Chase And Sanborn Hour 37-07-04 Guest - Hoagy Carmichael

Summary

Podcast Summary: Chase And Sanborn Hour 37-07-04 Guest - Hoagy Carmichael

Release Date: June 14, 2025

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Episode Overview

In this episode of Harold's Old Time Radio, titled "Chase And Sanborn Hour 37-07-04 Guest - Hoagy Carmichael", listeners are treated to a delightful blend of comedy, music, and engaging dialogues reminiscent of the Golden Age of Radio. The show features a star-studded cast, including Don Ameche, Charlie McCarthy, Dorothy Lamour, W.C. Fields, Edgar Bergen, and the special guest, the legendary musician and composer Hoagy Carmichael. The episode seamlessly weaves together humorous sketches, musical performances, and a captivating dramatic segment titled "Hop O My Thumb."

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Comedic Exchanges and Cast Interactions

The episode kicks off with a lively exchange between Don Ameche and his iconic ventriloquist partner, Charlie McCarthy. Their banter sets a playful tone for the show:

• Don Ameche [01:02]: "This is the Jason Sanborn Hour. And this is Don Ameche saying hello."

• Charlie McCarthy [01:05]: "And Charlie McCarthy saying cheerio."

The chemistry between Don and Charlie is palpable, with Charlie adding his signature wit:

• Charlie McCarthy [01:32]: "Now, it may be only good coffee to you, but I meet you, it's bread and butter to burden me."

As the show progresses, Dorothy Lamour and W.C. Fields join in the comedic fray, enhancing the lively atmosphere with their humorous lines and playful interactions.

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Guest Appearance: Hoagy Carmichael

A highlight of the episode is the appearance of Hoagy Carmichael, who brings his musical prowess and charming personality to the stage. Hoagy engages in a humorous yet insightful conversation with the cast, particularly with Bob Armbruster, the conductor of the Jason Sanborn Orchestra.

• Bob Armbruster [03:51]: "Thanks, son. You certainly know how to spread out the welcome, Matt, and make a fella feel at home."

Their dialogue delves into light-hearted banter about musical education and talents:

• Bob Armbruster [06:28]: "Charlie, as a student of music, can you explain what is important about the year 1756?"

• Charlie McCarthy [06:36]: "Mozart was born in 1756."

Hoagy Carmichael shares anecdotes about his songwriting process, offering listeners a glimpse into his creative mind:

• Hoagy Carmichael [10:24]: "Well, I guess it was on July 29, 1928, at 11:35pm and I was whistling as I walked across. Across the University of Indiana campus."

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Musical Performances

The episode features several memorable musical performances that showcase the talents of Hoagy Carmichael and Dorothy Lamour. Their duet, "This is How a Dream Should End," is a soulful rendition that resonates with audiences:

• Hoagy Carmichael [12:15]:

  "Goodness lies all around me. Beauty and love surround me. How could it all be real?"

• Dorothy Lamour [12:36]:

  "This is how a dream should end. Having you here, close to my heart."

Later in the episode, Hoagy collaborates with Stanley Adams to introduce a new song inspired by a close friend:

• Hoagy Carmichael [58:15]:

  "I love you like my old felt hat oh, it's plain to see that you comfort me..."

• Dorothy Lamour [59:12]:

  "I love you like my old chapeau oh, it's plain to see that you comfort me..."

These performances not only entertain but also highlight Hoagy's exceptional songwriting abilities and Dorothy's captivating vocal talent.

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Dramatic Segment: "Hop O My Thumb"

One of the standout features of this episode is the dramatic play titled "Hop O My Thumb", starring Dorothy Lamour as Amanda and Don Ameche as Horace Greensmith. The narrative revolves around Amanda, a young laundry worker who dreams of love and happiness. The storyline unfolds with humor and heartfelt moments as Horace returns after being presumed dead, sparking a romantic interest.

Key moments from the segment include:

• Dorothy Lamour [18:13]:

  "Sure, he asked me. We're going to Coney Island to see the fireworks. You and Albert coming with us, Gertie?"

• Don Ameche [21:05]:

  "Well, for the love of Pete. Hey, look, you don't think I'm going to pay for all that, do you?"

The chemistry between Dorothy and Don brings the characters to life, making their interactions both amusing and endearing. The segment delves into themes of love, misunderstandings, and hopeful aspirations, all delivered with the show's signature humor.

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Notable Quotes

Several memorable lines from the episode stand out for their humor and charm:

• Charlie McCarthy [05:27]:

  "Charlie, you're not taking this seriously."

• Hoagy Carmichael [10:21]:

  "Yeah, I'll take Stardust anytime."

• W.C. Fields [44:44]:

  "I don't feel so well, Don. On my way over here, a little nipper tried to set me on fire."

• Dorothy Lamour [39:39]:

  "Well, I think he should be rather, sort of. Kind of, in a way."

• Hoagy Carmichael [59:11]:

  "I love you like my old felt hat oh, it's plain to see that you comfort me."

These quotes encapsulate the playful and engaging nature of the show, offering listeners a blend of wit, charm, and musical delight.

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Concluding Remarks

The Chase And Sanborn Hour 37-07-04 masterfully balances comedy, music, and storytelling, providing a nostalgic yet fresh experience for its audience. With the guest appearance of Hoagy Carmichael and the stellar performances by the cast, the episode stands out as a testament to the enduring appeal of old-time radio entertainment. Whether through humorous dialogues, heartfelt songs, or captivating dramatic segments, this episode offers something for every listener, ensuring its place as a memorable installment in the series.

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Credits:

• Host: Don Ameche
• Guest: Hoagy Carmichael
• Performers: Dorothy Lamour, Charlie McCarthy, W.C. Fields, Edgar Bergen, Robert Armbruster
• Musical Direction: Jason Sanborn Orchestra
• Production: Chase and Sanborn Coffee
• Network: Red Network of the National Broadcasting Company

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Transcript

[Unknown Teen Advocate]

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[Unknown Announcer]

The makers of Chase and Sanborn Coffee, a blend of the world's choice coffees, which is now so very reasonable in price. Presents Daisy Pitt, Dorothy Lamour, W.C. fields, Edgar Bergen and Charlie McCarthy. Hokey Carmichael, Robert Armbruster and Don Amici. This is the Chase and Sanborn Hour.

[Don Ameche]

This is the Jason Sanborn Hour. And this is Don Ameche saying hello.

[Charlie McCarthy]

And Charlie McCarthy saying cheerio.

[Don Ameche]

Oh, kind of English tonight, eh, Charlie?

[Charlie McCarthy]

Very definitely.

[Don Ameche]

I'm saying hello to everybody for Ms. Zu Pit, whose delightful humor has made her one of our best loved comedians.

[Dorothy Lamour]

Yeah.

[Charlie McCarthy]

Every morning she's in my grapefruit.

[Don Ameche]

Who's in your grapefruit?

[Charlie McCarthy]

Pitt? Beth.

[Don Ameche]

Who, Charlie. And for Hoagy Carmichael, who has a way of writing beautiful songs we never forget.

[Charlie McCarthy]

Aren't you going to say anything about Jason Sanborn?

[Don Ameche]

Yes, Charlie. A good coffee.

[Charlie McCarthy]

Now, it may be only good coffee to you, but I meet you, it's bread and butter to burden me.

[Don Ameche]

Yeah. To all of us, Charlie. Including W.C. fields.

[Dorothy Lamour]

Oh, boo.

[Don Ameche]

Edgar Bergen.

[Charlie McCarthy]

A mile his.

[Don Ameche]

And Charlie McCarthy.

[Dorothy Lamour]

Hear ye, hear ye.

[Don Ameche]

And Dorothy Lamour.

[Charlie McCarthy]

Ah, Lamour. I see her. Lamour. I know.

[Don Ameche]

And from Robert Iron Brewster, who conducts the Jason Sanborn Orchestra in the title song from Shall We Dance. With that tune, Bob Armbruster has paid all the initiation fees necessary to make him a member in high standing of our company.

[Bob Armbruster]

Thanks, son. You certainly know how to spread out the welcome, Matt, and make a fella feel at home.

[Don Ameche]

You know, Bob, Charlie was rather surprised when he saw you. He expected to find a real old fashioned maestro with sideburns dialect.

[Bob Armbruster]

We wouldn't want to break the little fellow's wooden heart, would we?

[Don Ameche]

No.

[Bob Armbruster]

Oh, so I will speak thick, unexcitable.

[Don Ameche]

Well, the thicker the better, my soul. Now we go to work for the Bergens are coming around the van. Oh, Professor Armbruster, I want to thank you.

[Charlie McCarthy]

I think it was very nice of.

[Don Ameche]

You to be willing to sacrifice part of your valuable time to help Charlie with his music.

[Charlie McCarthy]

I'm confident that Charlie has hidden talent. Oh, the stuff's there. It's mellow, but it's hiding.

[Bob Armbruster]

You are Herr Bergen.

[Charlie McCarthy]

Get a load of that with you.

[Bob Armbruster]

I shall be happy to help you, my little something.

[Charlie McCarthy]

What have we got here? Take the gum out of your mouth, Professor.

[Bob Armbruster]

I remember as a little fellow student days in Vienna. I studied there. In Vienna.

[Charlie McCarthy]

Oh, you killed me, Andras. You kill me.

[Bob Armbruster]

12 years in all I have studied. When still I feel that I know very little about.

[Charlie McCarthy]

Well, that's the way you impress me too.

[Bob Armbruster]

I studied in Paris, un In Moscow, un Graduated with honest from the Vienna cardspielen Conservatory.

[Charlie McCarthy]

Oh, did you play? Contract or auction?

[W.C. Fields]

Ja.

[Bob Armbruster]

Un pinnacle. And also the weilin.

[Dorothy Lamour]

Un.

[Bob Armbruster]

Yet I perspired to greater heights. At 21, I studied for five more years.

[Charlie McCarthy]

Yet on the Weilin, you know, you fiddled away the five best years of your life. You know that?

[Bob Armbruster]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. How true. And all that stuffing. Now, tell me, Charlie, are you acquainted mit Mozart und Beethoven?

[Charlie McCarthy]

Well, I tell you, yes and no. That is, I know them by sight. You see, I studied music for two years. Same piece, too. Still can't play it?

[Bob Armbruster]

Well, no. Funny. You can't play it. You have no heart. You have no soul.

[Charlie McCarthy]

I haven't even got a piano. But I thought you had a piano, Charlie. Well, I did have one when things were going a little better.

[Don Ameche]

Oh, I see.

[Charlie McCarthy]

And I was coming along fine too, Mr. Bergen. I'd finished Mozart and I'd started on Wagner when the piano went box. Well, that was unfortunate. Yes, well, I don't care. They gave me a bad buy.

[Hoagy Carmichael]

Yes, of course.

[Charlie McCarthy]

I gave them a bad check too.

[Bob Armbruster]

Charlie, as a student of music, can you explain what is important about the year 1756?

[Charlie McCarthy]

1756. Yes, of course. Of course, of course, of course. Yes. Now, don't tell me that's spoiled. I notice wells are no more names. Can't even think of that now. Most of the. I just guessed it. Mozart was born in 1756.

[W.C. Fields]

Ah, very good.

[Bob Armbruster]

Now, what happened in 1762?

[Charlie McCarthy]

1762. Montag was six years old.

[Bob Armbruster]

At six years he gave his fierce recital. And while still a boy, he wrote three great operas.

[Charlie McCarthy]

Yeah.

[Bob Armbruster]

Can you name them in their order?

[Charlie McCarthy]

Yeah, sure. First, second and third. Charlie, you're not taking this seriously.

[Bob Armbruster]

No, I think the boy maybe would like music that is more Americanisher. How would you like to play the Stars and Stripes Forever?

[Charlie McCarthy]

I think it would become very monotonous. I feel versed in two Chords is enough of any song. You know, the more I talk to you, professor, the less I care about music. You know that. You will regret this later on, Charlie.

[Bob Armbruster]

How true. My Wiener schnitzel. It is a part of life every human being wants. First food, then clothing, and then music.

[Charlie McCarthy]

Uh huh.

[Bob Armbruster]

What do you want, Charlie?

[Charlie McCarthy]

I'll take a corn fritter. Maybe I'm prejudiced. I'm afraid so. You see, I had so much of it at school, you know, Professor Bum Duster. Rum Duster. I played a duet with Skinny Dugan at the House of Correction.

[Bob Armbruster]

Was it a recital?

[Charlie McCarthy]

No, it was a reform school. That means did you play in front of an audience? You understand. A piano recital, an organ recital? Yes, yes, it was a piano recital.

[Bob Armbruster]

And what did you play?

[Charlie McCarthy]

I just told you. Played piano. You. Professor a.m. amrust wants to know just exactly what you played on the piano. Oh, so that. Well, our recital consisted of Wagner, Mozart and mistakes. It was a duet. And what a duet that was. We were neck and neck for the first two pages with Skinny Dugan the favorite.

[Don Ameche]

I.

[Bob Armbruster]

Don't tell me.

[Charlie McCarthy]

We were going along at a nice. When we passed a sign that said Accelerando. See?

[Don Ameche]

Yes.

[Charlie McCarthy]

So we both gave her the gun. Well, believe it or not, we went so fast, we went right through the darn finish.

[Don Ameche]

Exactly.

[Charlie McCarthy]

Skinny fell off the bench and the end gate fell off the piano. I just stood there and laughed. Play Profess.

[Don Ameche]

Ringside are watching the first round of that musical bout. I'd call it a draw, but I still bet that Charlie learns music from Bob. When it comes to music, whether it's the slow melodic rhythm of Stardust or the easy swinging rhythm of Lazy Bones or Little Old lady, we have present that modern music master, Hoagie Carmichael, and he's brought us a brand new tune written just for Dorothy Lamour, which he and Hoagie are going to give its premiere performance. And personally, I think it's one of the swellest tunes Hoagie's ever written.

[Hoagy Carmichael]

Oh, now wait a minute, Don. Don't build it up too much. It's just a little ditty I tossed off in a sentimental moment.

[Charlie McCarthy]

A snap, huh?

[Dorothy Lamour]

Sentimental moment and bing.

[Hoagy Carmichael]

A song Bing. Sometimes Rudy, sometimes a flop, sometimes, who knows?

[Dorothy Lamour]

Songs aren't just tossed off, are they, Hoagie?

[Hoagy Carmichael]

Well, sometimes they are, but not often. Not often enough. But take Stardust for instance.

[Don Ameche]

Yeah, I'll take Stardust anytime. How'd you get that, Hoagie?

[Hoagy Carmichael]

Well, I guess it was on July 29, 1928, at 11:35pm and I was whistling as I walked across. Across the University of Indiana campus. Then I rushed to a piano and I played. And at 11:45, I had added this strain. And then, well, let's see, it must have been, oh, about 10 minutes later I was playing.

[Don Ameche]

And at midnight, you were still going strong?

[Hoagy Carmichael]

Certainly was. About five minutes later, I had the ending like this. So, you see, it took about 30 minutes to write the entire chorus.

[Don Ameche]

Well, then I shouldn't think it'd be much work writing a song for Dorothy.

[Hoagy Carmichael]

Oh, it's even easier with such an inspiration. Yeah.

[Don Ameche]

All right, now break down and tell us how this new tune came along.

[Dorothy Lamour]

And be truthful, too.

[Hoagy Carmichael]

Now, look, you got me in a corner. When I was asked to be on this show, I knew I'd need a new tune. And so one night, I tried to dream one up, but I fell asleep in the process.

[Dorothy Lamour]

Did I inspire you to fall asleep?

[Hoagy Carmichael]

Well, not Dorothy. You know, I suppose thoughts of you should have kept me awake, but they didn't. And all of a sudden, in the middle of a dream, I heard a bell ring, and I reached for my alarm clock.

[Don Ameche]

Did you throw it out the window, Hoagie?

[Hoagy Carmichael]

That's right, Don. But it wasn't the alarm at all. It was the phone. And at the other end was Dorothy.

[Don Ameche]

I know, I get it. When you heard Dorothy's sweet voice, you said, this is how a dream should end. And from that came the title for this new song.

[Hoagy Carmichael]

If you believe they lived happily ever after. You believe that I actually said, dorothy, call me later. I've got a terrific headache.

[Don Ameche]

Yeah, but 20 minutes later you had the song.

[Hoagy Carmichael]

No, Don, I still had the headache. It wasn't until two or three days later that I really had the song.

[Dorothy Lamour]

I should hate him for being so brutally frank. But honestly, Hoagie, it's a swell song.

[Don Ameche]

Hoagie Carmichael and Dorothy Lamour sing this is how a dream Should End. Go ahead, Hoagie.

[Hoagy Carmichael]

Goodness lies all around me.

[Don Ameche]

Good is the way I feel.

[Hoagy Carmichael]

Beauty and love surround me. How could it all be real? Take it away, Dorothy.

[Dorothy Lamour]

This is how a dream should end. Having you here, close to my heart. This is how I picked such as my romance would be sweet as the moment when you're kissing me. This is how my wish came true. Having you near, never too far. I can well imagine the land of sweet Britannia. Cause this is how a story should be painted. This is how a dream should end. This is how my wish came true. Having you near, never too far. I can well Imagine the land of sweet creatures. Cause this is how a story should be planned. This is how a dream could end.

[Don Ameche]

Augie's written another new song that we're all going to get in on later, but our special concern at the minute is how to be happy, though hot. And since so many of us are looking for the perfect answer, here are some important facts about a cooling, refreshing summer drink.

[Unknown Teen Advocate]

Nearly 90% of kids who vape say flavors are why they do it. A lot of the flavors that I've heard are like peach, mango, watermelon. It makes it seem like more childlike and innocent. Oh, I tried this once. It won't be that much of a problem. But then eventually it becomes a problem. It's time to restrict the sale of flavored tobacco products in Oregon and protect our kids from nicotine addiction. Urge lawmakers to Pass Senate Bill 702A. Take action at flavorshookoregonkids.org paid for by the Campaign for Tobacco Free Kids Action Fund.

[Nicole Byer]

We interrupt this program to bring you an important Wayfair message Wayfair's got Style tips for Every Home this is Nicole Byer helping you make those rooms flyer. Today's style Tip when it comes to making a statement, treat bold patterns like neutrals. Go wild like an untamed animal. Print area rug under a rustic farmhouse table from wayfair.com Ooh. Fierce. This has been your Wayfair style tip to keep those interiors superior.

[Dorothy Lamour]

Wayfair Every Style, Every Home Iced coffee.

[Unknown Announcer]

Is in great favor these hot summer days. And if you want iced coffee with plenty of full, refreshing flavor, please don't overlook this fact. Unless you're careful, the melting ice that cools your coffee can make it weak and watery too, but that's easy to avoid if you'll just make sure you have more than enough rich, delicious flavor to start with. For extra strength, measure your coffee a little more generously than usual. And for extra richness, always use the blend that gives you fuller, finer flavor. Chase and Sanborn Coffee, as you know, is a rich blend of the world's choice coffee and you always enjoy it at its best or it's rushed straight from roasting to your groceries and the date on every bag guarantees freshness and full bodied flavor. What's more, dating and rapid delivery makes expensive containers needless. Instead, we pack Jason Sanborn Dated Coffee in an economical dated paper bag. This saving in container cost enables us to buy finer coffee so you'll get higher quality at a very low price. This rich, satisfying blend is delicious either hot or ripe. Enjoy it often. Buy a pound of Chase and Sanborn dated coffee from your grocer tomorrow.

[Don Ameche]

We all love Zezu Pit for swell sense of humor in the many comedy roles she's played. But in the new picture 52nd Street, Zezou's very happy because she gets a chance to play a sympathetic part instead of straight comedy. And she's even happier now, for she's going to show her gift for playing warm and human drama as Amanda in Hop O My Thumb. The wistful story of a little laundry grudge who dreams of the love and happiness she's never known. Ms. Zezu Pitt.

[Dorothy Lamour]

Thank you, Doc.

[Unknown Announcer]

Hopper. My Thumb. Starring Zezu Pitts as Amanda and Donna Michi as Horace. With Dorothy Lamour as Rose and Margaret Brayton as Gertie. There's a hot July evening in the basement laundry where Amanda works. The girls have finished their ironing for the day and Amanda sits on the table dreaming of the handsome stranger who left the shirt to be laundered almost a year ago and never came back. Amanda's never had a bow to take her out and give her presents. And it makes her sad to hear Rosie and Gertie talking about their plans for the weekend.

[Dorothy Lamour]

Sure, he asked me. We're going to Coney island to see the fireworks. You and Albert coming with us, Gertie? I say we are. Well, Amanda, got anybody to take you out tomorrow? Oh, I can't go anywheres tomorrow. Not in my circumstances. What do you mean, your circumstances? Oh, well, till he comes for me, you know, till he comes for his shirt. You mean the tall, handsome stranger none of us has ever seen and never will. Oh, yes, you will. We have an understanding. When he comes for his shirt, it's sort of a sign. And I shall know bright days are in store. Look, Rosie, here's his shirt all wrapped up and labeled. Mr. Horace Greensmith to be called for. Now you gimme that shirt. Not till you show us that Penny gave you, the one with the diamonds in it. All right, I will next week. But you gimme that shirt before you must it. Maybe he'll come for it today. Okay, take it. Say, when did you hear from him last? Oh, last Wednesday. No, no, it was Tuesday. But you ain't seen him again? No, but he's going to send me something nice. It's a heirloom, what you wear in your hair at the opera. A terrare, a tarare. I don't believe it. Oh, yes, it sticks in your head with spikes and it's got diamond stars. All around, just like a crown. And it glitters. Split to bind you. And then he's gonna marry, I suppose. After he asked my father. Ah, you're just a workhouse girl. You never had no father. You find somebody to take you out tomorrow, Amanda. Then maybe we'll believe you. Come on, Gertie, we gotta go. Don't forget, Amanda, you're gonna show us one of his presents. Hey, Rose, wait for me. They might have asked me to go with them. They might have, but nobody ever does.

[Don Ameche]

Hello, shrimp. Where's the old lady who runs this place?

[Dorothy Lamour]

Oh, Mr. Greensmith, I thought you was dead.

[Don Ameche]

Why should you think I was dead?

[Dorothy Lamour]

Oh, it's like one come back from the grave. But I shall be all right in a minute.

[Don Ameche]

Yeah, we'll make it snappy. How about that shirt I left here? Have you sold it or lost it?

[Dorothy Lamour]

It's all right, Mr. Greensmith. It's been took particular care of. Look, here it is.

[Don Ameche]

Why, good heavens. Did you wash it only yesterday?

[Dorothy Lamour]

Yes, Mr. Horace. I've washed it every week since you left so as to have it ready for you.

[Don Ameche]

Well, for the love of Pete. Hey, look, you don't think I'm going to pay for all that, do you?

[Dorothy Lamour]

Oh, no, Mr. Greensmith. We thought we'd never see you no more. You've been away most a year.

[Don Ameche]

So I was dead, was I? And the shirt was a souvenir. Now, who in the places wanted a souvenir of me? Not you. Hey, look, who are you anyway?

[Dorothy Lamour]

Oh, I'm an orphan, but I don't say. So do the others.

[Don Ameche]

The others? You mean to say there's any more here like you?

[Dorothy Lamour]

Oh, no, I don't think there's any others anywhere like me.

[Don Ameche]

No, I bet there aren't.

[Dorothy Lamour]

Of course, I'm not very tall. We don't grow much in the workhouse, but most of them large girls is fickle. Don't you think so, Mr. Greensmith?

[Don Ameche]

Ah, no girls is any good. I found that out.

[Dorothy Lamour]

Oh. Oh, Mr. Greensmith, you ain't married, are you?

[Don Ameche]

No, no, not me. I know too much about it.

[Dorothy Lamour]

Oh, I'm so glad. Are you in love, Mr. Greensmith?

[Don Ameche]

Hey, cut it out, will ya? I came here for my shirt, not the jaw. But my love affairs.

[Dorothy Lamour]

I want to know particular.

[Don Ameche]

Well, I'm not in love just now. What do you think of that?

[Dorothy Lamour]

I expect lots of girls are in love with you.

[Don Ameche]

Oh, sure, certainly. I can hardly get down the street. There's so many of them.

[Dorothy Lamour]

You wouldn't say I was pretty would you, Mr. Greensmith?

[Don Ameche]

Oh, I really haven't thought about it.

[Dorothy Lamour]

You wouldn't think about it, would you? Well, but looks ain't everything, are they? Some of them pretty girls ain't really very nice, Mr. Horace.

[Don Ameche]

Yeah?

[Dorothy Lamour]

Do you know what? Oh, I can hardly. Well, I can hardly tell you, but all the girls who work here say you're in love with me.

[Charlie McCarthy]

What?

[Don Ameche]

Me in love with. Good heavens.

[Dorothy Lamour]

You know, girls will talk, Mr. Horace.

[Don Ameche]

You mean to say a bunch of.

[W.C. Fields]

Girls think I am?

[Don Ameche]

Oh, that's rich.

[Dorothy Lamour]

I hope you wouldn't laugh, Mr. Horace.

[Don Ameche]

So I'm in love with you, am I? Well, look. Come on, shrimp, climb up on this table so your loving husband can give you a kiss.

[Dorothy Lamour]

All right, help me up.

[Don Ameche]

What, you mean to say you really think I'm going to kiss you?

[Dorothy Lamour]

I should like you to kiss me, Mr. Horace.

[Don Ameche]

Well, I'll be. Hey, wait a minute, wait a minute. Take it easy. Slow down, will you?

[Dorothy Lamour]

I haven't told you all yet. You see, nobody ever gives me nothing. So I told the girls you gave me things, you know, like diamonds and jewelry and watches.

[Don Ameche]

So they think I've been giving you presents, huh? You made a nice mess of things, haven't you?

[Dorothy Lamour]

Well, since you ain't dead, couldn't you go on saying nothing and let me go on pretending?

[Don Ameche]

I certainly could not. Say, you've got a nerve.

[Dorothy Lamour]

It wouldn't cost you nothing. I thought you might oblige a lady. Oh, don't you see? I got nothing, Mr. Horace, nothing.

[Don Ameche]

Oh, come on, come on now, quit crying. You don't need to drown the place out. Tell. Tell the fool girls whatever you like, I don't care. But give me my shirt, will you?

[Dorothy Lamour]

Then I shan't have anything to remember you by.

[Don Ameche]

Well, I don't know. Look. Look, kid, here. Here's a present for you. My tie pin. 42 karat gold diamond mounted, pearl center, emerald border encrusted with ruby. 69 cent special. There you are, my dear.

[Dorothy Lamour]

Oh, Mr. Horace.

[Don Ameche]

But now we're quits.

[Dorothy Lamour]

I did want something to show the girls and it's lovely. Oh, it's lovely, but. But it means you're going away forever. Couldn't you keep it? Not go?

[Don Ameche]

I should say not. I've got to go right now. The quicker the better. If you ask me.

[Dorothy Lamour]

I could carry the shirt for you, Mr. Horace. It's real nice strolling in the summer evenings and it would be no trouble.

[Don Ameche]

You mean we could go for strolls every evening, huh? Is that what's on your Mind?

[Dorothy Lamour]

Oh, yes, yes, yes.

[Don Ameche]

And what would my friends say?

[Dorothy Lamour]

I wouldn't mind, Mr. Horror.

[Don Ameche]

Yeah, but what about me?

[Dorothy Lamour]

I shouldn't expect you to marry me.

[Don Ameche]

Oh, thanks. Much obliged.

[Dorothy Lamour]

I'm sure I didn't even dream you'd marry me. Really.

[Don Ameche]

Look here, kid. I'm gonna talk to you like a father. You're putting your money on the wrong horse. I'm straight. But if you was to talk to some guys like this.

[Dorothy Lamour]

Oh, but I wouldn't.

[Don Ameche]

If you go walking with me, what will the other girls say? You don't want to lose your character, do you?

[Dorothy Lamour]

I wouldn't mind.

[Don Ameche]

Well, for the love of Pete, you don't seem to mind anything. I suppose all the other girls are going out tomorrow since it's a holiday.

[Dorothy Lamour]

Oh, yes.

[Don Ameche]

What about you? Hasn't anybody asked you? Haven't they?

[Dorothy Lamour]

Nobody's asked me. Never. I see them all start out with their fellows every time. Oh, it don't matter, Mr. Horace.

[Don Ameche]

Oh, sure it does. Say, look here. Suppose I take you tomorrow.

[Dorothy Lamour]

Do you mean it?

[Don Ameche]

What? Didn't I say it?

[Dorothy Lamour]

Oh, Mr. Horace.

[Don Ameche]

All right, then, it's settled. I'll call for you at 9 sharp tomorrow morning.

[Dorothy Lamour]

You won't change your mind? Can I tell all the girls?

[Don Ameche]

Oh, you can tell the whole world if you like.

[Dorothy Lamour]

Oh, won't the girls stare? Not one of them's got a fella like you. You'll be here at 9. That's when the others go.

[Don Ameche]

Oh, you. You mean. You mean the others start from here?

[Dorothy Lamour]

Yeah.

[Don Ameche]

Oh, let me see. Nine o' clock. Yeah. Yeah, that's all right. Listen, though. I think we better meet at the drugstore on Elm Street.

[Charlie McCarthy]

Huh?

[Dorothy Lamour]

Elm Street? Way down there.

[Don Ameche]

Well, what's the matter with Elm Street? Everybody knows a drugstore. It's a good place to meet, isn't it?

[Dorothy Lamour]

I should have liked them all to see me going off with you. They'll never believe me otherwise.

[Don Ameche]

Oh, Elm Street's much more convenient.

[Dorothy Lamour]

Yes, there won't be the crowd there is here.

[Don Ameche]

Oh, that's it. That's it. We don't want crowds, do we? Now, be sure and be there at 9. I'll pick you up. You could stay in the drugstore, couldn't you? And come out when I whistle.

[Dorothy Lamour]

Oh, yes. I needn't show myself till you come.

[Don Ameche]

Oh, that's. Well, that's fine. Tomorrow at 9 at Elm Street. Well, I'll be seeing you.

[Dorothy Lamour]

Oh, Mr. Horace.

[Don Ameche]

Yeah?

[Dorothy Lamour]

I. I can't go after all.

[Don Ameche]

Well, what do you. What do you mean you can't go.

[Unknown Teen Advocate]

Use of flavored tobacco by teens is a crisis. Tobacco companies use flavors like cotton candy, watermelon ice and cool mint to hook kids like me. They seem harmless, but they aren't. Addiction to nicotine sets us up for a lifetime of health problems. Organ legislators can do something about it. Passing Senate Bill 702A will keep flavor tobacco away from kids. But there are just a few short weeks left for lawmakers to act. Take action to protect kids like me. @ flavorshookorgonkids.org paid for by the Campaign for Tobacco Free Kids Action Fund.

[Nicole Byer]

We interrupt this program to bring you an important Wayfair message. Wayfair's got style tips for every home. This is Stiles Mackenzie helping you make those rooms sing. Today's style tip. When it comes to making a statement, treat bold patterns like neutrals. Go wild like an untamed animal. Print area rug under a rustic farmhouse table From Wayfair Fierce. This has been your Wayfair style tip to keep those interiors superior.

[Dorothy Lamour]

Wayfair. Every style. Every home.

[Don Ameche]

Just a minute ago, you were dying to have somebody take you out.

[Dorothy Lamour]

I've just been pretending all this just to see what you do. You see, I. My people wouldn't let me go out with strangers.

[Don Ameche]

But. But you said you haven't any folks.

[Dorothy Lamour]

Oh, none of that's true. I've been very strictly brought up. And so, though I'm very much obliged to you, Mr. Greensmith, I mustn't accept your kind invitation.

[Don Ameche]

Well, for the love of Pete. So you made a fool out of me, huh? All right, Gurney. You just wait till I bring you more washing to do.

[Dorothy Lamour]

Now, don't be angry. You know it's a relief.

[Don Ameche]

Why? What do you mean, a relief?

[Dorothy Lamour]

Not to have to take me out a little hop on my thumb like me. And having everybody laughing at you and asking what it was and where you'd picked it up and why they hadn't drowned it when it was born.

[Don Ameche]

Hey, hey, look. Now cut. Cut that out, will you? Whoever said I felt like that?

[Dorothy Lamour]

Mr. Horace, may I keep the tie pin?

[Don Ameche]

Why, sure. You can keep whatever you want to.

[Dorothy Lamour]

Well, I suppose I ought to spurn it, but I can't. I'll keep it.

[Don Ameche]

Go ahead and keep it. Keep it for your great grandson.

[Dorothy Lamour]

Mr. Horace, would you say you ain't angry before you go? Just. Just to show there's no ill feeling.

[Don Ameche]

Say, let me look at you. Oh, now, listen, kid. Don't. Don't cry.

[Dorothy Lamour]

Oh, don't. Let me go.

[Don Ameche]

I. I guess we wasn't made for each other. Little what. What did you call yourself? Oh, a little hop on my thumb. But you're a game little kid. Come on, give us that kiss I asked you for.

[Dorothy Lamour]

Oh, Mr. Horace.

[Don Ameche]

There, I'm going this time.

[Dorothy Lamour]

Go. So long, Mr. Horace. He kissed me. He kissed me.

[Don Ameche]

Thank you very much, Zaezu, for a swell performance.

[Dorothy Lamour]

And thank you, Don, for one of your own.

[Don Ameche]

And remember, Zezu, you have a date with Horace McCarthy in a little while. So if you want to do some nose powdering, now's your turn. As Robert Armbruster conducts the Jason Sanborn Orchestra in two lively continental hits. First, a Little bit of Spain and Bullfighting El Relicario. And then a breeze from the Riviera and some fast foxtrotting. My Temptation.

[Dorothy Lamour]

Sam Ram.

[Unknown Announcer]

The Chase and Sanborn Hour with Zezu Fitz, Dorothy Lamour, W.C. fields, Hoagie Carmichael, Edgar Bergen and Charlie McCarthy. Robert Armbruster and the Chase and Sanborn Orchestra and Don Amici continues in just a moment.

[Unknown Teen Advocate]

Use of flavored tobacco by teens is a crisis. Tobacco companies use flavors like cotton candy, watermelon ice and cool mint to hook kids like me. They seem harmless, but they aren't. Addiction to nicotine sets us up for a lifetime of health problems. Organ legislators can do something about it. Passing Senate Bill 702A will keep flavored tobacco away from kids. But there are just a few short weeks left for lawmakers to act. Take action to protect kids like me@v flavors hookoregonkids.org paid for by the Campaign for Tobacco Free Kids Action Fund.

[Nicole Byer]

We interrupt this program to bring you an important Wayfair message. Wayfair's got style tips for every home. This is Nicole Byer helping you make those rooms flyer. Today's style tip. When it comes to making a statement, treat bold patterns like neutrals go wild like an untamed animal. Print area rug under a rustic farmhouse table. From wayfair.com Ooh, fierce. This has been your Wayfair style tip to keep those interiors superior.

[Dorothy Lamour]

Wayfair Every style, every home.

[Charlie McCarthy]

Oh, my, my, oh, my, my. Trouble, trouble, trouble, trouble. Life is earnest but oh, so sad.

[Don Ameche]

Boy, what's the matter, Charlie? You sound as if you lost your best friend.

[Charlie McCarthy]

Oh, it's not me I'm thinking about now. This time it's a change. I'm thinking about Ms. Pitt. Oh, poor little Ms. Hopper. My son wasn't that sad. She couldn't even get the man who wore the 14 and a half shirt all that sad.

[Dorothy Lamour]

Oh, Charlie, I think you're Wonderful.

[Charlie McCarthy]

Hey, wait a minute. What is this?

[Dorothy Lamour]

Love. Life for me is nothing but unrequited love.

[Charlie McCarthy]

What, again? Oh, poor sister. Say, but I know a man who's.

[Dorothy Lamour]

Oh, dear me. Is he alive?

[Charlie McCarthy]

Sometimes I wonder. Have you met Mr. Bergen? Well, there is a very lonesome man.

[Dorothy Lamour]

I can understand that.

[Charlie McCarthy]

I happen to know that he likes you. You could make him very happy. But he's so timid, you know. You'll have to be very forward.

[Dorothy Lamour]

Oh, I couldn't do that. I'm too backward to be forward.

[Charlie McCarthy]

Yes. Huh. As a matter of fact, Ms. Fitz, he really is in love with you. He's nuts about you. Go ahead now. Fess up, Bergen. Now, what do you mean, in love?

[Don Ameche]

Too timid. What is this?

[Dorothy Lamour]

I knew it wouldn't work. I never have any luck.

[Charlie McCarthy]

Oh, Mr. Bergen, are you going to stand in tonight? As you weren't reading love lyrics last night. Well, I was, yes.

[Dorothy Lamour]

Oh, how I enjoy poetry. I have written poetry. Uh. Oh, some of it even rhymes.

[Charlie McCarthy]

Yeah.

[Dorothy Lamour]

It's called To a Lover and His Sweetheart.

[Charlie McCarthy]

That ought to be called. Yeah.

[Dorothy Lamour]

Oh, you two are both so 1ish. Like a double yet a single There is duo still at 1o. Like a vision in a dream Think.

[Charlie McCarthy]

You got something there. Well, just what in heaven's name is that?

[Dorothy Lamour]

It isn't much good. It's free birth.

[Charlie McCarthy]

Free. You wouldn't be able to give it away. Tell her about the one you wrote, Mr. Bergen. It's just about as good.

[Don Ameche]

No, no, really.

[Charlie McCarthy]

Oh, come on.

[Don Ameche]

No, it was just as silly.

[Charlie McCarthy]

Oh, come on now. Come, come.

[Don Ameche]

No, I'd rather not.

[Charlie McCarthy]

Oh, come, come now, C. You want to be cold. All right, then. It was just a simple little thing. Oh, that's clear to see.

[Dorothy Lamour]

Yeah.

[Charlie McCarthy]

Your hair is like the clouds in a storm tossed sky. See, that's not. The blue of the Pacific is in your eye. That's the left one, you know, the good one.

[Dorothy Lamour]

Oh, isn't that sentimental?

[Don Ameche]

You can have your kingdom, your dukes.

[Charlie McCarthy]

And earls but give me your teeth. They're just like pearls. Boy, oh, boy. That's really dynamite there. Take them out and show him. Go ahead.

[Don Ameche]

All right. There's more.

[Charlie McCarthy]

It gets worse as it goes on. Your lips are like petals of a hothouse bicycle. All right. Well, that gives you a fair idea how Bergen writes. Now, don't you think Zaezu would make someone a very sweet wife?

[Don Ameche]

Oh, I certainly do.

[Charlie McCarthy]

Well, then, what are you waiting for? There you are. Now, let me set the wedding date. Wait a minute, dear.

[Dorothy Lamour]

Oh, my. This is so Sudden.

[Charlie McCarthy]

What's the matter? What kind of a man do you want?

[Dorothy Lamour]

Well, I think he should be rather, sort of. Kind of, in a way.

[Charlie McCarthy]

Well, that's Bergen. That's Bergen. You can't describe him. That's Bergen. Well, have you ever known real love, Daddy? You know, real love?

[Dorothy Lamour]

Well, in a way.

[Charlie McCarthy]

Now, don't beat around the bush. Come clean. Now, don't you believe marriage is a wonderful thing?

[Dorothy Lamour]

Oh, indeed I do. I think love is just lovely and so romantic.

[Charlie McCarthy]

Isn't that Ducky? Yes, and she bakes a mean hunk of Donut Bergen too. How about it, Zoo?

[Dorothy Lamour]

It's not that I couldn't be very happy with Mr. Bergen, but.

[Charlie McCarthy]

Well, then, what more do you want?

[Dorothy Lamour]

Oh, well, I don't think my husband would like it.

[Charlie McCarthy]

Yeah. Wow. By the way, Howie's these days. Yeah. Hey, wait a minute. As Dan Cupid, I'm stupid. Truly on this reclaim love.

[Don Ameche]

There's a song going around and around in my head and I like it so much I can't stop listening to it. And I'd like to have you listen with me to I hum a walk when you come to me on a night like this I humor Whenever I feel to your kids the music declare you're in my arms and as we dance we pile that wind and sea to paradise if only you will hum it too Then I know the answer divine for it tells me that you will be more when you come to me all night like this Whenever I thrill to your kiss.

[Dorothy Lamour]

Sam.

[Don Ameche]

The music play you're in my arms and as we dance we find that with an sea to paradise if only you will hum it Then I know the answer divine it tells me that you will be mine Like a threatening storm that never breaks Like a bolt of lightning that never strikes Like a clap of thunder that grumbles and mumbles and rumbles and boom. Look at the rainbow. WC Field. Well, how you feeling, Don? I mean, how you feeling, Bill?

[W.C. Fields]

I'm feeling all right, Bill. Which one am I?

[Don Ameche]

I don't know. I guess you're you.

[W.C. Fields]

I don't feel so well, Don. On my way over here, a little nipper tried to set me on fire.

[Don Ameche]

Is that so, Bill?

[W.C. Fields]

Yeah. He struck a match and tried to burn my nose. Mistook it for a firecracker.

[Don Ameche]

Oh, well, that's an awful way to celebrate the fourth, Bill.

[W.C. Fields]

Yeah, it's even a terrible way to celebrate the first. My brother was shot on the first, Don.

[Don Ameche]

Oh, he was, Bill?

[W.C. Fields]

Yeah, he's trying to open his own safe.

[Don Ameche]

Well, how Was that he thought it.

[W.C. Fields]

Was his own save. Walks in his sleep, you know, he went over to the bank and started monkeying around. The constable on the beat shot him. He immediately rushed my brother to the morgue.

[Don Ameche]

Do you mean the hospital, Bill?

[W.C. Fields]

You want me to tell this story, John?

[Don Ameche]

Sure, sure, Bill. All right. You. You mean the morgue.

[W.C. Fields]

Oh, now you're going to tell me what I mean.

[Don Ameche]

Please, please, Bill. Will you please go on, then?

[W.C. Fields]

Please be quiet.

[Don Ameche]

Yeah, I'm sorry. Your brother walks in asleep and he was shot by a policeman.

[W.C. Fields]

Oh, you know the story then?

[Don Ameche]

No, no, Bill. I don't know the story then, and I don't know now. Please, will you go on, Bill? All right. Sure, Bill.

[W.C. Fields]

All right. My father was summons immediately to the cemetery.

[Don Ameche]

Are we in the cemetery now?

[W.C. Fields]

No, the morgue.

[Don Ameche]

Well, Bill, please, let's keep this thing straight. Your brother and your father were.

[W.C. Fields]

Why do you take such a keen interest in my family affairs?

[Don Ameche]

Well, I mean, nothing personal, Bill. I'm just interested in your story, that's all.

[W.C. Fields]

Oh, so you're not interested in my family at all, Just want me to tell about them, then you go and gabbit all over the country. Is that the idea?

[Don Ameche]

Oh, now, please, please, Bill. I'm exhausted.

[W.C. Fields]

Would you like a little drink? I have a couple of bottles of scotch here. Always carry two quarts with me. For medicinal purposes, Don.

[Don Ameche]

Of course, Bill.

[W.C. Fields]

Yeah, I don't want to make the judge and the doctor look bad.

[Don Ameche]

Yeah, but look, now, Bill, where. Where were we?

[W.C. Fields]

I don't know. I forgot. There's absolutely too much argument going on here. Fish. Flash. Fluke. Flounder. I'm continuing my column, Don. And then he forgot all about it.

[Don Ameche]

Yeah. Flounder.

[W.C. Fields]

Fluke.

[Don Ameche]

Flash, flash. We're off again, boys.

[W.C. Fields]

Flesh. Flash, flash, flash. Whoa.

[Dorothy Lamour]

Wait, wait.

[Don Ameche]

Wait a minute, Bill. Here's Charlie.

[Unknown Teen Advocate]

Use of flavored tobacco by teens is a crisis. Tobacco companies use flavors like cotton candy, watermelon ice and cool mint to hook kids like me. They seem harmless, but they are. Addiction to nicotine sets us up for a lifetime of health problems. Organ legislators can do something about it. Passing Senate Bill 702A will keep flavored tobacco away from kids. But there are just a few short weeks left for lawmakers to act. Take action to protect kids like me. @ flavorshookoreegonkids.org paid for by the Campaign for Tobacco Free Kids Action Fund, we.

[Nicole Byer]

Interrupt this program to bring you an important Wayfair message. Wayfair's got style Tips for every home. This is Stiles MacKenzie helping you make those rooms sing. Today's style tip. When it comes to making a statement, treat bold patterns like neutrals. Go wild like an untamed animal. Print area rug under a rustic farmhouse table. From wayfair.com fierce. This has been your Wayfair style tip to keep those interiors superior.

[Dorothy Lamour]

Wayfair. Every style, every home.

[W.C. Fields]

Oh, that little rat's in a cage.

[Charlie McCarthy]

Hello, sweetheart.

[W.C. Fields]

Go away, you lowest form of plant life.

[Charlie McCarthy]

I just came here to bring you a great admirer of yours, Ms. Tazewell Pitt.

[W.C. Fields]

Go away.

[Charlie McCarthy]

Crush on you.

[W.C. Fields]

Go away. You attract aunts.

[Charlie McCarthy]

Well, I'd rather have my aunts than your uncles.

[Dorothy Lamour]

Oh, I'm sorry. Happy to see you, Mr. Fields. This is a reunion for me.

[W.C. Fields]

Now, quiet, please. I'm talking about my column.

[Dorothy Lamour]

Oh, Mr. Fields, how do you get your wonderful news?

[W.C. Fields]

I ride horseback through Hollywood side saddle.

[Dorothy Lamour]

Oh, isn't that nice?

[W.C. Fields]

I like to weave in and out amongst the automobiles and frighten the chauffeurs the way they used to frighten the horses in the early days.

[Don Ameche]

Oh, say, that's a great idea.

[W.C. Fields]

Yeah. Fish flam. Fluke. Flash. Fish. Went to Paramount today.

[Don Ameche]

Went. Went where, Bill?

[W.C. Fields]

Paramount.

[Don Ameche]

Bill Flint.

[W.C. Fields]

All right, make it Universal. You got me so mixed up now, I don't know whether I'm drinking Paramount coffee or making Jason Sanborn dated pictures.

[Don Ameche]

All right, Bill. All right. Go on, go on.

[W.C. Fields]

Went down to Paramount and asked the various stars and executives and pickets as they entered if he knew anyone who was going to have a baby. They didn't seem to know, or they would have least answered me.

[Don Ameche]

Surely. Slack. Wait. Wait a minute, bill. You know Ms. Pitts, don't you?

[W.C. Fields]

Oh, yes. Hello, Zuzu.

[Dorothy Lamour]

Thank you.

[W.C. Fields]

All right. I'm writing a column. Do you know anybody's gonna have a baby?

[Dorothy Lamour]

No, but I have a little son who's crazy about you.

[W.C. Fields]

Oh, that's fine. Dismiss it. Crazy about me? Fish. Flash Fluke. An open letter. The puse de puse. The great French fry. Fine French actress. You're getting all. You're getting me all. Makes sense. Up now, Zu. Please keep quiet.

[Dorothy Lamour]

It's Vasil. Isn't he a comical man?

[W.C. Fields]

Face there. Move over, Zulo. You're crowd and you're putting a hand. Move over. Go away, Zulu. An open letter to Pus. To Pus. You were walking on Hollywood Boulevard last week when two honest working men carrying their titles greeted you as you pass. He's the king. Howdy, toots. They shouted.

[Don Ameche]

Oh, how shocking.

[W.C. Fields]

Just a minute, Don. Bear with me. Nope. Letter Madame de Fuset, you arched your eyebrows, pointed your retusse nose to heaven and walked even faster, drawing your silken French frock tighter about your slightly plump figure.

[Dorothy Lamour]

Oh, I just love French frocks. When I was in Paris.

[W.C. Fields]

Oh, will you keep quiet, Zulu?

[Dorothy Lamour]

It's zezu.

[W.C. Fields]

Why don't you go and sit over there and be kind, comfortable. Take a fan. Madame depute, one of these gentlemen wore street cleaners, as you claim. They may not have the suave manner of your French fries. Parisian Boulevard here. Who shouts ooh la la. At the slightest provocation? Ooh la la.

[Dorothy Lamour]

Ooh la la.

[W.C. Fields]

I'm sorry. I started it.

[Dorothy Lamour]

Oh, how romantic. How I wish I was back in Paris now. So do I, Mr. Fields. Do you really mean that you wish I was in Paris?

[W.C. Fields]

Anywhere in Europe will go fish, Flash, fluke, fleek. Fluke, fleek, Flank flesh.

[Dorothy Lamour]

A fish means sole flit. So I have soul.

[W.C. Fields]

Don't interrupt me again, please, Zulu. I know it. What if these American gentlemen do? Sweet streets. Their honest hearts are made of coal.

[Dorothy Lamour]

How true. And the way they charge over there is something terrible.

[W.C. Fields]

Don, why don't you take her away? Will you please be quiet, Zulu? Madame de Pusy, why don't you invite them to your suite in the hotel? Ask him to have some of your friends. French petty de foy. GR with muta.

[Dorothy Lamour]

That's goose liver with mustard.

[W.C. Fields]

Oh, yeah. Please keep quiet. Give them some frog legs.

[Dorothy Lamour]

Do you like frog legs, Mr. Field?

[W.C. Fields]

I never saw one with a good pair in my life. Go over there. Go over there. Suo and lie down the bass drum until they start playing something.

[Dorothy Lamour]

Oh, thank you, Madame de Fuset.

[W.C. Fields]

Give them some cheval roque.

[Dorothy Lamour]

What's that?

[W.C. Fields]

Gross. Whore. They will be only Q willing. Will you stop asking me questions, Zulu? Nobody knows what I'm talking about. Now with all these interruptions. This is a swell column. When I thought of it this morning, what was I talking about?

[Don Ameche]

Don Puse de puse.

[W.C. Fields]

Oh, thank you, Don de Puce. De Puce.

[Dorothy Lamour]

Oh, excuse me. Wouldn't it be funny if she had a daughter named Kitty de Kitty?

[W.C. Fields]

Be much funner. Far funnier if I took the tube and crowned her with Go ahead and scratch yourself. They will be only too willing to listen to reason. Go easy, Pusey de puse. And until at least they have seen the test. And I don't mean you or you or who or what. Have you now? Have you anything to say, Zulu?

[Don Ameche]

Who do you mean, Bill?

[W.C. Fields]

Oh, flish, flash, flute, flounder, flitch, flash.

[Dorothy Lamour]

Oh, Mr.

[W.C. Fields]

I'm too tired.

[Dorothy Lamour]

Do you know what my boy always says about you?

[W.C. Fields]

It doesn't matter, Zulu.

[Dorothy Lamour]

The name is Azul.

[W.C. Fields]

All right, Z. But don't be so aggressive.

[Dorothy Lamour]

My boy is always Talking about you, Mr. Fields.

[W.C. Fields]

Still doesn't matter, dear.

[Dorothy Lamour]

I told him the other day, if you're so crazy about Mr. Fields, why don't you go and live with him?

[W.C. Fields]

Oh, you did, did you? What is she getting up to now?

[Dorothy Lamour]

What do you think he said, Mrs. Fields?

[W.C. Fields]

I haven't the slightest idea, and I don't care.

[Dorothy Lamour]

Well, my son said, not without you, Mother. He always wants to go someplace.

[W.C. Fields]

I can tell you folks where they go.

[Dorothy Lamour]

Oh, dear, I don't know what to do. I guess I'll just have to go through life the victim of unrequited love.

[W.C. Fields]

Well, don't count on me for any help.

[Dorothy Lamour]

Even in the picture. 52nd street, which I played in for Walter Wanger, made over at United Artists.

[W.C. Fields]

Paramount. Paramount. Paramount.

[Don Ameche]

Paramount. Wait a minute. Let me get in on this, fellas, will you? 20th Century Fox. 20th Century Fox.

[Dorothy Lamour]

I sing a little song in 50 seconds.

[W.C. Fields]

I wouldn't care if you sang it in 14th Street.

[Dorothy Lamour]

But, Mr. Field. Well, I'm going to sing it for you.

[W.C. Fields]

Now, don't do me any favors.

[Don Ameche]

Oh, we. We'd love to hear it, Ms. Pitts. Wouldn't we, Bill?

[W.C. Fields]

Speak for yourself. This is interfering with my field. Fine fun with famous film folks in Polywall.

[Don Ameche]

Yeah, well, we'll. We'll take that later. All right, Ms. Pitts.

[Dorothy Lamour]

It's called 23 to Do. This is the way it goes. I had his picture in my locket.

[W.C. Fields]

Whose picture?

[Dorothy Lamour]

A photograph that he had sent his loving letters in my pocket. How I adore this handsome gem.

[W.C. Fields]

Is she singing or song?

[Dorothy Lamour]

And there was I to meet him where the swans are on the lake.

[W.C. Fields]

I've got a great swan story to tell you down when she gets through with this crash.

[Don Ameche]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, Bill. Now, go on, Ms. Pitts. He'd know me by.

[Dorothy Lamour]

He'd know me. He'd know me by A parasol, a.

[W.C. Fields]

Blaze, Pirates all up late. That's funny. They're out of style. They went out with the lace pantaloons.

[Dorothy Lamour]

When suddenly a cabby stopped.

[W.C. Fields]

You mean chauffeur?

[Dorothy Lamour]

Oh, dear, I'm afraid the song will be spoiled.

[W.C. Fields]

If you don't want to spoil it, what are you singing it for?

[Dorothy Lamour]

My heart began to quake. And there we stood at last face to face.

[W.C. Fields]

Imagine him looking into her face and her looking into his face. I bet it was a Standoff. This is paradox.

[Dorothy Lamour]

All he said was 23 skidoo.

[W.C. Fields]

My kingdom for a giant Roman candle.

[Dorothy Lamour]

I said that to me there was I expecting I love you. But he said 23 skidoo.

[Don Ameche]

Say, that's cute, Bill, isn't it?

[W.C. Fields]

Don't consult me. I might be prejudiced.

[Dorothy Lamour]

Underneath my office feather hat.

[W.C. Fields]

Rather unfortunately, if you aren't underneath the.

[Bob Armbruster]

Ostrich underneath, this is impossible to follow. Mr. Amici.

[Don Ameche]

Why, what's the trouble, Bob?

[Bob Armbruster]

Either Mr. Field stop spouting or Mr. Pitt stops screeching or I stopped playing.

[W.C. Fields]

Stop playing. She might quit too. Who is that Eskimo?

[Don Ameche]

Why, that. Bill, that's our maestro at the piano, Bob Armbruster.

[W.C. Fields]

Oh, yes. Hi, Bob. I remember when he used to play an organ.

[Bob Armbruster]

Yeah, you.

[W.C. Fields]

You said it. Whatever became of the monkey? Well, if.

[Bob Armbruster]

If you want to come back, just say the word.

[W.C. Fields]

I'll have to nothing for that one. I'm glad they didn't hear it.

[Dorothy Lamour]

All right now, Ms. Fifth, my beaver moth.

[W.C. Fields]

Beaver moth. Reminds me of my poor old grandmother. She used to be the bearded lady in the circus. The Anarasla. They called her Grandma.

[Dorothy Lamour]

Dean, I have saved for weeks to buy the new. But he said 23 SK.

[W.C. Fields]

He wanted you to stand to take.

[Dorothy Lamour]

It on the lamp.

[W.C. Fields]

Will you please go in? Fish flag, 23 SKO. Thank you.

[Don Ameche]

And thank you very much, WC Field. Remember, the next time you're uncomfortably warm, you'll be very glad to know these facts about iced coffee.

[Unknown Announcer]

If you want iced coffee to be more delicious and more refreshing, be sure the melting ice doesn't thin out the flavor and make it weak and watery. You can easily avoid that if you do two simple things. Make your coffee a little stronger than usual. And be sure to use the blend that gives you the extra rich flavor you need. Chase and Sanborn Coffee Coffee. This superb blend of the world's choice coffees always comes to you at its very best. For our dating plan and rapid delivery system guarantee freshness and full flavor every time. This system also makes expensive containers needless. Instead, we pack this marvelous blend in the economical dated bag and use the saving to give you finer coffee at a lower price. Try this rich, satisfying blend. It's delicious. Either hot or buy a pound of Chase and Sanborn dated coffee from your grocer tomorrow.

[Don Ameche]

A short time ago, Hoagie Carmichael told us how he was inspired to write his songs. But here's another brand new one written with Stanley Adams, which was inspired by a very dear and close friend, an old felt hat and written Especially for us. So here we go. I love you like my old felt hat oh, it's plain to see that you comfort me I love you like I love my pipe and Mackie took a look at you and my heart went wacky Think of how a V loves buzz and a hungry fly loves an apple pie I love you, baby, just like that Like a horse in the stable loves his oat and a tammany hauler loves to vote but if you're not impressed with that I love you like my old self I tip my hat to you Dorothy, it's your turn.

[Dorothy Lamour]

I love you like my old chapeau oh, it's plain to see that you comfort me I love you like I love my puff and powder Took a look at you and my heart beats louder Think of how a cow loves Moo and of Crosby who loves I love you, baby, just like that Like a lone little shepherd loves his sheep and the guy in the center loves to sleep I think it's mighty time you know I love you like my old chapel.

[Don Ameche]

Well, it's your hat, Hoagie. Go on, put it on. Don't kick the hat, Charlie. There may be a brick under it.

[Charlie McCarthy]

I love you like my silk hand oh, it's clean too. Sleep, you're the top to me I love you like I love to tease a mechi Took a look at you and I yelled cheesy chee Just like Willie Fields loves fight and a taxi cab loves passing light I love your daddy just like that Like a lonely old miser loves his doll Like a bald headed bachelor loves the front row but if you're not impressed with them I'll never tell another L.

[Don Ameche]

I love you like my old felt hat oh, it's plain to see that you comfort.

[Dorothy Lamour]

Me I love you like I love my puppet powder Took a look at you and my heart beat louder Think.

[Don Ameche]

Of how a bee loves bugs and a hungry fly loves an apple pie.

[Dorothy Lamour]

I love you, baby, just like that Like a lone little shepherd loves his sheep and the guy in the Senate.

[Don Ameche]

Loves to sleep but if you're not impressed with that I love you like the old felt her. Well, there always must be an Oriwa. And I'm saying it now for our guests, Zezu Pitts and Hoagie Carmichael. And for our regular company, W.C. field, Edgar Vergin and Charlie McCarthy, Dorothy Lamour and Robert Armbruster. Next Sunday we shall have as our special guests Gladys George and Ray Middleton. And we'll all be looking forward to meeting you again. So until next Sunday at the same time. This is yours sincerely, Don Amici saying Holy watch.

[Dorothy Lamour]

Sam.

[Unknown Announcer]

Heard on this program were I Hummer Waltz from this Is My Affair and the big show from Jerome Kearns. Head Over Heels. The makers of Jason Sanborn Coffee, a blend of the world's choice coffees, will bring you next week. Gladys George, Dorothy Lamour, W.C. fields, Edgar Bergen and Charlie McCarthy, Ray Middleton, Robert Armbruster and the Chase and Sanborn Orchestra and Don Amici. This is the Red Network of the National Broadcasting Company.

[Unknown Teen Advocate]

Use of flavored tobacco by teens is a crisis Tobacco companies use flavors like cotton candy, watermelon ice and cool mint to hook kids like me. They seem harmless, but they aren't. Addiction to nicotine sets us up for a lifetime of health problems. Oregon legislators can do something about it. Passing Senate Bill 702A will keep flavored tobacco away from kids. But there are just a few short weeks left for lawmakers to act. Take action to protect kids like me@ flavorshookorgonkids.org paid for by the Campaign for Tobacco Free Kids Action Fund.

[Don Ameche]

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