Hancock's Half Hour 1956.xx.xx Hancocks Wedding

Summary

Podcast Summary: Harold's Old Time Radio

Episode: Hancock's Half Hour – Hancock's Wedding (1956.xx.xx)

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Episode Overview

This lively episode of "Hancock's Half Hour" centers on Sid's unexpected bout of romantic passion and the comedic chaos that ensues as he attempts—and spectacularly fails—to propose to Griselda Pugh, Hancock's formidable secretary. As his friends try to coach him through the art of courtship, a farcical series of misunderstandings, mistaken proposals, and accidental marriages unfolds. Classic character banter and escalating predicaments keep the audience laughing from start to finish.

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Key Discussion Points & Narrative Beats

1. Sid's Uncharacteristic Mood (00:42–03:45)

• Sid appears unusually sentimental and generous, rattling Hancock and Bill, who suspect he's "up to something."
  • Sid refrains from his usual schemes—he doesn’t con anyone or confiscate street musicians' earnings, instead tipping them and requesting a love song.
  • "Some guy at the bar dropped half a crown. Sid just stood there and let him pick it up... Gave the violinist a couple of bob and asked him to play 'My September Love.'" (02:05 - Hancock)

2. The Shocking Truth: Sid Is in Love (03:45–08:37)

• Sid confesses to Hancock and Bill that he is "in love"—to their shock and initial disbelief.
  • Hancock treats his admission as a medical emergency, “Ring for the doctor. I think he’s on his way.” (06:08 - Hancock)
  • The object of his affection is revealed: Griselda, Hancock’s stern secretary.
  • Sid seeks Hancock's help in proposing, admitting bashfulness and a lack of romantic experience.

3. Romantic Strategies & The Practice Proposal (08:37–14:06)

• Hancock shares his supposed "techniques" for wooing women, poking fun at his own bravado and notorious lack of success.
  • "What I don't know about women could be written on the top of a pinhead with a pneumatic jewel." (09:41 - Hancock)
• Sid and Hancock rehearse a romantic scene, with Hancock leading Sid through florid lines and theatrical gestures.
  • The rehearsal is so convincing that Griselda overhears and mistakes the practice for a real proposal.

4. The Accidental Engagement (14:06–16:44)

• Griselda, misinterpreting the scene, accepts Hancock’s "proposal," and immediately begins to plan the wedding.
  • "Oh, Anthony, darling, I’ve been praying that you would ask me. Of course I will." (14:41 - Griselda)
  • Sid is now furious at Hancock for inadvertently stealing his intended.
  • Hancock protests: “Trying to help you. I’ve landed myself right in the cart.” (15:50 - Hancock)

5. Desperate Escape Attempts (16:44–21:30)

• Hancock tries an escalating series of outlandish schemes to dissuade Griselda—declaring hereditary madness, illness, and even a fake family in Afghanistan. Each time, Griselda doubles down on her resolve:
  • "It is not generally known that I am weak in the head… I am the most congenital." (18:57 - Hancock's letter)
  • "Much as I was shocked by the contents, I feel now more than ever that it is my duty to marry you and look after you till death do us part." (19:59 - Griselda’s reply)
  • Sid menaces Hancock with dark threats for “stealing” Griselda but Hancock is trapped by Griselda’s determination and legal threats: “If you don’t marry me tomorrow, I shall sue you for every penny you’ve got.” (21:30 - Griselda)

6. The Wedding Day Fiasco (21:30–30:44)

• The episode crescendos at the registry office, where Hancock’s every attempt to derail the ceremony is for nought.
• The Registrar, played for comic effect as a nervous ex-undertaker, barely manages proceedings and confesses frequent mistakes in weddings:
  • "One I got right, two I married to the best man and one to the organist." (27:10 - Registrar)
• The marriage ceremony is a shambles of confusion—misplaced rings, fumbled vows, and accidental hand-holding result in the final calamity: Hancock ends up married to the Registrar instead of Griselda.
  • "How was I to know? All those hands wrapped around each other. I didn’t know I’d married you." (30:30 - Hancock)

7. Finale & Aftermath

• With Hancock unintentionally "married" to the Registrar, Griselda turns to Sid for comfort, and the cast reels in the chaos.
  • Hancock resignedly closes: “As I was saying, I’ve never been so humiliated, embarrassed in all my life.” (31:48 - Hancock)

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• Sid's Sentimental Awakening:

  • "A little voice within me whispered… Sid, you’ve been drinking… That whispered Sid, you’re in love." (05:34 - Sid)

• Practice Proposal Turns Real:

  • "Griselda, you look ravishing." / "Oh, Sydney." (12:23–12:25 - Sid & Griselda)
  • "Sydney, will you marry me?" / "Oh, yes." (12:58–13:02 - Sid & Griselda)

• Unstoppable Griselda:

  • "Oh, this is the happiest day of my life… You were always a shy boy. That’s why you sent Sydney in. I know." (14:51 - Griselda)
  • "If you don’t marry me tomorrow, I shall sue you for every penny you’ve got." (21:30 - Griselda)

• Wedding Chaos:

  • "I used to be an undertaker." / "That’s a change from weddings, isn’t it?" / "No, same thing, only different motorcar." (25:37–25:48 - Registrar & Sid)
  • "One I got right, two I married to the best man and one to the organist." (27:10 - Registrar)
  • "I didn’t know I’d married you." (30:30 - Hancock)

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Timestamps for Important Segments

• Sid’s transformation is discussed: 00:42–03:45
• Sid confesses his love: 03:45–08:37
• Romantic rehearsal and proposal mishap: 08:37–14:49
• Engagement becomes inescapable: 14:49–16:44
• Elaborate failed escape attempts: 16:44–21:30
• Registry office and wedding mayhem: 21:30–31:18
• Final catastrophe and closing: 31:18–31:48

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Tone & Comedy Style

The episode is marked by classic British farce—verbal wit, slapstick misunderstandings, dry asides, and escalating disasters. The banter between the cast is sharp, with much of the humor coming from exaggerated characters (Sid’s crook-turned-lover, Griselda’s bulldozer romanticism, Hancock’s self-important awkwardness) and their comic interpretations of "love" and "marriage."

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Conclusion

“Hancock’s Wedding” brilliantly weaves romantic blunders with satirical commentary on societal expectations, commitment, and courtship. Fans of old-time radio and British comedy will delight in the whirlwind of misunderstandings and the indomitable, hilarious personalities at play. Whether it’s Sid’s transformation from schemer to hopeless suitor or Hancock’s doomed attempts at escape, this episode resonates as one of the show’s finest comic set pieces.

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Transcript

[A]

We present Tony Hancock, Sydney James, Bill Kerr, Hattie Jakes and Kenneth Williams in Hancock's Al. Hey, Tub, have you seen Sid lately? No, not since he sold me the tickets for last year's Cup Final. When was that? Yesterday. Well, I met him this morning and I don't know this. There's something different about him. He's. He's changed, Tub. He was putting on an act. How much did he touch you for? Nothing. He bought me a drink. Sid. Bortude, I don't like this. It's the lull before the storm. He's up to something. He's hatching something out. I think we'd better stay in for a couple of weeks. No, I don't think so. I've never seen Sid this way before. He's so quiet, sitting there staring into his glass of beer. He was miles away. Some guy at the bar dropped half a crown. Sid just stood there and let him pick it up. You mean he didn't put his foot on it and tell the bloke to look somewhere else? Oh, he didn't seem to notice it. Then when he left, he gave the violinist outside a couple of bob. A couple of bob? He usually flashes his forged police badge and confiscates the take ins. Not this time. Gave him a couple of bob and asked him to play My September Love. Well, I don't know. I don't know, but this is most odd. Certainly not like the Sid I know. I wonder what's happened. Well, perhaps he's got a letter from his granny. You know, they always affect him that way. No, no, no. Couldn't be that she's not out yet. There's more in this than meets the eye. He's trying to lull us into a false sense of security. Ready for him to make his coup de grace. To quote a foreign language, he's planning a big killing. And I think he sees this as the knacker's yard. Oh, that'll be Sid. All right, all right, don't panic. Put the valuables in the little safe. Put the little safe in the big safe and hide it. Swallow the keys. That's it, Mike. All right, Cook. Mind if I come in? Keep your distance. Just one minute. Raise your right hand. You solemnly swear not to pinch anything or in any way lay hands on or tamper with any of the furniture, teachers and biddings or remove same with intent to let your hierarch to a third party for personal gain or in any other way make a right steamer out of yours truly, so long as you shall Remain under this roof, so help you? I do. And do you, William Montmorency Beaumont curse, spinster of this parish? No, no, never mind. I'm sor. Get carried away, Sid. You've given me your word. Yes, all right. Well, come on in then. Oh, now, what can I do for you? I want to talk to you man to man. William, leave the room. No. I'm two years older than you. How do you expect me to learn about life if you keep sending me up to bed? This may not be for your ears. Go and play with the soldiers. No, I'm staying here. They are precocious these days, you know. Go on, Sid. Sid, spell it out. What is it? Is it a w o m a n y e s? Not every word, Sid. Only the important ones. We shall be here all day. So it's a w o m a n. Yeah, I thought so. A w o m a n. Are you. Are you in t r O T R T R U. Well, what about her, then? Well, it's like this. Well, go on. I'm a man of the world. Well, I don't know how to say. You're amongst friends, Sydney. Well, get them. Meet. Well, you promise you won't laugh, will you? Of course not. I'm in love. You said you wouldn't laugh. I'm going. No, no, don't go. Sid. No, no, Sid, I'm sorry. Look, I'm not laughing. I realize it's not funny. Oh, dear, oh, dear. Cupid with a black mask on. Well, I admit it's a bit of a turn up. I never felt this way before. I never had much to do with women. Just a little slap and tickle with the police women when they took me in, you know, just to be sociable. Yes, of course. But this is different. It's got me right here, right next to me shoulder. Ulster. Oh, isn't that romantic? Mm. Straight out of netta musket. Isn't really. Hit me. When I woke up yesterday morning. I was laying in my little room. I rubbed my eyes and suddenly the world was a better place. I heard the little birdies twittering away in the trees. And the merry little cry to the children on the way to school. The jolly calls of the tradesmen as they fly their wares along the street. The flowers waved and bent their heads towards me in silent greeting. And then suddenly old Mr. Sun poked his merry round face above a chimney as if to say, morning, Sydney. And I was suddenly aware of the little golden sunbeams dancing on me counterpane. And a Little voice within me whispered, sid, you've been drinking. You've been. Now wait ten minutes, Westbrid. Sid, you're in love. Well, who is she? Your secretary, Ms. Pugh. Oh, no, Sid, not grizzly. Griselda, if you don't mind. I'm in love with her, Hancock. Bill, put the kettle on. Loosen his boots. Make some tea. Wrap him up in blankets. Ring for the doctor. I think he's on his way. He's on his way. He's going. There's nothing wrong with me. I feel wonderful. I never felt better in my life. Well, that's fine then. What's all the trouble about? What do you want to talk to me for? Well, Griselda doesn't know how I feel about her yet. I'm not even sure she likes me. I shouldn't think she's in a position to be fussy. Well, I haven't plighted me trot yet. I should hope not. Well, you see, Hancock Allard, I'm very bashful. Especially with skirts. I don't know what to say to her. I go all red whenever she looks at me. I come all over funny. Me heart thumps and when she sits on my lap, my legs turn to jelly. Crush to jelly is the expression. Yeah. I go all tongue tied when I'm with her. I just can't pluck up enough courage to ask her to marry me. So that's why I've come to you. You want Todd to marry you. Why don't you keep quiet? Idiot. You're determined to go through with this? Yes. All right, then. What do you want me to do? Well, she's your secretary. You don't have to worry about that. Your loss is our gain. Take her, please. We've been trying to get rid of her for weeks. Oh, no, no. What I meant was. Well, she's your secretary. You know all about her. How do you think I would have proposed to her? I'm so shy with girls, I don't know how to go about it. Why ask me? Wow. You're a man of the world. True, true. He's right. He's right. He's right. I can't deny my own reputation. When I was in the Navy first down the plank Hancock they called me. Never off it a string of broken hearts From Melbourne Mary to Scarbo flow Pride of the Home fleet In the terror of the China seas One look at me square rig they went berserk. You're right, Sid. You summed me up. What I don't know about women could be Written on the top of a pinhead with a pneumatic jewel. So you want my advice on how to go about it? If you don't mind. A pleasure, Sidney. Only too pleased to give the novice the benefit of me. Ten years of debauchery. The point is which technique to use. How about technique 23? Very racy, that one. Rio de Janeiro, 1945. That was margarita. A peasant girl. Not unlike your own case. She said she wanted to marry me. No, no, no, no, no. I said I wanted to marry her. You wanted to marry her? No. But you've got to tell them something, haven't you? She was distant and proud, so I impressed her with me wealth. I bought a tandem. Never fails. Get them out in the country next to Mother Nature, it gets them going in no time. Tandem, eh? No, I don't think so. I might have to do all the peddling. That's true. You'd need legs like oak trees to shift her. Well, then, it'll just have to be the old favorite, Sid. The romantic music, the bunch of flowers, the box of chalks, and down on one knee. She won't do that. You. You great lump. All right, I'm down on one knee and she's knocking back her chocolates. Now what do I say? You won't have to say anything. She's so anxious to marry somebody. As soon as you're down on your knees, you'll be right in the invitation. Sir. Now, look, I'm only doing this once in my lifetime, and I want to do it properly. What do I say? All right. Now listen. Sweep her off her feet. Yes. Play the great lover. You've got a. You've got a line on the sofa. You see? Yeah. You put the sexy music on the gramophone. You throw open the door, and then you stand there framed in the doorway, the old silk dressing gown glinting in the candlelight. The music rises to a crescendo. You glide across the room and take her hand. Go on. You sweep her in your arms, crush her to your aching breasts, Shower her with kisses and beg her to be your wife. Well, I can see it now. It's all framed in me mine. I can hear the music playing as she lays on that south aisle. Griselda.

[B]

Sydney.

[A]

Griselda. Griselda. Now, what do I say? Oh, glide across the room. Take your hand and sweep it into your arms. Oh, yes. Yes, that's right. I'll start again. I can see it all now. Griselda.

[B]

Sydney.

[A]

Griselda, you look ravishing.

[B]

Oh, Sydney.

[A]

Now, don't move. Don't spoil such a vision of loveliness.

[B]

Oh, my darling. Come to my arms.

[A]

Oh, you fascinating creature. You inflame a man's senses. Kiss me. Kiss me, you tantalizing siren, you.

[B]

Now, Sydney, this is madness.

[A]

No, it's not. We're in love. Don't let's deny ourselves this magical moment.

[B]

Oh, Sydney. Sydney. Sydney.

[A]

Griselda.

[B]

Yes, Sidney?

[A]

Will you marry me?

[B]

Oh, yes. Yes, dear.

[A]

Aunt, kiss me. Come, let us dance. Stop waltzing around the room with a standard lamp. I've got it. An I've got it. I can see it all now. I've got it all worked out on me. Mind's eye, romantic. Sweep her off her feet. Well, go on then. Go in and try it. Where is she? In her office. Now, go on, boy. Throw open the door, brush to her side and overwhelm her. Right. Here we go. Why don't you nail that coffee town? What happened? I slid on the carpet, banged into her, bounced off. She finished up in a fireplace with her head in a cold scuttle. And I said, griselda, darling, you look ravishing. What did she say? She hit me with her typewriter. What a fiasco. Sydney, you shouldn't have given her a chance. You should have pretended nothing had happened. You should have taken hold of her hand and said something like, griselda, my little dove, I know I'm unworthy of you, but I love you. Marry me and make me the happiest man in the world.

[B]

Oh, Anthony, darling, I've been praying that you would ask me that. Of course I will.

[A]

Then we'll go down. Pardon?

[B]

This is the happiest day of my life.

[A]

No, I don't think you quite understand.

[B]

Oh, I do understand. Oh, you were always a shy boy. That's why you sent Sydney in. I know. My dearest, you don't have to explain to me.

[A]

But I do. I wasn't proposing to you then. I. I was demonstrating. You see, I.

[B]

Of course you were going to wait till we know. But don't let's wait. Let's do it right away. I'll write out the invitation.

[A]

I told you. I told you. Look, dear, dear, it's Sid who wants to marry you.

[B]

Oh, I'm sure he does. And I'm very flattered, Sidney, but after all, first come, first serve. Oh, I must get the band's foot up. Till tonight, dearest heart now this is my lovely day this is the day I will remember the day.

[A]

Wasn'T my fault, Sid. You saw what happened. I didn't Have a chance. If you take my little girl away from me, Hancock, I'll break every bone in your head. I don't want her. It's not my hammer at all. Great big ugly thing, she is. Don't you insult my intended. She's not your intended now she's mine. That's what bothers me, trying to help you. I've landed myself right in the cart. But what are we gonna do? You mustn't marry her. I don't intend to. You're welcome to her. But she don't want me. She wants you. So do a thousand other women. I can't just throw myself down the drain like this. We've got to work out a planner campaign. Well, it's gonna be very difficult. She's a very determined girl. Once she sets her mind on something, she plows through like a steamroller. A very apt description. You leave it to me, Sid. I'll think of something. I hear she set the date Tub. Shut up. Well, has she? Two weeks from today. If you must gloat. Well, why don't you just tell her that you're not gonna marry her? I can't get near her. I haven't seen her since that tragic day it all happened. She's just going ahead with all the arrangements and sending me all the bills. 300 quid for a trousseau. Well, that's not surprising. They had to reopen three cotton mills to do it. If only I could get to see her just for a minute. But no. She said it's unlucky for the bride and groom to meet before the wedding ceremony. If only I could persuade her it's unlucky to meet after it, I might go through with it. Well, you'd better hurry up and do something. I saw Sid sharpening his bicycle chain yesterday. Don't. Right. Don't panic. Don't panic. Put yourself together. Don't worry. Don't worry. I'll think of something, dear. Bill, where's the chair? Chair. Quick, put the chair underneath me. Why? What's wrong? Oh, my aunt. My aunt, the old aunt. I've just had a very nasty shock. I just caught her down the high street trying on her wedding dress. Oh, it was ghastly. She looked like Moby Dick, the white whale. Well, you gotta do something. There's only three. Sid called round again this morning. What did he say? Oh, I didn't see him. I just found the ace of spades stuck on the front door with a big knife. You haven't got much time left. Hub. Don't worry, Bill. Don't worry. I'll think of something. Dear Griselda, the nearer our wedding day gets, the more I think you ought to know something about my past. It is not generally known that I am weak in the head. Centuries of inbreeding amongst the aristocratic Hancocks have unfortunately resulted in a long line of congenital idiots, of which I am the most recent and the most congenital. I will therefore not hold you to your bond, hoping this finds you as it leaves me hanging upside down from the chandelier in tropical kit. I am your protector.

[B]

Dear Anthony. I am a receipt of yours of the 23rd instant. Much as I was shocked by the contents, I feel now more than ever that it is my duty to marry you and look after you till death do us part. You're ever loving and devoted.

[A]

Dear Griselda, forgive the spidery writing that I'm not well again. I'm lying in bed in the throes of another attack of the plague. I knew those three years playing the piano in the opium density of Shanghai would catch up on me sooner or later. It's our bad luck it should happen on the eve of our wedding. But I'm sure you will understand that I can no longer hold you.

[B]

Dearest, darling Anthony. How could I desert you in your hour of need? I will send a stretcher to bring you to the ceremony. Have patience, my darling.

[A]

Dearest Griselda. Surprise, surprise. My wife and 15 children, whom I thought dead, arrived today. Arrived today from Afghanistan. Ah, yes. Of course. I can now no longer hold you to our bond. I am yours truly.

[B]

Dear Mr. Hancock, if you don't marry me tomorrow, I shall sue you for every penny you've got.

[A]

Dear Miss Pugh. See you in church. You ready, Tub? The car's waiting as I'm ready. How do I look? Oh, very smart. I like you with white hair. It turned in me sleep last night. If you can call it sleep. Ankle deep in fag ends when I got up this morning. Incidentally, Sid sent some flowers around this morning. Oh, that was nice of him. It was a wreath. He's still annoyed, then? Annoyed? He's going berserk. Don't worry, Bill. Don't worry. I just had. I thought of something. Come on, let's get in the car. All right, driver, to the airport. Well, here we are, Tub. The registrar's office. He's thought of everything. Why didn't somebody tell me her brother was driving the car? I'm cornered. Look, you've still got a chance. Perhaps she hasn't Turned up. What if I know her? She's been here with her thermos since they opened yesterday morning. Hello, Hancock. Hello, Sid. What are you doing here? I thought I'd find you here. What, the registry office? No, no, you've got it wrong. Just passing by on my way to the post office. Just hobbling down to get me supplementary petrol coupon. Give me that. I saw my little Griselda arrive a few minutes ago. I'm warning you, Hancock, you'll never carry her across the threshold now. But a gang of us might be able to manage it. I'm coming in with you to see what happens. You better hurry up and think of something, chum. Because if you marry her, there'll be a lot of confetti all over the pavement. And very nice too. And most of it'll be you. Oh, I see. Oh, don't worry, Sid. Don't worry. I'll think of something. But don't worry, Sid. I'll take it from me. You got about three minutes, mate. Here comes the register. Yes, I'll appeal to him. I'll get him to stop the ceremony. Your Honor, before we start the contest, I'd like to say this marriage has been forced upon me. I've had a change of heart. The good lady is not for me. It's a ghastly mistake. I think we'd best forget all about it and go home.

[C]

Oh, go on. You're the fourth one.

[A]

Oh, well, we're all right now. Anything he does can't be legal. 10 to 1 he's bought the wrong form.

[C]

No, I haven't. Now then, what are we launching this boat for?

[A]

This is a wedding.

[C]

Oh, yes, of course. Where's the bride? Here I am. Oh. You sure it's not a launching?

[B]

Get on with it, you idiot.

[C]

I am and I do mine. Takes all sorts to make a world. Well, now, we are gathered here today to witness the joining together of these two people in matrimony. Not bad for a beginner, am I?

[A]

No, I'm very good.

[C]

I've got a good voice for it, haven't I? It's sort of commanding.

[A]

Yes, I, I, I would have said stentorian. You. You haven't been here long, then?

[C]

No, it's my first day. I used to be an undertaker.

[A]

That's a change from weddings, isn't it?

[C]

No, same thing, only different motorcar.

[A]

Well, you have me fooled. If I'd seen you in a crowd at a football match or in the tube, I'd have picked you out straight away.

[C]

Would you?

[A]

Yes. Got registrar written all over you. Go on. No, no, no, really. It's your bearing. It's the way you sort of hold.

[C]

Your head so one side with the right eyelid drooping.

[A]

And the weak mouth, the quizzical look. That's it.

[B]

That's it.

[A]

Brainy, Brainy like. Like George Bernard Shaw without the beard. The sort of man I'd follow to the ends of the earth.

[C]

Well, I only live at Clapham.

[A]

All right, then, I'll follow you.

[B]

Come back. I'm waiting to get married.

[C]

Oh, go on, then. Don't take no notice about you are conducting the ceremony. Oh, I am? All right, then. We are gathered here today to witness George Bernard Shaw without the beard.

[A]

Eh? A dead ringer with a. With just a dash of H.G. wills, of course. Oh, of course.

[C]

You're a very observant man.

[A]

May I say you command the utmost trust. I bet you never make any mistakes.

[C]

No, no, not infallible. Now, four weddings I've had here this morning. One I got right, two I married to the best man and one to the organist.

[B]

Do you mind? Can we get on with the ceremony? I'm hungry.

[C]

All right.

[A]

Right.

[C]

We are gathered here.

[B]

We've been through that.

[A]

Let him do it. I like that bit. Give the gentle, fair earring, please.

[B]

I know what you're trying to do. You're trying to get out of it. Well, it won't work. Get to the I do bits.

[A]

Do you?

[C]

Anthony Aloysius St. John.

[A]

Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey. What about the old. We are gathered here. Then I insist on a fair trial.

[B]

Start with the I do.

[A]

I know my rights. We are gathered here. All right.

[C]

We are gathered here.

[B]

So.

[C]

Do you take this man to be your husband?

[A]

I do.

[C]

I now pronounce.

[B]

Wait a minute.

[A]

What about asking me?

[C]

Do you?

[A]

No.

[C]

Well, wait till I ask you or. Wait a minute. I've turned over two pages. I missed the ring bit out. Where's the ring?

[A]

The ring. The ring.

[B]

Saved.

[A]

I'm.

[B]

Go on.

[A]

The reprieve has come through all Go. There's no ring. All around the boozer, there's no ring. Just no goodbye. Thank you.

[B]

I have a ring.

[A]

Oh, you got. I bet it fits too perfectly.

[B]

I had it made to measure.

[A]

Right.

[C]

Come on, give it the ear now. Now you place your hand over hers. I place mine over yours. Now you bring your other one up and put it on mine. Now you now me.

[A]

Look.

[C]

Look how high we are getting.

[B]

Will you get on with the wedding?

[C]

Yes. I say so.

[A]

We.

[C]

We've had a little laugh. Better go on with it. After all, there's a lot of other mugs waiting. Put your hands together. Place them on mine. Take the ring. Now say after me. With this ring I the wed. With.

[A]

This ring I the wed. Well, it's all over, Sid. Here's they come. It's not all over. It's just started. Wait till I get older than. She's a married woman now, Sid. Yeah, she'll be a widow as soon as he pokes his head out that door. Here she comes now. Hey, she's by herself.

[B]

Send me. Take me away from here.

[A]

Yeah, yeah. My little dove. Don't cry. What's that nasty man done to you?

[B]

Oh, don't cry.

[A]

Talk about it. The boots. What gives? We'll soon find out. Here comes Hancock with a registrar. It's all your fault. Your great oath.

[C]

No, it wasn't. I told you to put the ring.

[A]

On the third finger. I did put it on the third finger.

[C]

Even on my third finger.

[A]

Well, how was I to know? All those hands wrapped around each other. I didn't know I'd married you.

[C]

Well, it's too late now. Come on, we'll be late for our reception.

[A]

I'm having this annuld, you know. It won't hold in a court of law. We'll have the grub and the booze and that's it. Finished. Half a minute old still for the photographers. That's right. Three postcards and a full set and a white album. As I was saying, I've never been so humiliated and embarrassed in all my life. This has been Hancock's half hour. Starring Tony Hancock with Sydney James, Bill Kerr, Hattie Jakes and Kenneth Williams. Theme and incidental music composed and conducted by Wally Stott. Show written by Alan Simpson and Ray Galton. The program which was recorded was produced by Dennis Maine W. It.