Podcast Summary

Podcast: Harold's Old Time Radio
Episode: It’s A Crime, Mr. Collins - "The Brown Paper Bag" (AUS 57-03-04)
Date: September 19, 2025
Host: Harold’s Old Time Radio
Main Characters: Greg Collins, Gail Collins, Della Turner, Desmond Monash

Episode Overview

This episode of "It’s A Crime, Mr. Collins" transports listeners to the golden age of radio with a classic mystery drama involving newlyweds Greg and Gail Collins. Their honeymoon quickly turns into a complicated web of danger, deception, and international intrigue when they become entangled in a deadly smuggling ring. The story blends suspense, detective work, and quick-witted banter, exemplifying the appeal of vintage radio mysteries.

Key Discussion Points and Plot Breakdown

1. Setting the Stage

• [01:13] Gail Collins reminisces about the start of her relationship with Greg, a private detective, and how their honeymoon in Mexico City was swiftly interrupted by crime.
  • Quote: “After all, what would you do if a gang of professional killers broke up your wedding night?” — Gail Collins [01:13]

2. A Mysterious Stranger and a Paper Bag

• During their first moments alone as a married couple, a mysterious man stumbles into their cabana, hands Gail a brown paper bag, mutters cryptic phrases (including "Della Turner," "murdering," "head gang," and "singing watch"), and collapses, dead from a stab wound. Greg identifies his occupation from his callused fingers and his New York coat.
  • Quote: “He wasn’t drunk, Gail. See in his back—a knife. Let me have a closer look at him.” — Greg Collins [04:52]
• The paper bag contains nearly a million dollars.
  • Quote: “What’s in it?” — Gail Collins; “A million dollars.” — Greg Collins [05:56-05:58]

3. The Danger Increases: Smuggling and Imposters

• Greg quickly suspects a smuggling operation involving "wetbacks"—Mexican workers illegally crossing the Rio Grande, sometimes smuggling drugs.
  • Explanation: “Lots of very poor Mexicans trying to make a buck sneak across the Rio Grande... crooks help them for cash... Especially if the wetbacks bring a little marijuana or uncut heroin.” — Greg Collins [08:14]
• Fearing for Della Turner (a famous actress in town), the Collinses hurry to warn her, knowing the police would be suspicious of them as strangers found with a corpse and a fortune.

4. A Hair-Raising Cab Ride and Pursuit

• The couple hails a cab but soon realize the driver is going the wrong way and is likely part of the criminal ring. Greg manages to overcome the driver and they use his cab to continue their mission, leaving the driver behind.
  • Memorable moment: “What does mine do? Throws me out the window. Well, Gail Collins, this is your life.” — Gail Collins [09:24]
• News of the murder breaks on the radio, describing Gail's appearance live on-air, adding tension and urgency to their escape.

5. At the Theater: Unmasking the Plot

• At the theater, they attempt to warn Della Turner, learning that the scheduled violinist, Desmond Monash, had an “accident” and is replaced by a bandaged imposter.
• Greg realizes that the dead man in their cabana was the real Desmond Monash, and the plot involves an imposter in the orchestra—a key part of the smuggling operation.

6. Showdown at the Casino del Toro

• Following Della Turner's note, they meet her and the imposter violinist at the seedy Casino del Toro.
• Greg deduces the imposter's identity and details the entire operation—using the acting troupe as a cover to smuggle drugs and people into the US, with the briefcase as the payoff for a "big deal."
  • Quote: “Ms. Turner, that man standing over there with his face covered up by bandages is not Desmond Monash, your violinist.” — Greg Collins [19:05]
• The key clue: the "singing watch" worn by Della Turner, revealing her as the head of the ring.
  • Quote: “You mean like this? On my wrist.” — Della Turner, revealing the musical watch [20:27]

7. Climax: Lights Out and Police Intervention

• A gun is drawn; as Monash is about to shoot, Greg shoots out the lights.
• Police break in. There’s a chase, shots fired, and Della Turner is wounded and apprehended, along with her accomplices.
  • Quote: “Greg practically flew out the window, firing at Della Turner and Desmond Monash as he went. He winged Ms. Turner in the shoulder and got a friend in the leg.” — Gail Collins [21:53]

8. Aftermath: Jailhouse Banter and Case Resolution

• Despite their heroics, Greg and Gail are arrested for failing to report the crime—leading to comic back-and-forth with the local police about civil rights, the evidence, and Greg’s “goo goo eye gendarme” insult.
• Greg explains his key deductions: the violinist’s hands (calluses), the suspect coat label, and his intentional ‘bad’ repair to the cab’s horn—a ruse to draw police to the casino.
  • Quote: “When I fixed the horn, I purposely did a bad repair job, knowing it’ll go off again and attract attention. It did.” — Greg Collins [23:05]
• The newlyweds end up in separate cells with only $1.49 between them, considering bribery as a last resort.
  • Quote: “Because we’ve been running around all night with a million dollars. But me, I have exactly $1 and 49 cents.” — Greg Collins [24:59]

Notable Quotes and Memorable Moments

• “[Greg] I am gonna do something.
  [Gail] What?
  [Greg] Gonna get dressed.” [05:27]

• “It’s our wedding night. I know, but if we don’t reach Della Turner in the next few—” — Greg Collins [07:59]

• “Well, Gail Collins, this is your life.” — Gail Collins humorously lamenting her honeymoon [09:24]

• “They probably wanted to get a man into the States this time in a big deal. ... With all this dough to get into the States, they wouldn’t trust an ordinary wetback. They picked our boy here.” — Greg Collins [19:42]

• “Della Turner, head of the Ringale. The distinguished actress you’re dating yourself, darling. You used to be big, then she was a washout.” — Greg Collins [20:53]

Important Segment Timestamps

• [01:13-03:44] — Gail recounts meeting Greg, their wedding, and the honeymoon set-up.
• [04:03-07:00] — The mysterious visitor and the discovery of the paper bag and murder.
• [08:11-10:19] — Explanation of the "wetback" smuggling ring; escape from the cabana.
• [10:41-12:31] — Tense cab ride, evasion, and escaping suspicion.
• [13:20-14:13] — At the theater; new dangers revealed.
• [17:39-19:47] — Showdown at the Casino del Toro; unmasking Della Turner and the imposter.
• [21:53-23:00] — Action sequence, police intervention, and end of the chase.
• [23:00-24:34] — Debrief at the police station; Greg’s deductions and comic jailhouse banter.

Tone and Style

The episode’s tone is lively and witty, with Gail and Greg’s quick humor and affectionate banter balancing suspense and danger. Dialogue is sharp and playful, creating a classic vintage radio feel.

Final Thoughts

This episode captures the intrigue and character-driven fun of “It’s A Crime, Mr. Collins.” An ordinary honeymoon turns into a thrilling chase through Mexico City’s underbelly, with mistaken identities, international smuggling, and a dash of romance. The plot is tightly paced, the characters memorable, and the period flavor intact—a delightful return to radio’s golden era.

For fans of mystery and old-time radio, this episode is a textbook example of why these classic stories endure—mixing danger, deduction, and delightful repartee in unforgettable style.