Duffy's Tavern 1945-03-30 (165) Archie's All-Star Revue

Summary

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Duffy's Tavern 1945-03-30: "Archie's All-Star Revue"

Podcast: Harold's Old Time Radio
Host: Harolds Old Time Radio
Original Air Date: March 30, 1945
Podcast Release Date: August 22, 2025
Episode Theme:
This episode replays a classic from the Golden Age of Radio: Duffy's Tavern, focusing on Archie's plans for an "All-Star Revue." Archie promises a star-studded show featuring huge celebrities, but as usual, not everything goes according to plan, leading to a string of comedic mishaps and schemes.

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Episode Overview

Archie, the irrepressible manager of Duffy’s Tavern, plans a glittering all-star floor show, advertising appearances by Bob Hope, Bing Crosby, Dinah Shore, Kate Smith, and more. The lineup, arranged by reformed crooked friend (now theatrical agent) Honest Dave Hosinger, is too good to be true—much to the skepticism of the tavern regulars. Over the course of the evening, the big-name guests fail to materialize, prompting Archie and his eccentric staff to improvise the revue themselves, all peppered with rapid-fire wisecracks and absurd logic.

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Key Discussion Points & Comic Situations

1. Archie’s All-Star Ambitions

• Archie’s excitement and skepticism from others:
  • Archie assures Duffy and the staff of a packed show with big entertainment names, based on Honest Dave’s promises.
  • Regulars like Finnegan and Eddie doubt the legitimacy, considering Dave’s shifty background.
  • [01:17] "A big crowd tonight? No, it looks like we ain't being hurt by the Kroof. Well most of our customers is patriotic and realize that they have to carry their load too…" — Archie

2. Finnegan's Faith vs. Reality

• Finnegan’s comic innocence:
  • Finnegan always believes Archie, no matter how outlandish the claim.
  • [03:18] "His dreams is getting better all the time… If Archie says so, that's good enough for me." — Finnegan

3. Honest Dave Hosinger Returns

• Redemption arc played for laughs:
  • Archie defends Dave's sincerity, arguing everyone deserves a second chance despite Dave's crooked past.
  • [04:46] "Could be in bingo. Well, look, Eddie, I know what you're thinking, but I believe every man should be gave another chance. Don't forget, to err is human, but anybody can make a mistake." — Archie

4. Heathcliff Batterswift’s Comeback

• Washed-up comedian’s new act:
  • Heathcliff attempts to impress with tired jokes in hopes of regaining his job.
  • [07:29] "Good evening, ladies and gentlemen… Speaking of doctors, I said to my doctor the other day, doctor, what shall I do? I have water on the knee. And the doctor replied, wear pumps." — Heathcliff Batterswift
  • Archie's scathing putdown:
    • [08:46] "That joke was found tattooed on one of King Solomon's wives." — Archie

5. Gender Banter

• Ms. Duffy and gendered fashion debates:
  • Archie pokes fun at women's clothing; Ms. Duffy defends modern fashion.
  • [10:01]
    • "Oh, you ain't interested in we men's opinion?" — Archie
    • "No." — Vera Fogarty
    • "Then what's the short skirt and a long neck for, ventilation?" — Archie

6. The “All-Star” Floor Show Falls Apart

• Entertainers go missing, improvisation begins:

  • The promised stars are endlessly delayed or absent. Archie and company start cobbling together entertainment from whoever is present.
  • [17:16] "And besides them, do you know who else I got coming down? ... Frank Sinatra, Burns and Allen, Rudy Valli, Nelson Eddy, Harry Hawkins..." — Archie

• Archie's improbable logic on free celebrity appearances:

  • [17:51] "Each free job he works is a deduction from his surtax, which reduces his bracket for $5,000, so that if he works more than 20 free jobs in a year, the government has to pay him a refund. Now, is that clear?" — Honest Dave
  • Archie, baffled: "Ah, are you kidding?"

• Last-minute scratch acts:

  • Finnegan offers his unique “ripping pants” sound effect (14:50), leading to slapstick chaos ([14:58] "Eddie, bring Finnegan a needle and thread." — Archie).
  • Finnegan sings “Sweet Buttercup,” a standout moment for its absurdity ([23:13]–[24:06]).

• Improvised blackout sketch:

  • The staff perform a comedy sketch mimicking the missing celebrity acts, with mistaken identities and ridiculous plot twists ([24:27]–[25:46]).

7. The Big Con – Dave’s “New Talent”

• Dave delivers not a superstar, but a regular:
  • To avoid total disaster, Dave substitutes “Harry Hawkins”—revealed to be Heathcliff Batterswift masquerading as a new act.
  • Archie is swindled into a 10-week contract at $10/week, plus commission—then left with a $5/week job himself ([29:33]–[30:02]).

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On hope vs. delusion:

  • [04:07] "I know, I know. I'm a sucker. I'm an idiot, I'm a jerk." — Archie
  • [04:10] "That's tellin' them, Marge!" — Finnegan

• On sound effects:

  • [14:26] "Sound effects? Oh, I'm great at that, Arch." — Finnegan
  • [14:53] "Now close your eyes and listen." (ripping pants sound) — Finnegan
  • [14:58] "Eddie, bring Finnegan a needle and thread." — Archie

• On being bamboozled:

  • [29:33] "Look, Duffy, I got a terrible confession…we're stuck with Heathcliff batter's wick for 10 weeks at 10 bucks a week… How am I gonna keep up my social position on five bucks?" — Archie

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Timestamps for Key Segments

• Archie’s phone call with Duffy, launch of the episode: [01:17–02:51]
• Finnegan’s Faith in Archie & Floor Show Announcement: [02:51–03:52]
• Archie Explains Dave’s Redemption: [04:15–05:06]
• Heathcliff Batterswift's Comedy Routine: [07:29–08:46]
• Ms. Duffy/Vera Fogarty Banter on Fashion: [09:09–10:27]
• Finnegan’s Sound Effects & Song:
  • Sound Effects: [14:22–14:58]
  • "Sweet Buttercup" Song: [23:13–24:06]
• Improvised Blackout Sketch: [24:27–25:46]
• The Sham Talent Contract & Final Swindle: [28:15–30:02]

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Episode Tone and Style

• Wry, fast-paced banter with a touch of working-class cynicism and gentle slapstick.
• Much of the humor is rooted in wordplay, misdirection, and the persistent optimism of lovable but hapless characters.

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For Listeners New and Old

This episode is a prime example of Duffy’s Tavern’s enduring charm: a mixture of vaudeville, nightclub patter, and the peculiar hopefulness of folks who never quite win but always dream big. Whether you know the era's stars or not, the punchlines and personality quirks need no introduction—everyone’s been in an “All-Star Revue” where the stars never show, and the show just… goes on.

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Transcript

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[Archie]

Hello, Duffy's Tavern, where the elite meets. Aren't you to mind just bacon? Duffy ain't here. Oh hello Duffy. A big crowd tonight. No, it looks like we ain't being hurt by the Kroof. Well most of our customers is patriotic and realize that they have to carry their load too. So now that we're closing early, they get their load on early. In fact Moriarity was so patriotic he was stiff at 4:00 this afternoon. Yeah, well you know the guys kind of kid about the kite route. Yeah, they call it the witching hour. Cause at 12 o' clock they gotta go home to their wives. Say Duffy, you remember my friend Honest Dave Hartinger? Yeah, the crook. Well he has went straight. Yeah, he's become a theatrical agent. And guess who he says he's bringing down here tonight? Bob Hope, Bing Crosby, Eddie Cantor, Dinah Shaw, Kate Smith. Duffy, don't get worried. Well, Dave says they're going to come down or grap free. Yeah, well Duffy, they gotta show up. I got a big sign outside advertising them. Well don't worry, I won't make a bum out of you. They'll be here Duffy foot. Have you got any faith in me or haven't you? Hello.

[Finnegan]

Yes, that big sign outside. Yeah, with them great big red lettuce. Yeah, yeah. Does that mean what it says? Absolutely. What does it say? Well it says tonight at 8:45, big all star floor show. Archie's guest would include Bob Hope, Dean Carsey, Dinosaur Nelson, Jeanette McDonald.

[Archie]

Archie, what a man.

[Finnegan]

His dreams is getting better all the time. I Daddy, is all them stars really coming down here tonight? What must Archie say? They Are. Well, if Archie says so, that's good enough for me. They ain't coming that easy.

[Archie]

Hello, fellas. How you, Finnegan? How's your love life? Well, be patient. Did you hear about the big show here tonight?

[Finnegan]

Yeah, I tell you, are we really going to see all them big stars?

[Archie]

Certainly you'll see them, every one of them. You know, I got a drag. Give me a drag. I'd like to see them too.

[Finnegan]

Ms. Hodges, how can you believe that's phony Hosinger? Now that man is Gypsy.

[Archie]

I know, I know. I'm a sucker. I'm an idiot, I'm a jerk.

[Finnegan]

That's telling them, Marge.

[Archie]

I ain't as scared of him. Oh, well, now look, Eddie, leave us. Look at it logically. Dave Hosinger is a friend of mine who has been a crook. Right? Right. Now he writes me and says he's going straight. Touche, touche. He has became a theatrical agent. Possible.

[Heathcliff Batterswift]

Possible.

[Archie]

And he says to get my goodwill, he's gonna get a lot of big stars to come down here for nothing. Could be, could be. But you think he's pulling something crooked, right?

[Heathcliff Batterswift]

Right.

[Finnegan]

Possible to say.

[Archie]

Could be in bingo. Well, look, Eddie, I know what you're thinking, but I believe that every man should be gave another chance. Don't forget to wear is human. But anybody can make a mistake.

[Finnegan]

Archie, I agree with you. To me you make a lot of sense.

[Archie]

I don't care, Finnegan, I still think I'm right. Now, about this boy show we got. Hey, wait a minute. That guy over there eating a free lunch. Ain't that. Sir, he flipped Banner's wink.

[Finnegan]

Yeah, the comedian. Hey ya. I thought you fired him.

[Archie]

I thought so too. How are we ever gonna get rid of that guy? Let him keep on eating the free lunch. Hey, Sir Heathcliff, what brings you down here?

[Heathcliff Batterswift]

Well, hello, Artie.

[Archie]

Well, as the teaching Tom said to.

[Heathcliff Batterswift]

The chorus girl, I just thought I'd look in on you.

[Archie]

Now look, Heathcliff, if this visit is social, we're glad to see you. If on the other hand, you're gonna try to ease yourself back here.

[Heathcliff Batterswift]

Nothing of the sort, old boy. I'm a philosopher. We had a relationship. It's been terminated. Pit pip. It was his Miss.

[Archie]

Good. But I wanted you to know that it wasn't my fault that you got kismet. It was Duffy, you know.

[Heathcliff Batterswift]

It was, eh?

[Archie]

Oh, sure. I used to defend you. My sister Duffy. Nice. And Duffy, why don't you give St. Heathcliff another chance? You know we're only paying him five Bucks a week. And he ain't a bad guy. So Duffy says. Go on. He's a bum. Well, he'll have to admit that he hadn't. Dad. By the way, you been out looking for another john?

[Heathcliff Batterswift]

No, I've just been resting. My agent does my scurrying around.

[Archie]

Oh, you've got an agent. Of course.

[Heathcliff Batterswift]

I pay him 20%.

[Archie]

20%? Ain't that a lot of dough to be paying him when you're out of work? Well, if I didn't.

[Heathcliff Batterswift]

If I didn't give it to him, I'd have to give it to the government.

[Archie]

Oh, yeah, sure.

[Heathcliff Batterswift]

Besides, I don't expect to be out of work long with my new act.

[Archie]

A new act?

[Heathcliff Batterswift]

Completely new. New joke, new song, new stories. You want to hear it?

[Archie]

News. Well, wait a minute, Heathcliff. You ain't a bad guy. I'll listen to it. But you gotta make me one promise.

[Heathcliff Batterswift]

What?

[Archie]

Well, if I listen to it and I like it, see, and I offer your job back, you gotta promise not to accept.

[Heathcliff Batterswift]

Very well.

[Archie]

It's a deal. Okay. Repeat play. Sir Heathcliff's regular introduction, please. You may fire one, Gridley. Heathcliff.

[Heathcliff Batterswift]

Good evening, ladies and gentlemen. I'm glad to see you again. And speaking of doctors. Speaking of doctors, I said to my doctor the other day, doctor, what shall I do? I have water on the knee. And the doctor replied, wear pumps.

[Archie]

Uh huh.

[Heathcliff Batterswift]

Speaking of hospitals, I happened to be in an operating room recently, and I heard one surgeon say to another surgeon, pardon me, but may I cut in?

[Archie]

I see.

[Heathcliff Batterswift]

And by the way, have you heard about the nurse who was sent to work in a private room because she was too cute for wards?

[Archie]

That one you should call her. That one you should color and hide for Easter. But carry on.

[Heathcliff Batterswift]

During a recent illness of mine, I said to the doctor, doctor, after I am cured, will I be able to play the piano? And the doctor said, why, certainly. I said, well, that's marvelous. I could never play it before. How do you like that one, Archie?

[Archie]

He clip. Is that one of your new jokes? Yes. You ever hear of King Solomon?

[Heathcliff Batterswift]

Why, of course.

[Archie]

That joke was found tattooed on one of his wives. Well, Heathcliff, old man, sorry you have to rush off. Leave us. Have lunch sometime, huh? Good. Well, how about tomorrow? Tomorrow sounds good. Call me next week and we'll confirm it. Excuse me. Hello?

[Finnegan]

Oh, hello.

[Archie]

Bear in, Ms. Duffy. Your girlfriend, Vera Fogarty.

[Vera Fogarty]

Oh, thanks for watching. Oh, hello, Vera dear. I'm glad you called up. I've been busting to talk to you. Huh? My dress. Oh, Well, I tried it on today at Madame Klein's. Well, the skirt is too short and it's too tight around the hips and the neck is cut a mile too low. Oh, simply disgraceful. When do you see me In a Sunday. Vera, we'll walk up the. You're gonna wear gloves? But why not? Vera, I told you a million times you should learn to whistle without your fingers. Okay, Vera. Yeah. Goodbye.

[Archie]

Oh, boy, am I glad I'm not a dame. What stupid looking clothes you dames wear.

[Vera Fogarty]

Archie, I thank you to know that we girls aren't interested in you men's opinions about clothes.

[Archie]

Oh, you ain't interested in we men's opinion?

[Vera Fogarty]

No.

[Archie]

Then what's the short skirt and a long neck for ventilation?

[Vera Fogarty]

Of course not. It's for comfort and health. With the short skirt you can walk easier and faster in case you want.

[Archie]

To catch up with a sailor.

[Vera Fogarty]

Oh, what's the use of listening to you? Your opinion about clothes wouldn't fill a ten foot pole.

[Archie]

Oh, yeah? Well, my lady friends do not subscribe with you, sir. Many a dame has rushed home to change your dress because I have made some pointed criticisms. Such as, Where'd you get the awning? Honey, I don't know about clothes. What about that floor show you advertised? Oh, yeah, that's right. It's getting late. Now stop bothering me, Ms. Stuffy. If I don't get to show started, your own man will be tearing me hair out. Hey, Eddie, what are you doing? You've been sweeping that same spot for 10 minutes now.

[Finnegan]

Yeah, well, this is where the entertainers is going to work, see?

[Heathcliff Batterswift]

I got to clean it up.

[Archie]

Oh yeah? Well, what kind of shape is the floor in? Well, I don't know. I ain't come to it yet. Well, you better keep digging. There must be something between us and the cellar.

[Finnegan]

Hi, Arch. Is there any chance of me getting in on this floor?

[Archie]

Joe? Finnegan, what do you know about show business?

[Finnegan]

Oh, you'll forget that I worked two years in the theater.

[Archie]

In a theater?

[Finnegan]

Yes, yes, and I was a very important member of the company.

[Archie]

And unfortunately. Then why did they let you go?

[Finnegan]

Well, the war came along and we couldn't get no more Hershey bars.

[Archie]

A Hershey hops. There.

[Finnegan]

Look, Art, can't you use my talent somewhere in the show tonight?

[Archie]

Well, let me see, I don't know, but could you do sound effects?

[Finnegan]

Sound effects? Oh, I'm great at that, Arch.

[Archie]

Hey, listen. Horsesh. Hoofs. That's pretty good, Finnegan, but how much of that pounding can your Head stand.

[Finnegan]

Don't you worry. I can gallop on my head for hours. I got another great sound effect. This one is just panic.

[Archie]

What is it?

[Finnegan]

The ripping pants.

[Archie]

Rippin pants. Yeah.

[Finnegan]

Now close your eyes and listen.

[Archie]

Hey, that was very clever. How did you, uh. Oh, Eddie, bring Finnegan a needle and thread. Hello. Well, look, Duffy, I can't stop the showing. You gets in with the stars. Well, you can't expect me to make a silk purse without a cell, huh? Well, so the customers can wait another couple of minutes. Time don't mean nothing to these guys. They've done too much of it. Why, sure.

[Finnegan]

Well, hello, Duffy.

[Archie]

Hasn't you just come in? The show'll start any minute, I guarantee you. Okay, listen in, huh, Duffy? Okay. Hey, Dave, you did show up. I certainly. Arch, I wouldn't let you down. Well, you know, I just thought that maybe. Arch, I have reformed. Besides, you have always been one of my favorite people. The first time I ever laid eyes on you, I took quite a fancy to you. Just old pigeon fancier. Quiet, Eddie. Tell me more, Dave. Do you really like me?

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[Archie]

Yes, sir.

[Finnegan]

Eyes.

[Archie]

That's why I came down here tonight, to extend the helping hand of friendship. Thanks, Dave. By the way, where are they? Who? The stars. Oh, the stars, yes. Now just a second, Hostinger. I hope that is the hand of friendship you're extending and not a finger. You sure this ain't some new kind of a swindle? Ah, tell me, how could I swindle you by bringing these stars down here? Tell me how. Look, Dave, I can't tell you how to run your business. All I can say is get them down here. I already promised up to Yeti Cantor, Dinah Shaw, Kate Smith, srt. Sedettra. Sedettra. Well, they better be here.

[Finnegan]

Well, they'll be here.

[Archie]

And besides them, do you know who else I got coming down? Who? Frank Sinatra, Burns and Allen, Rudy Valli, Nelson Eddy, Harry Hawkins, Jeanette McDonald boy. Nelson Eddy, Harry Hawkins, Jeanette McDonald. Who is Harry Hawkins? A new sensation on. Oh, very clever. A new client of mine. Oh, well, we'll stick them in. Now, look, Dave, I want to ask you something. Now, maybe I'm stupid, but go ahead. AR well, how could all of these big shots afford to come down here to work for free? Oh, very simple, Arch. It cuts down their income tax. I beg your pardon? Well, you see, when Bing Crosby works free, he loses $5,000, which he deducts from his accrued tax. Now, say his tax is 100,000. That is, without the tax. We'll help the source. Each free job he works is a deduction from his surtax, which reduces his bracket for 5,000, so that if he works more than 20 free jobs in a year, the government has to pay him a refund. Now, is that clear? Ah, are you kidding? Of course.

[Finnegan]

Hello?

[Archie]

Well, not yet, Duffy. But they'll be here any minute now. Certainly. They'd be suckers not to. You see, if they worked, it, say, taxes, the withholding source 100 grand from their accrued refund. Good. And this deduces them into a bracket, so they gotta come down. You see, by working for nothing, they make a fortune. Okay, Duffy. Well, Dave, I hope to get here soon. And by the way, to show you what a showman I am, I got the Order of the Axe. It's all wrote out.

[Finnegan]

You have?

[Archie]

Aren't that very clever of you? You know, you're a man of many facets. Well, thanks, Dave, but I ain't always so clever. You know, like 12 facets, I run hot and cold. Well, boy, you're sure hot tonight. Thanks, Dave. Yes, sir.

[Vera Fogarty]

Well, if it isn't Mr. Harringer, eh?

[Archie]

Now, look, lady, when I sold you that fur coat, I thought it was real silver fox, and you bonded it.

[Finnegan]

You.

[Archie]

Oh, oh.

[Finnegan]

Oh, it's you, Miss Darby.

[Archie]

Good evening.

[Vera Fogarty]

Good evening, Mr. Harpinger. I understand you're a theatrical agent now.

[Archie]

That's right.

[Vera Fogarty]

Well, you know, I'm a soprano. Do you think there's a market for a voice like mine?

[Archie]

Well, I see it. Well, now, Ms. Duffy, I don't know if there is a market for that. Well, Dave, what about the farmers market?

[Vera Fogarty]

Mr. Smart? Well, maybe I'm not a Janette McDonald.

[Archie]

Hey, that reminds me, Dave, where are the size. I can't understand it. I can't understand it either. Wait, let me make a phone call.

[Finnegan]

Hello, is this Crossy there?

[Archie]

Oh, Bing, Bing, this is Hy D. Coming down.

[Finnegan]

Oh, why not?

[Archie]

Well, maybe we can make it another job. What's the matter? There's nobody home and he doesn't want to leave the Oscar alone. But don't worry, Art, you still leave this. Let's see. Bob Hope, Eddie Cantor, Dinah Shaw, Rudy Valle, Nelson Eddy, Harry Hawkins and Jeanette Pagan. Hello?

[Finnegan]

Hello, Duffy?

[Archie]

What? But Duffy. Duffy. Dave says I gotta start the show right away or I'm fired. But they'll be here any minute. Okay, but I gotta put something on in the meantime, no matter who it is. Hey, Sam. Sa. Okay, Eddie, get ready to go on. All right, I'll announce you now. Ladies and gentlemen, we now give you a famous singer, a man that is down there as good as Rudy Valley.

[Finnegan]

I might call me sweet Buttercup Dear little Buttercup Although I could never tell.

[Archie]

Why.

[Finnegan]

They call me sweet But Buttercup, dear little Buttercup Sweet little Buttercup how they call me sweet Buttercup? I ain't nothing but buttercup Although I don't know the reason why as they say I'm sweet Buttercup My name is Buttercup and sweet little Buttercup I. That's all.

[Archie]

Hello? What?

[Finnegan]

Duffy?

[Archie]

Yep, I agree with you. Yep, he's the same old Rudy. Yeah. Well, will you hear the next act, Duffy? And now, folks, we present a little blackout sketch that will be played by a well known group of stars who are taking the place of Bob Hope, Eddie Cantor, George Burns and Gracie Allen. Our scene is a luxurious upstairs penthouse on Lower Park Avenue. Music, please.

[Vera Fogarty]

Come in.

[Archie]

Darling dearest, come to my arm.

[Vera Fogarty]

Oh, it's my boyfriend. Quick, hide in the closet.

[Archie]

Okay, come in. Darling dearest, come to my aunt.

[Vera Fogarty]

Oh, it's my boyfriend. Quick, hide in the closet.

[Archie]

Okay, come in.

[Finnegan]

Darling. It's me.

[Vera Fogarty]

Dearest. At last. Come to my arms.

[Finnegan]

Let cheek bike. Look it, dude. I'll call room service. Hello, Room service. Turn up some hamburgers. Yeah, I want onions on mine. Honey, you want onions on yours?

[Vera Fogarty]

Yes, dear.

[Finnegan]

Hey. Hey, there's somebody in that closet.

[Archie]

Oh, no.

[Finnegan]

Oh, no. Let me open that door.

[Vera Fogarty]

Aha.

[Finnegan]

Well, what do you two guys gotta say? No onions on ours. Oh, wow. Room service. Only two onions.

[Archie]

Watch out. Hello.

[Finnegan]

What? Duffy?

[Archie]

Certainly that was Bob Hope. You thought it was Finnegan, Duffy. If that was Clifton Finnegan, I hope you choke. Hey, Dave, Duffy is beginning to get wise. You gotta do something, Archie. Don't quit. You believed in me before, didn't you? Well, now, Arch, you must have the courage of your convictions. Well, I'd have a little more courage if you hadn't had so many convictions. Well, okay, here goes. Ladies and gentlemen, our next attraction is them two famous Love Bird Singers. And believe me, I wish there was.

[Finnegan]

Nelson eddie and Jeanette McDonald.

[Archie]

We hunt.

[Vera Fogarty]

We hunt, we cry Will you love me ever?

[Finnegan]

Hello? Duffy. Now, take it easy.

[Archie]

Relapse.

[Finnegan]

Well, you couldn't do that to your daughter.

[Archie]

Anyway, that'd be my turn aside. I'm fired. Now, look, Duffy, you can't do that.

[Finnegan]

Duffy, please, give me one more chance.

[Archie]

Archie.

[Finnegan]

Archie, the talent is here. Hold it, Duffy. How did you just come in with the real talent? I told you he'd come through.

[Archie]

Who's here? Dave Burns and Allen? Rudy Valley?

[Finnegan]

Eddie Canton?

[Archie]

No, Harry Hawkins. I'll call you back, Duffy. Dave. Listen. Believe me, Archie, this Hawkins will be great. I got him in the back room making up so he can go on right away. Now, look.

[Finnegan]

I see.

[Archie]

Duffy will love him so much, he'll forget about everything else. Yeah. Well, then what are we waiting for, Davis? Put the guy right on, though. Just a second. Arch Hawkins is my client, and he'll have to be paid his regular salary. 10 bucks a week. Okay, Dave. It's a deal. And a contract for 10 weeks. Okay, Dave. And one week's salary in advance. Okay, Dave. Here. 10 bucks. Now. Now, let's see. Before you close the register. Did we forget something? Oh, yes, yes. My commission. Your commission? How much is it? How much is in the register? 20 bucks. Well, you're an old friend of mine. I'll take it. Okay, Dave. Here. 20 bucks. Okay. Well, Hawkins, you're on. Nice roll, Mr. Hawkins. Introduction. Music, if you please. Heathcliff Batterswift.

[Finnegan]

That dirty hussinger ain't done it again. Hello, Duffy.

[Archie]

Duffy. Hey, look, Duffy, I got a terrible confession. Yep. Well, I'm sorry, Duffy, but you see, we're stuck with Heathcliff batter's wick for 10 weeks at 10 bucks a week. What? Oh, gee. Gee, it's nice of you to take it so calm, Duffy. You know, I thought I. Huh? I get 15 bucks a week and you're gonna. But, Duffy.

[Finnegan]

Hello.

[Archie]

How am I gonna keep up my social position on five bucks? This is the Armed Forces Radio, sir.