Father Knows Best 50-09-14 (047) Family Car Stolen

Summary

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Podcast Summary: Father Knows Best 50-09-14 (047) – Family Car Stolen

Podcast: Harold's Old Time Radio
Host: Harold's Old Time Radio
Episode Date: November 11, 2025
Original Air Date: September 14, 1950

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Overview

This episode of Father Knows Best, presented by Harold's Old Time Radio, revisits the comedic chaos of 1950s family life. The story centers on the Anderson household on the hectic first day of school—a morning made even more frantic when the family’s car goes missing, derailing father Jim Anderson’s carefully laid plans for an important business meeting. The episode unfolds in classic radio sitcom fashion, blending relatable family squabbles with a gentle undercurrent of suburban humor.

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Key Discussion Points & Episode Structure

1. The Bathroom Bottleneck (00:50–04:16)

• The Anderson household descends into typical morning bedlam as all family members vie for turns in their single bathroom.
• Jim Anderson (Father) is especially frazzled, needing to get ready for a crucial meeting in Plainfield.
• Children and wife Margaret are mostly oblivious to Jim’s stress:
  • Notable Quote:
    “Anybody who thinks he can live in a house with one bathroom and three kids ought to have his head examined.” ― Jim Anderson (03:19)
• Arguments erupt over showers, shaving cream, and whose turn it is in the bathroom.

2. The Car Is Gone! (06:31–08:49)

• Bud, the son, discovers that the family car is not in the garage, sparking panic.
• Jim swiftly concludes the car has been stolen, but Margaret suggests there may be a logical explanation.
• Notable Quote:
  "Somebody stole the car. That’s all they did. Who? How do I know who?" ― Jim Anderson (07:10)
• The family retraces who last used the car; Betty, the eldest daughter, had left it by Jim’s office as instructed.

3. The Search (08:56–10:49)

• Various plans emerge to retrieve the car or find alternative transportation.
• Jim tries to recruit neighbor Ed Davis, but Betty’s school arrangements complicate matters.
• Ongoing bickering over responsibility and priorities between Jim and Betty, highlighting generational differences.

4. Jim’s Mounting Frustration (12:34–15:01)

• The Andersons’ inability to coordinate the bathroom schedule continues while Jim anxiously watches the time pass.
• Bud returns with shaving cream after a prolonged quest, but fixates on reimbursement.
  • Notable Moment:
    Extended father-son negotiation about 35 cents ends with Margaret stepping in with the money.
    "Will you let go of the shaving cream?" — Jim Anderson (14:11)

5. Realization & Actual Loss (17:55–19:48)

• After numerous false alarms and miscommunications, Betty calls from downtown: the car truly has been stolen!
  • Notable Quote:
    "Father? The car’s been stolen." — Betty Anderson (18:05)
• Jim gives Betty detailed instructions to go to the police and provide a full report.

6. Desperate Backup Plans & Family Comedy (20:06–23:43)

• Jim tries to borrow cars from neighbors, with each effort ending in comic disappointment (crashed vehicles, missing wipers).
• Notable Moment:
  "I’ve taken a contract to fill in the Grand Canyon, and I want to use the Phillips car for a dump truck…" — Jim Anderson, sarcastically, to Bud (20:13).

7. Resolution: The Car Reappears (23:43–25:08)

• Bud unexpectedly returns with the car, revealing it was never stolen—he had silently gone to get it himself.
  • Notable Quote:
    "No, it hasn’t, Dad. It's out in front of the house. I went downtown and got it." — Bud Anderson (23:43)

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Memorable Quotes

• "You know, Betty, you’re going to be a great comfort to me in my old age. If I live that long." — Jim Anderson (07:40)
• "Person gets you into a mess like this, the least they can do is get you out." — Jim Anderson (09:55)
• "Kathy, don't ever get married. And if you do get married, don’t have any children. And if you do have any children, don't try to shave. Grow a beard." — Jim Anderson (17:23)
• "That may be so, little lady. It may be so, but I just got a call from headquarters and you’re riding in a stolen car. Oh, no." — Policeman to Jim and Betty (28:20)

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Epilogue – On the Road Again (25:18–28:54)

• Finally en route to his meeting, Jim offers Kathy a gentle lecture on the importance of school and education.

• The episode ends with a final comic mishap: Jim is pulled over by a police officer because his car was reported stolen (failing to bring registration and driver’s license), underscoring the endless chain of miscommunications and small disasters in the Anderson home.

  Notable Exchange:

  • Betty: "The car's been stolen."

  • Jim: "Well, stop fooling around down there, and it — what?"
    (18:05)

  • Police Officer: "That may be so, little lady. It may be so, but I just got a call from headquarters and you're riding in a stolen car."
    (28:22)

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Thematic Notes & Episode Tone

• Theme: Family chaos, communication mishaps, generational misunderstandings, postwar optimism surrounding education.
• Tone: Warm, lightly sarcastic, gently exasperated humor characteristic of mid-century radio family sitcoms.

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Key Timestamps

| Time | Segment | Notes | |-----------|---------------------------------|-------------------------------------| | 00:50 | Episode begins | Introduces morning chaos | | 06:31 | Car discovered missing | Family starts to panic | | 08:56 | Possible solutions/readiness | Jim tries to retrieve car | | 17:55 | Betty’s downtown call | Car genuinely missing | | 23:43 | Bud brings car home | Not stolen after all | | 25:42 | School talk in car | School and teacher shortages | | 28:22 | Pulled over by police | Car reported stolen |

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Summary for New Listeners

This episode of Father Knows Best is a pitch-perfect snapshot of postwar suburban comedy: harried parents, wisecracking kids, and the never-ending tangle of minor catastrophes that come with raising a family. The plot pivots around a missing family car, spiraling through mistaken assumptions, overblown reactions, and a cascade of small comic defeats. The ultimate resolution—as with so many Anderson family adventures—comes less from brilliance than from the everyday competence and persistence of its youngest member. At its heart, it’s about misunderstanding and the laughter that comes in its wake.

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Transcript

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[Betty Anderson]

Mother, is Maxwell House the best coffee in the whole world?

[Margaret Anderson (Mother)]

Well, your father says so. And your father knows best.

[Narrator]

Yes, if Father knows best transcribed in Hollywood, starring Robert Young as Father. A half hour visit with your neighbors, the Andersons. Brought to you by America's favorite coffee, Maxwell House. The coffee that's always good to the last drop. This, unfortunately, is the time of year when most young people become arsonists. And at heart, as they sleep, the gentlest smiles creep softly across their gay young faces. Smiles caused by a joyous vision, a glorious dream of the schoolhouse burning down. Yes, this is the time of year when the young ones return to their scholastic grind. And in Springfield, in the white frame house on Maple street, the morning is a hectic one indeed. Like this.

[Betty Anderson]

Jim.

[Jim Anderson (Father)]

Who's in there?

[Betty Anderson]

Jim, your coffee's ready. Do you want it now?

[Jim Anderson (Father)]

I want to get into the bathroom. I have to shave. Betty?

[Betty Anderson]

I'm in here, Father.

[Jim Anderson (Father)]

Well, who's in the bathroom?

[Betty Anderson]

I think it's fuzz.

[Jim Anderson (Father)]

Good.

[Bud Anderson]

Bud, did you want something dead?

[Jim Anderson (Father)]

What are you doing in there?

[Bud Anderson]

I'm taking a shower.

[Jim Anderson (Father)]

Well, why did you lock the door?

[Bud Anderson]

I don't have any clothes on.

[Jim Anderson (Father)]

Bud.

[Bud Anderson]

Yes, dad?

[Jim Anderson (Father)]

Hurry up.

[Bud Anderson]

Okay, dad. I'll be right out. I dream of a D with a light.

[Jim Anderson (Father)]

He doesn't have any clothes on.

[Narrator]

Of course.

[Jim Anderson (Father)]

Everybody else takes a shower in a raccoon coat. I don't know what's gotten into that boy. Acts more like his mother's side of the family every day.

[Betty Anderson]

Jim, what's with all that banging up there?

[Jim Anderson (Father)]

Oh, the same old thing. Honey, isn't there anything we can do about a schedule for the bathroom that gets worse every morning?

[Margaret Anderson (Mother)]

I know, dear, but after all, this is a special morning. It's the first day of school and the children are all anxious to look their best.

[Jim Anderson (Father)]

But I have to be in Plainfield at 9 o'.

[Narrator]

Clock.

[Jim Anderson (Father)]

It's a very important deal. I told everybody last night.

[Margaret Anderson (Mother)]

Of course, dear. I know just how you feel. And you'll feel a lot better after you've had your coffee. I'll have it ready in just a minute.

[Jim Anderson (Father)]

You said it was ready.

[Margaret Anderson (Mother)]

It was ready, but when you didn't come down.

[Jim Anderson (Father)]

Look, I'd better go back upstairs and stand in line.

[Margaret Anderson (Mother)]

Jim, it will only take me a second to pour you another cup of coffee.

[Jim Anderson (Father)]

Well, okay. And anybody who thinks he can live in a house with one bathroom and three kids ought to have his head examined. What is it, Bud?

[Margaret Anderson (Mother)]

I'm out.

[Jim Anderson (Father)]

Well, it's about time. Don't let anybody else in till I get up there.

[Bud Anderson]

Okay.

[Betty Anderson]

Jim, where are you going?

[Jim Anderson (Father)]

I'm going to shave.

[Betty Anderson]

But I poured your coffee.

[Jim Anderson (Father)]

Sorry, honey, you'll just have to pour it back. The bathroom's clear. I may not have a chance like this for another hundred years. Hold the fork, Bud. I'm on my way.

[Betty Anderson]

Daddy, Bud says I can't go into the bathroom.

[Jim Anderson (Father)]

That's right. Thank you, Bud.

[Bud Anderson]

Okay, then.

[Betty Anderson]

But I have to take a shower and I have to go to school. And how can I take a shower if nobody will let me get into the bathroom?

[Jim Anderson (Father)]

Kathy, Daddy has to go to Plainfield. That's 20, 28 miles away. And he has to be there at 9 o'. Clock.

[Margaret Anderson (Mother)]

Why?

[Jim Anderson (Father)]

Because I want to sell Mr. Butler some insurance so we can get some money so we can eat. Is that clear?

[Betty Anderson]

I don't know. I just want to take a shower.

[Jim Anderson (Father)]

Kathy, I have to shave, and I can't shave while you're taking a shower.

[Betty Anderson]

Why?

[Jim Anderson (Father)]

Because you get the mirror all steamed up. Because I want to get to Plainfield wearing both ears. And don't say why.

[Betty Anderson]

Why?

[Jim Anderson (Father)]

Why don't you go do your homework or something?

[Betty Anderson]

Oh, I don't have any homework. School hasn't even started yet.

[Jim Anderson (Father)]

Well, make some up. Bud, what happened to my shaving cream?

[Bud Anderson]

You want me, dad?

[Jim Anderson (Father)]

No, I want my shaving cream. Where is it?

[Margaret Anderson (Mother)]

Maybe there isn't any.

[Jim Anderson (Father)]

I could have figured that out for myself, except that I just bought a whole tube of it. Margaret.

[Betty Anderson]

What? Shaving cream, dear?

[Jim Anderson (Father)]

The shaving cream I bought last night.

[Margaret Anderson (Mother)]

You didn't buy any shaving cream last night.

[Jim Anderson (Father)]

I most certainly did, didn't I?

[Margaret Anderson (Mother)]

No, dear, you didn't.

[Jim Anderson (Father)]

Well, I should have. Bud.

[Bud Anderson]

Yes, dad?

[Jim Anderson (Father)]

Are you dressed?

[Bud Anderson]

I'm tying my shoes.

[Jim Anderson (Father)]

Well, run down to the drugstore and get me some shaving cream like a good fellow, will you? You bet.

[Bud Anderson]

Soon as I finish my breakfast.

[Jim Anderson (Father)]

Get it for me now. You can have your breakfast later.

[Bud Anderson]

Holy cow, Dad, I haven't eaten since last night.

[Jim Anderson (Father)]

Well, another five minutes won't make any Difference. Use the car and hurry back, please. Okay. What in the. Who's in there? Kathy, come out of that bathroom this instant.

[Betty Anderson]

I'm not in the bathroom, Daddy.

[Jim Anderson (Father)]

Well, who is?

[Betty Anderson]

I don't know.

[Jim Anderson (Father)]

Betty.

[Bud Anderson]

Betty.

[Betty Anderson]

Did you want something, Father?

[Jim Anderson (Father)]

What are you doing in there?

[Betty Anderson]

I'm taking a shower.

[Jim Anderson (Father)]

Well, open the door, Father.

[Betty Anderson]

Jim, you.

[Margaret Anderson (Mother)]

Can'T shave until Bud comes back anyway.

[Jim Anderson (Father)]

That's got nothing to do with it. I was in the bathroom first. She had no right to sneak in when my back was turned.

[Margaret Anderson (Mother)]

Will you please stop acting like an overgrown baby? You can have your coffee while Betty is taking her shower.

[Jim Anderson (Father)]

Why do they have to open the schools today? 365 days in the year and they have to pick a day when I have an appointment in Plainfield? There's no system in this town. That's what. They just run things to suit themselves.

[Bud Anderson]

Dad, the car isn't in the garage.

[Jim Anderson (Father)]

It what?

[Bud Anderson]

It isn't in the garage.

[Jim Anderson (Father)]

Oh, that's fine. That's just great. I'm not having enough trouble now Somebody's stolen the car.

[Margaret Anderson (Mother)]

Jim, let's not get all upset. Maybe you didn't put the car in the garage last night.

[Jim Anderson (Father)]

I didn't use the car last night. I came home with Ed Davis, remember? Betty had the car all afternoon. Betty.

[Betty Anderson]

Yes, Father?

[Jim Anderson (Father)]

Where did you leave the car?

[Betty Anderson]

Just a minute. I'll be right out.

[Jim Anderson (Father)]

Bud, go downstairs and call the police.

[Margaret Anderson (Mother)]

No, Bud, wait. There must be a logical explanation to this whole thing.

[Jim Anderson (Father)]

Of course there's a logical explanation. Somebody stole the car.

[Betty Anderson]

Is anything wrong, Father?

[Jim Anderson (Father)]

Oh, no. Everything's just fine. Somebody stole the car. That's all they did. Who? How do I know who? Where did you leave it?

[Betty Anderson]

In front of your office. That's what you told me to do, isn't it?

[Jim Anderson (Father)]

I told you to leave it in front of the office.

[Betty Anderson]

That's right. You said if I got through early to leave it in front of your office and come home on the bus. Then you wouldn't have to use the bus during the rush hour.

[Jim Anderson (Father)]

But I came home with that Davis.

[Betty Anderson]

Well, I came home on the bus.

[Jim Anderson (Father)]

You know, Betty, you're going to be a great comfort to me in my old age. If I live that long.

[Betty Anderson]

Father, I just did what you told me to.

[Jim Anderson (Father)]

Why didn't you tell me you left the car downtown?

[Betty Anderson]

You didn't ask me.

[Jim Anderson (Father)]

E gods. 17 years old and she can't tell you anything unless you ask her.

[Bud Anderson]

I'll be right back.

[Jim Anderson (Father)]

Bud, where are you going?

[Bud Anderson]

It's okay, dad. I'll use My bicycle.

[Betty Anderson]

No.

[Jim Anderson (Father)]

Bud, come back here.

[Betty Anderson]

Buddy. Gone, dear?

[Jim Anderson (Father)]

I don't know. The only time that boy ever hurries is when you want him to stand still.

[Margaret Anderson (Mother)]

Well, dear, you told him to go to the drugstore.

[Jim Anderson (Father)]

I wanted him to go down for the car. How can I possibly get to Plainfield without a car?

[Margaret Anderson (Mother)]

You can use the bus.

[Jim Anderson (Father)]

Nobody asked you.

[Betty Anderson]

But you just said I was 17 years old.

[Jim Anderson (Father)]

What? I just said. What's that?

[Margaret Anderson (Mother)]

What's what, dear?

[Jim Anderson (Father)]

That's a car. Is it in our driveway?

[Margaret Anderson (Mother)]

No, that's the Davises. I guess Ed's going to work.

[Jim Anderson (Father)]

Ed. That's it, Betty. Hurry up and get dressed.

[Betty Anderson]

What for?

[Jim Anderson (Father)]

Never mind what for. Just get dressed.

[Betty Anderson]

Jumping creepers.

[Jim Anderson (Father)]

Ed. Say, Ed. Hi, Jim. What's up? Ed, I want you to do me a favor, a big favor. Will you wait until Betty gets dressed and take her down to my office? Sure, I guess so. She'll only be a minute. Okay, but tell her to make it snappy. Thanks, Ed. You're a pal. Well, that'll take care of that, Betty.

[Margaret Anderson (Mother)]

What did Ed say, dear?

[Jim Anderson (Father)]

He's waiting for Betty, and he'll take her downtown and she can bring the car back there.

[Margaret Anderson (Mother)]

You see, there was no need to get upset about the whole thing in the first place.

[Jim Anderson (Father)]

Well, that's a matter of opinion. Betty, what are you doing?

[Betty Anderson]

I'm getting dressed.

[Narrator]

Okay.

[Jim Anderson (Father)]

Look, Ed Davis is waiting to take you downtown.

[Betty Anderson]

Oh, he doesn't have to do that, Father. Janie Ligget's gonna pick me up.

[Jim Anderson (Father)]

He's going to take you downtown so you can get our car and bring it back here.

[Betty Anderson]

But I can't, Father. I'll miss my ride to school.

[Jim Anderson (Father)]

I'll take you to school.

[Betty Anderson]

But Janie Liggett.

[Jim Anderson (Father)]

I don't care about Janie Liggett. This is more important.

[Betty Anderson]

Well, if it's so important, why don't you go downtown with Mr. Davis?

[Jim Anderson (Father)]

I'll tell you why. In the first place, I haven't shaved. In the second place, I haven't had my shower. And in the third place, I told you to go down in the first place. Now, hurry up and get dressed.

[Margaret Anderson (Mother)]

Oh, poo.

[Jim Anderson (Father)]

And don't take all day about it.

[Betty Anderson]

Double poo.

[Jim Anderson (Father)]

What was that?

[Betty Anderson]

I said yes, Father.

[Jim Anderson (Father)]

Person gets you into a mess like this, the least they can do is get you out. If you'd used her head, the car wouldn't have been left downtown in the first place. First time in her whole life she ever got through with it. Early.

[Margaret Anderson (Mother)]

Jim, why don't you come downstairs with me?

[Bud Anderson]

And have your breakfast.

[Margaret Anderson (Mother)]

You can save a little time.

[Jim Anderson (Father)]

No, I've got to shave.

[Margaret Anderson (Mother)]

And you can't shave until Bud gets back with the shaving cream.

[Jim Anderson (Father)]

Well, I can take a shower and brush my teeth and. Oh, no.

[Margaret Anderson (Mother)]

What is it, dear?

[Jim Anderson (Father)]

Who's in there? Who's in the bathroom?

[Betty Anderson]

Did you want something, Daddy?

[Narrator]

That's a real cup of coffee. Nice words to hear at your table, aren't they? And tomorrow you can hear them from the world's greatest coffee expert. Yes, ma'. Am. Because that number one expert is your husband. Of course, we think we stand pretty high as experts. Our Maxwell House coffee is America's favorite brand. But we know the final judge is that husband of yours. And tomorrow, if you'll pour him a cup of Maxwell House, you'll hear him say, now that's real coffee. We're so sure of that. We'll give you your money back if he doesn't. You see, we're mighty proud of that famous good to the last drop flavor. And we know no other coffee tastes like Maxwell House because no other coffee's made like Maxwell House. Get a pound. Tomorrow, serve it to your husband if he doesn't say it's the best coffee he ever tasted. Why, just send us the can and unused portion and we'll gladly refund the price you paid. Our address is right on the front of that familiar blue tin. Tomorrow, start serving the world's greatest coffee expert, Maxwell House coffee. Always good to the last drop. Cleanliness is next to godliness. That's what they say, but there are times when it can be overdone. It's a cup of coffee later in the white frame house on Maple Street. And the Anderson's bathroom is still giving a pretty fair imitation of the Grand Central Station. Father, unshowered and unshorn is low man on the totem pole. And last man into the bathroom as usual. Like this.

[Jim Anderson (Father)]

They ought to pass an ordinance, that's what.

[Margaret Anderson (Mother)]

What was that, dear?

[Jim Anderson (Father)]

I said there ought to be a law. No house can be built without 10 bathrooms.

[Bud Anderson]

Jim.

[Jim Anderson (Father)]

Well, look at the time. A quarter past eight and I haven't even started to shave.

[Margaret Anderson (Mother)]

It won't take long once Bud gets back. How about another cup of coffee?

[Jim Anderson (Father)]

Well, okay.

[Margaret Anderson (Mother)]

There you are.

[Jim Anderson (Father)]

Thank you. Even if Betty gets back with a car by 8:30, I won't be able to make it.

[Margaret Anderson (Mother)]

Of course you will.

[Jim Anderson (Father)]

Oh, it's 28 miles to Plainfield and my appointments for 9 o'. Clock.

[Margaret Anderson (Mother)]

Jim, I'm sure if you explain to Mr. Butler, he'll understand?

[Jim Anderson (Father)]

Oh, sure. I'm sorry I'm late, Mr. Butler, but one of my children left the car downtown and the others wouldn't let me get into the bathroom. He'll love that.

[Bud Anderson]

Hey, dad.

[Jim Anderson (Father)]

Well, it's about time. We're in here, Bud.

[Bud Anderson]

Boy, did I ever have a time. You know what happened?

[Jim Anderson (Father)]

Never mind what happened. Where's the shaving cream?

[Bud Anderson]

Right here. Gosh, it was awful. You know what happened.

[Jim Anderson (Father)]

All I want is the shaving cream. What took you so long?

[Bud Anderson]

Well, that's what I'm trying to tell you. You know what happened? Mr. Crandall wasn't open yet, and I had to find a drugstore that stayed open all night. And then when I found it, I didn't have enough money for the large economy size. And then he couldn't find the small, uneconomy size. And he tried to sell me that smelly kind that you don't like, but I said, oh, no.

[Jim Anderson (Father)]

And he said, bud, give it to me. What? The shaving cream. Let me have it. Oh.

[Bud Anderson]

It was 35 cents, Dad.

[Jim Anderson (Father)]

I know how much it was. Hand it over.

[Bud Anderson]

Well, my allowance is only a dollar and a quarter, and I spent 60 cents last night. And there's a whole week to go.

[Jim Anderson (Father)]

Will you let go of the shaving cream?

[Bud Anderson]

I know you don't mean to forget things like that, dad, but last year when I laid out 15 cents for.

[Jim Anderson (Father)]

The pipe cleaners, I paid you for the pipe cleaners.

[Bud Anderson]

No, you didn't, Dan.

[Jim Anderson (Father)]

As a matter of fact, I think I paid you twice.

[Bud Anderson]

Well, anyway, it was only 15 cents. But this is 35 cents.

[Jim Anderson (Father)]

Bud, let go.

[Bud Anderson]

That's practically half a dollar. I said let go, and I only get a dollar and a quarter.

[Jim Anderson (Father)]

Bud, you're squashing it.

[Bud Anderson]

So why don't you just give me the 35 cents?

[Jim Anderson (Father)]

Because I don't carry money in my pajamas, that's why. Now let go.

[Margaret Anderson (Mother)]

But I'll give you the 35 cents.

[Jim Anderson (Father)]

You will?

[Margaret Anderson (Mother)]

Yes.

[Bud Anderson]

Oh, well, here you are, dad.

[Jim Anderson (Father)]

Thank you. Thank you very much.

[Bud Anderson]

Oh, that's okay, Dad.

[Jim Anderson (Father)]

I was glad to help. Yes, I can see that.

[Margaret Anderson (Mother)]

All right, Bud, sit down and I'll get your breakfast.

[Jim Anderson (Father)]

Oh, gosh.

[Bud Anderson]

You can understand how I feel, can't you?

[Jim Anderson (Father)]

Mom?

[Margaret Anderson (Mother)]

Yes, dear?

[Bud Anderson]

It isn't as if I didn't trust him. But look what happened when I bought the pipe cleaner.

[Dutch Vet Announcer]

Time is precious, and so are our pets. So time with our pets is extra precious. That's why we started Dutch. Dutch provides 247 access to licensed vets with unlimited virtual visits and follow ups for up to five pets. You can message a vet at any time and schedule a video visit the same day. Our vets can even prescribe medication for many ailments. And shipping is always free. With Dutch, you'll get more time with your pets and year round peace of mind when it comes to their vet care.

[Jim Anderson (Father)]

My own son. You think I was trying to cheat him out of 35 cents? Where did he get the 35 cents in the first place? And look at it. If that isn't the messiest looking tube of shaving cream. Got it all squeezed out of shape. Spend your whole life trying to make things easy for your family. E Gods. Kathy. Kathy. Aren't you out of there yet?

[Betty Anderson]

I'm missing my dreams.

[Jim Anderson (Father)]

What?

[Betty Anderson]

I'm brushing my teeth.

[Jim Anderson (Father)]

You've been in there long enough to grow new ones. Now come on up.

[Betty Anderson]

But I have to brush my teeth.

[Jim Anderson (Father)]

You can brush them later. Open the door.

[Betty Anderson]

Daddy, I have to brush my teeth. If I don't, I'll have to do it afterwards and then I'll be late for school.

[Jim Anderson (Father)]

I'll take you to school. Just let me get in there.

[Betty Anderson]

I wasn't late for school even once last year. And this year find like the very first day.

[Jim Anderson (Father)]

You won't be late, Kathy, I promise you. Now, please let me get through.

[Betty Anderson]

Gee, Wes, just because I'm the littlest one in the family, everybody thinks I don't have any feelings. I do. I've got as many feelings as anybody.

[Jim Anderson (Father)]

Fine. I'll tell him when he comes in.

[Betty Anderson]

You tell who what? Who will you tell when he comes in?

[Jim Anderson (Father)]

When who comes in?

[Betty Anderson]

I don't know.

[Jim Anderson (Father)]

Well, stop talking about people you don't know. May I please shave?

[Betty Anderson]

He said, I'll tell him when he comes in. And I said, who? And he said, Jim.

[Jim Anderson (Father)]

E God. Now what? What is it, Margaret?

[Betty Anderson]

Betty's on the phone.

[Jim Anderson (Father)]

Well, tell her to hurry up.

[Betty Anderson]

She wants to talk to you.

[Jim Anderson (Father)]

Oh, my aching back. I'll be right down. Margaret. Kathy, don't ever get married. And if you do get married, don't have any children. And if you do have any children, don't try to shave. Grow a beard.

[Betty Anderson]

Daddy, is it all right if I brush my teeth now?

[Jim Anderson (Father)]

No. Stay out of the bathroom.

[Betty Anderson]

He wins.

[Jim Anderson (Father)]

Betty, why aren't you back here?

[Betty Anderson]

Is that you, Father?

[Jim Anderson (Father)]

Of course not. This is Admiral Byrd and I'm speaking from the South Pole. Where are you?

[Betty Anderson]

I'm downtown.

[Jim Anderson (Father)]

That's nice. Are you having a good time?

[Betty Anderson]

Father? The car's been stolen.

[Jim Anderson (Father)]

Well, stop fooling. Around down there. And it. What?

[Betty Anderson]

It isn't where I left it. There's another car there. And the man at the filling station said he saw somebody fiddling around with it this morning.

[Jim Anderson (Father)]

Betty.

[Betty Anderson]

And I guess they found the place under the mat where we hide the keys.

[Jim Anderson (Father)]

Betty.

[Betty Anderson]

Yes, Father?

[Jim Anderson (Father)]

Go over to the police headquarters. Give them a full description of the car. Make, model, color, license number. Have you got that?

[Betty Anderson]

I guess so.

[Jim Anderson (Father)]

Tell them I'll be in later in the morning to make a full insurance report. Is that clear?

[Betty Anderson]

Well, there's only one thing I don't understand.

[Jim Anderson (Father)]

Yes?

[Betty Anderson]

What am I supposed to do about my breakfast?

[Jim Anderson (Father)]

Betty.

[Betty Anderson]

Yes, Father?

[Jim Anderson (Father)]

Eat it.

[Betty Anderson]

Oh, okay.

[Jim Anderson (Father)]

And, Betty.

[Betty Anderson]

Don't worry, Father. I'll take care of everything.

[Jim Anderson (Father)]

Good.

[Betty Anderson]

Right after breakfast.

[Jim Anderson (Father)]

Betty. Betty. Oh, fine. It's a conspiracy, that's what it is. The whole thing is a plot to keep me from getting to Plainfield. Well, that's fine. That's just great.

[Margaret Anderson (Mother)]

What did Betty want? Beer. Is anything wrong?

[Jim Anderson (Father)]

No, everything's wonderful. This time somebody really stole the car, that's all. Oh, Jim, I'm up to my neck in appointments. The busiest time of the whole year. Thing like this has to happen to me. Sure. Nasty. They'd have to be busy. They'll probably be busy all day.

[Margaret Anderson (Mother)]

Oh, dear.

[Jim Anderson (Father)]

George Phillips. If I can borrow his car, I can still get to Plainfield in time. Bud.

[Margaret Anderson (Mother)]

Jim, I wouldn't count on that. George may need the car himself. Why don't you just call Mr. Butler?

[Jim Anderson (Father)]

Because it took me two months to set up this appointment, and I don't intend to lose it. And if George Phillips can't do a little thing like lend me his car, well, it's just too bad, that's all.

[Margaret Anderson (Mother)]

All right, dear. I suppose you know best, Bud.

[Bud Anderson]

You want me, dad?

[Jim Anderson (Father)]

Now, whatever gave you that idea?

[Bud Anderson]

You said Bud.

[Jim Anderson (Father)]

And you figured the rest of it out all by yourself. Isn't that wonderful?

[Bud Anderson]

What did I do?

[Jim Anderson (Father)]

Go across the street and ask Mr. Phillips if I can use his car? What for? I've taken a contract to fill in the Grand Canyon, and I want to use the Phillips car for a dump truck. Oh, stop asking so many silly questions and do as you're told.

[Margaret Anderson (Mother)]

But all I said was, Bud, do as your father tells you.

[Jim Anderson (Father)]

Holy cow.

[Bud Anderson]

Ask a perfectly simple question and everybody jumps down your neck. Get a bunch of double talk about filling in the Grand Canyon.

[Margaret Anderson (Mother)]

Jim, I don't think you were very nice to Bud.

[Jim Anderson (Father)]

Well, I haven't got time to be nice. I got to get a car. I've Got to get to Plainfield. Margaret.

[Margaret Anderson (Mother)]

Yes, dear?

[Jim Anderson (Father)]

I'm going upstairs to shave. Will you call Hector Smith and ask if I can borrow his car? I'll have it back at the 12 o' clock at the latest.

[Margaret Anderson (Mother)]

All right.

[Jim Anderson (Father)]

And explain that it's an emergency. Tell him it's practically a matter of life and death.

[Betty Anderson]

Yes, dear, I'll tell him.

[Jim Anderson (Father)]

Oh, I've never seen a morning like this in my whole life. Everything has to go wrong. I don't even know why I bothered to get out of bed.

[Betty Anderson]

Hello, Elizabeth?

[Jim Anderson (Father)]

Oh, no. Kathy, are you in there again?

[Betty Anderson]

I'll be right out, Daddy.

[Jim Anderson (Father)]

I told you not to go back in, didn't I?

[Betty Anderson]

But you were on the phone and I had to wash my knees.

[Jim Anderson (Father)]

You just took a shower. Everybody in the world's been taking a shower.

[Betty Anderson]

I forgot to scrub my knees. And I couldn't go to school the very first day if I didn't scrub my knees, could I?

[Jim Anderson (Father)]

All right, Kathy, just let me in there.

[Betty Anderson]

Don't they look better now, Daddy?

[Jim Anderson (Father)]

They're gorgeous. Now, may I please get into the bathroom, Jim? Oh, what is it, dear?

[Betty Anderson]

Elizabeth says she's awfully sorry, but Hector ran into the back of a truck and their car won't be out of the garage garage until Friday.

[Jim Anderson (Father)]

That's great. Good old Hector. Good old reliable Hector.

[Betty Anderson]

Do you want me to call the Hathaways? They have an extra little car.

[Jim Anderson (Father)]

What did they say, bud?

[Bud Anderson]

Mr. Phillips had to go downtown early and he took the car with him.

[Jim Anderson (Father)]

Oh, fine.

[Bud Anderson]

And Mrs. Phillips says she doesn't think Mr. Phillips would let you take you to the Grand Canyon anyway on account of one of the windshield wipers.

[Jim Anderson (Father)]

Well, that makes as much sense as anything else that's happened today.

[Betty Anderson]

Daddy, you said you were going to take me to school.

[Margaret Anderson (Mother)]

Kathy, this is no time to annoy your father.

[Betty Anderson]

But he said.

[Jim Anderson (Father)]

It's all right, Margaret. I don't care. The way things have been going this morning, my mind is absolutely numb anyway.

[Bud Anderson]

Dad.

[Jim Anderson (Father)]

Two months. Two whole months getting Butler lined up for the kids kill. And then a thing like this has to happen. Dad find bunch of friends we have. The windshield wiper doesn't work. Hector ran into the back of a truck, dad.

[Margaret Anderson (Mother)]

Tim, I'm sure he didn't do it intentionally.

[Jim Anderson (Father)]

No, but if he wanted to borrow a car, you can bet your bottom dollar there'd be nothing the matter with ours.

[Bud Anderson]

Dad.

[Jim Anderson (Father)]

But don't you ever keep still?

[Bud Anderson]

I want to ask you something.

[Jim Anderson (Father)]

Well, go ahead. Don't just stand there.

[Bud Anderson]

Why don't you use Our car?

[Jim Anderson (Father)]

But just a minute, Margaret. I'll be glad to tell him. It seems, Bud, that you have a sister who hasn't sense enough to come in out of the rain.

[Betty Anderson]

I didn't do anything.

[Jim Anderson (Father)]

She left the car downtown with the keys under the mat.

[Betty Anderson]

Oh, that one.

[Jim Anderson (Father)]

And as a result, we don't have a car. Sure we do, Bud. The car has been stolen.

[Bud Anderson]

No, it hasn't, dad. It's out in front of the house. I went downtown and got it.

[Margaret Anderson (Mother)]

Oh, no.

[Narrator]

So the car has been sitting right out in front of the house. Seems like when you want something, it pays to look for it where it ought to be. Certainly that's true. In buying coffee, you want the most for your money. The most in flavor and enjoyment. And as the world's greatest coffee expert will tell you, you'll find it right in the coffee famous for flavor above all others. Our Maxwell House Coffee. Sure, just pour a cup of Maxwell House for that husband of yours. He's the number one expert. And when he says, that's my kind of coffee, you'll know Maxwell House is your kind of coffee too. Your best coffee buy. Find out tomorrow, start serving your husband, Maxwell House and count how many truly good cups of coffee you get from just one of those familiar blue tins. We think you'll find it gives you the most for your money. So tomorrow, see how much the world's greatest coffee expert enjoys Maxwell House Coffee.

[Jim Anderson (Father)]

Always good to the last drop.

[Narrator]

A mere 15 minutes have gone by, but things in Springfield are pretty much under control so far as Jim Anderson is concerned. At any rate, with his hands firmly on the steering wheel of his car, only two things remain between father and his business appointment. Kathy's delivery to school and a 28 mile drive to Plainfield. He'll be a little late, but he isn't too worried. As a matter of fact, he isn't worried at all.

[Jim Anderson (Father)]

Like this. Daddy, there's Kathy.

[Betty Anderson]

Why does everybody have to go to school? Is it that important?

[Jim Anderson (Father)]

Of course it's important. It's practically the most important thing in your whole life.

[Betty Anderson]

Why?

[Jim Anderson (Father)]

Because, Kathy, if you don't go to school, you don't learn anything. And if you don't learn anything, you aren't prepared for the problems you meet later in life.

[Betty Anderson]

What kind of problems?

[Jim Anderson (Father)]

Oh, all kinds of problems.

[Narrator]

Like?

[Jim Anderson (Father)]

Well, like how to answer the questions your children keep throwing at you. Things like that. It's very important. Daddy, now what?

[Betty Anderson]

Why is everybody so worried about the schools and spirits Springfield?

[Jim Anderson (Father)]

Well, they aren't worried, Kathy. Not if they're sound, public spirited citizens. They realize that worrying doesn't do any good. It's action that counts. They know that better schools make better communities. And good citizens everywhere are helping to make our school system the finest in the world. That's pretty hard to do.

[Betty Anderson]

Why?

[Jim Anderson (Father)]

Well, it's on account of the last war, honey. During the war we couldn't build enough schools or train enough teachers. So now we have overcrowded classrooms and a shortage of qualified instructors for the lower grades.

[Betty Anderson]

What's that?

[Jim Anderson (Father)]

Teachers. Oh, yes, sir. If more young men and women would train to teach in the elementary schools, they'd find a wonderful career ahead of them. And they'd be helping to build a better country for all of us at the same time.

[Betty Anderson]

They would?

[Jim Anderson (Father)]

They certainly would.

[Betty Anderson]

Well, then I changed my mind. When I grow up, I'm going to be a teacher and somebody else can be a lady wrestler.

[Jim Anderson (Father)]

That's a very good idea. God, now what did I do?

[Betty Anderson]

He wants you to pull over to the curb.

[Jim Anderson (Father)]

I know what he wants. I wasn't going too fast, was I?

[Betty Anderson]

I don't know.

[Jim Anderson (Father)]

I was going 25 miles an hour. Remember that.

[Betty Anderson]

All right, Daddy.

[Jim Anderson (Father)]

The light was green, wasn't it? Yes, Daddy, certainly was. Hello, Officer. Anything I can do for you? There may be one or two little things.

[Bud Anderson]

May I see your driver's license, please?

[Jim Anderson (Father)]

Of course. Carry it right here in my wallet. Right here in the. Officer, I was in such a hurry this morning that I left my wallet on the dresser. But I can assure you that I've been driving and screaming.

[Bud Anderson]

Could I see your registration certificate or.

[Jim Anderson (Father)]

Would that happen to be at home on the piano? Officer, I have to be in Plainfield as close to nine o'clock as I can make it. And ever since I got up this morning. Follow me, if you don't mind. But Officer, if I don't get the plane. Follow you where? We'll take a little trip down to the station house. And let's not try any tricks. Look, this is my daughter and she'll.

[Betty Anderson]

Tell you we were going 25 miles an hour and the light was green.

[Jim Anderson (Father)]

That may be so, little lady. It may be so, but I just got a call from headquarters and you're riding in a stolen car. Oh, no.

[Narrator]

Life is swell when you keep well and Post. 40%. Bran Flakes is the wonderful breakfast cereal that gives you three extra keep fit benefits. One brand to help prevent irregularity due to lack of bulk in the diet. Two whole wheat values of these essential B vitamins, thiamine and niacin. Three, a good source of these important minerals, phosphorus and iron. All that and delicious flavor, too. Try post 40% Bran Flakes, America's favorite Bran Flakes. Remember, life is swell when you keep. Well, try post 40% Bran Flakes, America's favorite Bran Flakes. Join us again next week when we'll be back with Father Knows Best, starring Robert Young as Jim Anderson, with Roy Vargy and the Maxwell House Orchestra, and yours truly, Bill Foreman. So until next Thursday, good night and good luck from the makers of Maxwell House, America's favorite brand of coffee, always good to the last drop. Father Knows Best was transcribed in Hollywood and written by Ed James. Now stay tuned in for Dragnet, which follows immediately over most of these stations.

[Jim Anderson (Father)]

Listen now for Dragnet Three chimes mean.

[Narrator]

Good times on NBC.