christmas Present Conundrum

[06:59 – 09:22]

• The episode sets the stage in Mel’s small town, just two weeks before Christmas. The men are shopping for gifts, with Mel humorously opting to eat his “present” (peanut brittle) on the spot instead of saving it for Betty.

• Mel and Betty leaf through a mail-order catalog to brainstorm affordable gift ideas. Mel dreams of their future together, sharing a sweet, naive vision of Christmas after they’re married.

  • Memorable comic misunderstanding:

    “Betty, Santa Claus doesn’t bring children.” – Mel Blanc ([08:46])

• Betty brings up her other suitor, Willie Murdoch, who is getting her an expensive gift. Mel bemoans his lack of funds and feels overshadowed by Willie.

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Mel’s Rivalry and the Radio Program

[09:33 – 14:16]

• Mr. Colby, Betty’s disapproving father, enters, chastises Mel, and mentions a new radio program where his manager Willie will be the MC.

• Mel desperately tries to audition for a part, performing rapid-fire celebrity impressions (Phil Harris, Phil Baker, Tommy Manville) to show off his range:

  “Listen to this… You gotta start out each day with a song, even if things go wrong.” – Mel Blanc, performing an impression ([12:39])

• Mr. Colby rebuffs Mel (threatening to "break every bone" in his body if he shows up at the radio program), leaving Mel despondent over his chances to earn money for Betty’s gift.

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The Fix-It Shop Antics and Money-making Schemes

[17:37 – 22:24]

• Undeterred, Mel continues repairs at his fix-it shop, including attempting to restore a “mama doll,” before brainstorming with Zookie (Zukiya) ways to collect money owed by the townsfolk. These attempts result in comedic failure, with Zookie failing to collect a single dime.

  “I collected 10 to the… 10 to the… 5 to the 3 to the… Not a dime.” – Zookie ([20:21])

• Encounter with Mr. Cushing, President of the Loyal Order of Benevolent Zebras, features classic comedic banter about his tough-as-nails wife and their relationship, satirically merging romance and financial motivations.

  “Age didn’t matter. When I first met my wife, Babe, I worshiped the ground she walked on. Besides, she owns the property.” – Mr. Cushing ([22:05])

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The Supermarket Radio Show and a Disguise

[23:40 – 26:34]

• In a last-ditch bid, Mel disguises himself as an “old lady” at Mr. Colby’s radio show, hoping to win a $40 bottle of perfume (to gift to Betty).

• A series of comic miscommunications and voice impersonations from Mel ensue, fooling the audience and judges until the ruse is up.

  “I’d like to go on the radio… Guess who this is. You have eight. Will you try for sixteen?” – Mel, as the “old lady,” referencing his earlier impression ([25:30])

• Mr. Colby recognizes Mel and kicks him out, causing more embarrassment but plenty of laughs.

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Resolution and Heartfelt Moments

[26:45 – 27:10]

• Despite his antics, Mel’s escapade does not win him the perfume — or Mr. Colby’s approval. Betty comforts Mel, apologizing for setting expectations too high and affirming her affection.

• Even Willie Murdoch is thrown out of the supermarket by Betty’s disapproving father, highlighting that, in the end, material gifts and status cannot win over love.

  “How do you like that? Everybody wants to get into the act.” – Mel Blanc ([27:10])

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Notable Quotes by Segment

| Timestamp | Speaker | Quote | |-----------|-----------|---------------------------------------------------------------| | 01:06 | Mel Blanc | “They said my face was meant for radio.” | | 01:29 | Mel Blanc | “You guys can be replaced, you know.” | | 08:46 | Mel Blanc | “Betty, Santa Claus doesn’t bring children.” | | 09:22 | Mel Blanc | “Gosh, we look so much alike. I don’t see how your father can tell us apart.” | | 12:39 | Mel Blanc | “You gotta start out each day with a song, even if things go wrong.” | | 20:21 | Zookie | “I collected 10 to the… 10 to the… 5 to the 3 to the… Not a dime.” | | 22:05 | Mr. Cushing | “Age didn’t matter. When I first met my wife, Babe, I worshiped the ground she walked on. Besides, she owns the property.” | | 25:30 | Mel (as “old lady”) | “I’d like to go on the radio… Guess who this is. You have eight. Will you try for sixteen?” | | 27:10 | Mel Blanc | “How do you like that? Everybody wants to get into the act.” |

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Musical & Comic Interlude Highlights

• “Uncle Remus” Musical Segment ([15:29 – 17:04]):
  Mel and the cast perform a whimsical retelling of animal fables, completed with a playful singalong for both child and adult listeners.

• Character Impersonations & Banter:
  Rapid-fire exchanges and musical lines by Mel as he attempts to land a spot on the radio show.

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Timestamps for Important Segments

• [00:35 – 05:17] – Mel’s musical introduction & character highlights
• [06:59 – 09:22] – Mel and Betty’s Christmas present brainstorming
• [09:33 – 14:16] – The quest for a radio job (Mel’s audition efforts)
• [17:37 – 22:24] – Mel’s attempts to collect money and Mr. Cushing’s visit
• [23:40 – 26:34] – Mel’s supermarket radio show disguise and revelation
• [26:45 – 27:10] – Closing emotional exchange; everyone’s back where they started

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Tone & Language

• Classic radio slapstick: Self-effacing, witty, and packed with puns
• Fast-paced dialogue: Mel’s rapid switches between characters mirror his mastery of vocal comedy
• Warmth and sentiment: Undercurrent of heartfelt sincerity between Mel and Betty, balanced by farcical misadventures

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Memorable Moments

• Mel eating the Christmas “present” (peanut brittle) right in the store ([07:23])
• The ongoing running joke comparing Mel and Willie — leading to the punchline that they look so alike ([09:22])
• Mel’s elaborate attempt to win a gift for Betty, including cross-dressing and performing on the radio ([23:40 – 26:34])
• The show’s resolution with everyone being thrown out — proving love can’t be bought.

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Conclusion

This episode of The Mel Blanc Show delivers a lighthearted and charming exploration of the stress and joy of holiday gift-giving, the humility of being broke during the Christmas season, and the enduring humor of radio's golden age. Mel Blanc’s unique blend of vocal talent, impersonations, and slapstick narrative leaves a festive, comedic mark.

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Transcript

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[Mel Blanc]

Let's bring out our star, the creator and originator of Buck Bunny, Mel Blanc.

[Zukiya]

Todd.

[Mel Blanc]

Good evening, ladies and gentlemen. I'm very grateful for this opportunity to meet you and to introduce myself. I'd like to tell you a little about my background when I first came to Hollywood. It seems when film producers heard my vocal calisthenics consistently and loud, they shouted, no, this guy don't rate with movie photogenics. They said my face was meant for radio.

[Narrator/Announcer]

They said his face was meant for radio.

[Mel Blanc]

Don't rub it in. So I developed character projection upon the air and finally got a call.

[Mr. Colby]

Producers hollered, mel is our selection.

[Mel Blanc]

Cause he's the biggest character of all.

[Narrator/Announcer]

Cause he's the biggest character of all.

[Mel Blanc]

You guys can be replaced, you know. I became the happy postman With a manner so beguiling, you remember goodbye, Missy Burns.

[Zukiya]

Remember keep smiling.

[Mel Blanc]

I became a train announcer and my tonsils did a conga with train leaving on track five for Anaheim, Azusa and Cucamonga.

[Narrator/Announcer]

They said that he'd look good on radio and everybody told him where to go.

[Mel Blanc]

No coaching from the audience, please. As a violin teacher I made a nice penny which ain't doing bad when you work for Jack Finney. I wish it had no strings on. I force a smile and try to please and cry upon my pillow. I've even been Calliopes forgive me please Petrillo. I heard that as Pedro. When I see a girl with grace Ah, Chiquita, I say pardon me for.

[Zukiya]

Talking in your face, senorita.

[Mel Blanc]

And then this little guy I've saved for last.

[Zukiya]

I'm Zukiya and in the fixer shop I'm the president of the. I'm the president.

[Narrator/Announcer]

Taking in a lot of gold. Because his face was meant for radio.

[Mel Blanc]

It's a lie. Why do you think I gotta fix it shop? Cause I had to find a way to pay the rent. I'm it is known as a successful flop. Cause before I get a quarter, it is spent. I'm on a lot of air shows. If I'm lying, I should choke. My tax consultant says if I get one more show, I'm broke. So why do you think I gotta Fix it shop.

[Narrator/Announcer]

Cause for radio his face was meant.

[Mel Blanc]

Agents get commission don't forget withholding tax My dentist and physician and my wife's account at Saks Publicity and writers oh my aching back and head if I get laryngitis then I might as well be dead My paper profits grieve me Cause they never reach the bank My assets please believe me like my second name are blank.

[Narrator/Announcer]

So why do you think you gotta fix it shop?

[Mel Blanc]

And I only hope the darn thing really clicks I am the lowest of the guys on top he has found.

[Mr. Colby]

That fame and fortune doesn't mix there's.

[Mel Blanc]

Dough for entertainment Bills and bills the whole day long I even had to pay a guy to write this stinkin song so why do you think I gotta fix it shop? Cause I'm really in a heck of a fix.

[Narrator/Announcer]

Humo and park bear I'm really in a heck of a fix.

[Narrator/Commercial Announcer]

From Hollywood, Colgate Tooth Powder presents the Mel Blanc Show. With Mary Jane Croft, Joe Kearns, Jerry Hausner, Hans Conrey, the Sportsman, Victor Miller and his orchestra. And starring the creator of the voice of Bugs Bunny.

[Zukiya]

What's up guys?

[Narrator/Announcer]

Yes.

[Narrator/Commercial Announcer]

Colgate Toothpowder for a breath that's sweet and teeth that sparkle, brings you the Mel Blanc show with Mel playing his new character, Zookee.

[Mel Blanc]

Hello everybody. Hello everybody.

[Zukiya]

Hello everybody. Hi.

[Narrator/Commercial Announcer]

And starring himself in person, Mel Blanc.

[Mel Blanc]

Hi, folks. Uga.

[Narrator/Announcer]

Uga. Boo. Uga Boo. Boo.

[Narrator/Commercial Announcer]

Ugg.

[Narrator/Announcer]

It's.

[Narrator/Commercial Announcer]

It's two weeks until Christmas, and in Mel Blanc's little town, young men eager to make a good impression are buying Christmas gifts for their young ladies. At the local furriers, Sam Brown is.

[Mel Blanc]

Saying to the clerk, I'll take this.

[Mr. Colby]

Fur coat, wrap it as a gift and send it Christmas morning.

[Narrator/Commercial Announcer]

At the jewelry store, Tom Williams is.

[Mr. Colby]

Saying, I'll take this diamond bracelet, wrap it as a gift and send it Christmas morning.

[Narrator/Commercial Announcer]

And in the candy shop where Mel Blanc has been shopping, Mel is saying.

[Mel Blanc]

I'll take this two pound box of peanut brittle. No, don't wrap it as a gift. I'll eat it right here.

[Narrator/Commercial Announcer]

So Mel ate the peanut brittle, right? Now we find him in his Fix it shop with his girlfriend Betty. Being very low on funds, Mel is turning the pages of a mail order catalog hoping that the pictures may suggest a gift for Betty.

[Mel Blanc]

Broom handle, garbage pail, nail polish, eyewash, diamond ring, fur coat, wristwatch, pen wipers.

[Narrator/Announcer]

Shoe haul.

[Narrator/Commercial Announcer]

Huh?

[Betty]

Stop trying to turning the pages so fast.

[Narrator/Announcer]

Oh, all right.

[Mel Blanc]

Well, let's start from the front of the catalog.

[Zukiya]

Yeah. All right.

[Betty]

Good Page one, women's dresses. Page two, women's bathrobes. Page three, women's nightgowns. Page four.

[Mel Blanc]

Betty, stop turning the pages so fast. We don't need this whole catalog anyway.

[Betty]

That's right. I got you a perfectly wonderful gift last year without the catalog.

[Mel Blanc]

Oh, by the way, Betty, what did you get me last Christmas?

[Zukiya]

Well, don't you remember, darling?

[Betty]

Those long handled Chinese back scratch Back scratchers.

[Mel Blanc]

Back scratchers? Yeah, and I've been serving salad with them all year. Gosh, Betty, won't it be swell when we're married and can have Christmas in our own little house? We'll get up Christmas morning and look at the tree with all the presents.

[Betty]

Yes, and then maybe we'll hear the patter of little feet around the tree.

[Mel Blanc]

Betty, Santa Claus doesn't bring children.

[Betty]

I know that, Mel. And I think you should should also know that Willie Murdoch is giving me a wonderful gift and very expensive.

[Mr. Colby]

Willie Murdoch?

[Narrator/Announcer]

Willie Murdoch?

[Mel Blanc]

Probably just trying to impress your father. Betty, why does your father favor him over me? He's got little narrow shoulders and I've got. Well, he's got a small forehead and I've got. He's got practically no chin and I've got. Gosh, we look so much alike. I don't see how your father can tell us apart.

[Betty]

Willie will take care of that with his Christmas gift.

[Mel Blanc]

Oh, is that so? Well, I'm gonna get some money and get you a much bigger Christmas present. Oh, hello, Mr. Colby.

[Betty]

Hello, Father.

[Mr. Colby]

Betty, are you here again? How many times have I told you to stay away from this no good, timid nincompoop?

[Betty]

Father, that's not true. Mel is not timid.

[Mel Blanc]

That's right. Betty.

[Mr. Colby]

Betty, this. This pauper will never amount to anything.

[Mel Blanc]

Is that so?

[Narrator/Announcer]

Is that so?

[Mr. Colby]

I bet you don't have a quarter to your name.

[Mel Blanc]

Is that so? That's so.

[Mr. Colby]

Well, look, Mr. Cole. Betty, you go on back to the supermarket. You should be helping Willie prepare for the new radio program.

[Betty]

Yeah, all right, Father. Goodbye, Mel.

[Mel Blanc]

Bye, Betty.

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[UnitedHealthcare Narrator]

UnitedHealthcare nurse Crystal checked in on a patient.

[UnitedHealthcare Nurse Crystal]

We do a routine call after surgery and I could tell in her voice that she was strugg.

[UnitedHealthcare Narrator]

Crystal knew she needed help.

[UnitedHealthcare Nurse Crystal]

I knew that this is very serious. This is like septic, this is life threatening.

[UnitedHealthcare Narrator]

And she knew just what to do.

[UnitedHealthcare Nurse Crystal]

And I called the hospital and said she's coming in.

[UnitedHealthcare Narrator]

Here are her labs and got her the help she needed.

[UnitedHealthcare Nurse Crystal]

I see my role at UnitedHealthcare as a life saving role.

[UnitedHealthcare Narrator]

Hear more stories like [e-mail] benefits, features and or devices vary by plan. Area limitation and exclusions apply.

[Mel Blanc]

Mr. Colby, did you say something about a radio program?

[Mr. Colby]

Yes, but it needn't bother you.

[Mel Blanc]

Needn't bother me, Mr. Colby? Me? The greatest actor in town.

[Mr. Colby]

Oh, never mind that. I came in to see if you could straighten out this signet ring I'm wearing. It's gotten a little lopsided.

[Mel Blanc]

Oh, that's easy, Mr. Colby. Just lay your finger on the counter here. Here. Yeah, that's fine. Now I'll just take this hammer and.

[Zukiya]

Oh, Mel Blank.

[Mel Blanc]

What's the matter, Mr. Colby? The ring isn't lopsided anymore?

[Mr. Colby]

No, now my finger is.

[Mel Blanc]

Well, Mr. Colby, if I've done anything to hurt you, let me make it up by acting in your radio program. What kind of a program is it anyway?

[Mr. Colby]

Well, it's an idea my manager, Willie Murdoch gave me. I'm sponsoring a program which appeals to the ladies. Great idea. Willie's Supper at the Supermarket.

[Mel Blanc]

Supper at the supermarket. Say, that's a natural for me. I would make a perfect master of ceremonies.

[Narrator/Announcer]

No, I'm leaving.

[Mel Blanc]

Oh, don't go, Mr. Colby, listen to this. Now you have eight.

[Mr. Colby]

Will you try for 16?

[Mel Blanc]

Who does that sound like?

[Mr. Colby]

Tommy Manville?

[Mel Blanc]

No, no, Phil Harris. Oh, I'll even do his accordion. I should have said Baker. I'll even do Baker's accordion. I can do either one of them, but I'll do. But I'll do Phil Baker's accordion.

[Mr. Colby]

Listen to this.

[Mel Blanc]

Oh, Mel Blank, I've had enough joke. Wait a minute. I'm a natural for. I'm a natural for radio. Mr. Colby, listen to this. You gotta start out each day with a song, even if things go wrong.

[Mr. Colby]

Well, Blank, you come around to my program and I'll break every bone in your body.

[Mel Blanc]

Now, how do you like that? Everybody wants to get into the act. Please, Mr. Colby, give me a chance. Besides, I need the money badly. I want to get Betty a Christmas gift. And I don't want to give her just anything. I want to give her something she'll like.

[Mr. Colby]

Now, don't worry. If she likes you, she'll like anything. Besides, my manager, Willie Murdoch's going to be the master of ceremonies. Well, I gotta go now.

[Mel Blanc]

Oh, wait, Mr. Colby. Just one more. Ah, there's good news tonight. The international picture is a bit clouded. On the one end we see good tidings. On the other hand, we see bad tidings. Who knows, tomorrow maybe just tidings.

[Zukiya]

In conclusion.

[Mr. Colby]

In conclusion, I'm leaving.

[Mel Blanc]

Oh, gosh, I'll never be able to get enough money for Betty's gift. What'll I do? Ah, there's bad news for Mel Blight tonight. In conclusion, we can safely say that for men it looks very blind.

[Narrator/Announcer]

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[Narrator/Commercial Announcer]

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[Narrator/Announcer]

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[Narrator/Commercial Announcer]

Now, Victor Miller, the sportsman and Uncle Remus.

[Narrator/Announcer]

Uncle Remus, Uncle Remus. Uncle Remus said. Gather round, me little chillin before you you go to bed. Just give him your attention, Hear what he's got to say. I'll tell you how the animals got that way. The leopard's pappy got the gout from eating too much speckled trout His Pammy dreamed of polka dots and that's how the leopard got his spots. That's what Uncle Remus said that's what Uncle Remus said. From speckled trout and polka duck that's.

[Mel Blanc]

How the leopard got his spots.

[Narrator/Announcer]

More, more, more, more. Uncle Remus, tell us more. The piggy saw his monkey friend swinging by his other end he tried the same thing on a rail and that's how the piggy got a curly tail that's what Uncle Remus says that's what Uncle Remus said. He tried the same thing on a rail. That's why the piggy's got a curly tail. That's all, little chillens. That's all, little chillins. Be good, little chillens.

[Narrator/Commercial Announcer]

Time to go to bed.

[Narrator/Announcer]

That's right, Uncle. We must. Good night, uncle, we must.

[Zukiya]

She died, Uncle.

[Narrator/Announcer]

Wie my or we'll put a hole in your head. Your head.

[Narrator/Commercial Announcer]

Mel Blanc tried to get the job of master of ceremonies on Mr. Colby's new radio program, Supper at the Supermarket, so that he could buy his girlfriend Betty, as expensive a gift as the one his rival, Willie Murdoch is getting her. But Mr. Colby turned Mel down cold, and Mel still hasn't been able to raise any money. However, the wonderful thing about Mel is that he never worries. Despite his predicament, he calmly goes about his duties in the fix it shop. Right now, his keen mind is tackling the delicate problem of restoring the voice of a mama doll.

[Mel Blanc]

Gosh, if only gets Betty a better present than I do.

[Narrator/Commercial Announcer]

With experienced fingers, he deftly manipulates the mechanism of the voice of the doll.

[Mel Blanc]

I gotta get some money.

[Narrator/Commercial Announcer]

Gee.

[Mel Blanc]

My customers owe me plenty.

[Narrator/Commercial Announcer]

Now, having completed the delicate operation, he dips the mama doll gently forward.

[Mel Blanc]

Ah, just like new. Oh, I know what to do.

[Zukiya]

Hey, Zuki. Yeah?

[Mel Blanc]

Look, Zuki, here's a list of people who owe us money. I want you to go out and collect it.

[Zukiya]

Oh, okay. Melee, you can. On me. Gee, I hope I can collect some money for. Well, here's the first house here meeting Mrs. Brown. I'll ring the baby. I'll ring the b. I'll ring the baby. I'll knock on the door. Hello, Mrs. Brown. I came to collect for Mel's repair job on your washing machine.

[Betty]

What? Do you know what he did to my washing machine? I just put these sheets through it and look at them.

[Zukiya]

Gee, what lovely lace curtains. Well, Ed, here's the Jones house. How do you do, Mrs. Jones? I came to collect the bill for Mel Blanc. Well, here's the Smith house. How do you do, Mrs. Smith? I came to collect. Well, here's the Gibbs house. How do you do? Well, here's the Martin house. Nobody home.

[Mel Blanc]

Well, Zookie, how did you make out?

[Zukiya]

Oh, well, I. I collected 10 to the. 10 to the. 5 to the 3 to the. Not a dime. Oh, Mel, here comes Mr. Cushing, the President of the Loyal Order of.

[Mr. Colby]

Benevolent Zebras.

[Narrator/Announcer]

Hello, Mel.

[Mel Blanc]

Greetings, mighty potent Tate.

[Narrator/Announcer]

Ugga, ugga, boo ugga, boo boo ugga.

[Mel Blanc]

How are you feeling?

[Mr. Colby]

Not Very well, Mel. Last Thursday, my wife and I had the worst fight we've ever had. Next morning, she was in the hospital.

[Narrator/Commercial Announcer]

Poor woman.

[Mr. Colby]

Poor woman nothing. She was visiting me. Brought me a pie.

[Zukiya]

She says, eat it. It's good for you. It'll melt in your mouth.

[Mel Blanc]

Well, did it melt in your mouth?

[Mr. Colby]

Yeah, but it hardened in my stomach. Everything about that woman is hard, Mel. Her relatives, her feelings, her face, her voice. If only her arteries would get that way. I don't know why I'm standing here telling you all this.

[Narrator/Announcer]

It's just that I don't know what to talk to.

[Mr. Colby]

Well, now, got to be going.

[Mel Blanc]

Before you uga. My, you potentate, where are you going?

[Mr. Colby]

Well, I'm going to Colby Supermarket program. The wife will be there because they're giving away a $40 bottle of perfume to the oldest woman in the audience.

[Mel Blanc]

Well, do you think your wife is old enough to win it? You really married a woman much older than you, didn't you, Mel?

[Mr. Colby]

Age didn't matter. When I first met my wife, Babe, I worshiped the ground she walked on. Besides, she owns the property.

[Mel Blanc]

I guess in your case, Cupid was a real estate agent. Say, did you go with Babe much before you married her?

[Mr. Colby]

Well, I went with her for five years, and then her uncle died and left her $3 million. After that, it was a case of love at first sight.

[Mel Blanc]

Oh, you only married her because her uncle left her that money.

[Mr. Colby]

No, that's not true, Mel. I would have married her no matter who left her. The. Mel. How different it was when we were first married. I remember I carved our initials on a big tree. She was so touched, she kissed the tree.

[Mel Blanc]

How romantic. Then what happened?

[Mr. Colby]

The tree died. Ma', am, you're not listening very carefully.

[Mel Blanc]

Well, I was just thinking, if I was the oldest lady in Colby Supermarket, I'd get the $40 bottle of perfume, then I'd give it to Betty, and that would settle everything. Say, mighty potentate. Do you know where I can get a lady's wig?

[Mr. Colby]

Well, I could let you have one of my wife's, but I won't have any part of such skullduggery. Goodbye now.

[Mel Blanc]

Gosh, I wonder how I sound as an old lady.

[Zukiya]

Ah, thank you, thank you.

[Mr. Colby]

Thank you, ladies and gentlemen.

[Mel Blanc]

Well, well, well, are we having fun?

[Mr. Colby]

Isn't supper at the supermarket a gosh dandy program? Yes, sir. Well, the woman with a funny hat can sit down now. Well, this is Willie Murdoch handing the mic back to your host, Mr. Colby, who will select the very oldest lady in our Audience.

[Zukiya]

Excuse me, young lady. May I sit next to you?

[Betty]

Why, certainly, madam. My, you're awfully old.

[Mel Blanc]

Well, I gotta be to win the prize I'm getting for you, Mel.

[Betty]

You in a dress and a wish.

[Mel Blanc]

Quiet, Betty. Now, I'll get you a better gift than Murdoch, and I don't care how I do it.

[Mr. Colby]

Now, ladies, the highlight of our show, the awarding of this $40 bottle of perfume. I'm going to select the oldest lady in the audience. Call out your ages, please.

[Zukiya]

70, 80, 85, 90, 100 likes my last offer.

[Mr. Colby]

That's a very quaint way of putting it, madam. Did you say you were a hundred?

[Zukiya]

That's right, a hundred going on.

[Mr. Colby]

Going on what on?

[Zukiya]

Adrenaline.

[Mel Blanc]

What else?

[Mr. Colby]

Madam, what do you attribute your long life to?

[Zukiya]

Oh, vitamines.

[Mr. Colby]

Vitamins, eh? Yep.

[Zukiya]

My uncle ate vitamins all the time, every day.

[Mel Blanc]

Oh.

[Zukiya]

Made him so lively and jumpy. Always jolly and happy. Finally, at 90, he died.

[Mr. Colby]

He died, huh?

[Zukiya]

Yeah. Pepys funeral. Every shawl.

[Mr. Colby]

Well, madam, before I give you the grand prize, we'd like to know what is your secret ambition?

[Zukiya]

To get the bottle of perfume.

[Mr. Colby]

Not yet. You must tell us what your secret ambition is.

[Zukiya]

Well, I'd like to go on the radio.

[Mr. Colby]

Well, what could you do on the radio?

[Zukiya]

Oh, I'd be a great mistress of ceremonies on a program like this. Guess who this is. You have eight. Will you try for 16?

[Narrator/Commercial Announcer]

I know.

[Mr. Colby]

Phil Harris. I should have said Baker.

[Zukiya]

No, Tommy Manville.

[Mr. Colby]

Hey, that sounds familiar.

[Zukiya]

I'll take the perfume now.

[Mr. Colby]

Not before you do another impersonation, Grandmother.

[Zukiya]

Well, all right. You gotta start out each day with a song. Even when things go wrong.

[Mr. Colby]

I've heard that before. Only a short while ago.

[Zukiya]

How do you like that? Everybody wants to get into the air. I'll take the perfume now.

[Mr. Colby]

Mr. Colby, we only have 30 seconds left on the air. It's time for you to kiss the old lady.

[Zukiya]

I'll go and you can keep the perfume.

[Mel Blanc]

So long.

[Zukiya]

I mean, so long.

[Mr. Colby]

Just as I suspected.

[Mel Blanc]

Mel Blank.

[Mr. Colby]

I'll teach you to make a fool out of me. I'm going to break every bone in your body.

[Mel Blanc]

Gosh, Betty, imagine your father throwing me out like that. A fine way to treat an old lady.

[Betty]

Oh, Mel, darling, it's all my fault. I should never have mentioned Willie Murdoch's gift to you to get me a better gift. Look what you went through.

[Mel Blanc]

Yeah, the door of your father's supermarket. Oh, what's the use?

[Betty]

Oh, look, here comes Willie Murdoch.

[Zukiya]

Willie, what happened to you?

[Mr. Colby]

Oh, your father didn't like the program. So he threw me out of the supermarket too.

[Narrator/Announcer]

He did?

[Mr. Colby]

Yeah.

[Mel Blanc]

How do you like that? Everybody wants to get into the act.

[Narrator/Commercial Announcer]

Now, Guys, we'll be back in just a minute.

[Narrator/Announcer]

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[Narrator/Announcer]

Don't take a chance with your romance. Use Colgate Toothpowder.

[Mel Blanc]

This is Mel Blanc saying thanks for listening.

[Zukiya]

Good night and that's all, folks.

[Mr. Colby]

This is Bunny reminding you that CO2.

[Mel Blanc]

Powder for breakfast treat and be sparkle raising a Mel Blank show every Tuesday at this time.

[Mr. Colby]

Be sure to join us again next.

[Narrator/Commercial Announcer]

Tuesday night for more fun with Mel.

[Mel Blanc]

And the people you'll meet in Mel.

[Narrator/Commercial Announcer]

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[Mr. Colby]

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[Narrator/Commercial Announcer]

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[Mr. Colby]

But Halo shampoo contains no soap, therefore.

[Narrator/Commercial Announcer]

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[Mr. Colby]

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Deborah had to have surgery.

[Narrator/Announcer]

I had hip surgery in November of 2024.

[UnitedHealthcare Narrator]

Her United Healthcare nurse, Crystal, checked on her.

[UnitedHealthcare Nurse Crystal]

We do a routine call after surgery and I could tell that she was struggling.

[UnitedHealthcare Narrator]

Deborah needed help.

[Narrator/Announcer]

My infection markers were through the roof.

[UnitedHealthcare Narrator]

And Crystal knew what to do.

[UnitedHealthcare Nurse Crystal]

I called the hospital and said, she's.

[UnitedHealthcare Narrator]

Coming in and got Deborah the help she needed.

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