Father Knows Best 50-10-05 (050) Family Spending

Summary

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Father Knows Best 50-10-05 (050): Family Spending

Podcast: Harold's Old Time Radio
Host: Harold's Old Time Radio
Air Date: October 5, 1950 (original), August 29, 2025 (podcast replay)
Episode Theme: Family Spending

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Episode Overview

This classic episode of Father Knows Best dives into the timeless household struggle of family spending and the irresistible allure of door-to-door salespeople. Jim Anderson's attempts to instill prudence meet comic resistance as each member of the family succumbs to sales pitches. The result is a gentle, satirical exploration of how easily a family can be persuaded to purchase things they absolutely do not need. The episode humorously portrays the challenges of maintaining financial common sense in the face of emotional appeals, peer pressure, and familial guilt.

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Key Discussion Points and Insights

1. The Plague of Unnecessary Purchases

• Opening Conflict: Jim Anderson questions why the family owns a copy of the “Poultry Breeders Bulletin and Gazette.”

  • Margaret defends her purchase, explaining she bought it from a polite young salesman “working his way through Harvard,” and that it was a choice between a poultry or a mining magazine.
  • Jim is exasperated:

    “How do you expect me to keep on feeding them if you keep on buying the Poultry Breeders Bulletin and Gazette?”
    — Jim, [03:05]

• List of Useless Magazines:

  • Jim points out a growing stack of strange publications: The Bee Culture Quarterly, the Wine Growers Weekly, the Goat Herders Gazette.
  • He blames the family’s name making its way onto “every sucker list in the country.” [03:13]

2. Margaret’s Guilt-Based Purchases

• Margaret, succumbing to social obligation, gives a deposit for a multi-volume bird encyclopedia sold by her friend’s (Mary Edith Steele’s) awkward nephew.
  • Jim, incredulous about the purchase of “The history of our feathered friends,” tries to find a way out of the transaction.
  • Margaret:

    “He was a very nice boy, Jim. Really he is. Of course, it’s too bad they didn’t have his teeth straightened when he was young.”
    — Margaret, [04:10]

3. Bud and Betty’s Shopping Follies

• Bud:

  • Buys an overpriced “Joe DiMaggio” baseball glove on the sales pitch that his hand is shaped just like the famous player’s.
  • Jim, caustic:

    “If you've got a hand like that, you can use just any. Any old glove, can you?”
    — Jim, [06:47]

• Betty:

  • Buys an ugly, expensive sweater just to avoid offending her friend.
  • Jim is bewildered by her logic:

    “Betty, for the sake of my poor belabored mind, would you please start all over again from the beginning?”
    — Jim, [09:22]

4. Kathy’s Complaint

• Youngest daughter Kathy laments that everyone gets to buy things except her.
  • “I never get to buy anything.”
    — Kathy, [10:46]

5. The Family as “Suckers” and Reverse Peer Pressure

• The Anderson home has become a magnet for every door-to-door seller around, with Jim feeling like there’s no escape.
  • “Anytime the doorbell rings, somebody buys something, they’ll buy anything.”
    — Jim, [10:30]

6. Mr. Gribble’s Niece and Social Obligations

• JP Gribble, Jim’s boss, calls to ask a “favor”: buy some products from his niece, who is going door-to-door.
  • Jim resigns himself to buying, saying:

    “Of course, JP, I’ll be glad to.”
    — Jim, [11:44]

7. The Lingerie Sales Farce

• Sheila Gibson, the beautiful salesgirl (Gribble’s niece), arrives.

• Jim, embarrassed but trying to be gracious, awkwardly buys three of everything she has—turns out, it's all lingerie for “large women,” supposedly for Mrs. Gribble.

  • Betty:

    “Father, you can't look at things like that, like plot.”
    — Betty, [18:14]

  • Jim, blushing and flustered:

    “If your mother can buy the Poultry Breeders Gazette, I can look at lingerie. Now, let’s see it.”
    — Jim, [18:14]

• The comedy escalates as family members walk in on the scene, increasing the embarrassment:

  • Bud is sent repeatedly to turn sprinklers on and off just to keep him away [19:27].
  • Jim simply agrees to everything:

    “I’ll take three. Just give me three of everything and tell me how much it is.”
    — Jim, [20:03]

• The bill: $84—an enormous sum at the time.

• Margaret returns, sees the black nightgown Sheila is demonstrating, and is aghast:

  • “My own home to find you cavorting with that woman.”
    — Margaret, [23:03]
  • Jim tries to explain:

    “I wasn’t cavorting. I was buying stuff.”
    — Jim, [23:07]

8. The Ongoing Cycle

• Even after escorting the salesgirl out and resolving the misunderstanding, another of Mr. Gribble’s relatives arrives—this time a little girl selling Lifesavers.
  • “I got all kinds of lifesavers. Sperm em at wintergreen. Oh, no.”
    — Little girl & Jim, [25:20]

9. Breakfast Aftermath

• The family, reflecting on their purchases—bird books, gloves, sweaters, and lingerie—tries to make peace with their impulsiveness.
  • Kathy, comically:

    “What are you going to do with your black nightgown?”
    — Kathy, [27:37]

  • Jim, stammering, moves on—“Cream, please.” [27:39]

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• Jim’s Summation of Family Spending:

  “Nobody has a family like this. Nobody else in the whole world.”
  — Jim, [10:58]

• On Social Pressure & Guilt:

  “Janie bought a sweater, and the clerk said, isn’t it beautiful? And I had to say yes. And then she told me I ought to buy one, and I couldn’t say I thought it was hideous, so I did.”
  — Betty, [09:29]

• Comic Embarrassment:

  “If your mother can buy the Poultry Breeders Gazette, I can look at lingerie. Now, let’s see it.”
  — Jim, [18:14]

• Never-ending Cycle:

  “Seems like no matter how hard you try to go right, you sometimes go wrong in buying things.”
  — Jim, [25:43]

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Timestamps for Major Segments

• [01:21-03:15]: The magazine and guilt-purchase problem
• [06:10-07:44]: Bud’s baseball glove and salesmanship
• [08:01-10:02]: Betty’s ugly sweater and peer pressure
• [10:43-11:36]: Kathy’s “never gets to buy anything” outburst
• [11:36-13:00]: Mr. Gribble’s favor and sales niece setup
• [16:53-22:41]: The salesgirl, lingerie purchasing farce, and family embarrassment
• [23:01-24:54]: Margaret returns—a misunderstanding resolved
• [25:05-25:43]: New salesman (niece) arrives selling Lifesavers—routine never ends
• [26:59-27:44]: The calming breakfast and comic wrap-up

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Episode Tone and Style

• Warm, wry, and gently self-mocking; the family’s foibles are treated with affection.
• Jim’s exasperation is always tempered by love and the comical resignation of a man outnumbered by impulse shoppers.

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Final Thoughts

This episode is an affectionate send-up of both mid-century domestic life and universal family dynamics. The timeless pitfalls—peer pressure, guilt purchases, sales tactics, and familial misunderstandings—are on full display, all wrapped in the warm, comedic heart that defines Father Knows Best.

For listeners seeking a hearty laugh and a reminder of how little family life has changed over the decades, this is classic radio comfort food.

Transcript

[A]

Mother, is Maxwell House the best coffee in the whole world? Well, your father says so, and your father knows best.

[B]

Yes, it's Father Knows Best transcribed in Hollywood, starring Robert Young, his father. A half hour visit with your neighbors, the Andersons, brought to you by Maxwell House. The coffee that's bought and enjoyed by more people than any other brand of coffee at any price. Maxwell House, always good to the last drop. In the latter part of the 18th century, Dr. Friedrich Anton Mesmer conducted an amazing series of experiments. Experiments in the field of hypnotism. In his work, Mesmer used rabbits, chickens, even people with results we can describe only as astonishing. There was one field, however, which he neglected to investigate. The hypnotic influence of the average salesman on the average American home in Springfield, in the white frame house on Maple Street. This subject is now about to be explored, but thoroughly. Like this. Margaret.

[A]

Yes, dear?

[B]

What's this?

[A]

What's what, dear?

[B]

This.

[A]

Oh, that. That's a magazine.

[B]

I know it's a magazine, but what are we doing with a copy of the Poultry Breeders Bulletin and Gazette?

[A]

Well, we had our choice between that and the Mining Engineer's Monthly Manual.

[B]

So you took the Poultry Breeders Bulletin and Gazette?

[A]

Naturally. We wouldn't have any use for a magazine about mining engineers, would we?

[B]

Margaret.

[A]

Yes, dear?

[B]

Have you developed a sudden interest in poultry?

[A]

No.

[B]

A poultry breeder.

[A]

Jim, don't be ridiculous.

[B]

Well, you don't just go out and buy a thing like this without some reason.

[A]

I didn't go out. He brought it here.

[B]

Who did?

[A]

Well, I don't know his name, but he was a very nice boy and he's working his way through Harvard.

[B]

You mean we bought a subscription for this thing?

[A]

It was only $4, Jim. And if I thought you were going to make all this fuss.

[B]

I'm not making any fuss. It's just that I see no reason for throwing money away on things we don't need.

[A]

People always need magazines.

[B]

All right, but why did you have to pick the Poultry Breeders Bulletin and Gazette?

[A]

I told you, dear, because we couldn't use the Mining Engineer's Monthly Manual.

[B]

And we had to buy something, didn't we?

[A]

He was a very nice boy, Margaret.

[B]

I, too, am a very nice boy. I'm one of the nicest boys I know, and I work very hard for my money.

[A]

Yes, dear.

[B]

I have three children to support. Three hungry children who eat like overgrown vacuum cleaners.

[A]

Yes, dear.

[B]

How do you expect me to keep on feeding them if you keep on buying the Poultry Breeders Bulletin and Gazette?

[A]

I bought it only once.

[B]

Margaret, don't you see what's happening? You've got our names on every sucker list in the country.

[A]

That's not so.

[B]

It certainly is. Look at that stack of magazines. The Bee Culture Quarterly, the Wine Growers Weekly, the Goat Herders Gazette. What good are they? We don't need any of them.

[A]

Oh. Oh, dear.

[B]

What's the matter?

[A]

Jim? Promise me you won't be angry.

[B]

What did you buy?

[A]

Now, first promise me you won't be angry.

[B]

All right, I promise. What did you buy?

[A]

Well, Mary Edith Steele. You remember Mary Edith, don't you?

[B]

Naturally. We went to different schools together. What about her?

[A]

Well, she has a son by her first marriage, Howard Milliken. Her first husband's name was Milliken. And that's why Howard's name is Milliken and her name is Steel. He's a very nice boy, Jim. Really he is. Of course, it's too bad they didn't have his teeth straightened when he was young.

[B]

Margaret.

[A]

Yes, dear?

[B]

What did you buy?

[A]

I didn't buy anything.

[B]

Good.

[A]

Not really, that is, Margaret. I just gave him a deposit, Jim. And I don't have to pay the balance until it's delivered.

[B]

Until what's delivered?

[A]

The history of our feathered friends.

[B]

You bought a book about birds?

[A]

Well, not exactly a book.

[B]

Oh, it's 12 books, Margaret.

[A]

But they're beautifully bound, Jim. And they cost only $18. And they're worth three times that. Howard said so.

[B]

Margaret.

[A]

Yes, dear?

[B]

We don't want them.

[A]

But I've given him a two dollar deposit.

[B]

Tell him to keep the deposit. We don't want the books, Jim.

[A]

I can't do a thing like that. I can't possibly.

[B]

I can. What's the number?

[A]

They don't have a telephone.

[B]

Well, where do they live?

[A]

Jim, if I promise not to buy anything more.

[B]

Where do they live?

[A]

Hi, everybody. I'll never be able to look Mary Edith in the face again.

[B]

Fine. Where do they live? Where does who live?

[A]

Dan isn't as though we can't use the books, dear. You can't ever tell when you might want to know something about birds.

[B]

I know everything about birds that I intend to know. Now, will you please tell me where they live? Who? Dad?

[A]

You don't have to tell them a thing, Jim Anderson. I'll go over there myself this very instant.

[B]

Good. Where? Mom.

[A]

And I'll tell them exactly why we aren't going to take the books.

[B]

You do that. Who, dad.

[A]

And don't be a bit surprised if no one in that entire family ever speaks to you again.

[B]

That's all right, too. Fine thing. If you won't buy their silly books, they won't talk to you. Dad. What? Who? Who? What? Who won't talk to you? Howard Milliken.

[A]

Who's he?

[B]

The boy who won't talk to me. And I'm just as happy. Atta boy.

[A]

Say, dad.

[B]

Not now, Bud. I've just gone through a thing with your mother. I. But I want you to see something.

[A]

Look at that.

[B]

Dad, do you know whose hand that is? Yours. Take it upstairs and give it a bath. Joe DiMaggio. Does he know what's missing? The man said in his whole life he'd never seen a hand that looked more like Joe DiMaggio's. Fine. I hope you'll both be very happy. That's why I need the $2. What $2?

[A]

For the glove.

[B]

What glove? My new baseball glove. My Joe DiMaggio's. Bud. Well, gosh, if you've got a hand like that, you can use just any. Any old glove, can you? But who told you your hand was like DiMaggio's? The man who sold me the glove. Take it back. But the man said. Take it back. Holy cow. Mother, what if he won't take it back? Then what am I going to do? I already gave him $4. It's very simple. Give him $2 more. Where am I going to get it? Work for it. Or is it against the law to push a lawnmower with Joe DiMaggio's hand? And don't say holy cow. Gee whiz.

[A]

Father, have you seen Mother?

[B]

She went out.

[A]

Where?

[B]

She's going to give Howard Milliken the birds.

[A]

What?

[B]

Never mind. Dad, would you lend me $2 if I gave you security? What kind of security? My old glove. No. That's what I figured.

[A]

You don't know when Mother will be back, do you, Father?

[B]

Pretty soon. What's in the box?

[A]

The box?

[B]

Box. B, O, X. A device for carrying things like the one you have in your hand box.

[A]

Oh. Oh. Oh. It isn't anything, Father.

[B]

Just something I bought and paid for, I hope.

[A]

Maybe I better go look for Mother. She might need me for something.

[B]

Betty, come back here.

[A]

Yes, Father.

[B]

In the event that you missed that last bit of subtlety, I'll repeat it. And paid for, I hope. What if I threw in my Scout knife? Well, Betty, it cost me almost a dollar and a half. Are you going to answer me? And that was two years ago when a dollar and a half was a dollar and a half. But. Go turn off the sprinklers. They aren't on. Then turn them on. Good gosh. What some people have to go through to get too measly fucked. Betty.

[A]

Yes, Father?

[B]

You charged it, didn't you?

[A]

Yes, Father.

[B]

Why?

[A]

Well, I didn't have any money. And anyway, I think it's awful.

[B]

What is?

[A]

The sweater. It's horrible.

[B]

Then why did you buy it?

[A]

I had to, Father. Janie Leggett's my best friend. I couldn't insult her, could I?

[B]

Betty, for the sake of my poor belabored mind, would you please start all over again from the beginning?

[A]

Well, Janie bought a sweater, and the clerk said, isn't it beautiful? And I had to say yes. And then she told me I ought to buy one, and I couldn't say I thought it was hideous, so I did.

[B]

You said it was hideous?

[A]

No, I bought one.

[B]

Well, take it back.

[A]

Oh, I can't, Father. It was on sale.

[B]

Oh, I don't know. When I was a boy, things like this never happened in my house. People bought what they needed, and that was all Daddy. And so help me, if she bought something, I'll strangle her.

[A]

Father. Hi, Daddy. Where's everybody?

[B]

She's out. Where is it? Where's what? Whatever it is you bought.

[A]

I didn't buy anything. Phew. Nobody told me to buy anything.

[B]

That's more like it.

[A]

But I will.

[B]

Never mind.

[A]

I never buy anything.

[B]

You're the only one in this whole family with any sense. Anytime the doorbell rings, somebody buys something, they'll buy anything. The Goat Herder's Gazette. Joe DiMaggio's glove.

[A]

I want to buy something.

[B]

Oh, Kathy, stop it.

[A]

Everybody gets to buy things except me. I never get to buy anything.

[B]

Debbie, make her stop it.

[A]

Well, I don't know if I can. Kathy, please.

[B]

Nobody has a family like this. Nobody else in the whole world. Hello? Hello, Jim. This is Gribble. J.P. gribble. Oh, hello, J.P. those group insurance figures still haven't come back from New York. Kathy, stop it. That isn't why I call. Jim, could you do me a favor? A big favor? Why, of course, J.P. if I can. What is it? Well, I have a niece. My sister's girl. Pretty little thing, wants to make some extra money. Oh, well, you see, J.P. so she's going from house to house, selling things, ringing doorbells, you know.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

Did you say something? No, J.P. that was just the doorbell. Oh. Well, as I was saying, I've given her the names of a few people. Just a few, you know. And I consider it a great favor if you'd buy some of her things, JP I've done just gone through a whole thing with my family about not buying things we don't need. Now, if I buy just two or three of everything she's got, that's all. Two or three. Then if you'll just bring everything over to me, I'll be glad to reimburse you. Oh, well, of course, J.P. i'll be glad to. Be a lot easier just to give her the money. But you know how it is. Proud little creature, won't take a thing from me. Wants to earn it on her own. Well, I understand perfectly, J.P. naturally, you won't let her know I've called. Oh. Haven't heard from you in weeks. That's the idea. I knew I could count on you, my boy. And I'll bring the things up to you in the morning. Anytime at all, Jim. I'll be glad to take them off your ass. Why? Well, I'll see you in the morning. Thank you, Jim, and good night, my boy. Good night, J.P. who was it, Kathy?

[A]

It was a lady selling things already.

[B]

Tell her to come in.

[A]

You want her to come in?

[B]

That's right.

[A]

But you said you didn't want us to buy anything.

[B]

Kathy, we've been buying things for months from anybody who came to the door. Now, this is something special. This is something I've got to buy. Tell the lady to come in.

[A]

I can't.

[B]

Why not?

[A]

I already told her to go away.

[B]

Oh, no. Now, that's good coffee. Best I ever had. Those words will really warm your heart when you hear them from the world's greatest coffee expert. Yes, ma'. Am. Because that number one expert is the man you want to please most. Your husband. Of course. We think we're pretty fair experts. Our Maxwell House coffee is America's favorite brand. But the expert with the last word is that man of yours. And if you brew him a pot of Maxwell House, we're mighty sure he'll say that's what I call good coffee. In fact, if he doesn't, we'll give you your money back. You see, we know there's no other coffee tastes like our Maxwell House. Because no other coffee's made like Maxwell House. No other coffee has that wonderful good to the last drop flavor. So we'd like you to bring home a pound tomorrow, start serving Maxwell House coffee to that husband of yours. And if he doesn't say it's the best coffee ever, why, you send us the can and unused portion and we'll gladly refund the price you paid. Our address is right on the front of that familiar blue, tiny. Tomorrow, see how much the world's greatest coffee expert enjoys Maxwell House coffee. Always good to the last drop. If moments later on Maple street and at one white frame house occupied by the Andersons, there's a soapy whir of speculation. Will Kathy be able to find the salesgirl and bring her back? Will Margaret recover her $2 deposit from Howard Milliken? Will Jim be able to carry out Mr. Gribble's instructions? Certainly. Sounds exciting, doesn't it? It's drama. That's what it is. Sheer, unadulterated drama. Like this.

[A]

Father.

[B]

What is it, Benny?

[A]

Do you hate green sweaters?

[B]

Not particularly.

[A]

I do.

[B]

Good.

[A]

Of all the sweaters in the store, she would have to pick out a green one.

[B]

Who?

[A]

Janie Liggett. And I look terrible in green.

[B]

She couldn't have gotten off the block.

[A]

Janie Liggett?

[B]

No, Mr. Gribble. That girl who was selling things.

[A]

Daddy, I found her. I found her. Wow.

[B]

Good for you.

[A]

Oh, it was so exciting. Daddy, she was just getting kicked out of the Woody.

[B]

She What?

[A]

I mean, Mrs. Woody was telling her she didn't want any.

[B]

Oh. Well, where is she?

[A]

She's coming. And. Oh, Daddy, is she pretty?

[B]

She is, huh?

[A]

She's got beautiful golden hair and big blue eyes. Who has, Father?

[B]

Just someone with whom I have to do some business, that's all.

[A]

What kind of business?

[B]

Betty, why don't you go upstairs and worry about your green sweater or something?

[A]

Well, if you're going to do business with beautiful blondes and don't want us around.

[B]

I didn't say I didn't want you around. I merely said just stay here and keep quiet, please.

[A]

Hello. Oh, come on in. I left the door open. Thank you.

[B]

Kathy, why don't you go somewhere and play?

[A]

I want to watch.

[B]

Just be sure that you don't. Hello, there. I'm Jim Anderson.

[A]

How do you do, Mr. Anderson? I'm Sheila Gibson.

[B]

Yes, you certainly are. Come on in. Sit down.

[A]

Thank you very much.

[B]

That's better, isn't it?

[A]

Yes, quite.

[B]

This is my older daughter, Betty.

[A]

How do you do, Betty? Hi.

[B]

And of course, you've met Kathy.

[A]

Of course. Hi. She said you wanted to see me about something.

[B]

Yes, I. I certainly do. I. We'd like to see what you're selling.

[A]

Oh. For any particular reason?

[B]

Well, of course, I'll probably buy something. We buy things here all the time.

[A]

Is Mrs. Anderson at home?

[B]

No, but we don't have to worry about that. Just brought everything out.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

What are you selling, anyway?

[A]

Lingerie What?

[B]

Lingerie.

[A]

What's that? Lady silk lingerie, Father.

[B]

Well, there's nothing wrong with the lady silk lingerie, is there?

[A]

No, not that I know of. Father, you can't look at things like that, like plot.

[B]

Betty, why can't I? If your mother can buy the Poultry Breeders Gazette, I can look at lingerie. Now, let's see it.

[A]

All right. Father, may I speak to you a minute?

[B]

Later, Betty. Let's just get this over with first.

[A]

Daddy. Why won't you tell me, Daddy? This is one of our better garments, Mr. Anderson. It's pure silk and comes in the loose legs.

[B]

I'll take three. Just put it away. I'll take three.

[A]

Thank you. Did you have any particular size in mind?

[B]

Yes, Mrs. Gribb. I mean, it's. It's for a large woman. Very large.

[A]

About a 46, Father. That's a 10.

[B]

Well, if it's the largest you have, it'll be fine.

[A]

All right. Now, as a companion piece, we generally recommend this form fitting.

[B]

I'll take three.

[A]

Oh, but I want to explain.

[B]

You don't have to explain. I'll take three.

[A]

In the large size?

[B]

Yes, the large size. Oh.

[A]

Hey, dad, how long do you want me to. Holy cow.

[B]

But. Go turn on the sprinklers. I just turned them on. Well, turn them off. You just said to turn them on. Now, I'm telling you to turn them off and stop arguing. I wasn't arguing. But first you tell me to turn them on, then you tell me to turn them off.

[A]

Holy cow.

[B]

That was my son.

[A]

So I gathered. As a special introductory feature, Mr. Anderson, we're offering a new.

[B]

I'll take three. Just give me three of everything and tell me how. How much it is.

[A]

That's very generous of you, but I really feel.

[B]

It's quite all right. Ms. Gibson. Ms. Gibson, I was saying to my wife just the other day, the next time somebody comes along selling things, we'll just take three of everything. That's what I said.

[A]

Father, do you feel all right?

[B]

Of course I feel all right. I feel fine.

[A]

Your collar's melting. Why is your face all red?

[B]

It's hot in here, that's all. It's very hot. How much do I owe you?

[A]

Well, it comes to $84, but that includes Mr. Anderson. Let me show it to you.

[B]

You don't have to bother.

[A]

Oh, but I want to. Tell me, have you ever seen anything more beautiful?

[B]

Yes, fine, fine. Yes, Just put it away.

[A]

Oh, Father, that's gorgeous. How do you sleep in a thing like that? You don't sleep in them, silly. Have you ever seen anything so sheer, so soft, so beautifully delicate?

[B]

It's. It's great, Just great. Now, will you please put it away?

[A]

Oh, Father, may I look at it just for a minute? It's lovely, isn't it?

[B]

You can look at it later.

[A]

Hold it up against you so I can see.

[B]

All right, Ms. Gibson.

[A]

Jim, uh.

[B]

Oh, Jim.

[A]

Howard, Millicent says he's very sorry, but. Well, Mother, isn't it beautiful? It's a nightgown.

[B]

Margaret, this is Ms. Gibson. She sells things.

[A]

Doesn't she, though? Mrs. Anderson, your husband's bought some beautiful lingerie, but about the size.

[B]

The size is fine, Ms. Gibson. And here's the $84, and thank you very much.

[A]

Oh, this is really wonderful, Mr. Anderson. And I want you to know I appreciate it very much.

[B]

That's quite all right.

[A]

Oh, of course. What does he care about $84? I'll see that your order's delivered in a very few days.

[B]

That'll be fine, just fine.

[A]

Oh, and thank you, Mrs. Anderson. You have a very generous husband. Oh, yes. Jim the playboy, we call him. Margaret, why don't you girls show Ms. Gibson to the door? That won't be necessary, Mrs. Anderson. I'm sure they want to. Don't you, girl? I want to stay here, Kathy. Come on. Thank you again, Mr. Anderson.

[B]

Oh, thank practically nothing of it.

[A]

Goodbye. Goodbye, Ms. Gibson. But I want to hear what they're going to say. Don't worry. You'll hear it upstairs.

[B]

Well, Jim Anderson, wait till she gets out.

[A]

She's out.

[B]

You see, Margaret, I got a call from Mr.

[A]

In my own home. My own home to find you cavorting with that woman.

[B]

I wasn't cavorting. I was buying stuff.

[A]

Jim, how could you do a thing like that?

[B]

Like what?

[A]

Black silk nightgowns in my living room.

[B]

She was holding it up, Margaret. She wasn't wearing it.

[A]

She might just as well have been. What were you thinking of?

[B]

Group insurance? You see, Margaret, I got this call from Mr. Gribble.

[A]

I wasn't out of the house for more than 10 years, and he said.

[B]

He was sending his niece over the.

[A]

Very instant my back is turned. You invite strange women into the living room, and now only his niece.

[B]

His niece?

[A]

You mean that was Mr. Gribble's niece?

[B]

Huh?

[A]

And he sent her over?

[B]

Yep. Oh, she's too proud to take money from her uncle, so he asked to quit. Few friends to buy things from her for him. That's why I had to get everything so large. They're for Mrs. Gribble. Oh, Jim, I couldn't say anything in front of Ms. Gibson or the children. He doesn't want her to know anything about her.

[A]

Jim, I'm so ashamed.

[B]

Oh, that's all right, honey. We all make mistakes once in a while.

[A]

But when I saw her with that black nightgown in front of me.

[B]

Margaret, let's just forget the whole thing, shall we? What happened with our feathered friend?

[A]

Howard says he can't do anything about it. He's already put the order in. I'm sorry, dear.

[B]

Well, it just goes to show what happens when you don't figure things out. I knew exactly what to do, what to expect, and so it worked fine. Gribble's happy, his niece is happy. And as soon as I get my $84, I'll be happy.

[A]

Jim.

[B]

Just a second, honey. I'd better answer some door.

[A]

If it's anybody selling anything, tell them we don't want anything.

[B]

Don't worry, angel. I know just how to handle it. Hello.

[A]

Mr. Anderson?

[B]

Yes.

[A]

I'm Amelia. My uncle, Mr. Gribble, said you'd buy some My Lifesavers.

[B]

Lifesavers?

[A]

I got all kinds of lifesavers. Sperm Em at Wintergreen. Oh, no.

[B]

Seems like no matter how hard you try to go right, you sometimes go wrong in buying things. But that needn't happen when you buy coffee. No, ma'. Am. Because the world's greatest coffee expert can tell you where to find the most for your money, the most in flavor and just plain pleasure. All you do is set a cup of Maxwell House coffee in front of your husband. He's the expert, we mean. And when he looks up at you with a smile and says, now, that's a real cup of coffee, why, you'll know Maxwell House is your coffee buy. Find out tomorrow. Bring home a familiar blue tin of Maxwell House and listen to your husband praise that wonderful good to the last drop flavor and then count all the truly good cups of coffee you get from that £1. We think you'll be convinced Maxwell House Coffee gives you the most for your money because it's always good to the last drop. It's morning now and breakfast time in the white frame house on Maple Street. There's a fragrant scent of coffee in the air. Crisp bacon frying in the skillet and father burning in the breakfast room. Like this.

[A]

Books about birds can be very useful, can't they, dear?

[B]

Yes. Yes, I guess they can be. Please pass the toast, Kathy.

[A]

Here you are, Daddy. You know, in this light the sweater looks fine, doesn't it, Father?

[B]

Great. Butter, please. Say, dad, you know what Joe Phillips.

[A]

Said to me last night?

[B]

I know, Bud. What did Joe Phillips say to you last night? Anytime I want to sell my Joe DiMaggio glove, he'll give me a two dollar profit. Good. May I please have the sugar? There you are, dad. Thank you.

[A]

Well, things seem to have worked out very well after all, haven't they?

[B]

Oh, yes, just fine. Pass the cream, please.

[A]

Daddy?

[B]

Yes, Kathy?

[A]

What are you going to do with your black nightgown?

[B]

Cream, please. Say, mom, if you have trouble getting your children to eat a hot cereal for breakfast, here's the perfect solution. Just serve them Hop Along Cassidy's favorite hot cereal. Post wheat meal. Yes, Post wheat meal. Just tell the youngsters how swell wheat meal tastes with a wonderful nut like flavor. Tell them how Hoppy gets plenty of real solid nourishment from that rich brown treat cooks in just three and a half minutes. You'll see. You'll go along with Hopalong. It's the best hot cereal you ever ate. Join us again next week when we'll be back with Father Knows Best, starring Robert Young as Jim Anderson. With Roy Bargy and the Maxwell House Orchestra and yours truly, Bill Foreman. So until next Thursday, good night and good luck from the makers of Maxwell House, America's favorite brand of coffee, always good to the last drop. Father Knows Best was transcribed in Hollywood and written by Ed James. Now stay tuned in for Dragnet, which follows immediately over most of these stations. Yes, be sure to hear Dragnet and remember, Bill Bendick stars tomorrow on NBC.