Damon Runyon 4x-xx-xx ep03 Romance in the Roaring Forties

Summary

Romance in the Roaring Forties – Detailed Summary

Podcast: Harold's Old Time Radio
Episode: Damon Runyon 4x-xx-xx ep03 Romance in the Roaring Forties
Release Date: August 9, 2025
Host/Author: Harold's Old Time Radio
Description: Dive into the golden era of radio with classic tales before television captivated audiences. This episode features Damon Runyon's humorous and poignant story, "Romance in the Roaring Forties," brought to life by talented voice actors.

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Introduction

"Romance in the Roaring Forties" unfolds within the bustling social scene of the 1600 Club, a popular gathering spot managed by the charming Miss Missouri Motto, affectionately known as Mizzou. The narrative introduces a cast of vivid characters navigating love, jealousy, and intrigue in a pre-television era.

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Setting the Scene

The story commences in the vibrant ambiance of the 1600 Club:

• Broadway: The protagonist, engaged in discussions about local figures.
• Mizzou (Miss Missouri Motto): The club's proprietor, insightful and observant.
• Dave the Dude: An influential yet intimidating figure known for his connections and assertiveness.
• Waldo Winchester: A gossip columnist with a penchant for uncovering local stories.
• Billy Perry: A strikingly beautiful woman (referred to as a "doll") who becomes the center of attention.
• Harry the Horse & Angie the Ox: Loyal associates of Broadway, often providing counsel.

Notable Quote:

"[01:45] Broadway: 'I have not the time.'"
Broadway explains his recent absence from the club, hinting at underlying tensions.

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Rising Tensions: Dave the Dude’s Obsession

Mizzou reveals that Dave the Dude has taken a keen interest in Billy Perry, expressing her concern:

Notable Quote:

"[02:52] Broadway: 'I would say that Dave the Dude is a man not to cross even in the singular.'"
Broadway cautions about Dave's formidable nature.

As Dave the Dude begins frequenting the club, his intentions towards Billy Perry become evident. He persuades Billy to dine lavishly, signaling his deepening infatuation.

Notable Quote:

"[04:11] Broadway: 'Only once.'"
When questioned about love, Broadway’s vague response underscores his detachment from the unfolding drama.

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Waldo Winchester’s Intrusion

Waldo Winchester enters the scene, seeking material for his gossip column. His curiosity about Billy Perry leads him to Broadway:

Notable Quote:

"[06:24] Waldo Winchester: 'Who's that girl?'"
Waldo’s probing questions reveal his interest in uncovering the mystery behind Billy Perry.

The confrontation escalates as Waldo's genuine interest in Billy conflicts with Dave the Dude’s possessiveness, setting the stage for impending conflict.

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Climactic Confrontation

Dave the Dude confronts Broadway about the association between Waldo and Billy Perry, leading to threats of exposing or harming Waldo if the relationship persists.

Notable Quote:

"[09:14] Broadway: 'I do not like the way I feel.'"
Broadway expresses his unease as Dave intensifies his demands.

Under duress, Broadway faces the dilemma of choosing between appeasing Dave or protecting Waldo, highlighting the themes of loyalty and intimidation.

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Forced Wedding and Unexpected Rescue

Dave the Dude orchestrates a surprise wedding between Billy Perry and Waldo Winchester, intending to solidify his control over the situation. However, Lola Winchester, Waldo’s estranged wife and a formidable acrobat, intervenes dramatically.

Notable Quote:

"[22:18] Lola Winchester: 'This is my husband you're trying to marry off.'"
Lola’s bold entrance disrupts Dave’s plans, revealing hidden layers of Waldo’s personal life.

In a display of strength, Lola rescues Waldo, thwarting Dave’s scheme and restoring balance.

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Resolution and Aftermath

In the aftermath, the community reflects on the events. Harry the Horse and Broadway discuss the implications of Dave’s actions and the newfound stability brought by Lola's intervention.

Notable Quote:

"[25:21] Harry the Horse: 'Only the boys know that Dave puts the snatch on Waldo Winchester and takes him to the Woodstock Inn.'"
Harry underscores the ongoing struggle with Dave’s manipulative tactics.

The story concludes with a sense of relief and camaraderie among the characters, while hinting at future challenges related to Dave the Dude’s unpredictable nature.

Notable Quote:

"[26:35] Harry the Horse: 'Broadway, you are a genius.'"
Harry’s commendation highlights Broadway’s pivotal role in navigating the crisis.

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Conclusion

"Romance in the Roaring Forties" masterfully blends humor, drama, and suspense, showcasing Damon Runyon's signature storytelling. The episode captures the essence of the Golden Age of Radio, immersing listeners in a world where words paint vivid pictures and characters leap to life. As Dave the Dude's machinations are countered by the resilience of Lola and the solidarity of Broadway’s circle, the story delivers a satisfying resolution while leaving room for future adventures.

Listeners are left entertained and reflective on themes of love, power, and friendship, making this episode a memorable addition to Harold's Old Time Radio collection.

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Production Credits:

• Starring: John Brown as Broadway
• Directed by: Richard Sanville
• Adapted for Radio by: Russell Hughes
• Production: Mayfair

Transcript

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[Narrator]

The Damon Runyon Theater Once again, the Damon Runyon Theater presents another story by the master of storytellers, Damon Runyon. And this one, the hilarious Romance in the roaring 40s. And to tell it to you, here is Broadway.

[Broadway]

Thanks. Maybe you know a citizen who is called Dave the Dude. And maybe you know another citizen who has entered under the name of Waldo Winchester, who writes a gossip column. That is his real name. Although some of the characters claim this handle is one of those nom de plumes which is fancy French for an alias. Well, how. How this Winchester tangles with Dave the dude and how Ms. Billy Perry, Dave the Dude's girl figures in is quite a story, which I will tell you in a minute.

[Narrator]

And now back to the Damon Runyon Theater and the famous story Romance in the roaring 40s.

[Broadway]

As I am saying, Walter Winchester is an influential citizen along the step. But he is no more that way than Dave the Duke. Although Dave is better known by the gendarmes of various settlements than he is by the general public. Well, one night I am sitting in the 1600 Club, which belongs to one Miss Missouri motto, whom we call Mizzou for short. Mizou is at the table with me. And the conversation is as follows.

[Mizzou]

You have not been around lately, Broadway Vincek.

[Broadway]

Well, not exactly Mizzou. It is just that I have not the time.

[Mizzou]

I've made a few additions to the place.

[Dave the Dude]

So I see.

[Broadway]

Especially in the doll department. In the show in particular, I notice one.

[Mizzou]

Sure, the little brunette third from the air. Do not notice her anymore.

[Broadway]

What?

[Mizzou]

You know Dave the Dude?

[Broadway]

Although I am not a real personal friend, I know Dave the Dude.

[Mizzou]

Would you say he is a man to double cross?

[Broadway]

I would say that Dave the Dude is a man not to cross even in the singular.

[Mizzou]

Then forget the little brunette third from the end.

[Broadway]

Oh, why?

[Mizzou]

Because Dave the Dude was in the other night. He also saw her Mizzou.

[Broadway]

I do not think I ever see the little brunette date from the end.

[Mizzou]

And you better tell all the boys.

[Broadway]

I will give the information around.

[Mizzou]

Her name is Billy Perry. Would you care to meet her?

[Broadway]

Oh, no, no, no. She is not my type.

[Mizzou]

You mean Dave the Dude is not your type.

[Broadway]

You are correct. And speaking of Dave the Dude, your front entrance is filled with him every night.

[Mizzou]

He comes here every night? There's still one more show to go. But Ms. Billy Perry will not be in it.

[Broadway]

Why not?

[Mizzou]

Because Dave says she is a delicate creature and can do only one show per night.

[Broadway]

Hmm. This sounds like Dave is serious.

[Mizzou]

Billy is the first doll I think he's serious about.

[Broadway]

Here he comes. Goodbye.

[Mizzou]

No, stay.

[Dave the Dude]

Hello, Missou. Broadway. I got it.

[Broadway]

Never better.

[Mizzou]

Hello, Dave.

[Dave the Dude]

Is Ms. Perry done for the evening?

[Mizzou]

Missou, are you asking me or telling me?

[Dave the Dude]

Will you ask her to join me?

[Broadway]

Sure.

[Mizzou]

Right away, Dave.

[Broadway]

Well, if you will excuse me.

[Dave the Dude]

Dave, you are my guest. I want you to meet a very wonderful creature. Oh, Broadway, have you ever been in love?

[Broadway]

Only once.

[Dave the Dude]

How'd it feel?

[Broadway]

I do not remember. I am only 6 years old at the time.

[Dave the Dude]

You're missing something wonderful, Broadway. I thought all dolls are alike. Until I meet this Ms. Perry.

[Broadway]

She is special extra.

[Dave the Dude]

You will call her Miss Perry.

[Broadway]

Seeing that is her name, I will be glad to.

[Dave the Dude]

The other night I had to cool off Little Mitzi cause he called her a dame.

[Broadway]

Little Mitz? He does not know any better.

[Dave the Dude]

I repaired that flaw in his character. I. Hey, bro, look, there she comes.

[Broadway]

While Dave's eyes are glazing over like two molasses apples, I look where he points. I admit that this Ms. Billy Perry is something for the books. She is prettier than someone and a million dollars worth of figure is putting it at a low estimate. She comes up to the table.

[Billy Perry]

Hello, Davey.

[Dave the Dude]

Hello, Billy. Broadway, meet Ms. Billy Perry.

[Billy Perry]

I am charmed beyond measure, I'm certain.

[Broadway]

How are you?

[Billy Perry]

Just fine, Mr. Broadway.

[Dave the Dude]

Are you tired tonight, Billy?

[Billy Perry]

No, not very, But I am hungry.

[Dave the Dude]

Broadway, go to the kitchen. Tell the chef I want to order.

[Broadway]

Oh, sure, sure. Anything special.

[Dave the Dude]

Broadway, you will tell the chef to bring everything so Ms. Perry can make a choice.

[Broadway]

Well, I am able to tell by Dave's actions that he is more than somewhat on the ropes for Miss Billy Perry. It is not long before everybody knows this. And this fact keeps other citizens away from him. Well, a couple of weeks go by as they do, and it is one night in the 1600 Club that Harry the Horse and I are sitting at a table when who nudges up but Waldo Winchester.

[Waldo Winchester]

Hello, Broadway.

[Harry the Horse]

Harry.

[Broadway]

Hi, Waldo.

[Waldo Winchester]

Mind if I sit down?

[Harry the Horse]

If it will make you more comfortable. Please do.

[Waldo Winchester]

Same old Harry. What's New Broadway.

[Broadway]

I take it you are looking for items for that column you write.

[Waldo Winchester]

Always on the lookout for something good.

[Harry the Horse]

There is nothing good.

[Waldo Winchester]

Nice crowd in here tonight.

[Broadway]

Nothing special.

[Waldo Winchester]

Oh, I wouldn't say that. Broadway. Do you see what I see?

[Broadway]

That all depends on what you see.

[Waldo Winchester]

Who's that girl?

[Harry the Horse]

Uh, which girl?

[Waldo Winchester]

The little brunette, third from the end.

[Harry the Horse]

I am unable to see that far due to a slight near sight of you.

[Broadway]

I do not know her.

[Waldo Winchester]

Don't give me that, Broadway. You know everybody.

[Broadway]

Oh, that is a figure of speech.

[Waldo Winchester]

Hey, what's the matter with you? I asked you a question, that's all.

[Harry the Horse]

It is not a good question.

[Waldo Winchester]

I don't get this.

[Broadway]

Look, Waldo, we do not know the girl. No. To repeat, no.

[Harry the Horse]

How is the column going, Waldo?

[Waldo Winchester]

Fine, just fine. Hey, she's a very pretty girl.

[Broadway]

I read your column this morning, Waldo. It is very good.

[Dave the Dude]

Thanks.

[Waldo Winchester]

Maybe I should have come in here before this. Looks like I missed something.

[Harry the Horse]

Waldo. That is not all you are going to miss. Huh?

[Waldo Winchester]

Hey, what are you talking about? You. Hey, Broadway, she smiled at you.

[Broadway]

You are making the mistake. Waldo, she does not even know me.

[Waldo Winchester]

Then why is she coming over here?

[Harry the Horse]

I do not know, but I am going over there to the door that leads Broadway.

[Lola Winchester]

Wait a minute.

[Broadway]

Good night, Harry.

[Billy Perry]

Wait.

[Harry the Horse]

I have an engagement on the other side of town. A very important one.

[Billy Perry]

What's the matter with him? Broadway, you sit down or I'll tell Dave you were rude to me.

[Broadway]

I am sitting down.

[Waldo Winchester]

Well, Broadway, you going to introduce me?

[Broadway]

I wish I didn't know you.

[Billy Perry]

Oh, you're Walter Winchester. Gee, I read your column in the paper every morning I see a picture on the top.

[Waldo Winchester]

Thank you, Miss Perry. Oh, Miss Perry.

[Broadway]

Huh?

[Waldo Winchester]

Miss Perry, may we have the honor of your company?

[Billy Perry]

Now, isn't that gentlemanly like. Gee, did you hear that, Broadway?

[Broadway]

I wish that I am deaf.

[Waldo Winchester]

May I order something for you, Miss Perry?

[Billy Perry]

Well, I'm not hungry, but I could eat good.

[Waldo Winchester]

Broadway, how about being a good egg and running out to the chef? Tell him it's for me.

[Broadway]

Uh huh. What do you want?

[Waldo Winchester]

Well, seeing that this is a very special occasion, you'd better have him bring, well, everything. Miss Perry can make her choice.

[Broadway]

And that is that. It so happens that Dave the Dude is out of town when this happens and he does not get back for two weeks. Waldo is seen every night in the 1600 Club and Miss Billy Perry is seen with him. Somebody tells him that this is unhealthy, but he laughs it all. He figures because he is with a newspaper. Dave, the dude will do nothing. But one night I am standing at the corner of 50th and Broadway when I see Dave the Dude. He is coming toward me. I try to duck, but I am stopped before I get 10ft.

[Dave the Dude]

What's the matter, Broadway? Could it be that you don't want to see me?

[Broadway]

I did not see you come up.

[Dave the Dude]

Dave, you know my boys. Yeah, we know Broadway.

[Broadway]

I am acquainted with them. Yes.

[Dave the Dude]

Broadway, let's you and me have a little talk, huh?

[Broadway]

We don't have much in common.

[Dave the Dude]

I think we do. Broadway, it has come to my attention that one night you introduced a citizen named Waldo Winchester to Miss Perry.

[Broadway]

I do not.

[Dave the Dude]

That is the way I heard it.

[Broadway]

It is a libel.

[Dave the Dude]

It is liable to be bad for you if I find out this is true.

[Broadway]

Where do you hear this?

[Dave the Dude]

Around. I just got in this morning. I went to see Miss Perry. It seems she is out with Waldo Winchester. I asked some characters how this could be. And I hear that one night you introduced Miss Perry to the said citizen.

[Broadway]

Look, Dave, it is none of my doing.

[Dave the Dude]

I am inclined very much to believe you because I know how very careful you are of your health. But I want you to tell me something.

[Broadway]

Sure, sure, Dave. What is the information you are seeking?

[Dave the Dude]

Is it a bigger rap to bump off a newspaper guide than anybody else?

[Broadway]

Dave, this is very foolish of you. Miss Perry is only one doll.

[Dave the Dude]

One in a million. So I want you to do me a favor.

[Broadway]

I will do anything I can.

[Dave the Dude]

I want you to call off this Waldo Winchester.

[Broadway]

Me? How?

[Dave the Dude]

That is up to you. It is now 12 o'. Clock. At noon. At 10 o' clock tonight. I would like very much to know that miss Perry and Mr. Winchester are strangers. Totally. It is up to.

[Broadway]

It is up to me. He says he does not give me instructions. So I am on my own. And is lucky I am not on my back. Because Dave the Dude is a very tough citizen. Well, that night I go to the Club 1600. The world is out, that Dave is back and that I am on the spot.

[Angie the Ox]

As Angie Deox says, it is up to you, Broadway. If you do not call off Waldo Winchester, then Dave will cool him off. And that will be bad.

[Harry the Horse]

Yeah, like Angie says, Broadway, it will be bad.

[Broadway]

What am I gonna do, Harry?

[Harry the Horse]

I do not know. But I know what the newspapers will do if one of their ilk meets with a unfortunate incident. They will start a campaign about some characters and we will have to go on vacations.

[Angie the Ox]

I do not want to go on another vacation. I'm just back from One.

[Harry the Horse]

Broadway, there is Waldo and Miss Perry.

[Dave the Dude]

Go over and talk to.

[Broadway]

What will I talk about?

[Angie the Ox]

Not the weather. You have a more important subject.

[Harry the Horse]

Go ahead, Broadway.

[Broadway]

I have a feeling that I do not like the way I feel.

[Angie the Ox]

Go ahead, Broadway.

[Broadway]

I am on my way.

[Billy Perry]

Well, if it is not Mr. Broadway.

[Waldo Winchester]

Hello, Broadway. Hello. Now sit down. Have something to eat.

[Broadway]

I will sit down, but my appetite is not with me.

[Billy Perry]

What's the matter? You look pale.

[Broadway]

That is natural under the circumstances.

[Waldo Winchester]

What's eating you, Broadway? You look as though you'd seen a ghost.

[Broadway]

Do not mention that word or anything in connection with it.

[Waldo Winchester]

Something troubling you?

[Broadway]

Well, it is like this. I.

[Billy Perry]

Well, it is like what?

[Broadway]

It is too late to mention it. Here comes Dave.

[Billy Perry]

Oh, him.

[Broadway]

He has his boys with him.

[Waldo Winchester]

So what?

[Broadway]

I wish you knew how silly that question is.

[Waldo Winchester]

Well, well, well.

[Dave the Dude]

Is everybody having a party?

[Broadway]

This is the end of it.

[Billy Perry]

I'm glad to see you back, Dave.

[Dave the Dude]

Sure, Mr. Winchester. How are you?

[Waldo Winchester]

Never better, thanks. And you?

[Dave the Dude]

I am fine, Broadway.

[Broadway]

You want me to leave?

[Dave the Dude]

No. I just want to tell you it's almost 10 o'. Clock.

[Broadway]

It could be that your watch is fast.

[Dave the Dude]

It is correct.

[Billy Perry]

What is going to happen at 10 o'? Clock?

[Broadway]

Ms. Perry, anything could happen at 10 o'. Clock.

[Waldo Winchester]

Say, what is this all about?

[Dave the Dude]

You don't know, Mr. Winchester?

[Waldo Winchester]

Of course I don't.

[Dave the Dude]

I take it then, Broadway, that you have not spoken.

[Broadway]

Look, Dave, let me explain.

[Dave the Dude]

I will take matters into my own hands.

[Broadway]

No, wait.

[Dave the Dude]

Boys, closet.

[Waldo Winchester]

Hey, hey, what is this? What's the pitch, Dave?

[Dave the Dude]

I am going to write a column for you, Waldo. And this one will be in the obituaries. And you will have company. Broadway.

[Broadway]

Yeah.

[Dave the Dude]

It is now 10 o'.

[Broadway]

Clock.

[Narrator]

And now back to the Damon Runyon Theater and the famous story, Romance in the roaring 40s.

[Broadway]

Well, there we are. Dave and his boys, Ms. Billy Perry, Waldo Winchester and me. It is not long before Waldo gets the idea that things are more than somewhat wrong. He looks at Dave the Dude, and the scene is as follows.

[Waldo Winchester]

Dave, what is this?

[Dave the Dude]

Mr. Winchester, I am going to erase you.

[Broadway]

Oh, listen, Dave.

[Dave the Dude]

Shut up.

[Waldo Winchester]

I don't get this.

[Dave the Dude]

You will. But before I put a permanent chill on you, I will give you this for an appetizer. All right. Get up, Mr. Winchester. I will never shoot a man when he is lying down.

[Broadway]

You're crazy.

[Dave the Dude]

Get up.

[Lola Winchester]

Jane.

[Billy Perry]

Jane, don't. Don't. You don't realize what you are doing to the man I love.

[Dave the Dude]

I know what I am. The. The. The man you love?

[Billy Perry]

Yes. The man I love. He is a fine person. A man of tastes and. And, well, he is a fine man.

[Dave the Dude]

Do. Do I hear you say that. That you love him?

[Billy Perry]

I love him.

[Dave the Dude]

And. And him?

[Billy Perry]

He has never told me, but I have every reason to believe that he does.

[Dave the Dude]

I want him to tell me. Boys, lift him up. You hear what Miss Parry says?

[Waldo Winchester]

No. I have a buzzing in my ears.

[Dave the Dude]

She says she loves you. Is that so? She.

[Waldo Winchester]

She said that?

[Billy Perry]

Billy, tell him I do love you.

[Dave the Dude]

Waldo, and you'll love her.

[Waldo Winchester]

Well, Miss Perry is a very fine girl.

[Dave the Dude]

A lady.

[Waldo Winchester]

A lady, but.

[Dave the Dude]

But what?

[Waldo Winchester]

I. I can't talk with a gun in my face.

[Dave the Dude]

I will take it away. Now, do you or do you not love Miss Perry?

[Waldo Winchester]

Well, I.

[Billy Perry]

You do love me, don't you, Waldo?

[Dave the Dude]

I answer.

[Waldo Winchester]

Yes.

[Billy Perry]

Waldo. Waldo, darling.

[Dave the Dude]

I guess this is the end of my romance. Miss Perry, I cannot do what I came here to do tonight. I came here to terminate. Mr. Winchester. Mr. Winchester, do not break her heart, or I will break a few things myself. Goodbye. Come on, boys.

[Billy Perry]

Waldo. Waldo, you love me. You told me.

[Waldo Winchester]

Uh huh. I told you.

[Broadway]

What's the matter, Mr. Winchester? You look as though you see a ghost. Well, that is that Dave the Dude disappears and nobody knows where he is. Now, this may look like the end with everybody happy, but it is not. We are all wondering, where is Dave the Dude and what he is holding up his sleeve. Because we know it is not his custom to back away so easy. One day I find out I am sitting in Mindy's when in comes Angie the Ox. He is very excited as he says.

[Angie the Ox]

To me, I'm glad I find you, Broadway.

[Broadway]

What's the matter, Broadway?

[Angie the Ox]

This is a bad day for all the boys, huh? Why, Dave has put the snatch on Waldo Winchester.

[Broadway]

This is not true.

[Angie the Ox]

It is true. I get the word from little Mitzi, who gets it from one of Dave's own boys.

[Broadway]

He's crazy. He should know that kidnapping anybody is bad, much less a citizen connected with the newspaper.

[Angie the Ox]

Not only that, but he sends for all of us.

[Broadway]

Where is he?

[Angie the Ox]

At the Woodstock Inn.

[Broadway]

What is Dave doing out in the country? The fresh air will kill him.

[Angie the Ox]

I do not know, but he sends for all of us to come to the Woodstock Inn quick and very fast.

[Broadway]

But why?

[Angie the Ox]

There's only one thing. We figure that he invites us to watch him put the chill on Waldo Winchester.

[Broadway]

I am not going.

[Angie the Ox]

Oh, we will all go to Dave's party if we do not. We will not go anyplace at any time later.

[Broadway]

I think you are right.

[Angie the Ox]

Oh, we are caught.

[Broadway]

There is no train fast enough to get us away.

[Angie the Ox]

Come on, Broadway. Little Mitzi passed the word. We should be there by one o'.

[Broadway]

Clock. It is only nine now.

[Angie the Ox]

Broadway. In a case like this, we allow ourselves plenty of time.

[Broadway]

Well, it is like Angie said. It looks like we are all witnesses to the Winchester execution. It seems that Dave the Dude blames all of us for not keeping a better eye on Ms. Billy Perry. Anyhow, we get to the Woodstock Inn and the place is more than somewhat crowded by characters. But when I get in the door, I am almost knocked over by what I see. I am standing there when Dave the Dude comes up to me. And the scene is as follows.

[Dave the Dude]

Well, how do you like it, Broadway?

[Broadway]

I do not understand this day.

[Dave the Dude]

Broadway, you are at a wedding, huh? It is like this. I figured that I should do something for Ms. Perry. What could I do better than give her a big wedding to Mr. Winchester?

[Broadway]

But I mean, does Mr. Winchester know this?

[Dave the Dude]

It was more than somewhat of a surprise. We did not tell him until he got up here.

[Broadway]

I see. But he is here?

[Dave the Dude]

Yeah, my boys brought him. There he is over there.

[Broadway]

He does not look very happy.

[Dave the Dude]

He is still surprised. The developments.

[Broadway]

I see.

[Dave the Dude]

Well, as soon as the minister gets here, we'll have the wit. Say, Broadway.

[Broadway]

What, Dave?

[Dave the Dude]

I do not like the way Mr. Winchester is taking this. Go over and cheer him up.

[Broadway]

From his looks, I think that will be impossible.

[Dave the Dude]

Try it. Go on. I'm gonna see about things.

[Lola Winchester]

Hello, Dave.

[Dave the Dude]

Go with Broadway, Harry.

[Harry the Horse]

Oh, sure. Where you going, Broadway?

[Broadway]

To see Mr. Winchester. Come. Hello, Mr. Winchester.

[Waldo Winchester]

Hello.

[Broadway]

Hey.

[Harry the Horse]

For a man about to be married, you do not seem happy.

[Waldo Winchester]

I am not happy.

[Broadway]

But why not? Miss Perry is a very lovely doll.

[Waldo Winchester]

But not for me.

[Harry the Horse]

Do not let Dave hear you say that.

[Waldo Winchester]

I've got to get out of here.

[Broadway]

How? Are they still watching me?

[Waldo Winchester]

Yes. Oh, this is terrible.

[Broadway]

You do not love Ms. Perry?

[Waldo Winchester]

No.

[Harry the Horse]

Never mind. Love will grow on you.

[Broadway]

But what about my wife? Huh?

[Harry the Horse]

You did not say something about a wife, did you?

[Waldo Winchester]

Yes.

[Broadway]

Does that mean you are married?

[Waldo Winchester]

Yes. And my wife is very strict with me. She won't approve of this.

[Broadway]

Neither will Dave.

[Harry the Horse]

Broadway, if this shindig today goes on the rocks, that will be all. He will bump this Mr. Winchester.

[Waldo Winchester]

Oh, please go somewhere else and talk about that. I don't like it.

[Broadway]

You don't?

[Harry the Horse]

Mr. Winchester, you have put us all on the spot.

[Waldo Winchester]

You're on a spot.

[Broadway]

How does it happen you do not mention your wife before this? Why?

[Waldo Winchester]

You know how it is.

[Harry the Horse]

No.

[Broadway]

Where is she.

[Waldo Winchester]

She just came into town today. Not many people know I'm married to her. She is in town at the Park Plaza Hotel.

[Broadway]

She does not live there?

[Waldo Winchester]

No, she travels with a circus.

[Harry the Horse]

With a circus?

[Broadway]

Yeah.

[Waldo Winchester]

She's an acrobat. Her name is Lola. She's the one who holds up the five others in the big finale.

[Broadway]

Is she big?

[Waldo Winchester]

Very. She's even bigger than angie the ox.

[Harry the Horse]

Mr. Winchester, you are on the spot. But you will marry Miss Perry because otherwise we will be in a spot.

[Waldo Winchester]

I can't marry Miss Perry.

[Broadway]

Then you will tell her, because here she comes.

[Billy Perry]

Waldo, darling, look. Dave gave me an engagement ring from you. And a wedding ring. And he is going to be the best man.

[Harry the Horse]

There is no question about that.

[Billy Perry]

Isn't it all too thrilling? It's just like a movie.

[Broadway]

You can leave a movie.

[Billy Perry]

Oh, you're funny. Broadway.

[Broadway]

Very funny.

[Billy Perry]

But, Waldo, you look so sad. You should be happy. Happy and laughing.

[Dave the Dude]

Well, the minister will be here in a half hour. Meanwhile, everybody have a good time.

[Billy Perry]

Oh, Dave, you're such a wonderful, kind man.

[Dave the Dude]

It's all for you, Miss Perry. It's for your happiness and. And his.

[Harry the Horse]

You know, something tells me this is gonna be a peculiar wedding.

[Broadway]

Well, Dave arranges things. He is very happy. Seeing that Miss Perry is made happy, Waldo tries to get away three or four times. But they run him down and bring him back before he is 10ft away. The minister gets there, and we help Waldo to the altar where Dave has given Miss Perry away. But then something happens. The minister is just about ready to begin when.

[Harry the Horse]

Hey, where do you think you're going?

[Broadway]

You can't go in there.

[Lola Winchester]

Who says I can't? Where's my husband? Where's Waldo?

[Dave the Dude]

Hey, what's the idea? Who let this doll in here?

[Harry the Horse]

She is a very big doll.

[Broadway]

Lola.

[Lola Winchester]

Lola. Waldo, baby, what are they doing to you?

[Dave the Dude]

Lola, please, get me out of here. Just a minute, boys. Watch the doors. And wonders. Look. Who are you?

[Lola Winchester]

Lola Winchester. You cheap tin horn. Sport.

[Dave the Dude]

What?

[Lola Winchester]

This is my husband you're trying to marry off. Husband?

[Waldo Winchester]

Waldo, this is my wife, Lola.

[Broadway]

Wife?

[Lola Winchester]

Why, get away from him.

[Dave the Dude]

I'll cook him. I'll take him apart. I'll sit.

[Lola Winchester]

Come on, get up. And I'll knock you down again. Why, you take my husband away, will you kidnap my darling William?

[Dave the Dude]

Stop knocking me down.

[Lola Winchester]

I'll knock anybody down who tries to stop me. Come on, Waldo. I'll take you home.

[Waldo Winchester]

Sure, baby, sure.

[Lola Winchester]

If anybody wants more trouble, just come to Lola and I'll give it to you.

[Broadway]

And she picks Waldo up, throws him over her shoulder and walks out. Dave the dude is on the floor and everybody else is too surprised to move. It is Miss Perry who comes to life first.

[Billy Perry]

I ain't gonna be married. I ain't gonna be married.

[Harry the Horse]

Not to Mr. Winchester.

[Dave the Dude]

All right, boys, come with me. We got a job to do.

[Broadway]

Oh, Dave, wait a minute.

[Dave the Dude]

And you, Broadway, you got something coming and the rest of it.

[Broadway]

You can't rub him out, Dave.

[Angie the Ox]

I'm gonna.

[Broadway]

But the newspapers.

[Dave the Dude]

I don't care about them.

[Broadway]

Miss Perry, you are well rid of such a man as Waldo Winchester. Who keeps such a large wife undercover. He is a rat and a snake in the grass.

[Billy Perry]

He. He is. Well, I guess he is.

[Broadway]

He is not worthy of you. You need a man who is. Perhaps you will find such a man for yourself.

[Billy Perry]

What do you mean?

[Broadway]

I mean, you do not have far to look.

[Dave the Dude]

What are you talking about, Broadway?

[Broadway]

Dave, you love Miss Billy Perry.

[Dave the Dude]

I do.

[Broadway]

Miss Perry, Waldo Winchester is not the man for you because he is more than somewhat married. But me. You?

[Dave the Dude]

Oh, gee.

[Billy Perry]

Oh, it. Oh, it is a shame to let all these pretty decorations go to waste. And. And the ring. And I'd have to give it back if I wasn't married.

[Dave the Dude]

Oh, you could keep it.

[Billy Perry]

I think you are the man for me, Dave.

[Dave the Dude]

Me? You mean that?

[Broadway]

Sure she does, Dave. Where's the minister?

[Harry the Horse]

He is waiting.

[Dave the Dude]

Well, then, what are we waiting for?

[Broadway]

Come on.

[Lola Winchester]

Come.

[Harry the Horse]

Broadway. I take off my hat to you, Harry.

[Broadway]

I take off my hat, but only because for a minute it was very hot in here. And so Miss Perry and Dave the dude are married. But it is not until a day or so later that the payoff comes. Which I will tell you about in a minute. Well, it is a day or so later that I am sitting in Mindy's, having some goulash when Harry the Horse comes in and sits down.

[Harry the Horse]

Hello, Broadway.

[Broadway]

Hello, Harry.

[Harry the Horse]

It was a nice wedding.

[Broadway]

I am glad it was a wedding.

[Harry the Horse]

I am very glad it was a wedding. However, there is one thing that is causing me some trouble.

[Broadway]

What is that, Harry?

[Harry the Horse]

It is this. Only the boys know that Dave puts the snatch on Waldo Winchester and takes him to the Woodstock Inn.

[Broadway]

Is that correct? That is correct.

[Harry the Horse]

But this Lola doll comes right out there. Now, how does she know we are there? Well, do you know, Broadway?

[Broadway]

Maybe she is a bloodhound.

[Harry the Horse]

You know, this morning I am thinking. I remembered that you were missing that day for about 10 minutes. Could it be you put in a phone call to the Park Plaza Hotel?

[Broadway]

I do not say one way or the other.

[Harry the Horse]

But it fixes everything.

[Broadway]

You mean because Lola comes there and gets Waldo everything is all right?

[Harry the Horse]

That is right.

[Broadway]

And now, Harry, I will tell you something. Suppose this marriage between Dave and Ms. Perry does not turn out all right. Who gets the blame?

[Harry the Horse]

The citizen who put in the phone call to the Lola dog.

[Broadway]

Exactly. So I hope you are very forgetful because you are the only one who knows I am missing for 10 minutes.

[Harry the Horse]

Broadway, I do not ever remember you being missing for even one minute.

[Broadway]

Harry, you are a gentleman.

[Harry the Horse]

Broadway, you are a genius.

[Narrator]

And so ends the story. Romance in the Roaring Forties. Another famous Damon Runyon story. Listen in again next week for the Damon Runyon Theater. The Damon Runyon Theater with John Brown as Broadway is directed by Richard Sanville and the stories adapted for radio by Russell Hughes. This is a Mayfair production.