Duffys Tavern 1950-12-22-Annual Christmas Skit

Summary

Podcast Summary: Duffy's Tavern 1950-12-22 – Annual Christmas Skit

Podcast: Harold's Old Time Radio
Host: Harold's Old Time Radio
Episode: Duffy’s Tavern, Annual Christmas Skit
Air Date: December 20, 2025 (original episode: December 22, 1950)

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Episode Overview

This episode features a classic holiday-themed radio comedy from the Golden Age of Radio: the 1950 "Annual Christmas Skit" from Duffy’s Tavern. The tavern's regulars prepare for their big Christmas Eve party, wrangle with gifts and yuletide decor, and attempt to rope a distinguished guest, Charles Coburn, into playing Santa Claus. Through witty banter and character-driven humor, the episode pokes fun at holiday traditions while ultimately delivering a heartfelt message about the spirit of Christmas.

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Key Discussion Points and Scenes

1. Setting the Scene: Christmas Preparations at the Tavern

• Archie (the bartender/manager) is orchestrating the Christmas bash, painting a sign and strategizing ways to make the tavern look festive (00:17).
  • Notably, he announces, “Jumbo Monstrous Christmas party at Duffy’s tavern. Dancing, entertainment, favors for ladies, Eight course dinner, Charles Coburn and Santa Claus. Priced the couple $1. Well, I know the price is silly, but it’s Christmas eve, so let’s clip him a little bit.” (00:26)
• Eddie (the waiter) helps decorate with a very tavern-esque touch—he uses tomatoes for the red and liverwurst for the green in the free lunch display (01:56).
• Their Christmas spirit extends to sending holly sprigs with bills to customers in arrears.

2. Archie’s “Annual Christmas Poem”

• Archie wants to write a festive poem on the mirror with soap.
• He reads his “trochee” mood poem to Eddie—full of classic goofy wordplay:
  • “Merry Christmas to you. Be of Bright cheer and joyous. Leave us yule a log on the fire and leave not north annoy us. Come lift your beakers and quaff us a skull. Put Pringles abroad in the snow. I quaff lads and laugh lads. Ha ha. He he ho ho.” (02:57)
• Eddie retorts that it’ll “go beautifully with that cracked mirror,” playing up the running joke about the tavern’s shabby state.

3. Christmas Day Off—and Cheapness of Duffy

• Ms. Duffy delivers a message: they get Christmas Day off...but only docked for half a day (04:37).
• Archie remarks on Duffy’s legendary stinginess:
  • “Is it true that your father is learning to walk on his hands so he can save the cost of shoe leather? What a cheap crumb.” (04:57)
• The banter about family gifts leads to Archie suggesting boxing gloves for Ms. Duffy’s parents; she insists they’re in love because “How else could they stand each other?” (05:36).

4. Romantic Hopes Under the Mistletoe

• Ms. Duffy wants to hang “seven mistletoes... Out of respect to our guest tonight,” referring to Charles Coburn (05:54).
• Determined to catch his eye, she says, “So wherever I’m standing, he won’t have to run too far to get to me.” (06:01)
• Sarcastic quips fly about the practicality of mistletoe and cheap gifts, including Ms. Duffy’s disappointment with a pint of $2 perfume instead of a fur coat.

5. Finnegan and Wilfred: The ‘Genius’ Brother

• The conversation shifts when Finnegan introduces his “genius” brother Wilfred, “the black sheep...with the brains.” (08:17)
• Wilfred is a precocious, literal-minded boy who brings clever retorts and high vocabulary:
  • E.g., “They’re not learning me. They’re teaching me.” (11:46)
  • On nutrition: “I received sufficient nourishment, thank you.” (11:57)
  • Latin quip: “Moratori, Tess Alamus—We who are about to die salute you.” (13:10)

6. The Arrival of Charles Coburn

• Coburn arrives to much fanfare. Archie flatters him as a “perfect Santa Claus,” but Coburn’s sardonic humor stands out:
  • “At my age, I’m glad to be anywh[ere].” (14:47)
• When Ms. Duffy introduces herself, Coburn deadpans: “You have my deepest sympathy.” (15:58)
• Ms. Duffy flirts, Coburn parries:
  • Ms. Duffy: “Do you think you could be happy with a girl like me on your lap?” (16:21)
  • Coburn: “You know something? You’re nearsighted.” (16:16)
• Mistakenly, Finnegan kisses Coburn under the mistletoe, to which Coburn comments: “At least she didn’t have a cigar in her mouth.” (17:20)

7. Recruiting a Santa Claus

• Archie tries to convince Coburn to play Santa at their party. Initially Coburn refuses:
  • “Me spend my Christmas in this rodent rotisserie? Absolutely not.” (18:15)
• Archie persists, using the threat of more mistletoe and Ms. Duffy’s amorous pursuits to persuade him; Coburn eventually relents and playfully bellows “Ho, ho, ho. On, Dancer. On, Prancer...” (18:57, 19:10)

8. Debating the Existence—and Meaning—of Santa Claus

• Wilfred, the “child genius,” challenges Coburn-as-Santa with skeptical questions and scientific facts:
  • “Santa Claus is an ancient superstition and a throwback to pagan mythology.” (20:02)
  • On Arctic life: “The average temperature of the North Pole is estimated at 70 to 90 degrees below zero Fahrenheit.” (20:22)
• Archie tries to salvage the myth, arguing that “Santa Claus...it’s something inside of all of us, kid, that if we’re right guys will turn each one of us into a Santa Claus. Where every guy loving his fellow guy and working with him to bring good in the world and maybe peace.” (22:43)

9. Christmas Surprise, Poignant Closing

• Archie receives a Christmas present from Duffy—an autographed picture of Duffy himself (23:47), echoing Archie’s own gift idea earlier.
• The episode closes on Archie’s bittersweet reflection:
  • “Maybe there ain’t no real Santa Claus with no red coat jumping down chimneys, but I believe it.” (24:17)

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• Archie on tavern décor:
  “All red and green... What did you use for the red? Tomatoes. What’d you use for the green? The liverwurst.” (01:56)
• Archie’s cheesy poetry:
  “I quaff lads and laugh lads. Ha ha. He he ho ho.” (03:21)
• Coburn’s age joke:
  “At my age, I’m glad to be anywh[ere].” (14:47)
• Ms. Duffy’s flirtation:
  “Mr. Do you think you could be happy with a girl like me on your lap?” (16:21)
  Coburn: “You’re nearsighted.” (16:16)
• Wilfred, precocious and skeptical:
  “Moratori, Tess Alamus—We who are about to die salute you.” (13:10)
  “Santa Claus is an ancient superstition and a throwback to pagan mythology.” (20:02)
• Archie’s Christmas message:
  “There is something that a kid like you should get wise. Something that kind of makes people do wonderful things for each other at Christmas time...It’s something inside of all of us, kid, that if we’re right guys will turn each one of us into a Santa Claus.” (22:43)
• Closing line:
  “Maybe there ain’t no real Santa Claus with no red coat jumping down chimneys, but I believe it.” (24:17)

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Timestamps for Important Segments

• 00:17–02:57: Christmas decorations and Archie’s annual Christmas poem
• 04:37–05:36: Ms. Duffy brings news about Christmas time off; jokes about Duffy’s frugality
• 06:01–08:17: Mistletoe antics and cheap Christmas gifts
• 08:17–13:14: Arrival of Finnegan’s genius brother Wilfred, witty banter about intelligence
• 14:27–18:15: Charles Coburn arrives, comic introductions and mis-kissed mistletoe
• 18:27–19:45: Archie and Ms. Duffy persuade Coburn to play Santa
• 20:02–22:43: Wilfred deconstructs the Santa myth, Archie delivers heartfelt holiday reflection
• 23:47–24:17: Archie receives Duffy’s present, reflects on the true meaning of Santa Claus

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Conclusion

This vintage episode combines rapid-fire, vaudevillian humor with wisecracks about frugality, romance, and clever kids, all wrapped around a classic radio barroom and its quirky cast. In its final moments, the episode offers a surprisingly touching meditation on goodwill and generosity, spotlighting the enduring, collective “Santa Claus” spirit at Christmastime.

Transcript

[A]

Hello. Duffy's Tavern. Where the elite meets e dodgy to mind you speaking. Duffy ain't here. Oh, well, Duffy. Well, I'm busy painting a Christmas eve sign. It says jumbo Monstrous Christmas party at Duffy's tower tavern. Dancing, entertainment, favors for ladies, Eight course dinner, Charles kolbin and Santa Claus. Priced the couple $1. Well, I know the price is silly, but it's Christmas eve, so let's clip him a little bit. That's right, Duffy. Charles Kolbein, the fake portly gentleman with a sharp tongue. You know, sort of a floated clifton. We, yeah, very distinguished and aristocratic looking. And guess what he wears. Well, what does a gentleman look through with only one eye? No, not a keyhole. Coburn wears a monochrome. You know, just like them Englishmen. Only instead of a lip, it helps him keep a stiff up awry. Why did I ask him to come down? Well, you know, for the Christmas party we're gonna need somebody to play sant and, you know, things is a little slow in Hollywood, so I figure for a few bucks and a free meal, he'll jump at the chance. Okay, I'll call you back, Duffy. Now, Eddie, leave us. Make the joint real nice and Christmassy, huh? All red and green. Well, I already started. How?

[B]

I rearranged the free lunches.

[A]

Oh, good. What did you use for red? Tomatoes. What'd you use for the grain? The liverwurst. That's such a deep green. How come you didn't use the lettuce? Well, that's purple. I'm saving that for Easter. Well, when you get finished, I think I have another cute little yuletide touch. Eddie, you know them reminders we send to our delinquent accounts? The ones where we say, pay off in 10 days, you swindling skunk, or we'll throw you in the clink? Yeah. Get this. With each letter, I'm enclosing a sprig of holly. Now, let's see. Oh, yeah. Oh, Eddie, can we take a soap? Huh? Soap? Yeah, soap.

[B]

You got a new girl?

[A]

No. Well, then what do you want with soap? Well, I want to write a poem on the mirror. You know me annual Christmas poem. Oh, you got a new one? Yep, and this one is terrific getting. You know, in the past, I have always used my. But this year I. I felt more in a trochee mood, and it came out much better. What's the troky? He used more colons. Would you like to hear the pal, Matty? Have I got any choice? No. Yes. Okay. Listen. Merry Christmas to you. Be of Bright cheer and joyous Leave us yule a log on the fire and leave not north annoy us. Come lift your beakers and quaff us a skull. Put Pringles abroad in the snow. I quaff lads and laugh lads. Ha ha. He he ho ho. Well, Eddie, what do you think of them? Ha ha. He he ho ho. In other words, words, It'll go beautifully with that cracked mirror. Eddie, give me that soap. And while I'm writing a poem, I want you to hang up them wreaths here. We'll hang them? Well, leave one dangle over each table. Well, that'll save time. What do you mean? After the customer's finish eating, we can lay the wreath right on his chest. Eddie, don't be such a go, will you? Yeah.

[C]

Ms. Duffy, I have a message from Papa. He says that on Christmas we don't do much business here anyway, so you and Eddie can take Christmas Day off.

[A]

Gee, that's nice.

[C]

And he says that on account of its Christmas.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

He'll only dock you for half a day.

[A]

Ms. Duffy, is it true that your father is learning to walk on his hands so he can save the cost of shoe leather? What a cheap crumb.

[C]

Archie, you just don't understand Papa. He really has a very lovable character. It's just that he's so nasty, nobody notices it.

[A]

And what are you getting this lovable character character for Christmas?

[C]

Oh, I don't know. I was thinking to get something that Papa and Mama could both use. Something practical.

[A]

How about a set of boxing gloves?

[C]

Don't be ridiculous. Mama and Papa happen to be very much in love.

[A]

How do you figure that?

[C]

They've got to be in love. How else could they stand each other? By the way, Archie, where do you think is the best place for me to hang these mistletoes?

[A]

Mistletoes? How many you got there? Let's see. 1, 2, 3, 4, 5. Why are you hanging seven mistletoes?

[C]

Out of respect to our guest tonight.

[A]

Charlie Cobain.

[C]

Yeah, I figure he isn't as young.

[A]

As he used to be.

[C]

So wherever I'm standing, he won't have to run too far to get to me.

[A]

Stuffy, I'm afraid you're making the wish the grandfather to the thought.

[C]

Oh, no, I'm not. The last time he was down here, I noticed a very warm look in his eye.

[A]

Are you kidding? He ain't in a warm, warm look in his eye for 40 years. Last time he did have one, it steamed up his monocle so he couldn't see what he was Getting hot about any? And how come you're making passes at Toburn? What about that boyfriend of yours, that Rodney Hay binder?

[C]

Oh, him.

[A]

What's the trouble?

[C]

I just found out what he's getting me for Christmas. A $2 bottle of perfume. Did you ever hear of anything so che a minute?

[A]

$2 for perfume? Might not be cheap. All depends. Is it a quarter or a fifth?

[C]

Marty, everybody knows that perfume doesn't come in quarts or fifths. This is a pint.

[A]

$2 a pint. It ought to be at least 80 proof. What did you expect?

[C]

Well, I thought he'd at least get me a fur coat. Maybe an alligator.

[A]

Alligator bag. What would you do with it? You ain't got an alligator. Well, thank goodness I ain't got no problems about Christmas. I'm giving all my James the same present. What a nice, practical gift. And yet very attractive.

[C]

What is it?

[A]

My picture. I was going past this snapshot parlor the other day, and I had six lovely portraits made here. Take a look.

[C]

Seems a shame to waste these pictures on Christmas. They're such a natural for Halloween. Hello, Arch.

[A]

Oh, are you Finnegan? Well, it looks like it's Christmas again, huh? It is. Yeah. H seems like only last year.

[C]

Hey, Arch, guess who's here with me tonight.

[A]

Oh, me brother Wilfred. Wilfred? Is that the tall, fat, ugly one? No, that's the mother Wilber thinking, brother. You know, the black sheep in the field. The black sheep? Yeah, the one with the brains. Oh, that one. Oh, yeah, yeah. The one with the high Q. The what? The high Q. It's the way to measure brains. In other words, high Q is a scientific nickname for a genius. You know, liberally translated means intelligent quadruped.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Huh. What a bum break. The rest of our family are just.

[B]

Average, normal people like me.

[A]

And poor Wilford. Had to be a genius. Well, you got to take the bitter with the sweet, Finnegan. When did you first find out about it? Well, the first time we realized he was abnormal was when we see him reading the newspaper without moving his lips. Well, Well. Us hope for the best. Maybe the kid will just turn out.

[B]

To be a ventriloquist.

[A]

Excuse me. Hello? Hello, Duffy? Huh? You just sent me a package. But I shouldn't open till Christmas. It's a present. Wait a minute. Are you sure this is Duffy? Well, Duffy, I'm positively wound over. Thanks a lot. By the way, I'm putting my present in the mail to you today, too. Yeah, it's nice to know that we feel this way about each other at Christmas. Time. You know that one backwashes the other. Yeah. Well, thanks a lot, Duffy. Let me see. Eddie, what can I get Duffy for Christmas? Where? Europa. I got it. I'll send him one of me portraits.

[B]

I didn't think you hated him that much.

[A]

Now, let's see. I think I'll autograph me portrait by saying something nice to Duffy. Let's see. To my lovable employer, Duffy, in fond appreciation of all I have done for you. Designed Hot. Wonder what he's given me, Eddie? What do you guess? I don't know. Maybe some silk shirts, nice striped bathrobe. Polo outfit. No, no. He knows I don't play polo.

[B]

That would also eliminate the bathroom.

[A]

Eddie, one does not play polo in a bathrobe.

[C]

Hey, Art.

[A]

Yeah? Finnegan. Here's me brother Wilfred.

[C]

You remember him? Oh, yeah.

[A]

Well, how are you, little Wilfred? Why, you certainly have been growing.

[C]

Doesn't that strike you as an entirely normal procedure?

[A]

Well, that's how it goes. Now, tell me, how's things in school, Wilfred? Are your teachers learning you much stuff?

[C]

Archie, they're not learning me. They're teaching me.

[A]

Well, that's what they're after. Well, you're certainly looking fine, Wilfred. Very manly. Are you eating good?

[C]

Yes, I received sufficient nourishment, thank you.

[A]

Well, you got to eat good if you want to grow up to be a strong man like your Uncle Archie. You know how I got this physique of mine?

[C]

Malnutrition?

[A]

Yes, sir, and plenty of it. Hey, always eat lots of bread, potatoes, pancakes.

[C]

Well, I'm on a diet that prohibits carbohydrates.

[A]

Carbo what? Rates.

[C]

Carbohydrates.

[A]

Oh, hold on. Yeah, tell me, what's them things again, Starks? Oh, yeah, it was like in the tip of me, son. Yeah, what about them?

[C]

My position doesn't permit me to have starches.

[A]

Well, that's right. Well, but starches ain't good for you. They make your stomach stiff. I tell you what, why don't you go over and nibble yourself some of the free lunch, huh?

[C]

Free lunch?

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

Very well. Moratori, Tess Alamus.

[A]

What does that mean?

[C]

We who are about to die salute you.

[A]

A wise crack in dead language. It's you, Finnegan. Yeah, Lord Finnegan. Get this Greek Milton Foil away from me before I knock his Glock off. Small rhetorium salami, Thomas, for me doci. Huh? Ain't that Charles Coburn coming in? Oh, yeah, that's Charlie. And look at him, Addie. What a perfect Santa Claus you might, huh? That ruddy complexion that Roly Foley figure. That plump Fay Winter, the perfect Santa Claus, except for one thing. What? That sack in the back is a little too low. Slump. Well, greetings, Mr. Cobine. Mr. Coburn, it's a distinct privilege to humble your gracious presence to the inner confines of this immortal sanctum. Oh, shut up. Well.

[B]

Where'S Duffy?

[A]

He's home. He's smart. This guy's gonna make a lovable Santa Claus. Mr. Cockburn, you're acting kind of strange here, ain't you? Ain't you glad to be here at the tavern? Well, yes, I am, thank you.

[B]

At my age, I'm glad to be anywh.

[A]

What do you mean, your age? You ain't changed a bit since I last seen you.

[B]

Well, you don't look so hot yourself.

[A]

Laugh a minute, Charlie. They come. Well, nevertheless, we're glad to see you on this return visit.

[B]

Return visit?

[A]

Yeah. You've been here before? Impossible.

[B]

One doesn't do this sort of thing twice.

[A]

Charlie, you was here about two years ago. Amazing.

[B]

I've been telling my psychiatrist it was only a dream.

[A]

You know what? Your age dreams is a lot more fun, ain't they?

[B]

What?

[A]

Sorry? No, intense. Offended. I'm really very sorry.

[C]

How about introducing me?

[A]

Introduce yourself.

[C]

Okay. Oh, Mr. Cockburn, sir, I am Ms. Duffy.

[B]

You have my deepest sympathy.

[C]

Likewise, I'm sure. You know something?

[A]

What?

[C]

You're handsome.

[B]

You know something?

[A]

What?

[B]

You're nearsighted.

[C]

Mr. H. Do you think you could be happy with a girl like me on your lap?

[A]

Are you kidding? A guy'd be happy if he just had a laugh.

[C]

Archie, you stay out of this. Oh, Mr. Coburn.

[A]

What is it?

[C]

Look where I'm standing. Right under the mistletoe.

[A]

So what?

[C]

Well, are you going to kiss me?

[B]

I tell you what, you hang from the ceiling and I'll kiss the mistletoe.

[A]

Incidentally, Charlie, come on over and take a look at our mistletoe. I'll hold off Ms. Duffy with a salad for him. Very well. Good.

[C]

Hey, look who's under the mistletoe. Finnegan.

[A]

Ouch. Finnegan, you just kissed Charlie Coburn. And without an introduction.

[B]

Sorry, Arch. I guess I've gone Hollywood.

[A]

Charlie, maybe you should have settled for Miss Duffy.

[B]

Well, yes. At least she didn't have a cigar in her mouth.

[C]

That can be arranged.

[A]

Get out of here. To both of you. Imagine kissing Charlie Corn. Yeah, I guess I'll hate myself in the morning.

[B]

Well, Archie, don't think this hasn't been peculiar, but.

[A]

Look, Charlie, don't go yet. Tell me, what are you Doing Christmas Eve.

[B]

Christmas Eve?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Well, we have an old custom in our family, Archie. I always take grandma to the fights.

[A]

That's very sweet, but this time, why don't you let the dame go stag? Here's what I had in mind. We need a Santa Claus for our Christmas party, and I was thinking if we got some whiskers for you, that maybe.

[B]

Now, now, now, now, now, now, wait a minute. Me spend my Christmas in this rodent rotisserie.

[A]

Ro. You won't do it, huh?

[B]

Absolutely not.

[A]

You won't, huh? All missed. D. Mistletoe time.

[C]

Oh, good. Don't move, Mr. Cowberg.

[A]

Oh, jingle bells. Not bad. Again. Okay, then. Look, Charlie, you're dead. The joint is loaded with mistletoe, and you ain't got a chance unless I protect you. So what do you say? Will you or will you not be Santa Claus? Ho, ho, ho.

[B]

On, Dancer. On, Prancer, on Don.

[A]

Charlie, believe me, you love playing Santa Claus Christmas Eve. Giving out toys to all them little kids. Don't forget, you was a kid once yourself, wasn't you?

[B]

There's no record of it.

[A]

Well, they probably didn't keep records in them days. Come on, Charlie. You'll feel better just as soon as you talk to one of these kids and see what it's like. Hey, wait a minute. Hey, Finnegan, is your kid brother Wilfred still here?

[C]

Yeah, he's right here, Arch.

[A]

Good. Hey, Wilford, come here. I'd like you to meet Sam. Well, well.

[C]

Not the Santa Claus.

[B]

That's right, young man.

[A]

Ho, ho, ho.

[B]

Well, son, I'll be coming down the chimney Christmas Eve. Down your chimney?

[C]

Thank you very much, but we have an oil burner.

[A]

Wilfred, look, don't you believe in Santa Claus?

[C]

Santa Claus is an ancient superstition and a throwback to pagan mythology.

[A]

Does that mean he does or he don't?

[C]

Enough of this nonsense. Mr. Claus.

[A]

Yes?

[C]

I understand you live up the North Pole.

[A]

Do I?

[B]

Oh, I mean, yes, of course I do.

[C]

I also understand that the average temperature of the North Pole is estimated at 70 to 90 degrees below zero Fahrenheit.

[B]

Well, it does get a bit nippy. But then again, a fellow can always grab off a snort of Santa Claus.

[A]

Wilford, Santi only drinks soft drinks. Of course.

[B]

Yes. Although on occasion, I will take a jigger of snow with an olive in it.

[A]

So be sure that you're a good boy now, Wilfred, because on Christmas Eve, Santi calls on every good boy in girth.

[C]

How does he know where they live?

[A]

I thought that brought you to papa. Santa Course. Keeps their numbers in a little red book, don't you, Santa?

[B]

Yes, sir. Yes siree. And some mighty fine numbers in that little red hook.

[A]

There's some mighty fine numbers history.

[C]

Oh, this is ridiculous. Preposterous.

[A]

Wilbur, you mean you don't believe in Santa Claus?

[C]

R G, please. It's an amusing legend, but this road company. Edwin, Gwen plays him so badly.

[B]

Now, now, now, grumpy you.

[A]

Please, Santa Claus, please leave. Go to little boy's throat.

[B]

Then get me out of here.

[A]

Well, look, Char. Charlie, I'm. I'm sorry it turned out like this, but. But you can't let us down. You. You promised you'd be here on Christmas Eve.

[B]

Don't worry, Archie. I'll be here on Christmas Eve. Praying Santa Claus. Yes, praying Santa Claus with a nice big bag over my back. And you know what I hope to.

[A]

Have in that bag? What? Wil. You see what you did? Now look, you lousy little genius.

[C]

Now, now, Archie, please. You don't actually expect an educated man of 10 to believe in Santa Claus?

[A]

Don't I? Look, Wilford, maybe there ain't no real Santa Claus with no red coat and reindeers and jumping down chimneys, okay? But there is something that a kid like you should get wise. Something that kind of makes people do wonderful things for each other at Christmas time. And I like to call it Santa Claus. It's. Well, it's something inside of all of us, kid, that if we're right guys will turn each one of us into a Santa Claus. Where every guy loving his fellow guy and working with him to bring good in the world and maybe peace. And kid, don't tell me to write. There ain't no that kind of a Santa Claus. Let's call him a medharchy and say, huh? This package just came for you. Let me look. Hey, Wilfred. Hey, look at this. It's me present from Duffy. Now, Wilfred, here's what I was talking about. This package says, don't open until Christmas. But I want to teach you a lesson, so I'm gonna open it. Now, you see, here's a guy named Duffy. He's lean and he's stingy and he's cheap and. And yet at Christmas time he changes and he gives me this. This picture of himself. Autograph to my dear employee, Oscar. Where was it? Oh, yeah.

[B]

So you see, Wilford, maybe there ain't.

[A]

No real Santa Claus with no red coat jumping down chimneys, but I believe it.