Lux Radio Theatre - The Devil and Miss Jones

Summary

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Podcast Summary: Lux Radio Theatre – The Devil and Miss Jones

Podcast: Harold's Old Time Radio
Episode Air Date: July 5, 2026
Main Cast: Frank Morgan (J.P. Merrick/Tom Higgins), Linda Darnell (Mary Jones), Gordon Oliver (Joe O'Brien)

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Episode Overview

This episode presents a dramatic radio adaptation of the 1941 film "The Devil and Miss Jones," performed by Lux Radio Theatre. The story, set in the early 1930s, follows J.P. Merrick, one of the wealthiest men in America, as he goes undercover as a shoe salesman in his own department store to root out labor unrest. Through comic situations and social commentary, the play explores themes of empathy, labor rights, and the bridging of class divides, all wrapped in an entertaining comedic tone.

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Key Discussion Points & Narrative Developments

1. The Catalyst: Labor Unrest at the Department Store

• Opening Scene (03:41–08:06):
  • The richest man in the world, J.P. Merrick, is outraged to learn he’s been hanged in effigy outside his department store ("Richest man in the world hanged in effigy outside his own store" – 03:45).
  • Merrick decides to infiltrate the store under the alias "Tom Higgins" to identify the troublemakers directly, after dismissing the detective initially recruited for the job.

2. Going Undercover on the Shop Floor

• Merrick's Humbling Entrance (08:06–11:00):
  • Merrick, now "Higgins," is subjected to an intelligence test ("Your rating was 66, that's one point over the lowest passing grade" – Mr. Hooper, 08:32), immediately putting him at the lowest social rung of the staff.
  • Mary Jones, a kind-hearted saleswoman, shows him the ropes and lends him money for lunch, which he sheepishly accepts but doesn't use.

3. Workplace Realities and Unionizing

• The Struggle of the Rank and File (13:23–19:41):
  • The department store’s employees, led by Joe O’Brien, are trying to organize for better conditions but face threats of firing and blacklisting from management.
  • A passionate speech highlights the insecurity and bleak prospects for older employees – exemplified through "Tom Higgins," who’s lauded at the union meeting for his perseverance ("We're all going to stand by old Tom Higgins!" – Child, 19:39).

Notable Quote:
"55 years old and nothing to eat. By what kind fate he got a job today, I'll never know. But what's to become of him when they let him out? And he will be let out. Haven't you, Tom?"
– Mary Jones at union meeting (18:31)

4. Merrick's Perspective Shifts

• Personal Encounters (20:01–25:47):
  • Returning home each night (soaking his sore feet), Merrick grapples with the realities of “little ants scurrying around” and starts making changes—e.g., dropping intelligence tests, and repaying Mary the 50 cents.
  • He tries to improve his sales stats by orchestrating buying schemes, but comedic mishaps (trouble fitting shoes for a stubborn child) reinforce his outsider status.

5. Building Camaraderie with Employees

• Picnic at Coney Island (29:08–34:44):
  • Merrick (as Higgins) joins Mary and Joe at a beach picnic, sharing a rare bottle of wine (unappreciated by his working-class friends, who dilute it with 7-Up, to his chagrin).
  • The day’s simple joys and open conversations about love, hardship, and solidarity touch him deeply—especially Mary’s sincere discourse on what it means to have someone to face the world with.

Notable Quote:
"If I thought I'd never see him again, I don't think I'd care if I lived or died."
– Mary Jones on love for Joe (33:47)

6. Climax: Discovery and Confrontation

• Suspicion and Chaos (42:37–51:25):
  • Mary and Joe discover Tom Higgins is a store spy, leading to a dramatic confrontation in the stockroom and a physical altercation.
  • The real identities are exposed, and Merrick, now feeling protective of his coworkers, turns on management, demanding fair treatment for employees ("Dealing with people the way you do is the reason for this civil war around here. They have rights" – 48:06).

Memorable Scene:
Employees, fearing retribution, attempt to destroy a list of union names by literally eating the paper (49:53–50:03).

7. Resolution: Solidarity and Change

• Negotiation and Renewal (53:03–55:27):
  • Merrick reveals himself and, using his authority, overrides his own managers to support employee demands and reform the store’s leadership.
  • The labor dispute is resolved amicably, with promises for a better future for all workers.

Notable Exchange:
"That's the first point you gentlemen will have to give in on."
– J.P. Merrick to his fellow executives, insisting Joe gets to manage (54:03)

• Joyful Ending (57:00–57:35):
  • As the workers parade victoriously, Merrick, now beloved, is invited to carry the effigy that started it all — requesting they remove the tail for good measure.

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Memorable Quotes & Moments

• J.P. Merrick’s realization:
  "Dealing with people the way you do is the reason for this civil war around here. They have rights." (48:06)
• Mary’s perspective on love:
  "If I thought I'd never see him again, I don't think I'd care if I lived or died." (33:47)
• Comedic Salesmanship:
  "Yes, who, me? No, ma’am." (repeated as Merrick awkwardly tries to bluff his way as a slipper salesman – 12:00)

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Important Timestamps

• Premise & Cast Introduction: 01:01–03:41
• J.P. Merrick’s undercover arrival: 08:06–09:06
• Mary’s defense of “Higgins”, union rally: 17:26–19:41
• Picnic scene/Coney Island: 30:37–34:46
• Spy revealed, stockroom showdown: 42:37–47:02
• Negotiation & transformation: 53:03–54:25
• Finale & curtain calls: 57:00–60:48

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Tone and Style

The episode is light-hearted with rapid-fire exchanges, comedic set-pieces, heartwarming moments of connection, and an undercurrent of social critique. Merrick’s transformation from detached tycoon to empathetic advocate unfolds with warmth, humility, and wit.

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Concluding Notes

This classic radio adaptation mixes screwball comedy with poignant reminders of labor rights and social fairness, all told through top-tier performances by the era’s stars. The episode is as relevant in its social observations as it is entertaining, culminating in solidarity, laughter, and newfound respect across divides.

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Transcript

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[Narrator/Announcer]

Lux presents Hollywood. Deluxe Radio Theater brings you the Devil and Miss Jones, starring Frank Morgan, Linda Darnell and Gordon Oliver. Ladies and gentlemen, your guest producer, Mr. Brian Ahern.

[Brian Ahern (Guest Producer/Narrator)]

Good evening, ladies and gentlemen. An unnamed philosopher once made this simple observation that when you look through your window, you see the crowds in the street, the world on parade. When you look in your mirror, you see only yourself. Both are made of glass, with this small difference that one has a coating of silver added. And that difference can apply to human beings. Had enough silver to a man, he often ceases to consider others and sees no one but himself. And that is the premise of our play tonight, which takes place several years before the war. But I can assure you that all further moralizing stops at once. For this is no weighty drama of social significance. It is, rather, one of the screen's most entertaining comedies, the Devil and Ms. Jones. Presented through the courtesy of Frank Ross, producer of the Technicolor spectacle the Rogue in the Devil's Corner, with no intended prejudice, we have the irrepressible Frank Morgan, who will soon be seen in Metro Goldwyn Mayer's the Great Morgan. As the angelic member of tonight's cast, we have the altogether lovely Linda Darnell. And as a gentleman who literally raises Hades, we present that up and coming screen star, Gordon Oliver. Together they bring you the story of a modern merchant prince who in the early 1930s, walks in disguise among the common folk with the most uncommon consequences. I spoke earlier of looking out of the window versus looking in the mirror. Once the point of that parallel has been established, let me hasten to add that I have no objection to mirrors and their contribution to humanity. Certainly, they have helped to make women still more beautiful in many ways. And not the least of these is showing them how luxe toilet soap can help them have lovelier complexions. And since a lovelier complexion often means romance and happiness, I'd say that consulting a mirror often is no more than good sense. And if you use luxe toilet soap, you'll find your mirror is the Glass that cheers. Well, now, on with our play. As the curtain rises on the first act of The Devil and Ms. Jones, starring Frank Morgan as JP Merrick, Linda Darnell as Mary, and Gordon Oliver as Joe. JP Merrick. He is one of the richest men in the world. Now, this is nice work if you can get it. And JP has had it for 50 years. He is the controlling voice of 30 great corporations. His fingers wiggle in a hundred financial pies all over the country. But now one of those pies is turning slightly moldy. The morning paper carries the screaming headlines, richest man in World Hanged in Effigy. Outside his own store on 38th Street. In Mr. Meddick's living room, his four financial advisors have come to give their advice. They're all great brains, but they are shaking in their boots. As Mr. Merrick enters, the quartet jumps nervously to its feet.

[Financial Advisor 1]

Morning, J.P. how are you, J.P. morning, J.P. good morning.

[J.P. Merrick / Tom Higgins (same actor, main character)]

I suppose you gentlemen have seen the newspaper. Yes, we have, JP Richest man in the world hanged in effigy outside his own store on 38th Street. Picture on page six. I thought I sold everything below 38th street years ago.

[Financial Advisor 1]

Well, that store's right on 38th Street, J.P. so we kept it. It's the Neely Department Store.

[J.P. Merrick / Tom Higgins (same actor, main character)]

Look at this picture. That dummy doesn't look like me. Maybe it's supposed to be one of you. I don't think so, sir. There's a sign on the dummy with

[Thomas Higgins (Detective alias)]

your name on it.

[J.P. Merrick / Tom Higgins (same actor, main character)]

Where?

[Brian Ahern (Guest Producer/Narrator)]

Here.

[George (Butler)]

See?

[Financial Advisor 1]

M E, R, R. That's all you can see?

[J.P. Merrick / Tom Higgins (same actor, main character)]

Those people there in the way? Yeah. What are those things on my head?

[Financial Advisor 1]

I believe they're supposed to be horns, JP Horns.

[J.P. Merrick / Tom Higgins (same actor, main character)]

And that sings the tail. What's been done about all this?

[Financial Advisor 1]

Well, we had a talk with the manager of the department store. He fired the ringleader and half a dozen employees who participated in it.

[J.P. Merrick / Tom Higgins (same actor, main character)]

Is that all? Have this picture enlarged and everybody in it fired. An Excellent suggestion, J.P. gentlemen, I pay you a great deal to take care of my interests and privacy. I want privacy. I haven't had my photograph in a newspaper in 25 years.

[Financial Advisor 1]

No, this is temporary, J.P. our detective will parrot out the whole thing in no time.

[J.P. Merrick / Tom Higgins (same actor, main character)]

What detective?

[Financial Advisor 1]

We have a man who's an expert.

[J.P. Merrick / Tom Higgins (same actor, main character)]

He's just outside, J.T.

[Financial Advisor 1]

if you care to speak to him, he'll show you. This thing is a simple little disturbance that really has no significance.

[J.P. Merrick / Tom Higgins (same actor, main character)]

Yes, the Boston Tea Party was a little disturbance, too. I want to talk to this detective. Good day, gentlemen.

[Financial Advisor 1]

Good day, J.P. good day.

[J.P. Merrick / Tom Higgins (same actor, main character)]

George. Send that detective in here.

[George (Butler)]

This way. Please, Mr. Higgins. This is Mr. Higgins, Mr. Merrick.

[J.P. Merrick / Tom Higgins (same actor, main character)]

All right, George. My breakfast.

[George (Butler)]

Yes, sir.

[J.P. Merrick / Tom Higgins (same actor, main character)]

Sit down, Mr. Sit down.

[Thomas Higgins (Detective alias)]

Well, thank you, sir.

[J.P. Merrick / Tom Higgins (same actor, main character)]

What did you say your name was?

[Thomas Higgins (Detective alias)]

Higgins. Thomas Higgins, sir.

[J.P. Merrick / Tom Higgins (same actor, main character)]

Well, what progress have you made, Mr. Higgins?

[Thomas Higgins (Detective alias)]

Well, I've gotten a job in the store, sir. Nobody in the whole store knows I'm a detective except the personnel head, and he gave me a card. Here it is.

[J.P. Merrick / Tom Higgins (same actor, main character)]

To whom it may concern, Thomas Higgins is employed in a confidential capacity and is accountable only to me. Signed, Arthur W. Davis, personnel head.

[Thomas Higgins (Detective alias)]

You see, sir, I'm a salesman in the children's shoe department. And that's the hotbed, that whole fifth floor.

[George (Butler)]

Your breakfast, Mr. Merrick. Will you have the graham crackers individually, or shall I crumple them in the milk, sir?

[J.P. Merrick / Tom Higgins (same actor, main character)]

Individual.

[George (Butler)]

Yes, sir.

[J.P. Merrick / Tom Higgins (same actor, main character)]

No, no, no, no. You can crumple them for a change.

[George (Butler)]

Yes, sir.

[J.P. Merrick / Tom Higgins (same actor, main character)]

Tell me, Higgins, how soon could you find out who these employees are, the troublemakers?

[Thomas Higgins (Detective alias)]

Well, not more than two or three weeks, sir.

[J.P. Merrick / Tom Higgins (same actor, main character)]

Why not two or three days?

[Thomas Higgins (Detective alias)]

Well, I've got to worm my way into their confidence, sir. Become one of them.

[J.P. Merrick / Tom Higgins (same actor, main character)]

How do I know what they'll do in the next two or three weeks? I'm not going to hang from every lamppost in the city while you worm your way into their confidence. Is there anybody you suspect?

[Thomas Higgins (Detective alias)]

Well, I haven't really started, sir. I thought I'd begin the day after tomorrow.

[J.P. Merrick / Tom Higgins (same actor, main character)]

What's that?

[Thomas Higgins (Detective alias)]

My wife's having a baby in Philadelphia. Oh, that's where I live. I thought I'd go home tomorrow.

[J.P. Merrick / Tom Higgins (same actor, main character)]

Mr. Higgins, I don't think you ought to be separated from your wife while you're having a baby. I'll. I'll get someone else for this assignment.

[Thomas Higgins (Detective alias)]

Well, that's very considerate of Mr. Merrick, but I.

[J.P. Merrick / Tom Higgins (same actor, main character)]

It's nothing at all. I'll just keep this card for the next fellow. Good day.

[Thomas Higgins (Detective alias)]

Well, I'm very grateful for your kindness, Mr. Merrick.

[J.P. Merrick / Tom Higgins (same actor, main character)]

It is perfectly all right. You just go back to Poughkeepsie and forget all about it.

[Thomas Higgins (Detective alias)]

Poughkeepsie? Oh, yes, yes.

[J.P. Merrick / Tom Higgins (same actor, main character)]

Well, good day, sir.

[Mr. Hooper (Section Manager)]

Baby.

[George (Butler)]

Mr. Merrick, sir, it's time for your pepsin. Dr. Schindler made it up into chewing gum. He thought you'd like the change.

[J.P. Merrick / Tom Higgins (same actor, main character)]

Yeah. Look at this picture, George. They've even got a tail on me out there on the dummy. And look at the faithful employees who are hanging me. Morons.

[McDonald's Announcer]

Sheep.

[J.P. Merrick / Tom Higgins (same actor, main character)]

No wonder you can convince them of anything. Oh, I'd like to hear one of those troublemakers talking. I'd show him I'd tell him I. George. Why shouldn't I? Of course I'll get a job in the store, Mr. Merrick.

[Store Employee / Security]

Why not?

[J.P. Merrick / Tom Higgins (same actor, main character)]

I'd like to see them operate.

[George (Butler)]

But think of your stomach, sir.

[J.P. Merrick / Tom Higgins (same actor, main character)]

Yes, I'll be one of them. Mix in with them. Let them talk to me. Why, these idiots. I'll play them like a cat in a mouse.

[George (Butler)]

Really, Mr. Merrick.

[J.P. Merrick / Tom Higgins (same actor, main character)]

George. From now on, my name is Thomas Higgins.

[Mr. Hooper (Section Manager)]

Good morning, sir. And what can I do for you?

[J.P. Merrick / Tom Higgins (same actor, main character)]

Oh, are you a section manager?

[Mr. Hooper (Section Manager)]

I am, sir. Section manager of the shoe department, at your service, sir.

[J.P. Merrick / Tom Higgins (same actor, main character)]

Well, I'm working here. I'm the new salesman.

[Mr. Hooper (Section Manager)]

Is this any. Oh, you are?

[J.P. Merrick / Tom Higgins (same actor, main character)]

Yes, I am.

[Mr. Hooper (Section Manager)]

Well, let's see your slip. They gave you a slip, didn't they?

[J.P. Merrick / Tom Higgins (same actor, main character)]

Oh, yes. Right here.

[Mr. Hooper (Section Manager)]

So you're Higgins. Ah, yes, sir.

[J.P. Merrick / Tom Higgins (same actor, main character)]

Yes, sir.

[Mr. Hooper (Section Manager)]

Or preferably, yes. Mr. Hooper.

[J.P. Merrick / Tom Higgins (same actor, main character)]

Hooper, Higgins.

[Mr. Hooper (Section Manager)]

I've already had a report on you. In the intelligence test you took this morning, your rating was 66. That's one point over the lowest passing grade.

[J.P. Merrick / Tom Higgins (same actor, main character)]

66. There must be some mistake. I answered all the questions.

[Mr. Hooper (Section Manager)]

You might have answered some of them wrong. That's possible, isn't it? I said that's possible, isn't it?

[J.P. Merrick / Tom Higgins (same actor, main character)]

Yes, it is, sir.

[Mr. Hooper (Section Manager)]

We. We don't make mistakes, Higgins. Neelys is always right. This is the lowest intelligence rating in my department. I hope you have other qualities to compensate for it for your own sake, Ms. Jones.

[Mary Jones (Saleswoman)]

Did you call me, Mr. Hooper?

[Mr. Hooper (Section Manager)]

You heard me, didn't you?

[Mary Jones (Saleswoman)]

Well, I. I'm sorry, sir. I was just going to wait on the customer.

[Mr. Hooper (Section Manager)]

Never mind, Ms. Jones. I'm assigning Higgins to slippers. Show him his duties.

[Mary Jones (Saleswoman)]

Welcome to the shoe department, Mr. Higgins. You come right along with me.

[J.P. Merrick / Tom Higgins (same actor, main character)]

Well, thank you.

[Mr. Hooper (Section Manager)]

I'll have my eye on you, Higgins. Just remember that.

[J.P. Merrick / Tom Higgins (same actor, main character)]

Yeah, you will, eh?

[Mary Jones (Saleswoman)]

Now, this will be your counter, Mr. Higgins. Bedroom lounging and house slippers. You know, this is really much the best job. No bending down for try ons. No running back and forth for different models. I wish I had this counter.

[J.P. Merrick / Tom Higgins (same actor, main character)]

You mean he doesn't think I'm good enough to sell shoes, is that it?

[Mary Jones (Saleswoman)]

Oh, no, now, don't be silly. You. Well, you have to be much more clever selling slippers than you do shoes. Don't forget, people can always do without slippers. They have to be convinced.

[J.P. Merrick / Tom Higgins (same actor, main character)]

How could he tell I'm not as good a salesman as the next one.

[Mary Jones (Saleswoman)]

Now, don't be so touchy. Look, you can sell shoes when you're relief for lunch. And you show him then what A good salesman you are. Now, today your lunch hour is from 12 to 1. That's in 30 minutes.

[J.P. Merrick / Tom Higgins (same actor, main character)]

I'm not going to eat any lunch.

[Mary Jones (Saleswoman)]

You're not?

[J.P. Merrick / Tom Higgins (same actor, main character)]

No. I'm going to stay here selling slippers. I'm going to make a good impression.

[Mary Jones (Saleswoman)]

Why aren't you going to have lunch?

[J.P. Merrick / Tom Higgins (same actor, main character)]

Well, I'm not hungry. I never eat lunch anyway.

[Mary Jones (Saleswoman)]

Now, listen, don't try to kid me. There's only one reason why people don't eat, and I'm going to fix that right now. Here, you take this.

[J.P. Merrick / Tom Higgins (same actor, main character)]

What's that?

[Mary Jones (Saleswoman)]

That's 50 cents. Come on.

[J.P. Merrick / Tom Higgins (same actor, main character)]

But I don't want your money.

[Mary Jones (Saleswoman)]

Now, look, you take it and no arguments. I'll see you after lunch. Mr. Higgins,

[Joe O'Brien (Employee/Union Leader)]

would you mind attending to business, please? I'm trying to buy some slippers.

[J.P. Merrick / Tom Higgins (same actor, main character)]

Listen, who do you think you're talking. Oh, yes, madam. And what can I do for you? Mad.

[Mary Jones (Saleswoman)]

Mr. Higgins, it's time for your lunch. I'll take over your counter now.

[J.P. Merrick / Tom Higgins (same actor, main character)]

But I'm not hungry, really.

[Mary Jones (Saleswoman)]

Now, why do you argue so much? You go to lunch and hurry up about it.

[J.P. Merrick / Tom Higgins (same actor, main character)]

Well, I don't know where to go. I'll just go and sit in the park.

[Mary Jones (Saleswoman)]

I guess some people have an awful lot of pride, haven't they?

[J.P. Merrick / Tom Higgins (same actor, main character)]

Pride? Well, I.

[Mary Jones (Saleswoman)]

Well, never mind. Did you sell anything yet?

[Mr. Hooper (Section Manager)]

No.

[Mary Jones (Saleswoman)]

Here, let's see your book. Oh, one pair. Men's House.

[Joe O'Brien (Employee/Union Leader)]

Well, that's fine.

[Mary Jones (Saleswoman)]

Did you have any trouble selling them?

[J.P. Merrick / Tom Higgins (same actor, main character)]

Oh, no, no, not at all.

[Mary Jones (Saleswoman)]

Oh, that's wonderful.

[J.P. Merrick / Tom Higgins (same actor, main character)]

You see, my feet started to hurt, so I thought I'd. Well, I needed a pair anyway.

[Mary Jones (Saleswoman)]

Mr. Higgins, you sold them to yourself.

[J.P. Merrick / Tom Higgins (same actor, main character)]

Well, isn't that allowed?

[Mary Jones (Saleswoman)]

Well, of course, but.

[Thomas Higgins (Detective alias)]

Oh.

[Mary Jones (Saleswoman)]

Hey, look out.

[J.P. Merrick / Tom Higgins (same actor, main character)]

What's the matter?

[Mary Jones (Saleswoman)]

Don't look up. A shopper's coming.

[Thomas Higgins (Detective alias)]

A what?

[Mary Jones (Saleswoman)]

A store shopper. They pretend they're customers, but they're really testing you. Now, be very careful how you act. Oh, May I help you, madam?

[Store Shopper]

That's all right. This gentleman will wait on me.

[Joe O'Brien (Employee/Union Leader)]

Yes, ma'.

[Female Voice / Luxe Soap User]

Am.

[Mary Jones (Saleswoman)]

Go ahead.

[J.P. Merrick / Tom Higgins (same actor, main character)]

Yeah, What. What can I do for you, madam?

[Store Shopper]

Do you sell slippers here?

[J.P. Merrick / Tom Higgins (same actor, main character)]

Yes, ma', am, we do. These are slippers. That's what we call them. Slippers.

[Store Shopper]

They don't look very good.

[J.P. Merrick / Tom Higgins (same actor, main character)]

Oh, but they are. I wear a pair of these myself. Woolly woolies. Keep your feet nice and warm. Real sheep wool.

[Store Shopper]

Aren't they a little too warm for the summer?

[J.P. Merrick / Tom Higgins (same actor, main character)]

Well, we've never had any complaints from the sheep.

[Store Employee / Security]

Oh, no?

[Store Shopper]

I'll think about it. I hope you didn't mind My inconveniencing you without buying anything?

[J.P. Merrick / Tom Higgins (same actor, main character)]

Oh, of course not, madam. I'm only here to serve you. We serve everybody and anybody.

[Store Shopper]

Listen, are you chewing gum?

[J.P. Merrick / Tom Higgins (same actor, main character)]

Who, me? No, ma'. Am.

[Store Shopper]

I am a store shopper. Open your mouth.

[J.P. Merrick / Tom Higgins (same actor, main character)]

But, madam. I give you my word.

[Store Shopper]

Open your mouth.

[J.P. Merrick / Tom Higgins (same actor, main character)]

Very well, madam.

[Mr. Hooper (Section Manager)]

Ah.

[J.P. Merrick / Tom Higgins (same actor, main character)]

Is he any gum? Huh?

[Store Shopper]

Close your mouth. Close your mouth. Yeah, you swallowed it.

[J.P. Merrick / Tom Higgins (same actor, main character)]

No, ma', am, I wasn't chewing any.

[Store Shopper]

Well, see that you don't in the future. And don't lean on the counter either.

[J.P. Merrick / Tom Higgins (same actor, main character)]

Yes, ma'.

[Thomas Higgins (Detective alias)]

Am.

[Mary Jones (Saleswoman)]

Oh, nice work, Pop. You didn't do bad at all.

[J.P. Merrick / Tom Higgins (same actor, main character)]

Thank you. Say, is swallowing gum bad for your stomach?

[Joe O'Brien (Employee/Union Leader)]

Five o'.

[J.P. Merrick / Tom Higgins (same actor, main character)]

Clock.

[Mary Jones (Saleswoman)]

Oh, I thought this day would never end.

[J.P. Merrick / Tom Higgins (same actor, main character)]

Oh, you mean we can go home now?

[Mary Jones (Saleswoman)]

We are as free as the birds until 8:20am tomorrow.

[Union Organizer / Employee]

Employees. Listen, employees. Here I am. Over here.

[Joe O'Brien (Employee/Union Leader)]

Oh, it's Joe again.

[Union Organizer / Employee]

Gather round, everybody. All the employees of the Neely store.

[Joe O'Brien (Employee/Union Leader)]

Oh, Joe, don't, please.

[Union Organizer / Employee]

Come on, everybody.

[J.P. Merrick / Tom Higgins (same actor, main character)]

Well, who's that fella?

[Joe O'Brien (Employee/Union Leader)]

Oh, it's Joe. He used to work here. Now he gets thrown out of the store every afternoon. Joe.

[Union Organizer / Employee]

Joe.

[Joe O'Brien (Employee/Union Leader)]

Listen to me, folks.

[Union Organizer / Employee]

I have a message for you. They fired some of us for asking for our rights. But we haven't given up. We're still at it.

[Joe O'Brien (Employee/Union Leader)]

Attaboy, Joel.

[Store Employee / Security]

Stop this. Stop this at once.

[Mr. Hooper (Section Manager)]

I'll call the detectives.

[Union Organizer / Employee]

Go on, call the detectives. Mr. Hooper. Who cares? Don't be afraid. Employees, come to our meetings. If enough of us stick together, they won't be able to stop us.

[Mr. Hooper (Section Manager)]

Nobody listen to him.

[Union Organizer / Employee]

Nobody listen to him.

[Mr. Allison (General Manager)]

Detectives, get rid of this man.

[Mr. Hooper (Section Manager)]

Get him out of here.

[Union Organizer / Employee]

I repeat, folks, come to the meeting tonight. We've got to fight together.

[Store Employee / Security]

Okay, buddy, come on. Outside.

[Mrs. Abbott]

Outside.

[Union Organizer / Employee]

Folks are throwing me out again. But they can't stand stop us. Come to the meeting.

[Store Employee / Security]

Around the neck. Eddie. I got him.

[Union Organizer / Employee]

Don't be afraid. Right is on our side. They can't stop us. Don't forget. Come to the meeting.

[Joe O'Brien (Employee/Union Leader)]

Oh, Joe. Why does he always do that?

[Mr. Allison (General Manager)]

Come now.

[Mr. Hooper (Section Manager)]

Clear the floor, please. Clear the floor.

[J.P. Merrick / Tom Higgins (same actor, main character)]

Is. Is that Joe person a good friend of yours, Ms. Jones?

[Mary Jones (Saleswoman)]

Joe. Oh, Joe's the greatest guy in the world.

[Mr. Allison (General Manager)]

Employees, gather near the loudspeakers.

[J.P. Merrick / Tom Higgins (same actor, main character)]

Who's that?

[Mary Jones (Saleswoman)]

That's Mr. Allison, the General manager. He talks to us every day over the public address system.

[Mr. Allison (General Manager)]

Fellow employees, there was a disturbance on the fifth floor a moment ago. Nothing short of trespassing. A criminal offense. There are still some troublemakers employed in this store. We have not as yet ferreted Out. But we shall. And if employees are found cooperating with these traitors in our one big happy family, I can tell you now, they will not only be discharged, but blackballed from ever working in any department store in this city. Now, may I wish you all a very good evening. Good night, fellow employees.

[Mary Jones (Saleswoman)]

Why the big st. Tell me, Mr. Higgins, are you doing anything tonight?

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[SpinQuest Legal Disclaimer]

Spin Quest is a free to play social casino void where prohibited. Visit spinquest.com for more details.

[McDonald's Announcer]

All new drinks are now at McDonald's with refreshers like the Strawberry Watermelon Refresher and the Mango Pineapple Refresher with Popping Boba. To crafted sodas like the Sprite Berry Blast with berry flavors and cold foam. Who knew ice cold drinks could be so fire six? All new drinks are here now at McDonald's.

[J.P. Merrick / Tom Higgins (same actor, main character)]

Refreshers contain caffeine. Me? Oh, no, not especially.

[Mary Jones (Saleswoman)]

You come with me. We're going to that meeting.

[Joe O'Brien (Alternate label for Joe)]

Hey, Mary. Hello, honey. Glad you could make it.

[Child (Sally)]

All right.

[Mary Jones (Saleswoman)]

Oh, Joe, did they do anything to you at the store?

[Joe O'Brien (Employee/Union Leader)]

Did they hurt you?

[Joe O'Brien (Alternate label for Joe)]

Nah, I dared them to.

[Mary Jones (Saleswoman)]

Well, I was so afraid they'd do something to you.

[Joe O'Brien (Alternate label for Joe)]

Hey, who's this?

[Mary Jones (Saleswoman)]

Oh, he started in the store this morning.

[Store Employee / Security]

Oh.

[Joe O'Brien (Alternate label for Joe)]

Welcome, brother.

[Mary Jones (Saleswoman)]

Hello, Mr. Higgins. This is Joe O'. Brien. He's the one who hung up the dummy of J.P. merrick.

[J.P. Merrick / Tom Higgins (same actor, main character)]

Oh, he is?

[Joe O'Brien (Alternate label for Joe)]

Made the front page of the Times, that's all.

[Joe O'Brien (Employee/Union Leader)]

Did you see it?

[J.P. Merrick / Tom Higgins (same actor, main character)]

Yes, I saw it. This. This is quite a pleasure, Mr. O'. Brien.

[Joe O'Brien (Alternate label for Joe)]

Likewise. Come on, we're just about to start the meeting.

[Union Organizer / Employee]

All right, everybody, I see that some of you are here for the first time.

[Joe O'Brien (Alternate label for Joe)]

You'd probably like to know more about us. We're not professional agitators. I myself started six years ago when the Neely Department Store as a packing boy worked up to assistant section manager. Now, our quarrel is simple. We're given a small raise every year. Thanks. At the end of 10 or 15 years, when our salary's higher than the new employees, we're let out. Now, this is a regular practice of the store. Mind you, it's probably good bookkeeping, but

[Union Organizer / Employee]

I think it's Pretty unfair.

[Joe O'Brien (Employee/Union Leader)]

Joe, may I interrupt, please?

[Mr. Hooper (Section Manager)]

Sure.

[Union Organizer / Employee]

What's on your mind, Mary?

[Mary Jones (Saleswoman)]

Well, I'd like to show you a practical case of what we're fighting for, if I may.

[Joe O'Brien (Alternate label for Joe)]

Certainly, Mary.

[Union Organizer / Employee]

Folks, this is Ms. Jones of Children's Shoes.

[Joe O'Brien (Employee/Union Leader)]

Thank you, ladies and gentlemen.

[Mary Jones (Saleswoman)]

This gentleman sitting right here is Thomas Higgins. I'd like you to meet him.

[J.P. Merrick / Tom Higgins (same actor, main character)]

No, no, no, no, no, please, Mr.

[Mary Jones (Saleswoman)]

Higgins, tell me, how old are you?

[J.P. Merrick / Tom Higgins (same actor, main character)]

Well, I don't. 55.

[Mary Jones (Saleswoman)]

Now, don't be nervous, Tom. It's all right, ladies and gentlemen.

[Joe O'Brien (Employee/Union Leader)]

He's 55.

[Mary Jones (Saleswoman)]

Look at him.

[Joe O'Brien (Employee/Union Leader)]

He's bright, alert. He has all his faculties. Now, I'm going to tell you the

[Mary Jones (Saleswoman)]

rest of that picture.

[Joe O'Brien (Employee/Union Leader)]

He came to work this morning in children's shoes without the few cents in. In his pocket he needed to buy lunch. And that isn't all. I gave him 50 cents. And you know what he did with it? He kept it because he needed even that 50 cents more than he needed food. Maybe for medicine, maybe for a place to sleep tonight. I don't know. I didn't ask him. I felt too ashamed for him. 55 years old and nothing to eat. By what kind fate he got a job today, I'll never know. But what's to become of him when they let him out? And he will be let out. He has been before. Haven't you, Tom?

[J.P. Merrick / Tom Higgins (same actor, main character)]

Well, you see, I did not know.

[Joe O'Brien (Employee/Union Leader)]

There. Of course, he's given everything he has. And yet now, gray haired, friendless, he faces another employer who will use him and then throw him aside for a younger man. Which leaves him insecure and homeless and with no one to turn to except charity in the poor house. Is that right? Is that fair? I leave it to you, ladies and gentlemen. What are we going to do? I know what we're going to do.

[Child (Sally)]

We're all going to stand by old Tom Higgins.

[Joe O'Brien (Employee/Union Leader)]

Hurray for Tom.

[J.P. Merrick / Tom Higgins (same actor, main character)]

And then they all stood up and cheered for me. What do you think of that, George?

[George (Butler)]

Very interesting, Mr. Merrick. Now, if you just put your feet in this hot water, sir, I'm sure they'll feel a little better.

[J.P. Merrick / Tom Higgins (same actor, main character)]

Yeah. Oh, yes. Oh, gosh, that's.

[Union Organizer / Employee]

Yes.

[J.P. Merrick / Tom Higgins (same actor, main character)]

Those idiots. Making me one of them. I'll show them who hangs who. I'll hang every troublemaker in the place. Have you got those notes I telephone to you?

[George (Butler)]

Yes, sir.

[J.P. Merrick / Tom Higgins (same actor, main character)]

Here they are.

[George (Butler)]

One, Intelligence tests out. May I ask why, sir?

[J.P. Merrick / Tom Higgins (same actor, main character)]

No, you may not.

[George (Butler)]

Yes, sir. Two, pay back 50 cents to Ms. Jones. Three, do something about section manager.

[J.P. Merrick / Tom Higgins (same actor, main character)]

Yeah, and add another one. Store shoppers out.

[George (Butler)]

Yes, Store shoppers out.

[J.P. Merrick / Tom Higgins (same actor, main character)]

You know, George, I didn't do so well selling things today.

[George (Butler)]

Really, sir?

[J.P. Merrick / Tom Higgins (same actor, main character)]

Well, it's just a matter of luck, that's all.

[George (Butler)]

Oh, yes, sir.

[J.P. Merrick / Tom Higgins (same actor, main character)]

Yes, of course. But I'll fix that. What I want you to do is to find a little girl somewhere. Bring her to the shoe department tomorrow at exactly 10 after 12. Well, well, sit down, sir. Is there anything I can do for you, sir?

[George (Butler)]

Mr. Merrick? I don't feel at all comfortable, sir.

[J.P. Merrick / Tom Higgins (same actor, main character)]

Sit down.

[McDonald's Announcer]

Sit down.

[J.P. Merrick / Tom Higgins (same actor, main character)]

And what would you like today, sir?

[George (Butler)]

Well, I thought. I thought I'd buy some shoes for my little girl.

[J.P. Merrick / Tom Higgins (same actor, main character)]

Oh, shoes for the little girl? Yes, sir. Hello there, little girl. Won't you be seated?

[Child (Sally)]

Okay.

[J.P. Merrick / Tom Higgins (same actor, main character)]

Thank you, little girl. George, I want you to buy a dozen pair of shoes.

[George (Butler)]

A dozen? I think that's too many, sir. They'll get suspicious.

[J.P. Merrick / Tom Higgins (same actor, main character)]

You think so?

[George (Butler)]

Oh, yes, sir.

[J.P. Merrick / Tom Higgins (same actor, main character)]

Well, all right, then. Half a dozen. No less.

[George (Butler)]

Yes, sir. Half a dozen. Yeah.

[J.P. Merrick / Tom Higgins (same actor, main character)]

And what size does the little girl wear?

[George (Butler)]

Well, I.

[Child (Sally)]

One and a half. I wear one and a half.

[J.P. Merrick / Tom Higgins (same actor, main character)]

Well, thank you. I'll be right back. One and a half. That I'd eat out of.

[Mary Jones (Saleswoman)]

Tom, Mr. Hooper's watching you.

[J.P. Merrick / Tom Higgins (same actor, main character)]

He is, eh?

[Mr. Hooper (Section Manager)]

Good.

[Mary Jones (Saleswoman)]

Now, this is your chance. And don't be nervous, Tom.

[J.P. Merrick / Tom Higgins (same actor, main character)]

I'm not nervous.

[Mary Jones (Saleswoman)]

Well, what size do you want? I'll help you.

[J.P. Merrick / Tom Higgins (same actor, main character)]

One and a half.

[Female Voice / Luxe Soap User]

All right.

[Mary Jones (Saleswoman)]

Let's see. Here you are. Now, don't be nervous.

[J.P. Merrick / Tom Higgins (same actor, main character)]

Tom, is. Is this the hardest shoe to sell? What's the hardest shoe to get rid of in the whole stock?

[Mary Jones (Saleswoman)]

The hardest?

[Financial Advisor 1]

Yes.

[Mary Jones (Saleswoman)]

Well, we've got some high tops right here that haven't moved for years. Oh, by the way, there's a 25 cent bonus for each pair you sell.

[J.P. Merrick / Tom Higgins (same actor, main character)]

Well, fine. Those are the ones I want. How many of these high tops have you got in stock?

[Mary Jones (Saleswoman)]

Let's see. Five.

[J.P. Merrick / Tom Higgins (same actor, main character)]

That's too bad. I can sell six.

[Mary Jones (Saleswoman)]

Well, I. I do wish you'd just try and sell the ordinary shoes. Tom, you're making trouble for yourself.

[J.P. Merrick / Tom Higgins (same actor, main character)]

Don't be silly. Just watch, that's all.

[Mary Jones (Saleswoman)]

Good luck, Tom.

[Brian Ahern (Guest Producer/Narrator)]

Yes.

[J.P. Merrick / Tom Higgins (same actor, main character)]

Now, little girl, here we are. Just slip your foot in, please.

[Child (Sally)]

I don't like that shoe.

[J.P. Merrick / Tom Higgins (same actor, main character)]

Oh, come, come, come, come. Now.

[George (Butler)]

Put your foot in the shoe, Sally.

[Child (Sally)]

I don't want to. I don't like it.

[J.P. Merrick / Tom Higgins (same actor, main character)]

Put your foot in.

[Child (Sally)]

I don't like it. Get away from me, you big dope.

[J.P. Merrick / Tom Higgins (same actor, main character)]

George, where'd you get this brat?

[George (Butler)]

She belongs. She belongs to the upstairs maid, sir.

[J.P. Merrick / Tom Higgins (same actor, main character)]

If she doesn't stop yelling, there's gonna Be another upstairs maid.

[George (Butler)]

Stop yelling, dear.

[Child (Sally)]

I won't. I don't like it.

[J.P. Merrick / Tom Higgins (same actor, main character)]

I don't care whether you like it. Here, here. Now, let's not argue, little girl.

[Child (Sally)]

Lick on my foot like, or I'll kick you.

[J.P. Merrick / Tom Higgins (same actor, main character)]

No, no, no, you wouldn't do that.

[George (Butler)]

Don't play, Sally, dear. You mustn't kick the gentleman.

[J.P. Merrick / Tom Higgins (same actor, main character)]

Get your foot in there. Listen. Get it in, do you hear?

[Child (Sally)]

No, I won't.

[Store Employee / Security]

Did you hear me?

[J.P. Merrick / Tom Higgins (same actor, main character)]

Now, listen, you little pimpy.

[Child (Sally)]

No, no, no, I won't. I hate you.

[Joe O'Brien (Employee/Union Leader)]

I hate you.

[Mr. Hooper (Section Manager)]

What is all this, Mr. Higgins? You're not shoeing a horse, you know.

[J.P. Merrick / Tom Higgins (same actor, main character)]

Mr. Hooper, this little brat.

[Store Employee / Security]

What?

[J.P. Merrick / Tom Higgins (same actor, main character)]

I mean, this little girl.

[Mr. Hooper (Section Manager)]

I'll take care of this. Oh, now, little lady. Just look what I've got for you. A lollipop.

[Child (Sally)]

Gimme.

[Mr. Hooper (Section Manager)]

There you are. Now, sir, do you want these shoes?

[George (Butler)]

Yes, I'd like half a dozen pairs, please.

[Mr. Hooper (Section Manager)]

Fine, fine. Mr. Higgins, there's someone at your slipper counter. I'll take care of this customer.

[J.P. Merrick / Tom Higgins (same actor, main character)]

But I've got those shoes sold.

[Mr. Hooper (Section Manager)]

There's someone at your slipper counter. Go on.

[Mary Jones (Saleswoman)]

Don't you lose confidence in yourself tomorrow. You could have sold them just as well. Mr. Hooper only butted in because he wanted to get the bonus.

[J.P. Merrick / Tom Higgins (same actor, main character)]

I don't remember when I've disliked anyone as heartily as I do him. And I've disliked quite a few people in my time, to their misfortune.

[Mary Jones (Saleswoman)]

Well, you just forget all about it now.

[J.P. Merrick / Tom Higgins (same actor, main character)]

I'm an elephant, Miss Jones, a veritable elephant. I never forget a good deed done me or an ill one.

[Mary Jones (Saleswoman)]

Well, you mustn't say anything to Mr. Hooper about it. He can tie the can to you, you know.

[J.P. Merrick / Tom Higgins (same actor, main character)]

What can?

[Mary Jones (Saleswoman)]

Well, tie the can to you, get you fired. Now, promise me you won't say anything to him. Promise.

[J.P. Merrick / Tom Higgins (same actor, main character)]

All right, I won't say anything.

[Mary Jones (Saleswoman)]

Tom, do you know what would be very clever? Why, if you'd go over right now and thank him for helping you out.

[J.P. Merrick / Tom Higgins (same actor, main character)]

Thank him?

[Mary Jones (Saleswoman)]

Well, you want to keep this job, don't you? You're in no position to be independent. Now, go on over. Go on.

[J.P. Merrick / Tom Higgins (same actor, main character)]

Oh, very well.

[Mary Jones (Saleswoman)]

Be nice now.

[Thomas Higgins (Detective alias)]

Yeah.

[J.P. Merrick / Tom Higgins (same actor, main character)]

Oh, Mr. Hooper. Yes, Mr. Hooper. Well, I wanted to say about that sale.

[Mr. Hooper (Section Manager)]

Oh, yes. You've got quite a way with children, Higgins.

[J.P. Merrick / Tom Higgins (same actor, main character)]

Well, I.

[Mr. Hooper (Section Manager)]

They certainly take to you like a duck to water.

[J.P. Merrick / Tom Higgins (same actor, main character)]

Yes, well, hot water. Well, I probably couldn't have handled it as well as you.

[Mr. Hooper (Section Manager)]

As well as me? You couldn't handle it at all. I made that sale.

[J.P. Merrick / Tom Higgins (same actor, main character)]

Oh, I don't know, I have a hunch those shoes are coming back.

[Mr. Hooper (Section Manager)]

My sales never come back.

[J.P. Merrick / Tom Higgins (same actor, main character)]

Is that so?

[SpinQuest Legal Disclaimer]

You.

[J.P. Merrick / Tom Higgins (same actor, main character)]

You want to bet?

[Mr. Hooper (Section Manager)]

Certainly. Certainly. How much?

[J.P. Merrick / Tom Higgins (same actor, main character)]

Well, make it easy on yourself.

[Mr. Hooper (Section Manager)]

How much can you afford?

[J.P. Merrick / Tom Higgins (same actor, main character)]

Well, I can manage to scrape a little something together.

[Mr. Hooper (Section Manager)]

Would $10 be too much?

[J.P. Merrick / Tom Higgins (same actor, main character)]

Make it 20.

[Mr. Hooper (Section Manager)]

I'll be lucky if I get the 10.

[J.P. Merrick / Tom Higgins (same actor, main character)]

I'll say so. And if you want to bet anymore, brother, I'll even give you odds.

[Narrator/Announcer]

Our stars will return in Act 2 of the Devil and Ms. Jones in just a moment. And now have you heard what they're saying?

[J.P. Merrick / Tom Higgins (same actor, main character)]

My, she's pretty. Skin like a movie star's guess.

[Narrator/Announcer]

She's a luxe girl.

[J.P. Merrick / Tom Higgins (same actor, main character)]

Now there's what I mean by a

[Narrator/Announcer]

peaches and cream complexion.

[Mr. Hooper (Section Manager)]

She must be a luxe girl.

[Narrator/Announcer]

Yes, they're luxe girls. These girls who get lots of compliments, who attract admiring eyes. They're the girls with lovely smooth soft skin. Clever girls who've taken a tip from nine out of ten famous screen stars.

[Female Voice / Luxe Soap User]

I wouldn't dream of missing my daily active lather facials with luxe toilet soap. They leave my skin feeling wonderfully soft and smooth.

[Narrator/Announcer]

If you think your skin could be lovelier, why not try these daily beauty facials screen stars depend on. They're easy and they're quick.

[Female Voice / Luxe Soap User]

You cover your face with lots of the luxe soap lather. It's so creamy and rich. Then you rinse with warm water, splash on cold and then you just pat your skin dry with a soft towel. Now touch your skin. You'll like the way it feels.

[Narrator/Announcer]

Regular Lux toilet soap facials do make skin lovelier. Recent tests proved that actually three out of four complexions improved in a short time with this gentle daily care. The creamy active lather Lux Toilet soap has does a thorough job. Gives delicate skin the protection it needs. Why not get some of this fine white soap tomorrow? Remember, Luxe Toilet soap is Hollywood's own beauty soap. We pause now for station identification. This is cbs, the Columbia Broadcasting System.

[Brian Ahern (Guest Producer/Narrator)]

Act two of the devil and miss jones. Starring frank morgan as jp merrick, linda darnell as mary and gordon oliver as joe.

[SpinQuest Announcer]

Hanging out at the pool is great. Relaxing and playing Vegas style games on my phone at the same time. Drink in one hand and a blackjack in the other. It's all at St.

[Joe O'Brien (Alternate label for Joe)]

Spin Quest.

[SpinQuest Announcer]

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[SpinQuest Legal Disclaimer]

Spin Quest is a free to play social casino void where prohibited visit spinquest.com for more details.

[McDonald's Announcer]

All new drinks are now at McDonald's with refreshers like the Strawberry Watermelon Refresher and the Mango Pineapple Refresher with Popping Boba. To crafted sodas like the Sprite Berry Blast with berry flavors and cold foam. Who knew ice cold drinks could be so fire six? All new drinks are here now at McDonald's.

[J.P. Merrick / Tom Higgins (same actor, main character)]

Refreshers contain caffeine.

[Brian Ahern (Guest Producer/Narrator)]

It's almost a week since JP Merrick went to work as a shoe salesman in his own store. He's finding out a great many things. Principally that selling shoes is hard on the feet. Once again, in his living room, he immerses those tired members in a pan of hot water.

[J.P. Merrick / Tom Higgins (same actor, main character)]

It's very interesting, George. My little experiment.

[George (Butler)]

I'm glad you're enjoying yourself, sir.

[J.P. Merrick / Tom Higgins (same actor, main character)]

I watch the little ants scurrying around and I know each and every one's going to get his just desserts.

[George (Butler)]

Oh, I'm sure they are.

[J.P. Merrick / Tom Higgins (same actor, main character)]

That Joe Mary's fellow bad an evil influence on the girl. Kind of Svengali corrupting her whole viewpoint. I'm gonna break that up tomorrow.

[George (Butler)]

Tomorrow? Tomorrow's Sunday, sir.

[J.P. Merrick / Tom Higgins (same actor, main character)]

Well, that's right. They've invited me to go along on a sort of a picnic or something. Coney Island.

[George (Butler)]

A picnic?

[J.P. Merrick / Tom Higgins (same actor, main character)]

You, sir?

[George (Butler)]

Coney island beach picnic.

[J.P. Merrick / Tom Higgins (same actor, main character)]

I'm supposed to bring something. I said I'd bring a bottle of wine, but they don't think I will because I haven't the money. Well, get along at the wine cellar, George.

[George (Butler)]

Yes, sir.

[J.P. Merrick / Tom Higgins (same actor, main character)]

Say, George, what's the best bottle in the whole place?

[George (Butler)]

I'd say the Romani Conti 19 3.

[J.P. Merrick / Tom Higgins (same actor, main character)]

That's good, eh?

[George (Butler)]

Oh, rather, sir. There were only 24 bottles in the world originally. You bought 12 and the royal family

[J.P. Merrick / Tom Higgins (same actor, main character)]

had the other 12. Well, that's it. You go down and get it. But take the label off the bottle. I don't want them to be suspicious.

[George (Butler)]

Label off the bottle? Yes, sir.

[Mary Jones (Saleswoman)]

Oh, Ton, you should shouldn't have spent your money for wine, really.

[J.P. Merrick / Tom Higgins (same actor, main character)]

Oh, well, you only live once. Here you are, Joe. Try that.

[Union Organizer / Employee]

Okay.

[Joe O'Brien (Alternate label for Joe)]

Here's looking at you.

[Joe O'Brien (Employee/Union Leader)]

Let's go.

[J.P. Merrick / Tom Higgins (same actor, main character)]

Well, how is it? Well, you like it, don't you?

[Joe O'Brien (Alternate label for Joe)]

Well, I'll tell you, Tom, it's not really bad.

[Mary Jones (Saleswoman)]

Oh, Tom, did you spend more than 50 cents for this wine?

[J.P. Merrick / Tom Higgins (same actor, main character)]

50 cents?

[Joe O'Brien (Alternate label for Joe)]

Well, certainly I. Tom, they saw you coming.

[J.P. Merrick / Tom Higgins (same actor, main character)]

Who saw me coming? You mean you don't like this wine?

[Joe O'Brien (Employee/Union Leader)]

Say, I've got a good mind to

[Mary Jones (Saleswoman)]

return it and make them give you your money back.

[Joe O'Brien (Alternate label for Joe)]

Yeah, the nerve of some people.

[J.P. Merrick / Tom Higgins (same actor, main character)]

Now, wait a minute. You're not giving this wine a fair chance.

[Joe O'Brien (Alternate label for Joe)]

Here, I got an idea. Pass your cup, Mary.

[Mary Jones (Saleswoman)]

Okay.

[J.P. Merrick / Tom Higgins (same actor, main character)]

Here, here. What are you doing with that wine?

[Joe O'Brien (Alternate label for Joe)]

I'm gonna mix it with 7up. Maybe it'll kill the taste. Oh, here, Mary, try this.

[J.P. Merrick / Tom Higgins (same actor, main character)]

Listen, you. That wine is that.

[Joe O'Brien (Alternate label for Joe)]

How is it, Mary?

[Mary Jones (Saleswoman)]

Oh, no, it's off.

[Joe O'Brien (Alternate label for Joe)]

I guess you just can't save it, Tom.

[Mary Jones (Saleswoman)]

Oh, it's a shame, really. It's too bad we had to ruin the bottle of 7Up too. Well, pour it out, Tom. It might make you sick.

[J.P. Merrick / Tom Higgins (same actor, main character)]

Yeah, I am sick. Wine experts.

[Joe O'Brien (Alternate label for Joe)]

Well, I'm going for a swim. How about it, Tom?

[J.P. Merrick / Tom Higgins (same actor, main character)]

No, no. No, thanks.

[Mary Jones (Saleswoman)]

Now, don't show off and swim way out, Joe. Nobody will be watching you.

[Joe O'Brien (Alternate label for Joe)]

Just you. Honey.

[Mary Jones (Saleswoman)]

Don't forget to come back.

[J.P. Merrick / Tom Higgins (same actor, main character)]

Don't worry. Nothing will happen to him.

[Mary Jones (Saleswoman)]

Well, he's a pretty good swimmer. He's pretty good at everything.

[J.P. Merrick / Tom Higgins (same actor, main character)]

You couldn't be prejudiced.

[Mary Jones (Saleswoman)]

Maybe.

[J.P. Merrick / Tom Higgins (same actor, main character)]

Isn't it possible you're reading virtues into him that don't exist?

[Mary Jones (Saleswoman)]

Don't you like him?

[J.P. Merrick / Tom Higgins (same actor, main character)]

What makes you say that?

[Mary Jones (Saleswoman)]

Well, I was watching you in the bus coming down. I thought you were making faces at him.

[J.P. Merrick / Tom Higgins (same actor, main character)]

My feet were hurting me.

[Mary Jones (Saleswoman)]

But you're not really crazy about him, are you?

[J.P. Merrick / Tom Higgins (same actor, main character)]

No. Are you?

[Mary Jones (Saleswoman)]

Oh, sure. I think he's marvelous.

[J.P. Merrick / Tom Higgins (same actor, main character)]

I don't think you're any judge.

[Mary Jones (Saleswoman)]

Well, who's a better one?

[J.P. Merrick / Tom Higgins (same actor, main character)]

Any outsider? Me, for instance. Now look around there. There's a couple over there. They think they were made for each other. He's biting her ear. Now she's biting his ear. Very touching.

[Mary Jones (Saleswoman)]

Well, I think so.

[J.P. Merrick / Tom Higgins (same actor, main character)]

They found each other, haven't they? Out of this whole wide world, these two were lucky enough to come together. But don't you think that if she hadn't met him, there wouldn't be someone else biting her ear now? And don't you think he wouldn't be at some other girl's ear trying to?

[Joe O'Brien (Employee/Union Leader)]

Maybe.

[Mary Jones (Saleswoman)]

But it doesn't prove anything. Look, scientists can write all the books they like about love being a trap of nature. But the only ones the scientists are going to convince are other scientists, not women in love. Oh, I don't say Joe's the greatest guy that ever lived, but. But you see, I'm not the greatest girl in the world either. You know, I wouldn't be surprised if the greatest love affair in the whole world was between a funny looking guy and a girl who's missing two front teeth. I mean, if they feel it, they feel it.

[J.P. Merrick / Tom Higgins (same actor, main character)]

Do you?

[Mary Jones (Saleswoman)]

Oh, well, not in the way you see in the movies or hearing those songs. You know, the touch of your hand who set me on fire? I guess I'm not the combustible type. We get along just average, I guess, but. Well, I know if I'd never see him again.

[J.P. Merrick / Tom Higgins (same actor, main character)]

Yes.

[Mary Jones (Saleswoman)]

Well, I never even thought of what it would be like not to see him anymore. I guess that's a test of it. If I thought I'd never see him again, I don't think I'd care if I lived or died.

[Joe O'Brien (Alternate label for Joe)]

Hey, Mary.

[Joe O'Brien (Employee/Union Leader)]

Hmm?

[Joe O'Brien (Alternate label for Joe)]

Want another swim? It's getting pretty late. Maybe we better wake Tom up and go home.

[Mary Jones (Saleswoman)]

Oh, let's let him sleep a little longer. He must be awfully tired.

[Joe O'Brien (Alternate label for Joe)]

Say, have you watched what he's been eating? He acts like a guy that's just discovered his stomach. I didn't think a goat could put that stuff away.

[Mary Jones (Saleswoman)]

Oh, Joe, I feel sorry for him. Do you know he's never been married?

[Joe O'Brien (Alternate label for Joe)]

So?

[Mary Jones (Saleswoman)]

So it's a shame. Oh, he must be very lonely. You know, if you haven't got someone that really cares for you, you're all alone. You're one person against the world. Unless you have someone, then it's only half as hard. At least you're two against the world.

[Joe O'Brien (Alternate label for Joe)]

So you both starve together instead of starving alone.

[Mary Jones (Saleswoman)]

Oh, now, Joe, don't let yourself get depressed.

[Joe O'Brien (Alternate label for Joe)]

Oh, it's all over, Mary. We've lost.

[Child (Sally)]

What do you mean?

[Joe O'Brien (Alternate label for Joe)]

We've lost 400 names out of 2,500 employees. And how can you blame them? Blacklists, door detectives. I don't see how we got the 400.

[Mary Jones (Saleswoman)]

Well, maybe if you gave it more time, Joe.

[SpinQuest Legal Disclaimer]

Time?

[Joe O'Brien (Alternate label for Joe)]

We've had a year already. Oh, it's no go, Mary. I know it. Let the poor suckers who are working at least keep their jobs.

[Mary Jones (Saleswoman)]

Joe, if you could only reach all of them.

[Brian Ahern (Guest Producer/Narrator)]

Yeah, if.

[Union Organizer / Employee]

If.

[J.P. Merrick / Tom Higgins (same actor, main character)]

Sure.

[Joe O'Brien (Alternate label for Joe)]

Mary, I want to talk to you. I meant to do it when I brought you home, but I guess now's as good a time as any. I can't get a job in New York, Mary. I. I can't see you anymore for a while.

[Mary Jones (Saleswoman)]

What do you mean?

[Joe O'Brien (Alternate label for Joe)]

I can't take up your time anymore?

[Mary Jones (Saleswoman)]

Is that what you call our relationship, taking up my time?

[Joe O'Brien (Alternate label for Joe)]

Well, I haven't. I haven't got the right to take up your time is what I'm trying to tell you.

[Mary Jones (Saleswoman)]

Well, I think you might ask my opinion about that. What are your plans, Jo? What do you want to do? Go out of town? I'll go with you. That's not such a terrible thing to ask.

[Joe O'Brien (Alternate label for Joe)]

Oh, marry you?

[Mary Jones (Saleswoman)]

But I'd love to, if you want me. Oh, joy, I wish you'd marry me just like it is. I'm not afraid.

[Joe O'Brien (Alternate label for Joe)]

No, women are never afraid. How long do you think you'd be in love with me, living off your salary?

[Mary Jones (Saleswoman)]

Well. Well, that's nothing to be ashamed of if you can't help it.

[Joe O'Brien (Alternate label for Joe)]

Not to you, but it is to me. I can't be in love under those conditions. And I couldn't go away obligating you to wait for me.

[Mary Jones (Saleswoman)]

Well, that's. That's very considerate of you.

[Joe O'Brien (Alternate label for Joe)]

At least, maybe. I hope you'll wait for me. You're young and attractive. You got a whole life ahead of you. Go out and meet people, have a good time. Who knows, you might get interested in somebody wonderful.

[Mary Jones (Saleswoman)]

Yeah, that's just what someone was telling me recently. That's what nature does, let you get interested in other people. Well. Well, then I don't promise to wait for you if that'll make you happy. But you're nothing but a coward.

[Narrator/Announcer]

What?

[Joe O'Brien (Employee/Union Leader)]

Sure.

[Mary Jones (Saleswoman)]

For all your courage, you can't even face life. You're afraid to get married because you might not be able to get a job.

[Joe O'Brien (Alternate label for Joe)]

It's not me I'm worrying about. I'm not gonna get locked up in a hall bedroom watching you iron my shirts. And nobody's gonna make me.

[Joe O'Brien (Employee/Union Leader)]

Oh, nobody's going to make you do anything. Go on. Go out of town. Go any place you like.

[Mr. Allison (General Manager)]

Oh, Mary.

[Union Organizer / Employee]

Now, you.

[Joe O'Brien (Employee/Union Leader)]

Right now. You can go on home.

[Child (Sally)]

Go on.

[Joe O'Brien (Employee/Union Leader)]

Unless you're afraid of the dark.

[Mary Jones (Saleswoman)]

You get off pretty soon now, don't you, Tom?

[J.P. Merrick / Tom Higgins (same actor, main character)]

Yeah. Oh, yes. But maybe I'd better see that you get home all right.

[Mary Jones (Saleswoman)]

Oh, don't bother about me. Anyway, that was Joe's job.

[J.P. Merrick / Tom Higgins (same actor, main character)]

I. I'm sorry. I had a fight.

[Mary Jones (Saleswoman)]

How did you know?

[J.P. Merrick / Tom Higgins (same actor, main character)]

Well, I. I wasn't asleep all the time. Oh, it's going to turn out all right. I've got a seventh sense.

[Mary Jones (Saleswoman)]

You mean a sixth sense.

[J.P. Merrick / Tom Higgins (same actor, main character)]

No, I'm very unusual. I've got a sixth and a seventh.

[Mary Jones (Saleswoman)]

Oh, Tom, you really shouldn't drink, you know. It's not good for you.

[J.P. Merrick / Tom Higgins (same actor, main character)]

You can't get drunk on what I drank wine and 7 up.

[Mary Jones (Saleswoman)]

Tom, you're swelling. I like you.

[J.P. Merrick / Tom Higgins (same actor, main character)]

You do, eh? Well, that's fine. But I wonder if you'd like the real me.

[Mary Jones (Saleswoman)]

Now, don't tell me you've got hidden depths.

[J.P. Merrick / Tom Higgins (same actor, main character)]

Well, a man may not be everything he appears to be on the surface. You know what do you mean nothing?

[Narrator/Announcer]

72nd Street.

[J.P. Merrick / Tom Higgins (same actor, main character)]

Next 70 seconds. Well, here's my stop.

[Mary Jones (Saleswoman)]

So long, Tom.

[J.P. Merrick / Tom Higgins (same actor, main character)]

So long.

[Mary Jones (Saleswoman)]

Look, now, you be careful going down those steps. I will see you in the store.

[J.P. Merrick / Tom Higgins (same actor, main character)]

Yes, see you in the store. Getting off, getting off. Step lively, please. Take your time, son.

[Child (Sally)]

Tom.

[Joe O'Brien (Employee/Union Leader)]

Tom, you dropped something.

[J.P. Merrick / Tom Higgins (same actor, main character)]

Bye, Mary.

[Joe O'Brien (Employee/Union Leader)]

Listen, you dropped some papers out of your pocket. They're here on the seat.

[J.P. Merrick / Tom Higgins (same actor, main character)]

What?

[Joe O'Brien (Employee/Union Leader)]

Some papers, cards and things.

[J.P. Merrick / Tom Higgins (same actor, main character)]

What?

[Store Employee / Security]

Come on, step lively.

[Joe O'Brien (Employee/Union Leader)]

I'll keep them for you, Tom.

[Store Employee / Security]

Keep what?

[Joe O'Brien (Employee/Union Leader)]

The cards.

[Store Employee / Security]

What? Let's go. Let's go.

[Joe O'Brien (Employee/Union Leader)]

Never mind. See you in the store.

[J.P. Merrick / Tom Higgins (same actor, main character)]

Bye.

[Joe O'Brien (Employee/Union Leader)]

Bye.

[Mary Jones (Saleswoman)]

To whom it may concern, Thomas Higgins is employed in a confident, confidential capacity. Is accountable only to me. Arthur W. Davis, personnel head, Neely's Department. Confidential, confidential capacity.

[Joe O'Brien (Employee/Union Leader)]

Hello? Hello. Is this you, Joe?

[Mary Jones (Saleswoman)]

This is Mary. Listen, Joe, I've got to see you. Yes, tonight.

[Joe O'Brien (Employee/Union Leader)]

Right now.

[Mary Jones (Saleswoman)]

It's very important. Joe, listen, we're in terrible trouble.

[Joe O'Brien (Employee/Union Leader)]

Just terrible. Joe.

[Narrator/Announcer]

In just a moment, Brian Ahern and our stars will return with Act 3 of the Devil and Ms. Jones. And now it's Mrs. Abbott's kitchen. And here's Mrs. Abbott, engaged in a rather messy job there.

[Mrs. Abbott]

I guess there's not a scrap of fat left in that roasting pan. Hand me that tin can, sue, will you? The one on the back of the stove.

[Mary Jones (Saleswoman)]

Honestly, Jean, do you have to carry saving fats that far? That grease is all burnt and black.

[Mrs. Abbott]

Makes no difference. The fat is just as valuable. And now that we have less used fat left over from cooking, I've got to save all the harder.

[Mary Jones (Saleswoman)]

You take it seriously, don't you, Jean? I've noticed since I've been visiting you how religiously you scrape every drop into that tin can.

[Mrs. Abbott]

Sue, remember that old saying, the little more and how much it is? Well, if all the women would remember that whenever they throw away a drop of used grease, the government wouldn't be so hard up for fats. Besides, from a selfish point of view, I get two red ration points for every pound I save.

[Mary Jones (Saleswoman)]

What are all these fats used for, Sue?

[Mrs. Abbott]

There are literally thousands of uses. And with so much of our supply in the Far east still cut off, we Americans have to help make it up. Look, here's what our used fats help to make. Munitions. Tons of them. Medicines? All kinds, Especially insulin, tannic acid and the sulfur drugs. You know, they use those to treat shock, burns and wounds. Then there's synthetic rubber. And, sue, think of all the needs for fats on the home front. Lubricants used in war plants, plastics Paints, textiles and soap.

[Mary Jones (Saleswoman)]

My goodness, I never realized how important this fat salvage thing really is.

[Mrs. Abbott]

Oh, those are just a few uses for our used fats. Now you see why I save every single drop.

[Narrator/Announcer]

Remember, for every pound of used fat you turn in, your grocer will give you 4 cents and 2 red ration points more than ever. Under the new rationing requirements, you need those extra points more than ever. Your government needs every drop of your used kitchen fats. So won't you keep on remembering the little more and how much it is? And now Brian Ahern returns to the microphone.

[Brian Ahern (Guest Producer/Narrator)]

After the play, we'll bring our stars to the footlights for their curtain calls. And now, here's the third act of the Devil and Ms. Jones. Starring Frank Morgan as Merrick alias Tom Higgins, Linda Darnell as Mary and Gordon Oliver as Joe.

[Mary Jones (Saleswoman)]

Hey, everybody.

[Lady Luck (SpinQuest Promoter)]

Lady luck here. And we're celebrating America's 250th birthday. Now, all summer long, I'm gonna be celebrating by playing on stage spinquest.com which is an American owned social casino. It obviously features over a thousand slot games and live blackjack, live craps, live bubble craps. Head on over to spinquest.com. get yourself a $30 coin pack for just 10 bucks.

[SpinQuest Legal Disclaimer]

Spin Quest is a free to play social casino void where prohibited. Visit spinquest.com for more details.

[Brian Ahern (Guest Producer/Narrator)]

Mary has discovered that Thomas Higgins is a spy for department store. Her argument with Jo is forgotten now, and in her mind is a single thought to protect her friends. It's late at night when Joe arrives at her apartment.

[Joe O'Brien (Alternate label for Joe)]

Well, what's it all about?

[Mary Jones (Saleswoman)]

Joe, do you remember that list of names? The 400 employees?

[J.P. Merrick / Tom Higgins (same actor, main character)]

Sure.

[Mary Jones (Saleswoman)]

Well, where is it? Have you got it?

[Joe O'Brien (Alternate label for Joe)]

No, I gave it to Higgin.

[Joe O'Brien (Employee/Union Leader)]

You gave it?

[Mary Jones (Saleswoman)]

Oh, when?

[Joe O'Brien (Alternate label for Joe)]

Down at the beach. I had it there checking it off. When I went in for a swim. I stuck it under Higgin's towel.

[Mary Jones (Saleswoman)]

Oh, Joe.

[Joe O'Brien (Alternate label for Joe)]

So maybe you can get it from him tomorrow.

[Mary Jones (Saleswoman)]

Tomorrow's too late. Higgins is a spy for the store.

[Joe O'Brien (Alternate label for Joe)]

Higgins is. You're crazy.

[Joe O'Brien (Employee/Union Leader)]

I am not.

[Mary Jones (Saleswoman)]

Look at this card. Thomas Higgins is employed in a confidential capacity and is accountable only to me. Arthur W. Davis, personnel head.

[Joe O'Brien (Alternate label for Joe)]

Let me see that.

[Mary Jones (Saleswoman)]

There's no mistake.

[Joe O'Brien (Alternate label for Joe)]

He's got all those names. Where does he live? I'll get that list back tonight.

[Mary Jones (Saleswoman)]

I don't know. He got off the bus at 72nd Street.

[Joe O'Brien (Alternate label for Joe)]

Oh, that's no help. Listen, tomorrow you get him in the stockroom. I'll get that list now.

[Mary Jones (Saleswoman)]

How are you going to get in the store?

[Joe O'Brien (Alternate label for Joe)]

Don't worry how I get in the store. You get him in the stock room, see, and I'll join you. I'll get that list if I have to hit him over the head.

[Mr. Hooper (Section Manager)]

Well, well. Good morning, Mr. Higgins.

[J.P. Merrick / Tom Higgins (same actor, main character)]

Good morning, Mr. Hooper.

[Mr. Hooper (Section Manager)]

10 o'. Clock. We're a little late this morning, aren't we?

[J.P. Merrick / Tom Higgins (same actor, main character)]

Oh, did you come late, too?

[Mr. Hooper (Section Manager)]

You are a little late this morning.

[J.P. Merrick / Tom Higgins (same actor, main character)]

Yes, I am.

[Mr. Hooper (Section Manager)]

And why, may I ask?

[J.P. Merrick / Tom Higgins (same actor, main character)]

Because I overslept. I was tired.

[Mr. Hooper (Section Manager)]

My, that's a novel excuse.

[J.P. Merrick / Tom Higgins (same actor, main character)]

Well, it's true, Higgins.

[Mr. Hooper (Section Manager)]

I don't like your tone of voice.

[J.P. Merrick / Tom Higgins (same actor, main character)]

Hooper, I don't like yours either.

[Mr. Hooper (Section Manager)]

Who do you think you're talking to?

[J.P. Merrick / Tom Higgins (same actor, main character)]

Just another employee of the store, that's all. And a darn poor one at that.

[Mr. Hooper (Section Manager)]

You know what's gonna happen to you? You're gonna be fired.

[J.P. Merrick / Tom Higgins (same actor, main character)]

I'm gonna be fired? Yes. Let me tell you something. You're going to be fired. How do you like that?

[Mary Jones (Saleswoman)]

Oh, Mr. Hooper.

[Mr. Hooper (Section Manager)]

Yes, what is it?

[Mary Jones (Saleswoman)]

These shoes came back this morning.

[Mr. Hooper (Section Manager)]

What shoes?

[Mary Jones (Saleswoman)]

5 Pair of high tops. It was your sale, wasn't it?

[J.P. Merrick / Tom Higgins (same actor, main character)]

Give me my $10.

[Mr. Hooper (Section Manager)]

Hooper, take those shoes to the desk. I'll attend to it later.

[J.P. Merrick / Tom Higgins (same actor, main character)]

Hey, where's my money? You owe me $10.

[Mr. Hooper (Section Manager)]

You get back to your work.

[J.P. Merrick / Tom Higgins (same actor, main character)]

Crook. Man's a crook.

[Mary Jones (Saleswoman)]

Oh, Mr. Higgins, may I see you a minute?

[J.P. Merrick / Tom Higgins (same actor, main character)]

Oh, good morning, Mary. Say, what were you yelling at me last night on the bus?

[Mary Jones (Saleswoman)]

Oh, it wasn't very important. Mr. Higgins, would you be kind enough to assist me in the stock room?

[J.P. Merrick / Tom Higgins (same actor, main character)]

Well, certainly. What's this Mr. Higgins business?

[Mary Jones (Saleswoman)]

Right over this way, please.

[Joe O'Brien (Employee/Union Leader)]

It won't take very long.

[J.P. Merrick / Tom Higgins (same actor, main character)]

Well, what happens now?

[Mary Jones (Saleswoman)]

Well, you see all these boxes? There are shoes in them.

[J.P. Merrick / Tom Higgins (same actor, main character)]

I figured that out the first day I got here.

[Mary Jones (Saleswoman)]

Yes, well, there's been a lot of trouble in here lately. There should be a right shoe and a left shoe in each of these boxes. And, well, lately there's been a right shoe with a right shoe. And there ought to be a left shoe with a left shoe.

[J.P. Merrick / Tom Higgins (same actor, main character)]

What's that again?

[Mary Jones (Saleswoman)]

Well, look, you just open every box and see that there's a right shoe and a left shoe in it.

[J.P. Merrick / Tom Higgins (same actor, main character)]

Every box? All of them?

[Mary Jones (Saleswoman)]

Yes. Now, you better start at the top of the ladder and work down.

[J.P. Merrick / Tom Higgins (same actor, main character)]

What are you gonna do?

[Mary Jones (Saleswoman)]

Well, I'll just wait.

[J.P. Merrick / Tom Higgins (same actor, main character)]

What for?

[Mary Jones (Saleswoman)]

Well, till you finish.

[J.P. Merrick / Tom Higgins (same actor, main character)]

Oh, well, here I go. I'll be down Saturday. Personally, I think this whole thing is a waste of time.

[Joe O'Brien (Employee/Union Leader)]

Oh, no.

[Child (Sally)]

I mean.

[Joe O'Brien (Employee/Union Leader)]

Well, after all, you can't sell people

[Mary Jones (Saleswoman)]

two left shoes, can you?

[J.P. Merrick / Tom Higgins (same actor, main character)]

Say, what Are you so jumpy about anyway?

[Mary Jones (Saleswoman)]

Jumpy? Who's jumpy?

[Mrs. Abbott]

Me.

[J.P. Merrick / Tom Higgins (same actor, main character)]

Well, there's only two of us in here.

[Joe O'Brien (Alternate label for Joe)]

No, there isn't. There's three now.

[Mary Jones (Saleswoman)]

Oh, Joe.

[J.P. Merrick / Tom Higgins (same actor, main character)]

Hello, Joe.

[Joe O'Brien (Alternate label for Joe)]

All right, Higgins, let's have that list.

[J.P. Merrick / Tom Higgins (same actor, main character)]

What list?

[Joe O'Brien (Alternate label for Joe)]

You know what, Liz? That list of names I wanted.

[J.P. Merrick / Tom Higgins (same actor, main character)]

Oh, that list.

[Joe O'Brien (Alternate label for Joe)]

Come on, hand it over.

[J.P. Merrick / Tom Higgins (same actor, main character)]

Do you want to come up here, or do I have to come down there?

[Joe O'Brien (Alternate label for Joe)]

Now, listen, Higgins, I'm not going to stand for any funny business.

[Mary Jones (Saleswoman)]

Joe, not so loud.

[J.P. Merrick / Tom Higgins (same actor, main character)]

What's the matter with everyone?

[Union Organizer / Employee]

We know you, Higgins. You're a spy.

[Joe O'Brien (Alternate label for Joe)]

Now, give me that list.

[Store Employee / Security]

Come on. Okay, Joe, let's go.

[Union Organizer / Employee]

Take your hands off.

[Store Employee / Security]

Get him around the neck, Eddie. I got him.

[Joe O'Brien (Employee/Union Leader)]

Alone?

[Store Employee / Security]

Are you going to come peaceful?

[J.P. Merrick / Tom Higgins (same actor, main character)]

What is all this?

[Store Employee / Security]

Come on. Come on. I got him. Listen.

[Joe O'Brien (Employee/Union Leader)]

Get away from this ladder.

[J.P. Merrick / Tom Higgins (same actor, main character)]

You want to knock me off here? Get away from the ladder.

[Store Employee / Security]

Come on. Come on, you.

[J.P. Merrick / Tom Higgins (same actor, main character)]

Wait a minute. The ladder's shaking. If you don't stop this.

[Store Employee / Security]

Stop.

[J.P. Merrick / Tom Higgins (same actor, main character)]

I can't hold on up here. I'm going to slip.

[Store Shopper]

Look out.

[Joe O'Brien (Employee/Union Leader)]

Look out.

[Child (Sally)]

Oh.

[Joe O'Brien (Employee/Union Leader)]

Oh. He fell down. You knocked him off the ladder.

[Mary Jones (Saleswoman)]

Oh, Tom.

[Joe O'Brien (Employee/Union Leader)]

Tom, speak to me.

[Store Employee / Security]

Hold on to this guy, Eddie. I got him. All right, now, Pop. Come on. Open your eyes.

[Joe O'Brien (Employee/Union Leader)]

Oh, Tom, please. Please, Tom, dear.

[Mr. Allison (General Manager)]

Oh,

[J.P. Merrick / Tom Higgins (same actor, main character)]

what happened?

[Joe O'Brien (Employee/Union Leader)]

Oh, Tom.

[Mary Jones (Saleswoman)]

Tom, you all right?

[Store Employee / Security]

Sure, he's all right. Just drunk, that's all.

[Joe O'Brien (Employee/Union Leader)]

He is not drunk. You knocked him off the ladder.

[Store Employee / Security]

Don't be silly. I leave it to you, Eddie. What do you say? Definitely pie. Everybody knows he's a heavy drinker.

[Mary Jones (Saleswoman)]

Listen, you can't get away with this.

[Joe O'Brien (Employee/Union Leader)]

You too.

[Store Employee / Security]

Come on. Come on, all of you. Hey, get this guy in his feet. Up you go, Pop.

[J.P. Merrick / Tom Higgins (same actor, main character)]

Oh,

[Joe O'Brien (Alternate label for Joe)]

you must feel pretty good, Higgins. You'll probably get a raise after they fire all these poor people. You. You Benedict Arnold in children's shoes.

[J.P. Merrick / Tom Higgins (same actor, main character)]

I'll show you who's a Benedict Arnold in children's shoes. You watch. I demand to be taken to the manager.

[Store Employee / Security]

Brother, you must be a mind reader. Cause that's just where you're going.

[J.P. Merrick / Tom Higgins (same actor, main character)]

Furthermore, I have not been drinking. And if you weren't such a fool, you could see that for yourself.

[Mr. Allison (General Manager)]

Just a moment, Higgins.

[J.P. Merrick / Tom Higgins (same actor, main character)]

Who do you think you're talking to? I'm Talking to you, Mr. Allison. Fine manager you are. Can't you understand that dealing with people the way you do is the reason for this civil war around here? I've worked with these people. They have rights.

[Mr. Allison (General Manager)]

Really?

[J.P. Merrick / Tom Higgins (same actor, main character)]

Yes.

[Mr. Allison (General Manager)]

And what would you suggest?

[J.P. Merrick / Tom Higgins (same actor, main character)]

I suggest that you get a different job if you can't get the confidence of your employees, you bumble witted idiot.

[Mary Jones (Saleswoman)]

Oh, Tom, Tom, this is wonderful what you're doing, and you'll never regret it. Let them fire you. As long as there's a breath in my body, you'll never go hungry.

[Mr. Allison (General Manager)]

Calling me names isn't the solution. I'd like nothing better than to get the confidence of my employees. But who can I talk to? Who represents enough of these people?

[Mary Jones (Saleswoman)]

Mr. Allison, would you consider 400 enough?

[J.P. Merrick / Tom Higgins (same actor, main character)]

Yes, I would.

[Mary Jones (Saleswoman)]

There's our representative, Joe O'. Brien.

[Mr. Allison (General Manager)]

All right. Where are your 400 names, Mr. O'?

[J.P. Merrick / Tom Higgins (same actor, main character)]

Brien?

[Thomas Higgins (Detective alias)]

Yeah.

[Joe O'Brien (Alternate label for Joe)]

There's the catch. He wants the names. Well, you're not going to get there.

[Mr. Allison (General Manager)]

You see, my hands are tied.

[Joe O'Brien (Employee/Union Leader)]

Wait.

[Mary Jones (Saleswoman)]

This isn't a trick, is it?

[Mr. Allison (General Manager)]

Do I look like I'm lying to you?

[Mary Jones (Saleswoman)]

Well, no, you don't.

[Joe O'Brien (Alternate label for Joe)]

Mary, you can't give him those names.

[Mary Jones (Saleswoman)]

Listen, if there is a right way, Joe, this is it. We're not being fair to him. I mean, if we want him to trust us, we've got to trust him.

[Joe O'Brien (Alternate label for Joe)]

Well, I'm against it.

[Mary Jones (Saleswoman)]

I'm taking a big chance, too. Joe, if this doesn't work out. Let me try.

[Joe O'Brien (Alternate label for Joe)]

All right, honey, go ahead.

[Mary Jones (Saleswoman)]

Tom, have you got that list of names?

[J.P. Merrick / Tom Higgins (same actor, main character)]

Yes, I have.

[Mary Jones (Saleswoman)]

Give it to Mr. Allison, please.

[J.P. Merrick / Tom Higgins (same actor, main character)]

Very well. Mr. Allison, it's going to be terrible if you fool these two young people.

[Mr. Allison (General Manager)]

Let me have the list, please.

[J.P. Merrick / Tom Higgins (same actor, main character)]

Yeah. Here you are.

[Mr. Hooper (Section Manager)]

Thank you.

[J.P. Merrick / Tom Higgins (same actor, main character)]

You old fool.

[Mr. Allison (General Manager)]

How dare you come into my office and talk to me like you did. I can outwit morons like you every day of the week and twice on Sundays. Which is why I sit behind the desk while you stand in front of it.

[Joe O'Brien (Alternate label for Joe)]

What are you going to do?

[Mr. Allison (General Manager)]

I'm going to fire everybody whose name is on this list.

[J.P. Merrick / Tom Higgins (same actor, main character)]

Give me back that paper.

[Mr. Allison (General Manager)]

Get away.

[J.P. Merrick / Tom Higgins (same actor, main character)]

I'll take care of this guy.

[Union Organizer / Employee]

Grab the list, Mary.

[Store Employee / Security]

Stop it.

[Mr. Allison (General Manager)]

Stop it, I say. Milligan.

[Store Employee / Security]

Eddie.

[Joe O'Brien (Employee/Union Leader)]

I've got the list, Joe.

[Financial Advisor 1]

Get rid of it.

[Union Organizer / Employee]

Get rid of it.

[Mary Jones (Saleswoman)]

Here, Tom, eat this paper.

[Store Employee / Security]

What?

[Joe O'Brien (Employee/Union Leader)]

Chew it. Eat it.

[Mary Jones (Saleswoman)]

Eat the paper.

[J.P. Merrick / Tom Higgins (same actor, main character)]

Listen, I've got a weak stomach.

[Joe O'Brien (Employee/Union Leader)]

Well, here, then I'll help you. You eat this part, and I'll eat the rest.

[J.P. Merrick / Tom Higgins (same actor, main character)]

Very well. Let's have my port.

[Mr. Hooper (Section Manager)]

Milligan.

[Joe O'Brien (Employee/Union Leader)]

Eddie.

[Union Organizer / Employee]

Mary, lock the door.

[Joe O'Brien (Employee/Union Leader)]

I'm eating the pepper.

[Union Organizer / Employee]

Lock the door. Don't let it.

[J.P. Merrick / Tom Higgins (same actor, main character)]

All right, Joe, you can let them up now.

[Joe O'Brien (Alternate label for Joe)]

Okay, Mr. Allison, where's.

[Mr. Allison (General Manager)]

Where's that list of names? I demand that you give them to me.

[Mr. Hooper (Section Manager)]

Higgins.

[Mr. Allison (General Manager)]

Where is it?

[Store Employee / Security]

I'M eating it. What?

[J.P. Merrick / Tom Higgins (same actor, main character)]

I'm eating it.

[Mr. Allison (General Manager)]

Very well, Higgins.

[Store Employee / Security]

You're fired. Get out.

[J.P. Merrick / Tom Higgins (same actor, main character)]

I'll get out when I finish eating this paper, not before. What are you going to do about it?

[Mr. Allison (General Manager)]

You tell me the name of everybody on that list, or I'll fire the entire fifth floor as a starter.

[Joe O'Brien (Employee/Union Leader)]

What?

[J.P. Merrick / Tom Higgins (same actor, main character)]

Boy, that's not fair. Many people on the fifth floor had nothing to do with this. You can't do that.

[Mr. Allison (General Manager)]

Every name are out. They all go. Every one of them. Ms. Colt, make out discharge slips for everybody on the fifth floor.

[Store Shopper]

Yes, sir.

[Mr. Allison (General Manager)]

Bring them to me and I'll sign them.

[Mary Jones (Saleswoman)]

Yes, sir.

[Mr. Hooper (Section Manager)]

Well, now, what do you think?

[J.P. Merrick / Tom Higgins (same actor, main character)]

That, Mr. Allison, was the lowest trick I ever heard of.

[Mary Jones (Saleswoman)]

Oh, Tom. Tom, don't argue with him. Joe, hand me that microphone, the one for the public address, sir.

[Mr. Allison (General Manager)]

Get away from that.

[Joe O'Brien (Employee/Union Leader)]

Give it to me, Tom.

[Mary Jones (Saleswoman)]

I'll speak to the fifth floor. I'll speak to the whole Neely Department Store.

[Joe O'Brien (Employee/Union Leader)]

Hello, everybody. Listen.

[Mr. Allison (General Manager)]

Give me that microphone.

[Union Organizer / Employee]

Sit down, you.

[Joe O'Brien (Employee/Union Leader)]

Listen, everybody.

[Store Employee / Security]

No, stop it. Shut up.

[Joe O'Brien (Employee/Union Leader)]

Come to the loudspeaker.

[Progressive Insurance Announcer]

Let go.

[Mr. Allison (General Manager)]

Me Let go?

[Union Organizer / Employee]

You sit there and keep your mouth closed. Tell him, Mary.

[Thomas Higgins (Detective alias)]

Tell him.

[Joe O'Brien (Employee/Union Leader)]

Listen, employees, come out to Bryant park and don't be afraid. Come out. Now we've got a lick. Come out to Bryant Park. Drop what you're doing.

[Store Employee / Security]

No, no, don't listen to us. Go ahead, Mar.

[Joe O'Brien (Employee/Union Leader)]

Leave what you're doing. Everybody together. Out to Bryant park and don't be afraid. If we all walk out at once, we've got a lick.

[Store Employee / Security]

That's right.

[J.P. Merrick / Tom Higgins (same actor, main character)]

Everybody out to Brian Park.

[Store Employee / Security]

Hooray.

[Store Shopper]

And.

[Joe O'Brien (Employee/Union Leader)]

And listen. Everybody picket the home of J.P. merrick. That's right.

[Store Employee / Security]

Pick it.

[Joe O'Brien (Employee/Union Leader)]

No, no.

[Union Organizer / Employee]

Wait a minute.

[Store Shopper]

You can't.

[Union Organizer / Employee]

I don't want to.

[Mr. Hooper (Section Manager)]

Oh,

[George (Butler)]

Mr. Merrick, sir.

[J.P. Merrick / Tom Higgins (same actor, main character)]

Yes, George?

[George (Butler)]

The gentlemen are here, sir.

[J.P. Merrick / Tom Higgins (same actor, main character)]

My brilliant advisors. As usual, their advice is a little late. Look at that crowd outside the house, George. You know what they're doing?

[George (Butler)]

I believe they're picketing you, sir.

[J.P. Merrick / Tom Higgins (same actor, main character)]

Yes. I never thought it would end this way.

[George (Butler)]

I don't think you've seen the worst, sir. They've got the dummy with them.

[J.P. Merrick / Tom Higgins (same actor, main character)]

You mean with the horns and the teeth? Tail, sir. Yeah. Well, send in the brain trust, George.

[George (Butler)]

Yes, sir.

[J.P. Merrick / Tom Higgins (same actor, main character)]

And then go outside in that crowd and ask for a young fellow by the name of Joe o' Brien and a girl named Mary Jones. Bring him back here with you.

[George (Butler)]

In here, sir.

[J.P. Merrick / Tom Higgins (same actor, main character)]

In here, George.

[George (Butler)]

Very good, sir. Will you come in, please?

[J.P. Merrick / Tom Higgins (same actor, main character)]

Oh, thank you.

[Financial Advisor 1]

Good evening, J.P. evening, J.P. how are

[J.P. Merrick / Tom Higgins (same actor, main character)]

you, J.P. bad business, J.P. good evening, gentlemen. I see you got safely through the picket line.

[Financial Advisor 1]

Oh, don't let this business excite you.

[J.P. Merrick / Tom Higgins (same actor, main character)]

No, no, no, no. Certainly not. It's only temporary. We'll have it under control.

[Financial Advisor 1]

We're going to call the police at once.

[J.P. Merrick / Tom Higgins (same actor, main character)]

Oh, no, you're not. Nobody's going to call anybody. I've sent for the ringleaders. They'll be here any minute.

[Financial Advisor 1]

You're going to meet them?

[J.P. Merrick / Tom Higgins (same actor, main character)]

Certainly.

[Financial Advisor 1]

JP this is the wrong method.

[J.P. Merrick / Tom Higgins (same actor, main character)]

If you do this, you'll be acting against our advice. I know. That's why I'm doing it.

[George (Butler)]

Mr. O' Brien and Ms. Jones.

[J.P. Merrick / Tom Higgins (same actor, main character)]

Oh, come in, Joe. Come in, Mary.

[Joe O'Brien (Alternate label for Joe)]

Hey, what is this? What are you doing here?

[Mary Jones (Saleswoman)]

Tom, We've been waiting for you outside. How did you arrange it?

[J.P. Merrick / Tom Higgins (same actor, main character)]

Well, it wasn't very difficult. Sit down, Mary. I. I want you to meet the gentlemen who are the real managers of the store. We've. We've been having a little talk.

[Mary Jones (Saleswoman)]

Listen, that. That Butler said Mr. Merrick wanted us.

[J.P. Merrick / Tom Higgins (same actor, main character)]

Yes, Mary. Well, everything in its turn. Shall we begin?

[Financial Advisor 1]

That's right. Let's begin.

[McDonald's Announcer]

Suits me.

[Mary Jones (Saleswoman)]

We're ready.

[Financial Advisor 1]

Above all things, let's remain calm. You know, Mr. O', Brien, you're not in a very good bargaining position.

[Joe O'Brien (Alternate label for Joe)]

Maybe not, but the store's closed.

[Financial Advisor 1]

Well, we're going to open it here.

[J.P. Merrick / Tom Higgins (same actor, main character)]

Now to stop that. We're going to remain calm. Yes, that's right. Let's not raise our voices. Mr. O', Brien, what is your main issue?

[Joe O'Brien (Alternate label for Joe)]

It's not really much of a beef. Just a couple of people like Allison. They were moved out. I think everybody'd be a lot better off.

[Financial Advisor 1]

I suppose you would be a much better manager.

[Joe O'Brien (Alternate label for Joe)]

I think so, yes.

[J.P. Merrick / Tom Higgins (same actor, main character)]

Good. Perhaps the gentleman will let you try.

[Financial Advisor 1]

What's that?

[J.P. Merrick / Tom Higgins (same actor, main character)]

That's the first point you gentlemen will have to give in on.

[Store Employee / Security]

This is fantastic.

[J.P. Merrick / Tom Higgins (same actor, main character)]

Sit down.

[Store Employee / Security]

I protest against this ridiculous. Sit down.

[J.P. Merrick / Tom Higgins (same actor, main character)]

Mr. O', Brien, there are going to be a few changes made in the store. I'm sure that everything will be to your satisfaction and to the satisfaction of all faithful employees. I'm not going into details, but these gentlemen are really very agreeable when you know how to handle them.

[Mary Jones (Saleswoman)]

Why, Tom, I can't believe it. You mean everything settled?

[J.P. Merrick / Tom Higgins (same actor, main character)]

Everything, my dear.

[Mary Jones (Saleswoman)]

Oh, Tom.

[Joe O'Brien (Employee/Union Leader)]

Tom, you're marvelous.

[Mary Jones (Saleswoman)]

Here, let me kiss you.

[Financial Advisor 1]

Madam, have you gone mad?

[J.P. Merrick / Tom Higgins (same actor, main character)]

Let him alone.

[Union Organizer / Employee]

Listen, you.

[Joe O'Brien (Alternate label for Joe)]

If she wants to kiss Higgins, what business is that of yours?

[J.P. Merrick / Tom Higgins (same actor, main character)]

Yes, what business of yours? I'll call the police. Wait. Now, listen.

[Financial Advisor 1]

Come in the other room, sir.

[J.P. Merrick / Tom Higgins (same actor, main character)]

You let Higgins alone.

[Financial Advisor 1]

Come along, Mr. Melik, listen.

[J.P. Merrick / Tom Higgins (same actor, main character)]

Come on, Higgins.

[Mr. Allison (General Manager)]

Let go.

[J.P. Merrick / Tom Higgins (same actor, main character)]

Mr. Mayor, listen to me. Let me along.

[Union Organizer / Employee]

This way, Higgins.

[Store Employee / Security]

Come. Mr. Merrick.

[J.P. Merrick / Tom Higgins (same actor, main character)]

Stop pulling me.

[Joe O'Brien (Employee/Union Leader)]

Wait a minute, Joe.

[McDonald's Announcer]

Stop.

[Joe O'Brien (Employee/Union Leader)]

Stop.

[J.P. Merrick / Tom Higgins (same actor, main character)]

For heaven's sake, Waldron, let me go. Come on, Higgins.

[Financial Advisor 1]

Are you all right, Mr. Higgins?

[Child (Sally)]

Well, what.

[Joe O'Brien (Employee/Union Leader)]

What are you all talking about?

[Mary Jones (Saleswoman)]

Who's Merrick?

[Joe O'Brien (Employee/Union Leader)]

Is everybody crazy around here?

[Financial Advisor 1]

Well, evidently you are, madam, if you don't know.

[J.P. Merrick / Tom Higgins (same actor, main character)]

Jo.

[Financial Advisor 1]

J.P. medic.

[Mary Jones (Saleswoman)]

Hey, everybody.

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[Joe O'Brien (Employee/Union Leader)]

What?

[J.P. Merrick / Tom Higgins (same actor, main character)]

Mary, listen. It's all very simple.

[Joe O'Brien (Employee/Union Leader)]

Oh, you. You.

[Child (Sally)]

Tom.

[Joe O'Brien (Employee/Union Leader)]

You're really.

[J.P. Merrick / Tom Higgins (same actor, main character)]

Tom, I can explain just how it happened. You see.

[Child (Sally)]

JP Merrick.

[Mary Jones (Saleswoman)]

Jp.

[J.P. Merrick / Tom Higgins (same actor, main character)]

Well, I.

[Store Employee / Security]

Cancer. Get some water. Call a doctor. Joe.

[J.P. Merrick / Tom Higgins (same actor, main character)]

Joel, listen to me. You understand, don't you? It's very simple. You see, Joe, I.

[Financial Advisor 1]

We don't.

[J.P. Merrick / Tom Higgins (same actor, main character)]

Joel, get some more water.

[Union Organizer / Employee]

Quick.

[J.P. Merrick / Tom Higgins (same actor, main character)]

Mary, do you feel better now?

[Mary Jones (Saleswoman)]

Oh, I. I guess so. I'm still a little shaky. Where's Joe?

[J.P. Merrick / Tom Higgins (same actor, main character)]

Well, he went outside to speak to the crowd.

[Joe O'Brien (Employee/Union Leader)]

Oh.

[Mary Jones (Saleswoman)]

Is. Is everything still right?

[J.P. Merrick / Tom Higgins (same actor, main character)]

You hear that? That ought to prove it to you.

[Store Shopper]

Oh.

[Joe O'Brien (Employee/Union Leader)]

Oh. Mr. Merrick.

[J.P. Merrick / Tom Higgins (same actor, main character)]

Tom. To my old friend.

[Joe O'Brien (Employee/Union Leader)]

Okay.

[Mary Jones (Saleswoman)]

Tom, come on.

[Union Organizer / Employee]

They want you outside. They're yelling for you.

[J.P. Merrick / Tom Higgins (same actor, main character)]

Yelling for who?

[Joe O'Brien (Alternate label for Joe)]

Well, I told him Tom Higgins settled the whole thing. Thought it was better that way. They're gonna pray down to Bryant park

[Union Organizer / Employee]

and they want you at the head.

[J.P. Merrick / Tom Higgins (same actor, main character)]

Yes, but I, I.

[Store Employee / Security]

Come on.

[Union Organizer / Employee]

Come on.

[Joe O'Brien (Employee/Union Leader)]

Oh, go with him, please, Tom.

[J.P. Merrick / Tom Higgins (same actor, main character)]

Well, very well.

[Joe O'Brien (Alternate label for Joe)]

Let's go this way.

[Union Organizer / Employee]

Tomorrow, fellow employees. Here he is, our own Tom Higgins.

[J.P. Merrick / Tom Higgins (same actor, main character)]

Well, thank you. Thank you, Mr. Higgins.

[Joe O'Brien (Employee/Union Leader)]

Mr. Higgins, we're gonna let you carry

[Mary Jones (Saleswoman)]

it in the parade.

[J.P. Merrick / Tom Higgins (same actor, main character)]

Carry what?

[Joe O'Brien (Employee/Union Leader)]

Bring it over here, Eddie.

[J.P. Merrick / Tom Higgins (same actor, main character)]

What is it? What do I have to carry? Here you are, Mr. Higgins.

[Mr. Hooper (Section Manager)]

It's the dummy of JP Merrick, and it's all yours.

[J.P. Merrick / Tom Higgins (same actor, main character)]

Well, thanks. Ladies and gentlemen, couldn't we just remove the tail?

[Brian Ahern (Guest Producer/Narrator)]

For this entertaining hour? I'm sure we all join in awarding orchids to our three stars. Frank Morgan, Linda Darnell and Gordon Oliver.

[Mary Jones (Saleswoman)]

Thank you, Brian.

[Brian Ahern (Guest Producer/Narrator)]

Well, Frank, as J.P. merrick, I'm glad you finally gave those two delightful employees.

[J.P. Merrick / Tom Higgins (same actor, main character)]

Well, Brian, I have great sympathy for salespeople. You see, I started out on life's path. Bartering bristled blessings for the banishment of women's burdens. Doing what? Selling brushes door to door.

[Joe O'Brien (Alternate label for Joe)]

Frank, you. Yeah, well, how did you do?

[J.P. Merrick / Tom Higgins (same actor, main character)]

Do I have. You know. Young man, I got two orders from the first house I cased. I mean, I called on.

[Mary Jones (Saleswoman)]

You said two orders from one house, Frank.

[J.P. Merrick / Tom Higgins (same actor, main character)]

Yes, one to get out and the other to stay out.

[Mr. Hooper (Section Manager)]

No.

[J.P. Merrick / Tom Higgins (same actor, main character)]

Is that right?

[Mary Jones (Saleswoman)]

Oh, Frank, did you have that mustache when you were selling brushes? Huh?

[J.P. Merrick / Tom Higgins (same actor, main character)]

Mustache? I was a walking billboard for the product.

[Brian Ahern (Guest Producer/Narrator)]

Tell us, Frank, did you have any special way of breaking down a housewife's sales resistance?

[J.P. Merrick / Tom Higgins (same actor, main character)]

Yes, of course. My technique was the Morgan Method. I approached the subject with a full awareness of the psychological subtleties of female nature and applied the metaphysical corrective.

[Joe O'Brien (Alternate label for Joe)]

Just what does that mean?

[J.P. Merrick / Tom Higgins (same actor, main character)]

I wedged my foot in the door.

[Brian Ahern (Guest Producer/Narrator)]

Frank, I've suddenly realized what the perfect career for you is. Selling snake oil at the county fair. I can see you now.

[J.P. Merrick / Tom Higgins (same actor, main character)]

Yeah, you should have seen me then. I mean, in the honorable pursuit of salesmanship, I drank a lot of. I mean, I sold a lot of excellent snake oil. I'll have you know, I made enough money at it, finally to buy my own snake.

[Joe O'Brien (Alternate label for Joe)]

You know, Linda's been something of a salesman for the state of Texas.

[Brian Ahern (Guest Producer/Narrator)]

Yeah, she was the official greeter for her hometown of Dallas during the Pan American Exposition.

[Mary Jones (Saleswoman)]

That's right, Brian. That was just before I came to Hollywood.

[J.P. Merrick / Tom Higgins (same actor, main character)]

Yes, well, with those looks, Linda hardly needs to use the Morgan Method.

[Brian Ahern (Guest Producer/Narrator)]

Oh, no, she's a wonderful ad for her home state with that lovely Texas coloring.

[Mary Jones (Saleswoman)]

Well, if you mean the complexion, Brian, it's half Texas and half luxe toilet soap. I swear by both of them.

[Joe O'Brien (Alternate label for Joe)]

You better watch out. You'll start a rush for Texas.

[Brian Ahern (Guest Producer/Narrator)]

Or a rush to the the stores for Lux Toilet Soap. But as a matter of fact, it's because Lux has so many friends that we can raise this curtain every Monday night. And next Monday night, we're going to reward our listeners with another entertaining treat. A brand new mystery thriller from Republic Studios, Grizzlies Millions, starring Pat o', Brien, Lynn Barry and Elizabeth Risdon. Here's your chance to help solve one of the screen's most baffling murders and to expose yourself to plenty of excitement and suspense, too.

[Mary Jones (Saleswoman)]

Well, Brian, that sounds like a fascinating evening. Good night.

[J.P. Merrick / Tom Higgins (same actor, main character)]

Good night.

[Brian Ahern (Guest Producer/Narrator)]

Good night. Good night and many thanks. Our sponsors, the makers of Lux Toilet Soap, join me in inviting you to be with us again next Monday night when the Lux Radio Theater presents Pat o', Brien, Lynn Barry and Elizabeth Risdon in Grizzly's Million.

[Narrator/Announcer]

For their cooperation in tonight's presentation, we wish to thank RKO Studios, producers of Murder My Sweet. Frank Morgan appeared through the courtesy of Maxwell House Coffee. Linda Darnell will soon appear in the 20th Century Fox 30th anniversary production, Hangover Square. Gordon Oliver can currently be seen in the David O. Selznick production since youe Went Away. Paired in tonight's play were Arthur Cuba, Bryan Griff Barnett, Ferdinand Meunier, Howard McNear, Verna Felton, Ed Emerson, Eddie Marr, Boyd Davis, Norman Field, Charles Seale, Dora Singleton, Norma Nilsen and Lois Corbett. Our music was directed by Louis Silvers. This program is broadcast to our fighting forces overseas through cooperation with the Armed Forces Radio Service. Our Luxe Radio Theater production of the devil and Ms. Jones has come to you with the good wishes of the makers of Luxe Toilet Soap. The beauty care that nine out of 10 Hollywood stars use to help keep their complexions beautifully clear and smooth and as flawless as every woman wants her skin to be. Be part of the coast to coast audience that gathers each week to enjoy this hour of dramatic entertainment with the finest artists of Broadway and Hollywood. This is your announcer, John M. Kennedy, reminding you to tune in again next Monday night to hear Grislay's Million with Pat o', Brien, Lynn Barry and Elizabeth Risdon.

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[SpinQuest Legal Disclaimer]

Spinquest is a free to play social casino. Boyd where prohibited. Visit spinquest.com for more details.

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