Club Car Special 34-xx-xx -02- Cartoon - Court Room Scene

Summary

Podcast Summary: Harold's Old Time Radio – Club Car Special 34-xx-xx -02- Cartoon - Court Room Scene

Release Date: June 3, 2025
Host: Harold's Old Time Radio

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Introduction to the Club Car Special

In this episode of Harold's Old Time Radio, host Harry takes listeners on a nostalgic journey back to the Golden Age of Radio. The episode, titled "Club Car Special 34-xx-xx -02- Cartoon - Court Room Scene," offers a blend of humor, insightful discussions, and dramatizations inspired by classic radio shows and newspaper cartoons featured in the Hearst papers.

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Exploring the Courtroom Cartoon

[00:28] Harry introduces the episode by highlighting the popular "March of Events and City Life" newspaper section, known for its wit and humor from America's leading laugh provokers like Will Rogers and Damon Runyon. He sets the stage for the day's feature: a cartoon depicting a humorous courtroom scene.

Key Scene Breakdown:

• A beautiful girl testifies in the witness box.
• The judge shows keen interest, and the prosecuting attorney raises an object.
• Harry narrates the ensuing courtroom comedy, emphasizing the humorous banter between the characters.

Notable Quote:

• Harry ([01:30]): "I object, your honor, to the unfair influence which the witness is bringing to bear upon the court."
  (00:30)

The scene humorously critiques courtroom formalities and societal norms, setting a lighthearted tone for the episode.

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Odd McIntyre and Reflections on Age

[02:10] Transitioning from cartoons, Harry introduces Odd McIntyre, a beloved American writer known for his philosophical takes on life's big and small moments. Billy Murray, a dedicated follower, shares McIntyre's recent insights on reaching the age of 40.

Billy Murray's Highlights:

• Life's Ten-Year Mark: McIntyre posits that at 40, individuals recognize they have a decade to make a significant impact before their efforts are overshadowed by future developments.

• Crystallization of Character: "If you are honest at 40, you will likely remain honest the rest of your days."
  (03:04)

• Value of Wisdom: McIntyre suggests that the most sensible philosophies are often derived from those over 60, challenging the tendency to dismiss older generations as "old fogies."

• Advice for the Golden Years: He emphasizes preparation for one's 40s to 60s as the "golden years," warning, "If you haven't prepared for the golden years ahead, do so at once, or heaven help you, no one else will."
  (03:54)

Notable Quote:

• Billy Murray ([03:04]): "At 40, the most interesting part of your life is before you."
  (03:04)

McIntyre's blend of sober philosophy and whimsical humor provides listeners with both reflection and amusement.

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Damon Runyon’s Detective Adventure

[04:51] Harry segues into a dramatization of Damon Runyon's thrilling mystery stories featuring operative T99 of the Eagle Orb Detective Agency. The episode recounts an adventure set in the opulent home of Mrs. HDGB Hackabee, who seeks T99's help to solve a peculiar case involving her dog, Puggle Wuggle.

Dramatized Highlights:

• Mrs. Hackabee’s Concern: She is distressed by Puggle Wuggle's emaciated state despite his hearty appetite.
  (05:16)

• Suspicion Falls on the Butler: Initially, suspicion is cast on Jarvis, the butler, who appears innocent and dedicated.
  (05:40)

• The Plot Twist: It is revealed that Mrs. Hackabee's husband, Mr. HDGP Hackabee, is secretly feeding their dog liverwurst and sauerkraut, leading to humorous confrontations and the ultimate solution of the mystery.
  (07:18)

Notable Quote:

• Mrs. Hackabee ([07:26]): "Stop eating Puggle Wuggles liverwurst and sauerkraut and answer me."
  (07:20)

This segment showcases Runyon's signature blend of humor and intrigue, providing a delightful narrative that captivates listeners.

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Arthur Bug's "What a Man"

[08:17] The podcast then shifts focus to Arthur Bug's creation, "What a Man," a character gaining popularity in the Hearst Sunday newspapers. Charlie Kanter shares his firsthand experiences witnessing "What a Man" in action during a Roughtown College football game.

Highlights from Charlie Kanter:

• Unexpected Athlete: "The day what A arrived at Roughtown College, he went out to the football field just for the walk. The boys were having a little scrimmage and when WADA saw 22 of them all in one pile, he thought they were trying to catch a turtle. So he dove right in."
  (08:37)

• The First Lateral Touchdown: Charlie describes a memorable moment where "What a Man" scored the first lateral touchdown in history, dodging interference and creating a spectacle.
  (09:00)

• Humorous Take on College Life: He humorously critiques Roughtown College's emphasis on athletics over academics, noting, "At Roughtown College they don't hand out diplomas, Harry. No, indeedy. The boys spend so much time in the hospital, they give them a fever chart when they graduate."
  (09:50)

Notable Quote:

• Charlie Kanter ([08:37]): "What a Man is quite a character... no, no, Watter man did not make the All American team this year. But he did make the wrong goal."
  (08:37)

Arthur Bug's portrayal of "What a Man" serves as a humorous reflection on college sports and the eccentricities of student life.

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Will Rogers and Hal Roach's 20th Anniversary Party

[10:38] Harry introduces a segment inspired by Will Rogers's article recounting a 20th-anniversary party for Hal Roach, the renowned comedy producer. The dramatization features a playful interaction between the Judge and Joe Mooch, the director, highlighting the behind-the-scenes antics of early filmmaking.

Dramatized Highlights:

• Halloween Guest Appearance: The Judge humorously portrays himself as an unexpected party guest named Halloween, engaging in small talk about acting and smoking.
  (11:05)

• Casting Comedy: Joe Mooch assigns the Judge a role as a cowboy despite his admission, "I can't ride," leading to a series of comedic mishaps as the Judge attempts to fulfill the role.
  (11:54)

• Climactic Horse Scene: The segment culminates in a chaotic attempt to film the Judge riding a horse down a cliff, emphasizing the humorous challenges of early film production.
  (12:37)

Notable Quote:

• Joe Mooch ([11:15]): "All right, you. Now get it. You have to climb on this horse when I yell, camera Hexen."
  (12:01)

This lighthearted dramatization pays homage to the pioneering days of comedy in film, underscoring the timeless nature of humor in entertainment.

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Conclusion

[13:12] As the episode wraps up, Harry reflects on the delightful blend of humor and storytelling provided by America's leading humorists featured throughout the program. He encourages listeners to engage with the "March of Events and City Life" sections in their local Hearst newspapers to continue enjoying these comedic masterpieces.

Closing Remarks:

• Harry: "You've been enjoying the fun and nonsense of America's leading humorists... Once you make their acquaintance, you'll be inviting them into your home through the newspaper and on the radio every week."
  (13:41)

The episode concludes with a nostalgic invitation to continue celebrating the rich legacy of classic American humor through both print and radio mediums.

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Notable Quotes Overview

1. Harry ([01:30]): "I object, your honor, to the unfair influence which the witness is bringing to bear upon the court."
   (00:30)

2. Billy Murray ([03:04]): "If you are honest at 40, you will likely remain honest the rest of your days."
   (03:04)

3. Mrs. Hackabee ([07:26]): "Stop eating Puggle Wuggles liverwurst and sauerkraut and answer me."
   (07:20)

4. Charlie Kanter ([08:37]): "What a Man is quite a character... no, no, Watter man did not make the All American team this year. But he did make the wrong goal."
   (08:37)

5. Joe Mooch ([11:15]): "All right, you. Now get it. You have to climb on this horse when I yell, camera Hexen."
   (12:01)

These quotes encapsulate the humor and insightful commentary that define the episode's rich content.

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Episode Highlights:

• Humorous exploration of classic courtroom cartoons.
• Philosophical and comedic insights on aging by Odd McIntyre.
• Thrilling and witty dramatization of Damon Runyon's detective stories.
• Entertaining portrayal of Arthur Bug's "What a Man" and college sports satire.
• Nostalgic dramatization of Will Rogers and Hal Roach's filmmaking antics.

Final Note: This episode of Club Car Special is a heartfelt homage to the timeless humor and storytelling that defined the Golden Age of Radio, offering both laughter and thoughtful reflections for its listeners.

Transcript

[Announcer]

All boat from car.

[Harry]

Again we step on board the club car special, sink into a comfortable chair and open our newspaper to the march of events and city life section. A section of wit and humor appearing in the Hearst papers throughout the country. Its features are written by America's leading laugh provokers. Will Rogers, Arthur Bug Fair Oo McIntyre, George Ades, Sam Hellman, Milt Gross, Damon Runyon and many others. So let's be on our way to a million dollars worth of mirth and merriment. Well, before we go any further, let's see what this cartoon is all about. Well, it seems to be a scene in a courtroom and a beautiful girl is in the witness box. The judge is bending eagerly forward and the prosecuting attorney is excitedly objecting to something or other. This all looks very, very interest.

[Judge]

Silence in the court.

[Harry]

But, your honor, I object.

[Judge]

And what do you object to?

[Harry]

I object, your honor, to the unfair influence which the witness is bringing to bear upon the court.

[Judge]

What unfair influence is the witness bringing to bear upon the court?

[Harry]

If it please the court, her skirts are too high and her legs are crossed. And if it please the court, we'll say it pleases the court.

[Announcer]

All bought club car Special next stop. O o McIntyre. All Mo.

[Harry]

McIntyre's friends know him as Odd McIntyre, but the whole world knows him as one who provides glimpses of the great and the near great and is a writer who philosophizes on the big and the little things of life. No writer in America has more friends than Macintyre. He has millions of followers scattered in all states, and one of his most loyal adherents is Billy Murray. Billy, will you tell us what Macintyre has had to say lately?

[Billy Murray]

Macintyre became somewhat philosophical the other day and dashed off some pearls of wisdom apropos of thoughts that come to one at the age of 40. Listen to the way Macintyre puts it. He says, At 40, the sensible man realizes, if he has not already succeeded, that he has but 10 years to make a mark if it is not to be washed out by the next tide. At 40, it is difficult to mend habits. You will regret many things at 40, but it is the age when most sturdy characters crystallize. If you are honest at 40, you will likely remain honest the rest of your days.

[Harry]

Well, he's certainly right about that, Billy. I'll check him there. Anything more?

[Billy Murray]

Yes. MacIntyre says at 40 you will realize that the sanest philosophy comes from men past 60, men you regarded as old fogies 10 years ago. Oh, and then Macintyre gives Those who have reached the 40 mark. A bit of sober optimism. For instance, he says that at 40, the most interesting part of your life is before you. Although it is the briefest cycle, it is probable that your life is more than half over. But you will find between 40 and 60 the golden years, especially if you have prepared for them. Oh, listen to this. Here's a hard jolt. Macintyre finishes by saying that if you haven't prepared for the golden years ahead, do so at once, or heaven help you, no one else will. It wouldn't be typical of Macintyre if he didn't give you a few pertinent facts about famous persons. He says Marie Dressler saw Three Little Pigs eight times. JP Morgan always keeps his name off passenger lists. Ben Burney is Cincinnati's radio favorite. King George always carries indigestion tablets in his pocket. And Primo Canera, following his breach of promise shakedowns, is now girl shy. Yes, Harry, for sober philosophy, whimsical humor and up to the minute gossip, you can't beat Odd McIntyre. I wouldn't miss him for anything.

[Announcer]

All boat club call specials. Next stop, Damon Runyon. All boat.

[Harry]

Damon Runyon has created a wide following for his thrilling mystery stories revolving about the adventures of operative T99 of the Eagle Orb Detective Agency. Now, the adventure we are about to dramatize for you begins in the palatial home of Mrs. HDGB Hackabee, who has summoned operative T99 to clear up a very baffling situation.

[Judge]

What seems to be the trouble, Mrs. HDGB Hackabee?

[Mrs. HDGB Hackabee]

Oh, I'm simply worried to death. Just look at Puggle Wuggle.

[Judge]

Who is Puggle Woggles?

[Mrs. HDGB Hackabee]

This is Poggle Woggles. Speak to the man. Puggle Wuggle. Oh, he's just wasting away to skin and bone.

[Judge]

Won't he eat? How's his appetite?

[Mrs. HDGB Hackabee]

His appetite is perfectly enormous. Eats a big heaping plate of liverwurst and sauerkraut every day.

[Judge]

Most extraordinary. Most extraordinary. Could it be that any of your servants have a grudge against the little dog? Perhaps someone is giving him slow poison.

[Mrs. HDGB Hackabee]

Oh, no, that couldn't be. Puggle Wuggles is under the personal care of Jarvis, the butler. Jarvis is entirely above suspicion.

[Jarvis]

I beg your pardon, madam.

[Mrs. HDGB Hackabee]

That's Jarvis now.

[Jarvis]

I just brought Puggle Wuggles dinner, madam. Liverwurst and sauerkraut.

[Mrs. HDGB Hackabee]

Thank you, Jarvis. You may just eat.

[Judge]

Where does Puggle Wuggles usually eat his dinner?

[Mrs. HDGB Hackabee]

He never eats anywhere but in the sun room. That's right next to my husband's room, Mr. HDGP Hackabee is somewhat of an invalid. He's been confined to his room for mun.

[Judge]

I see. Do you mind if I go along while pirates Puggle Wuggles is fed?

[Mrs. HDGB Hackabee]

Oh, not at all. He may give me the liverwurst and sauerkraut. Jarvis, now that'll be all.

[Jarvis]

Thank you, ma' am.

[Mrs. HDGB Hackabee]

Now just follow me this way. Here we are. Mother will put Puggle Wubbles on his big silk pillow and give him his din dinner.

[Judge]

He seems hungry. All right now, Mrs. HDGB Hackabee, do you mind stepping back here with me behind this curtain?

[Mrs. HDGB Hackabee]

Why, no, not at all.

[Judge]

Now we'll both be very quiet. I want to watch Puggle Wuggles eat his dinner. Keep back of the curtain. We must be completely hidden. Now help me. Watch closely.

[Mrs. HDGB Hackabee]

Look.

[Judge]

An arm reaching through that door.

[Mrs. HDGB Hackabee]

It's reaching for Puggle Wuggles. Liverwurst and sauerkraut.

[Judge]

It's taking it away. Hey, you. Stick him up. Come out of that room.

[Mrs. HDGB Hackabee]

Who could it be?

[Judge]

Come on now. Come out of that room.

[Mrs. HDGB Hackabee]

Oh, it's my husband.

[Judge]

Your husband?

[Mrs. HDGB Hackabee]

Henry, what does this mean?

[Billy Murray]

Oh, you caught me, did you?

[Mrs. HDGB Hackabee]

Henry, what on earth? Stop eating Puggle Wuggles liverwish and sauerkraut and answer me.

[Judge]

Just a moment, Mrs. HDGB Heckabee. Ah, I thought so. Very good.

[Mrs. HDGB Hackabee]

What is it?

[Judge]

What do you usually feed your husband?

[Mrs. HDGB Hackabee]

My husband?

[Judge]

Yes.

[Mrs. HDGB Hackabee]

Artichokes, broccoli, chicken broth, custard.

[Judge]

I thought so.

[Mrs. HDGB Hackabee]

But what does that have to do with little Puggle Wuggle?

[Judge]

It means that if you don't want Puggle Wuggles to starve to death, you'd better give Mr. HDGB Hackabee some of this very excellent liverwurst and sauerkraut now and then.

[Announcer]

All aboard. Club car special. Next stop, Arthur Bug's bar. All aboard.

[Harry]

Thousands of readers of the Hearst Sunday newspapers are following the career of a big, lanky guy named what A Man. What a Man is the brainchild of Arthur Bugs Bear. What a goes to a college called Roughtown. And last season he was very active on the football team. Oh, very active indeed. But wait. I think Charlie Kanter saw the final game of that Roughtown schedule. How about it, Charlie? Am I right?

[Jarvis]

I was there, Harry. In the flesh.

[Harry]

Well, then come on up here and give us some of this firsthand information on what a Man.

[Jarvis]

This guy, what A Man is quite a character. You see, the day what A arrived at Roughtown College, he went out to the football field just for the walk. The boys were having a little scrimmage and when WADA saw 22 of them all in one pile, he thought they were trying to catch a turtle. So he dove right in. Well, before the boys got unscrambled, Watta man was unanimously elected to the team. Wada says he just started at the bottom and worked his way up. But about that final game, Harry, I saw what a man make. The first lateral touchdown in history. He slid along the 50 yard line, Greenwich time under the Rough Town bench and out the freight entrance of the mayor's box. And without interference. No, no, Watter man did not make the All American team this year. But he did make the wrong goal. Five fumbles and a hospital cot all in one day. Incidentally, Harry, Roughtown won that game 87 to nothing. It was just an old time ear grabbers holiday. Right. Then they started putting trailers on ambulances. You know, out at Roughtown College they don't hand out diplomas, Harry. No, indeedy. The boys spend so much time in the hospital, they give them a fever chart when they graduate. Dear old Roughtown. And if you don't think they can give it as well as take it, listen to this. Next year, Roughtown plays Army in Notre Dame at the same time. Army will defend the north goal, Notre Dame will defend the south goal. And Roughtown. Roughtown will start in the middle and work both ways.

[Announcer]

All aboard. Will Rogers, next stop all at BO.

[Harry]

As he says himself, all Will Rogers knows is just what he reads in the papers or what he runs into here and there. And in one of his articles, he told of a party given by Hal Roach, the man who produces those very fine comedies. The occasion was the 20th anniversary of Mr. Roach's entry into pictures. Roger says the casting directors of the old silent movies went at things a little differently than they do today. And according to Will's article, Hal roach's initiation of 20 years ago might have been something like this.

[Billy Murray]

Why, hello, Halloween. You in this picture?

[Judge]

Me? No. Just thought I'd drop around, see what's doing. You working on this lot?

[Billy Murray]

I don't know yet. Have a cigarette?

[Judge]

No, thanks. I always roll my own.

[Billy Murray]

Oh, that's right. I see you got the makings handy.

[Judge]

Yeah, Always carry it right here in my shirt pocket with a little tag hanging out so I can get at it easy.

[Billy Murray]

I never could learn to roll them. Oh, say, here comes Joe Mooch. Who's Joe Mooch? The director. Oh, here's where I hit for some work. Good morning, Mr. Mooch. Anything for me in this picture today?

[Joe Mooch]

No, but say, I can use your friend There.

[Judge]

Who, me?

[Joe Mooch]

Yeah, you with that tobacco sack in your pocket. Now, listen, I want you to do a cowboy. All you got to do is to ride a horse down a cliff. Now, wait for me right over there by the camera.

[Judge]

But say, wait a minute.

[Joe Mooch]

I'll be right with you.

[Billy Murray]

Say, Hal, when did you learn to ride a horse?

[Judge]

I can't ride.

[Billy Murray]

And yet Mooch picks you for the job.

[Judge]

Gee, I can't imagine why. Maybe I better tell him I can't ride when he comes back.

[Joe Mooch]

All right, you. Now get it. You have to climb on this horse when I yell, camera Hexen. And when I ride. And then you ride down the side of the hill. You got it?

[Judge]

Yeah, but listen.

[Joe Mooch]

But nothing. That's all you've got to do. All ready, boys?

[Announcer]

All set, Mr.

[Judge]

Moon.

[Joe Mooch]

All right, get set. You know, then camera Hexen. Come on. Come on, cowboy. Come on, get started. Faster. You faster. Run to the horse. Now. Climb up on him. No, no, come around and get on.

[Announcer]

Him from this side. The camera is on this side.

[Joe Mooch]

Please remember, we're taking pictures of you, not the horse.

[Announcer]

Hey.

[Joe Mooch]

Hey, you. What are you gonna do, dance with him?

[Announcer]

Get on the horse. No, no, you're gonna ride with that horse, not wrestle with him. Come out from underneath him. And listen, cowboy, smile. Smile, will you? You like this horse? He is your horse.

[Joe Mooch]

Your pale.

[Announcer]

You got it. You're the best of friends. I stop acting so scared from your face. People would think it was the first time that you ever rode a horse. Well, it is, huh? What's that? Cut. Cut. Stop grinding, boys.

[Joe Mooch]

Hey, come here, you.

[Judge]

Yes, sir.

[Joe Mooch]

Ain't you a real cowboy?

[Judge]

Me? Why, no.

[Joe Mooch]

Why do you wear a tobeca stick in your shirt pocket if you're not the cowboy?

[Harry]

The Club Car Special has made its last stop on this program. You've been enjoying the fun and nonsense of America's leading humorists. Will Rogers, Odd McIntyre, George Abe, Bugs Bear, Damon Runyon and others. This program was based upon their writings and on the cartoons that appear in the March of Events and City Life section of the Hearst Sunday newspapers. Buy a copy of the Hearst newspaper in your community next Sunday. Read and laugh at these articles written by the nation's leading writers of comedy. Once you make their acquaintance, you'll be inviting them into your home through the newspaper and on the radio every week. Be sure to meet the Club Car Special when it makes the next trip on the air a week from today, same station, same time.