Club Car Special 34-xx-xx -03- Cartoon - Fire Department

Summary

Podcast Summary: Harold's Old Time Radio – "Club Car Special 34-xx-xx -03- Cartoon - Fire Department"

Release Date: July 6, 2025
Host: Harold's Old Time Radio

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1. Introduction to Club Car Special Series

Timestamp: [00:28]

In the opening segment, Harry McIntyre introduces the third installment of the "Club Car Special" series. This series presents radio dramatizations based on the "March of Events and City Life" sections from the Hearst Sunday newspapers across the United States. Highlighting contributions from renowned humorists such as Will Rogers, Arthur Bug Thayer, O.O. McIntyre, George Ade, and others, McIntyre invites listeners to "climb on board the Club Car Special, settle down in the big easy chair and watch the world go by with a great big laugh."

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2. Cartoon Segment: The Fire Department

Timestamps: [00:28] - [02:11]

The episode kicks off with a lively dramatization of a snappy cartoon depicting a municipal fire company. The scene features an irate fire chief angrily addressing his firefighters:

• Will Rogers (as the Fire Chief) exclaims at [01:32]:
  "Now look, you bozos, what is this, a fire department or an old lady's home? Are you guardians of the public safety? Are you just a lot of stuffed church? Answer me that."

• Billy Murray (as a Firefighter) responds at [01:54]:
  "We rescued all them elephants when the circus burned down, didn't we?"

• Will Rogers retorts at [01:58]:
  "I don't care if you saved all the elephants in Africa."

The humor continues as McIntyre interjects questions at [02:00], highlighting the chief's frustration with his team's priorities. The exchange satirizes inefficiency and misplaced efforts within public services, embodying the typical wit of the featured humorists.

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3. Discussion on O.O. McIntyre's Columns

Timestamps: [02:49] - [04:45]

Transitioning from the cartoon, Harry McIntyre delves into O.O. McIntyre's enduring popularity during the Depression era. Emphasizing McIntyre's unwavering loyalty from his readers, McIntyre remarks:

"During the late but not lamented depression, everybody had to forsake some of the things they previously enjoyed. But the people of the nation did not deprive themselves of their McIntyre man. That's loyalty for you." [02:49]

George Ade joins the conversation, highlighting McIntyre's affinity for dogs by referencing a humorous tribute penned by Jerome K. Jerome:

"A dog never makes it his business to inquire whether you are in the right or in the wrong... Foolish, brainless, soulless dog." [03:14]

Ade further underscores McIntyre's observational humor with anecdotes about Park Avenue drugstores and reflections on Queen Victoria's burial preferences, blending historical references with comedic insights.

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4. Will Rogers' Skit: Preventing Wars Through Domestic Life

Timestamps: [06:00] - [08:07]

Will Rogers takes center stage in a humorous skit addressing the futility of preventing wars by targeting domestic behaviors:

At [06:31], Rogers sets the scene:
"Will figures that behind every war there's a man, and behind every man there's a woman."

The dialogue portrays a beleaguered prime minister dealing with his domineering wife:

• Billy Murray (as the wife) challenges Rogers at [07:11]:
  "Now pay for your own telephone calls. That's the most ridiculous thing I ever heard of. What kind of a government are you working for anyway?"

• Will Rogers responds humorously at [07:24]:
  "I declared war on Dipsomania this morning."

The exchange showcases Rogers' ability to blend political satire with relatable domestic humor, ultimately culminating in a playful resolution where Rogers vows to "call the war off" [08:07].

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5. George Ade's Narrative: Indiana Banks and Community Insights

Timestamps: [08:45] - [10:19]

Harry McIntyre transitions to George Ade, who shares a satirical account of a discussion among Indiana neighbors about local bank closures:

Ade narrates how Luke Simpkins suggests,
"the only way to keep the banks going in small towns around here was to elect directors who hadn't any friends or relatives." [09:15]

He humorously contrasts the qualifications of country bankers with those of aviators, weaving in anecdotes from a Southern stag party where discussions about banks lead to a comical proposal to sing a "Hoosier lullaby" on the now-bankless Wabash River.

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6. Arthur Bug Thayer's Segment: Madison Square Garden Brawl

Timestamps: [10:42] - [12:53]

Harry McIntyre introduces Arthur Bug Thayer, renowned for his sharp wit on various societal topics. Thayer narrates a chaotic boxing match at Madison Square Garden featuring Turtleneck Newman, a fighter with a dubious reputation:

• Will Rogers commentates the escalating tension:
  "What a man's manager has pulled him plenty fast one, folks. But he'll never get his boy out of this hole." [11:25]

As the fight progresses, Rogers and McIntyre depict Newman entering the second round wearing handcuffs, leading to confusion and accusations of cheating:

• Harry McIntyre questions at [12:38]:
  "What's the idea of sending your boy into the ring wearing handcuffs? This another one of your frame ups?"

• Will Rogers quips at [12:53]:
  "Say, Mr. Referee, how you talk. I wear them all the time. They're only slave bracelets."

The segment satirizes corruption and absurdity in sports management, showcasing Thayer's talent for highlighting societal flaws through humor.

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7. Conclusion and Wrap-Up

Timestamps: [13:21] - [14:33]

Harry McIntyre wraps up the episode by reiterating the value of the "Club Car Special" series, emphasizing the rich content derived from the "March of Events and City Life" sections of Hearst newspapers. He highlights the contributions of esteemed humorists like O.O. McIntyre, Will Rogers, Bugs Bear, George Ade, Damon Runyon, Milt Gross, and Sam Hellman.

McIntyre encourages listeners to anticipate the next week's program, promising another 15 minutes of original comedy:

"The Club Car Special, a program built upon the articles of these foremost writers of comedy, will be ready to arrive at your home next week at this same time over the same station. Be sure to meet it and enjoy another 15 minutes of original comedy." [13:21]

The episode concludes with a humorous, albeit abrupt, sign-off by Billy Murray:
"Sam, it." [14:33]

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Notable Quotes:

• "Now look, you bozos, what is this, a fire department or an old lady's home?" – Will Rogers [01:32]
• "A dog never makes it his business to inquire whether you are in the right or in the wrong." – Jerome K. Jerome (referenced by O.O. McIntyre) [03:14]
• "I declared war on Dipsomania this morning." – Will Rogers [07:20]
• "They're only slave bracelets." – Will Rogers [12:53]

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Conclusion:

This episode of "Club Car Special" masterfully blends radio drama with insightful humor, drawing from classic cartoons and the wit of America's favorite humorists. Through engaging skits and sharp dialogues, listeners are treated to a nostalgic yet fresh take on societal observations, all while maintaining the charm of the Golden Age of Radio.

Transcript

[Will Rogers]

All Boat Club call Special All Boat.

[Harry McIntyre]

Today we offer the third program in a new series called the Club Car Special. It brings you a radio dramatization of the march of events and city life section of the Hearst Sunday newspapers throughout the country. In this section you will find the cartoons and writings of America's most popular humorists, Will Rogers, Arthur Bugs Bear, O.O. mcIntyre, George Ade and many others. Let's climb on board the Club Car Special, settle down in the big easy chair and watch the world go by with a great big laugh. The first thing we see as we turn to the march of events City life section of our Hearst newspaper is a snappy cartoon. Yes, it's a picture of a municipal fire company. The chief seems to be mad as hops. Anyway, he's doing a lot of hopping up and down. Gathered around him are a lot of smoke eaters standing flat footed while he gives them a piece of his mind.

[Will Rogers]

Now look, you bozos, what is this, a fire department or an old lady's home? Are you guardians of the public safety? Are you just a lot of stuffed church? Answer me that. Well, look, chief, didn't we put out all the fires? Okay, I don't care how many fires you put out. Hey, what do you think we saved the 14 Eliza this week of Chief, I don't care if you save Peggy Joyce and all her husband.

[Billy Murray]

We rescued all them elephants when the circus burned down, didn't we?

[Will Rogers]

I don't care if you saved all the elephants in Africa.

[Harry McIntyre]

Well, what's the matter, Chief? If you not care about the putting out the fires and the saving the lives and the rescuing elephants, so what do you care about, eh?

[Will Rogers]

I'll tell you what I care about. It's those newsreel fellas.

[Billy Murray]

Newsreel fellers?

[Will Rogers]

Yes, newsreel fellas. They've beaten us to free fire since last Tuesday. All aboard O Club car Special next stop. O o Macintosh. All aboard oo McIntyre has millions of followers everywhere.

[Harry McIntyre]

During the late but not lamented depression, everybody had to forsake some of the things they previously enjoyed. But the people of the nation did not deprive themselves of their McIntyre man. That's loyalty for you. Think of it. Millions of readers demanding their usual contact with this writer, no matter what else was happening to the rest of the world. Well, no one follows McIntyre more closely than does Billy Murray. And nobody likes to talk about McIntyre more than Billy Murray. So, Billy, how about it?

[George Ade]

Right with you, Harry. Well, Everybody knows how McIntyre likes dogs. Here is a quotation that odd printed in his column a few Sundays back. It's a tribute written by Jerome K. Jerome, and it says a dog never makes it his business to inquire whether you are in the right or in the wrong. Never bothers as to whether you're going up or down on life's ladder, never asks whether you're rich or poor, silly or wise, sinner or saint. You are his pal, that is enough for him, and come luck or misfortune, good repute or bad, honor or shame, he is going to stick to you, to comfort you, guard you, give you his life if need be. Foolish, brainless, soulless dog. McIntyre says that whenever he feels his enthusiasm for dogs is getting out of bounds, he always turns to this fear bit and reads it again. In another paragraph, MacIntyre tells us that Ken Hubbard was more right than we appreciated in some of the ruralistic philosophies he used to write. Here's one from way back in 1918, when Hubbard stated the best way to double one's money is to fold and put it back in the pocketbook. The other day, MacIntyre described one of Park Avenue's swankiest, most sedate drugstores. He said its windows have a plushy magnificence and they have on display perfume at $125 a bottle and toilet powder at $3 a shaker.

[Harry McIntyre]

Well, I suppose they charge a dollar a dozen for aspirin tablets, Billy, eh?

[George Ade]

I don't know about that, Harry, but they do make the clerks wear dinner jackets after sundown. Then McIntyre turns serious and unfolds one or two not very well known facts, and he says that Queen Victoria wanted no black mourning and was buried in white, believing death would reunite her with her beloved Albert. McIntyre says also that he believes 98% of all breach of promise suits are really nothing but blackmail. But here's a good one, McIntyre states. There's nothing so comic as a pedestrian trying to avert a funny posture when he falls on the icy sidewalk ahead of him. The other morning a man went into one of those Wil Mahoney side skitters and wound up with one knee on the ice and with his arms extended heavenward. And what do you think? A passing taxi driver yelled.

[Will Rogers]

All aboard. Club car special pit stop. Will Rogers. All aboard.

[Harry McIntyre]

In his column the other day, Will Rogers got off on the subject of wars and how to prevent them. With typical directness, he turned right to human nature for his solution. Will figures that behind every war there's a man, and behind every man there's a woman. He Paints a picture of a prime minister returning home from a hard day in the Cabinet. No sooner has the weary prime minister hung up his hat than the little woman pounces upon him.

[Billy Murray]

Oh, so you're home at last.

[Will Rogers]

Well, I was going to call you up, but the Chancellor of the Exchequer has put through a new ruling. We have to pay for all personal calls during business hours.

[Billy Murray]

Now pay for your own telephone calls. That's the most ridiculous thing I ever heard of. What kind of a government are you working for anyway? And you a prime minister. What is this country coming to? I wouldn't stand for it if I were you.

[Will Rogers]

Well, these days a job is a job.

[Billy Murray]

You're too easy going. That's what ails you. If I were in your place, I'd start looking for another position. I hear Dipsomania is looking for a dictator. And they're willing to pay practically anything for the right man.

[Will Rogers]

I heard that story, too, but I couldn't get a job with Dipsomania.

[Billy Murray]

I'd like to know why you couldn't.

[Will Rogers]

Well, for one thing, I just declared war on them this morning.

[Billy Murray]

You did war?

[Will Rogers]

I declared wall on Dipsomania this morning.

[Billy Murray]

Why have all the mean, selfish, inconsiderate things to do? You know how I hate wall.

[Will Rogers]

But you don't understand, dear. Now, please let me pay you off.

[Billy Murray]

You understand, don't I? I understand, Penny. You just want an excuse to go off on a lot of trips and leave me stuck here at home. Well, I won't have it, do you hear? You'll call this war off or I'll know the reason why.

[Will Rogers]

Oh, listen, sweetheart. Think of the position that would put me in.

[Billy Murray]

I don't care what position it puts you in. You've gotten away with plenty since we've been married. But you're not going to get away with this.

[Will Rogers]

Now, wait a minute, honey.

[Billy Murray]

Don't call me honey. I'm going right upstairs and pack my clothes and go home to.

[Will Rogers]

Wait. Wait. Don't do that.

[Billy Murray]

You try and stop me, I'll show you you can't declare walls to.

[Will Rogers]

Suit yourself, angel. Listen, I'll call the whole thing off. Honest I will. Cross my heart. I'll call the wall off the first thing in. Club called Fischer. Next stop, Georgie. All aboard.

[Harry McIntyre]

In the Hearst newspapers the other day, George Ade wrote about a little group of his Indiana neighbors who had gotten together and fell to discussing banks and bankers and how many of the local banks had to close up shop last November. Well, finally one old fellow named Luke Simpkins got warmed up to his subject and analyzed the situation. Something like this.

[George Ade]

Well, the way things was going last fall, I about come to the conclusion the only way to keep the banks going in small towns around here was to elect directors who hadn't any friends or relatives. The average country banker didn't seem any more qualified to protect depositors and use his head in loaning money than he did to be an aviator. I remember not so long ago I attended a big stag party down south. It was just at the time when a lot of them banks was popping off right in their depositors faces. There were a lot of us Hoosiers present and one fella full of sentiment, or maybe it was sediment. He got up and proposed we sing that good old Hoosier lullaby on the banks of the Wabash. Another member of the party, a fellow who'd been pretty badly hooked, got on his feet and said, I move we admit the singing of that song. I happen to know there ain't no banks left along the Wab.

[Will Rogers]

All aboard. Club car special. Next stop. Bug by Yasa. Mr. Bug by all aboard.

[Harry McIntyre]

Arthur Bug Thayer is recognized as one of the world's wittiest writers. His terse comments on science and politics, society or any other subject in the daily headlines are recognized as classics of modern humor. Today we're going to learn more about what a man. Bugbear's famous fighter and hero of over 1100 battles, all of them crooked. But no matter according to Bear, what a man is fighting Turtleneck Nubins today at Madison Square Garden. It's just about time for the bout to begin. A Porter Yasa.

[Will Rogers]

Mr. Harry Yasa.

[Harry McIntyre]

Will you cut that music on the radio and see if you can pick up the waterman Newman's fight at Madison Square Garden.

[Will Rogers]

On a man's down. 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9. What a man was saved by the bell, folks. Another second of Turtleneck Newmans would have been champion of the world by a knockout in the first round. Listen to that crowd. Turtleneck hasn't got a mark on him, folks. And what a man is out on his feet. It looks like curtains for him, folks. He'll never be able to go another round. What a man's manager has pulled him plenty fast one, folks. But he'll never get his boy out of this hole. It's all over, but they're shouting aha. There's the bill for the second round. There's something the matter up there in the ring, folks. But so many people have carted around. I can't see.

[Harry McIntyre]

Wait a minute.

[Will Rogers]

Hold everything. I'm gonna crawl through the crowd and see what it's all about. Hey, well, I'll be. Listen, I never saw anything like this.

[Harry McIntyre]

In all my life.

[Will Rogers]

Turtleneck came out for the second round wearing handcuffs. Come on now. Come on now.

[Harry McIntyre]

Everybody out of the ring. Stand back. Stand back. Everybody out of the ring here.

[Will Rogers]

Where's Turtleneck's manager?

[George Ade]

Right here, Rep.

[Will Rogers]

Right here.

[Harry McIntyre]

Well, what's the idea of sending your boy into the ring wearing handcuffs? This another one of your frame ups?

[George Ade]

I don't know nothing about it, ref. Ask him.

[Harry McIntyre]

Who?

[George Ade]

Him? Turtleneck.

[Will Rogers]

Hey, you, Turtleneck.

[Harry McIntyre]

What's this guy trying to pull? Who slipped the handcuffs on you?

[Will Rogers]

Say, Mr. Referee, how you talk. I wear them all the time. They're only slave bracelets.

[Harry McIntyre]

The Club Car Special has come to the end of another trip on the air. And while the journey has been brief, you will find a longer session of fun and nonsense by these same writers and others in the March of Events and City Life section of the Hearst Sunday newspapers. Think of it. Long articles, each chock full of laughs, written by the world's leading humorists. No other newspaper presents such a list of names. Oo McIntyre, Will Rogers, Bugs Bear, George A. Damon Runyon, Milt Gross, Sam Hellman and others. There are laugh provoking cartoons too. Keep up with the best humor of the day, just as millions of readers do each Sunday. The Club Car Special, a program built upon the articles of these foremost writers of comedy, will be ready to arrive at your home next week at this same time over the same station. Be sure to meet it and enjoy another 15 minutes of original comedy.

[Billy Murray]

Sam, it.