Father Knows Best - Family Spending

Summary

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Podcast Summary: Father Knows Best – Family Spending

Podcast: Harold’s Old Time Radio
Host: Harold’s Old Time Radio
Episode: Family Spending
Air Date: June 21, 2026

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Episode Overview

In this delightful episode of "Father Knows Best" titled Family Spending, the Anderson family navigates a minefield of sales pitches, impulsive purchases, and the social pressures that lead to buying things they neither want nor need. Set in the golden age of radio, the episode playfully explores the family’s struggles with door-to-door salespeople and their own rationalizations for over-spending, all while highlighting the quirks and warmth of familial dynamics in postwar suburban America.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. The Family’s Growing Magazine Collection

• Jim (father) discovers the family has subscribed to a slew of obscure magazines such as "Poultry Breeders Bulletin and Gazette," "Bee Culture Quarterly," "Wine Growers Weekly," and "Goat Herders Gazette."
• Margaret (mother) justifies the purchases as acts of kindness, often to "nice boys working their way through school."
  • Margaret: “It was only $4, Jim. And if I thought you were going to make all this fuss—” (03:48)
• Jim worries their name is on every "sucker list" in the country.

2. Impulse Buying Strikes the Whole Family

• Margaret commits to buying a 12-volume set, "The History of Our Feathered Friends", after giving a deposit to her friend’s son.
  • Margaret: “But they're beautifully bound, Jim. And they cost only $8. And they're worth three times that. Howard said so.” (05:16)
• Bud (son) buys an expensive Joe DiMaggio baseball glove after a salesman tells him his hand is just like DiMaggio’s.
  • Bud: “The man said in his whole life he'd never seen a hand that looked more like Joe DiMaggio.” (07:01)
• Betty (daughter) reluctantly buys an ugly sweater to avoid insulting her best friend.
  • Betty: “I couldn't say I thought it was hideous, so I did [buy it].” (10:15)

3. Jim’s Exasperation and Inevitable Hypocrisy

• Jim rails against the waste until he’s pressured to buy from a neighbor’s niece, Sheila Gibson, due to a favor owed to his boss, Mr. Gribble:
  • Gribble: “She wants to make some extra money… just a favor if you’d buy some of her things.” (13:03)
  • Jim: “JP, I’ve just gone through a whole thing with my family about not buying things we don’t need.” (13:14)
• In a comic twist, Jim ends up buying three of everything Sheila is selling— which turns out to be ladies' silk lingerie—in a size for Gribble’s wife.
  • Jim (flustered): “I’ll take three. Just put it away. I’ll take three.” (20:14)
  • The sum comes to an astonishing $84, a large sum for the time.

4. Embarrassment and Resolution

• Margaret returns home, sees the display of black nightgowns, and assumes the worst.
  • Margaret: “In my own home! My own home to find you cabording with that woman.” (24:35)
• Jim explains he was making a purchase for Gribble to help his niece, restoring marital equilibrium and exposing the episode’s core irony:
  • Jim: “He asked a few friends to buy things from her… I couldn’t say anything in front of Ms. Gibson or the children.” (25:28)

5. The Circular Nature of Family Spending

• As breakfast resumes the next morning, it becomes clear that each family member has learned little about financial prudence (but also, perhaps, that generosity and social obligation are part of family life).
  • Margaret: “Books about birds can be very useful, can't they, dear?” (28:31)
  • Jim (resigned): “Yes. Yes, I guess they can be.” (28:36)
  • Betty: “Father, what are you going to do with your black nightgown?” (29:09)

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• Margaret slyly acquiescing to pressure:
  “People always need magazines.” (02:58)

• Jim’s lament on family spending:
  “Anytime the doorbell rings, somebody buys something, they'll buy anything. The Goat herders gazette, Joe DiMaggio's glove…” (11:01)

• Bud’s enterprising spirit:
  “What if I threw in my Scout knife? It cost me almost a dollar and a half. And that was two years ago, when a dollar and a half was a dollar and a half.” (09:14)

• Crescendo of embarrassment:
  Margaret (seeing the lingerie): “How could you do a thing like that?”
  Jim (defensive): “She was holding it up, Margaret. She wasn't wearing it.” (24:48)

• Family affairs cycle back to normal:
  “Well, things seem to have worked out very well after all, haven't they?”
  Margaret, summing up the gentle resolution. (29:01)

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Timestamps of Important Segments

• [01:53] – Jim discovers the "Poultry Breeders Bulletin and Gazette"
• [05:06] – The "History of Our Feathered Friends" book saga begins
• [07:15] – Bud’s Joe DiMaggio glove anecdote
• [10:11] – Betty explains her coerced sweater purchase
• [13:03] – Gribble’s favor sets up Jim’s quandary
• [20:14] – Jim’s rapid-fire lingerie buying spree
• [24:35] – Margaret catches Jim with the salesman
• [28:31] – Morning-after breakfast reflection
• [29:09] – Betty teases about the "black nightgown"

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Tone and Style

The episode sparkles with rapid-fire, witty banter, familial sarcasm, and warm-hearted irony. Jim’s mounting exasperation contrasts with Margaret's gentle rationalizations and the children’s naïve logic, creating heaps of comic misunderstanding. The satire on salesman culture and social pressure remains surprisingly timely.

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Conclusion

Family Spending is a charming, humorous portrait of postwar American domesticity, gently poking fun at the foibles of family budgets, social obligations, and the skillful persuasion of salespeople. Ultimately, the Andersons’ foibles reflect universal truths: generosity often triumphs over reason, and laughter is the best remedy for household chaos.

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Transcript

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[Jim Anderson]

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[Betty Anderson]

Mother, is Maxwell House the best coffee

[Margaret Anderson]

in the whole world? Well, your father says so. And your father knows best.

[Jim Anderson]

Yes, his father knows best. Transcribed in Hollywood starring Robert Young his father. A half hour visit with your neighbors, the Andersons. Brought to you by Maxwell House. The coffee that's bought and enjoyed by more people than any other brand of coffee at any price. Maxwell House. Always good to the last drop. In the latter part of the 18th century, Dr. Friedrich Anton Mesmer conducted an amazing series of experiments in the field of hypnotism. In his work, Mesmer used rabbits, chickens, even people with results we can describe only as astonishing. There was one field, however, which he neglected to investigate. The hypnotic influence of the average salesman on the average American home in Springfield and the white frame house on Maple Street. This subject is now about to be explored, but thoroughly. Like this. Margaret.

[Margaret Anderson]

Yes, dear?

[Jim Anderson]

What's this?

[Margaret Anderson]

What's what, dear?

[Jim Anderson]

This.

[Margaret Anderson]

Oh, that. That's a magazine.

[Jim Anderson]

I know it's a magazine, but what are we doing with a copy of the Poultry Breeders Bulletin and Gazette?

[Margaret Anderson]

Well, we had our choice between that and the Mining Engineer's Monthly Manual.

[Jim Anderson]

So you took the Poultry Breeders Bulletin and Gazette.

[Margaret Anderson]

Naturally, we wouldn't have any use for a magazine about mining engineers, would we?

[Jim Anderson]

Margaret.

[Margaret Anderson]

Yes, dear?

[Jim Anderson]

Have you developed a sudden interest in poultry?

[Margaret Anderson]

No.

[Jim Anderson]

A poultry breeder.

[Margaret Anderson]

Jim, don't be ridiculous.

[Jim Anderson]

Well, you don't just go out and buy a thing like this without some reason.

[Margaret Anderson]

I didn't go out. He brought it here.

[Jim Anderson]

Who did?

[Margaret Anderson]

Well, I don't know his name, but he was a very nice boy and he's working his way through Harvard.

[Jim Anderson]

You mean we bought a subscription for this thing?

[Margaret Anderson]

It was only $4, Jim. And if I thought you were going to make all this fuss.

[Jim Anderson]

I'm not making any fuss. It's just that I see no reason for throwing money away on things we don't need.

[Margaret Anderson]

People always need magazines.

[Jim Anderson]

All right, but why did you have to pick the Poultry Breeders Bulletin and Gazette?

[Margaret Anderson]

I told you, dear, because we couldn't Use the Mining Engineer's Monthly Manual.

[Jim Anderson]

And we had to buy something, didn't we?

[Margaret Anderson]

He was a very nice boy, Margaret.

[Jim Anderson]

I, too, am a very nice boy. I'm one of the nicest boys I know, and I work very hard for my money.

[Margaret Anderson]

Yes, dear.

[Jim Anderson]

I have three children to support. Three hungry children who eat like overgrown vacuum cleaners.

[Margaret Anderson]

Yes, dear.

[Jim Anderson]

Well, how do you expect me to keep on feeding them if you keep on buying? The Poultry Breeders Bulletin and Gazette.

[Margaret Anderson]

I bought it only once.

[Jim Anderson]

Margaret, don't you see what's happening? You've got our names on every sucker list in the country.

[Margaret Anderson]

That's not so.

[Jim Anderson]

It certainly is. Look at that stack of magazines. The Bee Culture Quarterly, the Wine Growers Weekly, the Goat Herders Gazette. What good are they? We don't need any of them.

[Margaret Anderson]

Oh. Oh, dear.

[Jim Anderson]

What's the matter?

[Margaret Anderson]

Jim? Promise me you won't be angry.

[Jim Anderson]

What did you buy?

[Margaret Anderson]

Now, first promise me you won't be angry.

[Jim Anderson]

All right, I promise. What did you buy?

[Margaret Anderson]

Well, Mary Edith Steele. You remember Mary Edith, don't you?

[Jim Anderson]

Naturally. We went to different schools to get it. What about her?

[Margaret Anderson]

Well, she has a son by her first marriage, Howard Milliken. Her first husband's name was Milliken. And that's why Howard's name is Milliken and her name is Steel.

[Jim Anderson]

Margaret.

[Margaret Anderson]

He's a very nice boy, Jim. Really he is. Of course, it's too bad they didn't have his teeth straightened when he was young.

[Jim Anderson]

Margaret.

[Margaret Anderson]

Yes, dear?

[Jim Anderson]

What did you buy?

[Margaret Anderson]

I didn't buy anything.

[Jim Anderson]

Good.

[Margaret Anderson]

Not really, that is, Margaret. I just gave him a deposit, Jim. And I don't have to pay the balance until it's delivered.

[Jim Anderson]

Until what's delivered?

[Margaret Anderson]

The History of Our Feathered Friends.

[Jim Anderson]

You bought a book about birds?

[Margaret Anderson]

Well, not exactly a book.

[Son (possibly Bud or Vinnie)]

Oh, it's 12 books, Margaret.

[Margaret Anderson]

But they're beautifully bound, Jim. And they cost only $8. And they're worth three times that. Howard said so.

[Jim Anderson]

Margaret.

[Margaret Anderson]

Yes, dear?

[Jim Anderson]

We don't want them.

[Margaret Anderson]

But I've given him a two dollar deposit.

[Jim Anderson]

Tell him to keep the deposit. We don't want the books.

[Margaret Anderson]

Jim, I can't do a thing like that. I can't possibly.

[Jim Anderson]

I can. What's the number?

[Margaret Anderson]

They don't have a telephone.

[Jim Anderson]

Well, where do they live?

[Margaret Anderson]

Jim, if I promise not to buy

[Jim Anderson]

anything more, where do they live?

[Margaret Anderson]

Hi, everybody. I'll never be able to look Mary Edith in the face again.

[Jim Anderson]

Fine. Where do they live? Where does who live?

[Margaret Anderson]

Dan isn't as though we can't use the books, dear. You can't ever tell when you might want to know something about birds.

[Jim Anderson]

I know everything about birds that I intend to know. Now, will you please tell me where they live?

[Son (possibly Bud or Vinnie)]

Who? Dan.

[Margaret Anderson]

You don't have to tell them a thing. Jim Anderson. I'll go over there myself this very instant.

[Jim Anderson]

Good.

[Son (possibly Bud or Vinnie)]

Where? Mom.

[Margaret Anderson]

And I'll tell them exactly why we aren't going to take the books.

[Jim Anderson]

You do that. Who?

[Maxwell House Coffee Announcer]

Dad.

[Margaret Anderson]

And don't be a bit surprised if no one in that entire family ever speaks to you again.

[Jim Anderson]

That's all right, too. Fine thing. If you won't buy their silly books, they won't talk to you.

[Son (possibly Bud or Vinnie)]

Dad.

[Jim Anderson]

What?

[Son (possibly Bud or Vinnie)]

Who?

[Jim Anderson]

Who? What?

[Son (possibly Bud or Vinnie)]

Who won't talk to you?

[Jim Anderson]

Howard Milliken.

[Son (possibly Bud or Vinnie)]

Who's he?

[Jim Anderson]

The boy who won't talk to me. But I'm just as happy.

[Son (possibly Bud or Vinnie)]

Atta boy. Say, dad.

[Jim Anderson]

Not now, bud. I've just gone through a thing with your mother, but I want you to see something.

[Son (possibly Bud or Vinnie)]

Look at that. Dad, do you know whose hand that is?

[Jim Anderson]

Yours. Take it upstairs and give it a bath.

[Son (possibly Bud or Vinnie)]

It's Joe DiMaggio.

[Jim Anderson]

Does he know what's missing?

[Son (possibly Bud or Vinnie)]

The man said in his whole life he'd never seen a hand that looked more like Joe DiMaggio.

[Jim Anderson]

Fine. I hope you'll both be very happy.

[Son (possibly Bud or Vinnie)]

That's why I need the $2.

[Jim Anderson]

What $2?

[Margaret Anderson]

For the glove.

[Jim Anderson]

What glove?

[Son (possibly Bud or Vinnie)]

My new baseball glove by Joe DiMaggio's. But, well, gosh, if you've got a hand like that, you can't use just any old glove, can you?

[Jim Anderson]

But who told you your hand was like DiMaggio's?

[Son (possibly Bud or Vinnie)]

The man who sold me the glove.

[Jim Anderson]

Take it back.

[Son (possibly Bud or Vinnie)]

But the man said.

[Jim Anderson]

Take it back. Holy cow.

[Son (possibly Bud or Vinnie)]

Mother, what if he won't take it back? Then what am I going to do? I already gave him $4.

[Jim Anderson]

It's very simple. Give him $2 more.

[Son (possibly Bud or Vinnie)]

Where am I going to get it?

[Jim Anderson]

Work for it. Or is it against the law to push a lawnmower with Joe DiMaggio's hand? And don't say, holy cow. Gee whiz.

[Betty Anderson]

Father, have you seen Mother?

[Jim Anderson]

She went out.

[Betty Anderson]

Where?

[Jim Anderson]

She's going to give Howard Milliken the birds.

[Betty Anderson]

What?

[Jim Anderson]

Never mind.

[Son (possibly Bud or Vinnie)]

Dad, would you lend me $2 if I gave you security?

[Jim Anderson]

What kind of security? My old glove. No.

[Son (possibly Bud or Vinnie)]

That's what I figured.

[Betty Anderson]

You don't know when Mother will be back, do you, Father?

[Jim Anderson]

Pretty soon. What's in the box?

[Margaret Anderson]

The box?

[Jim Anderson]

Box. B O X. A device for carrying things like the one you have in your hand box.

[Margaret Anderson]

Oh.

[Betty Anderson]

Oh. Oh. It isn't Anything, Father.

[Jim Anderson]

Just something I bought and paid for, I hope.

[Betty Anderson]

Maybe I better go look for Mother. She might need me for something.

[Jim Anderson]

Betty, come back here.

[Betty Anderson]

Yes, Father.

[Jim Anderson]

In the event that you missed that last bit of subtlety, I'll repeat it. And paid for, I hope.

[Son (possibly Bud or Vinnie)]

What if I threw in my Scout knife? It cost me almost a dollar and a half.

[Jim Anderson]

Are you going to answer me?

[Son (possibly Bud or Vinnie)]

And that was two years ago, when a dollar and a half was a dollar and a half.

[Jim Anderson]

Go turn off the sprinklers.

[Son (possibly Bud or Vinnie)]

They aren't on.

[Jim Anderson]

Then turn them on.

[Son (possibly Bud or Vinnie)]

Good gosh, what some people have to go through to get too measly.

[Jim Anderson]

Betty.

[Betty Anderson]

Yes, Father?

[Jim Anderson]

You charged it, didn't you?

[Betty Anderson]

Yes, Father.

[Jim Anderson]

Why?

[Betty Anderson]

Well, I didn't have any money, and anyway, I think it's awful.

[Jim Anderson]

What is?

[Betty Anderson]

The sweater.

[Margaret Anderson]

It's horrible.

[Jim Anderson]

Then why did you buy it?

[Betty Anderson]

I had to, Father. Janie Liggett's my best friend. I couldn't insult her, could I?

[Jim Anderson]

Betty, for the sake of my poor belabored mind, would you please start all over again from the beginning?

[Betty Anderson]

Well, Janie bought a sweater, and the clerk said, isn't it beautiful? And I had to say yes. And then she told me I ought to buy one, and I couldn't say I thought it was hideous, so I did.

[Jim Anderson]

You said it was hideous?

[Betty Anderson]

No, I bought one.

[Jim Anderson]

Well, take it back.

[Betty Anderson]

Oh, I can't, Father. It was on sale.

[Jim Anderson]

Oh, I don't know. When I was a boy, things like this never happened in my house. People bought what they needed, and that was all Daddy. And so help me, if she bought something, I'll strangle her.

[Betty Anderson]

Father. Hi, Daddy. Where's everybody?

[Jim Anderson]

She's out. Where is it?

[Maxwell House Coffee Announcer]

Where's what?

[Jim Anderson]

Whatever it is you bought.

[Betty Anderson]

I didn't buy anything.

[Margaret Anderson]

Phew.

[Betty Anderson]

Nobody told me to buy anything.

[Jim Anderson]

That's more like it.

[Betty Anderson]

But I will.

[Jim Anderson]

Never mind.

[Betty Anderson]

I never buy anything.

[Jim Anderson]

You're the only one in this whole family with any sense. Anytime the doorbell rings, somebody buys something, they'll buy anything. The Goat herders gazette, Joe DiMaggio's glove.

[Betty Anderson]

I want to buy something.

[Jim Anderson]

Oh, Kathy, stop it.

[Betty Anderson]

Everybody gets to buy things except me. I never get to buy anything.

[Jim Anderson]

Debbie, make her stop it.

[Betty Anderson]

Well, I don't know if I can. Please.

[Jim Anderson]

Nobody has a family like this. Nobody else in the whole world.

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[Son (possibly Bud or Vinnie)]

Hello?

[Jim Anderson]

Hello, Jim. This is Gribble, J.P. gribble. Oh, hello, J.P. those group insurance figures still haven't come back from York night.

[Son (possibly Bud or Vinnie)]

Kathy, stop it.

[Jim Anderson]

That isn't why I called. Jim, could you do me a favor? A big favor? Why, of course, J.P. if I can. What is it? Well, I have a niece, my sister's girl. Pretty little thing, wants to make some extra money. Oh, well, you see, J.P. so she's going from house to house, selling things, ringing doorbells, you know.

[Betty Anderson]

I'll get it.

[Jim Anderson]

Did you say something? No, J.P. that was just the doorbell.

[Son (possibly Bud or Vinnie)]

Oh.

[Jim Anderson]

Well, as I was saying, I've given her the names of a few people. Just a few, you know, and I consider it a great favor if you'd buy some of her things. JP I've just gone through a whole thing with my family about not buying things we don't need. Now, if I buy things, just two or three of everything she's got. That's all. Two or three. Then if you'll just bring everything over to me, I'll be glad to reimburse you. Oh, well, of course, J.P. i'll be glad to. Be a lot easier just to give her the money. But you know how it is. Proud little creature, won't take a thing from me. Wants to earn it on her own. Well, I understand perfectly, J.P. naturally, you won't let her know I've called. Oh, haven't heard from you in weeks. That's the idea. I knew I could count on you, my boy. And I'll bring the things up to you in the morning. Anytime at all, Jim. I'll be glad to take them off your ass. Why? Well, I'll see you in the morning. Thank you, Jim. And good night, my boy. Good night, J.P. who was it? Kathy.

[Betty Anderson]

It was a lady selling things already.

[Jim Anderson]

Tell her to come in.

[Betty Anderson]

You want her to come in?

[Son (possibly Bud or Vinnie)]

That's right.

[Betty Anderson]

But you said you didn't want us to buy anything.

[Jim Anderson]

Kathy, we've been buying things for months from anybody who came to the door. Now, this is something special. This is something I've got to buy. Tell the lady to come in.

[Betty Anderson]

I can't.

[Jim Anderson]

Why not?

[Betty Anderson]

I already told her to go away.

[Jim Anderson]

Oh, no.

[Maxwell House Coffee Announcer]

Now, that's good coffee. Best I ever had. Those words will really warm your heart when you hear them from the world's greatest coffee expert. Yes, ma'. Am. Because that number one expert is the man you want to please most.

[Jim Anderson]

Your husband.

[Maxwell House Coffee Announcer]

Of course, we think we're pretty fair experts. Our Maxwell House coffee is America's favorite brand. But the expert with the last word is that man of yours. And if you'll brew him a pot of Maxwell House, we're mighty sure he'll say, that's what I call good coffee. In fact, if he doesn't, we'll give you your money back. You see, we know there's no other coffee tastes like our Maxwell House because no other coffee's made like Maxwell House. No other coffee has that wonderful good to the last drop flavor. So we'd like you to bring home a pound tomorrow, start serving Maxwell House coffee to that husband of yours. And if he doesn't say it's the best coffee ever, why, you send us the can and unused portion and we'll gladly refund the price you paid. Our address is right on the front of that familiar blue tin. Tomorrow, see how much the world's greatest coffee expert enjoys Maxwell House coffee. Always good to the last drop.

[Jim Anderson]

It's moments later on Maple street and at White Frame House occupied by the Andersons, there's a soapy whir of speculation. Will Kathy be able to find the sales girl and bring her back? Will Margaret recover her $2 deposit from Howard Milliken? Will Jim be able to carry out Mr. Gribble's instructions? Certainly. Sounds exciting, doesn't it? It's drama. That's what it is. Sheer, unadulterated drama.

[Maxwell House Coffee Announcer]

Like this.

[Margaret Anderson]

Father.

[Jim Anderson]

What is it, Vinnie?

[Betty Anderson]

Do you hate green sweaters?

[Jim Anderson]

Not particularly.

[Betty Anderson]

I do.

[Jim Anderson]

Good.

[Betty Anderson]

Of all the sweaters in the store, she would have to pick out a green one. Oh, Janie Liggett and I look terrible in green.

[Jim Anderson]

She couldn't have gotten off the block.

[Margaret Anderson]

Janie Liggett?

[Jim Anderson]

No, Mr. Gribble. That girl who was selling things.

[Betty Anderson]

Daddy, I found her. I found her. Wow.

[Jim Anderson]

Good for you.

[Betty Anderson]

Oh, it Was so exciting. Daddy, she was just getting kicked out of the Woody.

[Jim Anderson]

She What?

[Betty Anderson]

I mean, Mrs. Woody was telling her she didn't want any.

[Jim Anderson]

Oh. Well, where is she?

[Margaret Anderson]

She's coming.

[Betty Anderson]

And. Oh, Daddy, is she pretty?

[Jim Anderson]

She is, huh?

[Betty Anderson]

She's got beautiful golden hair and big blue eyes. Who has, Father?

[Jim Anderson]

Just someone with whom I have to do some business, that's all.

[Betty Anderson]

What kind of business?

[Jim Anderson]

Betty, why don't you go upstairs and worry about your green sweater or something?

[Betty Anderson]

Well, if you're going to do business with beautiful blondes and don't want us around.

[Jim Anderson]

I didn't say I didn't want you around around. I merely said just stay here and keep quiet, please.

[Margaret Anderson]

Hello.

[Betty Anderson]

Oh, come on in. I left the door open. Thank you.

[Jim Anderson]

Kathy, why don't you go somewhere and play?

[Betty Anderson]

I want to watch.

[Jim Anderson]

Well, just be sure that you don't.

[Son (possibly Bud or Vinnie)]

Hello, there.

[Jim Anderson]

I'm Jim Anderson.

[Margaret Anderson]

How do you do, Mr. Anderson? I'm Sheila Gibson.

[Jim Anderson]

Yes, you certainly are. Come on in.

[Narrator/Announcer]

Sit down.

[Margaret Anderson]

Thank you very much.

[Jim Anderson]

That's better, isn't it?

[Margaret Anderson]

Yes, quite.

[Jim Anderson]

This is my older daughter, Betty.

[Margaret Anderson]

How do you do, Betty? Hi.

[Jim Anderson]

And of course, you've met Kathy.

[Margaret Anderson]

Of course.

[Betty Anderson]

Hi.

[Margaret Anderson]

She said you wanted to see me about something.

[Jim Anderson]

Yes, I certainly do.

[Son (possibly Bud or Vinnie)]

I.

[Jim Anderson]

We'd like to see what you're selling.

[Margaret Anderson]

Oh. For any particular reason?

[Jim Anderson]

Well, of course, I'll probably buy something. We buy things here all the time.

[Margaret Anderson]

Is Mrs. Anderson at home?

[Jim Anderson]

No, but we don't have to worry about that. Just plot everything out.

[Margaret Anderson]

Okay.

[Jim Anderson]

What are you selling, anyway?

[Margaret Anderson]

Lingerie.

[Betty Anderson]

What?

[Jim Anderson]

Lingerie.

[Betty Anderson]

What's that?

[Margaret Anderson]

Lady's silk lingerie, Father.

[Jim Anderson]

Well, there's nothing wrong with ladies silk lingerie, is there?

[Margaret Anderson]

Not that I know of.

[Betty Anderson]

Father, you can't look at things like that, like twat.

[Jim Anderson]

Betty, why can't I? If your mother can buy the Poultry Breeders Gazette, I can look at lingerie. Now, let's see it.

[Margaret Anderson]

All right.

[Betty Anderson]

Father, may I speak to you a minute?

[Jim Anderson]

Later, Betty. Let's just get this over with first.

[Betty Anderson]

Daddy, why won't you tell me? Daddy?

[Margaret Anderson]

This is one of our better garments, Mr. Anderson. It's pure silk and comes in the loose leg.

[Jim Anderson]

I'll take three. Just put it away. I'll take three.

[Margaret Anderson]

Thank you. Did you have any particular size in mind?

[Jim Anderson]

Yes, Mrs. Gribb. I mean, it's. It's for a large woman. Very large.

[Margaret Anderson]

About a 46.

[Betty Anderson]

Father, that's a tent.

[Jim Anderson]

If it's the largest you have, it'll be fine.

[Margaret Anderson]

All right. Now, as a companion piece, we generally recommend this form Fitting.

[Jim Anderson]

I'll take three.

[Margaret Anderson]

Oh, but I want to explain.

[Jim Anderson]

You don't have to explain. I'll take three.

[Margaret Anderson]

In the large size?

[Jim Anderson]

Yes, the large size.

[Son (possibly Bud or Vinnie)]

Oh, hey, dad, how long do you want me to. Holy cow.

[Jim Anderson]

Bud, go turn on the sprinklers.

[Son (possibly Bud or Vinnie)]

I just turned them on.

[Jim Anderson]

Well, turn them on.

[Son (possibly Bud or Vinnie)]

You just said to turn them on.

[Jim Anderson]

Now I'm telling you to turn them off and stop arguing.

[Son (possibly Bud or Vinnie)]

I wasn't arguing. But first you tell me to turn them on, then you tell me to turn them off. Holy cow.

[Jim Anderson]

That was my son.

[Margaret Anderson]

So I gathered. As a special introductory feature, Mr. Anderson, we're offering a new.

[Jim Anderson]

I'll take three. Just give me three of everything and tell me how. How much it is.

[Margaret Anderson]

That's very generous of you, but I really feel.

[Jim Anderson]

It's quite all right. Miss Gibson. Miss Gibson, I was saying to my wife just the other day, the next time somebody comes along selling things, we'll just take three of everything.

[Maxwell House Coffee Announcer]

That's what I said.

[Betty Anderson]

Father, do you feel all right?

[Jim Anderson]

Of course I feel all right. I feel fine.

[Betty Anderson]

Your collar's melting. Why is your face all red?

[Jim Anderson]

Well, it's hot in here, that's all. It's very hot. How much do I owe you?

[Margaret Anderson]

Well, it comes to $84, but that includes Mr. Anderson. Let me show it to you. You.

[Jim Anderson]

You don't have to bother.

[Margaret Anderson]

Oh, but I want to. Tell me, have you ever seen anything more beautiful?

[Jim Anderson]

Yes, fine, fine. Yes, just put it away.

[Betty Anderson]

Oh, Father, that's gorgeous. How do you sleep in a thing like that? You don't sleep in them, silly.

[Margaret Anderson]

Have you ever seen anything so sheer, so soft, so beautifully delicate?

[Jim Anderson]

It's. It's great, just great. Now, will you please put it away?

[Betty Anderson]

Oh, Father, may I look at it just for a minute?

[Margaret Anderson]

It's lovely, isn't it?

[Jim Anderson]

You can look at it later.

[Betty Anderson]

Hold it up against you so I can see.

[Margaret Anderson]

All right, Miss Gibson.

[Betty Anderson]

Jim.

[Jim Anderson]

Oh, Jim.

[Margaret Anderson]

Howard, Millicent says he's very sorry, but.

[Betty Anderson]

Well, Mother, isn't it beautiful? It's a nightgown.

[Jim Anderson]

Margaret, this is Miss Gibson. She sells things.

[Margaret Anderson]

Doesn't she, though? Misses Anderson, your husband's got some beautiful lingerie, but about the size.

[Jim Anderson]

The size is fine, Miss Gibson. And here's the $84, and thank you very much.

[Margaret Anderson]

Oh, this is really wonderful, Mr. Anderson. And I want you to know I appreciate it very much.

[Jim Anderson]

That's quite all right.

[Margaret Anderson]

Oh, of course. What does he care about $84? I'll see that your order's delivered in a very few days.

[Jim Anderson]

That'll be fine, just fine.

[Margaret Anderson]

And thank you, Mrs. Anderson. You have a very generous husband. Oh, yes, Jim the playboy, we call him. Margaret, why don't you girls show Ms. Gibson to the door? That won't be necessary, Mrs. Anderson. I'm sure they want to. Don't you, girls?

[Betty Anderson]

I want to stay here, Kathy. Come on.

[Margaret Anderson]

Thank you again, Mr. Anderson.

[Jim Anderson]

Oh, thank you. Practically nothing of it.

[Betty Anderson]

Goodbye.

[Margaret Anderson]

Goodbye, Ms. Gibson.

[Betty Anderson]

But I want to hear what they're going to say. Don't worry, you'll hear it upstairs.

[Son (possibly Bud or Vinnie)]

Well, Jim Anderson, wait till she gets out.

[Margaret Anderson]

She's out.

[Jim Anderson]

You see, Margaret, I got a call from Mr.

[Margaret Anderson]

In my own home. My own home to find you cabording with that woman.

[Jim Anderson]

I wasn't caught affording. I was buying stuff.

[Margaret Anderson]

Jim, how could you do a thing like that?

[Son (possibly Bud or Vinnie)]

Like what?

[Margaret Anderson]

Black silk nightgowns in my living room.

[Jim Anderson]

She was holding it up, Margaret. She wasn't wearing it.

[Margaret Anderson]

She might just as well have been. What were you thinking of?

[Jim Anderson]

Group insurance? You see, Margaret, I got this call from Mr. Gribble.

[Margaret Anderson]

I wasn't out of the house for more than 10 years, and he said

[Jim Anderson]

he was sending his niece over the

[Margaret Anderson]

very instant my back is turned. You invite strange women into the living room and now only his niece.

[Jim Anderson]

His niece?

[Margaret Anderson]

You mean that was Mr. Gribble's niece?

[Jim Anderson]

Huh?

[Margaret Anderson]

And he sent her over?

[Jim Anderson]

Yep. Oh, she's too proud to take money from her uncle, so he asked a few friends to buy things from her for him. That's why I had to get everything so large. They're for Mrs. Gribble, Jim. I couldn't say anything in front of Ms. Gibson or the children. He doesn't want her to know anything about her.

[Margaret Anderson]

Jim, I'm so ashamed.

[Jim Anderson]

Oh, that's all right, honey. We all make mistakes once in a while.

[Margaret Anderson]

But when I saw her with that black nightgown in front of me.

[Jim Anderson]

Margaret, let's just forget the whole thing, shall we? What happened with our feathered friends?

[Margaret Anderson]

Howard says he can't do anything about it. He's already put the order in. I'm sorry, dear.

[Jim Anderson]

Well, it just goes to show what happens when you don't figure things out. I knew exactly what to do, what to expect, and so it worked fine. Gribble's happy, his niece is happy. And as soon as I get my $84, I'll be happy.

[Margaret Anderson]

Jim.

[Jim Anderson]

Just a second, honey. I'd better answer some door.

[Margaret Anderson]

If it's anybody selling anything, tell them we don't want any.

[Jim Anderson]

Don't worry, angel. I know just how to handle it. Hello.

[Margaret Anderson]

Mr. Anderson?

[Jim Anderson]

Yes.

[Betty Anderson]

I'm Amelia. My uncle, Mr. Gribble, said you'd buy some my Lifesavers.

[Jim Anderson]

Lights.

[Betty Anderson]

I got all kinds of lifesavers. Sperma. Sperm at Wintergreen. Oh, no.

[Maxwell House Coffee Announcer]

Seems like no matter how hard you try to go right, you sometimes go wrong in buying things. But that needn't happen when you buy coffee. No, ma'.

[Jim Anderson]

Am.

[Maxwell House Coffee Announcer]

Because the world's greatest coffee expert can tell you where to find the most for your money. The most in flavor and just plain pleasure. All you do is set a cup of Maxwell House coffee in front of your husband. He's the expert, we mean. And when he looks up at you with a smile and says, now that's a real cup of coffee, why, you'll know Maxwell House is your coffee buy. Find out tomorrow, bring home a familiar blue tin of Maxwell House and listen to your husband praise that wonderful good to the last drop flavor. And then count all the truly good cups of coffee you get from that £1. We think you'll be convinced Maxwell House Coffee gives you the most for your money because it's always good to the last drop.

[Jim Anderson]

It's morning now and breakfast time in the white frame house on Maple Street. There's a fragrant scent of coffee in the air. Crisp bacon frying in the skillet and father burning in the breakfast room like this.

[Margaret Anderson]

Books about birds can be very useful, can't they, dear?

[Jim Anderson]

Yes. Yes, I guess they can be. Please pass the toast, Kathy.

[Betty Anderson]

Here you are, Daddy. You know, in this light the sweater looks fine, doesn't it, Father?

[Jim Anderson]

Great. Butter, please.

[Son (possibly Bud or Vinnie)]

Say, dad, you know what Joe Phillips

[Margaret Anderson]

said to me last night?

[Jim Anderson]

I know, bud. What did Joe Phillips say to you last night?

[Son (possibly Bud or Vinnie)]

Anytime I want to sell my Joe DiMaggio glove, he'll give me a two dollar profit.

[Jim Anderson]

Good. May I please have the sugar?

[Son (possibly Bud or Vinnie)]

There you are, dad.

[Jim Anderson]

Thank you.

[Margaret Anderson]

Well, things seem to have worked out very well after all, haven't they?

[Jim Anderson]

Oh, yes, just fine. Pass the cream, please, Daddy. Yes, Kathy?

[Betty Anderson]

What are you going to do with your black nightgown?

[Jim Anderson]

Cream, please.

[Maxwell House Coffee Announcer]

Say, mom, if you have trouble getting your children to eat a hot cereal for breakfast, here's the perfect solution. Just serve them.

[Jim Anderson]

Hop along.

[Maxwell House Coffee Announcer]

Cassidy's favorite hot cereal.

[Jim Anderson]

Post wheat meal?

[Maxwell House Coffee Announcer]

Yes, post wheat meal. Just tell the youngsters how swell wheat meal tastes with a wonderful nut like flavor. Tell them how Hoppy gets plenty of real solid nourishment from that rich brown treat cooks in just three and a half minutes.

[Jim Anderson]

You'll see.

[Maxwell House Coffee Announcer]

You'll go along with hopalong it's the best hot cereal you ever ate.

[Jim Anderson]

Join us again next week when we'll be back with Father Knows Best, starring Robert Young as Jim Anderson, with Roy Barkey and the Maxwell House Orchestra and yours truly, Bill Foreman. So until next Thursday, good night and good luck from the makers of Maxwell House, America's favorite brand of coffee, always good to the last drop. Father Knows Best was transcribed in Hollywood and written by Ed James. Now stay tuned in for Dragnet, which follows immediately over most of these station.

[Maxwell House Coffee Announcer]

Yes, be sure to hear dragnet. And remember, bill bendix stars tomorrow on NBC.

[Narrator/Announcer]

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[Jim Anderson]

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