Fibber McGee And Molly 36-01-13 (0040) Master Of The Kennel

Summary

Podcast Summary: Harold's Old Time Radio
Episode: Fibber McGee And Molly 36-01-13 (0040) Master Of The Kennel
Release Date: July 14, 2025

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Introduction

In this classic episode of Fibber McGee and Molly, titled "Master Of The Kennel," listeners are transported back to the Golden Age of Radio. The episode humorously captures Fibber McGee's latest endeavor to secure employment, leading to a series of comedic misunderstandings and mishaps. Hosted by Harolds Old Time Radio, this episode blends witty dialogue, charming characters, and timeless humor, all set against the backdrop of suburban domestic life.

Main Plot

The central storyline revolves around Fibber McGee's desperate quest to obtain a job. After selling his store for much-needed rest, Fibber's wife, Molly, insists that he must find employment to avoid being labeled a loafer. The tension between Fibber and Molly sparks a lighthearted debate about work ethic, responsibility, and societal expectations.

Key Scenes and Discussions

The Argument at Home (03:17 - 06:54)

The episode opens with Molly McGee confronting Fibber about his lack of employment. At [04:11], Molly states, "Heavenly days. You can't just sit around the house all your life. There's nothing like good, honest labor, is there, silly?" This sets the stage for Fibber's reluctant agreement to seek a job, albeit in his uniquely fibbing style.

Fibber humorously responds to Molly's expectations, highlighting his lack of traditional job qualifications:

"[04:37] Fibber McGee: Well, that's why I sold it. So to get a little rest. I'll tell you, Molly. I'll get me a job at the racetrack this summer. Accountant."

The Misadventure to the Employment Bureau (11:07 - 26:54)

Determined to find work, Fibber and Molly visit the Wistful Vista Employment Bureau, accompanied by their attentive but somewhat clueless servant, Silly Watson. This segment is rife with comedic errors, including Fibber mistakenly applying for a dog trainer position instead of a tutor.

At [17:14], Harlow Wilcox, the radio announcer, provides a humorous summary:

"Well, here's the wire-haired wonder Fibber McGee as he and Molly are chauffeured to his new job by Silly Watson. Now, he doesn't know that he has the wrong address. Where they want a children's tutor and not a dog trainer."

Fibber's exaggerated tales of his past as a dog trainer add to the humor:

"[15:18] Fibber McGee: My shuck, sis. That's me. I used to be an expert dog trainer."

The Interview Gone Wrong (20:06 - 26:54)

Upon arriving at what he believes to be a kennel, Fibber realizes the mistake when Mrs. Cuppenheim greets him expecting a tutor. The ensuing conversation exposes Fibber's ineptitude in dog training, leading to his swift exit. Highlights include Fibber's convoluted explanations of dog care and Mrs. Cuppenheim's growing frustration:

"[23:00] Fibber McGee: You know, like knowing where to scratch 'em behind the ears or onto the stomach and seed. And you gotta give them a bath every month."

At [26:54], the situation culminates with the arrival of Harlow Wilcox to rectify the mistake, adding another layer of comedic misunderstanding.

Notable Quotes with Timestamps

• [04:11] Molly McGee: "Heavenly days. You can't just sit around the house all your life. There's nothing like good, honest labor, is there, silly?"

• [05:07] Fibber McGee: "But Chuck's the grasshopper. Had a lot more fun, Molly."

• [14:04] Molly McGee: "Magee, you would know a Bermuda beagle from a Greyhound bus?"

• [22:03] Fibber McGee: "I'll take care of them. I'll have them frisking around here like nothing and no time. You got gloat onto the kitchen floor, ma'."

• [25:20] Molly McGee: "How about sending us to dancing school?"

• [27:00] Mrs. Cuppenheim: "A radio announcement?"

• [31:05] Bubba Wallace: "Lying is an art, not a profession. And this practice, even by its most ardent students, as a labor of love."

Character Interactions

• Fibber McGee: The lovable, if somewhat inept, protagonist whose fibs and misadventures drive the episode's humor.

• Molly McGee: Fibber's practical and often exasperated wife, pushing him towards responsibility with a blend of love and sternness.

• Silly Watson: The well-meaning but bumbling servant, adding to the chaos with his attempts to assist.

• Mrs. Cuppenheim: The no-nonsense employer at the Employment Bureau, serving as the perfect foil to Fibber's antics.

• Harlow Wilcox: The radio announcer who interjects with humorous advertisements and narrative commentary, maintaining the episode's pacing and comedic tone.

Insights and Themes

The episode satirizes the societal pressures to maintain employment and the lengths to which individuals might go to secure a job, often leading to humorous outcomes. It explores themes of responsibility, identity, and the fine line between truth and fabrication—embodied by Fibber's constant fibbing. Additionally, it highlights the dynamics of domestic life and marital relationships through Molly and Fibber's interactions.

Conclusion

"Master Of The Kennel" delivers the quintessential Fibber McGee and Molly experience, blending sharp wit, charming characters, and situational comedy. Fibber's journey from unemployment to an unintended job interview showcases the timeless humor and enduring appeal of this beloved radio duo. Listeners are left entertained by Fibber's fibs, Molly's practicality, and the seamless interplay of supporting characters, all wrapped in the nostalgic ambiance of the Golden Age of Radio.

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Notable Advertisements Skipped:

• Chumba Casino Promotions
• Johnson's Wax Advertisements
• Shopify and Expedia Commercials

These segments were omitted to maintain focus on the episode's main content and narrative flow.

Transcript

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[Harlow Wilcox]

The JOHNSON Wax Program. Good evening, everyone. The makers of Johnson's Wax present a melodious medley of modern music and magnificent McGee mendacity. With Rico Marcelli's orchestra and Marion and Jim as our premier proponents of Preposterous prevarication. Fibber McGee and Molly Marcelli starts off with Cosi Kosa. Wrap it up, Rico.

[Mrs. Kuppenheim]

Sam.

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[Mrs. Kuppenheim]

Sam.

[Fibber McGee]

You don't have to start to love them there because it goes off. Does it mean yes? No. Does it mean no? Well, yes and no.

[Harlow Wilcox]

Cuz it together is very all. At the McGee home at 79 Wistful Vista, an argument of long standing is being continued. The topic is, shall McGee or shall McGee not go get himself a job? Molly has the affirmative side, and, well, guess who takes the negative. Silly Watson is an attentive listener. As he polishes the furniture in the living room.

[Molly McGee]

I'm telling you, Magee, you got to do something. Heavenly days. You can't just sit around the house all your life. There's nothing like good, honest labor, is there, silly?

[Mrs. Kuppenheim]

Why?

[Molly McGee]

I says there's nothing like good, honest labor, now is there?

[Fibber McGee]

No, ma'.

[Silly Watson]

Am.

[Fibber McGee]

That's the worst thing. What there is. You hear that, Molly? Old Phil's got the right idea.

[Molly McGee]

Oh, he has, McGee, you haven't done a stroke of work since you sold the store.

[Fibber McGee]

Well, that's why I sold it. So to get a little rest. I'll tell you, Molly. I'll get me a job at the racetrack this summer. Accountant.

[Mrs. Kuppenheim]

Accountant.

[Molly McGee]

And what do you know about accountants?

[Fibber McGee]

Accounting. I like the horses.

[Mrs. Kuppenheim]

You get it?

[Fibber McGee]

I see. Yes, ma'.

[Mrs. Kuppenheim]

Am.

[Molly McGee]

You're missing the side of the desk there. If you're going to polish the furniture, do it right.

[Mrs. Kuppenheim]

Yes, ma'. Am.

[Molly McGee]

Now then, Magee, you know the old story of the ant and the grasshopper? Twas the ant that worked hard and come off better in the end.

[Fibber McGee]

But Chuck's the grasshopper. Had a lot more fun, Molly.

[Molly McGee]

Well, that ain't the point, Magee. You know that fable? Silly.

[Mrs. Kuppenheim]

What?

[Fibber McGee]

You know, the old fable?

[Molly McGee]

Silly fable, Boss?

[Fibber McGee]

Dad Reddit, you know what a fable is, don't you?

[Mrs. Kuppenheim]

Oh, yes, sir.

[Molly McGee]

Fable.

[Fibber McGee]

My old man is boss. Your old man is what?

[Molly McGee]

Fable. He's so fable he can't hardly walk. Heavenly days. This is getting us nowhere, McGee. Tain't good for you to be sitting around doing nothing. You want folks to be calling you a loafer?

[Fibber McGee]

Who's calling Fibber McGee a loafer?

[Molly McGee]

Everybody will be.

[Fibber McGee]

You Sil, you call me a loafer? What you calling me a loafer? No, sir, boss, not.

[Mrs. Kuppenheim]

Not me.

[Fibber McGee]

I ain't calling you one, even if you is one, Boss. No, it's not me.

[Molly McGee]

El, why don't you go down to the Wistful Vista Employment Bureau, McGee? You says you would after the first of the year, you know.

[Fibber McGee]

What day is this?

[Molly McGee]

The 13th.

[Mrs. Kuppenheim]

Uh.

[Fibber McGee]

Oh, you know, bad luck, boss.

[Molly McGee]

Oh, nonsense, silly.

[Fibber McGee]

Now, how far is this here employment bureau anyhow?

[Molly McGee]

Well, it'd be about far enough so if you was on your way there and you had a radio in the car, you'd hear the music goes round and round seven times.

[Fibber McGee]

I see. About three blocks now. Come on, Phil, we're off. What? I says we're off. If you is going to work when y' all don't have to, boss, you sure is off. Never mind the wise faction. Get your hat and come on. But boss.

[Molly McGee]

You ain't going to get.

[Fibber McGee]

Me a job, is you, Chuck? I probably ain't even going to get me one. But you got to chauffeur me down there to the employment bureau.

[Molly McGee]

Heavenly days. Chauffeur you down to get a job. Wait till I get the atomizer and I'll come with you.

[Fibber McGee]

Atomizer? What fur?

[Molly McGee]

So just they give you a job with a pick and shovel, you won't have to spit on your hands.

[Mrs. Kuppenheim]

Sam.

[Ryan]

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[Mrs. Kuppenheim]

A woohooer?

[Fibber McGee]

A hand clapper?

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[Harlow Wilcox]

That was Marcelli and his men playing lady of the evening and going from lady of the evening to gentleman. In the afternoon, we find Fibber Magee and Molly chauffeured by Silly Watson, approaching the Wistful Vista employment bureau.

[Molly McGee]

Straighten your time, McGee.

[Fibber McGee]

Huh? What fur?

[Molly McGee]

Well, you want to make a good impression, don't you? Where is it, Billy?

[Fibber McGee]

Why, where is this here employment place, Sill? And the Lord God place? Right over there, boss. Up upstairs. Upstairs, huh?

[Mrs. Kuppenheim]

Yes.

[Fibber McGee]

Why are all employment joints on the second floor, Chucks? It's bad enough to have to go get a job without climbing up to the second floor.

[Molly McGee]

Pull over there, Timmy.

[Fibber McGee]

Yes, ma'.

[Mrs. Kuppenheim]

Am.

[Fibber McGee]

Gotta get them brakes fixed. You stay down here and watch the car, Sil, so's nobody will steal it.

[Mrs. Kuppenheim]

Yes, sir.

[Fibber McGee]

But I don't reckon y' all have to worry much about that, boss.

[Molly McGee]

Hurry up, McGee.

[Fibber McGee]

Now don't rush me, Molly Chucks. I ain't got many more hours of freedom left. Don't go away, Sil. No.

[Molly McGee]

For heaven's sake, McGee, try and talk sense.

[Silly Watson]

Good afternoon. What can I do for you?

[Fibber McGee]

You haven't got a margin.

[Silly Watson]

Please, please, one at a time.

[Fibber McGee]

Well, I'll tell you, sis. My name's Fiber McGee and I come down here to see if you got any kind of.

[Silly Watson]

Excuse me a minute. The mailman. Have you got anything for us today, mailman?

[Harlow Wilcox]

Yes, I have. Seven letters.

[Silly Watson]

Seven letters?

[Harlow Wilcox]

Yes. G, L, O, C, O, A T. Seven letters that spell a new, easy method of keeping your floors and linoleum shining like new. Why, you just pour a little glow coat onto the Floor and spread it lightly over the surface with a soft cloth or the long handled Glo coat applier. You don't have to bear down or rub it in. You don't have to do any rubbing or buffing. Blow coat dries in 20 minutes and shines as it dries, making your floors and linoleum sparkle like new dirt. Can't stick to the beautiful bright polish. Soiled spots can be easily wiped away. Order Johnson's blow coat from a nearby dealer and ever after you'll have better looking floors and much less work. Here are your letters, madam.

[Silly Watson]

Thanks. Is that all today?

[Harlow Wilcox]

Yeah. No. Here's a postcard. Let me see. It says, hope you're saving up to 1/3 by buying the large size can. Well, goodbye madam.

[Fibber McGee]

There goes old Harpo, still holding the bag.

[Silly Watson]

What was it you wish me?

[Molly McGee]

Husband here wants the job.

[Silly Watson]

Got a trade.

[Fibber McGee]

Got a trade? What?

[Silly Watson]

I mean, what kind of work do you want?

[Fibber McGee]

Oh, well, well, let's see, sis. I sold smoked glasses for the last eclipse. And I had the popcorn contestant at the last Republican convention.

[Silly Watson]

I bet you can hardly wait for Halle's comment. What's the name please?

[Molly McGee]

Fibber.

[Silly Watson]

I said name, not occupation.

[Fibber McGee]

Oh, smart, eh? Well, that's the name, sis. Piver. McGee.

[Mrs. Kuppenheim]

Barn.

[Fibber McGee]

What do you think? Well, shuck, Molly, she snapped at me.

[Silly Watson]

Be your aunt.

[Mrs. Kuppenheim]

What's that?

[Silly Watson]

I say, what's the your age?

[Fibber McGee]

Oh, well, sir, I'm too old for the Boy Scout plan and too young for the Townsend plan. You get it, Molly?

[Molly McGee]

I said, ah, tain't funny to me.

[Fibber McGee]

Okay.

[Silly Watson]

Savor's man?

[Fibber McGee]

Yep. I was in the cavalry. That's right. Cavalry. How'd you know, sis?

[Silly Watson]

By the horse setters. What kind of work do you want?

[Fibber McGee]

Light.

[Molly McGee]

He just wants something to keep him occupied, miss. What is there offered?

[Silly Watson]

Well, we got. Let's see. We got a call for a dishwasher.

[Molly McGee]

What does it say?

[Silly Watson]

Dollar a day and meals.

[Fibber McGee]

Meals? How many?

[Silly Watson]

Oh, I don't know. It's out to the witsful district. Topless number seven.

[Mrs. Kuppenheim]

George.

[Silly Watson]

Give it to populous proprietor.

[Fibber McGee]

Skip it, sis. I ate there once. What? They needed somebody to eat the dishes and wash the food. What else you got?

[Silly Watson]

What do you know about dogs?

[Harlow Wilcox]

Hot or cold?

[Fibber McGee]

I mean, what kind of dog? Sid? Somebody want a chiropodist?

[Silly Watson]

No. Toppenheim Kennels wants a dog trainer. Very good salary and all expenses. But the applicant has got to be an expert dog trainer.

[Fibber McGee]

My shuck, sis. That's me. I used to be an expert dog trainer.

[Molly McGee]

Magee, you would Know a Bermuda beagle from a Greyhound bus?

[Fibber McGee]

Yes, sir, Sis. They used to call me Pedigree McGee when I run the kennels in Pittsburgh for hunting dogs.

[Harlow Wilcox]

Pedigree McGee, the prize promoter of Perfect.

[Fibber McGee]

Pointer Pet Pops at Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania.

[Silly Watson]

Patty got any references?

[Fibber McGee]

What you mean reference?

[Molly McGee]

She means, who'll vouch for you, Miggy?

[Fibber McGee]

Oh, shuck. Just ask anybody, sis. And if they say they never heard a pedigree McGee, you can dis put it down to professional jealousy. Why? Did you ever hear the Hound of the Baskerville?

[Mrs. Kuppenheim]

What about it?

[Fibber McGee]

I trained him.

[Silly Watson]

Say, you didn't get anything on the brain training water spaniels, did you?

[Fibber McGee]

I don't get it, sis, but I had a great day.

[Mrs. Kuppenheim]

Never mind.

[Silly Watson]

Never mind. You got the job, you get it. Here, take your slip and go to 119 West Elk street, the Coppenheim Kennels.

[Molly McGee]

What's the charge meant?

[Silly Watson]

We deduct 50% of the first week's salary.

[Mrs. Kuppenheim]

Good luck.

[Fibber McGee]

Thanks, sis. But don't worry about me. I can handle it.

[Molly McGee]

You'll soon have them dogs eaten off your hand or your leg. Good day to you, man.

[Mrs. Kuppenheim]

Good day.

[Silly Watson]

Give me Mr. Smith's office, please. Mrs. Smith. I just sent somebody to the Koppenheim Kennels. Wa.

[Mrs. Kuppenheim]

No.

[Silly Watson]

He's just a big bag of wind, but at least we'll get half of his first week's check. And he ain't gonna last much longer than that. Yeah. WA119 West Elk Street Hua.

[Mrs. Kuppenheim]

Why, that.

[Silly Watson]

That's Mrs. Koppenheim.

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[Silly Watson]

She wanted a tutor for her two children.

[Mrs. Kuppenheim]

Oh, for the love of might. I sent him to the wrong cup.

[Silly Watson]

And.

[Harlow Wilcox]

Well, here's the wire haired wonder fibber McGee as he and Molly are chauffeured to his new job by silly Watson. Now, he doesn't know that he has the wrong address. Where they want a children's tutor and not a dog trainer. Now, here they are approaching the house.

[Molly McGee]

Why, m. It's a real nice house for raising dogs.

[Fibber McGee]

Oh, I don't know, Molly. Dogs appreciates nice things as much as humans.

[Molly McGee]

Where's the candles?

[Fibber McGee]

I'll be around in the back. You coming in with me, Molly?

[Molly McGee]

Oh, I don't believe I. Oh, shucks.

[Fibber McGee]

Come on. Well, okay.

[Molly McGee]

Go ahead and ring the knocker.

[Fibber McGee]

This is the joint, all right. They got Cuppenheim on the mailbox.

[Molly McGee]

Well, it don't look like a dog house to me, Miggy.

[Mrs. Kuppenheim]

How do you do?

[Fibber McGee]

You Mrs. Kuppenheim?

[Mrs. Kuppenheim]

Yes.

[Molly McGee]

This is the man from the Wistful Vista Employment agency.

[Mrs. Kuppenheim]

Man? Oh, oh, yes, yes, the tutor. Come right in.

[Fibber McGee]

Is that my tutor? Must have some high class hounds here.

[Harlow Wilcox]

Careful.

[Mrs. Kuppenheim]

Please sit down. Oh, this lady is.

[Fibber McGee]

Oh, this is my. This is Mrs. McGee, ma'.

[Mrs. Kuppenheim]

Am.

[Fibber McGee]

I brung her along to show you I was a married man and responsible. And not no young whippersnapper to go around running around nights and necking the cook.

[Mrs. Kuppenheim]

Oh, I. I see. Yes, that's. That's fine.

[Molly McGee]

Right is a lovely house, miss. Is Coppenheim.

[Mrs. Kuppenheim]

Coppenheim, please.

[Fibber McGee]

Cuff Molly, not puff. Natural mistake, though. Mama. Ain't funny, McGee.

[Mrs. Kuppenheim]

I. I feel that a nice environment is essential to the proper education of my little one.

[Fibber McGee]

You mean you raise them in the house, ma'?

[Molly McGee]

Am.

[Mrs. Kuppenheim]

And where did you think?

[Molly McGee]

Well, we thought that. You know how they are when they get rambunctious, ma', am, Please.

[Mrs. Kuppenheim]

My little ones never get, as you say, rambunctious.

[Fibber McGee]

Where are the little pups, ma'?

[Mrs. Kuppenheim]

Am? The what?

[Molly McGee]

Them little ones that you were talking about. Me husband is anxious to get acquainted with her.

[Mrs. Kuppenheim]

Oh, I see. Yes, quite natural. Well, they're having their afternoon nap upstairs.

[Fibber McGee]

Afternoon nap, huh? How old are they, ma'?

[Mrs. Kuppenheim]

Am, One is nearly a year old and the other is two and a half. Now, what daily routine would you recommend for the little darlings, may I ask? Huh?

[Molly McGee]

Boy, she means how would you learn them to do things, McGee?

[Fibber McGee]

Oh, well, sir, my usual system goes something like this. Sister first, I. But listen, these are pretty well behaved.

[Harlow Wilcox]

Quite.

[Mrs. Kuppenheim]

Certainly housebroke. I beg your pardon?

[Molly McGee]

You know, sometimes it takes a long while, ma'.

[Mrs. Kuppenheim]

Am.

[Molly McGee]

Go on, McGee, tell Mrs. Poppenheim how to train him.

[Fibber McGee]

Okay. Well, sir, in the first place, you gotta get their affection.

[Mrs. Kuppenheim]

Quite true, quite true.

[Fibber McGee]

You know, like knowing where to scratch em behind the ears or onto the stomach and seed. And you gotta give them a bath every month.

[Mrs. Kuppenheim]

Every month?

[Molly McGee]

Why, sure. If you wash them oftener their skin gets dry.

[Fibber McGee]

You betcha. Then they gotta be taught not to take no food from strangers.

[Mrs. Kuppenheim]

Why, why, certainly. Why, sure.

[Molly McGee]

Otherwise one of the neighbors is liable to poison them.

[Mrs. Kuppenheim]

Good heaven.

[Fibber McGee]

Oh, don't. Don't worry, ma'.

[Mrs. Kuppenheim]

Am.

[Fibber McGee]

I'll take care of them. I'll have them frisking around here like nothing and no time. You got gloat onto the kitchen floor, ma'.

[Mrs. Kuppenheim]

Am. Well, I don't see what that has to do with it.

[Fibber McGee]

So as their little nails won't scratch it so easy, ma'.

[Mrs. Kuppenheim]

Am. I see. Now then, do I understand that you are competent to instruct them in all branches of study?

[Fibber McGee]

You betcha.

[Mrs. Kuppenheim]

Well, that's excellent. I can assure you they're very well behaved.

[Molly McGee]

Oh, not too well behaved, I hope. Heavenly days. I wouldn't give a hoop for one that didn't chew on a shoe nowadays.

[Fibber McGee]

How about their health, ma'?

[Harlow Wilcox]

Am?

[Fibber McGee]

Their nose is cold.

[Mrs. Kuppenheim]

Well, what a question now.

[Fibber McGee]

I don't know they've been troubled much with sleeves.

[Mrs. Kuppenheim]

What are you talking about?

[Fibber McGee]

Don't get up on your high horse, sis. They all get him sooner or later. Now, I'll tell you how to handle. Handle. Them little fellows, ma', am, they gotta have a dry place to sleep. And you gotta give them a nice bone once in a while for their teeth. And you gotta teach them not to bite, folks.

[Mrs. Kuppenheim]

To bite? Well, after all, that is scarcely within your province's tutor. Now then, are you prepared to give them primary instruction in arithmetic, geography and spelling?

[Molly McGee]

Heavenly days. Arithmetic must be pretty smart.

[Mrs. Kuppenheim]

Up.

[Fibber McGee]

Next thing, you want me to learn him to play the piano.

[Mrs. Kuppenheim]

I. I am afraid I don't appreciate the humor of the situation. Of course, they are too young now. But I certainly consider an appreciation of music essential.

[Fibber McGee]

Oh, shuck, Cuffy, if you ain't the card. Hear that, Molly?

[Mrs. Kuppenheim]

They gotta appreciate music.

[Molly McGee]

How about sending us to dancing school?

[Mrs. Kuppenheim]

Why, why, of course. Dancing school. Then French, German, Latin, and possibly a trip to Europe.

[Fibber McGee]

Oh, quit it, Cuffy, you're killing it. I heard a pig latin, but never heard a pup Latin. Ain't that a scream, Molly?

[Mrs. Kuppenheim]

And a trip to Europe.

[Molly McGee]

Don't forget you'll have to get him foreign licenses.

[Mrs. Kuppenheim]

There's something here that I Don't understand licenses. What do you mean?

[Fibber McGee]

Why, shucks, ma'.

[Mrs. Kuppenheim]

Am.

[Fibber McGee]

All dogs has got to be licensed, you know, that, being an old breeder.

[Mrs. Kuppenheim]

An old breeder? Please. What? Who are you?

[Fibber McGee]

Who, me? Why? Because I'm the camel man you sent first.

[Mrs. Kuppenheim]

This camel man. I knew it. Why, this is all a horrible mistake. The butler will show you out. Wilcox. Wilcox.

[Molly McGee]

Wilcox.

[Mrs. Kuppenheim]

Yes, madam?

[Harlow Wilcox]

Did you summon me, madam?

[Mrs. Kuppenheim]

Shoo these imposters to the door, Wilcox.

[Harlow Wilcox]

Oh, yes, madam. Come along.

[Mrs. Kuppenheim]

Thank you. Thank you, Wilcox.

[Silly Watson]

That would be all.

[Harlow Wilcox]

Thank you, madam.

[Mrs. Kuppenheim]

One moment, Wilcox.

[Harlow Wilcox]

Oh, yes, madam.

[Mrs. Kuppenheim]

Those two terrible people seem to know you will.

[Harlow Wilcox]

Oh, yes, madam. I. I was slightly acquainted with them, madam, when I was. A radio announcement.

[Mrs. Kuppenheim]

A radio announcement?

[Fibber McGee]

Good heavens.

[Mrs. Kuppenheim]

Dog trainers, Radio announcers.

[Harlow Wilcox]

Oh, forgive me. Forgive me, madam. I should like to forget.

[Mrs. Kuppenheim]

Very well. W. But tell me, for what did you announce?

[Harlow Wilcox]

Oh, for a very excellent product, madam. Johnson's Wax.

[Mrs. Kuppenheim]

Oh, yes, yes, yes, yes. The makers of Blue Coat, I believe. Yes, yes, madam.

[Harlow Wilcox]

And if you permit me, madam, I should like to tell you that after many years of research, scientists in the Johnson Wax Laboratories perfected no rubbing floor polish that works like magic. They name this remarkable Polish Glo Coat because it puts a glowing coat of beauty on floors and linoleum, makes them sparkle and gleam without one bit of rubbing or buffing. You'll be amazed to see how quickly Glo Coat changes your dingy, dull floors to beautiful, polished surface. But your greatest surprise will come later when you see how long the Glo coat polish lasts. How it protects your floors from wear and dirt and gives your whole house a well cared for look. And at the same time, saves you hours of work. Look for the attractive yellow can with the words Johnson's Bo Coat. And that, madam, is how I used to be. Balanced it.

[Mrs. Kuppenheim]

Oh, yes, yes, I. I remember. Haven't you forgotten something, Wilcox?

[Harlow Wilcox]

Forgotten, madam? Oh, so I have, madam. You save up to one third on a large size cab. Is that all, madam?

[Mrs. Kuppenheim]

Yes, Wilcox, that's quite enough.

[Harlow Wilcox]

Thank you, madam. Now, we have a very interesting item on our program. As you probably have read in the papers, Fibber McGee has been awarded the diamond Medal as the World Champion Light by the Burlington Liars Club. Mr. O.C. hewlett, founder and president of the club, is with us tonight. We're going to ask him to say a few words on his favorite subject. Mr. Hewlett.

[Bubba Wallace]

Thank you. Ladies and gentlemen, I wish to express my appreciation to the makers of Johnson Wax for this opportunity to clarify a certain situation which has arisen in connection with presenting the medal as world champion liar to fibber McGee, cries of professionalism have arisen that must be answered. All I can say is that while some people consider Fibber McGee a professional liar, there is no such thing. There cannot be such a thing. Lying is an art, not a profession. And this practice, even by its most ardent students, as a labor of love. We're told from childhood that there is no profit in lying. And where there is no profit, there can be no professionalism. So I am glad to confirm the award to fibber McGee with the assurance that no liar ever loses his amateur standing, and with the sincere hope that he may go on to bigger and better lives. Eyes with the medal of the Burlington Liars Club resting on his manly bosom. Did I say resting? Excuse me, I meant lying. Thank you.

[Harlow Wilcox]

And that, friends, is that until next Monday evening at this same hour, when Fibber makes another attempt to leave the ranks of the ranked unemployed. Until then, may I remind you that just as the best housekeepers use Johnson's Wax and Johnson's Loco coast to keep their houses clean and shining, so the most particular car owners keep their cars sparkling with Johnson's Auto Wax and Cleaner. This is Harlow Blowcoat Wilcox, who has been spread around and around and has come out here. Good night. Production lady of the evening is from the music Bar. This is a national broadcasting company.

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