Falstaff's Fables 5xxxxx 50 The Brave Little Tailor

Summary

---

Podcast Summary: Harold's Old Time Radio

Episode: Falstaff's Fables — The Brave Little Tailor

Date: September 11, 2025
Host: Harolds Old Time Radio, featuring Alan Reed (“Falstaff Openshaw”) and Dick Tufeld
Series: Falstaff's Fables #5xxxxx-50

---

Episode Overview

This episode of Harold's Old Time Radio brings listeners another whimsical installment of "Falstaff's Fables," with Alan Reed reprising his role as the poetic and comedic Falstaff Openshaw. In "The Brave Little Tailor," the tale is retold in a clever, rhyming fashion, blending humor, wordplay, and a touch of old-fashioned moralizing. The episode is co-narrated by Falstaff Jr., adding youthful curiosity and comedic timing to the classic fable.

---

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Opening Banter and Humor (00:03 - 00:51)

• Alan Reed introduces the show with characteristic rhyming whimsy and wordplay, poking fun at classic fable tropes.
• There is playful riffing between Falstaff and Falstaff Jr. on the nature of the story to be told, with jests about tailoring puns (e.g., "cut him out, sew him up, or even follow suit") (01:03–01:07).

2. Sponsor Integration and Signature Style (01:21 - 01:56)

• Alan Reed seamlessly integrates a sponsor message for Milky Way candy bars into the rhyme and rhythm of the narrative, using a sing-song delivery that blends advertisement with entertainment rather than disrupting the story.

3. Main Story: The Brave Little Tailor (02:06 - 03:46)

• Plot recap with time-stamped highlights:
  • The Tailor's Feat (02:06): The tailor is humorously overwhelmed by the influx of flies rather than formidable men.
  • The Famous Deed (02:16): He swats seven flies at once, boasting:

    “I killed all seven with just one blow.” — The Tailor (02:23)

  • Comic Misunderstanding (02:23): The mayor believes the tailor slew seven men, not flies, leading to the expectation that the tailor can defeat a troublesome giant.
  • Confrontation and Trick (03:06): The tailor cleverly proposes to make the giant a new suit instead of fighting—"Would you scram if I made a nice giant sized suit of clothing?" (03:06).
  • Resolution and Wordplay (03:30): The giant is outwitted without violence; the tailor revels in his new status as town hero, ending with the pun:

    "Why, I gave him a belt on the back and also a cuff on the pants." — The Tailor (03:36)

4. Moral and Closing Rhymes (03:39 - 03:51)

• The tale closes with a neat moral, delivered in a witty rhyme:

  "You see, it sure pays to tell the truth." — Falstaff Jr. (03:46)

• The show wraps up with a clever play on the "Jack be nimble" nursery rhyme, subverting expectations to favor a Milky Way candy bar (03:51).

---

Memorable Quotes & Moments

• “Did he beat the giant?” — Falstaff Jr. (01:03)
• “No, he did nothing of the kind. Nor any of the other jokes there in your mind…” — Alan Reed, cheekily dismissing expected puns (01:07)
• “Would you scram if I made a nice giant sized suit of clothing?” — The Tailor’s offer to the giant (03:06)
• “Why, I gave him a belt on the back and also a cuff on the pants.” — The Tailor’s pun-laden explanation for how he “packed” the giant off (03:36)
• "You see, it sure pays to tell the truth." — Falstaff Jr., the story's tidy lesson (03:46)
• "Jack be nimble... that's a waste of time, I'd say. Settle down, Jack, eat a Milky Way. Good night." — Alan Reed, playfully concluding the story (03:51)

---

Important Timestamps

• 00:03 – Alan Reed's poetic intro
• 01:03 – Pun and joke setup about the tailor and the giant
• 01:21 – Integrated Milky Way advertisement (in rhyme)
• 02:06 – Start of "The Brave Little Tailor" fable
• 03:06 – The tailor bargains with the giant
• 03:30 – The tailor becomes a town hero
• 03:46 – The story’s moral delivered
• 03:51 – Closing rhyme and Milky Way plug

---

Tone & Style

The tone is lighthearted, cheeky, and steeped in classic mid-century radio flair. The language is playful and filled with puns, rhyme, and comedic misdirection, in keeping with the period's family-friendly entertainment values.

---

Summary Takeaways

This episode is a charming, quick listen that demonstrates the creative merging of advertising and storytelling in the golden age of radio. Alan Reed's Falstaff Openshaw delights with his clever rhymes, gentle parodies of fairy tale conventions, and a moral lesson for good measure—all while inviting listeners to enjoy a Milky Way. For fans of old-time radio and whimsical storytelling, it’s a delightful snapshot of a bygone era.

---

Transcript

[Alan Reed]

Hello? Have you heard? Mother, dear Mother, you know you're the one I love, but our car is out of gas, so will you get out and show?

[Dick Tufeld]

Yes. It's radio's famous poet, Falstaff Openshaw with Falstaff's Fables, transcribed Monday through Friday by Mars Incorporated, makers of Milky Way, the malted milk candy bar. Light, soft nougat, real malted milk, smooth, creamy caramel, all wrapped in extra thick pure milk chocolate. When you crave good candy, have a Milky Way. And here comes Falstaff with Falstaff Jr. And another Falstaff's fable, the Brave Little.

[Alan Reed]

Taylor prepared Falstaff indubitably. In fact, indouble dubitably shall, by all means. Thanks. Tonight I tell the tale of a tailor and the giant he went forth to hit.

[Falstaff Jr.]

Did he beat the giant?

[Alan Reed]

Oh, definitely, lad.

[Falstaff Jr.]

I suppose he gave him a fit.

[Alan Reed]

Yes, he gave. No, he did nothing of the kind. Nor any of the other jokes there in your mind. He didn't cut him out, sew him up, or even follow suit. Though the way that he did do it was really quite cute.

[Falstaff Jr.]

Well, how did he do it? Would you care to tell?

[Alan Reed]

Gladly. But first I've got something to sell for confection that's perfection For a treat at work or play for delicious and nutritious Just remember Milky Way. Yes, sir. For a candy treat that's always grand there's only two words you need say and I know once you try it you always will buy it Remember those words Milky Way.

[Dick Tufeld]

Now Falstaff's fable, the Brave Little Tailor.

[Alan Reed]

There was once a little tailor before the days of window screens who forever was battling insects that flew through his door in stream.

[Falstaff Jr.]

I'm gonna swat these doggone flies, Said.

[Alan Reed]

The tailor with a mutter Whereupon he sent seven right off to fly heaven with one blow of his little fly.

[Falstaff Jr.]

Swatter I killed all seven with just one blow.

[Alan Reed]

The little tailor cried. And the mayor, out walking by chance, heard him talking and thought it was men that had died. Mein boy, said the mayor. I didn't thus vet you killed seven men. That stupendous. Have you heard of the giant that's been so defiant? Go kill him at once. He's tremendous. The poor tailor he shook as his needle he took and off to the giant he traveled he found the big guy was 300ft high in a suit that was frazzled and unraveled. I've come here to kill you, the tailor confessed.

[Falstaff Jr.]

Though it's a job I regard with some loathing. Lets us make a trade Would you scram if I made a nice giant sized suit of clothing?

[Alan Reed]

It's a deal. Here's some cloth you can use. A tent from Barnum and Bailey. So the canvas was ripped up, the suit was soon whipped up and the giant departed quite gaily. The giant is gone the tailor told.

[Falstaff Jr.]

The town he's departed for England or France How'd I make him pack? Why, I gave him a belt on the back and also a cuff on the pants.

[Alan Reed]

So now he's the town's leading hero and a most successful youth he's rolling in riches and he says as he.

[Falstaff Jr.]

Stitches you see it sure pays to tell the truth.

[Alan Reed]

Jack be nimble Jack be quick Jack jump over the candlestick that's a waste of time I'd say Settle down, Jack eat a milking way Good night.

[Dick Tufeld]

Falstaff's Fables, starring Alan Reed, senior and junior with a rhyming hand from D.H. johnson, is presented by Mars Incorporated, makers of famous Milky Way candy bars.

[Alan Reed]

Yes, whenever you crave good candy, Whenever our flags unfurled Always say Milky Way. Milky Way is out of this world.

[Dick Tufeld]

Dick Tufeld speaking. This is abc, the American Broadcasting Company.