Granby's Green Acres 50-07-31 (5) Granby Lays An Egg

Summary

Granby's Green Acres 50-07-31 (5) "Granby Lays An Egg"
Podcast: Harold's Old Time Radio
Date: August 23, 2025
Episode Runtime: ~29 minutes

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Overview

This episode of Granby's Green Acres blends classic sitcom humor with the misadventures of John Granby, a city man turned inept farmer. In “Granby Lays An Egg,” John’s quest to generate income between crop seasons leads to a string of misunderstandings, especially around buying and raising chickens for egg production. The episode satirizes rural life, city naiveté, and family dynamics, offering a window into the mid-century radio comedy style.

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Key Discussion Points & Plot Developments

1. John Granby's Farming Aspirations

• John proclaims to his wife, Martha, that he has left his city bank job to buy a farm, despite lacking experience.
  • (00:58) John: "Martha, we're leaving the city. I quit my job at the bank and bought a farm."
• Martha points out John's lack of expertise, referencing his mix-up with a neighbor’s geraniums.
  • (01:20) Martha: "John, those aren't our geraniums ... they just crawl over here to eat."

2. Bookkeeping and the Farm’s Financial Struggles

• John attempts to balance the household books, highlighting inexperience by miscalculating debts and using the tablecloth as scratch paper.
  • (06:54) John: "Well, according to my figures on the table, class, we owe $2,350,000. How can that be?"
• Martha lightens the situation by blaming 'gravy stains and a noodle' for the errors.
  • (07:02) Martha: "You added in two gravy stains and a noodle, dear."

3. The Chicken or the Mink?

• The family debates possible farm animals for supplemental income. Henry Stafford, the county agent, advocates chickens, while John fancies raising valuable mink.
  • (09:10) Hank: "To raise chickens. It's easy. And you get a good steady income from the eggs."
  • (09:20) John (defiant): "Not only are the skins very valuable, but ... scientific laboratories will pay good prices for mink milk!"
• Janice injects humor about how to get milk from a mink.
  • (09:30) Janice: "All you need is a low stool and tiny fingers."

4. Buying Chickens (Or So He Thought)

• John visits the feed store run by Mr. Kimball, who regales him with long-winded tall tales.
• John finally purchases “chickens,” expecting prolific egg production.
  • (11:24) John: "How many do you want?"
  • (12:01) John: "If they're six months old, they're ready to start laying eggs."
  • (12:12) Mr. Kimball delivers the punchline: the birds are all roosters.
    • Kimball: "If he wants eggs, why, he sure ain't gonna get none from them... They are roosters."

5. Hired Hand Troubles

• John's hired hand, Eb, announces he’s leaving for a rare family reunion, leaving John to manage the roosters alone.
  • (13:28) Eb: "Why do you bother to have them at all? Because it makes the nine years in between worth living."

6. The Mystery of the Non-Laying Chickens

• Days pass, and “the chickens” fail to lay eggs. John’s solutions get more bizarre—hot baths for the chickens, and placing eggs under them to demonstrate what’s expected.
  • (17:18) John: "I even gave them hot baths."
  • (17:53) John: "I want to demonstrate forcibly to the chickens what's expected... Give me the egg. Now slip it underneath."

7. Comedic Family Dinner

• The Granbys host Henry Stafford for dinner, where food rivalry takes center stage as John competes with Henry for the last corn fritter and potatoes.
  • (22:32) John (internal monologue): "The bell pepper. Pass it."
  • (23:01) John: "I never eat potato pancakes. They wouldn't go well with the bell pepper I didn't eat."
• The dinner scene is peppered with interruptions and competitive banter.

8. The Big Reveal: They're ALL Roosters

• At Henry’s insistence, they inspect the flock and discover the birds are roosters—hence, no eggs.
  • (27:20) Henry: "Well, they couldn’t lay eggs. They’re roosters."
  • (27:32) Janice: "Roosters, Dad!"

9. Resolution and Final Jokes

• John vows to buy 200 hens “for each rooster,” the punchline signaling his continued naiveté.
  • (28:14) John: "One for each rooster."
• The episode closes with John calculating potential profits from “egg money,” and Martha quips about carrying it in her purse.
  • (28:55) Martha: "Egg money? But, John, won't that be awfully messy to carry around in my purse?"

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Notable Quotes and Memorable Moments

• On the farm life delusion:
  • (02:23) John: “Where’s the red ink?” (after calculating losses)
• On Mink Milk:
  • (09:24) John: “I think I read somewhere recently that scientific laboratories will pay good prices for mink milk.”
• Janice’s wit:
  • (09:30) Janice: "All you need is a low stool and tiny fingers."
• Mr. Kimball’s yarns:
  • (10:19) Kimball: "Had one prize lay in hen... One day she just passed away from the strain."
  • (10:44) Kimball: "She got caught in a fluctuating market."
• Misunderstanding chicken biology:
  • (16:19) Martha: “Maybe they’ve got chickenpox.”
  • (16:25) John: “Martha, a chicken doesn’t get chickenpox. People get chickenpox.”
• On feeding chickens:
  • (17:18) John: "I even gave them hot baths."
  • (17:30) Martha: "It's a wonder you didn't put them in the Bendix automatic washer."
• Dinner table rivalry:
  • (22:32) John: "The bell pepper. Pass it."
  • (23:01) John: "They wouldn’t go well with the bell pepper I didn’t eat."
• The final confusion:
  • (27:20) Henry: “They’re roosters.”
  • (28:14) John: “One for each rooster.”

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Timestamps for Important Segments

• 00:58 – John announces quitting his job and buying the farm
• 06:54 – John’s back-of-the-envelope bookkeeping
• 09:10–09:51 – Chicken vs. Mink debate
• 11:05–12:33 – Kimball’s tall tales and the rooster mix-up
• 17:18 – John’s misguided chicken care
• 22:00–25:10 – The competitive and comedic family dinner with Henry
• 27:20–28:11 – Discovery of the rooster flock and John’s solution
• 28:43–29:02 – Martha’s “egg money” joke and fade-out

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Tone & Style

Maintaining a blend of gentle ribbing and deadpan family banter, the episode leans on wordplay and the stubbornness of its protagonist. The humor is light, with a rural Americana flavor, poking fun at both city slickers and small town folk.

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Summary

"Granby Lays An Egg" is a classic farce built around city folk’s lack of farming savvy. John Granby’s missteps—aided by unreliable local experts and competing family interests—deliver laughs through misunderstandings and escalating complications. The episode encapsulates a particular 1950s optimism and naiveté, highlighting both the charm and challenges of old-time radio comedies.

Transcript

[A]

Hey everybody, it's Nicole Byer here with some hot takes from Wayfair. A cozy corduroy sectional from Wayfair. Um, yeah, that's a hot take. Go on and add it to your cart and take it. A pink glam night stand from Wayfair. Scalding hot take. Take it before I do. A mid century modern cabinet from Wayfair that doubles as a wine bar. Do I have to say it? It's a hot take. Get [e-mail] and enjoy that free shipping too.

[B]

Wayfair Every style, Every home. Granby's Green Acres City people are always complaining about traffic congestion, the subway rush, small apartments and high prices. Most of them just complain, but every now and then one of them does something about it. Take the case of John Granby. Martha, we're leaving the city. I quit my job at the bank and bought a farm.

[A]

Bought a farm? But John, you don't know anything about farming and growing things.

[B]

Oh, no. Just take a look at that window box. Look at those geraniums. Aren't they tremendous?

[A]

Well, yes.

[B]

Do you know why they're so big? Because I knew what to feed them. I gave them the best plant food that money could buy. I sprinkled charcoal, vitamin B1, bone meal and ground fish in the soil.

[A]

John, those aren't our geraniums.

[B]

They're not?

[A]

No, they belong next door. They just crawl over here to eat.

[B]

Yes, it's Granby's Green Acre. Starring Gail Gordon, B. Benedarett, Louise Erickson, Polly Bear, Horace Murphy, Rye Bilsbury and music composed and conducted by Oki kids. And now Mr. Granby lays an egg. It's early evening at Granby's Green acres on this July 31st. And inside the weather beaten farmhouse we find John Granby seating himself at the dining room table, about to do his monthly bookkeeping. Swiftly he adds up the month's profits, makes a lightning calculation and says, Martyr. Where's the red ink?

[A]

John, must you do your bookkeeping on the dining room table? I want to clear it off.

[B]

Later. Later. Let's see. Eight and nine.

[A]

John, I can't. Martha.

[B]

Martha, I'm trying to concentrate on these accounts. If you'd concentrate on your budget, maybe they wouldn't be so muddled up.

[A]

Why? What did I do wrong?

[B]

Look for yourself.

[A]

Let me see. One pound of macaroni, 22 cents. One package of tea, 10 cents. 22 and 10 is 52 cents. Oh, I see. My mistake now.

[B]

I should hope so.

[A]

I spelled macaroni wrong.

[B]

Never mind. Never Mind, Martha. I'll fix it.

[A]

Shall I get you the dictionary?

[B]

Yes. Look, why don't you find Janice and take a ride to the county seat and see a movie?

[A]

Maybe I will. They're having television night.

[B]

Oh, you mean they're giving away a television set?

[A]

No, they're showing a silent picture.

[B]

I don't care. Do something. Go bowling, shoot pool, anything.

[A]

All right, I'll find Janice and get out of your way.

[B]

Thank you. Now maybe I can get some work done. Where was I? Oh, yes. 8 and 9, 17, 11, 28 and 6 is 34 plus 170 is 2.

[A]

Dad, have you seen Mother?

[B]

Oh. Oh, yes, Janice. She's looking for you.

[A]

Thanks. I'll find her.

[B]

See? 8 and 9 is 17 and 11 is 28 and 6, 34 plus 170 is 2.

[A]

John, have you any idea where Janice might be? Maybe she's out on the porch.

[B]

8 and 9 is 17 and 11 is 26. 6 is 34, plus 170 is 2.

[A]

John, I can't find Mother.

[B]

Janice, I'm trying.

[A]

Don't get mad.

[B]

8 and 9 is 17 and 11 is 28 and 6 is 34, plus 170 is 2.

[A]

But she isn't on the front porch.

[B]

Who isn't on the front porch?

[A]

Janice. Maybe she's on the back porch.

[B]

8 and 9 is 12. 8 and 9 is 17 and.

[A]

Mother.

[B]

8 and 9 is 17.

[A]

Got it.

[B]

8 and 9 is 17 and. And. Wow.

[A]

You're 17 and 4.

[B]

Zero.

[A]

Where can mother be? Maybe she's on the front porch.

[B]

8 and 9 is 17. 11 is 28 and 6 is 34, plus 170 is 200.

[A]

Not on the back porch. Is 2 she isn't.

[B]

Is 2.

[A]

She isn't. I'll try the front porch again.

[B]

8, 9, 17, 11 is 28 and 6, 34 plus 170 is 2. Come in. What?

[A]

I walked around the house. Mother isn't on the back porch either. I'll try the front porch.

[B]

8 and 9 is 17 and 11 is.

[A]

Excuse me.

[B]

28 and 6 is.

[A]

Excuse me.

[B]

34 plus 170 is 2.

[A]

John, have you seen Janice?

[B]

Yes, I have.

[A]

Oh. Well, where is she?

[B]

She left you on the far turn.

[A]

Dad, you should have come to the movies with us. Oh, yes, dear. They had to. John Granby, look what you've done to that tablecloth. You scribbled all over it.

[B]

That isn't scribbling. I've just been using it to figure up our balance.

[A]

Did you find out how we stand that?

[B]

Well, according to my figures on the table, class, we owe $2,350,000. How can that be?

[A]

You added in two gravy stains and a noodle, dear. Exactly how much do we owe?

[B]

$2,350.

[A]

But, Joan, I can't understand it. When you bought this farm, you said there'd be money in it. There is. $2,350. Haven't we taken in anything?

[B]

No, no. And we won't until the fall when we harvest and sell the crop.

[A]

But what does a farmer do between planting and harvesting, weeding and worrying?

[B]

Janice. Janice. Most farmers have some between crop source of income, like raising rabbits, hogs or chickens. Which is what I'm planning to do.

[A]

Oh, what are you going to raise at Mink? Mink?

[B]

Who's that at this hour?

[A]

Oh, that must be Hank Stafford. He said he might drop by after the 4H Club leaders meeting tonight. I'll let him in.

[B]

Martha, is that agricultural encyclopedia here again?

[A]

Now, Henry's a very nice boy. I think you dislike him just because he's a county agent. Knows more about farming than you do.

[B]

Martha. He does not, Ms. Granby.

[A]

Good evening, Henry.

[B]

Hello, Mr. Granby. Yes, Mountain? I'm not interrupting anything important, am I?

[A]

No, dad was just talking. We were discussing the best thing for a farmer to raise while he's waiting to harvest his crops. What do you think, Henry?

[B]

Well, there's rabbits, frogs, chickens.

[A]

What do you think of raising mink?

[B]

Mink? Oh, why, only the stupidest amateur would raise mink. Mr. Granby, you weren't. Oh, yes, Mr. Granby, I hope you understand when I said stupid amateur, you weren't the stupid one I was referring to. Just because you're an amateur doesn't mean you have to be so stupid. Hank, why don't you go back to the 4H club? I'm sure there's something you have to sweep out.

[A]

Now, John, Henry knows more about these things than you do. That's his job. What would be your advice, Henry?

[B]

To raise chickens. It's easy. And you get a good steady income from the eggs. Eggs? What's wrong with mink? Not only are the skins very valuable, but I think I read somewhere recently that scientific laboratories will pay good prices for mink milk. Mink? Milk? I've never heard of such a thing. How in the world would you get milk from a mink?

[A]

It's easy. All you need is a low stool and tiny fingers.

[B]

Janet, will you please.

[A]

Or you can dig a hole and sneak up on them.

[B]

Mr. Granby, you must have Misread that article. Don't tell me what I've misread.

[A]

John Henry knows what he's talking about. If he says chickens, then I say chickens.

[B]

And I say mink.

[A]

Chicken.

[B]

Mink.

[A]

Chicken.

[B]

Look, Martha, I'm the head of this family and I intend to have the last word. I say mink. Ms. Kimball.

[A]

Yeah?

[B]

Do you know where I can buy some chicken? I thought that since you run this feed store, you might know where I could buy them.

[A]

Oh, so you got to raise chickens?

[B]

Yes. Yes. I thought I'd start with about.

[A]

I used to raise chickens back in 07. Had one prize lay in hand. She was a real lollipal loser.

[B]

Yes, but I was.

[A]

That there hen could almost sense the daily market report. When the market went up, she laid 10 or 12 eggs. When the market went down, she'd only.

[B]

Lay one or two.

[A]

One day she just passed away from the strain.

[B]

So what happened?

[A]

She got caught in a fluctuating market.

[B]

Now, that's very interesting, but I'd like to buy some chicken.

[A]

Yep. That was quite a year, all said. And that was a year they found gold on my farm.

[B]

Gold?

[A]

Yep. Charlie Gold escaped from the state penitentiary.

[B]

Look, look.

[A]

He was working in the prison kitchen at the time. Started eating the warden strawberries at 10 boxes all by himself. That's what made him break out.

[B]

Please, Mr. Kimball, do you know where I can some chicken?

[A]

How many do you want?

[B]

Oh, about 200.

[A]

Say, I just remembered. I'm going to pick up some chicken today in payment for a feed bill that told me. There's about. They're about six months old. Rhode island red.

[B]

Oh, Rhode island red. Man couldn't want better egg layers.

[A]

Egg layers? See, that reminds me of a hen I had in all seven.

[B]

Yes, you told me about that.

[A]

Did I tell you about the fluctuating market?

[B]

Yes, yes.

[A]

Did I tell you about finding gold on the farm?

[B]

Yes.

[A]

Gabby old curse, either.

[B]

Mr. Kimball, do you want to sell those chickens?

[A]

Sure. It'll get me back the money for the feed.

[B]

But it's a good deal for me, too. If they're six months old, they're ready to start laying eggs.

[A]

Eggs, Mr. Grandy, I like.

[B]

Now, please, Mr. Kimball, no more stories. Just have those chickens sent out to my farm.

[A]

But he so it. All I wanted to tell him was that if he wants eggs, why, he sure he ain't gonna get none from them. Our chickens. They are roosters.

[B]

We'll return to Granby's Green Acres in a moment. If you happen to be a department store executive and you happen to be looking for a salesgirl. I don't think that you'll find Joan Davis very efficient. She can cause you too much trouble. But if you be happen to be a radio listener and you happen to be looking for laughs, then be listening in over most of these same CBS stations later tonight to hear. Leave it to Joan. Now, here's part two of Granby's Green Acres AB what you want, Mr. Granby? What kind of a hired hand. What are you all dressed up for? We've got a lot of work to do today. I bought 200 chickens. They're going to be delivered this afternoon. Well, I'm going home. You promised me a couple of weeks off. We're having a family reunion. Why does it have to be this week? Well, we only have them once every 10 years. Why don't you have them more often? Because my family just can't stand a sight of each other. Why do you bother to have them at all? Because it makes the nine years in between worth living. EB I wish you could postpone this trip. I need your help with the chickens. Ordinarily, I'd gladly stay, but you see, they're inviting the girls to the reunion specially for me to meet Ev. The chickens are important. Oh, Mr. Granby, the ones I meet ain't exactly chicken. They lean more towards a crow family. Yes. Yes, of course.

[A]

I did meet a girl a few.

[B]

Years back that was kind of nice. Would have married her. She liked me, but her father hated me. Then I met another girl that I'd have married, too. Her father liked me, but she hated me. Well, that's too bad. But I finally met the right one. She liked me and her father liked me. Then why didn't you marry her? Her husband hated me. Ed, I'm in a spot with these chickens. I don't know anything about chickens or eggs. If you get into any trouble, you can always call on Hank Stafford, the county agent. I don't want to do that. Mr. Granby, you will get along. When you first come here, you didn't know how to get milk out of a cow. But you do now. Well, yes, that's right. Of course, there's a different principle to getting milk from a cow and eggs from a chicken. You don't say. All you gotta remember is a cow.

[A]

Pumps it and a chicken dumps it'.

[B]

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[A]

John, look at those chickens. Aren't you glad that you bought them instead of trying to raise mink?

[B]

I don't know yet. We've had them for three days now, 200 of them, and so far they haven't laid one egg. I wonder what's wrong with them.

[A]

Maybe they're sick.

[B]

Sick?

[A]

Well, yes, dear. Maybe they've got chickenpox.

[B]

Martha, a chicken doesn't get chickenpox. People get chicken pox.

[A]

Well, what do chickens get? People pox. John, why don't you send for Henry Stafford?

[B]

Henry Stafford? He's the one that got me into this. He's the one who told me to buy chickens. I'll find out what's wrong with them myself. Maybe they're too young. Maybe they don't know how to lay eggs. Maybe they have to be shown.

[A]

John, send for Henry.

[B]

I will not. If these chickens have got to be shown how to lay an egg, I'll do it. Martha. Martha, I'm worried. Why don't those chickens lay any eggs? It's been five days now. I've been giving them the best care. I feed them, give them fresh water every day. I even gave them hot baths.

[A]

Oh, John, I'm sure you don't have to give chickens hot baths.

[B]

Well, I thought it might relax them. Anyway, it doesn't hurt to keep them clean.

[A]

It's a wonder you didn't put them in the Bendix automatic washer.

[B]

Oh, that's ridiculous. Besides, the spinning would have made them dizzy. Hold still, Jake. Hold it. Martha. Martha, hand me that egg.

[A]

Oh, John, this is the silliest idea I ever heard of putting an egg under each chicken.

[B]

It is not a silly idea. I want to demonstrate forcibly to the chickens what's expected. Expected of them. Give me the egg. Now slip it underneath. Hold still. Hold still. Now, chick, sit on it. What happened? That chicken nearly jumped out the window.

[A]

That egg has been in the ice box all day.

[B]

Martha, what's that in the frying pan?

[A]

Eggs. Eggs.

[B]

Martha, they did it. I told you they would.

[A]

Ha ha.

[B]

They did it. They did it. I told you they what?

[A]

These eggs are from the supermarket. 49 cents a dozen.

[B]

Oh, no. Why did this have to happen to me? There are millions of chickens in this country happily cackling every time they lay an egg. But do mine have any eggs to cackle over? No. They can't even peep over a ping pong ball.

[A]

John, dinner's ready.

[B]

I'm not hungry, Martha.

[A]

Oh, John, you didn't eat any lunch.

[B]

I'm not hungry.

[A]

It's silly to let those chickens affect you this way. Why don't you ask Henry Stafford to help you?

[B]

Martha, as far as I'm concerned. Henry Stafford.

[A]

John. Now, John, you two should be friends.

[B]

Why?

[A]

Well, you know, he's been coming around here two or three nights a week and well, who knows, he and Janice might get married.

[B]

I forbid it.

[A]

You can't.

[B]

Oh, no. You have to come to me for my consent. Just as I had to go to your father to get his consent. Just my luck. I had to catch him when he was sober.

[A]

What did you say?

[B]

It was a lucky day in October.

[A]

Mrs. John, that isn't what you said. You said something about my father being sober. Now apologize. Say you're sorry.

[B]

All right, I'm sorry your father was sober. I mean, it kind of slipped out.

[A]

John. I'll remember that.

[B]

Oh no, I didn't mean it. Forgive me. I'm so upset about those chickens, I don't know what I'm saying.

[A]

Oh, I know you are, dear. Come on in and eat dinner.

[B]

Honestly, I'm not hungry.

[A]

But I cooked everything you like. Corn fritters, potato pancakes, and stuffed bell.

[B]

Peppers with cheese sauce.

[A]

Uh huh. Tempt you?

[B]

When do we eat?

[A]

Come on into the dining room. Everything's on the table. Oh, thanks, Janet. Doesn't it look good?

[B]

Oh, wonderful. You know, Martha, I really am hungry.

[A]

Well, there are three bell peppers. One for each of us. Help yourself.

[B]

All right, I'll help you. Who's that?

[A]

Oh, that must be Hank. We're going to see a reissue of all quiet in the Western front. I'll let him in. All right, dear. Henry's a nice boy, isn't he?

[B]

Why does he always arrive precisely at dinner time? He's always so hungry. Never saw anybody eat as much as that man. I don't care if he does. Good evening, Mrs. Granby.

[A]

Hello, Henry.

[B]

Hello, Mr. Granby. Good night, Monsieur I hope I'm not interrupting your dinner.

[A]

We haven't started yet. Won't you join us, Henry?

[B]

Martha, we only have three bell peppers. Thanks, Mrs. Granby, but I've already eaten. You have? Yes. Well, pull up a chair, Henry, and sit down. Makes it all comfortable. Too thick. Now, please go on with your dinner and don't mind me. We won't, Martha. Help yourself and pass the bell peppers.

[A]

All right, dear? Yes. Janice, take yours. Thanks. Hank, would you pass this bell pepper to dad?

[B]

Why, certainly. I'd be glad. Gee, that smells good. A bell pepper. That's what it is. Pass it right over here, Hank. Gee, bell peppers, just like my mother always makes. That's fine, fine. Pass it along like a good boy. Mrs. Granby, what kind of seasoning did you use in this? Pass the bell pepper.

[A]

I always use sage, thyme and curry.

[B]

Pass the bell pepper. My mother uses a sprig of bay leaf. Pass the bell pepper.

[A]

Mom uses that too.

[B]

The bell pepper. Pass it.

[A]

Henry, are you sure you wouldn't like to try one?

[B]

Of course not. He's already eaten past the bell pepper. Well, on second thought, yes, I think I will. Oh, no.

[A]

Help you down.

[B]

What about Mr. Granby? I wouldn't like to take his bell pepper.

[A]

Oh, John doesn't like them. He never eats bell peppers. What are you saying, John? You know they disagree with you, don't they?

[B]

Yes, they disagree with me. How do I know if they disagree with me? I haven't gotten close enough to argue with them. This is great. Just like my mother always makes. Just like my mother always makes. His mother is such a good cook. Why doesn't he eat at home?

[A]

Where is your mother, Hank?

[B]

Nebraska. I'd gladly buy him a ticket back there one way. Of course, he eats everything in sight. Hey, maybe I can get that potato pancake before he spots it. Martha, is that a potato pancake? Mrs. Grant? How do you like that? Not only takes the food out of my mouth, but the words too.

[A]

Oh, do you like the potato pancakes, Henry?

[B]

Oh, I love them. Now, that was a stupid question.

[A]

Then take it, Henry.

[B]

Oh, no, I couldn't go on what I just ate.

[A]

Oh, but they're really.

[B]

Martha, don't force him. Janice, pass me the potato pancake.

[A]

Sure, dad. Hank, would you pass this, please?

[B]

No, no, wait. I'll come down and get it.

[A]

John, sit down. Henry will pass this it to you.

[B]

What odds are you quoting? Why, certainly, Mr. Granby. I'll be glad to. Hey, that sure smells good to him. Everything smells good. I wish he had a cold. Mrs. Granby. Did you make this with an egg and onion batter? Hank, past potato pancakes?

[A]

Oh yes. I always cook them that way.

[B]

Just like my mother always makes them. Why didn't he spend more time playing baseball and less time in the kitchen spying on his mother? He'd just leave them.

[A]

Why don't you try that potato pancake, Henry? Mr. Granby never eats them. Do you, John?

[B]

Oh, no, I never eat potato pancakes. They wouldn't go well with the bell pepper I didn't eat.

[A]

Come on, Henry, help yourself. You're among friends.

[B]

That's just her opinion. All right, if you insist. Oh, this is great.

[A]

You know, I'm passing on all these recipes to Janice.

[B]

Really, all I can say is, if she's anything like you, whoever gets her will be getting a first class cook. Whoever gets him will be getting a first class snook. Uh oh. Oh look, there's one corn fritter left. I'm starved.

[A]

Hank, what time do we have to leave for the movies?

[B]

Oh, we have plenty of time. My only chance to get that corn critter is to divert his attention. I won't talk about corn critters.

[A]

I'll talk about John. What are you mumbling about?

[B]

I wasn't mumbling, Martha. I was telling Hank about. About my chickens. Oh, I didn't hear you. What about them, Mr. Granby? Oh, well, I'm. I'm having trouble with them. What's wrong? Well, they're not laying any corn fritters. I mean.

[A]

Oh, I'd forgotten all about the corn fritters. Henry, does your mother ever make them?

[B]

No, she doesn't. Well, happy Mother's Day and pass the fritter.

[A]

Right this way. Henry. The chickens are in the barn.

[B]

I'm right behind you.

[A]

Dad, we're going to be late for the picture. Can't you walk any faster?

[B]

How can I? I'm weak with hunger. Mr. Granby, if you were having trouble with your chickens, you should have told me about it a long while ago.

[A]

Well, John is so stubborn, he never can swallow his pride.

[B]

If I'd known what was going to happen at dinner, I would have.

[A]

Here we are, Henry.

[B]

Look, why don't you two run along and see the movie? Mr. Granby, I insist on looking at your chickens. You're in trouble and it's my job to help you. Duty before pleasure, I always say. I thought you said just like Mother always makes.

[A]

Now John, it'll only take a moment. Open the door.

[B]

You want to oil that hinge, Mr. Granby. Look, are you A building inspector or a chicken inspector?

[A]

Glug in, Henry. There they are, Hank.

[B]

Okay, Mr. Expert, take a look at them and tell us why they aren't laying eggs. Why are they? Well, what is so funny? Well, they couldn't lay eggs. They're roosters. What?

[A]

Rooster's. Dad. John Granby, how could you have made such a stupid mistake? Well.

[B]

I don't know why.

[A]

Dad, I'm going to have to take you aside and have a little talk with you.

[B]

Now, look, I never bought chickens before.

[A]

Oh, you did, too. When we lived in the city, you often went to the butcher for me and bought them.

[B]

Yes, but I couldn't tell whether I was getting a hen or a rooster.

[A]

You couldn't?

[B]

No, the head was always cut off.

[A]

Well, John, what are you going to do about those roosters?

[B]

Well, I'll buy 200 hens.

[A]

200 hens? What for?

[B]

One for each rooster. Now, once again, we're back at Granby's Green Acres. 8 and 9 is 17 and they're.

[A]

Oh, John, I. Oh, I thought you'd finished all your bookkeeping.

[B]

Oh, I have. I'm just trying to estimate how much profit we're going to make from our hymns.

[A]

Oh. Well, how does it look? Oh, pretty good.

[B]

In fact, I might venture to say that soon you'll be able to buy yourself a lot of little luxuries with the egg money.

[A]

Egg money? But, John, won't that be awfully messy to carry around in my purse?

[B]

8 or 9 or 17.

[A]

Good night, John.

[B]

Good night, Martha. 8 or 9 or 17.

[A]

Good Night, Dad.

[B]

Oh, you have just heard. Granby Green Acres starring Gail Gordon, Lee Benedarrett, Louise Erickson, Harley Bair, Horace Murphy and Rye Bilsbury. Tune in next week when Mr. Granby breaks down. Granby's Green Acres was written by Jay Summers, Jack Harvey and Dave Swift. Was directed by Jay Summers. Music was composed and conducted by Obie Gates. Johnny Jacobs speaking. Stay tuned for Leave it to John, starring Joan Davis. Following immediately on most of these things, CBS pictures this CBS where Mystery Theater fascinates you. On Tuesday night, the Columbia Broadcasting System. You don't need to be ripped, you just need the right shirt. Epic Fits gives you a clean, confident silhouette. Snug on the arms, soft on the skin, generous where it counts. And with deals like $15 per tee, they won't break the bank. Visit epicfits.com today. Epic fits t shirts that get it.