Club Car Special 34-xx-xx -08- Cartoon - Police Station

Summary

Podcast Summary: Harold's Old Time Radio - Club Car Special 34-08-xx -08- Cartoon - Police Station

Release Date: August 9, 2025
Host: Harold's Old Time Radio
Episode Title: Club Car Special 34-08-xx -08- Cartoon - Police Station

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Introduction to Club Car Special

[00:30] The episode kicks off with the charming voice of the Train Conductor announcing, "All aboard. Club Car Special. All aboard." This sets the stage for a nostalgic journey into the humorous antics of the Golden Age of Radio.

"March of Events and City Life" – An Overview

[01:06] The Narrator introduces listeners to the "March of Events and City Life" section from the Hearst Sunday newspapers. Highlighting contributions from renowned humorists like Will Rogers, Sam Hellman, Arthur Bugs, Bear, Oo McIntyre, and Milt Gross, the segment promises a blend of witty columns and sophisticated cartoons.

Police Station Cartoon Sketch

[01:54] The first dramatized cartoon depicts a humorous exchange at a big city police station:

• Patrolman: "Hey, Sarge, you know that new traffic cup we got?" (01:54)
• Sergeant: "Yeah. What's he done now?" (01:57)
• As the patrolman discusses a "big pinch" of 16 guys and hints at law enforcement quirks, humor ensues when it's revealed that the apprehended individuals are actually firemen.

Notable Quote:

• Sergeant: "Why, you must be crazy. Crazy? These men are firemen." (02:23)

This sketch satirizes police procedures and bureaucratic misunderstandings with a light-hearted twist.

The Match in Roughtown

[03:08] Transitioning to a new story, the Narrator introduces a tense situation in Roughtown, a fictional tough community:

• Brewster Wada contemplates fighting Bopperdale, the heavyweight champ.

Key Exchange:

• Brewster's Friend: "They think you're yellow for not fighting Papa Dale." (03:46)
• Brewster: "Ah, I ain’t got time to fight that mug. I’m busy." (03:48)

This section delves into themes of courage, reputation, and community expectations, culminating in Brewster's decision to confront Bopperdale after unexpected inspiration.

Notable Quote:

• Brewster: "I just seen him coming out of that lunchroom where I work at. Any guy that eats there is out on his feet already." (04:38)

Oo McIntyre's Broadway Insights

[05:31] The episode shifts focus to Oo McIntyre, the distinguished Broadway columnist:

• A scenario unfolds where a prominent lecturer misunderstands the topic of his Alaskan lecture, confusing "pygmies" with "penguins."

Humorous Dialogue:

• Lecturer: "I never saw any pygmies in Alaska." (06:26)
• Organizer: "Oh, but you must have. You know those cute little ducks that walk like Charlie Chaplin." (06:29)

This segment humorously highlights the pitfalls of miscommunication and the eccentricities of public speaking engagements.

Notable Quote:

• Organizer: "Well, maybe that's what they are. Anyhow. Penguins are pygmies. I think they're terribly cute." (06:36)

Will Rogers on Government and Gold

[08:01] Emulating Will Rogers' signature wit, the podcast presents a satirical take on government control of gold:

• A humorous exchange between a store proprietor and an old prospector, Lem, reveals concerns about gold being hoarded and government intervention turning it into counterfeit.

Key Dialogue:

• Lem: "Then long come Mr. Roosevelt and says all the gold belongs to government. And that just about turns that gold that everyone was hoarding into counterfeit." (09:03)
• Proprietor: "Yeah, maybe you're right, Lamb." (09:07)

This sketch cleverly critiques economic policies and public trust with Rogers' typical humor.

Notable Quote:

• Lem: "Any guy that eats there is out on his feet already." (04:38)

Joe Runt at the Neighborhood Pool Room

[10:15] Introducing Joe Runt, a beloved character by Milt Gross, the segment showcases Joe's lighthearted quest to find the freshest chicken for his boss:

• Joe engages in a playful raffle organized by Papo, the butcher shop owner, to win a live chicken.

Entertaining Interaction:

• Joe: "I can hardly wait till Papo gets back here with it." (13:04)
• Friend: "What do you mean, gets back with it? He didn't go for no chicken. He only went out to get some more chances." (13:09)

This storyline combines humor with everyday neighborhood dynamics, emphasizing Joe's good-natured persistence.

Notable Quote:

• Papo: "Fresh she's still a walking around." (11:30)

Conclusion and Upcoming Highlights

[13:42] The Narrator wraps up the episode by inviting listeners to explore the full "March of Events and City Life" section in the Hearst Sunday newspapers for more extended articles and cartoons. Additionally, listeners are teased with the announcement that the Club Car Special will return next week, promising another 15 minutes of delightful merriment.

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Key Takeaways:

• Humor Across Contexts: The episode masterfully blends various humor styles, from slapstick and situational comedy to satirical commentary on societal norms.

• Iconic Characters: Featuring beloved characters like Will Rogers and Joe Runt, the podcast pays homage to the timeless appeal of classic radio humor.

• Engaging Storytelling: Through dramatized sketches and lively dialogues, the episode captures the essence of family-friendly entertainment from the Golden Age of Radio.

Notable Quotes:

• "Any guy that eats there is out on his feet already." – Brewster Wada (04:38)
• "Penguins are pygmies. I think they're terribly cute." – Organizer (06:36)
• "Fresh she's still a walking around." – Papo (11:30)

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Tune in next week for another nostalgic trip down memory lane with Harold's Old Time Radio, where classic humor and timeless stories await!

Transcript

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[Train Conductor]

All aboard. Club Car Special. All aboard. All aboard.

[Narrator]

Again, we board the Club Car Special and sink into a comfortable chair and open our newspaper to the March of Events and City Life section, a section written by America's front rank humorist and which appears in all Hearst Sunday newspapers throughout the country. Here you will chuckle with such masters of mirth as Will Rogers, Sam Hellman, Arthur Bugs, Bear, Oo McIntyre, Milt Gross. And as an added feature, you will find smart, sophisticated cartoons drawn by the cream of America's humorous artists. What a section. Let's go. Now, just for a starter, here's a cartoon showing a scene in the big city police station. The sergeant is behind the desk and a patrolman has just entered breathlessly.

[Character 1]

Hey, Sarge, you know that new traffic cup we got?

[Character 2]

Yeah. What's he done now?

[Character 1]

Well, he just made a big pinch. 16 guys.

[Character 2]

It's about time he did something. What did he pick him up for?

[Character 1]

I don't know yet. He's unloading him from the wagon now. Wait, here he comes now.

[Character 3]

Come on, you fellas. Come on now. Stand up in front of the sergeant there. Hello, Sergeant. I brought you some prisoners.

[Character 2]

Say, what is this? What did you arrest these men for?

[Character 3]

Well, they was breaking the law.

[Character 2]

Why, you must be crazy. Crazy? These men are firemen.

[Character 3]

Yeah, I. I know, but they was riding on the great big truck.

[Character 4]

Yeah, and what of it?

[Character 3]

Well, you see, Sergeant, there was parking right in front of a fire plug.

[Train Conductor]

All aboard. Club Car Special. Next stop. Also bug by. All aboard.

[Narrator]

Not all the excitement in the Hearst Sunday newspapers is on the front page these days. Readers are turning with feverish interest to the March of Events and City Life section to find out about the match between what a Man and Boppardell. What a Man is the heavyweight champ of Roughtown, a tough little community created by Arthur Bugs, Bear. Wada can't make up his mind whether to fight Bopperdale or not. Maybe he'll come to some decision today, but we'll find him talking to Mayor Ruff.

[Character 1]

Hey, did you hear what the boys are saying down at the gas house. Juana.

[Character 2]

Now what are they saying?

[Character 1]

They think you're yellow for not fighting Papa Dale.

[Character 2]

Ah, I ain't got time to fight that mug. I'm busy.

[Character 1]

Well, he ain't no setup. And you better take them out pretty soon, or the gang will be giving you the Bronx cheer.

[Character 2]

Ah, I tell you, I ain't got no time to fight. I'm busy. I'm working. I got a job.

[Train Conductor]

Yeah?

[Character 1]

What are you doing?

[Character 2]

I signed up with that new lunchroom across the street.

[Character 1]

Are you washing fishes?

[Character 5]

No.

[Character 2]

They're using me as a lookout. And a dumb way to shave.

[Character 1]

How's the grub over there? I hear they give you all you can eat for 15 cents.

[Character 2]

You got it wrong. They don't give you all you can eat. They give you all you can stand.

[Character 1]

Yeah. Hey, where you going now?

[Character 2]

I'm going over to the drugstore for a sandwich. This is me lunch hour.

[Character 6]

Hmph.

[Character 1]

That's funny. Working in a lunchroom and going out for lunch. Won't they give you a sandwich in the house?

[Character 2]

They tried to, and I had to suck them.

[Character 7]

What's the matter?

[Character 1]

Ain't their stuff no good?

[Character 2]

It's terrible. They get their butter out of the grease boxes down at the freight yard. Yeah, and when the trains go by, they save the cinders to pepper the eggs. Hey.

[Character 4]

What?

[Character 2]

I was just thinking. I changed me mind about Papa Dell.

[Character 1]

You mean that you're gonna fight him?

[Character 2]

Sure, anytime.

[Character 7]

What made you change your mind?

[Character 2]

I just seen him coming out of that lunchroom where I work at.

[Character 1]

What difference does that make?

[Character 2]

Any guy that eats there is out on his feet already.

[Train Conductor]

All boat club car special. Next stop. Oo McIntyre. All bold.

[Narrator]

Oo McIntyre is the dean of Broadway columnists. His gleanings along the Great White Way have made this famous thoroughfare as well known to the natives of Arkansas as it is to the New Yorker. McIntyre's articles are an exclusive feature of all Hearst Sunday newspapers. Everywhere here is a typical sidelight on the life of a celebrity as seen by this popular columnist. He tells of a very prominent lecturer who was invited to talk before a local women's organization. We'll let you hear what took place just as the lecturer stepped on the platform and was greeted by the president of the organization.

[Character 6]

Oh, I think it was simply ducky of you to come. What is it you're going to lecture on?

[Character 3]

I think it was Alaska you wanted me to talk about, wasn't it?

[Character 6]

Oh, yes, yes. How stupid of me to forget. I hope you're going to Tell us all about those cute little pygmies they have up there.

[Character 3]

Pygmies? I never saw any pygmies in Alaska.

[Character 6]

Oh, but you must have. You know those cute little ducks that walk like Charlie Chaplin.

[Character 3]

You're thinking of penguins, aren't you?

[Character 6]

Well, maybe that's what they are. Anyhow. Penguins are pygmies. I think they're terribly cute. Oh dear. Oh look my dear, you've forgotten your watch, Jane.

[Character 3]

My watch chain? I don't own one. I carry a wristwatch.

[Character 6]

Well, I don't see how you're ever going to lecture without a watch, Jane. What? Will you twirl while you're talking?

[Character 3]

I think I can manage.

[Character 6]

Well, just as you say, my man. One thing I meant to ask you. Do you walk up and down very much? I mean when you lecture?

[Character 3]

Why, I may move around just a bit.

[Character 6]

Well, would you mind walking on the left side of the platform? You see, the right is getting a little worn.

[Character 3]

Well, I'll remember that.

[Character 6]

And now then, my man, I think everything is ready.

[Character 3]

If this isn't too much trouble, would you ask someone to bring me a pitcher of ice water?

[Character 6]

Ice water? Ice water. Did you want it for drinking?

[Character 3]

No, no, dear lady. I use it when I go into my high diving act.

[Train Conductor]

All boat club car special. Next up, Will Rogers. All BO.

[Narrator]

In the Hearst Sunday papers the other day, Will Rogers took up the subject of government control of gold. Will, as usual, had a lot to say. That was right to the point. We're going to dramatize for you one of the amusing sidelights he brought out. We begin with a scene in a general store out in the West. The proprietor is behind the counter and an old prospector is just coming in the door.

[Character 7]

Well, Lem, what can I do for you?

[Character 1]

Well, I'll take a couple of sacks of flour, Dave.

[Character 7]

Here you are, Lem.

[Character 1]

Thank you.

[Character 7]

What else can I get you?

[Character 1]

Well, might give me a side of that dried beef there and some salt and pepper.

[Character 7]

Must be going on a trip, ain't you, Lem?

[Character 1]

Well, just going to mosey around a bit. How are them pickaxes you got over there?

[Character 7]

Ain't had no complaints. Best pickaxes you can get.

[Character 1]

Well, give me one and I'll take a spade too.

[Character 7]

What are you up to, Lem? Sounds like the old days when you was prospectin for gold.

[Character 1]

Well, I sorta took a notion to try my hand at it again.

[Character 7]

Yeah? What do you expect to find, Lem? There ain't no gold in them there hills now.

[Character 1]

Well, I Ain't goin up in them there hills.

[Character 7]

Now where are you going?

[Character 1]

Well, it's like this. All the gold that used to be in them nar hills was dug up years ago.

[Character 7]

That's right.

[Character 1]

And that gold was turned into money and put in the bank.

[Character 7]

That's where it went.

[Character 1]

Then not so long ago, folks as got scared and took their gold out of the bank and buried it in the backyard.

[Character 7]

That's what they did.

[Character 1]

Then long come Mr. Roosevelt and says all the gold belongs to government. And that just about turns that gold that everyone was hoarding into counterfeit.

[Character 7]

Yeah, maybe you're right, Lamb.

[Character 1]

Yes, sir. And the folks that buried that gold are plumb scared to dig it up.

[Character 7]

Have you got some buried, Lem?

[Character 1]

No, sir. But I know where there are a lot of backyards.

[Train Conductor]

All boat club call special. Next stop, Milk Gro. All emboldened.

[Narrator]

Millions of readers of the Hearst Sunday newspapers are faithful followers of Joe Runt, a character created by the fertile brain of Milt Gross. Joe Runt is a likable little guy who thinks the sun rises and sets in his boss, Mr. Thorndike. Today we find Joe at his favorite haunt, the neighborhood pool room. He's talking to some of the boys.

[Character 4]

Hi, fellas. Hello, boys. How's ya? Say, I was just wondering if any of you boys know where I can get a nice fresh chicken?

[Character 5]

What's the matter with Oscar's Butcher Shop right down at the corner?

[Character 4]

Well, I was thinking of that, only I got to be sure. This chicken is awful fresh.

[Character 5]

What's the big idea? What you so particular about?

[Character 4]

Well, you say my boss, it's for him. I heard him say he'd like to have some nice fried chicken like he got down south, and I want to make him a present of one.

[Character 5]

I get it. I get it. Hey, here comes Papo, the proprietor. Maybe he can give you a steer.

[Character 4]

Hello, Papo. Hi.

[Character 1]

Hello, Joe. What's on of your mind, eh?

[Character 4]

Well, it's not much, honey. I was just asking Sam here where I could get a very, very fresh chicken.

[Character 1]

Oh, so you want the fresh chicken, eh? Well, I can fix you up a fine.

[Character 7]

I got a chicken and she's so.

[Character 1]

Fresh she's still a walking around.

[Character 4]

Well, that's great, Papo. Say, would you sell it to me as a very, very special favor?

[Train Conductor]

Well, I'm gonna do better for that.

[Character 1]

I'm gonna raffle this chicken to you.

[Character 4]

Are you running a raffle, papa?

[Character 7]

Oh, shoo.

[Character 1]

For sure. I got the chances all printed and everything.

[Character 4]

Gee, that's swell. How Much are those chances?

[Character 1]

Well, the 10 cents a chance. How many you want?

[Character 4]

Well, now, let me see. I'll take about a dollar's worth.

[Character 1]

You sure is smart fellow, Joe. You want to be sure to win, eh?

[Character 4]

Yeah. You say, Papo, it's for my boss. Here's the dollar.

[Character 1]

Oh, gratia. Here's the chance. There's 10 of them.

[Character 4]

Well, now, wait a minute. Maybe you better give me another dollar's worth.

[Character 1]

Oh, shoot, ping. That's right. 6, 7, 8, 9, 10. Here's 10 more chances.

[Character 4]

That ain't all the chances you got, is it, Papo?

[Character 1]

Well, I sell quite a few already. I only got the nine more left.

[Character 4]

Well, nine more left, huh? Well, Papo, I guess I better take them, too. You see, I don't want anybody else in the whole world but me to win this here chicken.

[Character 1]

Well, Joe, you certainly won't smarter for low. Well, here's the chances. And if you wait right here, I'm gonna be back in one of minutes.

[Character 4]

Oh, well, wait. All right, all right, Papa, but say, listen, please hurry, will you?

[Character 7]

I'll hurry, Joe. Don't worry, I'll hurry.

[Character 5]

Gee, you sure do want that chicken, Joe.

[Character 4]

Yeah, you bet I do. You know, I can hardly wait till Papo gets back here with it.

[Character 5]

What do you mean, gets back with it? He didn't go for no chicken. He only went out to get some more chances. Branded.

[Narrator]

At this point, may we say that you can make this program as long as you wish by turning to the March of Events and City Life section of your Hearst Sunday newspaper. There you will find long articles that have been written by these same writers. Will Rogers, Oo McIntyre, Buds Baer, Milt Gross, Sam Hellman and others. This program has given you only brief excerpts of their uproarious comedy, for there is column after column of wit and merriment awaiting you. No other newspaper presents such an assembly of so many noted comedy writers of the day. In the March of Events and City Life section of the Hearst Sunday newspapers, you will find sparkling cartoons. Also, the Club Car special broadcast has been scheduled to visit your home next week at this same time over this same radio station. Be sure to listen in for another 15 minutes of delightful merriment.