Fountain Of Fun 42-10-11 (x) First Joke - Retouching A Photograph

Summary

Harold's Old Time Radio Episode Summary: Fountain Of Fun 42-10-11 (x) First Joke - Retouching A Photograph Release Date: May 6, 2025

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Introduction

Fountain Of Fun 42-10-11 transports listeners back to the Golden Age of Radio, blending humor, music, and lively character interactions reminiscent of beloved classic radio shows. Hosted by John Cornell, the episode features an ensemble cast including Bob Jellison, Doc Fiddle Faddle, Phil Brito, the Thrasher Sisters, and Phil Davis with his orchestra.

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Main Segments

1. The Photographic Retouching Skit ([01:43] - [02:07])

The episode kicks off with Bob Jellison attending to a customer's request to retouch a photograph.

• Bob Jellison: “You say you'd like to have this photograph retouched? Well, we can do a nice job for you. Any suggestions?” ([01:43])

• Doc Fiddle Faddle: “Well, it's my uncle, see. He's got his hat on, see?” ([01:52])

• John Cornell: “And we'd like to have it show him without his hat on, see?” ([01:55])

The humorous exchange escalates when John becomes frustrated:

• John Cornell: “What are you asking me for, stupid?” ([02:04])

This segment highlights the show's comedic chemistry and sets a lighthearted tone.

2. Sponsor Messages and Musical Interludes

Throughout the episode, sponsorship messages seamlessly blend with the content, maintaining the classic radio feel.

• Narrator's Advertisement for American Giant: Emphasizes the importance of American-made clothing, highlighting quality and job creation in the USA. Offers a promotional code for listeners. ([00:00] - [01:00])

• Mars Incorporated's Milky Way Promotion: Describes the Milky Way candy bar's appeal as a wholesome and delicious treat, reinforcing its status as an American institution. ([02:47] - [04:33])

• Phil Davis and His Orchestra: Provide musical interludes, including performances by the Thrasher Sisters. For example, the rendition of "Beyond the Hills in Idaho" showcases harmonious vocals and lively instrumentation. ([05:11] - [08:32], [19:21] - [19:30])

3. Character Interactions and Comedy

A significant portion of the episode features witty banter and humorous exchanges among the characters.

• Bob and John’s Banter:

  • Bob Jellison: “Well, John, we do have a modern program. In fact, I'd say it's ahead of the times.” ([04:54])

  • John Cornell: “Ahead of the times? What do you mean?” ([04:58])

  • Bob Jellison: “Well, look at Phil Davis, our chubby little orchestra leader. He's had a second front for years.” ([05:00])

  • John Cornell: “And wasn't that a swell party our boss, old Doc Fiddle Faddle gave after the show?” ([05:11])

Their playful teasing continues as they reminisce about past events, such as the bumpy ride to Doc's house and Phil Brito's dance with Veronica Lagoon.

• Bob Jellison’s Self-Deprecating Humor:

  • Bob Jellison: “I have got halitosis, psychosis, neurosis, thrombosis, cirrhosis an A carditis, arthritis, neuritis, cystitis but here is my principal plague no. How can I live with this pug ugly mug?” ([24:53])

  This monologue humorously enumerates his supposed ailments, showcasing Bob's comedic persona.

4. Musical Performances

The show features several musical performances that enhance the entertainment value.

• Thrasher Sisters' "Beyond the Hills in Idaho":

  Their harmonious vocals and heartfelt lyrics create a nostalgic ambiance. ([05:47] - [07:17], [07:18] - [08:32])

• Phil Brito’s Solo Performance:

  Phil Brito delivers an engaging performance of “In Between the Devil and the Deep Blue Sea,” blending jazz and smooth vocals. Notable lines include:

  • “You've got me in between the devil and the deep blue sea.” ([10:37])

  • “I ought to cross you off my list but when you come knocking at my door.” ([21:24])

• Phil Davis and His Orchestra:

  Provide lively musical interludes, including a snappy jig performed by Marquita Lopez and her ensemble. ([19:21] - [19:30])

5. The Weight Scale Gag

A recurring comedic bit involves the Weight Scale Operator interacting with characters attempting to use the scale.

• Exchange with Bob Jellison:

  • Weight Scale Operator: “Your weight is exactly 63 pounds, shorty.” ([10:25])

  • Bob Jellison: “63 pounds. Say, what do you think I am, a skeleton?” ([10:33])

This running gag adds continuity and recurring humor throughout the episode.

6. Veronica Lagoon’s Fashion Concerns

Veronica Lagoon seeks Bob Jellison's advice on selecting a birthday gift for her boyfriend, leading to a humorous exchange.

• Veronica Lagoon: “I just remembered tomorrow is my boyfriend's birthday and I haven't gotten anything for him. What would you suggest?” ([21:02])

• Bob Jellison: “Well, how about a cigarette lighter?” ([21:08])

Their dialogue highlights the playful and flirtatious dynamics among the characters.

7. Doc Fiddle Faddle’s Antics

Doc Fiddle Faddle shares amusing anecdotes about his various activities and mishaps.

• Doc Fiddle Faddle: “I was down to Witty Blake's delivering some aspirin tablets.” ([08:37])

• Later: “I went down to the waterfront to look for some scrap metal and sure enough, I found me a beauty. A big hunk of genuine steel.” ([24:27])

These stories showcase Doc's quirky personality and add depth to his character.

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Concluding Remarks

The episode wraps up with a humorous exchange about Columbus Day and Doc Fiddle Faddle’s Columbus suit.

• Doc Fiddle Faddle: “Because I discovered it on a 1492 sale.” ([30:10])

• Bob Jellison: “That's all for now, but we'll be back again next Sunday at the same time.” ([30:31])

John Cornell reinforces the invitation to return next week, maintaining the show's engaging and welcoming atmosphere.

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Notable Quotes

• John Cornell: “What are you asking me for, stupid?” ([02:04])

• Bob Jellison: “63 pounds. Say, what do you think I am, a skeleton?” ([10:33])

• Phil Brito: “You've got me in between the devil and the deep blue sea.” ([21:24])

• Doc Fiddle Faddle: “I discovered it on a 1492 sale.” ([30:10])

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Episode Highlights

• Humorous Character Dynamics: The witty banter between Bob, John, and Doc provides continuous laughter and entertainment.

• Musical Excellence: Performances by the Thrasher Sisters, Phil Brito, and Phil Davis' orchestra add a rich musical layer.

• Engaging Sketches: The photograph retouching skit and the Weight Scale gag are standout comedic moments.

• Classic Radio Feel: Seamless integration of sponsor messages with content preserves the nostalgic essence of old-time radio.

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Conclusion

Fountain Of Fun 42-10-11 delivers a delightful blend of humor, music, and engaging storytelling, capturing the charm of the Golden Age of Radio. Whether through the comedic exchanges, memorable musical performances, or recurring gags, the episode ensures listeners are entertained from start to finish. For fans of classic radio entertainment or newcomers alike, this episode offers a rich, immersive experience that celebrates timeless radio storytelling.

Transcript

[Narrator]

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[John Cornell]

Mars Incorporated, makers of Milky Way candy bars, invite you to step right up to the fountain of fun. This is John Cornell welcoming you to the fountain of fun, the Crossroads soda parlor where we hear from Phil Brito, the Thrasher sisters and Phil Davis and this orchestra. And here's the drip of the fountain, the jerk of the joint, Bob Jellison.

[Bob Jellison]

Good afternoon, ladies and gentlemen. I'll be with you just as soon as I wait on this customer. Now you say you'd like to have this photograph retouched? Well, we can do a nice job for you. Any suggestions?

[Doc Fiddle Faddle]

Well, it's my uncle, see. He's got his hat on, see?

[John Cornell]

And we'd like to have it show him without his hat on, see?

[Bob Jellison]

Uh huh. Well we can remove the hat. All right. Now which side did he part his hair on so we can retouch it properly?

[John Cornell]

What are you asking me for, stupid?

[Doc Fiddle Faddle]

You can see for yourself or you.

[John Cornell]

Take his hat off.

[Bob Jellison]

Thank gonna save by the bell. Hello? Oh sure, Mrs. Updike. What's that? Do we carry dandruff removers? Oh sure, sure. I'll send something right out. Yes, it's a fine old Indian remedy for removing dandruff. A tommy haw.

[John Cornell]

Mars Incorporated, makers of Milky Way candy bars, present Fountain of Fun. We hope you will enjoy this program today as much as you will always enjoy the taste of a Milky Way at work or play. A tasty bar of Milky Way is a delightful treat as a pick me up during the day or as a wholesome nourishing taste treat for the children after school. Milky Way candy bars have become An American institution. Every day, countless thousands of Milky Ways are placed in lunchboxes throughout America and are taken to busy factories. Then at lunchtime, that Milky Way in the lunchbox becomes a luxurious dessert. Unusual as a dessert because of its extremely high nutritional value and even more unusual because of its rare, delightful taste. With each bite, the pure milk chocolate coating, the layer of smooth, creamy caramel and the luscious center of chocolate nougat flavored with real malted milk, melt into that thrilling taste blend found only in a Milky Way. When you crave good candy, eat a Milky Way.

[Bob Jellison]

Well, here we are back for our second show from the Fountain of Fun. And I do want to thank the thousands of people who wrote. Especially the four people who mailed their letters. Of course, the. The autograph hounds were terrible. After last week's show, I had to run as fast as I could. Even then, I couldn't catch any of them.

[John Cornell]

Well, I like the show, Bob.

[Bob Jellison]

Well, John, we do have a modern program. In fact, I'd say it's ahead of the times.

[John Cornell]

Ahead of the times? What do you mean?

[Bob Jellison]

Well, look at Phil Davis, our chubby little orchestra leader. He's had a second front for years.

[John Cornell]

And.

[Phil Brito]

And.

[John Cornell]

Say, Bob, wasn't that a swell party our boss, old Doc Fiddle Faddle gave after the show?

[Bob Jellison]

Yeah, but that sure was a bumpy ride down to his house. Guy shout his old Stanley Steamer bounced and jerked. Stop. Go. Stop. Go. First time in my life I ever did the conga sitting down.

[John Cornell]

And. And wasn't. And wasn't that aside watching Phil Brito dance whisper Veronica Lagoon.

[Bob Jellison]

Yeah. Gosh, was she clumsy. You know, Phil said it was the worst dance he had all night, Polta. No, he just shoved her around a little. But, say, I noticed you were having a little trouble with your gal, Johnny. What was the matter?

[John Cornell]

Oh, she's a graduate from Vassar, you know. And have you ever seen anything more stubborn than a Vassar grad? Sure.

[Bob Jellison]

A Stalingrad.

[John Cornell]

Well, you sure made a fool of yourself at the party, Bob. Acting and reciting all over the place.

[Bob Jellison]

Look, I'll have you know, Johnny, I was a famous performer once and I got pictures to prove it.

[John Cornell]

You have?

[Bob Jellison]

Sure. Here's one right here. That. That fellow in back of me is my manager.

[John Cornell]

Well, what do you know, Frank Buck.

[Bob Jellison]

Away.

[Thrasher Sisters]

Beyond the hills in Idaho where yawning canyons greet the sound as it miles above the trees in Idaho Tuesday another night is done Warm summer winds toss the waving rain Calling me back to my home again to dream Sweet memories of long Ago Hills in Idaho In Idaho the stars that nightly shine so brightly make me sort of giddy.

[Bob Jellison]

I'd.

[Thrasher Sisters]

Like to know why anyone should ever wonder when they're sitting pretty in Idol One day I'll go back happy and free no worry on my mind it peace that I'll find out Way beyond the hills in Idaho out where yawning, yawning canyons greet the sun as the beams are welcome smile above the trees in Idaho Tuesday Another, another night is done oh, when the summer winds toss the waving grain Calling me back to my home again to dream most pleasant dreams of memories of long ago beyond the hill Idaho.

[Bob Jellison]

That was Idaho Some of the Thresher sisters Mary, Betty and Dolores. And they're really swell kids.

[Doc Fiddle Faddle]

Howdy, Buster.

[Bob Jellison]

Well, old Doc Fiddle Fiddle. Where you been, Doc?

[Doc Fiddle Faddle]

Oh, I was down to Witty Blake's delivering some aspirin tablets. Gosh, he's my back sore.

[Bob Jellison]

Your back is sore from delivering aspirin tablets? How come?

[Doc Fiddle Faddle]

It's downhill to the winter, so I rolled them down. Say, Mary, did you see this new scale that just arrived today?

[Veronica Lagoon]

Gosh, just look at that scale. That's really fancy.

[Doc Fiddle Faddle]

Sure is. Ain't nothing at all like them old fashioned scales. If you put a penny in the slot and get a card telling your weight and fortune.

[Bob Jellison]

Well, what's different about this scale, Doc?

[Doc Fiddle Faddle]

Well, here, here, let me show you. I think I got a penny in my pocket. Yep. Now just stand on the scale here. See? And then I drop my penny in the slot.

[Weight Scale Operator]

Thank you very much.

[Bob Jellison]

It tough. Shh.

[Weight Scale Operator]

Your weight is exactly 142 pounds, seven and five, eight ounces, including the bottle.

[Doc Fiddle Faddle]

Guys lost three ounces. Better get that bottle filled again, I guess.

[Weight Scale Operator]

Next, please.

[Veronica Lagoon]

No, Brito, you try it.

[Phil Brito]

Sure, Mary.

[Weight Scale Operator]

Thank you very much.

[Phil Brito]

Don't mention it.

[Weight Scale Operator]

Your weight is exactly 155 pounds.

[John Cornell]

Why, gosh, I weigh more than that. Look, I'm husky.

[Weight Scale Operator]

I was a star athlete at college.

[Veronica Lagoon]

First string on the football team.

[Phil Brito]

No, second string on the yo yo team.

[Weight Scale Operator]

Next, please.

[Veronica Lagoon]

Go on, Bob. You get on the scale.

[Bob Jellison]

Okay.

[Weight Scale Operator]

Well, well, an Indian head penny.

[Bob Jellison]

Never mind the comment. How much do I weigh?

[Weight Scale Operator]

Just a moment until I untie this string.

[Bob Jellison]

There.

[Weight Scale Operator]

Now your weight is exactly 63 pounds, shorty.

[Bob Jellison]

63 pounds. Say, what do you think I am, a skeleton?

[Phil Brito]

No.

[Weight Scale Operator]

And you're no Bob Hope either. Next, please.

[Bob Jellison]

Bill Davis.

[Veronica Lagoon]

Come on, Phil, you're next.

[John Cornell]

Is it free if I guess my.

[Weight Scale Operator]

Weight within a certain number of ounces?

[Bob Jellison]

Ounces, he says.

[Doc Fiddle Faddle]

Oh, Jed, just step right on the Scale there, phil. That's the way.

[Weight Scale Operator]

One at a time.

[Veronica Lagoon]

Drop your penny in the slot, Bill.

[Weight Scale Operator]

Listen, I don't mind weighing people, see? I don't mind weighing them that they weigh 10 pounds. And I don't mind weighing them if they weigh 10 tons. But if you want to get weight in here, mister, get out of that blimp.

[Phil Brito]

Is there anyone around who cannot see? It's the well known run around you're giving me I suppose you tell me I'm all wrong. It's a bitter pill to take coming from you though I've made a big mistake what can I do? I don't know what makes me string along. I don't want you but I hate to lose you. You've got me in between the devil and deep blue se. I forgive you cause I can't forget you. You've got me in between the devil and the deep blue sea. I oughta cross you off my list but when you come knocking at my door. Fate seems to give my heart a twist. And I keep running back for more. I should hate you but I guess I love you. You've got me in between the devil and the deep blue, see, Take it. The devil and the deep blue sea. I ought to cross off my list but when you come knocking at my door. Faith seems to give my heart a twist. And I keep running back for more. I should hate you but I guess I love you. You've got me in between the devil and the deep blue sea. I'm bewildered, excited I'm up a tree between the devil and the deep blue sea.

[Bob Jellison]

Oh, that's nice going, Philip. Nice going.

[Phil Brito]

Hello.

[Bob Jellison]

Well, look who's here. Veronica Lagoon. Oh, yeah.

[Phil Brito]

Aw.

[Doc Fiddle Faddle]

Oh, those lovely cheeks.

[Bob Jellison]

Veronica. Did anyone ever tell you they have the color of a flower?

[Veronica Lagoon]

Have they, Bobby?

[Bob Jellison]

Yeah, pillsbury fast.

[Veronica Lagoon]

I guess you'd be pale too if you spent all day indoors over a hot welding torch.

[Bob Jellison]

Welding torch? You mean you're being taught welding at business school now?

[Veronica Lagoon]

Uh huh. I could have studied sewing instead, but I thought welding was more feminine.

[Bob Jellison]

Oh yeah, definitely. Tell me, Veronica, do you find welding very interesting?

[Veronica Lagoon]

Oh, fascinating, Bobby. It's more fun sparking with the teacher.

[Bob Jellison]

So you're. You're probably carrying the torch for the welding teacher, huh?

[Veronica Lagoon]

Well, he's awfully nice, Bobby.

[Bob Jellison]

Good looking?

[Veronica Lagoon]

Well, no, but he's very strong.

[Bob Jellison]

I see plenty of power, but not enough. Tyrone.

[Veronica Lagoon]

You took me to the football game yesterday.

[Bob Jellison]

Oh, the football game, huh? See, I was there too. Did you have good seats?

[Veronica Lagoon]

No, you sat on the 40 yard line.

[Bob Jellison]

But you sat on the 40 yard line. Well, what's wrong with that?

[Veronica Lagoon]

The players kept knocking us down all the time. But I love football, Bobby. You know, I used to go with a fellow who was a triple threat man.

[Bob Jellison]

Oh, a triple threat man. You mean he could kick, lug and pitch too?

[Veronica Lagoon]

No. Kiss, hug and pitch. Woo.

[Bob Jellison]

Get out of here, will ya?

[Veronica Lagoon]

Oh, Bobby, I want to buy a few things because this evening I'm going to be downtown selling tickets at the service men's dance.

[Bob Jellison]

Oh, so you're going to sell tickets at the servicemen's dance, huh?

[Veronica Lagoon]

Yeah.

[Nicole Byer]

No.

[Veronica Lagoon]

I want a jar of cold cream, a box of powder, a lipstick, a box of rouge, a jar of eyeshadow, and a tube of messengers. Oh, yes, a bottle of stockings, size nine.

[Bob Jellison]

Yep. Guys, for us.

[Nicole Byer]

We interrupt this program to bring you an important Wayfair message. Wayfair's got style tips for every home. This is Nicole Byer helping you make those rooms flyer. Today's style tip. When it comes to making a statement, treat bold patterns like neutrals. Go wild like an untamed animal. Print area rug under a rustic farmhouse table from wayfair.com Ooh. Be this has been your Wayfair style tip to keep those interiors superior.

[Thrasher Sisters]

Wayfair. Every style, every home.

[Mars Incorporated]

Plan on flying. It's time to upgrade to a real id because in order to board domestic flights, your driver's license or state issued ID must be a real ID or you'll need another acceptable form of identification. So don't wait. Find out how to get your Real [e-mail] RealID that's tsa.gov RealID or visit your local DMV and then you'll be cleared for takeoff.

[Bob Jellison]

Do you think all that stuff is going to help you get the Navy's ease?

[Veronica Lagoon]

Oh, no. The Marines are.

[John Cornell]

That was Phil Davis and his orchestra stepping out brightly with Conchita, Marquita, Lolita, Pepita, Rosita, Juanita Lopez. Nice going, fellas. Nice going.

[Doc Fiddle Faddle]

Yep, that was a right snappy jig Bucky. Should have brung along with Castanet. Hey, Bob, where's the pinball game? I don't see the pinball game.

[Bob Jellison]

No? No, they had to take it out to be repaired. But see that little man over there?

[Doc Fiddle Faddle]

Yeah.

[Bob Jellison]

Pickpocket. They sent him over to take its place.

[Doc Fiddle Faddle]

Well, that's a good idea. Should have thought of it long ago. Well, don't want to waste too much time, Bucky. Got a lot of things to do. Got to stop in at the hotel and check on the test run of the new roller towels. Want to go to the barbershop and see if the new police cadets in yet. And I got to get to the firehouse. I'm scheduled for the swing shift and the pinocchle game.

[Bob Jellison]

Oh, you sure are a busy man, Doc. I don't see how you manage it at your age.

[John Cornell]

My age?

[Bob Jellison]

Oh, fiddle faddle, fiddle faddle. Well, after all, you know.

[Doc Fiddle Faddle]

Hey, somebody call me? Sort of heard my name.

[Bob Jellison]

Ah, forget it.

[Doc Fiddle Faddle]

Well, gotta stop in the draft board too, see how things are going.

[Bob Jellison]

Oh, Doc, quit kidding yourself. They're not interested in you.

[Doc Fiddle Faddle]

Don't be too sure about that, Bucky. They're gonna take just about everybody when they give you your physical examination.

[Bob Jellison]

Now if the body's warm your is.

[Doc Fiddle Faddle]

Well, that's pretty good, Johnny. And just exactly the way I heard it.

[Bob Jellison]

Hey, by the way, Doc, I noticed you walked over here today. Where's your bicycle?

[Doc Fiddle Faddle]

Getting it overhauled, Bucky. I had to do something. I pedaled and pumped till I was blue in the face. And I still couldn't make this new 35 mile speed limit.

[Veronica Lagoon]

Pardon me, Bobby. I hope I'm not interrupting anything.

[Bob Jellison]

No, it's all right, Mary. You're not interrupting anything, believe me.

[Veronica Lagoon]

I just remembered tomorrow is my boyfriend's birthday and I haven't gotten anything for him. What would you suggest?

[Bob Jellison]

Well, how about a cigarette lighter?

[Veronica Lagoon]

Oh, no, Birdie doesn't smoke.

[Bob Jellison]

Oh, maybe a bottle of wine.

[Veronica Lagoon]

That wouldn't do either.

[Bob Jellison]

He never drinks. We have an awfully nice set of poker chips.

[Veronica Lagoon]

No, Freddy would never drink gambling.

[Doc Fiddle Faddle]

Hey, I know just a thing for this fella.

[Thrasher Sisters]

You do that?

[John Cornell]

Sure.

[Doc Fiddle Faddle]

Give him a little polish for his halo.

[Phil Brito]

I'm tired of feeling blue I want to know just how I stand with you and now that you're in my embrace this is the time, this is the place as long as you're not in love with anyone else why don't you fall in love with me? You're driving me crazy, baby trying to guess Will you tell me no or will you tell me yes? You gotta go overboard for someone someday Believe it or not it's bound to be as long as you're not in love with anyone else why don't you fall in love with me?

[Thrasher Sisters]

As long as you're not in love with anyone else why don't you fall in love with me?

[Phil Brito]

You're driving me crazy, baby trying to guess Will you tell me Lor, will you tell me yes?

[Thrasher Sisters]

You gotta go overboard someone someday Believe it or not it's fine to be.

[Phil Brito]

As long as you're not in love with anyone else. Why don't you fall in love with me? Oh, why don't you fall in love with me?

[Thrasher Sisters]

Why don't you fall in love with me?

[Bob Jellison]

Hello. Oh, hello, Uncle Sylvester. What's that? Oh, you have a terrible hangover. Well, why don't you dissolve a couple of those seltzer tablets in a glass of water and. Oh, I see you can't stand the noise. Say, you have a doc. Come to think of, but you don't look quite as chipper as usual. How do you feel?

[Doc Fiddle Faddle]

Oh, not so good, Bucky. I got a pain in my lows.

[Bob Jellison]

No, you mean leg.

[Doc Fiddle Faddle]

No, I mean loge.

[Bob Jellison]

But a loge is a seat.

[Doc Fiddle Faddle]

That's right, Bucky. A horse bit me when I wasn't looking.

[Bob Jellison]

And that's not at all that's wrong with you, Doc. You look all sprung out of shape.

[Doc Fiddle Faddle]

Well, I got this way working in that scrap metal drive from.

[Bob Jellison]

Working in the scrap metal drive? What do you mean?

[Doc Fiddle Faddle]

Well, you see, I went down to the waterfront to look for some scrap metal and sure enough, I found me a beauty. A big hunk of genuine steel. Well, I bent down to pick it up.

[Bob Jellison]

Yeah.

[Doc Fiddle Faddle]

And before I could get up, Bucky.

[Bob Jellison]

Four fellas put a keel on me.

[Doc Fiddle Faddle]

Six men give me a triple coat of paint and the next thing I know Henry Kaiser is nailing the flag on another liberty ship.

[Bob Jellison]

Maybe he did take a little beating. But if he thinks he's got troubles. Listen, I have got halitosis, psychosis, neurosis, thrombosis, cirrhosis an A carditis, arthritis, neuritis, cystitis but here is my principal plague no. How can I live with this pug ugly mug?

[Thrasher Sisters]

A mug that a thug or a.

[Bob Jellison]

Pug wouldn't lug I went to the racetrack to bury my woes A nearsighted guy put two bugs on my nose no. How can I live with this facial disgrace? I'd hate to be caught face to face with my face I stopped in a circus one Sunday to gape A ring tailed monkey cried look at that ape no. The army, they say is a wonderful place but it's not the place for a guy with my face Whenever the hour for eating drew an ear the cook colored mess in my face I should hear I have every fault you could possibly think I'm tattletail gray and my toothbrush is pink Wherever I go folks whisper beyond and confidentially I blink Wait just a minute. A telegram's Come to my base. At last there's a place for my face, it says. Though you speak of your weakened physique, Though your beak is unique and your technique may reek. Though your poor eat up face was your mother's disgrace, it now has its gay and high stepping. For your face is the ace in the armament race. Your face is our new secret weapon.

[Thrasher Sisters]

Sa.

[John Cornell]

We hope the Fountain of Fun has brought you fun and entertainment this afternoon. In the coming week, try this pleasant experience. In the middle of the afternoon when you begin to feel tired and run down. Treat yourself to the luscious taste of a Milky Way bar. See how quickly your energy returns. For a Milky Way is a nutritional treat as wholesome and nourishing as it is delicious. And what a pleasant experience. As you open the crisp wrapper, you will notice the scent of fresh milk chocolate. Then as your teeth sink through the thick milk chocolate coating, through the layer of smooth creamy caramel and the luscious center of chocolate nougat, richly flavored with real malted milk, you will thrill to the taste blend found only in a Milky Way. What's more, you will enjoy every bite right down to the last delightful flavor that lingers in your mouth when you crave good candy. Eat a Milky Way.

[Bob Jellison]

Hey, Doc, you know tomorrow's Columbus Day, don't you?

[John Cornell]

You sure?

[Doc Fiddle Faddle]

That's why I'm wearing this here brand new Columbus suit.

[Bob Jellison]

A Columbus suit? Why do you call it that?

[Doc Fiddle Faddle]

Because I discovered it on a 1492 sale.

[Bob Jellison]

That's all for now, but we'll be back again next Sunday at the same time. So you'll be here too, won't you?

[John Cornell]

Yes. Mars Incorporated, makers of Milky Way candy bars, invite you to visit the Fountain of Fun again next Sunday evening at 5:30 Eastern. War time. All the gang will be here. Bill Brevo, the Thrasher Sisters, Phil Davis and his orchestra, Veronica Lagoon, Doc Fiddle Faddle and Bob Jellison, who says for us all.

[Bob Jellison]

So long now.

[John Cornell]

John Cornell speaking. This is the Nation station.