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Idiot's Weekly - The All Australian Leather Rocket
00:27:46
Idiot's Weekly - The All Australian Leather Rocket - 08/12/1958
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Liberty Mutual customizes your car and home insurance. And now we're customizing this rush hour ad to keep you calm, which could help your driving. And science says therapy is great for a healthy mindset. So enjoy this 14 second session on us. I think you've done everything right and absolutely nothing wrong. In fact, anything that hasn't gone your way could probably be blamed on your father not being emotionally available. Because his father wasn't emotionally available. And so on. And now that you're calm and healing, you're probably driving better too.
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Liberty. Liberty. Liberty. Liberty. The ABC presents Mike Milligan in the Idiots Weekly. This is the abc. Ta da. This broadcast. Captained. Listen. Every poor wretch is chained to his plans. Oh, it's a terrible sight to behold. And assign Harry Earck. Remember, we're in the comic edition. Ladies and gentlemen, the secret is out. Spike Milligan is a comic. You mutants. Dogs. Well, I never come back to Australia again. Stop. Stop. Stop. I thought that would make you change your mind. Don't. Don't arouse them. It's lotta dangerous. I just found out what those mounds outside the camp are. What? What? What? That's another mound. So they are. Yeah, they. Dead Sergeant. Dead Sergeant. I'll try and park a. Hello. Merry sailors of old Richmond. No, Airmen. Little boy airmen. Yes. What are they doing on the ground? Well, they're aeroplanes in bed with clues. I thought aeroplanes always flew one. Happy Christmas. Cracker. Folks, may we continue? Thank you very much. Ladies and gentlemen of the Royal Australian Air Force. As a punishment for shooting weather squadl we present the Edgar Wheatley. Page one readers. Write it, Harry. Sir, my wife has just made a pancake 35 foot round. Is this a record? I don't know. Try playing it on grandma. Nick, eh? How can I get out of the infantry? Hold up your foot, Mick. Headline, Headlines. Headlines on the head. Headline. Headline. Footnote. Footnote. Great idiot film star flies back from Hollywood late and early. What? All gotta go sometime, folks. Yes, I am. I was making some short cowboy films. What part did you play? A short cowboy? Yep. Who's your evening lady? Oh, Rita Hayworth. Did you marry him? No, but I. And put my name down. Also off the plan was the heavyweight champion of Rose Street Kid Whiskers Pierce. Yeah, yeah. Okay. Yeah. I fought Sugar Ray Robinson and I would have won but for something the referee said to me. What? One, two, three. Page two. Australian toreador flies back from Spain. The rain fell mainly on his plan. Yes, tell us of your big bull fighting. He was in the arena Del Toro Valencia. And I was there. Oh. So, Senor Barrett, today you fought your first bull. See? Wait a minute. Ray Barrett. Just like we thought. He'd do anything for money. So, Senor Barrett may brut. You look magnificent in your steaming toys. Or kilt and old army boots. Oh, me old army boots. I always wear em. Oh. What's on? I can't get them off. You've been in long fellows. Okay, all you put out. Next, please. This is me. You naughty man. Or kind of band. Allow me to introduce the most beautiful senorita in hut 294A. Senorita Cascana. Her name. Her name's Cascara. I find that hard to swallow. Don't be on. I've seen you a blue doll. You're not pulling in body bath. I don't know, though. I have admired you from afar. My favorite distance. Come, let me kiss the most attractive farm. Your wallet, your checkbook, your etc. You're beautiful. I bet you say that to all. Well, it's no good thing to hold the boys. You're strong and hairy. Whoa. You think I'm big and strong, Fifi? Yes, I think you're big and strong, Fifi. Pardon me, but your mush is showing. Huh? What's the matter? The bull is roaring in the chicken house. Come to Sanguarino. I don't like the look of that bull. Neither do I. But please. What is he putting that black armband on for? He's got a sense of drama. Now remember, senor, if the bull charges to the right, you run for the matador. Yes. If he charged to the left, then you run for the picador. But if he charged straight towards you. Yes, you run for the macador. Goblin Gazoon Tide in Spanish Here he comes now. You've come back. Yes, senorita. I couldn't kill that bull. You see, I'm a vegetarian. So I kill the carrot instead. And here to prove it are its ears and tails. My ears. Yes. That was hero, folks. That was the end of the story. At the end of that day one of happy ending, folks. I'm here with a smile and a song and a pair of weak and dressing teeth. He's Jimmy Parkinson. I know that. You know that. I'll go where you go. I choose you. Won't lose you. I wish you knew how much I long to hold you in my arms this time is my time Will soon be goodbye time Then in the starlight hold me tight with one more little kiss say nighty night, Sat. I'll Go where you go I choose you Won't lose you I wish you knew how much I long to hold you in my arms this time is my time Will soon be goodbye time Then in the starlight hold me tight with one more little kiss say nighty night. Say nighty night. Yes, that was Michael Eisenhower.
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Liberty Mutual customizes your car and home insurance. And now we're customizing this rush hour ad to keep you calm, which could help your driving. And science says therapy is great for a healthy mindset. So enjoy this 14 second session on us. I think you've done everything right and absolutely nothing wrong. In fact, anything that hasn't gone your way could probably be blamed on your father not being emotionally available because his father wasn't emotionally available, and so on. And now that you're calm and healing, you're probably driving better too.
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If the world were like a sleep number mattress, everything would adapt for your comfort. Because as your life changes and your body changes, sleep number mattresses adapt and shift to give you personalized comfort night after night. And now everything's on sale during our Memorial Day event. Save up to $1,200 on mattresses for a limited time to experience a whole new world of comfort. Visit a sleep number store or go to sleep number.com sleep number to a good life sleep. Now we will pay you a recording made of a visit by BBC reporters to the Richmond Abbey. Hello. This is perhaps a little twisty hour. Speaking from outside the great RWF count Richmond. It's evening time and all is silent, save for some of the measured tread of deserters slipping away. Now, I have a young deserter over there, Jim. Certainly. Yes. And I'll walk towards the main entrance here. Look who, who goes to it. Friend or friend? I don't trust anybody. No. At bond time be recognized. Oh, I recognized you. All them dirty big bullet doubles in your nuts. I say, what's going on here? Sergeant. Sergeant. This man has just struck me several times with a bullet. You fool man. You know we haven't got many. I'm sorry. Marshal, please. Yes, and look at Joe. You're still there, your uniform covered in muck. What kind of a guard do you call yourself? I'm a mud guard. How well you carry it on. I say, you're from the BBC angel. Oh, yes. Yeah. Thank you. Now, Eric, my other outside commentator in the men's method for. Hello there. This is Tom Tip here and I'm. I'm speaking from the great men's mess hall. Hey, right already, Officer. Any complaint? Yeah, These things are hard. Hard? He is hard. Yeah. Let me try. There's nothing wrong with that pee. I should think not. I've been chewing it for the last half hour. Good men. You'll get promotion for this, you know. I'll get promotion? Yes, but I'm. I'm a name marshal already somebody has blundered. Die ball will have to go Put you put out. Ow. Nick. Pardon me, I'm from vvc. Who do you tell me your name? I'm not supposed to. It's military secret. Oh. Johnny Flighterson and Gladys Born. DSO and mc. Ah, so you're an emcee. Yes. Listen, ladies and gentlemen, take your partner for the melita I serve this heroism for yours. And I said that was a thrill. A software fright plane of the Royal Australian Air Force dived down and with its wing tip snatched up the handkerchief. Certainly gave everybody a thrill. Yeah, all except me was I was blowing me nose on it. Now this story of flew the phonic barrier in an ordinary airing cover. But first too, the story of ours trailer went through the sand barrier. It was in the year 43 BC that the monk of great renown who had just invented a great wheel made the cartage means the first attempt at fight. Yes, Leah, yes, it is true. It would throw a bolton there one evening he strapped on a parrot. He strapped on a pair of feathered wings. He struck seat and climb on the high tower. He left into space for Lebanese we a great day for aviation. That night a new word came into our language. Compound fracture. And then an ancient Greek captured a rare bird. Yes, I, I, I kept that bird in a cage to study it. But then one deep start to fly backwards and in ever decreasing circles. Thank and in. And in the morning it hit gods. But where the first man who speaks gets shot on to 1958 and the space age Today throughout the civilized world and Sydney the race is on in Russia. Today the Soviet Presidium allotted 10 million rubles to space travel America. And today in the Senate $10 million is allocated to rocket research in America England Co penny for Niles Mike. And what was Australia doing exactly? Nation of patriots. But at this very moment in Canberra a special meeting of high ranking idiots is in progress. Gentlemen, gentlemen, thank you for your support. I will always wear it. You'll. Dear, dear, dear. We are here. Watch that thing. By the way, we are here to discuss a great project. So you may all smoke. Cigarette out and into my pocket it said we could smell. Yes, but not tobacco. Now, Colonel Town explain the plus Applause Australia Is to build a jet fighter made of finest Australian wolf. Oh yes. At this very moment, Rolls Royce of China are living the entrance. Splendid. Phew. Put that horse out. But you said we could smoke, not horses. But he coked it. So I see. Look, here comes the next part of the ship. Scars. I've ridden three leagues to get here. The topa's three leagues above our head. Oh, and why have you tried riding a horse with three leagues? Hold me underwater. Now what do you declare? I've come. I've come from Canberra with good news. Sounds like good news from Canberra. A committee for this, that and the other wants you to build an all leather space rocket. What am I for? I said to him, well, it's to take a photograph of the earth. You see, there are still people arguing as to whether the world is round or flat. What a stupid waste of time. We already know that it's flat. Yes, it is. Yes, we know, we know. But there are idiots who believe it's wrong. Me among them. I'm really the only way to prove it to us. We'll have to hoist beyond the ionic supersphere and photograph the earth to prove that we're wrong. We'll begin work on an all leather steaming string rocket. After this steaming music by Gene Gussie and his old spontaneous. That sound of clapping was produced by police sergeants pointing guns at the inmates. And now the all Australia Leather Rockets Part 2. And soon two parties were on their way to the rocket bay. Ah, that terrifying flight. My brother had a nosebleed and I had to have an oxygen mask. After 16 hours the pilot said to us outside, we can take off now. Pardon your belt be, sir. Oh, what for? But you must know your trousers are coming down. Oh dear. That's a lot of curves dirty about. You're giving too much of the purse contact. I'll kill that mechanic. And by Jove he did. Meantime, we joined the RAAF party who were coming by train. I knew when they were faithful. Now gentlemen, we'll get in this character compartment. Here, sit down please. Sit here. Yes. Now I disclose the finance for the project of this rocket. Plenty of money. Plenty. Nobody to worry about. Plenty of money. £10 million for the Australian market. There's another £40 million available. Listen. Quick, under the feet. Tickets please. Here. What are you doing on the floor? We're talking to a midget. Well, you'll have to go. This is a non compartment. I'll get out. Not when the train is standing in the side yard. Well, that's the end of that Bit. Thank you very much. Yes. And in the next batch, you will hear the rocket launching site being carved out of solid mud. Echo. What over here was that lorry load of grit. Grit. Grit. Been a mistake. I got a l load of shells. Fool. Fool. You. They might explode in this heat. You get them into the ammunition store. You say be back. Then be careful. Okay? All right. And you go back left. Right back. Back. Right. Right hand. Right hand. Now straighten up now. Now straight back as you are. And you're okay. Okay, that's enough. You fool. You come out of that tree. You don't know where I've been. A God blow. Broken my leg. How did you do that? I've got a big hammer. What? You. You. You drop and I will catch you that night. Another new word in our language. Compound compound fracture. Meantime, work on the hairy rocket. Race ahead. Let me show you how echoes there. Let's go it on. I was trying to get it off. Now stop that nonsense. What? Stop it, I say. What? Look, it's urgent. Urgent. Standby for the engine test now. Stand by. Engine test first. The pressure gauge is standby. Switch on. Switch on. Number one gauge. What's your reading pressure? £500. Mike, what have you got? £803. Echo. How much have you got? Nothing. I'm skinned. Will you stop acting like an idiot. Who's acting? Don't you tell me I'm an idiot until I find out what that means. Shut up, idiot. Shut up. Shut up, idiot. Shut up. Shut up, idiot. Men. What? Men don't care. Yep, Bagged out. Come on. Tomorrow at dawn we launch the rocket. And for an encore, they play Cock a Doodle Doo. Cock a doodle doo. Go how to Bates, lads. Get them hands off those blankets. Men. Men. As it's raining. As it's raining, I thought we'd bring the rocket in here. Now, men, stand by to check instruments. Yes. Five, four, three, two, one. Thank you, Ryan. Perfectly tuned engine. Now all make the sound of getting into the rocket. Stop. Stop. Michael, you weren't saying rhubarb, you were. No, I. I got a bad stomach. So I've observed what they are. Oh, Heaven, man. What have you been eating? It's bean soup. Never mind what it's been. What is it? Not. Oh, dear. You're not coming with us. We need every man. Right. Call him. Right. Come on up. The handies and stunning dolls. And for the blind. We don't want people looking in. All ready to take off, sir. Now. Right, men. Crash helmets. Right, men. Crash helmets on. Shock straps. In position. Right. Eisel, do you watch the red gauges? Eccles, you keep your eye on the green gauges. Why there? For dinner. Rocket starts and boosters are ready. And five from now. Monocle's out. Come on. Standby. Championship panic now. Synchronize water. And then five from now. Five, four, three, two, one. One. Laugh. The engine won't stop. Then we'll go without it. Come on. Hold tight. Hold tight. All right, Captain, relax. We're 160 miles above the Earth's crust. You can take your socks off now. All right, I'll get you enough. Down there to the cloud. I destroyed the Earth. Did it look round? Yeah, but I don't think it saw me. Well, let's. Jolly good, jolly good. And we take off these disguises. Yes. I'll get the camera ready. Right, sir. Cut the camera off. Yes. At last. We of Australia are the first men to take a photograph of the Earth. Click there. Now back to Earth. Ah, that's right. The photograph was developed and inspected. Oh, no. The Earth photo. It's ruined. Why? Somebody moved. The end. You've been radio reading Media Weekly written by Spike Milligan. Cartoons were by Ray Barrett and John Bluefield. Headlines by Michael Eisel. Musical illustration by Jimmy Parkinson and Jim Guthrie and the ABC dancer Max 3. This again next week for the final edition of the Idiot Weekly. Ordinarily sized summons. But this week, if you please remember Majesty sources at the RFIs station at Richmond.
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Liberty Mutual customizes your car and home insurance. And now we're customizing this rush hour ad to keep you calm, which could help your driving. And science says therapy is great for a healthy mindset. So enjoy this 14 second session on us. I think you've done everything right and absolutely nothing wrong. In fact, anything that hasn't gone your way could probably be blamed on your father not being emotionally available because his father wasn't emotionally available and so on. And now that you're calm and healing, you're probably driving better too.
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