Fibber McGee And Molly 35-07-22 (0015) The Baseball Instructor

Summary

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Podcast Summary: Fibber McGee And Molly "The Baseball Instructor" (35-07-22)

Show: Harold's Old Time Radio
Date: September 12, 2025 (rebroadcast of a classic episode from 1935)
Episode Theme: Fibber McGee attempts to secure tickets and gain entry to the season opening baseball game, ultimately getting roped into teaching the mayor how to throw out the first pitch. Hijinks, one-liners, and a touch of wartime charity work fill this classic slice of radio comedy.

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Main Theme & Purpose

This episode of "Fibber McGee and Molly" revolves around baseball fever. Molly is determined to attend the opening game of the season, and McGee is tasked with finding a way into the sold-out park—be it by influence, cleverness, or chance. The show weaves together domestic banter, community involvement, and slapstick as McGee's efforts unravel, culminating in an unexpected opportunity: coaching the city’s mayor (Latrivia) to throw out the game’s first ball.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. The Quest for Baseball Tickets (02:49–06:00)

• Molly expresses excitement for the baseball opener, while McGee struggles to secure tickets.
  • Molly: “Why don’t you want to take me out the ball game? ... I love baseball.” (02:49)
  • McGee jokes: “If I can’t get in on a pass, I won’t go. Only the common people buy tickets.” (03:19)
• A neighbor, Mrs. Uppington, stops by with tickets—alas, not for today’s game (only Thursday's)—dashing their immediate hopes.

2. Wartime Charity and Social Responsibility (06:00–07:30)

• Mrs. Uppington discusses United China Relief, highlighting America and China’s shared struggle and the need for charitable support during the war.
  • Uppington: “China didn’t want this war any more than we did...They need $7 million urgently for civilian morale, medical and food supplies.” (06:43)
• Molly and McGee reflect on their relative contributions to the war effort, humorously noting the modesty of McGee’s own efforts.

3. Baseball Banter, Community Calls, and Gags (09:54–11:38)

• Discussion swirls around baseball trivia, local team heroes (Zernicke, “bought for $3,000”), and Molly’s impressive knowledge of the sport.
  • Molly (on Zernicke): “He’s a side winding sensation...got a curve that would fool a slow motion camera.” (04:29)
• The Old Timer visits, sharing outlandish stories from his days as a racehorse mascot, injecting animal humor and homespun wisdom.

4. Name That Colt, Johnson’s Salesman, and Product Tie-Ins (12:16–14:32)

• McGee tells a tall tale about trying different names on a family colt, which responds best to “phooey,” prompting jokes about the horse actually being Chinese.
• Johnson’s floor products are cleverly slipped into conversation via Harlow Wilcox, who “pitches” the wares with baseball metaphors.
  • Wilcox: “You’ll never get to first base with old fashioned methods of rubbing and scrubbing linoleum.” (13:56)

5. Visit from Mayor Latrivia—Baseball Instruction Begins (17:00–19:17)

• The mayor drops by, nervous about his upcoming ceremonial first pitch at the game. He hasn’t played since Chicago, 1919, and needs a refresher.
  • Molly instantly identifies baseball trivia and demonstrates her encyclopedic sports memory.

6. Slapstick Backyard Baseball Lessons (22:40–25:00)

• McGee takes Mayor Latrivia out for some backyard training—pitching, catching, and a few aching muscles.
  • Latrivia, exhausted: “Haven’t you got another catcher's mitt? My hand’s getting blistered. Hard to close.” (22:59)
  • McGee quips: “A politician who can’t close his hand might be a very good thing.” (23:05)
• Molly and McGee heckle and encourage the mayor as he struggles.

7. Classic Wimple: Domestic Silliness (25:08–26:59)

• Mr. Wimple appears, recounting the hazards of “playing catch” with his wife’s brother, and the perils of “Sweetie Face,” his comically fearsome wife.
  • Wimple deadpans: “Just this morning, she was down on her knees to me...begging me to come out from under the bed.” (26:27)

8. The Twisted Ending: McGee to the Rescue (27:16–28:31)

• The mayor is so worn out from McGee’s training he can’t lift his arm, so he asks McGee to throw out the first pitch instead.
  • Latrivia: “Will you represent me at the game today and throw out the first ball?” (27:53)
• McGee gladly accepts, getting the pass for a whole box—finally making good on his promise to get Molly to the game.

9. Ballpark Denouement and Final Laughs (29:47–30:10)

• McGee and Molly finally attend the game together. Molly wryly muses about McGee’s coaching methods and throws in one last under/overhand joke.
  • Molly: “Now I know why you spent all that time teaching me how to throw a ball. Underhanded.” (29:53)

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• Molly’s Deep Baseball Knowledge:
  • “He’s a side winding sensation...curve that would fool a slow motion camera.” – Molly (04:29)
  • “Who won the World Series in 1912, Molly?” – “Boston, four games, New York, three games, one tie game.” (18:05)
• Wartime Allegory:
  • “America and China are fighting the same gangster nation for the same ideals—for peace and honor and personal freedom.” – Mrs. Uppington (06:43)
• McGee’s Wit:
  • “If I felt any more sheepish, I’d rent myself out to jump over fences for people with insomnia.” (07:32)
  • “A politician who can’t close his hand might be a very good thing.” (23:05)
• Wimple’s Classic Domestic Humor:
  • “Just this morning, she was down on her knees to me, just begging...to come out from under the bed.” – Mr. Wimple (26:27)
• Meta-Baseball Gags:
  • Wilcox: “You’ll never get to first base with old fashioned methods of rubbing and scrubbing linoleum.” (13:56)

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Segment Timestamps of Interest

• [02:49] – Molly wants to go to the ball game; ticket quest begins.
• [04:29] – Molly shows off her baseball knowledge.
• [06:43] – Mrs. Uppington on United China Relief.
• [09:54] – Baseball banter and plans.
• [12:16] – “Naming the colt” story (animal humor).
• [13:56] – Harlow Wilcox’s product baseball pitch.
• [17:00] – Mayor Latrivia arrives; teaching baseball.
• [22:40] – Backyard baseball lessons begin.
• [25:08] – Mr. Wimple’s comic woes.
• [27:53] – Mayor taps McGee to throw the first pitch.
• [29:47] – McGee & Molly at the ballgame, final laughs.

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Language & Tone

• The tone is witty, fast-paced, and filled with gentle ribbing and wordplay, true to the golden age of radio scripted comedy.
• Molly is often the smart, dry-witted straight woman, while McGee’s bluster is met with his own comeuppance—and the supporting cast supplies snappy rejoinders and cheerful absurdity.

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Takeaway

In this lively, nostalgia-soaked episode, the quest for baseball tickets morphs into civic responsibility, self-deprecating sports lessons, and neighborly hijinks. McGee’s schemes backfire splendidly—yet through luck and timing, he delivers for Molly in the end. The episode is a testament to the warm domestic humor, civil spirit, and community rhythms of golden age radio, all sprinkled with period baseball lore.

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Transcript

[A]

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[B]

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[C]

Who cares?

[B]

Last night I read an interesting advertisement by a tire company telling car owners how to take better care of their tires to make them last. This seemed to me to be very helpful advertising and it suggested to me to make sure that every car owner also knows how easily he can take better care of the finish of his automobile with Johnson's Car New. Cleaning and polishing a car used to be a big job of those all day or at least half day affairs. But car new has done away with most of that hard work. Because carnu both cleans and polishes in one application. Two jobs at once in quick time. Carnue is a liquid polish. You massage it lightly over the car finish, let it dry, wipe it off. It cleans amazingly, brings back your car's original showroom shine. If you want added protection for that gleaming finish, if you want to save money on Car Washington, you can apply a coat of wax too. But first, do a double cleaning and polishing job with Johnson's Car New. Spell C? Nu Take me out to the ball game. Used to a very popular song. Particularly with Mrs. McGee of 79 west for Vista, who at this very moment is singing the old refrain to her husband. As we meet River McGee and Molly.

[D]

McGee. Why don't you want to take me out the ball game? It's the opening game of the season today and I love baseball.

[C]

But Molly, I called up and the park is sold out.

[D]

Oh, what of it? A man of your influence. You always said you could get in any place you wanted to. One way or another.

[C]

I can too. Oh, I can get in all right. But I wouldn't ask you to smuggle yourself into the ballpark in a beer truck.

[D]

Oh, McGee, come on. What are You, President of the Chamber of Commerce. For if you can't even get tickets to a ball game?

[C]

Tickets? Me?

[D]

Go to a ball game on a ticket? Why not?

[C]

If I can't get in on a pass, I won't go. Only the common people buy tickets.

[D]

Oh, yes. Well, I'm a common people, and I want to see that ball game.

[C]

Oh, gee whiz, Molly, I don't quite see how.

[D]

McGee, I'm challenging you.

[C]

You are, huh?

[D]

Yes, I am.

[C]

Okay, you're as good as in. Where do you want to sit?

[D]

Well, it doesn't matter. I stand up all the time anyway. I can holler. Better that way. Now, how do we get in?

[C]

Oh, I don't know. The details ain't important. But we'll be there. Don't worry.

[D]

Magee, at times like this, I almost admire you.

[C]

Well, how do you think I got where I am today if I didn't have imagination and stamina?

[D]

I don't know. Where are you? Say, and look, you better get busy now. The game's this afternoon, you know. Yeah, and I hope Zernicke pitches.

[C]

Who?

[D]

Zernicke. You know, the southpaw that wistful Vista bought for $3,000 in a shortstop from the Akron Acme and who spent four years in the Miners trying to straighten out his fast drop. You know, Czernicke.

[C]

I'm afraid I haven't followed the game as close as you, Molly. This Zernicke is pretty good, eh?

[D]

Good? Why, he's a side winding sensation, huh? He's got a curve that would fool a slow motion camera. And he steel faces like the Invisible Man. He's 29 years old and he has a batting average of.367. Born in Janesville, Ohio, and has a small mole on his left shoulder.

[C]

What was his grandmother's maiden name?

[D]

Princess Purple Prairie Dog. She was an Indian girl.

[C]

You seem to be kind of up on your baseball, Molly.

[D]

Well, I ought to be. I've been following baseball ever since I was old enough to throw a pop bottle. Remember before we were married, dearie?

[C]

If that's Judge Landis wanting some information, what'll I tell him?

[D]

Tell him he rang the right bell.

[C]

Okay. Come in.

[D]

Oh, it's Mrs. Uppington. Hello, Abigail. How do you do, Mrs. McGee. And Ms. McGee.

[C]

New Mrs. Hughes.

[D]

Did I just stop by to see if you could use a couple of tickets to the baseball game? I'm so busy I won't be able to go, so I thought you might use them. 70 days. Thank you, Abigail.

[C]

Yeah? What'd I tell you, Molly? There's a power that watches over me. You see, Effie, I promised Molly I'd get her into the game today. And when you came along and give.

[D]

Us tickets for that, well, these tickets are for Thursday's game. Mr. McGee, what power is watching over you today? Think back, mastermind.

[C]

I'll go. And my own power today.

[D]

Why can't you go to game, Abigail? Oh, nice club work. You know, Mrs. McGee, we have a guest for luncheon today who is going to talk to us about China. Oh, that ought to be interesting.

[C]

Oh, sure. Fascinating how you gals can sit there uppie and listen to a lot of burble about how to paint, forget me nots and cups and saucers when there's so much going on in the world today.

[D]

As usual, you have taken a running jump to an incorrect conclusion. Our guest is not speaking about cups and saucers. He represents the United China Relief, for which our organization is helping to raise a very necessary 7 million dollar fund. You'd better blush me.

[C]

I'm not. Sorry. Up here. While I've got my neck out, would you mind looking to see if I need a haircut?

[E]

You do.

[C]

Thanks.

[D]

Say, what about this United China relief, Abigail? Well, Mrs. McGee, China didn't want this war any more than we did. It was forced upon both of us. America and China are fighting the same gangster nation for the same ideals. Peace and honor and personal freedom. But China has been fighting our fight for five years, and now they need help. They need $7 million urgently for civilian morale, medical and food supplies. And I think it's up to us to help by subscribing generously to the United China Relief. We owe it to them, as we owe certain things to Japan. And I think they will both be paid.

[E]

Well.

[D]

Now, don't you feel just a little sheepish, dearie?

[C]

I sure do. If I felt any more sheepish, I'd rent myself out to jump over fences for people with insomnia. I didn't know she was doing such good work.

[D]

Indeed she is. She's doing a lot. Gives five days a week to the Red Cross, one day to canteen work, and she's bought $40,000 worth of United States War Savings Bonds.

[C]

Think I felt proud when I turned in that old toothpaste tube last night. Well, it just goes to show, one never can tell from where one sits how wrinkled one's pants are going to look when one stands up.

[D]

Well, McGee, where are we going to sit?

[C]

You sit on the davenport and I'll sit in the big chair here. I like to sit here because the ashbay is.

[D]

No, I. I don't mean where we're going to sit here. I mean out of the Boggin.

[C]

Oh. Oh, yes, the ballgame. Well, there's no rushing. Still got two hours and we can get there in 20 minutes.

[D]

Yeah, but it may take us an hour to find a hole in the fence.

[C]

What do you mean a hole in the fence? I says I'd get you into the ball game and buy the 40 flutes of the Philadelphia Philharmonic. I'll get you into the ball. Take it easy, Molly. I'm not.

[D]

Come in.

[E]

Hello there, kid. I brought you something.

[C]

Much a bite, Old Timer. But what is it?

[E]

Sack of alfalfa, huh? The Berillian's baby. I didn't think he'd want a rat or a silver cup with his missiles, huh? So brung him this.

[D]

Well, thank you, Mr. Old Timer. This is very thoughtful of you.

[E]

How's the kid doing?

[C]

Well, he's going to be a fine horse when he grows up. Might make a racehorse out of it.

[E]

Good for you, Johnny. Leave me alone. I'll help you train.

[D]

Oh, do you know something about training race horses, Mr. Old Timer?

[E]

Do either of you kids.

[C]

No.

[D]

No.

[E]

Yes, sir, I sure do. You know that all the big racehorses have a mascot that lives in the stable with them? A dog or a cat or goat or rooster or something.

[D]

Oh, yes, I've heard that.

[E]

Well, I was a mascot for a horse named Chester's Baby down in Louisville. Lived right there in the stable with him.

[C]

How'd you ever get a job like that?

[E]

I was just a stable boy at first, Johnny. Then the owner seen he needed a mascot, so he told the trainer, grab that old goat over there and put him in the store. Trainer was near sighted and bad knees. Natural mistake, I wanted to hear.

[D]

Then quite a career, Mr. Old Timer. Roommate for a racehorse, huh?

[E]

We were more than roommates, Cutter. We were sidekicks. He'd kick me in the back and I'd kick him in the side.

[C]

Learned to eat hay, Old Timer.

[E]

Nope.

[D]

Two kickers.

[E]

Feed it in a bunch and one straw at a time. Don't give enough nourishment. I'm like you, Johnny. I stick to the old corn. Well, call me.

[D]

You need a good trainer. By the way, dearie, did you go out and feed Lillian and her baby?

[B]

Sure.

[C]

And you know what that colt understands? Chinese.

[D]

Go.

[C]

Yeah.

[D]

What are you talking about? That horse is as American as baked beans.

[C]

I don't care. He knows Chinese. I was trying to think of a good name for him this morning. So I thought I'd try a few. And the one that got the best reaction was going to be the name.

[D]

And what was the name?

[C]

Well, sir, I tried Alfred and Homer and William and Bert and Paul and Cecil and Leonard and Sidney and all stuff like that there till I was a little horse myself. And all they'd do is Lillian would look at the colt and the colt would look at Lillian and they'd kind of shake their heads. So I got disgusted and says, ah, phooey. And they both started squealing. I tell you, that horse is Chinese.

[D]

Oh God. Well, this isn't getting us to the ball game. Now don't forget to promise you'd take. Oh, not a bit, Mr. Wilcox. Not a bit.

[C]

No, I was just getting ready to take Molly to the ball game.

[B]

Oh, are you a fan, Molly?

[D]

Well, yes, In a way, Mr. Wilcox.

[C]

In a way. Say, I'll bet she could tell you who the leading pitcher was in 1905.

[D]

What league? American Rube Wadell Athletics. Won 27, lost 10.

[C]

See?

[B]

Why, that's wonderful, Molly. You know, I used to play a little baseball myself.

[D]

Did you really, Ms. Wilcox? What?

[C]

Did you bat right handed? He means you're batting average, Wilcox. Even I know that.

[B]

Oh, well, I never figured it out. I pitched for the salesman's team of the Johnson Company back in Racine, Wisconsin. Been a big help to me ever since too.

[D]

How, Mr. Wisconsin?

[C]

Oh, Molly, you shouldn't have asked that.

[D]

Why not?

[C]

Why, that's the same as giving Lillian a handful of hay to keep for you overnight. But it's too late now. Why, Mr. Wilcox, did your baseball experience help you later on?

[B]

Well, I'm still on the home team, you know. Still in there pitching, telling housewives they'll never get to first base with old fashioned methods of rubbing and scrubbing linoleum.

[C]

See what I meant, Molly?

[B]

Yeah, why a short stop at your dealers for a can of Johnson self polishing gloat will result in a home run with efficiency and economy. You can just see Pop fly home to get a look at that gorgeous kitchen floor. Gleaming like a diamond with no rubbing and no buffing. You'll get your innings with more outings because blow coat saves you so much time and energy. Pitch your old mop tail out the window, girls, and get some Johnson's blow.

[C]

Coat right off the bat.

[F]

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[C]

Listen to old Gabby Hartnet will talk. All the baseball he ever played was for a handful of salesmen.

[D]

Didn't you ever try the big league?

[B]

Yes, once, but I quit after one season. What for? Well, the club started playing night games and I never was one to play around in nightclubs. Well, I'll see you later.

[D]

Say, why didn't you ask him what he could do towards getting us into the game this afternoon?

[C]

He hasn't got any drag except with housewives. If I wanted a piece of sponge cake or something, I'd go to him. But for ball games and stuff we gotta contact the sporting elders. Now let me see. I Think a better way for us.

[D]

Oh, come in. Oh, hello, Mayor Latrivia.

[C]

Hi, Latrie. I'm glad you arrived.

[B]

Good day, Mr. McGee.

[C]

Oh, why are you glad, McGee? I wanted to talk to you about the ball game. You see, that's odd.

[B]

I'm on my way out there very shortly and it's getting so much warmer. I wondered if you'd mind if I left my top coat here. I don't like to leave it in my car.

[D]

Oh, of course. Mr. Mayor, are you a baseball fan?

[B]

Oh, not much, I'm afraid. The last game I saw in Chicago in about 1919. I remember that because it was my birthday. June 17th.

[D]

Ah, June 17th, 1919. When you saw Frankie Fris.

[B]

I did?

[D]

Of course. You did that. At his first major league game, McGraw sent him in in the ninth inning to bat for Hal Chase against Grover Cleveland. Alexander Paxton was playing center field for Chicago.

[B]

Good heavens, woman, how do you remember all that?

[D]

Why, everybody knows that.

[C]

Ain't she wonderful at trivia? Who won the world series in 1912? Molly?

[D]

Boston. Boston, four games, New York, three games, one tie game.

[B]

Amazing.

[D]

It's no such a thing, really. I just take an interest in the game at all.

[C]

Didn't you ever play baseball in college and Phil?

[B]

No, I was a morning kind. Taught mental work. Indeed. You see, I specialized in lisp.

[D]

In what?

[B]

Lisp.

[C]

You were all the time.

[B]

Were what?

[E]

Lit.

[B]

Of course not. Lit is merely the abbreviation for literature.

[C]

Just the same, I should think you'd have to have a clear head for that kind of work.

[B]

I did. Did?

[C]

Yes.

[D]

Well, how could you? Lit all the time?

[B]

I was not lit all the time. I was a very young man.

[C]

Well, I should think you would be with all those professors around. Catch on.

[B]

Catch on for what?

[D]

You know, you being lit.

[E]

I tell you that lit stands for literature.

[C]

Yes, but. But did the literary guy stand for you being lit?

[E]

Can't you get it through your head, McGee?

[B]

1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10.

[D]

What was that for?

[B]

I promised myself next time we got into one of these things, I told myself I would not give way to anger. Besides, I have a mission to perform this afternoon. And I wish to present as cheerful a base as public. To the public. I mean, I wish to present her.

[D]

What's the mission, Mr. Mayor?

[B]

As mayor, I have to throw out the first ball.

[C]

I thought you never played baseball.

[B]

That's correct. I never did.

[D]

You know how to throw, Mr. Latribian?

[B]

Oh, I fancy I shall make out all right, Mrs. McGee. One just raises one's Arm like this and.

[C]

No, no, no, no. Look, Latrivia, stand sideways like this. Then wind up a little. Hey, wait a minute, McGee.

[D]

Where are you going?

[C]

I'm going to find my baseball and catcher's mitt. Then I'm going to take latrivia out in the backyard and show him how to toss a baseball. I ain't going to have our mayor disgrace himself out there at the ballpark.

[B]

Oh, really, McGar. Well, this is very decent of you, I'm sure.

[D]

Not at all, not at all. Now we ought to whistle business. Did you find your ball, dearie?

[C]

No, but I think I know right where it is.

[D]

Where?

[C]

Right here in the hall closet.

[D]

Ah, my, my. Don't things accumulate f.

[B]

The king's men and blues in the night?

[E]

My mammy done told me when I was in Nepal My mammy done told me thought a woman will sweet talk and give you the big eyes but when that sweet talk is done a woman's a street you fade a worrisome thing leave you to sing the blues Blues, blues, blues in my mind now the rain is falling hear the train are calling Hooey, hooey, hooey Here's a lonesome whistle low and cross the trestle Hooey, hooey, hooey A hooey to hooey ho click is echoing back the blues.

[C]

In the night.

[E]

Crying from Natchez to Mobile from Memphis to St. Joe wherever the fog wind may blow I've been to some big towns and heard me some big talk he said but there is one thing I own a woman a two face a worrisome thing will leave you to sing the blues in the night My mammy done call me for and brother, I tell you so help me I got the blues in the eye.

[C]

Okay, Laivia, you're catching on pretty good. Now throw me a fast one.

[B]

All right, McGee, here it comes.

[C]

That's better. Much better. How's he doing, Molly?

[D]

I don't know why you're keeping him out of Darius. He does all right. And the poor man's retard. He can hardly stand up.

[C]

Ah, it's good. How are you feeling, Latrivia?

[B]

Pretty tired.

[C]

Me?

[B]

Haven't you got another catch of mitt? I ball pretty hard. My hand's getting blistered. Hard to close.

[C]

Gee, I'm sorry, Latruvia. This is the only mitt I got. Anyway, a politician who can't close his hand might be a very good thing.

[E]

All right, let's try it again.

[D]

Here she comes, McGee. Now you can Throw better than that. You didn't come anywhere near him. He's had to shag every one of those throws.

[C]

I know, I know. I'm limbering him up.

[D]

Yeah. Oh, dose, McGee. There's Uncle Dennis upstairs in the window. He's been watching you in the Mayor.

[C]

Yeah, look at him licking his chalk.

[D]

What's that for?

[C]

Those last three La Tribiatoffs were highball. Okay, Latrivia, let me have another one now. And remember what I've been telling you.

[E]

Wind up like this.

[C]

Yeah. Only don't raise your hand like you were going to slap somebody's sassy face. Swing your arm out more to the side.

[B]

Very well, McGee.

[C]

I'll try to get in.

[B]

I'm just incredibly tired.

[D]

Oh, come on now, Mr. Mayor. Right over the plate.

[E]

Watch.

[C]

Plate. Never mind, never mind. Just throw it, Le Trivia. And remember the instructions. Wind up. Throw your left leg up for balance, bring your arm way back, and then kind of push the ball at me.

[E]

Ready?

[C]

Ready. Ah, that's much better, Latrivia, much better. You can put your left leg down again now. Here it comes.

[D]

Same. Guess it's pretty good in the heat, considering he does it with his eye shut.

[C]

Mal, I ain't suiting you. Okay, Lieutenant.

[D]

Ready?

[B]

I'd like to rest a minute.

[C]

No, no, no.

[D]

Keep swinging that arm.

[C]

You don't want to get cooled off. Come on now, try it again.

[B]

Well, you ready, McGee?

[C]

Shoot the spear to me, dear.

[D]

Now, that was very good.

[E]

It was. Really.

[C]

Yes, it was, Octavia. I only had to run 7 or 8ft for that one. At least you'll be able to keep the ball in the ballpark. Now, let's try it another 15 or 20 minutes, and then I think we'll do it.

[D]

Lucky dude, huh? Here comes Mr. Wimple. Maybe you better rest a few minutes, Mr. Mayor.

[B]

Oh, thank you. Good heavens. I hadn't realized that baseball was such a strengthless game. I'm just about.

[C]

Oh. Oh, hello, Mr. Wimple.

[D]

Hello, folks. Good afternoon, Mr. Wimble.

[C]

Want to play a little ball with us for a while?

[D]

Win? Oh, no, thank you. I really had all the bait ball I wanted. Yesterday, Te Face's brother was over at our house and they were selling catch with you.

[B]

Did you use a hard ball like this, Wanda Wimple?

[C]

Oh, they didn't use the ball. They were playing catch with me.

[D]

Heavenly days. That must have been fairly rough, Mr. Whimper. I didn't mind, Mrs. McGee, but when Cyrus, that student Face is brown. When Cyrus suggested that you get a bat and knock a few flies to.

[C]

See the face of cat?

[D]

I just ran like the dickens.

[C]

You ever meet Sweetie Face Pacific?

[B]

No, I don't believe I ever have.

[D]

I don't believe she goes out much, does she, Mr. Wimple?

[C]

Oh, yes, quite a bit.

[D]

Besides, Sweetie Face loves to get out.

[C]

And mangle with people. You mean mingle? Oh, I do, do I.

[B]

This wife of yours must be quite a character.

[D]

She really is, Mr. Mayor. Oh, now, let's not all talk about her like that.

[C]

She isn't so bad.

[D]

She even feels terrible after she treats me badly.

[C]

She does? Oh, yes, indeed.

[D]

By just this morning, she was down on her knees to me, just begging. Oh, not really. Really, Mrs. McGee. Down on her knees with a flat iron just begging me to come out from under the. I won't interrupt you any longer. I have to be getting down to jail.

[E]

Jail?

[C]

What you going to jail for? Win.

[D]

I'm going to be locked up.

[C]

I called him and told him I was coming.

[D]

Oh, but what on earth did you do? I just like she was face with a baseball bag.

[B]

Good heavens, ma', am, did you hurt her?

[C]

No.

[D]

That's why I wanted to be locked up. Well, shall we go on with the lessons, Mr. Latrivius?

[B]

I'd rather not, if you don't mind. Though. I really do appreciate this, Mickey. It was very sporting of you.

[D]

Oh, not at all, Mr. Mayor. Here, now, here's your coat.

[E]

Oh, thanks, Roy.

[C]

What's the matter?

[E]

Latvia.

[B]

Why? Right. I can't raise it up.

[D]

Oh, it's just a little stiff, Mr. Mayor. Try again. Here, I'll hold the sleeve of your coat for you. Now.

[E]

No, no, no, no, no. It's so useless.

[B]

I can't lift that arm. And I. I can't go. I'm too lame. I'm tore all over my armpit, my leg. I've got to get to a doctor. Will you do something for me?

[D]

What is it, Mr. Mayor?

[C]

Why, just name it.

[B]

Latrivia.

[C]

I'll do anything on account of I feel kind of responsible for this.

[B]

I hate to ask you to do this. Will you represent me at the game today and throw out the first ball?

[C]

Now. Gee whiz. Just because I'm president of the Chamber of Commerce. Well, all right, I'll do it. You got a pass to the ballpark or something?

[B]

Yes, it's right here in my pocket.

[E]

You.

[B]

You get it?

[C]

I already got it, Matrius. And it's for a whole box. I see.

[B]

So I'll take Molly, take her, take anybody. Now, help me out to my car, will you? I don't Believe I can walk around.

[D]

I'm sorry, mister. I ain't got time now.

[E]

Just got time to get out to the ballpark.

[C]

Now, come on, Molly, let's hurry.

[D]

But, McGee.

[E]

Poor Mayor Latvia is no go. Go on, Mrs. McGee.

[B]

I'll be all right.

[D]

Yeah, come on, Molly McGee.

[C]

You wanted to get out to the ball game, didn't you? I told you I'd get you in, didn't I? Well, come on.

[E]

Go on with trivia. Take it.

[B]

Last time you were in the kitchen, did you happen to notice the floor? Was it clean and sparkling and cheerful, or was it a little on the dull and gloomy side? You know, it's so easy to take care of your linoleum floors with Johnson Self Polishing Blow Coat. It's as simple as this. Just apply and let dry. Flo Coat polishes itself while it's drying without any rubbing or buffing. And did you know that linoleum protected regularly with loco will last five to 10 times longer than if it's unprotected? With all of us looking for opportunities to save and ways to take better care of our things, it's good judgment to protect all linoleum surfaces with Johnson Self Polishing.

[C]

Gloat.

[B]

Be sure to get the original and genuine Gloco.

[D]

Take it easy, Jerry.

[E]

Keep waiting for everyone.

[D]

Win your own game.

[C]

You enjoying the game, Molly?

[D]

Oh, I certainly am, McGee. But you know, I keep worrying about Mayor Latrian.

[C]

Ah, he's all right.

[D]

I know now why you spend all that time teaching me how to throw a ball. Underhanded.

[C]

Overhand.

[D]

It was underhand.

[C]

Oh, I see what you mean.

[D]

Well, I thought you would, because here it comes.

[E]

Barry Heath, ram it out of the park.

[C]

Good night.

[D]

Good night, all.

[B]

This is Harlow Wilcox speaking for the makers of Johnson Wax finishes for the home and industry, inviting you to join us again next Tuesday night.

[C]

Good night.

[B]

This program came to you from Hollywood. This is the National Broadcasting Company. This is Chicago WMAQ.

[G]

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