High Adventure (SA) Amateur

Summary

Podcast Summary: Harold's Old Time Radio – "High Adventure (SA) Amateur"

Episode Information

• Title: High Adventure (SA) Amateur
• Host/Author: Harold's Old Time Radio
• Release Date: March 13, 2025

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Introduction

"High Adventure (SA) Amateur" transports listeners back to the thrilling era of radio espionage, weaving a tale of intrigue, deception, and high-stakes missions. Set against the backdrop of Cold War tensions, the episode delves into the lives of ordinary individuals thrust into extraordinary circumstances, highlighting themes of loyalty, deception, and courage.

Setting the Scene

The narrative unfolds in the pre-television era, evoking the classic ambiance of the Golden Age of Radio. The story primarily takes place in London and East Berlin, centers of espionage during the Cold War. The protagonist, Derek West, a 26-year-old research chemist from Wembley, finds himself entangled in a web of espionage orchestrated by MI5.

Characters Introduced

• Derek West: A research chemist preparing to attend a conference in West Berlin. He is portrayed as resourceful yet untrained in espionage.

• Terence Kirwan: An MI5 operative posing as an authority figure, orchestrating the mission to turn Derek into an imposter agent.

• Regan: An MI5 associate responsible for apprehending Derek. He assists Terence in managing the mission.

• Frank Nash: Derek's friend and colleague, who becomes a pivotal figure in the mission, later revealed as a double agent.

• Professor Stern: A German professor hosting the conference on a new drug, unknowingly caught in the espionage maneuver.

The Coercion of Derek West

The episode kicks off with Derek West being unexpectedly approached by Regan, who identifies himself as a branch of Scotland Yard. Derek’s skepticism is evident as he questions Regan’s authenticity:

Derek West [02:16]: "Look here, what's the game? I have a plane to catch and have nothing to say to the police now or late."

Regan asserts his authority, compelling Derek to accompany him. Despite Derek’s initial resistance, Regan’s persistence leads Derek to comply, albeit grudgingly:

Regan [02:26]: "Well, okay, I'll come. But you better have a darn good reason."

The Espionage Mission Unveiled

Once at the designated location, Derek meets Terence Kirwan, who unveils the true nature of their operation. MI5 has identified Derek as a potential asset due to his fluency in German and lack of training, making him susceptible to manipulation:

Terence Kirwan [05:13]: "You could call it one of the offices used by MI5. And me. I'm in charge of the betterment of Britain."

Derek is coerced into participating in a covert operation that involves attending a conference in East Berlin, acting alongside his friend Frank Nash. The mission's objective revolves around Professor Stern's newly developed drug, deemed a potential asset in wartime.

Conflicts and Twists

As Derek and Nash prepare for their mission, doubts and tensions surface. Derek questions the legitimacy of the operation and the identities of those involved:

Derek West [07:07]: "If it wasn't for MI5."

The plot thickens when Professor Stern becomes suspicious of Nash’s identity, revealing internal conflicts within the mission. The introduction of rival KGB agents adds layers of danger and urgency to the narrative.

Climax at Checkpoint Charlie

The tension culminates at Checkpoint Charlie, a symbolic and strategic location during the Cold War. Derek faces off against KGB agents, leading to a series of rapid confrontations:

Terence Kirwan [14:10]: "You're far from your home, comrade."

In a twist of fate, it's revealed that Frank Nash is a double agent working for the Russians. This revelation forces Derek to navigate a perilous path, balancing between loyalty and survival.

Resolution and Revelations

The episode reaches its climax as true intentions are unveiled. Professor Stern emerges as a central figure manipulating both MI5 and the KGB for his own ends. The complex web of deceit unravels, showcasing the blurred lines between allies and adversaries:

Terence Kirwan [25:53]: "Hoffman was no defector. He was a double agent still working for the Russians."

Derek discovers that his mission was a façade designed to facilitate Professor Stern's escape, highlighting themes of manipulation and betrayal.

Conclusion

"High Adventure (SA) Amateur" wraps up with Derek’s realization of the intricate espionage ploys that ensnared him. The episode serves as a homage to classic radio dramas, blending suspense, action, and intricate character dynamics. It underscores the vulnerabilities of ordinary individuals in the face of global espionage, leaving listeners contemplating the fine line between heroism and manipulation.

Notable Quotes

• Regan [02:35]: "You won't do that, Mr. West, I assure you. You might stop breathing if you did."

• Terence Kirwan [05:13]: "We prefer to call ourselves civil servants."

• Frank Nash [13:17]: "Are you expecting one?"

• Terence Kirwan [25:02]: "Well, for the love of Mike, Professor Stern."

• Professor Stern [23:40]: "I do not think we are going to make it here."

Final Thoughts

"High Adventure (SA) Amateur" masterfully captures the essence of old-time radio storytelling, immersing listeners in a narrative rich with suspense and intricate plot twists. Through its well-crafted dialogue and character development, the episode pays tribute to the golden age of radio dramas, offering a captivating experience for both longtime enthusiasts and new audiences alike.

Transcript

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[Wayfair Voiceover]

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[Terence Kirwan]

It's high adventure. Tonight's story by Terence Kirwan is entitled the Amateur.

[Regan]

Excuse me. Are you Derek West?

[Terence Kirwan]

Yes.

[Regan]

Will you come with me, please? I have a car waiting.

[Terence Kirwan]

Who are you?

[Regan]

A branch of Scotland Yard. This way please, sir.

[Derek West]

Look here, what's the game? I have a plane to catch and have nothing to say to the police now or late.

[Regan]

I know that, sir. See you catch your plate. It doesn't leave for two hours. Now, sir, I must ask you to accompany me. Here's my authority.

[Terence Kirwan]

That could be a fake.

[Regan]

Look, sir, that's a police car. And a police driver.

[Derek West]

I suppose so.

[Regan]

Well, then, we're not trying to kidnap you or anything. But if you don't come peacefully, I have instructions to force you.

[Derek West]

Well, okay, I'll come. But you better have a darn good reason.

[Regan]

Threats mean nothing to me, sir. This way.

[Derek West]

What's your name?

[Regan]

And wreck. You can call me Regan. It's a name. As regards my rank, I have no rank.

[Derek West]

Just a minute, Regan. You said you were a policeman. Policemen have ranks like the army.

[Regan]

I said I was attached to Scotland Yard. I didn't say I was a policeman.

[Derek West]

And what the blazes are you?

[Regan]

Just a civil servant picking up an awkward customer.

[Derek West]

I don't see anything to chuckle about. I'm due on the 4:00 flight to West Germany.

[Regan]

I know, sir. You'll catch the plane. Or a later one, if need be.

[Derek West]

What else do you know about me?

[Regan]

You're not married, live at Wembley and you're a research chemist. You're 26 years old, Wonder blue at Oxford and speak German fluently, right?

[Terence Kirwan]

Yes.

[Derek West]

For the love of Mike, who are you and what do you want with me?

[Regan]

I prefer to leave that to my chief to explain. We'll be there in a few minutes.

[Derek West]

Yes, and not Scotland Yard either. We left it behind there. Now getting out. This is a snatch if ever there was one.

[Regan]

Stay where you are, Mr. West, or.

[Derek West]

I'll knock you out a gully. So you are a crook.

[Frank Nash]

Don't be ridiculous.

[Regan]

Calm down.

[Terence Kirwan]

We're here.

[Regan]

The Chief doesn't like men who can't keep their cool. And you can. Now get out. I don't advise you to make a dash for it, Mr. West. This is a dart gun I'm carrying. The after effects are not pleasant. Now, in you go. That door on your right.

[Derek West]

This is no police department. It's just a block of offices.

[Regan]

That's right. We go to the fifth floor.

[Derek West]

Are you mad or something? There is no fifth floor.

[Regan]

Right again, West. I push two and three together, that takes us to the fifth floor. Rather cunning.

[Derek West]

Dramatic and corny, if you ask me.

[Regan]

I didn't. And it's a good safety measure.

[Derek West]

I can't see how I know now. And I could talk.

[Regan]

You won't do that, Mr. West, I assure you. You might stop breathing if you did. Now, come on, we're here.

[Terence Kirwan]

Ah, here we. Ah, Mr. West. How nice of you to come. Any trouble, Regan?

[Regan]

Not really, sir. Mr. West saw reason in the end.

[Terence Kirwan]

Yes, of course.

[Derek West]

The reason was a gun.

[Terence Kirwan]

But not a lethal one, Mr. West, just a dart gun. I believe something similar is used in big game hunting. However, we don't kill unless it's absolutely necessary.

[Derek West]

Kill? What the blazes is this place?

[Professor Stern]

And who are you?

[Derek West]

I demand an explanation.

[Terence Kirwan]

And now, sit down, Mr. West. All in good time. I hear you're a research chemist going to a conference in East Berlin, right? Right.

[Derek West]

I can't see why it concerns you.

[Terence Kirwan]

Hold on. Now. Why aren't you flying direct to East Berlin instead of getting off at West Berlin?

[Derek West]

West Berlin is the meeting place. We're all picking up a bus there. Not myself, though. I'm going by car with a friend of mine.

[Terence Kirwan]

I know. That's what interests us. Your friend's name.

[Derek West]

What's it to do with you?

[Terence Kirwan]

Don't stall, Mr. West. It's Frank Nash, isn't it?

[Derek West]

If you know, why ask?

[Terence Kirwan]

Just joking. We want the truth from you. This conference is being held by Professor Stern on some new drug he's developed, correct?

[Derek West]

Yes, but how do you know all this?

[Terence Kirwan]

The conference is common knowledge. Of course. We've checked up on you. Part of our job, you might say. Just what is your job, Mr. Tudor's the name.

[Derek West]

Your real one or just a fake, like your gunman here?

[Frank Nash]

Regan?

[Terence Kirwan]

Now, now, Mr. West, please. Not a gunman, just my faithful assistant. Granted, he does get a little over enthusiastic at times. But only in the course of duty, let me assure you. Oh, yes, duty.

[Derek West]

You still haven't answered my question. What is your job? And what is this place?

[Terence Kirwan]

You could call it One of the offices used by MI5. And me. I'm in charge of the betterment of Britain. Yes, indeed.

[Derek West]

Stop that double talk. You're spies, aren't you?

[Terence Kirwan]

Oh, we don't use that word nowadays, Mr. West. We prefer to call ourselves civil servants.

[Regan]

Excuse me, Chief. It's about time.

[Terence Kirwan]

Ah, yes. Show the gentleman in, there's a good chap.

[Frank Nash]

Hello, Derek.

[Derek West]

Frank Nash. For the love of might, what are you doing here? You should be on that plane with me. If it wasn't.

[Frank Nash]

If it wasn't for MI5.

[Derek West]

Yes, and. Hold on. You're not Frank Nash. It look like him, I'll grant you that, but close up you're a blasted fraud. Who the places are you?

[Terence Kirwan]

Let's just say he is your friend and chemist colleague for this conference you're going to. It's safer for you to know no more, Mr. West. Now, do sit down again, there's a good chap. Smoke? Drink?

[Derek West]

No.

[Terence Kirwan]

As you wish. Now, let's get down to why you're here, Mr. West.

[Derek West]

About Ruddy time.

[Terence Kirwan]

Be quiet, west, and listen. You'll Both get the 4 o'clock plane to West Germany as planned. To remind you again, my agent here is Frank Nash to you for this operation. His name is false, as you know, like mine and Regan's. Got that?

[Derek West]

I promise nothing. Go on.

[Terence Kirwan]

Oh, you'll do as you're told, Mr. West. If not, I assure you, I and my department could cook up a nice little crime against you that carries five years in prison. Shall I go on?

[Regan]

Yes.

[Terence Kirwan]

Splendid. You and Nash will go to this conference, but afterwards, Nash will leave you. He will be replaced by another man who will also look like your friend Nash. Beards are so easy to duplicate. That's why we picked him. We picked you because you've got steady nerves and are not likely to lose your cool, as the youngsters say, in a tight corner. Secondly, you speak fluent German. And lastly, you dashed to save a man who was trying to reach West Berlin in safety. Oh, yes. You've got nerve enough for this operation.

[Derek West]

How did you find out all this?

[Terence Kirwan]

Simple, my dear fellow. You gave your name to the man you rescued. He was impressed by any man who'd run into a darn near hail of bullets from Russian machine guns. Lucky you didn't die. Oh, well, maybe you will this time.

[Derek West]

What does that crack mean?

[Terence Kirwan]

Just a joke.

[Derek West]

I did say some ruddy joke. Anyway, why pick on me? I'm no trained spy.

[Terence Kirwan]

You are expected in East Berlin and will check off against their list. And so will Nash.

[Derek West]

But what happened to the real Nash?

[Terence Kirwan]

Shall we say he's a little indisposed?

[Derek West]

Dead?

[Terence Kirwan]

Don't be foolish. We don't kill for the sake of it. He's holidaying in Spain as our guest, as a matter of fact. Minus his beard, of course. He looks like a plucked chicken. Now, enough of small talk. Regan will drive you both to the airport. Please see that you brush up with Nash any awkward questions he might be asked by your fellow travelers. He's no chemist, you know. Now, Mr. West, Her Majesty's government will repay you handsomely if you carry this awful right. If not, she'll pay for your funeral.

[Derek West]

Well, thanks. Nice to know. And nice to know we won't be attempting to get over the wall. I must have been mad to have run for that wounded man.

[Terence Kirwan]

I'm glad you were mad then. My dear chap, that man was one of my best agents. Nash here will be taking his place. You take in an operator and bring out a defector. So simple. And double saving, wouldn't you agree? As regards the wall, you'd never make it today, Mr. West. I can't have you attempting that. There's not only the wall to consider, there are guards by the dozen and all with Doberman pinches as guard dogs. Not to mention anti personnel mines. Oh, no. You'd both be walking to a certain grave. The legal way through is the answer, and you'll carry it out. Nash will brief you how the switch is made. Now, good day to you.

[Derek West]

Not so fast. If I'm to be paid for this, when do I collect and how much? I'm not a wealthy man. I need the money.

[Terence Kirwan]

Dear me, so many money grabbers these days. Come here. When you return from Germany, I'll have £4,000 waiting for you. That suit you?

[Frank Nash]

That'll do.

[Terence Kirwan]

It'll have to. I'm stretching the budget as it is. Now, again, good day and good luck. Ah, Regan. See them off all right?

[Wayfair Voiceover]

Yes, Chief.

[Regan]

Like little lambs to the. I won't say slaughter. Except for West. He'll never make it, Chief.

[Terence Kirwan]

He'll have to, up to a point, as you well know.

[Regan]

Forgive me for disagreeing, Chief, but he'll bungle it. This is no game for amateurs.

[Terence Kirwan]

You're wrong, Regan. Only an amateur can get away with it. He was a pro and it would be curtains for him. The rations are not. Fools. They'd spot a pro a mile off. But an amateur with a cool nerve might. All right, I admit it. Might get away with it.

[Regan]

Talking of spotting, Chief, think the Russians will Spot the switch. Their heights are not quite the same, you know.

[Terence Kirwan]

I know, but it'll never be noticed in the confusion. Oh, boss, this new scramble is really deafening. Sorry, sir, what did you say?

[Frank Nash]

Oh, yes.

[Terence Kirwan]

West swallowed it. Hook, line and sinker, as they say. Make it, sir. He's as much chance as me selling fridges to the Eskimos. Yes, it's all arranged. The switch takes place at 38 Wilhelmstrasser. Yes, I'd like that. The club at 7. I'll order you your usual whiskey, but a double this time. After all, this department is celebrating in a way, killing three birds with one stone.

[Frank Nash]

Hello?

[Ryan]

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[Terence Kirwan]

See terms and conditions 18+ yes, Minister. I thought you'd like that.

[Frank Nash]

Leave this for me, West. I've had a lot more experience with these Commies than you have.

[Derek West]

That's not much. Then I've had none. Marvelous.

[Terence Kirwan]

Isn't it settled?

[Derek West]

With the right green chili?

[Frank Nash]

Be okay. Just don't panic. Try and imagine I am your friend Nash going to a conference.

[Professor Stern]

You innocent, West. No, nothing.

[Frank Nash]

Keep thinking that way.

[Derek West]

It's all right for you. You didn't see those guards shoot at that poor devil I saved. It was a miracle we weren't both riddled with bullets.

[Frank Nash]

Don't kid yourself. I've seen what you nearly did and many times. In other words, the poor devil didn't make it. I've also seen a man deliberately entombed alive in the tunnel he dug under the wall.

[Derek West]

Do you mean they really do dig tunnels as a means of escape?

[Frank Nash]

Yes, sometimes even better than many prisoner of war efforts. Now quiet. Guards are eyeing us suspiciously.

[Wayfair Voiceover]

Your business in Berlin, comrades?

[Frank Nash]

We're research chemists due at Professor Stern's conference.

[Wayfair Voiceover]

Ah, yes, the good Comrade Stern. Your passports, please. I wish to check them against the list.

[Derek West]

Here.

[Frank Nash]

Thank you.

[Wayfair Voiceover]

Comrades, please to wait. I will not belong. The list is in the hut. All is in order, comrades. You may proceed. May you enjoy your stay in the true Berlin.

[Derek West]

Yes, of course. The one true Berlin.

[Wayfair Voiceover]

Ah, an English humorist. Yeah, comrade.

[Terence Kirwan]

Yes, yes.

[Wayfair Voiceover]

And goodbye of it is then, comrade. Until later.

[Terence Kirwan]

Fool.

[Professor Stern]

Wes.

[Frank Nash]

You aren't expected to reply to that Crazy humor. Makes you look as if you something to hide.

[Derek West]

I'm sorry, I didn't know. I. I thought it was the right answer.

[Frank Nash]

Just watch it on the way back with my replacement, that's all. God will go over you both with a free comb, inch by ruddy inch. Forget it. We'll be late for the conference.

[Derek West]

Well, did you enjoy the talk by the professor?

[Frank Nash]

What I could understand of it. I'm no chemist, but at times he didn't seem to make sense. As though he were holding something back.

[Derek West]

My thoughts exactly. And I am a chemist. I'm sure he'd been warned not to give away too much. He barely mentioned the new drug he developed. Darn it, Nash, that's what we all came here for, to hear about it. It would be a boon in wartime, at least. I gathered that from the little he did say about it.

[Frank Nash]

I'm not surprised he hedged about the drug. If it would be useful in wartime. Makes me think the Russians wanted the Allies there to show off their power. Just let the professor say so much and no more sort of wetting our appetites and frightening us at the same time.

[Derek West]

That makes sense.

[Frank Nash]

It makes sense, all right. You see, I noticed quite a few of the KGB blokes mixing with the audience.

[Derek West]

You mean the Russian Secret Police?

[Frank Nash]

That's one way of describing them. I prefer to use the word killers.

[Derek West]

Let's move.

[Frank Nash]

Switch takes place at 38 Widhen Stasse. It's not far from here, but we'll have to take a devious route in.

[Terence Kirwan]

Case of a tale.

[Derek West]

Are you expecting one?

[Frank Nash]

Not really, but I'm taking no chances. You see, Wes, it's often standard procedure for visitors to East Berlin. It all depends on how much they suspect us. And after yours, little effort with that guard. Let's go.

[Terence Kirwan]

I'll drive.

[Derek West]

I hope this defector looks like you after saying that God would remember me.

[Frank Nash]

He'll pass if you don't mess it up.

[Derek West]

Oh, thanks. What are you going to do after the switch?

[Frank Nash]

Haven't a clue until I get my orders from our top agent here. Judah. The wily devil always tells an agent as little as possible in case he gets caught going in. If I don't know, I can't talk. This agent will fill the details in of my operations moment. I know as much as you take it to the Rondo, change places with the defector and fade. Ah, here's the tiny looks. A dingy street.

[Derek West]

Half the buildings are in ruins.

[Frank Nash]

Well, what did you expect? Oxford street on a sunny day?

[Terence Kirwan]

Oh, that'd be stupid.

[Derek West]

Of course not. But all the same, it's some dirty street. And that's saying something, even for East Berlin.

[Frank Nash]

Quiet. Keep it cool from now on. Wrong move and it could mean. A bullet defect is a nervous blighter at the best of times. And this one is going out the easy yet dangerous way.

[Derek West]

Come again?

[Frank Nash]

I mean, Checkpoint Charlie is the legal way, but it's not easy. The wall. You stand the chance of getting blown up. Checkpoint Charlie, you're back. Riddled with machine gun bullets. If the guards get the slightest suspicions, it all adds up to the same in the end. Very dead. Follow me. That's the first signal. The simpler the better, these kind of capers.

[Professor Stern]

Who?

[Frank Nash]

Who is it? Your cousin, Frank. For Pete's sake.

[Derek West]

Is that him?

[Professor Stern]

Yes.

[Derek West]

A blasted Nash. He can't even speak English without a heavy German accent. How the heck can he pass for you, an Englishman?

[Frank Nash]

You just have to do the talking. Be quiet.

[Professor Stern]

What time is it?

[Frank Nash]

Oh, I don't know. I have no watch.

[Professor Stern]

At last. Please to come in, gentlemen.

[Derek West]

Oh, you're a fool, Hoffman.

[Professor Stern]

You should have asked me that before.

[Derek West]

You opened the door.

[Frank Nash]

It could have been the KGB Berlin.

[Professor Stern]

Swarming with them all looking for you. I'm so sorry. Herr Nash will do.

[Frank Nash]

This is your escort, West. He's a genuine research chemist and will see you through Checkpoint Charlie.

[Professor Stern]

Yeah, yeah. Professor Stern's conference, yeah?

[Frank Nash]

Yes.

[Derek West]

And you leave the talking to me. We won't get a yard with your accent, even if you are made up to look like Nash.

[Professor Stern]

I understand. When do we leave? I am tired of being here. It is days since I arrived. It is a filthy hole only fit for rats. And there are plenty of them, my friends.

[Frank Nash]

Better them than being interrogated by the kgb.

[Ryan]

Hoffman.

[Professor Stern]

Do not mention that name, my friend. My flesh creeps at the very thought of it, as you English say.

[Frank Nash]

Well, you and west will leave 15 minutes after I do. Here are the keys, West.

[Terence Kirwan]

Thanks.

[Derek West]

Can I have a gun? I see you're carrying one.

[Frank Nash]

Are you mad? Find a gun on you and you've had it, kaput. Hey, Hoffman.

[Professor Stern]

Yeah, yeah, kaput. Just a bullet. That's after they've trained you of dry of information you do not have, my friend. So please, no guns.

[Derek West]

Okay, I can take a hint, but open the door.

[Professor Stern]

You've been blown off, man. Oh, no. No one knows I'm here. It must have been just a routine check. Please come with me.

[Ryan]

I hide you.

[Professor Stern]

Where? Upstairs. The bed's still unmade. You both get under the pile of blankets at the foot of the bed. I'm coming.

[Wayfair Voiceover]

Please do.

[Derek West]

Wait.

[Professor Stern]

I get the key. This way. This way. Hurry. Hurry.

[Frank Nash]

Okay. Hoffman, you go and let them in. We'll hide here. No tricks. You're the first to get a bullet.

[Professor Stern]

I will not give you away, Mr. Nash.

[Wayfair Voiceover]

Open the door, we break it down.

[Frank Nash]

Go, man, go.

[Professor Stern]

Yeah, Come on.

[Frank Nash]

West. Under the blankets, quick. You okay? Nothing showing.

[Derek West]

No.

[Frank Nash]

And keep dead still. We're dead if they find us.

[Professor Stern]

I'm going to shoot it out.

[Frank Nash]

Quiet. They're coming.

[Wayfair Voiceover]

I see you sleep late, comrade.

[Professor Stern]

Yeah, yeah. Comrade Conant, I have the bad heading.

[Terence Kirwan]

I see.

[Wayfair Voiceover]

Here's your papers. They seem to be in order now. Let us check downstairs. I always like to check upstairs first.

[Professor Stern]

Yeah, boy.

[Frank Nash]

Stay here, West. I'm gonna check if I can hear what's going on.

[Terence Kirwan]

Why?

[Derek West]

We're safe enough.

[Frank Nash]

Possibly. But if they torture Hoffman, he could tell them he's a defector. The KGB wouldn't interfere, of course.

[Professor Stern]

They don't work that way.

[Frank Nash]

They'd let us take Hoffman, but force him to become a double agent by threats to his family. It's been done before. Defectors worth having are high ranking boffins who usually get top secret jobs. Hoffman was Professor Stern's assistant. So you see them? They've started.

[Professor Stern]

Wait here.

[Frank Nash]

If Hoffman begins to cough up his guts, I'm going to shoot the KGB men. Except there are only two of them. They usually go in pairs.

[Wayfair Voiceover]

Who are you expecting here, comrade?

[Derek West]

Nobody, Comrade Cannon. I swear.

[Wayfair Voiceover]

You're far from your home, comrade.

[Professor Stern]

Why?

[Derek West]

I came to see my sister.

[Wayfair Voiceover]

She lives here?

[Styles MacKenzie]

Yeah, yeah, but she's out.

[Wayfair Voiceover]

Very well. We'll return when she returns. Do not attempt to leave the house in the meantime, comrade, under any circumstances. Is that understood?

[Frank Nash]

Yeah, yeah, Comrade Colonel.

[Wayfair Voiceover]

Stop calling me Colonel. I'm a captain Carmivan. We check elsewhere until this sniveling comrade Siska returns.

[Frank Nash]

Come on, West.

[Derek West]

They've gone.

[Frank Nash]

One hasn't given anything away. But he's been tortured all right. Usual KGB stuff. It's quick and brings results if one's in a hurry.

[Terence Kirwan]

What have they done to him?

[Frank Nash]

I think we'll find his fingers bleeding. They drive a sharp instrument up under the nails. Extremely painful.

[Professor Stern]

They have gone.

[Derek West]

My hands. My hands.

[Terence Kirwan]

Yeah.

[Regan]

Take this.

[Professor Stern]

What is it?

[Frank Nash]

A pill to ease the pain. Oh, yeah, I'm leaving now. Wait 15 minutes, no longer, and leave yourselves.

[Terence Kirwan]

Good luck.

[Professor Stern]

I do not think we are going to make it here.

[Terence Kirwan]

Rest.

[Professor Stern]

Now that Nash is gone. He's a pro, not amateurs like you and me.

[Terence Kirwan]

Is.

[Professor Stern]

Is my disguise all right?

[Frank Nash]

It's done.

[Derek West]

Near perfect. You and Nash couldn't pass as twins. Talking of disguises, what does Nash look like without his?

[Professor Stern]

I have no idea, my friend. Now let's go. The KGB will soon be.

[Derek West]

You leave the talking to me. Hoffman.

[Frank Nash]

Quiet.

[Derek West]

We're approaching Checkpoint Charlie.

[Professor Stern]

Yeah.

[Wayfair Voiceover]

Ah, my good English humorist and comrade Nash. Please to step out of the car. We wish to check it. And you come into the hut. Comrades. That man will appear as an imposter.

[Derek West]

His beard isn't straight.

[Wayfair Voiceover]

What is this? Let me look closer. Comet Nash. It is a false spirit. You two are under arrest. Please to come with me.

[Terence Kirwan]

Good heavens. Our friend West. You actually made it?

[Derek West]

Yes, but I'm afraid your defector didn't, Tudor. It took him at Checkpoint Charlie. My credentials proved I was innocent, and so they let me go. But it took some proving.

[Terence Kirwan]

Splendid, West. It all worked out better than even I realized. You see, this is one time the KGB should have tipped off the guards to let Hoffman go. Let him go?

[Derek West]

I'm afraid I don't understand.

[Terence Kirwan]

Hoffman was no defector. He was a double agent still working for the Russians.

[Derek West]

He couldn't be. He was tortured.

[Terence Kirwan]

But they would do that. Part of his cover to impress Nash. Knowing all this, we used you and Huffman to cause a confusion at Checkpoint Charlie so that we could get the real defector out. He was right behind you. Remember that voice who called out that Hoffman's beard wasn't straight? Yes.

[Derek West]

I wondered about him.

[Terence Kirwan]

I'll bet you did. That was Nash without his disguise.

[Derek West]

You sure play a double double game, Tudor.

[Terence Kirwan]

You have to. It's the only thing that works these days. Come from behind that screen, my dear chap, and meet the man who made it all possible.

[Derek West]

Well, for the love of Mike, Professor Stern.

[Terence Kirwan]

But of course, who else would be worth having as a defector? High Adventure is produced by Henry Duffenthal.

[Derek West]

Foreign.

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