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Idiot's Weekly 58-08-12 The All Australian Leather Rocket
00:27:46
Idiot's Weekly 58-08-12 The All Australian Leather Rocket
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A
Hi, I'm Kristen Bell. And if you know my husband Dax, then you also know he loves shopping for a car. Selling a car, not so much.
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B
We're really doing this, huh?
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A
Thankfully, Carvana makes it easy. Answer a few questions, put in your VIN or license and done. We sold ours in minutes this morning. And they'll come pick it up and pay us this afternoon.
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B
Goodbye, Truckee.
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A
Of course, we kept the favorite.
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B
Hello, other Truckee.
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A
Sell your car with Carvana today. Terms and conditions apply.
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B
The ABC presents Mike Milligan in the Idiots Weekly. This is the abc. Ta da. This broadcast captained written. Every poor wretch is chained to his plans. Oh, it's a terrible sight to behold. And a sign. Henry Irk. Remember, we're in the comic initial. Ladies and gentlemen, the secret is out. Fight Milligan is a comic. You mutant dog. Well, I never come back to Australia again. I thought that would make you change your mind. Don't. Don't arouse them. It's lotter dangerous. I just found out what those mounds outside the camp are. What? What? What? That's another mound. No. They are. Yeah. They're dead Sergeant. Dead Sergeant. Hello, Mary. Sailors of old Richmond? No. Airman. Little boy. Airmen. Yes. What are they doing on the ground? Well, there are aeroplanes in bed with sloughs. I thought aeroplanes always flew one. And every Christmas tracker. Folks, may we continue? Thank you very much. Ladies and gentlemen of the Royal Australian Air Force. As the punishment for shooting weather quadel, we present the Edge of Greek. Page one. Readers, write in. Harry. Sir, my wife has just made a pancake 35 foot round. Is this a record? I don't know. Try playing on a gun horn. Nick, how can I get out of the infantry? Hold up your foot, Nick. Hitman. Headline, Headline. Headline. Headline. Footnote. Footnote. Great idiot film star flies back from Hollywood late and early. What all gotta go sometime. Folks. Here I am. I was making some short cowboy films. Now, what part did you play? A short cowboy. Who's your reading lady? Oh, Rita Hayworth. Did you marry her? No, but I. And put my name down. Also off the plan was the heavyweight champion of Rose Street Kid Whiskers Pierce. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, okay. Yeah. I fought Sugar Ray Robinson and I would have won but for something the referee said to me. What? One, two, three. Page two. Australian toreador flies back from Spain. The rain fell mainly on his plane. Yes. Tell us of your big bull fighting. He was in the arena del Toro Valencia. And I was. Oh. So, Senor Barrett, today you fight your first bull. See? Wait a Minute Ray Barrett was just playing with that. He'd do anything for money. So, Senor Barrett, may you look magnificent in your steaming toys or kilt and old army boots. Oh, me old army boots. I always wear em. Oh. What's on? I can't get them off. You've been in long, fellows. Okay. How do you put out? Neck, please. This is me, you naughty man. Or canterband. Allow me to introduce the most Beautiful senorita in hut 294. A senorita cascara. Her name. Her name's Cascara. I find that hard to swallow. Don't be honest, all. You're not pulling in buddy bath. I don't know. Though I have admired you from afar. My favorite distance. Come, let me kiss the most attractive farm for you. Your wallet, your checkbook, your etc. Oh. Oh, you're beautiful. I bet you say that too old. Well, it's no good thing to hold a boy. I'm strong and hairy. Oh, you think I'm a big and strong siti. Yes, I think you're a big and strong siti. Pardon me, but your mush is showing. Huh? What's the matter? The bull is roaring in the chicken house. Come the sanguarino. I don't like the look of that bull. Neither do I. But please, what is he putting that black armband on for? He's got a sense of drama, you see. Now remember, senor, if the bull charges to the right, you run for the macador. Yes. If he charges to the left, then you run for the picador. But if he charges straight towards you. Yes, you run for the bacador goblin. You don't hide in Spanish. Here he comes now. Oh, you've come back. Yes, senorita. I couldn't kill that bull. You see, I. I'm a vegetarian. So I kill the carrot instead. And here to prove it are its ears and tails. My ears? Yes. That was zero, folks. That was the end of the story. At the end of that day one of happy ending, folks. I'm here with a smile on a song and a pair of weak and dressing teeth. It's Jimmy Parkinson. I know that you know know that I'll go where you go I choose you Won't lose you I wish you knew how much I long to hold you in my arms this time is my time Will soon be goodbye time Then in the starlight hold me tight with one more little kiss say nighty night I know that you know that I'll go where you go I choose you won't lose you. I wish you knew how much I long to hold you in my arms. This time is my time. Twill soon be goodbye time Then in the starlight hold me tight with one more little kiss. Say nighty night. Say nighty night. Tar. Yes, that was Michael Eisel saying tar Tar again. Now we will play you a recording made of a visit by BBC reporters to the Richmond Abbey. Hello, this is Percival Twitter speaking from outside the great R.W. at Count Richmond. It's evening time and all is silent. Save for some of the measured tread of deserters slipping away. Now. Now, is that young dessert over there, Jim? Certainly. Yes. And I'll walk towards the main entrance here. Friend of all friend. I don't trust anybody. No. At fine time be recognized. Oh, I recognize you. All them dirty big bullet doubles in your nuts. I say, what's going on here? Sergeant. Sergeant. This man has just. Just struck me several times with a bullet. You fool, man. You know we haven't got many. I'm sorry, my son. Yes, and look at you. You're filthy. Your uniform covered in muck. What kind of a guard you call yourself? I'm a mudguard. How well you carry it on. I say, you're from the BBC, Andrew, yeah. Yes. Yeah. Thank you. Now, every other outside commentator in the men's Met Hall. Hello, Australia. This is Tom Tipp here and I'm. I'm speaking from the great men's mess hall. Aye, right already, Officer. Any complaints? Yeah, these pains are hard peas. Hard. Let me try one. There's nothing wrong with that beef. I should think not. I've. I've been chewing it for the last half hour. Sign, Jim. Good man. You'll get promotion for this, you know. I'll get promotion, yes, but I'm on my damn marshal already. Somebody has blundered. Die ball will have to go now. Put your foot out. Pardon me, I'm from BBC. Who do you tell me your name? Well, I'm not supposed to. It's military secret. Oh, Johnny Flyjeton and Gladys born dear sir Mc. Ah to an emcee. Yes. Listen, ladies and gentlemen, take your partner in fer the leader. I tell this heroism foil and I say that that was a thrill. A software flight plane of the Royal Australian Air Force dived down and with its wingtips snatched up the handkerchief, sir. Certainly gave everybody a thrill. Yeah, all except me. Why, I was blowing me nose on it. Now this story of through the phonic barrier in an ordinary airing cover. But first boost and peace. The story of how Australia went through the sand barrier. It was in the year 43 BC that the monk of great renown, who had just invented a great wheel, made the carpet, made the first attempt at flight. Yes, yes, it is true. It was Friar Bolton. There one evening, he's strapped on a parrot. He strapped on a pair of feathered wings, you see, and climb on the high tower. He leapt into space for lap on his wings. Twas a great day for aviation. That night a new word came into our language. Compound fracture. And then an ancient Greek captured a rare bird. Yes, I kept that bird in a cage to study it. But then one day it started to fly backwards. And in ever decreasing circles. And in the border it hit God. But where the first man who speaks gets shot. On to 1958 and the space age. Today, throughout the civilized world and Sydney, the race is on. In Russia today, the Soviet Presidium allotted 10 million rubles to space travel America. And today in the Senate, $10 million is allocated to rocket research in America. England. Co penn at the Niles, mate. And what was Australia doing exactly? You are a nation of patriot. But at this very moment in Canberra, a special meeting of high ranking idiots is in progress. Gentlemen, gentlemen, thank you for your support. I will always wear it. You'll dear, dear, dear. We all hear, what's that thing flying around? We're here to discuss a great project, so you may all.
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A
You won't see the engineer that slams the Nissan Rogue's door 13,920 times. Or the corrosive chamber that simulates 15 years of life in five months. Or the Rogue heat baked for over 300 combined hours. What you will see is a vehicle that can take punch after punch and keep rolling. Nissan number one in new vehicle quality among mainstream brands by JD Power. We put it through the worst, so you get its Best for J.D. power 2025 U.S. initial Quality Study Award information. Visit jdpower.com Awards Awards based on 2025 model year models may be shown.
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B
Put that cigarette out. And into my pocket. It is said we could smile. Yes, but what tobacco. Now, Colonel Town, explain the plain of the plan. Australia is to build a jet fighter made of finest for Sarah and Wolf. Yes, at this very moment, Rolls Royce of China are living the interest. Splendid. Phew. Put that horse out. But you said we could smoke. Not horses. But he corked it. So I see. Look, here comes the next part of the sketch. Whoa. Oh, guys. Scars. I've ridden three leagues to get here. I top us three leagues above our riddance. Oh, and why have you tried riding a horse with three leagues? Only underwater. Now what do you declare? I've come. I've come from Canberra with good news. Sounds like good news from Canberra. Aye. A committee for this, that and the other wants you to build an all leather. What am I for? I said to him, well, it's to take a photograph of the earth. You see there are still people arguing as to whether the world is round or flat. What a. What a stupid waste of time. We already know that it's flat. Yes, we know, we know. But there are idiots who believe it's wrong. Me among them. And me I was only way to prove it to us. We'll have to rise to the beyond the ionic super sphere and photograph the earth to prove that we're wrong. We'll begin work on an all leather steaming string rocket. After this steaming music by Jean Gussie and his old spontaneous it. That sound of clapping was produced by police sergeants pointing guns at the inmates. And now the all Australia Leather Rockets Part 2. And soon two parties were on their way to the rugged base. Ah, that very fine flight. My brother had a nosebleed and I had to have an oxygen mask. After 16 hours the pilot said to us our tide we can take off now. Open your belt please sir. Oh, what for? You must know your trousers are coming down. Oh dear, that's a lot of good, silly bad. You're giving too much of the p. Contact. Come back. I'll kill that mechanic. And by Jove he did. Meantime we joined the RWF party who were coming by train. I knew when they were saint folks. Now gentlemen, we'll get in this character compartment here. Sit down please. I'm plugging here. Sit here. Yes, over here. Now let I disclose the finance for the project of this rocket. Yeah, that's right. Plenty of money. Plenty of nobody to worry about. Good, good, good, good, good, good, good. £10 million for Dustin and W. There's another £40 million available. Listen. Ticket please. Quick, under the feet. Tickets please. Here. What are you lot doing on the floor talking to a. Well, you'll have to go. This is a non compartment. Not when the train is standing in the st. Well that's the end of that bit. Thank you very much. Yes, and in the next batch you will hear the rocky rocket launching site being carved out of solid mud. Echol Eccles. What over here was that lolly load of grit. Grit. There's been a mistake. I got a lolly load of shells. Fool. Fool you. They might explode in this heat. You get them into the ammunition store. Okay. All right. And you go back. That's right. Back. Back. Right. Right hand. Right hand. Now straighten up now. Now straight back as you are. And you're okay. Okay, that's enough. Eccles, you fool. You come out of that tree. You don't know where it's been. A God move broken my leg. How did you do that? I've got a big hammer and it's what you. You. You drop and I will catch you. That night, another new word in our language. Compound. Compound breaker. Meantime, work on the Hairy rocket raced ahead. Here, let me show you how echoes there. That's got it on. I was trying to get it off. Never have a way to stop that nonsense. What? Stop it, I say. What? Look, it's urgent. Don't. Stand by the engine chest now. Stand by engine chest. Where's the pressure gate? Is. Send my switch on pressure number one. Gage. What? You're reading pressure? £500. Mike, what have you got? £803. Echo. How much have you got? Nothing. I'm skin. Will you stop acting like an idiot? Who's acting? Don't you tell me I'm an idiot Until I find out what that means. Until I find out what that means. Shut up. Shut up. Shut up. Or the shutter. Men. What Menu care. Yes. Bagged out. Come on. Tomorrow at dawn we launch the rocket. And for an encore they play Cock a doodle do Cockadoodle do D. How to b. Lads, get some hands off those blankets. Menace. Menace. As it's raining. As it's raining. I thought we'd bring the rocket in here now, men. Stand by to check instruments. Five, four, three, two, one. Thank you, Ryan. Perfectly tuned engine. Now all make the sound of getting into the rocket. Stop. Stop. Nichols, you weren't saying rhubarb the others. No, I. I got a bad summer. So I've observed what they are. Oh, heaven, man, what have you been eating? It's bean soup. Never mind what it's been. What is it not. Oh, dear. You're not coming with it. We need every man. Right. Fall in. Right, come on up the hedges and sonic dolls and pull the blind. We don't want people looking in. All ready to take off, sir. Right, men, crash helmets. Right, men, crash helmets on. Shock straps in position. Right. Eisel, do you want the red gauges? Es, you keep your eye on the green gauges. Why there? For dinner. Rocket starts and boosters ready. And five from now. Monocle's out. Come on. Standby. Jeff, don't panic, huh? Synchronize water. And then five from now. Five, four, three, two. Prompt, one, one, fire. Laugh. The engine won't stop. Then we'll go without it. Come on. Hold tight. Hold tight. All right, Captain, relax. We're 160 miles above the the Earth. Crush. Right. Right. Take your socks off now. Right. I get you. Here. Look down there through the clouds. I destroyed the Earth. Did it look round. Yeah, but I don't think it saw me. Well, let's jolly good tell it. And we take off these disguises. All right. Get the camera ready. Right. Got the camera? Yes. At last. We of Australia are the first men to take a photograph of the Earth. Click there. Now back to Earth. Ah, that's right. The photograph was developed and inspected. Oh, no. The Earth photo. It's ruined. Why? Somebody moved? No, the Earth. I see him. The end. You've been radio reading the Idiot Weekly written by Spike Milligan. Cartoons were by Ray Burns. John Blue headlines by Michael Eisel. Musical illustration by Jimmy Parkinson and Jim Gutry and the ABC Dancer Club editor Max again next week for the final edition of the Idiot Weekly. Ordinarily s but this week issued free to members of Her Majesty forces at the RAF station at Richmond. Sam.