Father Knows Best - A New Housekeeper

Summary

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Podcast Summary: Harold's Old Time Radio

Father Knows Best – "A New Housekeeper"

Episode Date: June 21, 2026
Host: Harold’s Old Time Radio
Source Series: Father Knows Best

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Episode Overview

This episode of Father Knows Best (“A New Housekeeper”) centers on patriarch Jim Anderson’s determination to help his wife, Margaret, around the house—by hiring a housekeeper, Mrs. Collins. What follows is a classic comedy of suburban manners, misunderstandings, and 1950s family dynamics as the Andersons reckon with the strong-willed Mrs. Collins and try to impress important dinner guests.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Jim’s Proposal for a Housekeeper

• Margaret has a headache and the kids are running wild, spotlighting her exhaustion.
• Jim suggests hiring a housekeeper, mainly to help Margaret and… impress an upcoming dinner guest, Mr. Edwards, president of the Chamber of Commerce.
• Margaret is resistant:
  • Quote (03:12):
    Margaret Anderson: "Jim, darling, in five years I'll be 40 and then you can swap me in for 2-20."
• Their back-and-forth is light and playful, with trademark witty banter.
• The true motive—impressing the Edwards to secure Jim a position on the Chamber board—emerges.
  • Quote (05:09):
    Jim Anderson: "Margaret, being on the Chamber of Commerce is a very honor. I certainly think that it's worth the small expenditure of time and energy."

Timestamps:

• Initial discussion: 02:43–06:08

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2. Mrs. Collins Arrives

• Despite Margaret’s repeated objections, Jim hires Mrs. Collins without full consent.
• Mrs. Collins’s introduction is memorable—she’s brash, candid, and seems to have her own rules for household management:
  • Quote (07:01):
    Mrs. Collins: "My face just killing me, and I got a pain in my back that I wouldn't wish onto my first husband."
• Mrs. Collins proceeds to lay out her preferred house rules:
  • Early breakfast for all
  • No “personal maid” services—everyone hangs up their own belongings
  • Guests for dinner require 48 hours notice
  • Disregard for “pants on the chair”—she’ll throw them out the window
• Margaret shifts from resistance to sly support, enjoying the chaos Mrs. Collins brings—perhaps as payback for Jim’s meddling.
  • Quote (10:27):
    Margaret Anderson: "No, go ahead, Mrs. Collins. I think I'm beginning to like the whole idea."

Timestamps:

• Mrs. Collins’s arrival and rules: 06:25–11:14

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3. The Chaotic Dinner with the Edwards

• The big dinner arrives, with the Andersons anxiously trying to put on airs for Mr. and Mrs. Edwards.
• Mrs. Collins undermines the entire formality with her bluntness:
  • She interrupts, comments on food, and criticizes Mrs. Edwards’s diet and figure.
  • She takes personal calls at the dinner table, even talking about placing bets on horse races.
  • Memorable Moment (16:22):
    Mrs. Collins (to Mrs. Edwards): "Look, Derry, if I was you, I'd lay off the bread. With a shape like yours, it’s murder."
  • Memorable Moment (18:41):
    Jim Anderson: "I'll answer it, Mrs. Collins."
    Mrs. Collins: "Now, you stay right where you are. What do you think you’re paying me for?"
• The dinner devolves through awkwardness, with an exasperated Jim and mortified Margaret.

Timestamps:

• Dinner scene: 15:01–20:08

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4. Aftermath and Dismissal

• After the disastrous dinner, Jim acknowledges his mistake in hiring Mrs. Collins.
  • Quote (21:14): Jim Anderson: "What mind? She's got the brain of a half-witted hyena. And if she had the least bit of decency, she'd give it back."
• Jim attempts to fire Mrs. Collins, who refuses to leave without proper legal notice and insists she likes it at the Andersons’:
  • Claims she’s entitled to a week’s pay and room/board.
  • Quote (23:42):
    Jim Anderson: "Mrs. Collins. We want you to go away now. You're discharged. You're the most discharged person we've ever had in this house. Now, will you please pack up your things and get out?"
  • Mrs. Collins retorts she can't be fired without a week's notice.
• Resolution is postponed as Mrs. Collins chooses to “vacation” at the Andersons.

Timestamps:

• Firing attempt: 21:02–24:35

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5. Epilogue/Surprise Ending

• A week later, Jim bemoans his lost opportunity at the Chamber of Commerce but bumps into Mr. Edwards on the street.
• To Jim’s surprise, the disastrous dinner did not ruin his chances: Edwards offers him the coveted board position, and, in a twist, wants the contact info for Mrs. Collins—after taking her horse racing tip and winning $64!
  • Quote (29:55):
    Mr. Edwards: "Well, I followed that bit of advice Mrs. Collins gave me about little Jeff, you know, and I won six $64."

Timestamps:

• Epilogue: 25:08–30:40

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• Margaret’s quick wit:
  • (03:10) "You were telling me I looked like an old hag."
• Mrs. Collins’s irreverent humor:
  • (07:01) "My face just killing me, and I got a pain in my back that I wouldn't wish onto my first husband."
• Dinner guest burn:
  • (16:22) "Look, Derry, if I was you, I'd lay off the bread. With a shape like yours, it's murder."
• Firing attempt gone awry:
  • (23:08) Jim: "You are fired."
    Mrs. Collins: "Yeah. You know, my whole life, that's the nicest way I ever got canned."
• Bonus twist on horse racing tip:
  • (29:55) Mr. Edwards: "Well, I followed that bit of advice Mrs. Collins gave me about little Jeff, you know, and I won six $64."

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Episode Flow & Tone

The script is steeped in the wholesome, lightly satirical, and gently subversive tone of 1950s family comedies. Margaret and Jim’s banter anchors the episode in authentic partnership dynamics, with children and guests providing comic relief. Mrs. Collins is a whirlwind—a comic archetype undermining social pretensions. The episode’s humor is broad, fast-paced, and full of reversals, with a final twist that rewards the family’s ordeal.

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Useful Timestamps for Important Segments

• Jim proposes hiring Mrs. Collins: 02:43–06:08
• Introduction & House Rules by Mrs. Collins: 06:25–11:14
• Dinner Scene with Edwards: 15:01–20:08
• Post-dinner fallout & firing: 21:02–24:35
• Final twist / Epilogue: 25:08–30:40

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For New Listeners

This episode is a delightful slice of mid-century domestic life, with rapid-fire jokes, a house in comic turmoil, and a happy ending with an ironic twist. The episode provides classic “Father Knows Best” charm and lampoons the desire to “keep up with the Joneses.”

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End of Summary

Transcript

[Margaret Anderson]

Hey everybody.

[Mrs. Collins]

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[Jim Anderson]

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[Mrs. Collins]

Mother, is Maxwell House really the only

[Margaret Anderson]

coffee in the world? Well, your father says so, and your father knows best.

[Jim Anderson]

Yes, it's Father Knows Best transcribed in Hollywood starring Robert Young his father. A half hour visit with your neighbors, the Andersons. Brought to you by America's favorite coffee, Maxwell House. The coffee that's always, always good to the last drop. Extensive research has proved conclusively that there are two kinds of husbands. One, the husband who takes absolutely no interest whatsoever in household affairs. And two, the husband whose wife wishes he'd mind his own business and leave things alone. In Springfield, in the white frame house on Maple Street, Jim Anderson is about to demonstrate that there is no happy medium like this.

[Mrs. Collins]

Six goes into 36. Six times. Six goes into 42. Seven times. Kathy, why don't you stop that? You know Mother has a headache. But I have to learn my six goes into.

[Jim Anderson]

Margaret, could I have another cup of coffee, please?

[Margaret Anderson]

Of course, dear. Bud, stop banging your feet on the table. I wasn't banging my feet, Mom. I was just. Holy cow, look at the time.

[Jim Anderson]

I gotta go.

[Margaret Anderson]

Come on, squirt.

[Mrs. Collins]

Well, stop calling me. See you later, everybody.

[Jim Anderson]

Bud, don't slam the door.

[Mrs. Collins]

Did you call me, dad?

[Jim Anderson]

Never mind.

[Margaret Anderson]

Okay,

[Mrs. Collins]

Mother, why don't you lie down for a while?

[Margaret Anderson]

I'll take care of the dishes. Well, that's very sweet, Betty, but it isn't necessary.

[Mrs. Collins]

All right, I'll come right home in case you need me for anything.

[Margaret Anderson]

All right, dear.

[Mrs. Collins]

Bye, Father.

[Jim Anderson]

Goodbye, Betty. Your head's still aching, honey?

[Margaret Anderson]

No, it's really nothing, Jim. I don't know why everybody makes such a fuss over a little headache. You think I were dying.

[Jim Anderson]

Margaret.

[Margaret Anderson]

Yes, dear?

[Jim Anderson]

You know, you haven't been looking very well lately.

[Margaret Anderson]

Well, that's a pleasant way to start the day. How to cheer up your wife in six easy lessons.

[Jim Anderson]

I. I don't mean you look that bad. I mean you just look so tired.

[Margaret Anderson]

Jim, darling, in five years I'll be 40 and then you can swap me in for 220.

[Jim Anderson]

Margaret, I'm being very serious. About this, if you want to treat it as a joke.

[Margaret Anderson]

All right, dear, I'll try and be more respectful.

[Jim Anderson]

Where was I?

[Margaret Anderson]

You were telling me I looked like an old hag.

[Jim Anderson]

Oh, well, that's not what I said at all.

[Margaret Anderson]

I'm sorry. A young hag.

[Jim Anderson]

Margaret, I'm merely trying to be helpful. I think I know why you're tired. And I believe I have the answer to the whole problem.

[Margaret Anderson]

You're going to shoot the children?

[Jim Anderson]

Well, that had occurred to me, but I think I have a better idea. What you need is a housekeeper.

[Margaret Anderson]

Oh, Jim, don't be ridiculous.

[Jim Anderson]

I don't see anything ridiculous about it at all. The Gilroys have a housekeeper, and I sell three times as much insurance as he does.

[Margaret Anderson]

Jim, it's not a question of how much insurance you sell. We don't need a housekeeper. And where would she sleep? Or haven't you thought of that?

[Jim Anderson]

Of course I thought of that. She can sleep in the den on the rollaway bed.

[Margaret Anderson]

Jim, I don't want a housekeeper.

[Jim Anderson]

Then when people like the Edwards come over for dinner, there wouldn't be all the fuss and worry.

[Margaret Anderson]

Jim.

[Jim Anderson]

Yes, dear?

[Margaret Anderson]

Who are the Edwards?

[Jim Anderson]

Well, Harry and Grace Edwards. You remember them, don't you? We met them at the Hathaways last week. He's the little stocky fellow with the red face. President of the Chamber of Commerce, remember?

[Margaret Anderson]

And they're coming to dinner. When?

[Jim Anderson]

Tomorrow night. Didn't I tell you? I could have sworn.

[Margaret Anderson]

Jim, is there any connection between the Edwards and his son? Sudden passion for a housekeeper?

[Jim Anderson]

Of course not. I just thought. Well, you've been working so hard and you. You have a headache, and there isn't

[Margaret Anderson]

any reason for Wanting to impress Mr. Edwards, is there? Or Mrs. Edwards.

[Jim Anderson]

Margaret, I just finished telling you that the whole thing. Well, after all, Edwards is the head of the Chamber of Commerce, and there's an opening on the board, and Bert

[Margaret Anderson]

Gilroy's trying to get it.

[Jim Anderson]

Well, the Edwards had dinner with the

[Margaret Anderson]

Gilroys, and the Gilroys have a housekeeper. So you thought if we blossomed forth with the housekeeper.

[Jim Anderson]

Margaret, being on the Chamber of Commerce is a very honor. I certainly think that it's worth the small expenditure of time and energy.

[Margaret Anderson]

Jim. Margaret, no housekeeper.

[Jim Anderson]

Well, if you'd only listen to me instead of flying off the handle.

[Margaret Anderson]

I'm not flying off the handle. I'm merely telling you simply, quietly and without emotion. No housekeeper.

[Jim Anderson]

There was an ad in the paper only last night.

[Margaret Anderson]

No housekeeping.

[Jim Anderson]

All she wanted was $75 a month and she'll Take complete charge.

[Margaret Anderson]

No housekeeper.

[Jim Anderson]

She's courteous, efficient, energetic, loyal. No, a wonderful cook, neat as a pin, loves children. Margaret, why don't you give her a trial? No, honey, this isn't something you can decide on the spur of the moment. Why don't you think it over?

[Margaret Anderson]

All right. I can't see any harm in that.

[Jim Anderson]

That's a good girl. Well, I've got to go now. I'll call you right after lunch.

[Margaret Anderson]

All right, dear. Oh, Jim. I thought it over.

[Jim Anderson]

Margaret?

[Margaret Anderson]

No housekeeper.

[Mrs. Collins]

Is that you, Jim?

[Jim Anderson]

Yes, there, I'm home. Just put your things down there for a minute, Mrs. Collins.

[Margaret Anderson]

Okay.

[Mrs. Collins]

Nice looking place, ain't it?

[Jim Anderson]

Well, it's. It's comfortable.

[Margaret Anderson]

The children are all upstairs, and as soon as you're ready, we'll have. Well, hello.

[Jim Anderson]

Hi, Margaret, this is Mrs. Collins.

[Margaret Anderson]

Oh, how do you do?

[Mrs. Collins]

Well, to tell you the truth, I

[Margaret Anderson]

ain't doing so good.

[Mrs. Collins]

My face just killing me, and I got a pain in my back that I wouldn't wish onto my first husband.

[Margaret Anderson]

I see. Jim, would you come out into the kitchen with me for a moment? I'd like to speak to you.

[Mrs. Collins]

Hey, you got a piano. Oh, that's nice. Yeah, I always like a house where the kids got a piano. Show culture. And if there's one thing I'm just nuts about is col.

[Jim Anderson]

Well, just make yourself at home, Mrs. Collins. We'll only be a minute.

[Mrs. Collins]

Oh, it's okay. You don't have to worry about me. I got plenty of time.

[Margaret Anderson]

Jim Anderson.

[Jim Anderson]

Now, wait a minute, Margaret. I can explain the whole thing.

[Margaret Anderson]

I don't want any explanation. And I don't want a housekeeper. I told you this morning.

[Jim Anderson]

But, honey, I. I hired her last night. I thought you'd be very happy.

[Mrs. Collins]

Oh, I am.

[Margaret Anderson]

I'm the happiest woman in the whole world. And I want you to get that person out of my house.

[Jim Anderson]

Oh, look, angel, it isn't worth quarreling about. Nothing is.

[Margaret Anderson]

I know, Jim, but our home's too small for a housekeeper. We don't need one.

[Jim Anderson]

Now, Margaret, Mrs. Collins can be a great help. Don't you see, Margaret? She's a diamond in the rough. Mrs. Collins is very competent. Why, in one year, she worked for nine of the best families in Springfield.

[Mrs. Collins]

Only nine?

[Margaret Anderson]

She certainly gets around, doesn't she?

[Jim Anderson]

Well, they just didn't understand her. With a little training, she can be one of the best housekeepers in the whole town. She said so herself.

[Margaret Anderson]

Jim, if we ever take a trip to New York, would you promise me one thing? Don't pay more than $50 for the Brooklyn Bridge.

[Mrs. Collins]

Hey, did you finish talking yet? It's getting late. I gotta get dinner rolling.

[Margaret Anderson]

Mrs. Collins, I've been talking to my husband.

[Mrs. Collins]

Now, why don't you talk to him in the parlor? I just happened to think it's dinner time and I got work to do. Hey, some kitchen, Jim.

[Jim Anderson]

Well, all right, Margaret. Mrs. Collins, I'm awfully sorry, but we've decided that, well, after all, you really won't be comfortable sleeping in the den.

[Mrs. Collins]

Stop worrying about it, will you? I got it all figured out. We can move. What's your boy's name?

[Jim Anderson]

You mean Bud?

[Mrs. Collins]

Hey, Bud. We can switch him into the den. I move into his room and everybody's happy.

[Margaret Anderson]

Well, it's not quite that simple, Mrs. Collins. I told my husband this morning.

[Mrs. Collins]

Hey, wait a minute. When you been eating breakfast?

[Jim Anderson]

Well, at 8 o'.

[Announcer]

Clock.

[Jim Anderson]

But it really isn't going to make

[Mrs. Collins]

any difference because, well, from now on, breakfast is going to be at 7:00'. Clock.

[Jim Anderson]

Now, see here, Mrs. Collins.

[Margaret Anderson]

Wait, Jim, this is becoming very interesting. What else, Mrs. Collins?

[Mrs. Collins]

Well, I ain't nobody's personal maid, so everybody hangs up his own stuff. And if I find any pants hanging on the back of a chair, well, don't be surprised if I just chuck them out the window.

[Jim Anderson]

Well, don't look at me, Margaret. I don't leave my pants on the chair.

[Margaret Anderson]

No, go ahead, Mrs. Collins. I think I'm beginning to like the whole idea.

[Mrs. Collins]

Well, I don't mind if you invite folks for dinner. Matter of fact, I like company. But I got to have 48 hours notice.

[Margaret Anderson]

That seems logical.

[Jim Anderson]

Wait, wait a minute. What if it's impossible? What if somebody comes in from out of town?

[Mrs. Collins]

We take them to a restaurant. There's lots of restaurants in Springfield.

[Jim Anderson]

Margaret, if you think I'm going to stand here.

[Margaret Anderson]

Jim, please. Mrs. Collins was talking.

[Mrs. Collins]

Oh, that's okay. I'm finished anyway. Now, why don't you two kids just go inside and relax and I'll start dishing up the food.

[Margaret Anderson]

All right, Mrs. Collins. Come on, kid.

[Jim Anderson]

Myra, this is the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard. If you think I'm going to.

[Margaret Anderson]

Jim, you heard Mrs. Collins. We've got to go inside and relax.

[Mrs. Collins]

That's right. Take it easy. I got everything under control. Come on, Jim.

[Margaret Anderson]

Mrs. Collins has work to do.

[Jim Anderson]

Margaret, that woman's impossible.

[Margaret Anderson]

Oh, I don't think so, dear. She's a diamond in the rough, remember?

[Jim Anderson]

But how rough can you get? She wasn't anything like that when I talked to her. Last night.

[Margaret Anderson]

Well, we'll try it for a while. That's what you want, isn't it?

[Jim Anderson]

Margaret? I'm going into the kitchen and fire her right now.

[Margaret Anderson]

Why, Jim, that wouldn't be fair. She's worked for nine of the finest families in Springfield. And with the Edwards coming to dinner.

[Jim Anderson]

Oh, no, she can't be around then.

[Margaret Anderson]

Wasn't that the general idea? We've got to impress the Edwards. And unless I'm very much mistaken, they'll be impressed.

[Jim Anderson]

Oh, Margaret, can't we.

[Mrs. Collins]

Hey, Jim. Jim, get the kids down suits on.

[Jim Anderson]

Well, that was quite an about phase for Mother Anderson. If only Father had talked to her first, there wouldn't have been any argument. And the way things are going, it doesn't look as though she'll brook any arguments from Father. And I don't think I'll run into any argument on this point. I say, when you buy coffee, just one thing means real value. Its flavors, the flavor you get for your money. An extra flavor is what you do get in our Maxwell House coffee, that wonderful good to the last drop flavor no other coffee has to offer. No coffee but Maxwell House. And here's why that's so. It's our recipe, the only recipe under the sun for that good to the last drop flavor. It calls for certain fine varieties of coffee blended together a very particular way. It's the one way, the one recipe for that famous Maxwell House flavor, that extra flavor that's made our coffee America's favorite brand. So today, when you really want the most in flavor for every penny you spend, Maxwell House is now more than ever your coffee buy. Just open up that familiar blue tin of Maxwell House tomorrow. See how much enjoyment, how much real value you get from the coffee that's always good to the last drop. Forget whatever plans you have this weekend because you're staying at home and playing on spinquest. And there's never been a better time to sign up than right now. New users get $30 coin packs for just $10. All the table games you love with hundreds of slot games and real cash Prizes. That's at spinquest.coms p-I n q u s t.com Spin Quest is a free to play social casino void where prohibited. Visit spinquest.com for more details.

[Announcer]

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[Jim Anderson]

A day has passed, as days have a habit of doing. And once again it's dinner time in the white frame house on Maple Street. This time, however, it's a special dinner with company, the children stashed away in the breakfast nook and a uniformed housekeeper to wait on table. Mr. Edwards, president of the Springfield Chamber of Commerce, says in the last four years Anderson bank clearances in the greater Springfield area have increased a total of almost 9.2%. And that's beverage. To which Jim Anderson replies, It's certainly is, Mr. Edwards. That's progress if I ever heard it. At which point the new housekeeper, Mrs. Collins observed.

[Mrs. Collins]

Now why don't you two stop Gavin

[Margaret Anderson]

and eat your soup. Mrs. Collins, I. I think I smell something burning in the kitchen.

[Mrs. Collins]

Oh, it's your imagination, dear. Everything's all cooked. St. Jim.

[Jim Anderson]

Yes, Mrs. Collins?

[Mrs. Collins]

If it's all right, could I take off this funny looking cap? I don't mind the uniform, but this hat's driving me nuts.

[Jim Anderson]

Mrs. Collins, why don't you wait in the kitchen until we call you?

[Mrs. Collins]

I can't hear anything in the kitchen. What do you want to do, talk about me? Go ahead, I don't mind.

[Margaret Anderson]

I think you'd better go into the kitchen.

[Mrs. Collins]

Okay, if that's the way you want it. You finished, Mrs. Edwards?

[Margaret Anderson]

Yes, thank you.

[Mrs. Collins]

Look, Derry, if I was you, I'd lay off the bread. With a shape like yours, it's murder.

[Jim Anderson]

Well, really, Mrs. Collins, will you. Will you please go into the kitchen?

[Mrs. Collins]

Okay, I can take a hint if you want me.

[Jim Anderson]

I'm sorry, Mr. Edwards, you were saying something about progress. I was? Oh, oh, yes, Yes, I was, wasn't. I think the Chamber of Commerce feels that its contribution to the progress of greater Springfield is.

[Mrs. Collins]

Never mind, I'll get it.

[Jim Anderson]

Keep right on, Mr. Edwards. It's very interesting. What is? Well, whatever you were going to say.

[Mrs. Collins]

Hello. Oh, hello, Betsy. Hey, wait a minute. Go ahead, folks. It's for me. What's cooking fit?

[Margaret Anderson]

Hasn't the weather been beautiful, Mrs. Edwards? I haven't noticed. Really? When you're as busy as I am,

[Mrs. Collins]

you know, club work and charities.

[Jim Anderson]

Yes, indeed. Grace manages to keep herself pretty busy getting so I have to make an appointment to see her myself. You don't have Any children? Do you, Mr. Edwards? No, I am sorry to say, Mrs. Edwards and I have never been blessed.

[Mrs. Collins]

That was my cousin Becky on the phone. She's just a scream.

[Margaret Anderson]

I'm sure she must be. Mrs. Collins and I believe we're ready for the next course.

[Mrs. Collins]

You know, she was just telling me.

[Margaret Anderson]

Mrs. Collins, we're ready for the next course.

[Mrs. Collins]

Okay, I heard you, Mother. When I finish my dessert, me, I go over to Kathy. You get back inside where you belong. Can't you see we got company? Yes, ma'. Am. That's the trouble with kids nowadays. They don't know their place. Have your plane over, will you, Jim?

[Jim Anderson]

I'll answer it, Mrs. Collins.

[Mrs. Collins]

Now, you stay right where you are. What do you think you're paying me for?

[Margaret Anderson]

That's a reasonable question, isn't it, Jim?

[Mrs. Collins]

Okay, okay, I'm coming.

[Jim Anderson]

Yes, indeed. You get a couple of kids in the house, and you.

[Mrs. Collins]

Hello, Nikki. Yes, indeed, I did. Huh? What'd it pay? 16:40. Hey, that's all right. Okay, look, now, put me down for five on Little Jeff in the fourth that they met on tomorrow. Yeah, Little Jeff. Five bucks, get a win. Okay, Mick, I'll give you a growl tomorrow.

[Margaret Anderson]

Well, Mrs. Collins has an endless assortment of talents, hasn't she, Jim?

[Jim Anderson]

All right, Margaret, you don't have to rub it in.

[Margaret Anderson]

Just a little gem my husband brought home for polishing.

[Jim Anderson]

Mrs. Anderson, I'm afraid that we.

[Mrs. Collins]

All right, ain't it? 1640 for two. I sure can pick them. Hey, any of you kids play the races?

[Margaret Anderson]

Harry, I have an awful headache.

[Jim Anderson]

I know, dear. The way I feel, a headache would be a relief.

[Margaret Anderson]

Mrs. Collins, if nothing more important comes up in the next few minutes, could we please have some food?

[Mrs. Collins]

Okay, but you take it from me, you're skipping a good thing if you miss Little Jeff and the fourth tomorrow,

[Jim Anderson]

Mrs. Collins, if you don't hurry up, we'll be ready to eat Little Jeff

[Mrs. Collins]

tonight, who is J. X rays for roast beef is coming up. Good night, Mrs. Anderson.

[Margaret Anderson]

It was a lovely evening.

[Mrs. Collins]

One I'll never forget.

[Margaret Anderson]

Oh, I'm sure of that.

[Jim Anderson]

Good night, Anderson and Mrs. Anderson, it was. Well, good night.

[Margaret Anderson]

Good night.

[Jim Anderson]

Good night, sir. We'll have to get together again real soon. Yes, indeed. Yes, sometime soon. Good night.

[Margaret Anderson]

Quiet, isn't it?

[Jim Anderson]

Margaret, I. I don't know what to say. I. I was wrong and I'm sorry. I think that woman's insane.

[Margaret Anderson]

No, dear, she's just, well, uninhibited. She likes to speak her mind.

[Jim Anderson]

What mind? She's got the brain of a half witted hyena. And if she had the least bit of decency, she'd give it back.

[Margaret Anderson]

Jim.

[Jim Anderson]

What?

[Margaret Anderson]

Did you see the look on Mrs. Edwards face when Collins told her she made a new girdle?

[Jim Anderson]

Oh, that was nothing. You should have seen Edwards when she told him he could use one, too.

[Mrs. Collins]

Jim, I can't help you, but I think they were the stuffiest people I've ever met.

[Jim Anderson]

She told Edward. She said she thought.

[Mrs. Collins]

Everybody's having a good time. Well, that's what I like. People laughing, enjoying themselves. You live longer that way.

[Jim Anderson]

Mrs. Collins, I'd like to speak to you, if I may.

[Mrs. Collins]

Talks nice, don't he? Go ahead, kid.

[Jim Anderson]

Thank you, Mrs. Collins. I'm not usually one to complain, but.

[Mrs. Collins]

Complain? Well, go ahead. If you feel you got a beat coming, just spread it right out. That's the way it ought to be. Everything out in the open, all the cards right out there on the table, right Now, I don't go for this stabbing in the back row team. You got any complaints, I want to hear them. It's your house. I'm working you and anything you don't like. All you got to do is just tell me how.

[Margaret Anderson]

Jim, you'll wake the children.

[Mrs. Collins]

Look, you don't have to yell at me. Just talk and I'll listen.

[Jim Anderson]

Mrs. Collins, there are a great many things I could say and a great many ways in which I could say them. But since all of the things I have to say and all of the ways in which I would say them add up to one and the self, same thing I say to you now, from the very bottom of my heart, you are fired.

[Mrs. Collins]

Yeah. You know, my whole life, that's the nicest way I ever got canned. Well, I gotta go to bed. Just a moment.

[Margaret Anderson]

Mrs. Collins, I'm afraid you don't understand. My husband fired you. You don't work here anymore.

[Mrs. Collins]

I know I ain't deep, but I still gotta go to plea.

[Jim Anderson]

You will not sleep here. Mrs. Collins. We want you to go away now. You're discharged. You're the most discharged person we've ever had in this house. Now, will you please pack up your things and get out?

[Mrs. Collins]

Jim, I'm surprised at you. A smart man like you with a nice home and a nice family. Why, you ought to know more about the law. You can't fire me. I gotta have a week's notice.

[Jim Anderson]

I'm giving you a week's notice. I'll pay your wages for a whole week. Only please go away.

[Mrs. Collins]

But I like it here. And it ain't just the wages, Jim. I'm supposed to get room and board.

[Jim Anderson]

I'll give you two weeks wages.

[Mrs. Collins]

I don't think so. You got a piano. And I can call my bookie on the phone. And it's like a vacation with me.

[Jim Anderson]

Margaret.

[Margaret Anderson]

Mrs. Collins, is there anything I can do to.

[Mrs. Collins]

Sure. Call me when breakfast is ready. Well, good night. I'll see you all the morning, huh?

[Jim Anderson]

Margaret.

[Margaret Anderson]

Yes, dear?

[Jim Anderson]

When they start giving out awards for the world's prize idiot, be sure and tell them about me.

[Margaret Anderson]

Oh, Jim, darling, you're an idiot, but you'd never take any prize.

[Jim Anderson]

I see. Certainly would.

[Margaret Anderson]

Well, I won't argue, dear. After all, Father knows best.

[Jim Anderson]

Well, Father certainly plunged into that head over heels. Now, how sorry he is. Just goes to show, it always pays to look. Before you leap on that score, when it comes to buying a pound of coffee, it certainly pays to look for flavor. The most in flavor for every penny you spend. After all, flavor is what you're paying for. And we don't think you can beat the famous flavor we pack into every pound of Maxwell House. But here's my point. Air can steal coffee flavor. And ordinary containers like paper bags can't prevent roasted coffee from losing flavor, whether it's ground or whole bean. That's why we take our Maxwell House fresh and fragrant from the roasting ovens and carefully vacuum pack it in the familiar blue tin. It's the only way you're guaranteed coffee that's fresh and full flavored as the hour it was roasted. So be sure you get all the flavor and fragrance you pay for your money's worth and more. You always will with Maxwell House coffee, always good to the last drop. This world is not so bad a world as some would like to make it. The weather good or whether bad depends on how we take it. A week's gone by and we find Jim Anderson walking along a busy street in downtown Springfield. The Chamber of Commerce is still dear to his heart. And he is not what you call a particularly happy man like this. Serves me right, that's what it does. Make a fool of myself in front of Edwards, spoil my chances of getting on the board. Gosh, I wanted that spot on the Chamber of Commerce. The speeches I could have made about important things, too. Why, I could have said things like, ladies and gentlemen, it's an established fact that everybody wants a different thing. A farm, a store, a college education for their children. Or maybe they just want to retire and go fishing. But there's one thing everybody wants Security. And there's one way, one sure way for each and every one of us to get it. Save for your independence, Buy United States Savings Bonds. That's what I could have told them. I could have said, buy bonds automatically if you can, on the payroll savings plan or the bond a month plan at your bank. They're like cash on hand and they return you $4 for every $3 you invest. Buy United States Savings. Save for your independence and start now. Then I could have said. I say, Anderson. Oh, hello, Mr. Edwards. I. I didn't see you. I. I thought if you weren't in any great hurry, we might take a stroll together. A little matter has come up that I'd like to discuss with you. Why, of course, Mr. Edwards. It'll be a very great pleasure. You know, Anderson, we never did get down to a discussion of business at your house the other night, Mr. Edwards. I wanted to explain about that, you see. Tut, tut, my boy, no need to explain. I understand completely. As you know, Anderson, there's a vacancy on the board of the Chamber of Commerce and, well, it's yours if you want it. If I want it? Why, Mr. Edwards, of course I want it. And thank you very much. Oh, it's nothing, nothing, Nothing at all. Tell Me, Anderson, that Mrs. Collins, is she still with you? No, we finally got rid of her this morning. This morning? That's too bad. Oh, I don't think we could have taken it another day. She had the whole family waiting on her hand and foot all week. I see. You were. You wouldn't know how I could get in touch with it. Well, I might. I think she left the forwarding address with Margaret. But why? Well, I wouldn't want this to get around Anderson. Oh, of course not. I won't say a word. Well, I. I followed that bit of advice Mrs. Collins gave me about little Jeff, you know, and I won six $64. Did you know? Now there's an instant coffee with roaster fresh, pure coffee flavor. It's instant Maxwell House. The instant coffee with a famous flavor. The happiest combination in coffee. Wonderful. Good to the last drop. Flavor combined with a convenience and thrift of coffee made instantly in the cup. Unlike most instant coffees, it's all rich, pure coffee, nothing added. Tomorrow, try the instant coffee with a famous flavor. Instant Maxwell House, instantly good to the last drop. Join us again next week when we'll be back with with Father Knows Best, starring Robert Young as Jim Anderson, with Roy Vargy and the Maxwell House Orchestra and yours truly, Bill Foreman. Don't forget. Membership cards for the Robert Young Good Drivers Club are waiting for you at your local NBC station. Get a man to man or dad to daughter pledge and sign up today. Be a good driver. Get your membership card in the Robert Young Good Drivers Club today. And now, until next Thursday, good night and good luck from the makers of Maxwell House, America's favorite brand of coffee, always good to the last drop. Father Knows Best was transcribed in Hollywood and written by Ed James. Now stay tuned for Screen Gill Theater which follows immediately over most of these stations. 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