Ethel and Albert 50xxxx - Dining Out

Summary

Podcast Summary: "Ethel and Albert 50xxxx - Dining Out"

Podcast: Harold's Old Time Radio
Episode: Ethel and Albert 50xxxx - Dining Out
Release Date: March 28, 2025

---

Introduction

In this heartwarming episode of Harold's Old Time Radio, listeners are transported to the classic era of American radio through the everyday lives of the married couple, Ethel and Albert Arbuckle. The episode titled "Dining Out" delves into the couple's attempt to enjoy a peaceful dinner outside their home amidst the chaos of daily life and familial responsibilities.

---

Planning the Dinner Out

A Hectic Day at Home

The episode opens with Ethel juggling household responsibilities while trying to manage her children and prepare dinner. Her frustration becomes evident as she interacts with her neighbor, Muriel, seeking support amidst her chaotic day.

• Ethel (00:01): "I haven't even started dinner, dear."
• Albert (04:07): "You're supposed to make a mess of things generally, see?"

Ethel's overwhelming day leads her to the decision to take a break from her routine by dining out, hoping to relieve some of her stress.

---

Decision to Eat Out

Choosing the Restaurant

Ethel and Albert engage in a humorous yet relatable debate about where to dine. Their differing preferences reflect typical marital negotiations, highlighting Ethel's desire for comfort and Albert's inclination towards style.

• Ethel (06:00): "We should go anywhere you want to go. I just don't care, honey."
• Albert (07:30): "Well, if you don't want to go there, just say so."

After much deliberation, Albert decides to take the lead, choosing the Parisian restaurant despite Ethel's reservations about the ambiance and language barriers.

• Albert (09:37): "We are going to the Parisian."
• Ethel (10:06): "I feel kind of mousy."

---

Arrival at the Parisian

First Impressions and Settling In

Upon arriving, the couple faces the challenges of dining with their young daughter, Susie. Ethel feels underdressed and self-conscious, while Albert tries to maintain a positive outlook despite the initial discomfort.

• Ethel (10:28): "If I'd known we were coming here, I'd certainly have dressed up a little bit more."
• Albert (11:00): "I want you to have dinner out so you can relax and have a good time."

Their daughter Susie's playful behavior adds to the evening's lively atmosphere, bringing both joy and minor frustrations.

---

Ordering and Service Issues

Miscommunications and Delays

As the couple attempts to navigate the French menu, miscommunications lead to prolonged delays and incorrect orders. Ethel's struggle with the language barrier and Albert's impatience amplify the evening's tensions.

• Ethel (13:08): "What do you think there?"
• Albert (13:24): "I'm going to have French fries."

The situation escalates when their orders are significantly delayed, leading to frustration over unfulfilled requests and unexpected charges.

• Ethel (19:23): "I'm dying for a glass of water."
• Albert (26:24): "$4. They charged me $4 for that steak."

---

Reflections and Marital Strains

Nostalgia and Miscommunication

Amidst the chaos, Ethel reminisces about the early days of their marriage, recalling a sweet moment that Albert seemingly cannot remember. This highlights underlying strains in their relationship, exacerbated by the evening's frustrations.

• Ethel (20:25): "I remember how darling you were when you said, there's only one person I'd like to eat dinner with the rest of my life."
• Albert (21:12): "I've told you at least a million times I love."

Their inability to recall cherished memories adds a layer of emotional depth to the episode, portraying the complexities of long-term relationships.

---

Conclusion: Settling the Bill and Leaving

Unresolved Tensions and Final Frustrations

The evening concludes with Ethel and Albert confronting the restaurant over incorrect charges and poor service. Their decision to leave without leaving a tip symbolizes their dissatisfaction and the culmination of the night's challenges.

• Ethel (27:39): "I definitely would not leave any tip."
• Albert (28:05): "I wish I had the nerve not to tip him."

As they depart, the couple reflects on the evening, acknowledging the unpredictability of dining out and the importance of patience and understanding in their marriage.

• Ethel (28:13): "That's why we got poor service. He knew he'd get a tip anyway."
• Albert (28:22): "That's life, huh?"

---

Key Takeaways

• Communication is Crucial: The episode underscores the importance of clear communication, especially in stressful situations.
• Marriage Dynamics: Ethel and Albert's interactions offer a candid look into the dynamics of a long-term marriage, highlighting both strengths and areas of friction.
• Patience and Understanding: Despite the evening's challenges, the couple's commitment to each other remains evident, emphasizing the value of patience and mutual support.

---

Notable Quotes with Timestamps

• Ethel (00:12): "When it comes to making a statement."
• Albert (04:07): "You're supposed to make a mess of things generally."
• Ethel (10:06): "I feel kind of mousy."
• Albert (13:24): "I'm going to have French fries."
• Ethel (20:25): "There's only one person I'd like to eat dinner with the rest of my life."
• Albert (21:12): "I've told you at least a million times I love."
• Ethel (27:39): "I certainly would not leave any tip."
• Albert (28:22): "That's life, huh?"

---

This episode of Harold's Old Time Radio masterfully blends humor, relatability, and emotional depth, offering listeners a nostalgic yet timeless portrayal of marital life and the trials of dining out.

Transcript

[Ethel]

We interrupt this program to bring you an important Wayfair message.

[Nicole Fire]

Wayfair's got style tips for every home. This is Nicole Fire helping you make those rooms flyer. Today's style tip.

[Ethel]

When it comes to making a statement.

[Nicole Fire]

Treat bold patterns like neutrals.

[Ethel]

Go wild like an untamed animal. Print area rug under a rustic farmhouse table.

[Nicole Fire]

From wayfair.com.

[Ethel]

Ooh, fierce.

[Nicole Fire]

This has been your Wayfair style tip.

[Ethel]

To keep those interiors superior. Wayfair Every style, every home.

[Albert]

Do you like puzzles, riddles and cases of hidden identity? Then you like Quick as a Flash, the unusual quiz show that's heard daily on abc. The questions are dramatic in form and cover. News, music, history, famous people and amateur detective work. Of course, what makes Quick as a Flash different from any other quiz show is that each of the contestants is provided with a buzzer. When he thinks he has the correct answer, he signals Bill Cullen, the master of ceremonies. The quickest correct answer gets a prize. And what excitement there is when several of the contestants buzz at nearly the same second. Remember, Quick as a Flash is heard every weekday, Monday through Friday. Be sure to listen tomorrow. The Private Lives of Ethel and Albert, starring Peg lynch and Alan Bung and presented by abc. The married life of the Arbuckles is so much like millions of other married lives that you may recognize yourselves when you overhear Ethel and Albert. Whatever they do is pretty familiar to all of us. Let's see what's happening now. It's about dinner time. Ethel's on the phone talking to her next door neighbor.

[Ethel]

Muriel, I just can't talk to you and I've had the most hectic day and Albert's due home any second. I haven't even started dinner. It's just. No, I. Just a minute, just a minute. Susie. Susie. What? What have you been told about jumping up and down on the davenport? Oh, I am Ro. Yes, you do? What have you been told? I've been told not to do it. Well, do you want to be put to bed right now or do you want to play nicely with your dollhouse? I will play nicely with my dollhouse. Well, all right, Muriel, I'm sorry. This is just one of those days when you want to give them away to somebody. Well, I. Oh, here's Albert now. I haven't even got the potatoes on. Yes, all right, Muriel, I will. Bye, Albert.

[Albert]

Yeah. Hi.

[Ethel]

Hello. I'm sorry. Dinner isn't even started, dear.

[Albert]

Yes. Oh, boy.

[Ethel]

Honestly, it's not quite 6:00. I want you to call the washing machine people and Tell them what you think of them.

[Albert]

Oh, what do I think of them?

[Ethel]

Well, the washing machine's on the blink again. And I called them all morning and couldn't get anybody who knew anything. And then finally I got this man, and he was so disagreeable. And I told him that's where we'd gotten the machine, and we had nothing but trouble with it. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And he said, well, maybe you aren't taking care of it well. And I said, well, what are you supposed to do to take care of a washing machine? I take care of it as well as I can, you know. Well, then he sort of implied that I was, you know, sort of a bad housekeeper. I'm mad at him.

[Albert]

Oh, okay. Well, now, we'll take care of it. Don't worry.

[Ethel]

Well, would you call the man and tell him what you think of him?

[Albert]

Well, darling, I don't know what I think of him. Wait till I look at the washing machine.

[Ethel]

Well, then I finally got the clothes on the line when the line broke this morning. Yes, it did. And just then, Ted in at least 12 dogs came streaking through the backyard. I had to take three fourths of the washing to the basement and rinse it out again.

[Albert]

Oh, darling, that's his name.

[Ethel]

Just. Oh, the dry cleaners can't find my blue skirt. I've been on the phone today at least 10 times with them. Oh, and there's something wrong with the catch on the ironing board. So if I press down too hard, the whole thing collapses.

[Albert]

Oh, God. I don't suppose you got around to picking up my watch at the jewelers then, did you? No, it's. It's all right, darling. You just said you were going, you know, going around that way today. Oh, honey, no, for Pete's sake.

[Ethel]

Well, I'm just incompetent, that's all.

[Albert]

How darling.

[Ryan Seacrest]

Well, I am.

[Albert]

I really am.

[Ethel]

Just should have been a career girl instead of a housewife. Obviously had no sense of management at all.

[Albert]

No sense at one. No sense of management at all. Well, honey, you're not supposed to have any sense of management at all. You're supposed to be sort of dainty and feminine and helpful. See that? So it shows me off and I can just step in and take over.

[Ethel]

Albert.

[Albert]

Well, it's true, honey. You're supposed to make a mess of things generally, see? And that gives me a chance to be very masculine and protective.

[Ethel]

That's the way it is. Well, I wish you'd call the washing machine people and tell them what you think of Them?

[Albert]

Well, I most certainly will. I'll certainly tell them what I think of them.

[Ethel]

It doesn't even sound right. It's supposed to go swish, swish, swish, swish. You know how it's supposed to swish?

[Albert]

Yeah, I know.

[Ethel]

Sure sounds like it's got the hiccups that go swish, swish, swish, swish. Now, you know that's not right, dear.

[Albert]

Well, it certainly isn't. First thing you know, it'll be all over the neighborhood that we've got a washing machine that drinks. Oh, Albert, darling, look, you're tired and you're worn out, and I don't care what you plan for dinner. Now, don't give me that argument. You forget it.

[Ethel]

I haven't even started dinner.

[Albert]

That's fine. You go on upstairs. You take a shower, you put on your best bib and tucker, you powder your nose, because you are going out to dinner.

[Ethel]

Daddy, look.

[Albert]

Yes. My goodness. Yes, sir. There's a collie doggie, isn't it?

[Ethel]

Huh? The light's going to change.

[Albert]

Yeah, we'll make it. Now, Susie, darling, will you sit down, please, darling, Just sit down, honey. Doesn't she look pretty in her little blue bird dress?

[Ethel]

Yes, I look pretty in my little blue bird dress.

[Albert]

Yeah, she thinks so, too.

[Ethel]

But I certainly feel wonderful after that shower and getting all dressed up. Unexpected things like this are such fun, aren't they? My daddy, look.

[Albert]

Look. Yeah, my girl. Isn't that something? Where do you want to eat? Huh?

[Ethel]

Oh, I don't know. I really don't. Oh, I should say. Well, I don't care, dear. I really don't.

[Albert]

What'd she see?

[Ethel]

Oh, I don't know. When she's in the car, she doesn't look every other minute. Where are we going to eat?

[Albert]

Yeah.

[Ethel]

Mayor, would you like to go?

[Albert]

I don't know, honey. Where would you?

[Ethel]

Well, I don't care. I really don't. Any place you want to go is all right with me, darling. You decide, honey.

[Albert]

All right. I thought we might go over to the Half Moon. Oh, you don't like it?

[Ethel]

Oh, it's all right.

[Albert]

Well, if you don't want to go there, just say so.

[Ethel]

No, no, I said the decision was up to you. Darling, if you're so crazy to go there, why, we'll see you.

[Albert]

Look, I'm not crazy to go there. Simply mention the place.

[Ethel]

It's all right. It's just that you hate to stand in line. And Muriel and Jim were there last night and they said it was just mob. Oh, but if you've got your heart set on that place.

[Albert]

Darling, look, I haven't got my heart set on the tall Amelie suggested.

[Ethel]

Well, we'll go anywhere you want to go. I just don't care, honey. Oh, my, yes.

[Albert]

How about the Flamingo Tavern, honey? They got very good food, you know.

[Ethel]

Well, the food's not bad, but their lights are terrible. Looks like having a bit of lipstick on. If you're crazy to go there, dear, I can put up.

[Albert]

I am not crazy to go there. I merely thought of it, that's all. I don't know where to go.

[Ethel]

You pick the place. We'll go there.

[Albert]

You don't like any of my suggestions.

[Ethel]

They always have wonderful food at the English Tea Room.

[Albert]

Look, I'm not going to any English Tea Rooms. Those tables are so dinky, I can't get my knees under. And the place is so small. People next to you practically sitting in your lap. Nothing doing. I'm tired of candles dripping wax all over a red check tablecloth.

[Ethel]

I like the candles. I think it gives you restful feeling. Oh, I know Chow Main, that little tiny Chinese restaurant there.

[Albert]

Oh, no, I don't feel like Chow Main tonight. Hey, spaghetti. Spaghetti, Honey, where's Tony's, huh? That's. That's on walnut. What do you say?

[Ethel]

I don't feel like spaghetti tonight.

[Albert]

Well, all right. Where do you want to go?

[Ethel]

Oh, I don't really care. I really don't.

[Albert]

By g. You know, we have lived in Sandy harbor for years now, and every time. Daddy, look.

[Ethel]

Mommy. Oh, yes.

[Albert]

Every time we go out to eat, we go through the same darn thing.

[Ethel]

I know it.

[Albert]

All right, then. To heck with it. I am going to make the decision.

[Ethel]

All right.

[Nicole Fire]

When you think about businesses that are selling through the roof, like Ello or Allbirds or Skims, sure, you think about a great product, a cool brand, and brilliant marketing. But an often overlooked secret is actually the business behind the business making selling simple for millions of businesses. That business is Shopify. Nobody does selling better than Shopify, home of the number one checkout on the planet. And the not so secret secret with shop pay that boosts conversions up to 50%, meaning way less carts going abandoned and way more sales going. So if you're into growing your business, your commerce platform better be ready to sell wherever your customers are scrolling or strolling on the web, in your store, in their fe, and everywhere in between. Upgrade your business and get the same checkout allbirds uses. Sign up for your $1 per month trial period at shopify.com try all lowercase go to shopify.com try to upgrade your selling today. Shopify.com try it is Ryan Seacrest here. There was a recent social media trend which consisted of flying on a plane with no music, no movies, no entertainment. But a better trend would be going to chumbacasino.com it's like having a mini social casino in your pocke. Champa casino has over 100 online casino style games all absolutely free. It's the most fun you can have online and on a plane. So grab your free welcome bonus [e-mail] sponsored by Chumba Casino.

[Albert]

No purchase necessary vgw group void we're.

[Ethel]

Prohibited by law 21 + terms and conditions apply.

[Albert]

We are going to the Parisian.

[Ethel]

Oh, Albert.

[Albert]

Now look, it's been a long time since we've eaten out. I got two beautiful women on my hands and we're going to do it up in style.

[Ethel]

It'll be wonderful. It's just that.

[Albert]

Well, just that what?

[Ethel]

I always feel sort of uncomfortable in a French restaurant.

[Albert]

Why?

[Ethel]

I don't know. I just always have a feeling they know I don't speak French.

[Albert]

Well, you don't have to speak French to go to a French restaurant.

[Ethel]

No, but they always have a funny little smile as though they know you can't understand the menu.

[Albert]

Look, the heck with that. We are eating at the Parisienne now. The decision has been made.

[Ethel]

Yes, dear.

[Albert]

Well, here we are. Kind of a nice place, huh?

[Ethel]

Well, if I'd known we were coming here, I'd certainly have dressed up a little bit more. I feel kind of mousy.

[Albert]

Darling, you look simply lovely.

[Ethel]

You want to hold her on in your lap like that? Oh, no, no.

[Albert]

They're bringing a high chair. Oh, here they come now with high chair. All right. Come on, Susie. Come on, honey. The man got a high chair for you, Susie.

[Ethel]

Oh, no, I don't want a high chair.

[Albert]

Susie.

[Ethel]

No, no, I'm still in that chair what have us. Put her down. Poor Donald. Put her down. I want to sit in this chair.

[Albert]

You always sit in a high chair at home.

[Ethel]

I want to sit in this chair. Honestly, everybody's looking at us. Better sit in a regular chair then. You can take that away. Thank you very much.

[Albert]

Oh, well, here. All right, get up here. Come on. Of course, how she's going to eat anything when her eyes are on a level with the edge of the table.

[Ethel]

Sit down, sit down, sit down.

[Albert]

Everything into her lap.

[Ethel]

Sit down, will you? People are looking.

[Albert]

Oh, golly, I'm hungry.

[Ethel]

Well, we're going to order. I see. We're right by the kitchens again. Oh, well, why don't you say something to the head waiter? You always let them dump us just anywhere.

[Albert]

Look, we're here, we got our coats off and we're all settled.

[Ethel]

Well, you didn't have a coat and I just slipped off my jacket. It's no trouble to put it back on again, you know, and just pick up my purse and we can get right up here.

[Albert]

Let's not go tracing around the dining room to another table.

[Ethel]

Why?

[Albert]

Well, now, look, we're out to enjoy the evening, will you? I wanted you to have dinner out so you can relax and have a good time. Now, let's not spoil it by complaining about things.

[Ethel]

All right, dear. It's sweet of you to take us out, too.

[Albert]

Yeah, we're going to do this every week, don't forget.

[Ethel]

Stop that. Stop that.

[Albert]

Susie, cut it out, will you?

[Ethel]

I'm hungry. Well, we're going to order as soon as waiter comes around. What do you suppose this is? Celery? Soisson?

[Albert]

I don't know.

[Ethel]

Napoleon? Bouillon? Potatoes? Beaumarchaise? Tray? I don't know. Remember how we talked about going to Paris sometime, darling? Susie, stop kicking the table. There, darling. We talked about how romantic we'll be strolling down some avenue in Paris someday and we take our trip just the two of us holding hands. Will you stop kicking the table? Now, cut it out. Stop kicking the table.

[Albert]

Susie, don't contradict your mother. You were kicking the table.

[Ethel]

I was not, Daddy. Susie. Oh, I was not kicking the table. I was kicking a chair. I was tasting.

[Albert]

I'm telling you.

[Ethel]

Just never mind. Just be quiet. Just put it to the table.

[Albert]

Now, Susie, don't slide down that way. Now, sit up.

[Ethel]

I want to eat.

[Albert]

Where the heck do you suppose that waiter is?

[Ethel]

Well, I don't know. Honestly, I hate to see him anyhow. I don't even know what to order. What do all these things mean?

[Albert]

Look, we'll have a steak and potatoes. Same thing in any language.

[Ethel]

What are you going to. What are you going to ask for?

[Albert]

Ask for steak and potatoes.

[Ethel]

Well, I think potatoes is pom deter.

[Albert]

Well, they can have their palm deer. I'm going to have French fries.

[Ethel]

Albert.

[Albert]

What?

[Ethel]

Well, honestly.

[Albert]

Well, what?

[Ethel]

Don't just tell the waiter we want steak and potatoes. It sounds so. Honestly, Albert, I just.

[Albert]

You mean you want me to put on the dog a little bit, huh?

[Ethel]

Oh, no, dear, but you might act a little bit as though you. You know, we're used to all this.

[Albert]

You mean man of the world. Look, the only thing I know in French is parlez vous francais. You want me to sort of throw that into the conversation with the waiter?

[Ethel]

Honestly.

[Albert]

Oh, no, wait a minute. I know something else in French.

[Ethel]

Never mind. I'm lonely. Now, we're going to order. How dear. Oh, here he comes. Here he comes. Now, don't try to be funny, you know.

[Albert]

What do you mean, don't try to be funny?

[Ethel]

You know what I mean. Good evening.

[Albert]

Oh, how you doing? Nice evening. We miss you. Yeah, well, we hadn't quite decided what everything was here on the menu with all this parlay booing. Yeah. Oh, well, madame will permit me to suggest to madame that you begin with the consummate artagnier.

[Ethel]

Oh, yes, that sounds delicious. What do you think there?

[Albert]

Yeah, yeah, huh? All right, you better make that too. Agree with you. And if you prefer the creme argenteuil or the creme du barry.

[Ethel]

Oh, no, I.

[Albert]

Very good, madame. Yeah. All right. Now for the main course, the lemon. Sold. Granol blaze is delicious. If you prefer the salt or perhaps the salmon sauce. Rich. Then we have the pigeon comporte bon fam. With the haricot bear and the pom oil.

[Ethel]

Yes, well, it does all sounds so good. I can't make up my mind.

[Albert]

Well, let me assure madame, whatever madame select, she will not be sorry.

[Ethel]

Yes, well, I'm sure it's all delicious. Whatever we order, we'll have just a half portion for her.

[Albert]

We, madame?

[Ethel]

I have on my bluebird dress tonight.

[Albert]

Well, if you don't care for any of that, perhaps the mod.

[Ethel]

I have on my bluebird dress tonight. Yes, well, dear, the man doesn't care, dear.

[Albert]

She's got on her bluebird dress. Yes, but. Ah, all right, now perhaps the salad marfai. Then the demitasse and bavaro au soutron. Yes, look, we'll have steak and french fried potatoes. Ah, monsieur, which is the chateaubriand? Well, yes. Yeah, all right. The chateau brio de.

[Ethel]

I want some bike things and wieners. Susan, I want that thing to wiener. Well, those are just things we have on picnics.

[Albert]

Darling child, for you, huh? Like most anything, I guess.

[Ethel]

I want some big things of wiener, darling, you know, just bring a half.

[Albert]

Portion of our order. If you would excuse me, please. I am. There he goes. I don't know whether we've ordered or not.

[Ethel]

I want bright grain. Yes, and I. Huh?

[Albert]

Well, look, after this, we'll just take her to a white castle. It'll be cheaper and a lot easier should be good.

[Ethel]

She's going to have ice cream later on. Oh, honey, now you say ice cream. You're getting too big to say Opkey anymore.

[Albert]

Oh, now look, that was her first word. Not me. Gets cute. Now let her say, no, I don't. Well, you were certainly carrying on with that waiter.

[Ethel]

Carrying on with the waiter? What do you mean?

[Albert]

All those little laughs and chirps and gurgles of yours.

[Ethel]

What you're talking about at all.

[Albert]

Why are you so impressed? If only somebody can speak French.

[Ethel]

Oh, Albert, I'm not impressed at all. What? What? Look at the bird on that whitey cat. Look at the bird on her hat. Yes, I can see it.

[Albert]

Now.

[Ethel]

Just be quiet. Be quiet. The bird. Yes. I.

[Albert]

Don'T think that's a pheasant. It's a quail.

[Ethel]

A whale.

[Nicole Fire]

How to have fun anytime, anywhere. Step one, go to chumbacasino.com chumbacasino.com Got it.

[Ethel]

Step two collect your welcome bonus.

[Nicole Fire]

Come to papa.

[Ethel]

Welcome bonus. Step three, Play hundreds of casino style for free.

[Nicole Fire]

That's a lot of games. All for free.

[Ethel]

Step four, unleash your excitement. Woohoo. Chumba Casino has been delivering thrills for over a decade. So claim your free welcome bonus now.

[Ryan Seacrest]

And live the chumba life.

[Ethel]

Visit chumbacasino.com no purchase necessary vgw group.

[Albert]

Void where prohibited by law 21 + terms and conditions apply.

[Ryan Seacrest]

You just realized your business needed to hire someone yesterday. How can you find amazing candidates fast? Easy. Just use Indeed. Stop struggling to get your job posts seen on other job sites with Indeed sponsored Jobs. Your post jumps to the top of the page for your relevant candidates so you can reach the people you want faster. According to Indeed data, sponsored jobs posted directly on indeed have 45% more applications than non sponsored jobs. Don't wait any longer. Speed up your hiring right now with Indeed. And listeners of this show will get a $75 sponsored job credit to get your jobs more visibility@ Indeed.com podkatz13 just go to Indeed.com podkatz13 right now and support our show by saying you heard about Indeed on this podcast. Terms and conditions apply. Hiring Indeed is all you need.

[Albert]

Quail. A pizza is a quail.

[Ethel]

Oh, I thought you said quail. I couldn't imagine why you would all.

[Albert]

Laura, let it go, darling. Relax now, will you?

[Ethel]

Yes. Yes, I am.

[Albert]

Just think, honey. No dinner to cook, no dishes to wash.

[Ethel]

Yes. I'm just having a wonderful time, darling. I really am. Sit down on that chair now, will you? That lady's got a Bird on her hat. I see the lady with the bird on her hat. Now, sit down. Put your feet under the table. Now, don't lean your chin on the table. Yes, I am, darling. I really am. I'm just having a wonderful time.

[Albert]

It has been exactly 45 minutes since we ordered.

[Ethel]

Well, I don't know, dear. I'm dying for a glass of water.

[Albert]

No water. No napkins.

[Ethel]

We don't need napkins yet. We don't have any food.

[Albert]

Basket of rolls and no butter.

[Ethel]

Well, what are we going to eat, Mommy? Please sit up in the chair, Susie, will you, darling?

[Albert]

Look at all those tables over there. They certainly didn't need to stick us back in a corner like this.

[Ethel]

Oh, there's the waiter. There's the waiter. See if you.

[Albert]

Waiter. Wait. Did you see that? Well, that guy looked right at me and just tore on to that other table.

[Ethel]

Well, there's six people there. I suppose you'll get a bigger tip.

[Albert]

Golly, you know, that burns me up. These fancy places with their fancy prices, you know. Is it exactly 45 minutes since we ordered our dinner?

[Ethel]

Well, now, let's. Let's not spoil the evening, honey. Remember, we're having a good time. Time, huh?

[Albert]

Yeah. It's kind of nice to get out for a change and not have to get dinner, though, huh?

[Ethel]

Remember the first French restaurant we ever went to before we were married?

[Albert]

No. Look at that guy, will you? Now he's going over to another table. Yeah, he just completely ignores us.

[Ethel]

Oh, yes. You remember. That was where you first told me you loved me.

[Albert]

Huh?

[Ethel]

That was where you first told me you loved me. Where back cute little French restroom went to before we were married. It was after you had a psychology test. Well, you didn't actually say I love you in so many words, but remember what you said?

[Albert]

No. You know, it's closer to 50 minutes since we ordered. 50 minutes.

[Ethel]

Remember? It was between the shrimp cocktail and the main course. Remember what you said, dear?

[Albert]

Albert, I think that guy's on roller skates.

[Ethel]

Remember what you said when you first told me?

[Albert]

First told you what?

[Ethel]

Since you love me.

[Albert]

No. When was that?

[Ethel]

Well, don't you remember? It was so sweet. I always remember it as one of our most precious moments.

[Albert]

Oh, look at her. Susie, will you put your feet down? Sit up like a little lady, will you?

[Ethel]

I'm Grace.

[Albert]

Well, it does seem. What's the matter?

[Ethel]

Nothing.

[Albert]

What's the matter with you? Nothing. You know, what we ought to do is get up and walk right out of here.

[Ethel]

I just think it's very Funny you don't remember when you first told me you loved me, that's all.

[Albert]

Oh, my gosh, honey, I've told you at least a million times I love.

[Ethel]

You the first time. Oh, well, you were just. Darling, I've never forgotten that wonderful moment. We just finished our shrimp cocktail. Don't you remember, darling?

[Albert]

I do not remember a shrimp cocktail I had years ago. No, women always remember everything by what they had to eat.

[Ethel]

I remember. Just remember how darling you were when you said, there's only one person I'd like to eat dinner with the rest of my life. So sweet.

[Albert]

Look at that guy, will you? Now, he sailed way over to the other side of the room.

[Ethel]

I remember after you said it, we looked into each other's eyes for the longest time. I guess that was when we both knew that we were meant for each other, huh? That was when we both knew.

[Albert]

Yeah. We should have known better than come to this place. All right, now, what's the matter?

[Ethel]

Don't you remember saying, there's only one person I'd like to eat dinner with the rest of my life?

[Albert]

Well, yes, sure, sure. Of course, I do be nice if we could get some dinner to eat. You know, it does seem $45 for Pete. Thanks. He might have stayed long enough for us to ask him how we've been since he last saw us.

[Ethel]

Well, never mind. We got some food anyway. Now, wait a minute, Susie.

[Albert]

Hey, I ordered two steaks. What's this?

[Ethel]

Well, I guess I got the steak. Here, you can have it.

[Albert]

What did he bring me?

[Ethel]

Never mind, dear. I'll take it. There's no sense sending things back. We'll never get anything to eat.

[Albert]

Well, what is this?

[Ethel]

Well, I don't know. Chicken, I guess. I didn't see anything that said chicken on the menu. Unless it's this Pullet Sartre Bon Farm or something. Never mind, I'll eat it.

[Albert]

Lima beans, and I just hate them. Well, what kind of potatoes are these?

[Ethel]

Palm Parisienne, I guess.

[Albert]

Would you look at this plate of watercress with a bite of meat in the middle of it.

[Ethel]

Darling, now remember, we came out to enjoy ourselves.

[Albert]

Yeah, yeah. Well, Susie just dropped a broiled tomato into her lap.

[Ethel]

Oh, here. Honestly, you catch his eye again. See if you can get some water and some napkins and a glass of milk for Susie here. Still, what a mess. Honestly, I want some upcake. Well, you'll get some ice cream later and I'll sit up and eat. Albert, dear.

[Albert]

Oh, heck, I wanted this to be such a nice dinner for You.

[Ethel]

Well, it is a nice dinner, darling. It's just wonderful not to have to cook after all. Remember, when you go out to eat, it isn't only the food. It's the atmosphere too, you know.

[Albert]

Yeah, sure, and I got lots of that. Well, I'm having a good time.

[Ethel]

Susie. Susie, please. Please, dear. Just please.

[Albert]

She seems to have a mushroom on the top of her head.

[Ethel]

Oh, honestly. Yeah, well, if she'd been in the high chair, she would. Oh, Susie. Well, it's what you have to expect with children, isn't it?

[Albert]

Oh, sure, I suppose.

[Ethel]

The things you laugh about later on. Now, sit up. Will you come.

[Albert]

Wait a. Wait.

[Ethel]

Well, I'll fix you some coffee when we get home or else drink that black.

[Albert]

I don't want to drink this black. I want cream and sugar.

[Ethel]

Well, the coffee must be cold by now anyhow, dear. It's ages since he brought it.

[Albert]

Oh, well, let's go.

[Ethel]

Where's my upcut? Well, we had fruit cup instead.

[Albert]

No, no, not fruit cup. We had Chanson Supreme.

[Ethel]

Well, the waiter merely suggested it did.

[Albert]

Well, look, I didn't want fruit cup. I wanted some ice cream, but he babbled in French. And he dashes to the kitchen, comes back with this Chanson supreme, which is just canned fruit cups far.

[Ethel]

All right now. All right.

[Albert]

In French or any language. Well, where. Oh, the heck with it. Come on, we're going.

[Ethel]

Where's my upc? You had fruit cup instead of ice cream, darling.

[Albert]

Now you watch. You watch now. I'll call for the check and he'll be here in one second. That waiter. Oui. Miss. You under the table. Check, please. Please check. Louis, you're too dream. There we are, monsieur. Enjoy your dinner, madame?

[Ethel]

Oh, yes, thank you very much.

[Albert]

And you, Miss you. Oh, yes. Yeah, thank you. Thank you very much.

[Ethel]

How much is it? Well, how much is it? Let me. 11:42. Mommy. Why, October. How could.

[Albert]

There you are. $11.42.

[Ethel]

Well, how could it be so much?

[Albert]

Apparently they charge full price for Susie's dinner.

[Ethel]

Well, I think that is just terrible. $11. $11 for what? What's it say?

[Albert]

I can't read the darn thing to start with. What's that?

[Ethel]

Looks like mug. Flip.

[Albert]

Flip.

[Ethel]

What would that be?

[Albert]

I don't know. It was A dollar and 60 cents. Whatever it was. Salad, maybe.

[Ethel]

Maybe that was the stuff we had first.

[Albert]

Yeah. This must be my steak, Chab. $4.

[Ethel]

What?

[Albert]

$4. They charged me $4 for that steak.

[Ethel]

Oh, Alberta, didn't I?

[Albert]

Well, I didn't see anything on the menu. That said, $4. Well, I certainly never would have ordered a steak if I don't.

[Ethel]

That's what these places do. You can't find it on the menu, but they always have it. So when you say so, when you say steak, they have have it. And they charge you a lot. And you can't complain because it wasn't on the menu. That's.

[Albert]

That burns me up.

[Ethel]

By golly, here comes the waiter. Here comes the waiter. Just ask him.

[Albert]

Well, I certainly will, madame. Look here. I would have a table for free. And have over there.

[Ethel]

What's that? Soup? No, they're finger bowls. Why didn't you say something to him? Oh, why didn't you say something just now to the waiter?

[Albert]

Well, what is there to say? You know I'll wind up paying him anyhow. It's our fault, after all. We just won't come here again.

[Ethel]

What's this on the check? Bnb, Daddy, what's this?

[Albert]

That is a finger bowl. You rinse off the tips of your fingers in it. If they're sticky, of course. What you need is a bath. She looks as though somebody had thrown a vegetable pie at her.

[Ethel]

No, he didn't bring the napkins for so long. And since she wasn't in a highchair, she kept spilling. What is this? BNB 35 cents. What is that?

[Albert]

Oh, golly, let me see.

[Ethel]

I don't suppose that's bread and butter. They never did bring us any butter, and we didn't order the bread, nor did we eat it.

[Albert]

Well, that's what it must be. It's English, but it must be bread and butter.

[Ethel]

It always makes me so mad to be charged for something I didn't order.

[Albert]

Susie at the. Watch her, will ya?

[Ethel]

Just rinse off your fingertips. You don't wash your arms. Where's my Opti?

[Albert]

No, you and your Opti. Come on, let's go. I'll pay the check and let's get out of here.

[Ethel]

You're not leaving a tip, of course. Oh, well, we had perfectly terrible service. We waited nearly an hour for dinner. He never brought Susie's milk. He didn't even get the dinner order straight. You never got cream and sugar for coffee. I certainly would not leave any tip.

[Albert]

Well, I'm just mad enough not to, I'll tell you that. By golly, I wish I had the nerve not to tip him.

[Ethel]

We've had terrible service.

[Albert]

I know, I know. I suppose I'm like everybody else. No matter how bad the service is, you tip anyway.

[Ethel]

Well, that's just why we Got poor service. He knew he'd get a tip anyway. I wouldn't tip him.

[Albert]

Well, I wouldn't.

[Ethel]

I just think you're crazy to do. Well, furthermore, I would certainly say something about the terrible.

[Albert]

Oh, well, what's the use? Let's pay the bill and go on home. This is the sort of thing that happens, you know. What can you do about it if you raise the scene? Looks as though you're the one who's just a loud mouth troublemaker.

[Ethel]

Yes, I suppose. Well, that's life, huh?

[Albert]

Yeah.

[Ethel]

My darling. You had fruit cup. I don't want fruit cup.

[Albert]

Well, you've already had fruit cup. No. Excuse me. You've had chance on supreme. I want it up K. Well, you didn't get it, see, it's what your mother and I were just talking about. You might as well learn early life that these things happen, Susan. You just got to accept them.

[Ethel]

Oh, I. You thought I was going to have a look.

[Albert]

Come on, let's go before she starts up.

[Ethel]

Susie, non. Stop it.

[Albert]

I want.

[Ethel]

Be quiet. You want to be the waiter. The waiter didn't bring you any ice cream.

[Albert]

Why?

[Ethel]

Well, he.

[Albert]

As a matter of fact. She's perfectly right, you know. Why didn't he bring her some ice cream?

[Ethel]

I want him up here. I want you.

[Albert]

Mom, what's wrong? Let her do it. What is it? What is the matter here? Jacques, what is the matter? Oh, dear. What is it? Look. My daughter ordered some ice cream and she didn't get it. Jacques. Monsieur ordered ice cream. Monsieur ordered the chanson. Monsieur did not order the ship shon on supreme. And I should like to say that M Didn't get a chance to order much of anything. What he did order didn't arrive.

[Ethel]

Albert.

[Albert]

Now, Susie, something else I should like to say while I have the opportunity that the service is. This is the worst I've ever had in my life here. We have never heard any complaints before about the service. Yeah, well, you're having one right now. You're starting now. Furthermore.

[Ethel]

Bread and butter.

[Albert]

Bread and butter. Furthermore, we did not order bread and butter for which we were charged 35 cents.

[Ethel]

And no butter.

[Albert]

No. And we didn't get any butter.

[Ethel]

Kitchen door.

[Albert]

Kitchen door. And I did. I didn't like being put by the kitchen door. What is more, nobody can enjoy their dinner with waiters banging past them with praise and kitchen doors swinging open.

[Ethel]

Susie's milk.

[Albert]

My daughter never did get a glass of milk.

[Ethel]

Cream and sugar.

[Albert]

I never got any cream and sugar from a coffee which I. Furthermore, I want to tell you something. We waited. Exactly. Start some music off. Oh, this is shocking. Our customers have always been most satisfied. They probably just haven't said anything. Mister, please, please step into my office. I'm sure we can come to some kind of an understanding. Look, I don't need to step into your office. See, we're going to pay our check and we're leaving. Oh, I should like to say that we waited 45, 50 minutes for our dinner to be brought in. No, monsieur will not step anywhere. My is taking madame and, and this mademoiselle, and she's going home, going to pay this, this, this, this outrageous check in any language of $11.42. Write this minute and leave this place. I don't know. You restaurant managers seem to feel that if a place looks fancy enough, your customers wouldn't care to complain. Well, by golly, I want to tell you right, I want to tell you right now that, that. Did you bring any money?

[Ethel]

What? Why, no, I. What's the matter?

[Albert]

Did I changed my suit and I left my wallet, my other suit.

[Ethel]

Oh, Albert, look in your inside pocket.

[Albert]

No, I, I, I, I just, I didn't bring it. I tell you, in my other suit.

[Ethel]

I don't have a thing but two street car tokens.

[Albert]

Would miss and madame care to step into my office? I'm, I'm sure we can come come to some understanding. Jacques, some ice cream from Mazel.

[Ethel]

Oh, gosh, Robert.

[Albert]

Oh, yeah.

[Ethel]

What's the matter?

[Albert]

Oh, I don't know. I can't get to sleep. I drop off and I wake right up. I get to thinking.

[Ethel]

Well, stop thinking. Just make your mind a blank now, dear.

[Albert]

Yeah, but by golly, wouldn't you know it. Wouldn't you know it would have happened that way? Not three times in my life. See? Have I forgotten my wallet? It had to happen tonight.

[Ethel]

Well, never mind. They were very nice about it.

[Albert]

Oh, yeah, they were charming. Just charming.

[Ethel]

Well, now, just stop thinking about it and try to get some sleep.

[Albert]

I got it. You know, when he made that remark about the quality of the, the, the Chateau Briand or whatever it was. You know what I should have said, darling?

[Ethel]

Now stop thinking of all the things you should have said to him. Now try and get some sleep.

[Albert]

Yeah, yeah, all right. Okay, okay. Good night, darling. I should like to inform you that I happen to be a connoisseur of quality.

[Ethel]

Albert.

[Albert]

All right, dear. Okay, good night. My father wants made a trip to France. And what a good. The private life of Ethel and Albert comes to you each Monday at this same time. The show is written by Peg lynch, who also plays the part of Ethel. The part of Albert is played by Alan Buns. Sue Lindsay is Madeline Pierce. Also in the cast tonight were Ian Martin and Vinton Hayworth. Special music by Ralph Norman. The show was directed by William Hamilton. Your announcer, George Hansbrough. And now, a listening reminder. Stay tuned for Henry J. Taylor and his enlightened commentary. Your Land and Mine this is abc, the American Broadcasting Company.

[Nicole Fire]

Ryan Seacrest here. When you have a busy schedule, it's important to maximize your downtime. One of the best ways to do that is by going to chumbaccasino.com Chumba Casino has all your favorite social casino games like spin slots, bingo and solitaire that you can play for free for a chance to redeem some serious prizes. So hop on to chumbacasino.com now and live the Chumba Life sponsored by Chumba Casino.

[Albert]

No purchase necessary. VGW Group Void where prohibited by law.

[Ethel]

21 + terms and conditions apply.

[Ryan Seacrest]

You just realized your business needed to hire someone yesterday. How can you find amazing candidates fast? Easy. Just use Indeed. Stop struggling to get your job posts seen on other job sites with Indeed sponsored jobs. Your post jumps to the top of the page for your relevant candidates so you can reach the people you want faster. According to Indeed data, sponsored jobs posted directly on indeed have 45% more applications than non sponsored jobs. Don't wait any longer. Speed up your hiring right now with Indeed and listeners of this show will get a $75 sponsored job credit. To get your jobs more visibility@ Indeed.com podkatz13 just go to Indeed.com podkatz13 right now and support our show by saying you heard about Indeed on this podcast. Terms and conditions apply. Hiring Indeed is all you need.