
Eddie Bracken Show 45-05-06 Ep015 To Barrow A Pig
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How sweetly she sleeps. Dream on, Ms. Constance, lost in your reveries of one who loves you. Listen, she whispers as she dreams. Eddie, will you do me a big favor? Thanks, Eddie. I knew I could depend on your. And this young man wrapped in slumber. What a smile of delight plays over his face as he too dreams of his loved one. And yes, his loved one's father is deep in the arms of Morpheus. And he too wanders along the flower strewn paths of Dreamland.
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That's right. Give me a slash weight, a ball batter and a shotgun. And 20ft of clothesline. No, don't wrap him up. I'll carry him. Now. Wait till I get my hands on that turtle bush. Yes, this is the story of Eddie Bracken.
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Eddie. Oh, Eddie. Oh.
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Oh, hello, Connie.
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I've been looking for you all evening. You have?
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Oh, gee, Connie. Say, that's a swell car.
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Yeah, It's Jerry Pringle. It is? Yes. You see, we were both invited to the scavenger hunt party at Peary and Kitzmiller's.
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Oh. Well, I hope you enjoy yourselves.
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Oh, Eddie, now don't act like that. I didn't go with Jerry. Oh, you didn't? Of course not. I went with Otto.
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Goodbye, Connie.
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Now, Eddie, wait a minute. Would you do me a big favor?
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No, Eddie.
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No. Oh, all right, Eddie.
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Well, after all, you're driving Jerry Pringle's car and you went to the party with Otto. Here I am all by myself. Just put yourself in my position. Oh, gosh, Connie. After all, you can't blame me for saying no, can you? What was it you wanted me to do?
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Oh, never mind. You wouldn't do it anyway.
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Oh, yes, I would, Connie. I'd be glad to.
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Well, the party began an hour ago, and each of us was given a list of things to get and bring back to the party. And I thought if you'd help me, I. You could come to the party in time for the refreshments.
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Oh. Aw, gee, Connie, that'd be nice. What did you want me to get for you?
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A pig with a red nose.
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Oh, sure, I ought to be there. What did you say?
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A pig with a red nose.
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Now, after all, Connie, I don't mind doing anything within reason.
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All right. If you don't want to take me home from the party, just say but.
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If it was anything but a pig with a red nose. I thought you said you went to the party with Otto.
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I did, but he got a phone call and had to go home. But as I said, if you don't want to take me home from the party, it's all right with me.
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Where can I find a pig with a red nose?
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It's all very simple. I telephone Mr. Waddlewaite. You know, his farm is just two stops out in the country.
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On the bus? Sure, Mr. Waddlewaite.
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And he has a baby pig he said I could borrow for tonight.
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Has it got a red nose?
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Of course not.
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Then what good will it do?
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Eddie, listen, all you have to do is stop by my house, get an old lipstick and take it out with you. Paint the pig's nose red and bring it back on the bus. I'll see you later.
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All right, Connie. A pig on the bus. All right, Barbara. Let's try it again.
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Yes, Mr. Monahan.
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Are you from Dixie? Hi, Shed. From Dixie. Where the fields are. It's no use, Barbara.
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Well, I'll be glad to start over, Mr. Monahan.
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No, I can't seem to get going unless I got somebody to sing the melody part.
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Well, maybe if I were to.
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Hello, Barbara. How do you do, Mr. Monahan?
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Hello, Eddie.
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Get out of here, lame brain. But, Mr. Monahan. I said get out of here. What do you want coming around here, interrupting my rehearsal? Well, I, I I came over to get a lipstick. A lipstick? Now I've heard everything. Oh, no. You see, Connie wants a pig with a red nose. A pig with a red nose? Are you nuts? No, sir. It's for Purine Kitzmiller's scavenger hunt. And I have to go out to Mr. Waddlewaite's farm to get it. Do you know where Connie keeps a lipstick? How would I know? Go on, get out of here.
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Eddie, I'll let you use my lipstick.
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Oh, gee, thank you, Barbara.
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And would you like me to go with you to keep you company?
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Well, gee, Barbara, certainly, if you want to.
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You know, a pig might be hard for one person to handle.
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Yes, I know, Barbara, but about the party.
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I understand, Eddie. You have to bring Connie Home. That's all right. But it's such a beautiful night. I. I just love to go with you.
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Now, wait a minute, Barbara. You promised to help me rehearse the song for the Lodgers minstrel show.
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But, Mr. Monahan, you said you couldn't rehearse unless you had someone to sing the melody.
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The Minstrel Show. Oh, you're going to be in that, Mr. Monahan?
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Yes, I'm going to be in that, Mr. Monahan.
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I'm going to sing a duet with Joe Arsen, only he's got a hangover from last night's rehearsal and his wife won't let him out of the house. Fine thing. We only got two more days to rehearse. Oh, gee, that's too bad, Mr. Monahan. You can say that again. Gee, that's too bad, Mr. Mon. Shut up. The committee from the lodge is coming over tonight to see if our act is good enough for the show. If I can only get my part down, I could. Hey, wait a minute, Barbara. I think we better get started if we don't want to miss the bus. All right, Eddie, come back here. Chisel Chin, you help me rehearse. But, Mr. Monahan, your bus don't leave for half an hour. You got plenty of time Here. Here's your music. But, Mr. Monahan, I can't read music. Look, the black is the music, the white is the paper. Sing the black. Okay, Barbara. Come on, let's try it.
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All right, Mr. Monahan.
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Are you from Dixie? I sit from Dixie oh, where the fields are cotton and beckon to me I'm glad to see you Tell me I feel and the friends I'm belonging to see Are you from Alabama, Tennessee or Caroline or any place below the Mason Dixon Line Clogging.
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Clog.
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Empty spaces greatly I empty Arms outstretched I'm crying Are you from Dixie? I said from Dixie well, I'm from a Dixie he's from a Dixie but we're from a Dixie too. Gee, Mr. Man, how do you like that? My own arrangement and I don't know one note from another. Oh, boy, that was fun, Mr. Monet. Let's do it again, huh? Nah, once is enough. You're lousy. I'm going over and work on Mrs. And see if I can't spring Joe long enough to sing for the committee. You two be back here by 9:30 sharp.
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Both of us, Mr. Monahan?
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Yes, both of you. I want you here in case I can't get Joe off the hook. Oh, but gee, Mr. Monahan, I'm supposed To bring Connie home from the party. And he knows the way home. I know Mr. Monahan, but I couldn't think of doing that. Did you hear what I said? Getting up by the necktime, Mr. Monahan. I'll be back.
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Book now at vrbo.com. Get back in the bus please. Get back in the bus please. The back end's all in the same place. The front end. Two please. Two please. Two what? Two tickets. Two tickets to where? Mr. Waddlewaite's farm. Mr. Waddlewaite's Farm? Yes sir, you probably know the one. It's got a white fence around it. Oh, a white fence. Uh huh. And a red barn. Yeah, And a lot of chickens. Oh yes, hundreds of them. And a big tree out in the front yard. And a silo. That's the one. What do you mean that's the one? They all got em. How do I know which one you mean? What am I supposed to be a mind reader?
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Oh, we know where it is.
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Yes, it's the second stop out of town. Then why don't you say so? Ain't it bad enough I gotta drive this bus without. Without. Never mind. Here. Here's your tickets. That'll be 40 cents. Yes sir. I, I uh.
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Oh.
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What'S the matter? Well you see. Wait a minute, wait a minute. Don't tell me. Let me guess. You haven't any money. Will you get off of this bus?
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But, but, but I'm trying. I'll lend you the money.
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Oh will you Barbara?
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I'll be glad to. Oh, here, here's $10.
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Gee, Barbara. Thank you. Here you are mister. $10. A $10 bill. I gotta break a sawbuck to get 40 cents. Why you. 5, 10, 15.
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20.
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20. Look, it's all right mister. You don't have to control your temper. I'll go into the drugstore and get change at the time. I ain't trying to control my temper. I'm giving you your changing nickel.
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My, isn't he cute.
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How old is he, Mr. Waddlewait? Just under two months. You sure he won't get hurt? Oh no, Mr. Waddlewaite. Connie just wants to borrow him for tonight. I'll bring them back tomorrow. What have you got there? Baby clothes. Baby clothes? What are you going to do with them? Put Them on the pig. The pig. Did you ever ride the center city bus, Mr. Waddlewaite? Why, sure. Why? You know the bus driver. Well, I've seen him. He doesn't like me. Barbara, hand me those two pair of baby shoes.
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Here you are, Eddie.
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Oh, what if he squeals like that on the bus? Give him something to eat. He'll go to sleep. Wait. I'll get you a bottle of milk.
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Oh, we have a nursing bottle right here, Mr. Wadway. It's full of milk.
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I hope he doesn't snore.
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Here, let me tie his cap on him. There. Isn't it cute?
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Gosh, looks just like it.
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Oh, Eddie, we'll look just like proud parents. A little baby in a nursing bottle and everything. Just like I've always dreamed.
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Come on, Barbara.
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I only wish it were true.
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Well, I don't.
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You don't, Eddie? No.
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Who wants a pig for a son? Now back to Eddie Bracken as he delves more deeply into the complexities of Phigonometry. Step lively, please. Step lively. Have your tickets ready, please. Have your have your have. Oh, how do you do? We're going home again.
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Yes. You see, we just came to get our baby.
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Yeah, he was staying at his grandmother's.
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But he's been having trouble with his teeth.
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We came out to get him.
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Look.
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Look, pal, I got three kids. Two girls and a boy. The oldest is five. That's Leander. The youngest is six months. That's Leilani. Leander's got the poo. Leilani's got the croup. The other kid's got the measles. But Do I bother you with my troubles, sir? No, but listen, all I said was. I ain't got time to listen to your family history. Get back in the bus and shut off. Yes, sir. What did you say? I was just talking to my wife.
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Gee, Eddie, I hope the pig doesn't make any noise. It'd be just dreadful.
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He's asleep now. So is my arm. He's awfully heavy. I'd like to change him from one arm to the other arm. Only I'm afraid he'll wake up.
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Well, maybe not if you're real careful.
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I'm afraid I'll have to. My poor arm's getting numb.
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Oh, careful now, Eddie.
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I'm being as. As careful as I can. Who's done that? It was only the baby, mister. I'm afraid he woke up. Quick, Bobber, give him the bottle.
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There it is.
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What are you doing abusing that kid?
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Oh, no, no. He'll be all right as soon as he gets his bottle.
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Here, Donna, open your mouth. Oh, dear.
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Here, let me have the baby. Huh? Oh.
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Oh, no.
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No, ma'. Am. Now, don't argue, young man. I've had eight children of my own, and I certainly know how to quiet a fretful baby. You young people nowadays. Here, I'll take him. Oh, no, ma', am, please. He's very shy of strangers.
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He's very shy. Yes, ma'.
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Am. And I have four grandchildren.
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Give him to me, young man. You will? I will. Well, all right. Gee.
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There now. That's better, Rock. Bye, baby. Oh, my goodness. He's certainly a very vigorous youngster, isn't it? How old is he? Not quite two months.
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But he's very helping.
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Yes, he certainly is. I've never tried to hold such an active youngster. Why, he's as lively as a little pig.
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Yes, ma'. Am. Look out. Your glasses.
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Oh. Oh, dear. There go my glasses. I simply can't see a thing without them. Oh, I'm so sorry. Oh, think nothing of it. I have another pair at home.
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Somebody grab this bus and let me take care of that kid. Oh, no, no, no, no, no, mister. He'll be all right as soon as he gets his. Bah, bah, bah, bah. His bottle.
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Yes. This should quiet him. There's nothing like a warm bottle of milk. Here, maybe take the nice bottle. Ouch. Oh, my thumb.
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Oh, don't.
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You're hurting him. I'm hurting him? He almost bit my thumb off. I'm sorry.
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He bites everything. He's teething.
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Sounds like he has a nasty cold. Here, you better take him.
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I can't stand this any longer. I'm a father. Let me take that kid. Oh, no. Gimme a ho. Ouch. My nose. Look out.
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You dropped him. Here, here. Come back here. Come back here. Just a minute. How old did you say that baby was? Only two months.
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But he crawls very fast for his hair.
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Could somebody grab him? Come back here, please. Somebody grab him. Come back here. Anybody want to get what he's doing?
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Drive the button.
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Hide the wet.
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Pig.
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Pig, pig, pig, pig, pig, pig, pig. Oh, it's no use, Eddie. Every time we take a step toward him, he runs.
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Oh, we simply gotta get him, Barbara. Mr. Waddlewait'll be awfully angry, to say nothing of Connie. Here, pig, pig, pig, pig, pig, pig, pig.
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Oh, Eddie, look.
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A hog. Look at the size of him. Where did he come from?
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We must have thought you were calling him. Go away. Go away. Shoo, shoo. Shoo.
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Go in.
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It's no use, Eddie. He thinks you're gonna feed him.
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That's fine. I haven't got enough trouble here. Big.
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Big. Big.
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Big. Not you.
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Go away.
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Go away, I said.
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Here. Here. Big, Big, Big.
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Go away. Not you.
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Big, Big.
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Big.
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Big. Big.
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Big. Eddie. Eddie, look.
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There's another one.
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Now there are two of them following you. But they're not the right ones. Come on, Barbara. Maybe we can get rid of them. Go away.
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Go away.
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Hit. Pick. Pick. Pick. Pick.
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Pick.
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Pick. Go away. Go away.
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Hip. Pic.
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Pic. Pic.
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Pic.
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Oh, hi, Eddie. They're coming from all directions. Look at them. Hundreds of them. Do you see anything in Mr. Waddlewait's pig?
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Oh, no, Eddie. I think maybe we better forget about the pig and get over to Mr. Monahan's.
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Mr. Monahan's? All right, Barbara. Wait a minute.
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What are you doing?
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Taking off my necktie, boy. Pig.
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What are you doing? Annie, stop talking. Been beginning to recognize your voice.
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But Barbara, I was only trying.
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Andy, if you keep on talking, they'll follow you all over.
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But Barbara.
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Oh, Eddie, please stop talking. If we can just get around the next corner, we'll be away from him. Come on. Hurry. Hurry. Come on.
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Come on.
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Hurry. See? They're gone.
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Can I talk now?
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Yes, Eddie, of course.
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Oh, gee, who's this?
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Eddie Bracken. Where have you been?
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Oh, gee, Connie. Barbara and I have been looking all over for Mr. Waddle Waite's pig. We've lost it. Lost it?
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Uh huh.
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Gosh, Connie, I'm awfully sorry, but you see.
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Was it dressed in baby's clothes?
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Yes. How did you know?
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I found it? You did? Where? In front of Joe Orsondorf's house. Well, I've got to get back to the party.
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Well, I'll be right over, Connie.
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Oh, you won't have to bother Eddie. Otto came back. He'll take me home.
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Then I'd better get over to your house. And ot. A diddle ollivoo Slow reel Chew chew Chuli rule July jagaraka Chula barbecue Every time I see Sailing by the wheel Looking in la boo slow real chill Ooch ooch cool eye rule Chula chagrack Chula barbecue Every time Sick silly by the wheel Pooping in a lollaboo Slow rhythm no rhyme or reason but kinda pleasing Always in season Jewel, jewel Chula rule Chulay Shangarak Joola barbecue Every time I see Pacelli by the wheel Mooking in lava boo slow reel. I met with a gal and her name was the silly Side of her side the silly Won't you be less chilly? You should have seen the change Come over that Philly pook A little slow reel Choo choo choo la roo chew light jagaraca chula barbaco Every time I see silly by the wheel Pookaddle olive poo slow reel. Slice it thick or slice it thin it ain't where you're going it's where you've been this is just where I came in Pookan and la boo slow reel the tune is teasy so cool and breezy Just take it easy Choo choo choo la roo choo a chagrack Chula Baku Last time I saw Billy by the wheel Poke a diddle Is a riddle with a fiddle in the middle Took a diller riddle back with the ray sure, sure, sure how silly it makes you feel Poke a deed lavaboo slow real so real Never get a batter with a dealer in a bag of feathers. One thing I hate to do is waste time, Monahan. What are you beefing about, Purry? You and me and Roy and the judge can play clobbyash until Eddie gets here. I was under the impression Joe orthendorf was going to help you rehearse. That's why the committee came over. Old Joe's in a bad way. What do you mean, in a bad way? He was all right this afternoon. Just a little hungover, that's all. Oh, I know he started over here a little while ago, but when he opened the front door, he thought he saw a pig in baby clothes sitting on his front porch. So he went right back to bed. You know, Joe ought to watch him so well. How does your act look, Monahan? Great. A little ragged in spots, but we can fix it up if that lunk head of a bracken will only get here. How do you do, Mr. Monahan? Oh, so there you are. Why, you. Hey, where's your necktie? Where you been? Will you see Mr. Monahan? Never mind, Barbara. You know the gang, don't you?
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Oh, yes. Good evening, everybody.
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Hello there. Hello. Well, boy, you want to hear the act now or wait till later that hear it now and get it over with? Okay, get your music, needle nose. Come on, Barbara. Yes, sir. Let's start off. Are you from Dixie? I said from Dixie where the fields are the cotton beckon to me I'm glad to see ya Tell me I'll be ya and a friend I'm longin to see Are you from Alabama, Tennessee or Caroline or any place below the Mason Dixon Line. Chloe.
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Chloe.
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And these faces greets the eyes. Eddie. Arms out.
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Stop thinking. They recognized your point.
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What's going on here? Get those pinks out of my collar. Oh, no. The eddie bracken story is directed by man holler. Music composed and conducted by lee harleen. Mr. Monahan is played by bill demerent, connie by ann rutherford, barbara by janet waldo. The bus driver by wally mayer. Woman on the bus by jane morgan. Mr. Waddlewaite by griff barnett. Terry by joe forte. The barnyard baritones by earl keene. In central salvage, your narrator. Jim, This is the armed forces radio service.
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Sam, It.
This episode of The Eddie Bracken Show, aired originally on May 6, 1945, invites listeners into a lighthearted misadventure featuring Eddie’s attempt to help his friend Connie win a scavenger hunt—by borrowing, dressing, and transporting a pig with a "red nose." The story is full of classic situational comedy from the Golden Age of Radio, woven through rapid-fire dialogue, slapstick setups, and a parade of memorable mishaps.
The episode blends frantic physical comedy with a good-natured, slightly absurd small-town warmth. Eddie’s earnest but bumbling attempts at problem-solving play against the sardonic voices of adults and friends, with plenty of laughter and self-deprecating banter. The gentle ribbing, slapstick, and quick-paced exchanges reflect the family-friendly, vaudeville-inspired humor of its time.
Eddie Bracken tries to help Connie win a scavenger hunt by borrowing a pig, painting its nose red, and dressing it as a baby—but a series of mix-ups with musical rehearsals, a grumpy bus driver, confused passengers, and a horde of pigs leads to comic chaos, ending with Connie retrieving the pig herself and Eddie stumbling late into the next farcical misadventure.