Falstaff's Fables 5xxxxx 50 The Brave Little Tailor

Summary

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Episode Overview

Podcast: Harold's Old Time Radio
Episode Title: Falstaff's Fables 5xxxxx 50 The Brave Little Tailor
Date: August 17, 2025
Theme:
This episode features a delightful retelling of “The Brave Little Tailor,” presented in a whimsical, poetic style by Falstaff Openshaw and his entourage. Set in the vintage tradition of radio storytelling, listeners are treated to a clever, humor-infused moral fable, peppered with period charm, puns, and signature candy bar promotions. Listeners experience both a homage to classic family entertainment and a gentle moral lesson.

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Key Discussion Points and Highlights

1. The Introduction of Falstaff and the Fable (00:33–01:21)

• The program is introduced with characteristic flair, positioning Falstaff Openshaw as “radio's famous poet.”
• Heavy and playful product placement for Milky Way candy bars, melding sponsor messages seamlessly with the narrative tone.

2. Setting the Scene: A Tailor and His Feat (01:21–02:26)

• Falstaff (Speaker B) announces the night’s fable about “a tailor and the giant he went forth to hit,” employing punny banter with Falstaff Jr.
• Jokes abound about tailoring and tailoring puns:
  • “I suppose he gave him a fit.”
    — Falstaff Jr. (D), (01:36)
  • “No, he did nothing of the kind, nor any of the other jokes there in your mind. He didn't cut him out, sew him up, or even follow suit, though the way that he did do it was not really quite cute.”
    — Falstaff (B), (01:38)

3. Milky Way Advertisements, Seamlessly Woven (01:53–02:26)

• Another cleverly rhymed plug for Milky Way, blending the fable's narrative voice with 1950s commercial cheer:
  • “For a candy treat that's always grand. There's only two words you need say... Remember those words. Milky Way.”
    — Falstaff (B), (02:07–02:16)

4. The Fable: The Brave Little Tailor Retold (02:26–04:21)

Swatting Flies…or Men? (02:36–02:56)

• The tailor, in his tiny shop, kills “seven” flies with one blow, then boasts loudly.
• The passing mayor mishears and thinks the tailor killed seven men.
  • “Mein boy, said the mayor. I didn't thus vet you killed seven men. That's stupendous. Have you heard of the giant that's been so defiant? Go kill him at once. He's tremendous.”
    — Falstaff (B), (02:56–03:15)

The Giant and the Great Garment Bargain (03:20–03:45)

• The tailor, trembling, confronts the enormous giant (300 feet tall!), and, rather than fight, offers to make a giant-sized suit:
  • “Let's us make a trade. Would you scram if I made a nice giant sized suit of clothing?”
    — Falstaff Jr. (D), (03:42)
  • “It's a deal. Here’s some cloth you can use. A tent from Barnum and Bailey.”
    — Falstaff (B), (03:45)

Victory by Ingenuity, Not Force (03:45–04:15)

• The tailor crafts the suit, the giant leaves, and the townsfolk celebrate their new “hero.”
  • “The giant is gone, the tailor told the town... Why, I gave him a belt on the back and also a cuff on the pants.”
    — Falstaff (B), (04:00–04:08)
• Final moral, blending honesty with a wink:
  • “You see, it sure pays to tell the truth.”
    — Falstaff Jr. (D), (04:15)

5. Closing Rhymes and Final Jokes (04:21–04:58)

• A parting poetic swipe at classic nursery rhymes:

  • “Jack be nimble, Jack be quick, Jack jump over the candlestick—that's a waste of time, I'd say. Settle down, Jack, eat a Milky Way. Good night.”
    — Falstaff (B), (04:21–04:33)

• The episode wraps with credits and a final Milky Way jingle.

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Notable Quotes and Moments

• Tailoring Banter and Puns:

  • “He didn't cut him out, sew him up or even follow suit, though the way he did do it was not really quite cute.”
    — Falstaff (B), 01:38

• Creative Problem-Solving:

  • “Let's us make a trade. Would you scram if I made a nice giant sized suit of clothing?”
    — Falstaff Jr. (D), 03:42

• Cheeky Morality:

  • “You see, it sure pays to tell the truth.”
    — Falstaff Jr. (D), 04:15

• Signature Wrap-Up:

  • “Jack be nimble, Jack be quick... Settle down, Jack, eat a Milky Way. Good night.”
    — Falstaff (B), 04:21–04:33

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Timestamps for Key Segments

• (00:33) — Show and Milky Way intro
• (01:21) — Introducing “The Brave Little Tailor”
• (02:36) — The tailor swats seven flies
• (02:56) — The mayor mixes up “flies” for “men”; challenges the tailor
• (03:42) — The crafty trade with the giant
• (04:00) — Giant leaves, tailor celebrated
• (04:15) — Moral: “It sure pays to tell the truth.”
• (04:21–04:33) — Jack be nimble / Milky Way outro rhyme

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Conclusion

This lively episode offers a humorous, pun-filled retelling of a classic tale, with delightfully persistent product plugs that evoke the golden age of radio. The playful poetry, inventive storytelling, and an ever-present wink at the audience make "The Brave Little Tailor" both a nostalgic treat and a charming lesson in both honesty and creative problem-solving.

Transcript

[A]

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[B]

Hello, have you heard? Mother? Dear Mother, you know you're the one I love, but our car is out of gas, so will you get out and show?

[C]

Yes, it's radio's famous poet Falstaff Openshaw with Falstaff's Fables, transcribed Monday through Friday by Mars Incorporated, makers of Milky Way, the malted milk candy bar. Light soft nougat, real malted milk, smooth creamy caramel, all wrapped in extra thick pure milk chocolate. When you crave good candy, have a Milky Way. And here comes Falstaff with Falstaff Jr. And another Falstaff's fable, the Brave Little.

[B]

Taylor prepared Falstaff indubitably. In fact, indouble dubitably shall by all means. Thanks. Tonight I tell the tale of a tailor and the giant he went forth to hit.

[D]

Did he beat the giant?

[B]

Oh, definitely, lad.

[D]

I suppose he gave him a fit.

[B]

Yes, he gave. No, he did nothing of the kind, nor any of the other jokes there in your mind. He didn't cut him out, sew him up, or even follow suit, Though the way that he did do it was not really quite cute.

[D]

Well, how did he do it? Would you care to tell?

[B]

Gladly. But first I've got something to sell for confection that's perfection for a treat at work or play. For delicious and nutritious. Just remember Milky Way. Yes, sir. For a candy treat that's always grand. There's only two words you need say, and I know once you try it, you always will buy it. Remember those words. Milky Way.

[C]

Now Falstaff's fable the Brave Little Tailor.

[B]

There was once a little tailor before the days of window screens who forever was battling insects that flew through his door in stream.

[D]

I'm gonna swat these doggone flies, said.

[B]

The tailor with a mutter. Whereupon he sent seven right off to fly heaven. With one blow of his little fly.

[D]

Swatter I killed all seven with just one blow.

[B]

The little tailor cried. And the mayor, out walking by chance, heard him talking and thought it Was men that had died, Mein boy, said the mayor. I didn't thus vet you killed seven men. That's stupendous. Have you heard of the giant that's been so defiant? Go kill him at once. He's tremendous. The poor tailor he shook as his needle he took and off to the giant he traveled he found the big guy was 300ft high in a suit that was frazzled and unraveled I've come here to kill you the tailor confessed.

[D]

Though it's a job I regard with some loathing Lets us make a trade. Would you scram if I made a nice giant sized suit of clothing?

[B]

It's a deal. Here's some cloth you can use. A tent from Barnum and Bailey. So the canvas was ripped up the suit was soon whipped up and the giant departed quite gaily. The giant is gone the tailor told.

[D]

The town he's departed for England or France How'd I make him pack? Why, I gave him a belt on the back and also a cuff on.

[B]

The pants so now he's the town's leading hero and a most successful youth he's rolling in riches and he says.

[D]

As he stitches you see it sure pays to tell the truth.

[B]

Jack be nimble Jack be quick Jack jump over the candlestick that's a waste of time, I'd say Settle down, Jack, eat a milking way Good night.

[C]

Falstaff's Fables, starring Alan Reed, senior and junior with a rhyming hand from D.H. johnson, is presented by Mars Incorporated, makers of famous Milky Way candy bars.

[B]

Yes, whenever you crave good candy, Whenever our flags unfurled Always say Milky Way. Milky Way is out of this world.

[C]

Dick Tufeld speaking. This is abc, the American Broadcasting Company.