Father Knows Best - Elusive Card Game

Summary

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Podcast Summary: Father Knows Best – “Elusive Card Game”

Podcast: Harold's Old Time Radio
Episode Date: June 21, 2026
Episode Theme:
This episode of Father Knows Best (“Elusive Card Game”) centers on Jim Anderson’s comedic struggle to instill thrift and discipline in his family just as he tries (and fails repeatedly) to escape for a low-key night of poker with friends. The story is a classic suburban sit-com farce, highlighting family banter, generational misunderstandings about money, and the gentle chaos of mid-century home life.

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Main Themes & Purpose

• Family Finances & Frugality: Jim is overwhelmed by post-Christmas bills and decides the family is spending too much, prompting a lecture on thrift.
• The Inescapable Card Game: Despite vowing everyone will stay home and practice economy, Jim is tempted all evening by the lure of his friends’ card game—and his own plans to sneak away are constantly foiled by family life.
• Generational Comedy: The episode mines humor from parent-child misunderstandings, differing priorities, and the family’s loving exasperation with each other.

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Detailed Breakdown of Key Segments

1. Christmas Bills & Family Spending (01:24–09:00)

• Jim Anderson is irate about the family’s post-Christmas bills. He rails against unnecessary expenditures like $17.70 for “mukluks.”
  • Quote [02:04] – Jim: “It’s gotten so that Christmas isn’t a period of joy and celebration. It’s a plot to collect all the money overlooked by the government!”
• Bud asks for $5 to join a “bird watchers” club, leading Jim to deadpan refusals despite Bud’s best pitches.
• Comedy ensues as Betty teases Bud about having a girl, the consumption of records, and priorities on buying new things.
  • Quote [03:54] – Jim: “This family lives in a continual cloudburst.”

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2. Jim’s Thrift Lecture & Attempts at Homey Simplicity (05:32–10:39)

• Jim lectures about the simpler values of his youth and rails against records, bird-watching, and new shoes for his growing daughter, Kathy.
• Margaret quietly points out that no one had suggested going out; all are content for a quiet night in—until Jim’s phone rings.
• Hector (“Heck”) Smith calls to invite Jim to the poker game, but Jim is pressured by his earlier sermon on economizing and hesitates.

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3. Jim’s Desperate (and Failed) Escape Schemes (15:31–24:04)

• Timed Plot Point [16:03–17:02]: Restless and fidgety, Jim keeps concocting excuses to get out of the house:
  • His watch “needs fixing” (foiled, since shops are closed)
  • He’ll “go get something to smoke” or “run out for a cigar” (Margaret exposes that the house is amply stocked)
  • Bud is sent to do homework, and Jim paces like a caged lion.
• Memorable Bit [19:33]:
  • Jim: “A woman is only a woman, but a good cigar is a smoke.”
  • Margaret (deadpan): “Jim, I didn’t know you smoked cigars.”
• He knocks over a lamp in his anxious state, cracks Betty’s borrowed records by accidentally sitting on them, and repeatedly tries to dodge Hector's calls.

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4. Resolution: The Game Comes Home (24:04–26:12)

• Margaret, with practical calm, suggests Jim just host the poker game at their house since his elaborate plans aren’t working.
  • Margaret [24:17]: “But if they can’t get anyone else, why don’t you have them come over here for the game?”
• Sandwich platter negotiations become the new comic battleground—Jim attempts to restrain “wild spending” (especially on pickles).
• The family adapts: Bud gets sent for provisions; Margaret gently takes charge of hospitality.

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5. Denouement: Family and Financial Irony (27:13–28:54)

• After the guests are gone, Jim and Margaret reflect with gentle irony as they tally up how much their “quiet, thrifty” family evening ended up costing.
  • Margaret [28:09]: “I figure that the quiet evening at home came to just $32.50.”
  • Jim [28:23]: “$36.50.”
  • Margaret (teasing): “No, dear. $32.50. I can get a new lamp for… Oh, you mean you [lost at poker]…”
  • Jim (cheerful): “I certainly did. Four dollars and 22 cents.”
• The mundane foibles, gentle ribbing, and warm affection close out the episode.

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On Holiday Spending:
  • Jim: “It’s outrageous, that’s what it is. The most outrageous thing I’ve ever seen in my entire life.” [01:52]
• On Frugality:
  • Jim: “This family has to learn to conserve. We've got to make things do.” [08:23]
• Margaret Grounding Jim’s Flights:
  • Margaret: “There’s no reason why they can’t play poker here.” [24:37]
• Comedy Over Broken Possessions:
  • Betty: “Father, you’re sitting on them.”
  • Jim: “I am? Oh, I thought it felt kind of funny.” [22:41]
• The Price of Economy:
  • Margaret: “Didn’t help much, did it? ... I figure that the quiet evening at home came to just $32.50.”
  • Jim: “I certainly did. Four dollars and 22 cents.” [28:23–28:42]

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Episode Structure with Timestamps

• [01:24–09:00]: Dinner table grumbling—Jim’s anti-spending tirade
• [10:39–12:06]: Hector’s invitation, Jim’s internal conflict
• [15:31–20:46]: Jim’s comic, futile attempts to sneak out
• [22:25–24:41]: Domestic mishaps—broken lamp and cracked records
• [24:04–26:14]: Jim capitulates—hosting the poker game at home
• [27:13–28:54]: Aftermath—family reflects on the price of staying in

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Overall Tone and Style

Light, affectionate, and gently satirical, the Andersons’ banter feels relatable and authentic, with Jim’s bluster matched by Margaret’s calm practicality and the kids’ impish humor. The episode exemplifies warm-hearted 1950s radio comedy with a knowing wink toward adult responsibilities and the unpredictability of family life.

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For Listeners Who Missed the Episode

You’ll enjoy a classic portrait of suburban family life as Jim Anderson tries (and fails with stylish exasperation) to be the model of thrift—only to find that, in the end, family warmth, domestic chaos, and a good poker night will always trump even the strictest plans. The Andersons may spend a little more than intended, but they do it together—with laughter, love, and, perhaps, a jar of pickles.

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Transcript

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[Jim Anderson]

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[Betty Anderson]

Mother, is Maxwell House really the only coffee in the world?

[Margaret Anderson]

Well, your father says so, and your father knows best.

[Narrator]

Yes, it's Father Knows Best transcribed in Hollywood starring Robert Young as Father. A half hour visit with your new neighbors, the Andersons. Brought to you by Maxwell House. The coffee that's bought and enjoyed by more people than any other brand of coffee at any price.

[Jim Anderson]

Maxwell House, always good to the last drop.

[Narrator]

In every family, there are special days. Days which, though simple, will live forever in our memories. There's the day Junior had his first haircut. The day dad backed into the garage door. Or the day Mother didn't back into the garage door. In Springfield, in the white frame house

[Jim Anderson]

on Maple street, it's dinner time.

[Narrator]

And one of those days is in the making. It will be known as long as an Anderson remains as the day Father

[Jim Anderson]

received the Christmas bills like this. It's outrageous, that's what it is. The most outrageous thing I've ever seen in my entire life.

[Margaret Anderson]

Pass the potatoes to your father, Betty.

[Betty Anderson]

Yes, Mother. Dated Father.

[Jim Anderson]

Thank you. It's gotten so that Christmas isn't a period of joy and celebration. It's a plot to collect all the money overlooked by the government. I've never seen such an assortment of bills.

[Margaret Anderson]

Kathy, won't you please eat your dinner?

[Betty Anderson]

But I have to watch Daddy.

[Margaret Anderson]

I'm sure he'd much rather you ate your dinner.

[Betty Anderson]

But I want to see the steam come out of his ears.

[Jim Anderson]

The what?

[Betty Anderson]

Well, Buzz said when you saw all those bills.

[Bud Anderson]

Holy cow. Kathy, I didn't mean it really would. I was just, you know.

[Jim Anderson]

Sure.

[Bud Anderson]

It's cold out today, wasn't it?

[Jim Anderson]

Well, for certain people it's going to get warmer. Much warmer. Now, the bread, please.

[Bud Anderson]

Here you are, Dan.

[Jim Anderson]

Thank you. Say, Dan, look at this. $17.70 for mukluks. Now, what the devil are mukluks? They're knitted slippers, dear, for $17.70.

[Margaret Anderson]

That's for six pair, Jim. I sent them to my sister Kathleen and her family.

[Jim Anderson]

Oh, fine. And what did she send us five napkin rings painted by hand in the kindergarten of a school for backward children.

[Margaret Anderson]

Jim, that's the proper attitude to take.

[Jim Anderson]

Oh, it isn't, isn't it? You don't see that brother in law of your shelling out any 1770 for Mukluks, do you? I tell you, Margaret, we've got to realize that we aren't the Morgans or the Rockefellers. We're just plain simple people. And we've got to act that way.

[Margaret Anderson]

Yes, dear.

[Jim Anderson]

Say, Dan, when I was a boy, thrift was an important part of the daily life. The family worked together to see how little it could spend, not how much. They tried to help put something away for a rainy day. Not us. This family lives in a continual cloudburst.

[Bud Anderson]

Dan.

[Jim Anderson]

What is it, Bud?

[Bud Anderson]

As long as we're talking about money, I need $5, bud.

[Jim Anderson]

Oh, that's fine. That's just great. I give out with a long lecture on thrift and economy, and all it does is remind my son that he needs $5. Now, why do you need $5?

[Bud Anderson]

To be a bird watcher.

[Jim Anderson]

A what? A bird watcher.

[Bud Anderson]

You watch birds.

[Jim Anderson]

I wouldn't care if you watched elephants. Why does it have to cost $5?

[Bud Anderson]

Well, you have to buy a manual. It tells you how to watch and you get a button. And they have meetings every Tuesday and Thursday night.

[Jim Anderson]

No.

[Bud Anderson]

But, dad, watching birds makes you alert. No. It gives you a better understanding of your feathered friend.

[Jim Anderson]

No.

[Bud Anderson]

And it's educational.

[Jim Anderson]

No. Oh, gosh.

[Bud Anderson]

You certainly want me to be educated, don't you?

[Jim Anderson]

Yes.

[Bud Anderson]

Then I can go?

[Jim Anderson]

No.

[Margaret Anderson]

Oh, would you care for some more coffee, dear?

[Jim Anderson]

I certainly would. Thank you.

[Betty Anderson]

I'll bet Evelyn Finney's a bird watcher.

[Bud Anderson]

You keep out of this, Kathy.

[Betty Anderson]

Bud's got a girl.

[Bud Anderson]

I have not. You just wait, Kathy. That's all. Just wait.

[Betty Anderson]

Bud's got a girl, dad.

[Jim Anderson]

All right, Kathy, stop that and drink your milk.

[Betty Anderson]

But I did. It's all gone.

[Jim Anderson]

Well, get some more milk and drink it.

[Betty Anderson]

She whiz.

[Jim Anderson]

Then behave yourself. Now, where was I?

[Betty Anderson]

The part about putting something away for a rainy day.

[Jim Anderson]

Thank you. Rainy day. Oh, look, I don't want you to think I'm being stingy or that I don't want you to enjoy a healthy, normal life. But what's that?

[Margaret Anderson]

What's what, dear?

[Jim Anderson]

On the buffet. Is that another album of records?

[Betty Anderson]

Oh, you ought to hear them, Father. They're simply dreamy.

[Jim Anderson]

You see, that's what I mean. A new album, and we've got so many records. Now we can join the disc jockeys union.

[Betty Anderson]

Do disc jockeys have a union, Daddy?

[Jim Anderson]

How do I know?

[Betty Anderson]

Oh, you just said.

[Jim Anderson]

I said if they had a union, we could join it.

[Betty Anderson]

Why?

[Jim Anderson]

Because we have so many records.

[Betty Anderson]

Are you going to be a disc jockey, Daddy?

[Bud Anderson]

No, I'm not going to be a disc jockey.

[Betty Anderson]

Why not?

[Jim Anderson]

Because I'm an insurance jockey. I mean. Oh, Kathy, drink your milk.

[Betty Anderson]

I did. Twice.

[Jim Anderson]

Well, eat your cake.

[Betty Anderson]

I don't have any cake.

[Jim Anderson]

What have you got?

[Betty Anderson]

Jello.

[Jim Anderson]

Well, eat it and be quiet.

[Margaret Anderson]

Gee wares.

[Betty Anderson]

Father, there's no need to get excited about the recipe.

[Jim Anderson]

Don't tell me what to get excited about and what not to get excited excited about. You have no right to waste money on more records.

[Betty Anderson]

But, Father.

[Jim Anderson]

$5 for bird watchers and $5 for records.

[Betty Anderson]

They cost 7:50.

[Jim Anderson]

7:50. Betty Anderson. You mean those records cost $7.50?

[Betty Anderson]

Yes, Father.

[Jim Anderson]

Oh, that's fine, just fine. We've got records you haven't touched in five years. But they're no good. You've got to buy new ones for $7.50. But, Father, when I was a boy, I couldn't buy a new record till the old one wore out.

[Betty Anderson]

But, Father.

[Jim Anderson]

I played Dardanellis along. The fuzz on the turntable came through.

[Betty Anderson]

But, Father.

[Jim Anderson]

And stop but fathering me. You have no right to waste $7.50 on record.

[Betty Anderson]

But, Father, I didn't. I borrowed them from Janie Ligget.

[Jim Anderson]

I don't care where you got them. You have no right to. Oh, well, where was I?

[Margaret Anderson]

Rainy day, dear.

[Bud Anderson]

Page two.

[Jim Anderson]

All right, laugh. Go ahead. The whole thing is a big joke. It's very funny. I'm telling you right now. We're spending too much money and we're going to cut down.

[Margaret Anderson]

Jim, I don't think we're expected extravagant, any of it.

[Jim Anderson]

Okay, you're not extravagant. You just spend too much money.

[Margaret Anderson]

But we don't waste anything, dear. And we don't spend money unnecessarily.

[Jim Anderson]

Oh, we don't? Don't we? I suppose $5 to watch birds isn't unnecessary. If but has to watch birds, he can sit on the front porch and watch them for 10 years. It won't cost him a dime. Holy cow. This family has to learn to conserve. We've got to make things do. Here, look at this. Another pair of shoes for Kathy. That's the third pair in six months.

[Betty Anderson]

But, Daddy, I'm growing.

[Jim Anderson]

Will you have to grow so fast, Mother?

[Margaret Anderson]

Oh, it's all right, dear. Your father's Only joking.

[Jim Anderson]

Sure, I'm only joking, Kathy.

[Narrator]

But there's one thing I'm not joking about.

[Jim Anderson]

This family has to stop spending so much money and we've got to stop running around. We're going to stay home and enjoy the simple things of life. We've got magazines to read, books to read. I spent $190 for the Encyclopedia and nobody's ever gotten past marib to mushy.

[Margaret Anderson]

Jim. There's one thing you don't seem to understand.

[Jim Anderson]

Just a moment, dear. Bud, the phone.

[Bud Anderson]

Cassie's turn.

[Betty Anderson]

It is not, but I'll answer it anyway. See if I care.

[Jim Anderson]

What is it you were saying, Margaret?

[Margaret Anderson]

Well, I was saying that there's one thing you don't seem to understand. That no one has even mentioned going out tonight. Everyone was quite satisfied and quite happy. And this entire discussion seems to be absolutely pointless.

[Jim Anderson]

Is that so? If I didn't put my foot down every once in a while, this whole family would go to pot. Nobody would ever stay home.

[Betty Anderson]

Daddy, it's for you.

[Jim Anderson]

Thank you, Kathy.

[Betty Anderson]

It's Mr. Smith, Daddy.

[Jim Anderson]

Thank you, dad. Hello? Heck, no, we were just finishing our dinner. The drugstore? Well, I hadn't thought about going down there, but. Pick up cards for what? You mean the game is tonight? Oh, well, look, Heck, maybe you'd better not figure on me for tonight. Well, frankly, I forgot all about it and I got myself into a situation here. Yes, I know, Heck, but couldn't you get George Phillips out of town? Huh? Just a minute, Heck. Kathy, there's somebody at the door.

[Betty Anderson]

Okay.

[Jim Anderson]

Sorry, Heck. Well, look, there must be somebody else you can get for the game. There isn't, huh? Well, I'll do whatever I can, Heck, but. But it's going to be tough. Okay, okay, but if I'm not there by eight, well, you better call me. Okay, I'll see you. E Gods, the things I get myself into.

[Margaret Anderson]

Hey guys.

[Lady Luck]

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[Spinquest Announcer]

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[Safeway/Albertsons Announcer]

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[Margaret Anderson]

Is there anything wrong, dear?

[Jim Anderson]

No, nothing wrong. Let's see, what were we talking about?

[Bud Anderson]

Nobody goes out ton.

[Jim Anderson]

Well, of course I don't mean that we have to live like hermits.

[Margaret Anderson]

Of course not, dear.

[Jim Anderson]

There are circumstances when it will be necessary and proper for us to spend an evening away from home. A special picture that we won't want to miss or a meeting or

[Maxwell House Announcer]

something.

[Margaret Anderson]

You're so right, dear. But after that long lecture you just finished, naturally. You don't mean tonight, do you, dear?

[Jim Anderson]

Oh, no, naturally, not tonight. We. We'll all spend a quiet evening at home tonight.

[Betty Anderson]

Daddy?

[Jim Anderson]

Yes, Kathy?

[Betty Anderson]

Daddy, may I please have a dollar and a quarter?

[Jim Anderson]

You certainly may not.

[Betty Anderson]

But Daddy.

[Jim Anderson]

You see, Margaret, that's just what I meant about discipline. This entire discussion about thrift and economy was absolutely wasted. Everything I said went in one ear and out the other. I spent 15 minutes explaining that we had to take it easy, that we had to cut down on our spending. And what happens soon as I stop to take a deep breath? Bud needs $5 to watch birds and Kathy needs a dollar and a quarter. Why on earth do you suddenly need a dollar and a quarter to pay the paper?

[Betty Anderson]

Bo,

[Maxwell House Announcer]

You know, for all his talking, Father wouldn't think of doing without that paper. It's one of those things that means so much to every day that comes along. And something else we count on, you and I, day in and day out, is coffee. I mean really good coffee, like our Maxwell House coffee you sit down to and enjoy cup after cup that good to the last drop flavor. You won't find it in any other coffee, no coffee but Maxwell House. And as you'd expect, there's a very real reason why. It's a recipe, the only recipe there is for that good to the last drop flavor. It's mighty important, that recipe of ours, because the flavor of the coffee you enjoy depends on the blend, the kind of coffees in it and how they're put together. Now, coffee grows in many different varieties and you can blend them in all sorts of ways, but there's only one way, one recipe for our famous Maxwell House flavor. And when all Said and done. It's this recipe of ours that makes the difference. The big difference between just another coffee and the wonderfully good flavor of America's favorite brand. It's a difference you'll taste for yourself the very first time you pour a cup of our Maxwell House coffee. And I hope you will tomorrow. Hope you'll start enjoying the coffee that's always good to the last drop.

[Narrator]

In the white frame house on Maple Street.

[Jim Anderson]

An hour has passed and a long,

[Narrator]

long hour it's been for Jim Anderson. The minutes have dragged by an endless procession. His active mind is buzzing with a weird assortment of masculine schemes, every one of them taken from the file headed how to get out of the house. A dozen fantastic plans have already been tried and none of them has worked. But you've got to give Jim credit. The kid's still in there pitching like this.

[Jim Anderson]

Margaret?

[Margaret Anderson]

Yes dear?

[Jim Anderson]

Do you have the correct time?

[Margaret Anderson]

I think so. It's five minutes of eight.

[Jim Anderson]

Uh huh. Just what I thought. This doggone watch is on the blink again. Just won't keep time.

[Margaret Anderson]

Well, what time do you have, dear?

[Jim Anderson]

Seven of.

[Margaret Anderson]

Well, Jim, that's a difference of only two minutes.

[Jim Anderson]

Only two minutes? Margaret, do you realize the things that have happened in two minutes? Wars have been won and lost. The entire course of civilization has been changed. I. I better have it fixed.

[Margaret Anderson]

All right, dear.

[Jim Anderson]

As a matter of fact, as long as I'm not doing anything right now, I might as well run down to the jewelers and it might take some time. You know how fussy jewelers can be about a watch. So maybe you'd better not wait up for me.

[Margaret Anderson]

Jim.

[Jim Anderson]

Yes, dear.

[Margaret Anderson]

Christmas is over. The jewelers all close at 5:30.

[Jim Anderson]

They do? You mean all of them?

[Margaret Anderson]

Yes, Jim.

[Bud Anderson]

Oh, you ought to see the. The watch Joe Phillips got for Christmas.

[Jim Anderson]

Dad.

[Bud Anderson]

Boy, is that a watch. Shatterproof, shockproof, waterproof, heat proof. And it's guaranteed to last him a lifetime. But it won't.

[Jim Anderson]

Why not?

[Bud Anderson]

He lost it.

[Jim Anderson]

Bud, instead of making bad jokes, why don't you go upstairs and do your homework?

[Bud Anderson]

That wasn't a joke, dad.

[Jim Anderson]

You can say that again.

[Bud Anderson]

You mean the whole thing?

[Jim Anderson]

Bud, go upstairs and do your homework.

[Bud Anderson]

Okay. You. You wouldn't want to help me, would you?

[Jim Anderson]

That's right.

[Bud Anderson]

Yeah, I sort of figured you wouldn't. Well, I'll see you later, Margaret.

[Jim Anderson]

I think I'll go out for a little walk.

[Margaret Anderson]

Why Jim, it's snowing.

[Jim Anderson]

Well, there's nothing wrong with a little snow. Does a man good to get out in the snow once in A while. The air crisp and clear, the. The ground all white and peaceful.

[Margaret Anderson]

Jim Anderson, you're not going to tramp around in the snow. At your age, I have enough to do without taking care of a sick husband. And stop pacing up and down the room like a caged lion. Father?

[Jim Anderson]

Yes, Betty?

[Betty Anderson]

I'll play checkers with you if you like.

[Jim Anderson]

Thank you, but I'd rather see you doing your homework.

[Betty Anderson]

Well, I don't have any homework. I finished it this afternoon.

[Jim Anderson]

Well, go sew something or read a book. Don't tell me you read a book.

[Betty Anderson]

I'll spot you two kings.

[Jim Anderson]

I don't need to be spotted. Two kings. And I don't want to play checkers. Margaret?

[Margaret Anderson]

Yes, dear?

[Jim Anderson]

Do you need anything at the drugstore?

[Margaret Anderson]

No, dear, not a thing.

[Jim Anderson]

We're kind of low on toothpaste paste this morning.

[Margaret Anderson]

I got some this afternoon.

[Jim Anderson]

Oh, you did? Soap holding up all right?

[Margaret Anderson]

Just fine.

[Jim Anderson]

Uhhuh. Say, I think I'll run out and get something to smoke. Yes, sir, that's just what I'll do.

[Margaret Anderson]

Jim.

[Jim Anderson]

Yes, Margaret?

[Margaret Anderson]

I bought you a carton of cigarettes this afternoon, and there's a whole humidor full of pipe tobacco.

[Jim Anderson]

I. You know, it's a funny thing, but I just feel like smoking a cigar.

[Margaret Anderson]

Jim, I didn't know you smoked cigars.

[Jim Anderson]

Well, of course. After all, there's nothing like a good cigar. You know what Rudyard Kipling said? A woman is only a woman, but a good cigar is a smoke.

[Bud Anderson]

Yeah.

[Jim Anderson]

I'll get it.

[Betty Anderson]

Jim, be careful.

[Jim Anderson]

Who the dickens. Move the lamp over to this side.

[Margaret Anderson]

Oh, Jim, how could you?

[Jim Anderson]

Well, how do you expect me to keep track of where the lamps are if you keep moving them around all the time anyway? Well, I'm sorry, Margaret. I was just.

[Betty Anderson]

The phone's ringing.

[Jim Anderson]

Betty, be a good girl and clean up this mess, will you?

[Betty Anderson]

All right, Father.

[Jim Anderson]

Don't worry about the lamp, Margaret. We'll get it fixed or something.

[Margaret Anderson]

A good lamp.

[Betty Anderson]

Just look at it.

[Jim Anderson]

Six lamps, right in your way. When you're in a hurry, naturally they get knocked down. Hello? Hello, Heck? What do you mean? Am I still here? Of course not. I left for your house 20 minutes ago. Heck, I'm doing everything I can. I can't do it.

[Bud Anderson]

Heck.

[Jim Anderson]

I can't just walk out. Because I can't. That's why I am trying. Well, stop worrying about it. I'll figure something out. Okay? Yeah. Call me later. So long.

[Betty Anderson]

Who was that, dear?

[Jim Anderson]

It was Hector, honey. He just wanted to talk to me.

[Margaret Anderson]

About what, dear? Is anything wrong?

[Narrator]

Oh, no.

[Jim Anderson]

He wanted me to come over there. He probably wants to talk to me about something.

[Margaret Anderson]

Like what, dear?

[Jim Anderson]

Well, he. It. Well, it's probably very complicated.

[Bud Anderson]

You.

[Jim Anderson]

You'd be surprised.

[Margaret Anderson]

I'll bet I would.

[Jim Anderson]

Are you through with the newspaper, dear?

[Margaret Anderson]

I think so.

[Jim Anderson]

Well, I guess I'll sit down and read the paper.

[Margaret Anderson]

That's a very good idea.

[Jim Anderson]

Daddy, we're in the den, Kathy.

[Betty Anderson]

Daddy, I just thought of something wonderful to save money. How much does water cost?

[Jim Anderson]

Not very much, dear. Why?

[Betty Anderson]

Well, it costs something to get it hot, doesn't it? So I thought if I only took one bath a week.

[Jim Anderson]

Are you supposed to be taking a bath now?

[Betty Anderson]

Uh huh.

[Jim Anderson]

Well, take it.

[Betty Anderson]

But you said we had to save money and I thought if I only took.

[Jim Anderson]

Kathy, go upstairs and take your bath.

[Betty Anderson]

Gee whiz, you heard your father, Kathy.

[Margaret Anderson]

Now go ahead.

[Betty Anderson]

First they want to save money, then they don't want to save money. Why don't they make up their mind?

[Jim Anderson]

Say, did you see this in the paper? They're having a big meeting in the

[Margaret Anderson]

school auditorium tomorrow night.

[Jim Anderson]

Oh, Yeah, that's right. It's tomorrow.

[Margaret Anderson]

Jim.

[Betty Anderson]

Father, I put all the broken pieces on the service porch, but I don't think they can fix the lamp. It's a mess.

[Jim Anderson]

Thank you, Benny.

[Betty Anderson]

You're welcome.

[Jim Anderson]

Were you going to say something, dear?

[Margaret Anderson]

Oh, no, no, it's all right.

[Betty Anderson]

Mother?

[Margaret Anderson]

Yes, Betty?

[Betty Anderson]

Have you seen the records I borrowed from Janie?

[Margaret Anderson]

Well, no, dear, I haven't. Where did you leave them?

[Betty Anderson]

Well, I put them over there on father's chair. Father, you're sitting on them.

[Jim Anderson]

I am? Oh, I thought it felt kind of funny.

[Betty Anderson]

Oh, Father, how could you? $7.50 worth of South Paso and look at it.

[Jim Anderson]

Well, they're only cracked a little. Betty, look at this one. Only the front part of it's broken off. You can still play the whole chorus and that's all anybody listens to anyway.

[Betty Anderson]

She'll never talk to me again, and I don't blame her.

[Jim Anderson]

Oh, Betty, will you please stop that moaning and groaning? I'll buy Janie another album. And stop looking at me as though I went around beating little children.

[Betty Anderson]

Yes, Father.

[Jim Anderson]

Man tries to spend a quiet evening at home and what happens? Lamps fall down. People stuff records under his cushions.

[Narrator]

I'll get it, Jim.

[Jim Anderson]

Please be careful, Margaret. I don't make a practice of knocking lamps down. Anybody listening to you would think I broke a lamp every day.

[Margaret Anderson]

Yes, dear, but be careful just the same.

[Jim Anderson]

Never liked a darn lamp anywhere. Silliest looking lamp I ever Saw in my life. Hello? Yes, I'm still here. Look, Heck, I told you in the very beginning I didn't think I could make it. Well, I did try. I tried everything but chloroform. It won't do any good to call me back later. Why don't you just forget the whole thing?

[Betty Anderson]

Jim?

[Bud Anderson]

Just a minute.

[Jim Anderson]

Heck. What is it, Margaret?

[Betty Anderson]

Is that Hector again?

[Jim Anderson]

Yes, dear, it's Hector.

[Margaret Anderson]

Well, Jim, if it's really that urgent, why don't you run over there?

[Jim Anderson]

You. You wouldn't mind?

[Margaret Anderson]

No. But if they can't get anyone else, why don't you have them come over here for the game?

[Bud Anderson]

Over here?

[Margaret Anderson]

There's no reason why they can't play poker here.

[Jim Anderson]

There isn't?

[Betty Anderson]

Of course not.

[Jim Anderson]

Oh, well. Say, Heck, how about playing over here? It would, huh? Well, fine. Oh, of course not. Margaret won't mind at all. Okay. See you in a little while. Goodbye. Margaret.

[Margaret Anderson]

Yes, Jim?

[Bud Anderson]

I.

[Jim Anderson]

Well, you see, I'd forgotten all about this date I had with the boys and, well, I told him to get somebody else.

[Margaret Anderson]

Just a moment, dear.

[Betty Anderson]

Bud.

[Bud Anderson]

You want me, Mom?

[Margaret Anderson]

Yes, dear. I want you to go to the delicatessen.

[Bud Anderson]

Okay, I'll be down in a minute.

[Jim Anderson]

Why does he have to go to the delicatessen?

[Margaret Anderson]

Well, you'll be busy getting the card things ready, dear, and there isn't a thing in the house. We'll have to serve something.

[Jim Anderson]

Well, it doesn't have to be anything elaborate.

[Margaret Anderson]

Oh, no. But we'll need a few slices of ham and some liverwurst and bologna and cheese. A few loaves of bread, potato chips. Pickles?

[Jim Anderson]

Why do we need pickles? There's no sense in running hog wild just because a couple of men are coming over to play poker. I told you at dinner, Margaret, we've got to cut down on our expenses.

[Margaret Anderson]

All right, dear. No pickles. After all, Father knows best.

[Jim Anderson]

Well, pickles are no pickles.

[Maxwell House Announcer]

I'm inclined to think its mother knows best when it comes to shopping for the family groceries. Take coffee, for instance. Mother knows that when she buys coffee, there's just one thing that means real value. It's the flavor you get for your money that really counts. And these days, she understands it's more important than ever to get the most flavor for every penny you spend. And that's just what you do get. In our Maxwell House coffee.

[Jim Anderson]

You get a full measure of that

[Maxwell House Announcer]

wonderful Maxwell House flavor. Good to the last drop flavor no other coffee gives you. And that's why more people buy our Maxwell House than any other brand of Coffee. So when you put out good money for coffee, be sure you get the most in value in flavor and freshness. You always will when you open up a pound of Maxwell House. The coffee that's always good to the last drop.

[Narrator]

The lights are out in the white frame house on Maple Street.

[Jim Anderson]

The children are asleep, the guests are gone. The last chip has been put away and the poker game is a thing of the past.

[Margaret Anderson]

Jim.

[Jim Anderson]

Oh, you're still awake, Jim?

[Margaret Anderson]

Yes. I've just been lying here thinking. How did the game go?

[Jim Anderson]

Fine. Just fine, I guess I showed that Hector Smith how poker should be played. Bluffed him right out of two of the biggest pots you ever saw.

[Margaret Anderson]

Jim.

[Jim Anderson]

Yes, dear?

[Margaret Anderson]

You know, I've been wondering about this sudden wave of economy. There isn't anything wrong, is there?

[Jim Anderson]

Oh, no, I. Well, it was those darn Christmas bills. They really got me down tonight.

[Margaret Anderson]

Didn't help much, did it? I mean, we'll have to buy a new lamp and records for Janie.

[Jim Anderson]

Well, it won't amount to much.

[Margaret Anderson]

No, I suppose not. Including the food and drinks, I figure that the quiet evening at home came to just 32.50.

[Jim Anderson]

$36.50.

[Margaret Anderson]

No, dear. 3250. I can get a new lamp for. Oh, you mean you.

[Jim Anderson]

I certainly did. Four dollars and 22 cents. Good night, Mike.

[Margaret Anderson]

Good night, dear. If you like good things the easy way.

[Betty Anderson]

Good things the easy way. Instant Max will have that for you. Good, good copy. That's easy, too. No time, no time trouble, no brown snow pot. And it's good to the very last. You know what?

[Maxwell House Announcer]

Yes. Instant Maxwell House means great coffee instantly in your cup. Here's real instant coffee. All pure Maxwell House coffee in instant form.

[Bud Anderson]

Enjoy.

[Maxwell House Announcer]

Instant Maxwell House instantly good to the very last.

[Betty Anderson]

You know what?

[Narrator]

Join us again next week when we'll be back with Father Knows Best, starring Robert Young as Jim Anderson. With Roy Barggy and the Maxwell House Orchestra and yours truly, Bill Foreman. Don't forget, membership cards for the Robert Young Good Drivers Club are waiting for you at your local NBC station. Get a man to man or dad to daughter pledge and sign up today. Be a good driver. Get your membership card in the Robert Young Good Drivers Club today. Now until next Thursday, good night and good luck from the makers of Maxwell House, America's favorite brand of coffee, always

[Jim Anderson]

good to the last drop.

[Narrator]

Father Knows Best was transcribed in Hollywood and written by Ed James. Now stay tuned in for Screen Gill Theater, which follows immediately over most of these stations. Here are three top stars on Screen

[Jim Anderson]

Guild Theater next on NBC.

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