Granby's Green Acres 50-07-24 (4) Granby Fights The Love Bug

Summary

Podcast Summary: "Granby's Green Acres 50-07-24 (4) Granby Fights The Love Bug"

Podcast: Harold's Old Time Radio
Host: Harolds Old Time Radio
Episode: Granby's Green Acres (original air date July 24, 1950)
Date: September 9, 2025 (release date on podcast)

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Overview

This episode of Granby's Green Acres delivers a classic combination of rural misadventures and light-hearted family squabbles. The central plot finds John Granby grappling with both the apparent failure of his corn crop and his family's meddling in his daughter Janice's love life. The "love bug" here is both literal (as John believes insects are devouring his crops) and figurative (with attempts to match Janice with the eligible new county agent, Henry Stafford). The episode is rich with misunderstandings, wordplay, and comical country wisdom.

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Key Discussion Points & Story Progression

1. City Slicker Turns Farmer (01:10–02:05)

• John Granby, a former city-dweller, pursues the dream of running a farm, confident that modern agriculture will make things easy. He relays odd farming factoids—like hens laying more eggs thanks to radios in the henhouse—with humorous skepticism from his wife, Martha.

  John Granby: "Most city people never realize that dream, but unfortunately for farm economy, John Granby did." (01:12)
  Martha Granby: "Just think, those eggs we had for breakfast—Bing Crosby might have helped." (01:50)

2. Struggling with the Crop and Criticism (02:05–07:43)

• Granby and his farmhand Eb are out hoeing corn in the midday heat. The banter highlights their inexperience and the less-than-thriving corn crop.

• County Agent Henry Stafford visits, politely pointing out the corn’s lack of growth and suggests the soil needs testing and treatment with sulfate of ammonia.

• Granby, pride wounded, refuses help, clashing with Stafford's well-meant advice.

  Henry Stafford: "After seeing the corn on the other farms around here, yours really stands out... I've never seen such underdeveloped corn." (05:11)
  John Granby (to Stafford): "Do you know where you made your first mistake? Yes, when I said, 'hello, Mr. Stafford.'" (06:15)

3. Family Lunch & Romantic Scheming (07:43–12:06)

• At lunch, Martha and daughter Janice critique the tiny corn, compare it to a "Lifesaver," and pivot to discussing potential suitors for Janice, particularly the young county agent.

• John remains oblivious and defensive, unaware of the undercurrent to set up his daughter.

  Martha Granby: "You could take an ear of that corn and push it through a lifesaver without getting any mint on it." (07:54)
  John Granby: "If my father had shown as little interest in his daughter's future as you show in yours, why, you and I might never have met." (10:50)

4. The 'Love Bug' Arrives—Or Does It? (12:06–16:45)

• Granby discovers big holes chewed in his corn leaves, panics over imagined infestations (Japanese horn-tailed beetles).
• Family and Eb nudge him to seek help from the county agent. Eb's advice: "You can catch more flies with honey than you can with vinegar." (12:41)
• Granby grudgingly decides to consult Stafford.

5. Advice, Chemistry, and Country Logic (16:45–19:03)

• Stafford prescribes "NH4 2SO4" for the infestation. Granby thinks it's a special bug killer; Stafford knows it's simply sulfate of ammonia—the proper fertilizer.

• At the feed store, Granby navigates circular, homespun storytelling from Mr. Kimball before getting what he needs.

  Mr. Kimball (Feed Store): "You know, maybe I ought to use DDT... The old DDT ain't good for beetles. It isn't? No, it kills them." (17:43)

6. Dinner with the County Agent—And Janice (19:26–24:56)

• Stafford drops by as Granby is washing off fertilizer residue—accidentally using a window shade as a towel.

• Martha eagerly invites Stafford to dinner, jockeying rations ("Mr. Granby never eats lamb chops") to ensure everyone is fed.

• Janice and Stafford meet at last; awkward matchmaking and banter ensue around the table, with Granby grumbling over being denied his favorite foods.

  Martha Granby (about Stafford): "Now, my daughter never eats more than two. And I never eat more than one. And Mr. Granby never eats lamb chops." (21:24)
  John Granby: "What does she mean, I never eat lamb chops? I've eaten them all my life." (21:32)

7. The Aftermath: It Wasn't Beetles After All (24:56–28:14)

• Several days of rain delay checking the corn. Stafford continues visiting—ostensibly for Janice, but Granby grumbles about the company.

• In the cornfield, the crop is miraculously thriving. Granby crows about his success treating the 'beetles' with NH4 2SO4, only for Martha to reveal it's just sulfate of ammonia—what Stafford had been advocating all along.

• The true "love bug"? Not beetles, but Eb, who confesses he'd lost his teeth and was chewing on the corn leaves, causing the mysterious damage.

  John Granby: "If I didn't have beetles, then what was it that was chewing on those leaves?"
  Eb: "I lost something. What? My teeth." (27:42)
  Martha Granby: "A beetle with lower plate wobble?" (27:58)

8. Closing Gags (28:46–end)

• The family enjoys their excellent homegrown corn. Eb still can't eat any—he hasn't found his teeth. Granby quips that Eb should "gum" his way through it, calling him a "Japanese horn tailed beetle."

  John Granby: "Well, gum your way through it, you Japanese horn tailed beetle." (28:52)

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On Farm Know-How:
  "Why, four months ago I couldn't tell the difference between a stalk of corn and a weed." (03:52, John Granby)

• Matchmaking Subtlety:
  "The next time the young man drops around to see you, what harm would there be in bringing him up to the house?" (10:17, Martha Granby)

• Family Table Jests:
  "John never eats lamb chops."
  "What does she mean, I never eat lamb chops? I've eaten them all my life." (21:24–21:34)

• Comedic Reveal:
  "If I didn’t have beetles, then what was it that was chewing on those leaves?"
  "I lost something... My teeth." (27:42, Eb)

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Important Segment Timestamps

• Cornfield Woes & County Agent Arrives: (02:05–07:43)
• Family Plots for Janice's Future: (07:43–12:06)
• Discovery of the Insect Problem: (12:06–16:45)
• Feed Store Countryside Humor: (16:45–19:03)
• Dinner Table Comedy & Romance: (19:26–24:56)
• Corn Saved, Beetle Mystery Revealed: (26:49–28:14)
• Final Gag with Eb's Teeth: (28:46–28:52)

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Tone & Style

The episode maintains a jovial, homespun tone with witty banter, playful misunderstandings, and good-natured pokes at city folk turned farmers. Much of the humor comes from wordplay, country wisdom, and the stubborn pride of John Granby, juxtaposed with the earnest, matchmaking efforts of his wife and the straight-laced bureaucracy of the county agent.

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Summary Takeaway

"Granby Fights The Love Bug" offers a delightful slice of classic radio sitcom life, balancing farmyard slapstick with family matchmaking mishaps. The episode shines with comedic timing, memorable one-liners, and a reminder that sometimes the solution to complex problems—whether growing good corn or finding love—is a little humility, a little help from friends, and, perhaps, a good dose of sulfate of ammonia.

Transcript

[John Granby]

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[John Granby]

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[John Granby]

Unofficial statistics show that three out of four people who are born and raised in the city have one dream in life. And that is, someday I'm going to leave the city and buy a farm. Most city people never realize that dream, but unfortunately for farm economy, John Granby did. To him, farming looked easy. As he explained to his wife Martha, modern farming is a cinch. I read somewhere that farmers use all the latest devices to help them.

[Martha Granby]

Oh, really, John?

[John Granby]

Oh, yes, yes. Now you take chickens. Farmers are putting radios in the hen houses, and they found that when the hens hear a crooner, it increases egg production.

[Martha Granby]

Oh, that's wonderful, John. Just think, those eggs we had for breakfast.

[John Granby]

What about them?

[Martha Granby]

Bing Crosby might have helped. LA.

[John Granby]

Yes, it's Granby's Green Acres, starring Gail Gordon B. Benedar, Louise Erickson, Polly Bear and Horace Murphy. And now Mr. Granby bites the love bug. It's a hot July day in Dove H. The noonday sun beats down on the fertile fields of Granby's Green Acres. The birds are still. The field mice have burrowed deeper into the ground, and in the pasture, the cow lies contentedly in the shade of an oak tree. No one with any sense would venture out into the blazing sun except Mr. Granby. What is it, E.B. almost lunchtime. Let's stop hoeing this corn and quit. Why did I have to hire somebody who's always thinking of his stomach? You just had breakfast at five o'. Clock. Well, all I had was orange juice, oatmeal, wheat cake, syrup, eggs, potatoes, ham steak, biscuits, jelly pot of coffee and two quarts of milk. You ate all that and now you're hungry? No, I'm sick. There's nothing wrong with you, Ed. Now let's finish hoeing one more row of corn and then we'll quit. Well, Awful hot. Well, come on, let's get it over with. You want to change places, Mr. Granby? Change places? Yeah, you hold for a while and I'll grunt. If you don't want a weed, just say so. Here's a hope. Wait till I ask you. I don't mind hoeing the corn or the wheat or the soybeans. Sure, it's hard work, but when nighttime comes, I can relax. Sitting in my favorite easy chair with my dog at my feet, smoking my pipe. See, that don't sound very sanitary, letting your dog smoke your pipe. Forget it. Forget it. You know, I've learned a lot since I bought this farm. Why, four months ago I couldn't tell the difference between a stalk of corn and a weed. Ebi can't reach that one over there. Would you pull it out for me? Listen. Yeah? Here you are. Oh, thanks. Say, this is some big weed. What's the name of it? Corn. Well, why didn't you tell me? You didn't ask me. Now, don't get fussed, Ms. Granby. The natural mistake. That's the only stock of corn in the field. It's bigger than the weeds. If you're insinuating that this crop isn't doing very well, remember that this corn's only been growing for two months. Weeds only been growing a week. AB I'm perfectly satisfied with the way this corn is doing. Hello. Hi, Ev. Hi. Who's that? Hank Stafford, the county agent. He's the government farm advisor for this section. Don't you ask him about the corn? I don't have to ask anybody. Yes? My name's Stafford. Henry Stafford. Hello, Mr. Stafford. I've been meaning to drop around, get acquainted. I've driven by here several times the last couple of months and I've been noticing your cornfield. You have, Mr. Stafford. I couldn't help but notice that after seeing the corn on the other farms around here, yours really stands out. Well. Well, have a cigar. Thanks. Yes, sir. The first time I saw it, I was amazed. Well, and have a light. I've never seen such underdeveloped corn. Don't bother to puff. Well, I better get on with the hoeing. Mr. Granby, I don't want you to feel that I'm butting in. You see, I'm hired by the to help you with your agricultural problems. After all, coming from the city, you haven't had too much experience in farming. And I suppose you have enough to recognize a poor crop when I see it. You consider this a poor crop? Well. And why, may I ask, do you mind if I look at a few of the ears? No, go right ahead and look if it'll make you happy. Okay. Look at this one. And look at this one. And this one. And this one. Please, just look at the corn. Don't harvest it. I'm sorry. But, Mr. Granby, do you know why this corn isn't growing? Yes. You're not giving it a chance to. No, no. Do you know where you made your first mistake? Yes, when I said, hello, Mr. Stafford. No, Mr. Granby. It looks like your mistake was in not testing the soil. Why don't you let me make some tests now? No, thank you, but I've got a soil testing kit in the car. I'll be glad to get it. That won't be necessary. It'll only take a moment. Oh, don't bother. It's no bother. I'm only 2. Glad to do it. Young man, were you in the army? Yes, second Lieutenant. How did you know? You're such an eager beaver, Stanford. I appreciate your interest, but this soil, this oil could use some sulfate of ammonia. It'll make your corn a lot stronger and shorten its growing time 10 or 15 days. I'm in no hurry. I'm not going anywhere. But sulfate of ammonia. I don't need any mole fate of ammonia. Sulfate of ammonia. That's what I said. But it sounded. Don't tell me what it sounded like. That's what I said. Yes, sir. I didn't mean any offense, sir. Sorry, sir. It was a mistake, sir. It won't happen again, sir. Lieutenant. Yes, sir. Addie. Ciao. Ready, Martha? Lunch ready?

[Martha Granby]

Yes. Everything's on the table, John. Ev, you sit over there.

[John Granby]

Thanks, Ms. Granby.

[Martha Granby]

Dad, I was down in the field this morning looking at the corn.

[John Granby]

You were?

[Martha Granby]

Mm. It's awfully small.

[John Granby]

Small?

[Martha Granby]

Yes. You could take an ear of that corn and push it through a lifesaver without getting any mint on it. John, start on your soup. It's getting cold.

[John Granby]

All right. Good soup, Martha. Pass of salt here, Ab.

[Martha Granby]

It's your favorite kind, John.

[John Granby]

Mushroom just hits the spot.

[Martha Granby]

Pass of bread here, Ab. John, who's the young man you were talking to down in the field?

[John Granby]

Henry Stafford, the county agent.

[Martha Granby]

Well, you should have invited him for lunch.

[John Granby]

Pass a napkin, Martha. Martha, do me a favor and let me eat my lunch in peace.

[Martha Granby]

But, John, all I.

[John Granby]

Never mind, never mind. I've had a very strenuous day. I've been weeding corn since early this morning. Pass a baloney. And as if it wasn't hard enough working in that boiling sun, that pest of a county agent had to come around and start criticizing the way the corn is growing.

[Martha Granby]

Well, maybe he could have helped.

[John Granby]

I don't need any help from him. I know more about farming than he'll ever know.

[Martha Granby]

Add more baloney.

[John Granby]

Yep. Now, look here, Janice. John.

[Martha Granby]

John, you're in such an awful mood. It's. It's not at all like your natural disposition.

[John Granby]

Oh, and what is my natural disposition?

[Martha Granby]

Pass the vinegar.

[John Granby]

Candace, can't we please finish our lunch quietly?

[Martha Granby]

Um, John, is he married?

[John Granby]

Is who married?

[Martha Granby]

That young county agent?

[John Granby]

I didn't ask him.

[Martha Granby]

Why not?

[John Granby]

Because I'm already married. Why should I ask him a thing like that?

[Martha Granby]

Well, he seemed like such a nice young man, and Janice hasn't met anybody since we moved here and. Why are you starting that again? Well, but, Janice, I. Will you please stop worrying about me? I'm not worried, Janice. But in the city you had so many friends, and out here it's. Well, there just doesn't seem to be any eligible young men. Mother, how can you say that?

[John Granby]

What about EB Passive vitamins. Martha, I wish you'd leave Janice alone. The way you talk, you'd think she was another gravel Gertie.

[Martha Granby]

Now, look, the next time the young man drops around to see you, what harm would there be in bringing him up to the house?

[John Granby]

Martha, I doubt very much whether I will see him again.

[Martha Granby]

You weren't rude to him, were you?

[John Granby]

I'm never rude. I talk to him the way I talk to my own family.

[Martha Granby]

John, you didn't. Well, I guess he won't be back anymore. John. Granby, if my father had shown as little interest in his daughter's future as you show in yours, why, you and I might never have met.

[John Granby]

Yes, a meddlesome old.

[Martha Granby]

John. You sound as if you regret marrying me.

[John Granby]

Oh, I do. I mean, I do, Martha. I don't regret it at all.

[Martha Granby]

And say you're sorry.

[John Granby]

Oh, my.

[Martha Granby]

Say it.

[John Granby]

Oh, all right. I'm sorry. About marrying you, I mean, I. I regret I'm sorry I married you. That's right. It kind of slipped out now, now, now, Martha, don't be angry. Give me a kiss and show me.

[Martha Granby]

You'Re not in front of Ab.

[John Granby]

Why not? He's old enough to be your father. That meddlesome old John. Have a smoke. Are you coming, Ab?

[Martha Granby]

In a minute, Janice. Sometimes I can't understand your father. Well, sit still. Mama got off the table. Let me get my.

[John Granby]

Ms. Granby. I wouldn't worry about a pretty young girl like Ms. Janney.

[Martha Granby]

Oh, I'm not really worried about her, Eb. It's just that I'm sorry she didn't have a chance to meet that young man.

[John Granby]

Oh, he'll be back. Mr. Granby will have to send for him one these days.

[Martha Granby]

No, not unless something happens to change his mind. And getting John to change his mind is like pulling teeth.

[John Granby]

Ms. Granby.

[Martha Granby]

Hmm?

[John Granby]

Shake hands with Painless Parker. Come here, quick. What's wrong, Mr. Gramley? Look at this row of corn. Something's been chewing big holes in the leaves. Some kind of insect. Must have happened last night. Looks serious. Maybe it was a potato bun. A potato bug. Why would a potato bug go after corn? For the corn silk. It makes good dental flour. This is serious, whatever it is. Could ruin the whole crop. What can I do? How can I get rid of them? I don't know. Everybody gets. County agent. That agricultural Einstein. I wouldn't ask him for help if he was the last. Mr. Granby. I worked on a farm once when a thing like this got started. Oh, where was it? Did you ever hear the dust bowl? Dust bowl? Oh, my goodness. Do you think Stafford could do something about this? He's the only one who can. Then I guess I have no choice. I'll send for him. I'll tell him. Now, hold on a second, mister. Granny, if you want his help, you should go see him. And if I was you, I wouldn't be so belligerent. What do you mean? Well, you know the old saying. You can catch more flies with honey than you can with vinegar. Don't tell me. Tell Joe Stalin. We'll return to Granby's Green Acres after this brief reminder. There are a lot of laughs around these Monday nights when Joan Davis comes to CBS to play her role of a madcap, dizzy department store clerk. Yes, Joan Davis is back on CBS with her comedy show, Leave it to Joan. So go shopping with her later tonight on most of these same CBS stations, won't you? Now, part two of Granby's Green Acres County Agent's office. Henry Stafford, Washington Porter Mart. Hello, sir. Yes, sir. Yes, sir. Yes, Sir. Quick, Stafford, get your hat and coat. We've got to go. This is an emergency. Just a moment. Here, Bambi. Sorry, sir. Now what were you saying? Sir. Yes, sir. Yes, sir. Stafford, will you hang up? Stop bothering me, you fool. Oh, not you, sir. No, no, sir. No, sir. Yes, sir. Give me that phone. Mr. Grundy. I was talking to my boss in Washington and you cut us off. If I know him, he'll blow his top. He'll see red. Well, what about it in Washington? Everybody's seeing red these days. Now look, we're wasting time. Listen, I have. Glanby. What is the matter? I've got Japanese horn tailed beetle. What? Look at this leaf from my corn. Look at the way it's been chewed. Well, that doesn't necessarily mean that it was a Japanese horntail beetle. Oh, now don't tell me. I looked it up in the encyclopedia. Now look, Mr. Glanby. You couldn't possibly have Japanese horntail beetles in your corn. If anything, it might be a European corn borer. Are you trying to make a global war out of this? No, but this is ridiculous. Well, you yourself said that something was retarding the growth of my corn. Well, this is what's doing it. Beetles. It's just a lack of sulfate of ammonia. Believe me, it has nothing to do with beetles. Now, if you want my advice. I didn't come to you for advice. I just want you to tell me what to do. If I didn't like this job, I might be tempted to. What? I mean, what do you want me to tell you to do? I want you to tell me how to get rid of the beetles. What kind of insecticide should I use on the cause? Look, you have. No, Wait a second. I know what might help you. Use some NH4.2SO4. NH4 2SO4. Will that do the trick? That'll do it. Well, where can I get some? I'm pretty sure Mr. Kimball has some in his feed store. Use about a hundred pounds to an acre. Scatter it around the roof. I'll get some right away. Yes, you do that. And if I have time, I'll run out and take a look at the corn. It might be well worth your while. Maybe you'll learn something from me. You know, Mr. Stafford, you may think my head is filled with sawdust. But I'm going to prove to you that there's nothing in it. This gimbal, Ms. Kimball. Yep, there's the name all right. Kimball. Good old American name.

[Martha Granby]

Got it from my father.

[John Granby]

Yeah. Look, I want to Buy? Yes, sir. My father was quite a man. His name was Kimball, too. I gathered as much. Now I want to buy. You know, he was one of the first settlers here in d'. Urville. He was born at that little red brick house. Toughest day in a town there. Of course, that house ain't there anymore.

[Martha Granby]

They tore it down a couple years.

[John Granby]

Ago to make room for a vacant lot. Please, Mr. Kimball, I'd like some NH4. Two so four what? Fur. I've got Japanese horntail beetles.

[Martha Granby]

You have?

[John Granby]

Yes.

[Martha Granby]

Would you mind standing at the other.

[John Granby]

End of the counter? I don't have them personally. They're all over my corn crop. That's fine.

[Martha Granby]

I wanted to get that.

[John Granby]

There is two bends. You know, we had a spell of beetles down here in 1908. Took a long time to get rid of them. Oh, how did you do it? Sprayed them with that DDT in 1908. DDT wasn't invented until 1942. That's when we got rid of them. You know, maybe I ought to use ddt. The old DDT ain't good for beetles. It isn't? No, it kills them. That's what I wanted to do, but on second thought, maybe I better get that stuff Stafford recommended. NH4 2SO4. I'll need about 35 sacks of it. What for? To kill the Japanese beetles. Oh. See, we had quite a spell of them in 19. Y' all told me about that.

[Martha Granby]

Oh, did I tell you about the bdt?

[John Granby]

Yes.

[Martha Granby]

Well, how about the vacant lot?

[John Granby]

You told me about that, too.

[Martha Granby]

Well, what else is new?

[John Granby]

Please, Mr. Kimball, is there any way you can deliver those sacks to my farm today? Well, there's a truck of mine that comes through here every afternoon. They got a polite, courteous, reliable driver. Maybe he'll deliver turkey. Oh, do you think he will? Oh, sure. He'll do anything for me and know him real well. Eat dinner with him once in a while. Tells me all his troubles, and I.

[Martha Granby]

Give him my advice.

[John Granby]

I've been like a father to him. Oh, that's nice. Who is he? My son.

[Martha Granby]

Oh.

[John Granby]

Mother. Mother. John, I'm not soaping my eyes. Can't see.

[Martha Granby]

Well, tear a paper towel off the roller.

[John Granby]

Oh, okay, okay. John, what's the matter?

[Martha Granby]

You tore a piece off the window shade.

[John Granby]

I couldn't see with the soap in my eyes.

[Martha Granby]

Well, you shouldn't be washing in the kitchen.

[John Granby]

I wanted to get this insecticide off of you.

[Martha Granby]

Well, hurry. The lamb chops are on the table.

[John Granby]

Oh. Oh, we having lamb chops for dinner?

[Martha Granby]

Janice picked up six in town today. Now, come into the dining room as soon as you're finished.

[John Granby]

Oh, boy. Lamb chops. Yep. Come in. Hello, Mr. Granby. Oh, it's you. I saw you through the kitchen window. What are you laughing at? Do you always dry your face with a window shade? Young man, if I were you, I'd watch myself. I might be on your draft board. I was just. Now. Now, look here, Fitch. Fitch. The name is Stafford. I know, but you're beginning to get in my hair. Well, I just dropped out to see how you were getting along. Just fine, thank you. What was that? Thunder. Yes. Looks like we're in for a little rain. Rain? Oh, my goodness. That'll wash away all the NH four. Two. So four. Don't worry about that, Mr. Grandy. It'll be John.

[Martha Granby]

We're waiting for you to. Oh. How do you do?

[John Granby]

Hello.

[Martha Granby]

Well, John, aren't you going to.

[John Granby]

Oh. Oh. Oh, Mrs. Grammy. Mr. Stafford. Mr. Stafford. Mrs. Gramby. Well, don't let us keep you, my boy.

[Martha Granby]

Mr. Stafford, we were just about to have dinner. We'd be delighted to have you join us.

[John Granby]

Martha, we only have six lamb chops. That's all right, Mr. Granby. I never eat more than three.

[Martha Granby]

We'll have enough. My daughter never eats more than two. And I never eat more than one. And Mr. Granby never eats lamb chops.

[John Granby]

What?

[Martha Granby]

Come on into the dining room, Mr. Stafford.

[John Granby]

What does she mean, I never eat lamb chops? I've eaten them all my life. Sometimes I've eaten lamb chops twice a day.

[Martha Granby]

John. Oh, hello, Janice. This is Mr. Stafford. Mr. Stafford, this is my daughter. How do you do?

[John Granby]

How do you do, Lieutenant? Eyes right.

[Martha Granby]

Janice. Mr. Staff is going to stay for dinner. But, mom, we only have six ones. That's all right. Your father's having eggs for dinner, aren't you, dear? What?

[John Granby]

Oh. Oh, certainly, yes. I'm having eggs. Eggs. I just love eggs. What kind of a meal is that for a man who's been working hard all day?

[Martha Granby]

After all, I. John, would you stop that muttering?

[John Granby]

Mrs. Granby, I really feel that I'm imposing. I just dropped in.

[Martha Granby]

Well, it's absolutely, absolutely no imposition having you here for dinner. That is, unless your wife is expecting you.

[John Granby]

Yes, yes. You don't want to keep your wife waiting, Hank. Oh, I'm not married. There goes my last chance at those lamb chops.

[Martha Granby]

Mother, let's sit down. Mr. Stafford must be famished.

[John Granby]

Yeah, he must be famished. I'm not hungry. I've just been treating the Corns. And six o' clock this morning I have no appetite at all.

[Martha Granby]

Janice, would you start passing things? All right, Mom. Mr. Stafford, have you lived around here in Doveville very long?

[John Granby]

No, just since I was assigned to this area.

[Martha Granby]

Oh, that's nice. Where do you come from? Well, I have a baked potato, Mr. Stafford.

[John Granby]

The name's Hank. Hey, these look wonderful. I love baked potatoes.

[Martha Granby]

Oh, then take true. There's plenty. Mr. Granby never eats them. Do you, John?

[John Granby]

Oh, no. All of a sudden I'm on a diet. I never eat potatoes. I hate potatoes. I hate them worse than lamb chops.

[Martha Granby]

I. I guess your work keeps you busy, Mr. Stafford.

[John Granby]

Not too busy. I manage to sneak off now and then. Go fishing.

[Martha Granby]

Fishing? Oh, you must take Janice sometime. She adores fishing.

[John Granby]

Adores fishing. She can't even open a can of sardines. I wish she could. I could use them right now. Well, Janice, anytime you'd like to go, let me know. I'll be glad to take you.

[Martha Granby]

I'm afraid Mother's a little confused.

[John Granby]

A little confused?

[Martha Granby]

I've never done very much fishing. Oh, but Jan, as you've always been. Hank, won't you have some asparagus?

[John Granby]

Thanks, I will. That figured. I love asparagus. That figured too.

[Martha Granby]

Well, then, take two helpings. There's plenty. John never touches it.

[John Granby]

How can I? I never get near it.

[Martha Granby]

Hank, how about some sliced tomatoes?

[John Granby]

Thanks. I love tomatoes.

[Martha Granby]

Take all you want. There's plenty. John never touches them. Lettuce too.

[John Granby]

Hank, if you have enough.

[Martha Granby]

Oh, sizzling. What about some radishes?

[John Granby]

No, thanks. I don't like radishes. Bingo. Oh, Tom, that rain. I haven't been able to get out of this house to look at the corn for three days.

[Martha Granby]

Well, the rain isn't going to hurt it.

[John Granby]

I know, but I want to see if that NH4 2 so 4 did any good. I don't know if I got rid of the Beatles or not.

[Martha Granby]

John, relax.

[John Granby]

Oh, Martha, why do we have to sit here in the kitchen?

[Martha Granby]

Because Janice is entertaining Henry in the living room.

[John Granby]

Listen to that hyena. He's been here every night, sitting in the parlor with Janice.

[Martha Granby]

John, I'm surprised at you. When we first started going together, we used to sit in the parlor, remember?

[John Granby]

Martha, maybe we'd better go in and keep an eye on them.

[Martha Granby]

Don't forget, when we lived in the city, Janice entertained boys.

[John Granby]

Well, things are different now. She's a farmer's daughter. Martha, is there anything in the icebox? I'm hungry.

[Martha Granby]

Hungry? But we just got up from the dinner table.

[John Granby]

Stafford was here for dinner, remember?

[Martha Granby]

John, I think the rain stopped.

[John Granby]

So it has. I'm going down and take a look at the corn.

[Martha Granby]

Dad, where are you going?

[John Granby]

I'm down to the cornfield. I'll go with you, Mr. Granby. Where't I put on my coat there. That's funny. I can hardly button this coat. You know, since I've been eating dinners here, I must have gained about five pounds. 8. How do you know? Because that's exactly what I've lost. It worked.

[Martha Granby]

It worked.

[John Granby]

Just look at that corn. There isn't a mark on any one of the leaves. I got rid of those beetles. Yes, the corn looks good. Pretty good, Mr. Granby.

[Martha Granby]

Oh, John, it seems to me that this corn has grown 4 or 5 inches in the last few days.

[John Granby]

It has. It has. Well, Stafford, I guess I was right. Those beetles were retarding the growth. You and your sulfate of ammonia. It's a lucky thing I didn't let you talk me out of treating them. That NH4 2 so 4 is wonderful.

[Martha Granby]

NH4 2 so 4. I know that formula. We had it in high school chemistry.

[John Granby]

Oh, you did? What is it?

[Martha Granby]

Sulfate of ammonia.

[John Granby]

Sulfate of ammonia.

[Martha Granby]

Stanford, you.

[John Granby]

You tricked me. Mr. Granby. I knew that's all your corn needed, and that's the only way I could get you to use it. You mean I didn't have beetles? Of course not. But I was so sh. Wait a minute. If I didn't have beetles, then what was it that was chewing on those leaves? Oh, excuse me, folks. Ev, what are you doing out here in the cornfield? I lost something. What? My teeth. E. You mean you've been chewing on these leaves?

[Martha Granby]

Hank, this is something you can write to Washington about.

[John Granby]

What?

[Martha Granby]

A beetle with lower plate wobble?

[John Granby]

We'll be back with the Granby's of Granby's Green Acres in a moment. But first, CBS wishes to remind you that one of radio's most hilarious and fascinating shows is now to be heard on most of these same stations every Tuesday night. It's Candid Microphone, the show that catches people off guard by listening in on concealed microphones. Candid Microphone is completely unrehearsed, Quite uninhibited. Be listening for the latest candid Microphone adventures this Tuesday on cbs. Now back to Grandy's Green Egg.

[Martha Granby]

Dad, this corn is delicious. Oh, it certainly is, John.

[John Granby]

Best corn I've ever tasted. Isn't it good, Ev? Mr. Granby, I just can't eat it. Why not? I still haven't found my teeth. Well, gum your way through it, you Japanese horn tailed beetle. You have just heard Granby Green Acres starring Gail Gordon with V. Benaderet, Louise Erickson, Polly Bear, Horace Murphy and Rye Bilsbury. Tune in next week when Mr. Granby lays an egg. Granby's Green Acres was written by Jay Summers, Jack Harvey and Dave Swift and was directed by Jay Summer Music was composed and conducted by Opie Case. Johnny Jacobs speaking. Now stay tuned for Leave it to Drone with Mellows immediately on most of these same CBS stat. This is CBS where you hear Arthur Godfrey every day. The Columbia Broadcasting special.