Damon Runyon Theatre 1949-03-13 - Dancing Dans Christmas

Summary

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Podcast Summary: Damon Runyon Theatre 1949-03-13 — Dancing Dan’s Christmas

Podcast: Harold’s Old Time Radio
Host: Harold's Old Time Radio
Episode Date: December 17, 2025
Featured Broadcast: Damon Runyon Theatre, March 13, 1949
Story Adapted From: Damon Runyon’s classic short story
Main Characters: Broadway (Narrator), Dancing Dan, Shotgun Sam, Muriel O’Neill, Good Time Charlie, Ookie

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Main Theme & Purpose

The episode presents a festive and bittersweet crime drama set during the Christmas season, adapted from a Damon Runyon story. It centers around underworld figure Dancing Dan, who seeks to leave his criminal past for love, all while evading rival gangsters. The narrative weaves themes of redemption, sacrifice, love, and the true meaning of goodwill during the holidays.

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Key Discussion Points and Insights

1. Atmospheric Introduction — Christmas on Broadway

• [01:31] Broadway, the narrator, sets the stage with a monologue on Christmas and its ideals of “peace on earth, goodwill to men”—noting that for some, these are optional.
  • Quote:
    • “...certain citizens never hear of peace, and goodwill is nice, but not absolutely necessary. And how it happens that I almost spend my last Christmas with no will at all is quite a story, which I will tell you…” — Broadway [01:31]

2. A Gangland Warning

• [02:33–05:14] Broadway’s cheesecake is interrupted by Shotgun Sam, who’s hunting for Dancing Dan on behalf of Heiny Schmitz, whose love interest Muriel O’Neill has drawn Dan’s attention.
  • Shotgun Sam makes it clear that loyalty is expected—and failure could be fatal.
  • Quote:
    • “If you do, Heine would take it as a personal favor if you would tell me. Also he would take it as a personal affront if you do not.” — Shotgun Sam [04:41]

3. Laying Low at Good Time Charlie’s

• [05:46–07:14] Broadway seeks safety in an out-of-the-way bar. Dancing Dan unexpectedly arrives with a mysterious package, declaring his intent to go “straight” out of love for Muriel.
  • Quote:
    • "You know, this is Christmas. I figure there’s no better time for a guy to cut out his old life and build something new for himself." — Dancing Dan [07:41]

4. The Kindly Deed: Dan as Santa Claus

• [11:20–15:16] A down-on-his-luck friend, Ookie, arrives dressed as a street-corner Santa, despite being ill and broke. Dan selflessly takes Ookie’s place to spare him the cold, risking his own safety.
  • Quote:
    • “I’m not gonna let Ookie walk around with that cold… I’m gonna be Santa Claus.” — Dancing Dan [14:20]
  • Memorable Moment:
    • Dan insists on donning the Santa suit, symbolizing sacrifice and the Christmas spirit.

5. Muriel’s Plea and Dan’s Resolve

• [17:03–18:13] Muriel O’Neill calls, pleading for Broadway to stop Dan from risking himself. She offers to accompany Dan so he won’t be alone in danger.
  • Quote:
    • "It's Christmas. I love the big goo. I know what he's thinking and I know what he's doing. Please stay with him, Broadway." — Muriel O’Neill [17:37]

6. Street Scenes: Goodwill and Charity

• [18:59–22:24] Dan, dressed as Santa, does Ookie’s job, distributes flyers, and spreads Christmas cheer. Dan fills a Salvation Army kettle and insists a stranger contribute, using gentle intimidation—humorously “packing a rod.”
  • Quote:
    • “You’re the first Santa Claus I ever seen packing a rod.” — Stranger [21:35]

7. Grand Gesture: Redemption at Grandma O’Neill’s

• [23:09–24:24] Dan and Broadway sneak into Muriel’s grandmother’s apartment. Dan fills her Christmas stocking with jewelry stolen in a prior heist, planning to return it to the police as a gesture of turning his life around.
  • Quote:
    • "I made a haul—$50,000 worth of jewelry… And so I figured I’d take it back to police because I am going straight." — Dancing Dan [20:20]

8. Sacrifice and Surrender

• [25:57–26:45] Dan turns himself in at the police station, ensuring Muriel receives the reward money (though she refuses it), thus avoiding Heiny's retribution. Dan receives a light sentence for his honesty.
  • Quote:
    • "He leaves the jewelry so Muriel will get the reward. That is the way I figure it. But she will not accept it." — Good Time Charlie [26:09]
    • "She says she will wait for him. And they will start all over again." — Good Time Charlie [26:42]

9. Coda and Mystery Unraveled

• [28:12–29:35] A year later, Shotgun Sam and Broadway meet. It’s revealed that Shotgun had mistaken Ookie for Dan, missing his real quarry. The story ends on an ironic, reflective note.
  • Quote:
    • "I must get a bad steer because Dancing Dan never goes in or comes out." — Shotgun Sam [29:05]
    • "I am not able to figure out why Dan is still alive. And why Shotgun Sam is not watching your place here last night." — Broadway [26:52]

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Memorable Quotes & Moments (with Timestamps)

• “I wish that everyone will take it [goodwill] to heart. However, there are certain citizens who never hear of peace and goodwill is nice, but not absolutely necessary.” — Broadway [01:31]
• "You got yourself a bad cold." — Good Time Charlie to Ookie [12:04]
• “I’m gonna make this the best Christmas I ever had. If Shotgun wants to rub me out on Christmas Eve, let him. I’m not gonna run away anymore.” — Dancing Dan [14:59]
• “I made a haul—$50,000 worth of jewelry. This is Christmas Eve. So I figured I’d take it back to police because I am going straight.” — Dancing Dan [20:20]
• “She says she will wait for him. And they will start all over again.” — Good Time Charlie [26:42]

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Notable Character Dynamics

• Dancing Dan: Determined to start a new life, embodies both criminal cunning and softhearted decency. His willingness to risk his safety for others (Ookie, Muriel, grandma) is the heart of the tale.
• Broadway: Cynical but compassionate narrator, both drawn to and wary of underworld danger.
• Muriel O’Neill: Loyal and resourceful, she refuses to profit from Dan’s surrender.
• Shotgun Sam: The looming threat whose presence hangs over the story, but is rendered ineffectual by a twist of mistaken identity.

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Structural Timeline

• [01:31] – Broadway’s prologue about Christmas and gangster life
• [02:33] – Shotgun Sam’s warning
• [05:46] – Good Time Charlie’s bar; Dan’s arrival and life-change declaration
• [11:20] – Ookie’s predicament; Dan takes the Santa job [Moving moment]
• [17:03] – Muriel O’Neill’s call; her plea to Broadway
• [18:59] – Broadway and Dan as Santa on the street
• [23:09] – At grandma O’Neill’s; Dan fills the stocking with stolen jewelry
• [25:57] – The aftermath: Dan’s surrender, Muriel’s refusal of reward
• [28:12] – One year later: Shotgun’s confusion and story’s closure

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Tone and Style

• Narrated in Damon Runyon’s signature dialect: wry, slang-filled, and heartwarming, tinged with both sentimentality and grit.
• The story balances suspense with warmth, using the criminal underworld as a setting for personal redemption.

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Conclusion

"Dancing Dan’s Christmas" is a poignant, humorous, and suspenseful tale of redemption and self-sacrifice set against the backdrop of New York’s underworld during Christmas. It highlights the possibility of change, the power of love, and the enduring value of kindness—even among society’s outcasts.

For those who love classic radio, crime fiction, or simply a riveting Christmas tale, this episode is a holiday gem that blends heart and humor with old-school gangster flair.

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Transcript

[McDonald's Commercial Announcer]

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[Damon Runyon Theater Narrator]

The damon runy. Once again, the Damon Runyon Theater brings you another story by the master storyteller Damon Runyon. And this one, Dancing Dan's Christmas. And to tell it to you, here is Broadway.

[John Brown as Broadway]

Thanks. The time this story takes place is Christmas. The time when everybody is saying things about peace on earth, goodwill to men. Now, that is a sentiment with which I go along 300% and I wish that everyone will take it to heart. However, there are certain citizens who never hear of peace and goodwill is nice, but not absolutely necessary. And how it happens that I almost spend my last Christmas with no will at all is quite a story which I will tell you about in a minute.

[Damon Runyon Theater Narrator]

And now back to the Damon Runyon Theater and the famous story Dancing Dan's Christmas.

[John Brown as Broadway]

It is just two days before Christmas that I am sitting in Mindy's, enjoying some cheesecake and crawling. My enjoyment is not long lasting because no sooner is the first bite in my mouth than I am joined by a character named Shotgun Sands, so called for reasons that are plain. He sidles up, eyes me for a couple of seconds, then sits down. The cheesecake has no more flavor and gets even less tasty as Shotgun says as follows.

[Shotgun Sam]

Broadway, Hawaii.

[John Brown as Broadway]

First rate. How are you, Shotgun? Tired.

[Shotgun Sam]

Very tired. Is the cheesecake good?

[John Brown as Broadway]

I just take my first bite.

[Shotgun Sam]

I don't see Dancing Dan any place around, do you?

[John Brown as Broadway]

I am not looking for it. I am.

[Shotgun Sam]

Oh, he is as hard to find as warmth in the bookie's heart.

[John Brown as Broadway]

It seems to me that the places to be looking for Dancing Dan would be the nightclubs. He likes to dance.

[Dancing Dan]

Mm.

[Shotgun Sam]

And that is just why I'm looking for him. Because he's such a slick dancer.

[John Brown as Broadway]

You wish to take lessons?

[Shotgun Sam]

I do not. I wish to give dancing damn one and one he will not forget.

[John Brown as Broadway]

I tell you, I do not see him any place.

[Shotgun Sam]

I believe you. Thanks.

[John Brown as Broadway]

Broadway.

[Shotgun Sam]

I do not like the job I gotta do. Which is it seems that Danson Dan dances too much here lately with the wrong vow. Muriel o', Neill, the saint. Do you know about it then?

[John Brown as Broadway]

Well, there is a rumor that Heinie Schmitz likes her.

[Shotgun Sam]

Said rumor is Absolutely true. And because it is Heinie wishes Dance and Dan to know it.

[John Brown as Broadway]

Look, Shotgun, what harm is there in dancing with Muriel o'? Neal? None.

[Shotgun Sam]

Except that dance and Dan does it more than once. Now we've got to find him and end his career. You're sure you do not see him?

[John Brown as Broadway]

As sure as I am a foot high. I do not. Okay.

[Shotgun Sam]

But if you do, you will let me know?

[John Brown as Broadway]

Well, to tell the truth, I do not get to many places which are apt to see dancing dance.

[Shotgun Sam]

But in case you do, Heinie would take it as a personal favor if you would tell me. Also, he would take it as a personal affront to take.

[John Brown as Broadway]

You do not but sh.

[Shotgun Sam]

I also would take it as a personal uproar. I have got this job to do fine. And I would like to get it over with because I wish to get home for Christmas. I do not like to spend the Christmas season hunting for somebody here.

[John Brown as Broadway]

I. I hear.

[Shotgun Sam]

Okay.

[Damon Runyon Theater Narrator]

See you now.

[John Brown as Broadway]

Now, when a citizen like Shotgun Sam says he would take it as a personal affront, he means just that. So I make it strictly my business to keep more than somewhat away from the spots where I am likely to see. Dan's in. Dan. Not that I would tip off Shotgun because I like Dan. But if Shotgun finds out that I see Dan and do not tell him, that is not only the end of my peace on earth. It is the end. So it is on Christmas Eve that I am in good time. Charlie's a place Dancing Dan is never.

[Damon Runyon Theater Narrator]

Likely to show up.

[John Brown as Broadway]

The scene is as follows.

[Shotgun Sam]

This is what is known as Tom and Jerry Broadway.

[John Brown as Broadway]

You like it? It is very good.

[Shotgun Sam]

A great thing for Christmas, Charlie.

[John Brown as Broadway]

How does it happen you have no other customers tonight?

[Shotgun Sam]

Christmas Eve, everybody stays home. I figure I'll close up early. And who's on it does not make any difference. Let him. Not now. As I was saying.

[John Brown as Broadway]

Whoever it is.

[Shotgun Sam]

Wants to come in, I gotta close up. No more customers tonight.

[John Brown as Broadway]

Maybe it is someone who wants to see you.

[Damon Runyon Theater Narrator]

Okay.

[Shotgun Sam]

Leave the door on its hinges.

[John Brown as Broadway]

I'm coming. Hey, Charlie.

[Shotgun Sam]

Dan.

[Damon Runyon Theater Narrator]

Dancing Dan.

[John Brown as Broadway]

Dancing Dan.

[Damon Runyon Theater Narrator]

Well, Broadway, how are you?

[John Brown as Broadway]

I. What are you doing here, Dan? Here?

[Damon Runyon Theater Narrator]

Why? Just thought I'd drop in and wish everybody a merry Christmas.

[John Brown as Broadway]

Everybody is not here.

[Damon Runyon Theater Narrator]

So I see. Hey, Charlie. Is that a Tom and Jerry? Yeah. You wish one? Yeah, just one. Then I gotta go. Here, store this someplace for me, will you?

[Dancing Dan]

Yeah.

[Shotgun Sam]

What is in the package?

[John Brown as Broadway]

Iron.

[Damon Runyon Theater Narrator]

Not by a long shot. Well, Broadway, I haven't seen you for a long time. Where you been keeping yourself safe?

[Shotgun Sam]

Huh?

[Damon Runyon Theater Narrator]

How's it with you, Johnny?

[John Brown as Broadway]

Pretty good.

[Shotgun Sam]

Here, have a Tom and Jerry on the house.

[John Brown as Broadway]

Thanks. Good.

[Damon Runyon Theater Narrator]

Yeah.

[John Brown as Broadway]

Damn. Is it safe for you to be out? Hmm?

[Damon Runyon Theater Narrator]

Oh, you mean about Heiny Schmitzel?

[John Brown as Broadway]

That is it.

[Damon Runyon Theater Narrator]

Well, this is kind of a farewell party, boys. From now on, I'm going straight and narrow.

[John Brown as Broadway]

Yeah? Why? I mean, this is news.

[Damon Runyon Theater Narrator]

Yeah.

[Dancing Dan]

Maybe because I'm in love.

[John Brown as Broadway]

This makes it worse. I presume the doll is Muriel o'. Neill.

[Damon Runyon Theater Narrator]

You know, this is Christmas. I figure there's no better time for a guy to cut out his old life and build something new for himself. And that's what I'm going to do. Here's to you, Broadway.

[John Brown as Broadway]

Look, Dan, I'd give a million potatoes if I do not see you tonight. Why, I. I just would. You are plenty hot.

[Dancing Dan]

Oh, sure.

[Damon Runyon Theater Narrator]

Heinie doesn't like me. And when heine doesn't like somebody, that somebody is in the red plenty.

[John Brown as Broadway]

I gotta go, Dan. Why? Look, you. You know, I wouldn't give the tip off, Dan, but Shotgun Sam is looking for you. And when did he find you?

[Shotgun Sam]

I know Broadway is right, Dan. Shotgun will not be particular who is between him and his target.

[Dancing Dan]

Yeah.

[John Brown as Broadway]

You sure nobody sees you come in here?

[Dancing Dan]

I don't know.

[Shotgun Sam]

Holy mackerel.

[Dancing Dan]

Merry Christmas, everybody.

[Damon Runyon Theater Narrator]

It's funny, isn't it? Here I am in love with a.

[Dancing Dan]

Doll who loves me.

[Damon Runyon Theater Narrator]

I want to go straight. I want to forget the old life and build up something new for Muriel and me.

[Dancing Dan]

I gotta do it the hard way.

[Shotgun Sam]

Yeah, it is funny.

[Damon Runyon Theater Narrator]

Okay, tell you what. I'll stay just a couple of minutes. Then I'll take the heat off you two by getting out of here.

[John Brown as Broadway]

Okay?

[Shotgun Sam]

Sure, Dan.

[Damon Runyon Theater Narrator]

You are an all right guy, Broadway. What do you say?

[Muriel O' Neill]

I.

[John Brown as Broadway]

It's Christmas Eve.

[Dancing Dan]

What else can I say?

[Damon Runyon Theater Narrator]

Thanks. Well, Merry Christmas, boys.

[John Brown as Broadway]

It is more than a little uncomfortable. In good time, Charlies. As any minute, we are expecting Shotgun Sam to poke in and end the proceedings. But the half hour goes by and all three of us are beginning to think that everything is all right. When the scene is as follows.

[Shotgun Sam]

That is somebody at the door.

[Dancing Dan]

Yeah, it is.

[John Brown as Broadway]

There's a back way out of here.

[Damon Runyon Theater Narrator]

You think they won't have that covered? Open the door, Charlie.

[John Brown as Broadway]

You crazy?

[Damon Runyon Theater Narrator]

I'm tired of running away. Open the door.

[John Brown as Broadway]

You cannot do this, Dan.

[Dancing Dan]

Step back.

[Damon Runyon Theater Narrator]

I'll open.

[John Brown as Broadway]

No, no, don't.

[Dancing Dan]

Dan.

[Damon Runyon Theater Narrator]

Look, if anything happens, take that package to police headquarters.

[John Brown as Broadway]

Police?

[Damon Runyon Theater Narrator]

Yeah, There's a note in it.

[Dancing Dan]

They'll understand.

[Damon Runyon Theater Narrator]

Now get back out of line.

[Dancing Dan]

Of the do.

[Okie]

Merry Christmas.

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[John Brown as Broadway]

It's City Clues getting somebody who looks like.

[Okie]

Hey, look. Hi, Charlie. Hi, Broadway. Look, it is Okie. Yeah, Okie dressed up like Santa Claus.

[John Brown as Broadway]

Yeah.

[Okie]

I'm glad you opened, Charlie. It's pretty cold outside.

[John Brown as Broadway]

Ookie, what is the idea of the Santa Claus suit?

[Shotgun Sam]

And what is the idea of scaring.

[John Brown as Broadway]

10 years out of us?

[Muriel O' Neill]

Who, me?

[Damon Runyon Theater Narrator]

Oh, it's okay. Okay. You didn't know, but like Broadway asked, what's the idea of the Santa Claus suit?

[Okie]

Well, I'm advertising Fletcher's store. 50 cents an hour I get for walking up and down the streets handing out his big cards.

[Damon Runyon Theater Narrator]

You got yourself a bad cold.

[Okie]

But I'm gonna be all right in a couple of minutes. Just gotta get warm first.

[John Brown as Broadway]

Well, you're crazy. You will get pneumonia if you go out again.

[Okie]

I need the dough bad.

[Damon Runyon Theater Narrator]

You mean you're so broke you gotta walk up and down that Santa Claus suit for half a check an hour? How do you like that, Hiroki?

[John Brown as Broadway]

Drink this, Tom and Jerry.

[Okie]

Yeah, thanks. That's good. It's nice and hot. But, gee, I wish I could stay in here and talk with you, Skies. But I gotta beat it.

[John Brown as Broadway]

You are figuring on going out in the cold?

[Okie]

I need the dough. I ain't got a scent. And my wife's kind of sick. I'd kind of like to bring her a little present this year.

[John Brown as Broadway]

Okie.

[Damon Runyon Theater Narrator]

How long you have to walk around like that?

[Okie]

About till midnight.

[John Brown as Broadway]

Well, it's only 10.

[Shotgun Sam]

Now, you will get soaking wet in the snow in two hours.

[Okie]

I'll stop in the Storefronts and places to get warmed up. Well, gotta get going. Thanks for the Tom and Jerry.

[Damon Runyon Theater Narrator]

Sure.

[Shotgun Sam]

Here. Buy the wife a good present, huh?

[Okie]

Gee, thanks, Charlie.

[John Brown as Broadway]

Yeah. Give her one for me too, huh? Oh, no.

[Damon Runyon Theater Narrator]

Look, I'm making a real Christmas Okie.

[Okie]

Guys, I, I I got a bad cold. Makes me sniffle.

[John Brown as Broadway]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Okie]

Well, gotta get going.

[Damon Runyon Theater Narrator]

Wait. Okay, you got dough now. Why kill yourself for a measly four bits an hour?

[Okie]

Well, it ain't only this job, but Fletch promised me if I'd make good, he'd let me clean up his place overnight. Fifteen a week. And I need a job. So, you see, I gotta do it.

[Damon Runyon Theater Narrator]

No, you don't.

[Okie]

Oh, yeah. Yeah, I do. I've been pretty sick the past year. Couldn't hold no job. But this year's gonna be different. I promised Midge, my wife.

[Damon Runyon Theater Narrator]

Okie, take off that suit, huh?

[Okie]

But, Dan, I got.

[Damon Runyon Theater Narrator]

Take it off.

[John Brown as Broadway]

Dan. What's the idea?

[Damon Runyon Theater Narrator]

I'm not gonna let Ookie walk around with that cold.

[Okie]

Oh, now, please, Dan. I need the job. I'm gonna get.

[John Brown as Broadway]

You get it.

[Damon Runyon Theater Narrator]

Because Fletcher, Santa Claus is gonna walk around.

[Shotgun Sam]

What are you talking about, Dan?

[Damon Runyon Theater Narrator]

Me? I'm gonna be Santa Claus.

[John Brown as Broadway]

Now I hear everything. Dan.

[Okie]

Dan, don't start taking it off.

[Damon Runyon Theater Narrator]

You stay here till you get good and warm, then take a cab back home.

[Okie]

Dan, I won't never forget this.

[Dancing Dan]

I won't either.

[Okie]

Well, I'll have it off in a different.

[John Brown as Broadway]

Dan, you are crazy. You'll be walking around the streets. You'll be a setup for Shotgun. You got a chance if you keep out of sight.

[Damon Runyon Theater Narrator]

I'm gonna make this the best Christmas I ever had. It says, peace on earth, goodwill towards men. Okay, I'm through running away. If Shotgun wants to rub me out on Christmas Eve, let him. I'm not gonna run away anymore.

[Muriel O' Neill]

But what about Muriel?

[John Brown as Broadway]

Why do you not think about her?

[Dancing Dan]

I am. I'm giving her a Christmas present. Yeah.

[Damon Runyon Theater Narrator]

Together we don't have to keep running away by herself.

[Dancing Dan]

She'll do a lot better.

[Damon Runyon Theater Narrator]

Hurry up that suit, ookie. And now back to the Damon Runyon Theater and the famous story Dancing Dan's Christmas.

[John Brown as Broadway]

Well, Dancing Dan puts on Hooky's Santa Claus suit, beard and all. We get a pillow from Good Time Charlie and make Dan look quite a bit like the real thing. And then, just as he is about to leave, the scene is as follows.

[Shotgun Sam]

Now, who is calling me on the phone?

[Damon Runyon Theater Narrator]

Answer it.

[John Brown as Broadway]

Charlie.

[Damon Runyon Theater Narrator]

Yeah, I'll be back in just a second.

[John Brown as Broadway]

Dan, for the last Time. Do not do this.

[Dancing Dan]

I'm doing it for Wookie and Muriel. It's funny, isn't it? Me being Santa Claus.

[John Brown as Broadway]

I tell you, you got a chance.

[Okie]

Hey, Broadway.

[John Brown as Broadway]

Yeah, Charlie, this call is for you. What? For me? But nobody knows I am here.

[Damon Runyon Theater Narrator]

You better take this. Go ahead, Broadway. I'll wait here till you're through.

[John Brown as Broadway]

Yeah, yeah, okay.

[Shotgun Sam]

You are not going to like this, Broadway.

[John Brown as Broadway]

Who is it?

[Shotgun Sam]

Here, take it. I will go back and talk to Big.

[John Brown as Broadway]

Hello, this is Broadway.

[Muriel O' Neill]

Broadway, this is Muriel o'. Neill.

[Dancing Dan]

What?

[Muriel O' Neill]

Charlie told me. Dan's there.

[John Brown as Broadway]

Well, yeah, he is, but how'd you know?

[Muriel O' Neill]

He said he was going to say Merry Christmas to everybody. Broadway, watch him. Don't let him do anything crazy.

[John Brown as Broadway]

Please, Ms. O', Neil, I have no control whatsoever.

[Muriel O' Neill]

Told me what he was going to do. You mustn't let him. Broadway, please.

[John Brown as Broadway]

What is there I can do?

[Muriel O' Neill]

Talk him out of it.

[John Brown as Broadway]

I tried that for a solid half an hour.

[Muriel O' Neill]

Then go with him.

[John Brown as Broadway]

We have a bad connection. I think you say go with him. Yes, it is a very bad connection, Broadway.

[Muriel O' Neill]

Look, it's Christmas. I love the Big Goo. I know what he's thinking and I know what he's doing. Please stay with him, Ms. O'.

[John Brown as Broadway]

Neal. I know it is Christmas and I would like to see what it is like next year too.

[Muriel O' Neill]

Broadway, they. They might not try anything if there's somebody with him. Don't you see?

[John Brown as Broadway]

I do not.

[Muriel O' Neill]

You're afraid. All right, hold him there until I get to him. I'll go with him. Oh, no. Hey, no.

[John Brown as Broadway]

Please.

[Muriel O' Neill]

Hold him there.

[John Brown as Broadway]

Now look, Miss o', Neil. There is no. Miss o'. Neill. Miss O.

[Damon Runyon Theater Narrator]

Step on him, Broadway. I want to get going.

[John Brown as Broadway]

Yeah, I'm coming.

[Damon Runyon Theater Narrator]

Friend of yours on the phone?

[John Brown as Broadway]

Uh huh. A friend of mine. Yeah.

[Shotgun Sam]

Well, what does the friend have to say, Broadway?

[John Brown as Broadway]

Nothing much. Say, Dan?

[Dancing Dan]

Yeah?

[John Brown as Broadway]

I think I will walk a piece with you.

[Dancing Dan]

Huh?

[Damon Runyon Theater Narrator]

You crazy?

[John Brown as Broadway]

I need some air.

[Shotgun Sam]

Broadway, stay here.

[John Brown as Broadway]

I. I have to meet somebody in a little while. Come on, Ben.

[Damon Runyon Theater Narrator]

Okay, I can't stop you. Oh, give me that package, Johnny.

[Shotgun Sam]

What have you got in there, Ben?

[Damon Runyon Theater Narrator]

A Christmas present for the police?

[Dancing Dan]

Come on, Broadway.

[John Brown as Broadway]

Well, so I am crazy. But I do not like to see Ms. Muriel O' Neill taking the chance. So I figure I will go with Dan So that if Ms. O' Neil comes into Charlie's, he will tell her I am with him. We step out into the street. The snow is sparkling under the lights and the bells are ringing. It is a beautiful Christmas Eve and everybody looks happy. But me, I am very sad and more than somewhat jumpy because I expect any minute to hear something that is not Christmas chimes. But we walk up the street and the scene is as follows. Look, Broadway. Did you ever see a night like this? Truthfully?

[Damon Runyon Theater Narrator]

No. Fresh snow on the street, people laughing, talking. What makes people laugh like this? Broadway?

[John Brown as Broadway]

I wish I know.

[Damon Runyon Theater Narrator]

So do I.

[John Brown as Broadway]

Look, Dan, how far do you expect to walk? Not far.

[Damon Runyon Theater Narrator]

Just Amelia's place.

[John Brown as Broadway]

Uriel?

[Dancing Dan]

Yeah?

[Damon Runyon Theater Narrator]

I want to put something in her grandma's stocking.

[John Brown as Broadway]

I do not know what you are talking about.

[Damon Runyon Theater Narrator]

Her grandmother hangs up her stocking every year and gets nothing. But this year she's going to have a good Christmas. Just one before she dies. This year that stocking is going to get something good in it.

[John Brown as Broadway]

Like what? See this package?

[Damon Runyon Theater Narrator]

Know what's in it?

[John Brown as Broadway]

If it is at all like the rest of the this evening. There is a bomb in it.

[Damon Runyon Theater Narrator]

No, no. I made a haul. 50,000 clams worth of jewelry. This is Christmas Eve. And so I figured I'd take it back to the police because I am going straight.

[John Brown as Broadway]

You are walking around in a Santa Claus suit with 50 grand worth of jewelry wrapped up in a newspaper.

[Damon Runyon Theater Narrator]

It's the only paper I can find.

[John Brown as Broadway]

And I am with you.

[Damon Runyon Theater Narrator]

Take it easy, Broadway. No one will think a frisking, Santa Claus and jewelry. Hey, look. Where?

[John Brown as Broadway]

Who?

[Damon Runyon Theater Narrator]

A Salvation army doll. She is not doing a good business.

[John Brown as Broadway]

Come on, Dan. Please let us get in off the street. You now have your fun.

[Damon Runyon Theater Narrator]

I have to pass out these cars for uki. Sure, but meanwhile we're going to drum up a little business for the Salvation Army.

[John Brown as Broadway]

Doc.

[Shotgun Sam]

Merry Christmas.

[John Brown as Broadway]

And the last.

[Damon Runyon Theater Narrator]

Good evening, miss.

[Muriel O' Neill]

Oh, hello there, Santa.

[Damon Runyon Theater Narrator]

I don't see much folding money in that kettle.

[Muriel O' Neill]

Well, people are too busy to stop, I guess.

[John Brown as Broadway]

Uhhuh.

[Damon Runyon Theater Narrator]

Okay, I will see what I can do.

[John Brown as Broadway]

Please let us get off the street.

[Damon Runyon Theater Narrator]

Ah, there's a customer.

[John Brown as Broadway]

Hey, you.

[Damon Runyon Theater Narrator]

Hey, you talking to me?

[John Brown as Broadway]

Uhhuh.

[Damon Runyon Theater Narrator]

You know who I am?

[Shotgun Sam]

You look like Santa Claus to me.

[Damon Runyon Theater Narrator]

I am.

[John Brown as Broadway]

Now you be one.

[Damon Runyon Theater Narrator]

Huh? Put something in the kettle.

[Shotgun Sam]

Now look.

[Damon Runyon Theater Narrator]

No, you look there. Put something in the kettle.

[Shotgun Sam]

I.

[Damon Runyon Theater Narrator]

Well, of course. And see that what you put in doesn't make a tinkly sound. In fact, no sound at all.

[Shotgun Sam]

You were the first Santa Claus I ever seen packing a rod.

[Damon Runyon Theater Narrator]

I'm different.

[Dancing Dan]

Go ahead.

[Muriel O' Neill]

Thank you, sir. Thank you.

[John Brown as Broadway]

He will tell the cops then. Hey, you.

[Dancing Dan]

Come here.

[Damon Runyon Theater Narrator]

I. I put a five dollar bill on the kettle.

[Dancing Dan]

Good. Here's your father.

[Shotgun Sam]

Like what? I don't Understand?

[Dancing Dan]

I don't want the little lady to think that it came from you. Beat it.

[Damon Runyon Theater Narrator]

Oh, sure, sure.

[Shotgun Sam]

S. Thanks very much.

[Damon Runyon Theater Narrator]

Now, let's proceed. Well, here's my last stop, Broadway.

[John Brown as Broadway]

Look. Then forget this business.

[Damon Runyon Theater Narrator]

Oh, no. I still got Grandma o' Neal's stocking to find Phil.

[John Brown as Broadway]

Come on. But Shotgun might be watching here.

[Damon Runyon Theater Narrator]

Oh, what if he is?

[John Brown as Broadway]

He will get you.

[Damon Runyon Theater Narrator]

I'm not going to let Shotgun spoil the best Christmas Eve I've had since.

[John Brown as Broadway]

I was a kid.

[Damon Runyon Theater Narrator]

You coming with me or not?

[John Brown as Broadway]

I. I can't stand out here on the street.

[Damon Runyon Theater Narrator]

Well, then, come on.

[Dancing Dan]

She lives on the second floor. Look, Broadway, you stay back of me. Don't use you get in the tube.

[Shotgun Sam]

That makes good sense.

[John Brown as Broadway]

See anybody? No, I do not like this. It is too quiet.

[Dancing Dan]

Yeah. Well, here we are. See if the door is locked open. Let me go in for first. Be careful. Dan went first. And light the light. Nobody here. Nobody but Grandma o' Neal sleeping.

[John Brown as Broadway]

I do not like this, Van. They will come looking for you.

[Dancing Dan]

Here, let them. Look at her. Broadway sleeping in her chair in that stocking, hanging up. Every year she does that. Now we're going to make it worth a while. Look at that. Yeah, pretty stuff, ain't it? You know, there's a 5,000 reward out for it.

[John Brown as Broadway]

Five? And you're putting it in a stocking?

[Damon Runyon Theater Narrator]

Why not?

[Dancing Dan]

It's nice Christmas present, ain't it? Here we go.

[John Brown as Broadway]

It looks awful funny in that stock. And it's going to take more than little explanation how it gets there.

[Dancing Dan]

It's here that's the main thing. Now, let's get going again.

[John Brown as Broadway]

Where to now?

[Dancing Dan]

Oh, I don't know. But you can go home if you want to.

[John Brown as Broadway]

Yeah, I guess I will.

[Dancing Dan]

She's going to believe it really is Santa Claus.

[Damon Runyon Theater Narrator]

Wait.

[Dancing Dan]

Somebody came in the door in the hall. Coming up here. Get down, Broadway.

[Muriel O' Neill]

Who's that?

[Damon Runyon Theater Narrator]

Muriel?

[John Brown as Broadway]

Ben.

[Muriel O' Neill]

Oh, Dan. Oh, Dan, you crazy fool.

[Dancing Dan]

Honey, everything's all right.

[John Brown as Broadway]

Muriel, did you see anybody? No.

[Muriel O' Neill]

But why did you come here?

[Dancing Dan]

I had something to do.

[Muriel O' Neill]

Honey, please. Dan, you can't stay here. You can't stay in New York.

[Dancing Dan]

What do you want me to do, run away?

[Muriel O' Neill]

What do you care? If that's what it has to be, it's better than being killed.

[Dancing Dan]

I don't think so.

[John Brown as Broadway]

Ms. O' Neill is right, Dan.

[Dancing Dan]

Maybe, maybe not. Now, look, Muriel, you wait five minutes out here in the hall and you.

[Damon Runyon Theater Narrator]

Go in your flat.

[Muriel O' Neill]

But why?

[Damon Runyon Theater Narrator]

Do like I said.

[Muriel O' Neill]

What are you gonna do?

[Dancing Dan]

Dan, I got a great idea.

[Damon Runyon Theater Narrator]

Like I said, Broadway.

[Muriel O' Neill]

Stay with me, Dan.

[John Brown as Broadway]

Don't come after me, Broadway. What's he gonna do, Ms. O'? Neill? I do not know. And even if I do know, I would not understand. Well, we do like Dan Sundays. We wait five minutes and then we go into Muriel's flat. When she sees the jury in the stocking, she makes me tell her what happens. And then she runs out in the street to look for Dan. But he is gone. And it is not until the next day that I hear what happens from Good Time Charlie.

[Shotgun Sam]

Sure, sure, I am telling it straight, Broadway. Dan goes right to the police and tells them he pulled that jewelry job.

[John Brown as Broadway]

And? And he leaves the jewelry. So Muriel will get the reward.

[Shotgun Sam]

That is the way I figure it. But she will not accept it. But now he will get a couple of years at least.

[John Brown as Broadway]

Sure he will.

[Shotgun Sam]

You know, maybe it is better this way. He goes to the clink, but he does not get rubbed out by Shotgun Sam.

[John Brown as Broadway]

Yeah, yeah. But there is something I do not understand.

[Dancing Dan]

What?

[John Brown as Broadway]

Why is it that Muriel does not take the reward money?

[Shotgun Sam]

Dolls are very funny people. Sometimes, Broadway. They are very funny people. She says she will wait for him and they will start all over again.

[John Brown as Broadway]

Like you say, dolls are very funny people. But Charlie, there is something even funnier. Yeah?

[Shotgun Sam]

What is that?

[John Brown as Broadway]

I am not able to figure out why Dan is still alive. And why Shotgun Sam is not watching your place here last night. Or haven't it watched? Like I say, it is hard to figure that out. Anyway, Dane goes to the pen, but he gets a lights sentence because he says he has gone straight. And besides, he gives himself up. He gets out and marries Ms. Muriel O'. Neal. And the last I hear, they are living happily. But that is not the end of the story. And what the end is, I will tell you in a minute. Well, it is a year later that I am once again sitting in Mindy's. It is again Christmas Eve. I look up from my blinters and whom do I see? But Shotgun sank. He was looking at me with a funny look. He comes over and sits down. And the scene is as follows.

[Shotgun Sam]

Hello, Broadway.

[John Brown as Broadway]

Hello, Shotgun.

[Shotgun Sam]

It is just about a year since I saw you last, is it not? Almost exactly Christmas Eve.

[Dancing Dan]

Bless you.

[John Brown as Broadway]

Oh no, you do not see me last Christmas Eve.

[Shotgun Sam]

I see you last Christmas Eve.

[John Brown as Broadway]

You do not see me.

[Shotgun Sam]

You were gonna say something? No, I see you come out of Good Time Charlie's.

[John Brown as Broadway]

You do?

[Dancing Dan]

Uh huh.

[Shotgun Sam]

I'm looking for Dancing Dan. But I'm not looking for him anymore. Because Heinie Schmitz no longer cares for Ms. Muriel O'.

[Dancing Dan]

Neill.

[John Brown as Broadway]

You say you see me last Christmas Eve coming out a good time challenge.

[Dancing Dan]

Yeah.

[Shotgun Sam]

I get a tip the dancing day in his head of there. I get there just as Ookie is going in.

[John Brown as Broadway]

Okie.

[Dancing Dan]

Yeah.

[Shotgun Sam]

I wait and then I see you come out with a feet. I must get a bad steer because dancing there never goes in or comes out.

[John Brown as Broadway]

It must be a bad thing again. Well, I guess I will go now. So long. So long. Oh, and Merry Christmas. A shotgun.

[Damon Runyon Theater Narrator]

And so ends the famous Damon Runyon story. Dancing Dan's Christmas. Listen in again next week for. The damon runyon theater. The Damon Runyon Theater with John Brown as Broadway is directed by Richard Sanville and the stories adapted for radio by Russell Hughes. Vern Carstensen is in charge of production. This is a Mayfair production.

[John Brown as Broadway]

Foreign.

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