Jack Benny 1937-12-12 Christmas Shopping

Summary

---

Podcast Summary: Harold's Old Time Radio

Episode: Jack Benny 1937-12-12 Christmas Shopping
Host: Harolds Old Time Radio
Date: December 23, 2025
Theme:
This episode presents a classic holiday-themed Jack Benny radio show from 1937, blending warm nostalgia with Benny’s signature wit. The focus: the comic chaos of Benny and his friends as they navigate the perils and humor of Christmas shopping in a crowded department store.

---

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Opening Banter and “Holiday Sentiment”

• The episode opens with the Jack Benny cast playfully accusing each other of being extra sweet only because Christmas is approaching and gifts may be in the offing.
  • Don: “After three years of working together so harmoniously, I feel that you deserve such a tribute from me.” (02:42)
  • Jack (skeptical): “There are only 12 more shopping days till Christmas — that had nothing to do with it?” (03:02)
  • The cast teases Jack about his thriftiness and his approach to gift-giving, often joking about winning gifts from a punch board or getting bargains.

2. Seasonal Teasing & Jack’s Reputation

• The friends poke fun at Jack’s frugality and gambling habits, mixing gentle insults with holiday camaraderie:
  • Mary: “No, but you're not supposed to win [presents] on a punch board.” (05:52)
  • Phil: “May I almost drop dead if I'm lying.”
    Jack: “That's fine. Phil, I'm going to nearly give you a present. Well, practically.” (04:29)
  • Mary: “Some gambler. He plays a slot machine with an axe.” (07:10)

3. Kenny’s Love Life Woes

• Jack checks in with Kenny Baker, who’s down because of girlfriend issues:
  • Kenny: “Oh, I went over to her house last night and when I got there, I found another fellow sitting on the sofa with her. And she said it was her brother… And she was kissing him.” (12:13)
  • Jack (deadpan): “…A girl can kiss her brother, can’t she?”
    Kenny: “Not like that.” (12:22)
  • The crew jokes about his “gift-giving technique,” settling on the idea that Kenny should get his girl some stockings, leading to comic discomfort.

4. Mary Reads a Letter from Home

• A comedic highlight is Mary reading an exaggeratedly bleak and hilarious letter from her mother:
  • Mary: “It has been so cold the last two weeks your father hasn't taken a bath since June.” (14:36)
  • “We had to milk the cow with an ice pick.” (14:50)
  • The letter is laced with playful jabs at Jack’s cost-consciousness.
    • “Tell Jack we bought him a beautiful Christmas present. Well, we are standing at COD as Jack always likes to know what things cost.” (15:52)

5. Department Store Shopping – Main Feature

• The bulk of the comedy centers on the chaos of Christmas shopping, department store confusion, and unhelpful salespeople.

  • Jack (reading his list): “Oh, darn it. This is my laundry list. I sent some stuff out this morning.” (19:44)
  • Jack attempts to buy presents for his friends, including a leaky pen and a confusing keychain transaction.
  • The endlessly circular and useless directions given by the floorwalker create classic radio farce:
    • Floorwalker: “You take the elevator.” (Repeatedly, 21:29–22:19)

• Memorable interaction in the toy department:

  • A Shirley Temple doll that just says “Mama” — “What do you want from a doll, the Gettysburg Address?” (25:34)
  • Mary discovers a Popeye/Popeye (“Poo Bye the sailor”) doll, and the group marvels at a talking Andy Devine doll—complete with catchphrase, “Hiya, Buck!” (26:06)

6. Childhood Delight at Santa Claus

• The group encounters a co-worker dressed as Santa (Schlepperman), resulting in a playful exchange:
  • Slap/Schlepperman (as Santa): “I came in here to buy a suit and they sold me a red one.” (27:19)
  • Mary: “Can you put a mink coat in my stocking?” (27:30)
  • The encounter devolves into a spontaneous, parodic song about coming down Jack’s chimney:
    • “I’ll be coming down your chimney when I come…when smoke gets in my eyes.” (28:40–28:53)

7. Classic 1930s Radio Style and Quick Jokes

• The entire episode is peppered with rapid-fire wisecracks, self-referential barbs about the show, and jovial improvisation, preserving the classic “Golden Age of Radio” vibe.
• Several asides reference contemporary culture (e.g., Rose Bowl bets, punch boards, Maxwell cars), enhancing the sense of time.

---

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• “You know, folks, it’s funny how the Yuletide season can put wings on a rat.” — Jack Benny (03:24)
• Mary: “That's more than your kiss would do.” (05:21)
• Jack: “What do you want from a doll, the Gettysburg Address?” (25:34)
• Floorwalker (deadpan, endlessly): “You take the elevator.” (21:37–22:19)
• Schlepperman (as Santa): “Every night when I come home for supper, she feeds me reindeer.” (28:11)
• Jack: “We’ll be waiting, Santa Claus.” (29:28)

---

Important Segment Timestamps

• Gift-giving banter & Jack’s thriftiness: 02:32–07:20
• Kenny’s romantic troubles: 11:57–13:19
• Mary reads letter from her mother: 13:57–16:12
• Christmas shopping and department store chaos: 19:17–29:28
• Santa Claus encounter and send-up: 26:40–29:28

---

Episode Vibe & Takeaways

This broadcast captures the timeless chaos and camaraderie of group holiday shopping, masterfully employing the rapid wit and warm chemistry that made Jack Benny a radio legend. It’s a comedic time capsule—delivering gentle lampooning of the pressure and confusion of buying the perfect Christmas gifts while reminding us of the enduring appeal of family, friends, and nostalgia for the “Golden Age of Radio.”

---

Transcript

[A]

Save on holiday essentials at Safeway and Albertsons this week. Get USDA Choice Beef Bone in Roast for $6.97 per pound with digital coupon and minimum purchase of $50 or more in a single transaction, excluding the price of the roast while supplies last. Limit one plus. Get broccoli, cauliflower, green beans or Brussels sprouts for 97 cents per pound with digital coupon. Limit six pounds and russet, red or yellow potatoes, yellow onions, yams or Sweet potatoes are 99 cents per pound member price. Visit safewayalbertsons.com for more deals.

[B]

J E L L.

[C]

The Jello program, starring Jack Benny with Mary Livingston and Phil Harrison is Orchestra. The orchestra opens a program with Life begins at sweet 16 from scandals. On one of our recent programs, we said the Jello was delicious, served perfectly plain. Well, it seems that one of our listeners objected to that, for she wrote in and said, there's no such thing as plain Jell O. The shimmering mold of Jell O. And any one of those six beautiful colors just simply can't be plain. Well, of course, she's right about that. But what we meant was this. You don't have to add anything to Jello to make it delicious. You can serve it without any special dressing up and you'll have a grand dessert every time. For Jello brings you delicious, extra rich fruit flavor that rivals the flavor of the fresh ripe fruit itself. But whether you serve Jell O plain or with fruits, nuts or whipped cream, you'll always find it makes a grand dessert. So insist on genuine Jell O. Don't accept any substitutes for there's only one Jell O and only Jell O brings you that special extra rich flavor. Look for the big red letters on the box. They spell Jell. That was Life begins at sweet 16 from scandals. And now, ladies and gentlemen, we bring you that all around swell guy, a man I'm proud to call my friend. One of the sweetest fellows that I've ever been associated with, Jack Benny.

[B]

Thank you. Well, Jello again, this is Sugar Benny talking and Don, tell me what happened. My goodness, what's come over you?

[C]

Oh, nothing, Jack. But after three years of working together so harmoniously, I feel that you deserve such a tribute from me.

[B]

Oh, I see, Don, it took you three years to get that old feeling. Are you sure you had no other reason for that lovely eulogy? I mean, no ulterior mot.

[C]

Oh, no, Jack. I've always been very fond of you and regard you as a real pal.

[B]

Oh, then the fact that There are only 12 more shopping days till Christmas had nothing to do with it.

[C]

Absolutely not. I like you whether you buy me a gold cigarette case with my monogram on it or not.

[B]

Hmm. Then you weren't hinting or anything.

[C]

No, Jack. I swear it on a box of Jell.

[B]

O. What flavor?

[C]

Raspberry.

[B]

I thought so. I knew there was a reason for those sugary sentiments. Oh, hiya, Phil. Hello, Jack, old boy. Glad to see you, Baby. Baby? He likes me too. You know, folks, it's funny how the yuletide season can put wings on a rat. So you're glad to see me, huh? Yes, Jack. And I never saw you looking better. Boy, you look like a million dollars. No, I do. Well, I'm not gonna spend any of it, so don't be so complimentary. You and Donna become great fans of mine all of a sudden? Jack, I always thought you were a great guy and a very talented artist. Then why didn't you tell me? What for? You know it. Oh, that's right. And furthermore, that compliment I paid you had nothing to do with the Christmas present. That's a lie. It is not. Then take a note. All right. May I almost drop dead if I'm lying? That's fine. Phil, I'm going to nearly give you a present. Well, practically.

[C]

Thanks.

[B]

Let me tell you something, Phil. The way you've been acting this past year and your general attitude toward me, I wouldn't spend over 50 cents on a gift for you. You wouldn't spend over 50 cents on new Year's Eve? Why, I would too. You'd have to get cockeyed first. Well, a little anesthetic helps. Anyway, I'm too smart to be fooled by you guys. You and your false compliments.

[D]

Jingle bell, jingle bell Jingle all the.

[B]

Way oh, hello, Mary.

[D]

Hello, honey bunch.

[B]

Honey bunch? Well, I suppose I'm a swell guy. You're glad to see me, and I look like a million dollars.

[D]

You took the words right out of my hand.

[B]

Oh, I see. Why don't you ask me for a kiss now? Go ahead. It's near Christmas. You ask me for a kiss and I'll turn you down so fast it'll make your head swim.

[D]

That's more than your kiss would do.

[B]

Oh, I don't know. I'm not so bad. How about the other night in the Trocadero when the lights went out?

[D]

Was that you?

[B]

Yes.

[D]

Then I apologize.

[B]

Oh, you apologize. Well, you wouldn't any other time. Why is it that you and Phil and Don are always so sweet to Me, right before Christmas, and so nasty the day after. Look at the presents you give us. Well, what am I supposed to do? Spend a fortune on gifts for this bunch?

[D]

No, but you're not supposed to win them on a punch board.

[B]

A punch board?

[D]

Yes.

[B]

Say, if I can pick up a star sapphire for a quarter, I'm gonna do it anyway. I like a little action when I spend money. I like to gamble. You like to gamble? You know I do. Didn't I try to make a bet with you on the Rose bowl game? I'll say you tried.

[C]

Why didn't you take him up, Phil?

[B]

He only wanted California and 87. I did not. Mary was standing right there with me in front of the Brown Derby when I suggested the bet. What did I say, Mary?

[D]

I don't know. I was flirting with a sailor.

[B]

It's a fine thing, a girl like you standing on the street flirting with a sailor. You didn't even know his name.

[D]

I did too.

[B]

What was it?

[D]

S.S. wyoming.

[B]

Well, you must have seen it someplace. Anyway, Phil, if you still want that bet. If you still want that bet, you're gonna have it.

[E]

Go on.

[B]

I only bet with gamblers. Oh, I suppose I'm not. Well, around o' Farrell's pool room in Waukegan, I was known as Nick the Greek. Yes, sir.

[C]

Is that true, Jack?

[B]

Why, Don, I used to bet 10, 15 cents on the turn of a card. And if I lost. Ishkabibble. You can't help yourself, Don. I'm a gambler, and it's in my blood.

[D]

Some gambler. He plays a slot machine with an axe.

[B]

I do. And to hear this gang talk, you'd think I was a regular miser. I'm not afraid to part with my money.

[D]

Then why do you keep a police dog in your pocketbook?

[B]

A police dog? Now, that's just trying to be funny, that's all. I'll show you. Now, look, folks, here's my pocketbook. You can see for yourself. Is there a police dog in it? I've been framed for the low, underhanded trick. Play, Phil. Now, come clean, Mary, did you have anything to do with this? Very nice, Phil. Very nice. That was Dipsy Doodle, played by Phil Harris and his orc or. Yes, we've got a long program tonight, Mary, so I'm abbreviating. Anyway. It was very good, Phil. I thought that number was terrif. Really, Coloss. Thanks, Jack. I apprish that. That's the idea, Phil. You saved us half a second there. Didn't he, Mary?

[D]

Oh, but Death.

[B]

Well, Livy, that's co oping.

[C]

Jack, is our program really so long tonight?

[B]

I'm afraid it is, Don.

[C]

I see. Ladies and gents, when you're out shopping for an economic dessert, go to your knave gross and consid jell O.

[B]

Very good, Don. Very good.

[C]

It comes in six delish flav straw, brass chair or lamb and lum. Lum.

[D]

He forgot Abner.

[B]

Quiet.

[C]

So remember folks, none is gin without the big red lips on the bees.

[B]

That was swell, Don. Let's give him a hand, fellas. That's enough.

[F]

Toyota thon. Toyota thon. Toyota Thon is on. Oh, what fun it is to drive a new Toyota today. Hey, Jan from Toyota here reminding you Toyotathon is on. Make your holiday wishes come true with a new Camry RAV4 Tacoma and more. All right, let's sing it together this time. Toyota Thon. Toyota Thon. Toyota thon.

[B]

Dealer inventory may vary. Toyota thone ends January 5th. See your participating dealer for details. Toyota, let's go places.

[G]

If you're the purchasing manager at a manufacturing plant, you know having a trusted partner makes all the difference. That's why, hands down, you count on Grainger for auto reordering. With on time restocks, your team will have the cut resistant gloves they need at the start of their shift. And you can end your day knowing they've got some safety well in hand. Call 1-800-granger. Click granger.com or just stop by Granger for the ones who get it done.

[B]

Well, we must have saved about an hour and a half there. And now, folks, for our feature attraction of the evening and dramatic highlight, Kenny Baker will walk in late as usual.

[H]

I'm not late. I was sitting here all the time.

[B]

You were? Then why didn't you speak up?

[H]

Because I didn't feel like it, that's why.

[B]

What's the matter with you, Kenny? Are you still fighting with your girl?

[H]

Yes. Darn that love life of mine.

[B]

Well, it's interfering with your work and I won't put up with it. Now what happened?

[H]

Oh, I went over to her house last night and when I got there, I found another fellow sitting on the sofa with her. And she said it was her brother.

[B]

Well.

[H]

And she was kissing him.

[B]

Well, that's no crime. A girl can kiss her brother, can't she?

[H]

Not like that.

[B]

Well, Kenny, she's got another fella. Maybe your technique is wrong. Don't you ever bring her a present or anything?

[D]

Oh, sure.

[H]

Every time I go to see her, I bring a package of gum. I Give her two sticks and I take two sticks.

[B]

Then what?

[H]

We two like the dickens.

[B]

Well, that must be exciting.

[D]

I bet when the flavor's gone, he goes home.

[B]

Yeah. Imagine them sitting there, each chewing two sticks of gum. What happens to the extra stick, Kenny?

[H]

The other guy gets that.

[B]

Well, you're too generous. I'll tell you what you do, Kenny. Why don't you buy her a nice gift for Christmas? You know, something she can use, like perfume or stockings.

[H]

Stockings?

[B]

Yeah.

[H]

Gee, I'd be ashamed to ask for those.

[D]

If you're afraid, Kenny, I'll buy them for you.

[H]

No, I'll buy them. It might be a thrill.

[B]

Sure it will, Kenny. You'll get a kick out of it. And now, folks, now that Kenny feels better, he's going to sing one of the. Pardon me. Come in. Special delivery for Jake Benny. Right here, boy. And my name is Jack. Glad to know you. Mine's Harry. Harry. That's a fine name. With that bald head of yours, you should see my chest. Well, button your shirt and give me that letter. Here you are.

[H]

Goodbye.

[D]

Who's the letter from, Jack?

[B]

Wait a minute. It's from. Hey, Mary, this letter's for you. It came in care of me.

[D]

Let's have it. Oh, Jack, it's from my mother.

[B]

You haven't opened it yet. How do you know?

[D]

She makes her own postage stamp.

[B]

Oh, well, let's hear what the old comedian has to say. Read it. Mary, I think your mother's a riot. Go ahead. We haven't got all night.

[D]

Okay. Plainfield, New Jersey, December 10th. My dear daughter Mary, I haven't written you in some time as I've been busy preparing for the holidays. I received your letter and thanks very much for the check. It would have come in handy, but the landlord grabbed it on the first bounce.

[I]

Wow.

[D]

Right now we're having a siege of zero weather here in Plainfield. It has been so cold the last two weeks. Your father hasn't taken a bath since June.

[C]

June.

[B]

My, my.

[D]

Last Monday was the coldest day of the year. It was so bad, we had to milk the cow with an ice pick.

[B]

Boy, that is cold.

[D]

Uh, your Uncle Julius.

[C]

What is it, Mary?

[D]

Oh, Dex, this is. Your Uncle Julius was showing off yesterday.

[B]

Go on, Mary, read it.

[D]

Your Uncle Julius was showing off yesterday and went outdoors without his earmuffs?

[B]

Yes.

[D]

So today he's going out without his ears.

[B]

Well, it serves him right.

[D]

This caused a lot of trouble, as now we have to glue his glasses on.

[B]

I bet he looks funny at that, huh?

[D]

Your cousin Otto was visiting Us over the holidays, and he still walks in his sleep. So for Christmas, we are giving him pajamas with a cane to match.

[B]

That was thoughtful, I think.

[D]

Tell Jack we bought him a beautiful Christmas present, too. Well, we are standing at COD as Jack always likes to know what things cost.

[B]

I hope it's something cheap.

[D]

Must close now. So, Merry Christmas to you, Don, Phil, Kenny and Nick the Greek, as usual.

[B]

Your mother, as usual. Well, that was all right, Mama. Still up to par there.

[C]

Well, say, Jack.

[B]

Yes, Don?

[C]

It's getting rather late now. What kind of a play are we going to do tonight?

[B]

Oh, we won't have time for that, Don. Besides, I've got to get all my Christmas shopping done. I've been putting it off and off, and today I'm going to do it. There goes $8. I wish that was all. Don, Announce Kenny's song and give him a good buildup, will ya?

[C]

Sure. I'll handle it.

[D]

Can I go with you, Jack? I got a lot of shopping to do, too.

[B]

Okay. Come along, Mary. So long, fellas.

[D]

Goodbye, everybody.

[C]

Are you ready for your song, Kenny?

[B]

All set.

[C]

And now, ladies and gentlemen, Kenny Baker, the tenor of the Jello show, will sing Am I in love from Mr. Dodd takes the Air, accompanied by Phil Harris and his Jello Orchestra, which comes to you through the courtesy of Jello Boy, what a break. Sing it, Kenny.

[E]

Tell me why my temples tingle Every time we meet My heart goes pitter patter then sings to Mr. Be I've been writing and reciting poetry all day what can it be? If you ask me I really couldn't.

[D]

Swear.

[I]

Am.

[E]

I in love? What am I the victim of? The thing that makes a tiger tender as a dove There must be something wrong with me I know for I'm behaving like a raving Romeo Am I in my. Am I the victim of the magic of the moonlight and a million stars above? I only wish I knew.

[D]

But.

[E]

If I am then I'm in love. With you.

[C]

That was Am I In Love? Sung by Kenny Baker. And now, ladies and gentlemen, we take you to one of Hollywood's biggest department stores, where we find.

[B]

See, this store is crowded. Everybody pushing and shoving. Here, give me your hand, Mary.

[I]

Let go of me.

[D]

My name's Kelly.

[B]

Oh, pardon me, lady. Mary. Mary, where are you?

[D]

Over here in men's garter.

[B]

Well, take them off and stick to me. Now, let's see what's first on my list. Four shirts, six handkerchiefs, three pair of socks, two hand towels. Oh, darn it. This is my laundry list. I sent Some stuff out this morning.

[D]

I thought you did your own.

[B]

I was too busy this week. Anyway, I know what I want. Now, let me see. First, I want to get a little gold plated keychain for Phil.

[D]

Yeah, there's something he doesn't need.

[B]

He does, too. He always carries a lot of keys in his pocket.

[D]

That guy knows more doors.

[B]

Yeah.

[D]

Here's the counter right over here.

[B]

Oh, yes. Pardon me, sir. I'd like to buy a chain, dog, watch or daisy. Look, I want a keychain. You know, for keys. How about a nice fountain pen? I don't want a fountain pen. I want a chain. How can you write a letter with a chain? Now, look, young man, I don't want to write a letter. Oh, you don't, eh? No. Guys like you that cause all the trouble in this country. What trouble? Now, wait a minute. Do you want to sell me a chain or not? I wouldn't sell you a chain if you were an elk's tooth. Oh, come on, Mary, let's go.

[D]

Why don't you take the fountain pen, Jack? Phil could lead the orchestra with it.

[B]

All right. How much is that fountain pen? $4. All right, here you are. Wrap it up and I haven't got all day. Okay. Fresh guy. Hey, what's the idea wrapping that pen in a blotter?

[C]

It leaks a little.

[B]

$4 for a leaky pen? I want to have you fired. You can't do it. Why not? I don't work here. A fine store.

[D]

Let's go to the toy department, Jack. I want to get some dolls for a couple of kids I know.

[B]

Yeah, I wonder where it is. Wait here, Mary. I'll ask the floor walker. Pardon me, sir. Could you direct me to the toy department? The toy department? Yes. You take the elevator.

[I]

Where's the perfume counter, please?

[B]

Two aisles to the right, madam, and straight ahead. Now, what was it you wanted? The toy department. Oh, yes, the toy department. You take the elevator. Excuse me, where do I get Christmas cards? Third floor, center aisle. Thank you. Now, let's see. You wanted the toy department, please. Oh, yes. Excuse me. You take the elevator.

[D]

Oh, floor walker, have you seen my little bo?

[B]

Madam, I've seen thousands of little boys.

[D]

Well, that's not the one. Goodbye.

[B]

Now, look, mister. Oh, pardon me. You wanted lampshades, didn't you? No, I wanted toys. The toy department. Oh, of course. Now you take the elevator. I've taken it three times already. My goodness. Well, don't get huffy about it. I'm not getting huffy and I don't Want any back talk? Got a good mind to report you. What's your name?

[I]

Woo.

[C]

Woo Smith.

[D]

Oh, hey, Jack, I found out where it is. It's on the fourth floor.

[B]

Okay, Mary, let's take the elevator. Now, stay close to me.

[D]

Oh, Jack, look, there's Kenny over by the ladies hosiery counter.

[B]

Oh, he finally did it.

[C]

Where?

[D]

Oh, yeah, look at him blushing.

[B]

Let's sneak over.

[D]

Now, young man, for the 10th time, what do you want?

[H]

Well, I. Oh, you laugh.

[D]

Oh, come on now, please, I'm very busy.

[H]

All right. I want a pair of stockings.

[D]

What kind?

[H]

For leg.

[B]

Hello, Kenny.

[H]

Oh, hello, Jack boy.

[A]

What?

[H]

I've just gone through.

[B]

Well, come along with us. We're going up to the toy department. You can get the stockings later.

[H]

Okay.

[D]

Now, here's the elevator. Jack Bowen, up.

[I]

Watch your step, please.

[B]

Let's get in, quick. It's awfully crowded.

[I]

Hey, you, stop pushing.

[B]

I'm not pushing, lady. I'm just trying to get in the elevator.

[I]

Well, you don't have to get rough about it, you communist.

[B]

Well, I'm sorry.

[I]

That's all you can expect from a.

[D]

Guy that drives a Maxwell.

[B]

I'll ignore that. Oh, Kenny. Kenny. Hey, Mary, we lost Kenny.

[D]

We did not. I'm standing on him.

[B]

Standing on him?

[H]

Yeah.

[I]

Going up. Hang on to your hats.

[B]

Darn a store item.

[I]

Second floor, flatiron sofa pillars, submarines, aspirin, tablets and horseradish on up.

[B]

Say, boy, this elevator is awfully crowded, isn't it?

[I]

You should see it on bank night.

[B]

It sure is packed.

[D]

Breathe in, Jack, so I can breathe out.

[B]

Quiet.

[I]

Third floor, stuffed furniture. Stuffed aisle, stuffed celery and stuff. Stuff. Next up, Albuquerque.

[B]

What is this, a train?

[H]

I think so. I got a cinder in my eye.

[D]

That's my heel.

[I]

Fourth floor, Darning needles, knitting needles, hypodermic needles and needles. California.

[B]

Aren't the toys on this floor?

[I]

They must be.

[C]

This is the end of the line.

[B]

Come on, Mary and Kenny.

[I]

Going down. All aboard.

[B]

Mary. Get away from those. Now, let's see. Where are the toys?

[D]

There's a floor walker. Ask him.

[B]

Oh, yeah. Excuse me, sir. Where's the doll department? The doll department? Yes. You won't tell anybody, will you? No, you can trust me. The third aisle to the left, center section. Look for the lady in black. See? Everybody's nuts around here.

[D]

Can I help you, sir?

[B]

Yes, ma'.

[H]

Am.

[B]

We're looking for something in dolls.

[D]

Oh, we have a lovely assortment. Now, here's an original Shirley Temple doll. Oh, gee, that's cute, Jack, when you lay it down here's what happens, Mama.

[I]

Ma.

[H]

Ma.

[B]

Ma.

[A]

Ma, Ma.

[B]

Oh, isn't that marvelous?

[H]

Aw, she says the same thing every time.

[B]

What do you want from a doll, the Gettysburg Address? That isn't what I want anyway.

[D]

Look, Jack, here's a nice one. Poo Bye the sailor.

[B]

That's Popeye Poopey.

[D]

If you're looking for a novelty, here's something brand new this year. An Andy Devine doll.

[B]

An Andy Divine doll. Gee, Mary does look like Andy. Curly hair, big smile, baggy pants and everything. How does it work, miss?

[D]

Well, you wind it up like this. And he talks. Listen.

[I]

Hiya, Buck. Hiya, Buck. Hiya, Buck.

[B]

Hiya, Buck.

[E]

Aw, isn't he cute, Larry?

[D]

Aw, he's awesome.

[I]

Hiya, Buck.

[E]

Hiya, Buck.

[B]

Oh, it's all run down. Wind it up again, Mary.

[I]

Woo hoo hoo. That tickled.

[B]

Hey, Kenny, have you seen this doll? At talk it does.

[I]

Hiya, Buck. Hiya, Buck. Hiya, Buck. Hiya, Buck.

[H]

Hello, Andy.

[I]

Hiya, Kenny. Hiya, Kenny. Hiya, Kenny. Hiya, Kenny Black.

[B]

Well, that's the most marvelous thing I've ever seen. I'll take this one, miss.

[D]

Oh, Jack, look at Santa Claus over there sitting in that sleigh.

[H]

She's all dressed up in red.

[B]

Let's go over and see him. He looks so fat and jolly. Come on, we'll talk to him.

[D]

This ought to be fun.

[H]

Gee, I'm scared.

[B]

Funny. I feel just like a kid again.

[D]

Go ahead, talk to him, Jack.

[B]

Oh, I don't want. He might ask me if I've been a good boy.

[D]

Oh, go on, Jack.

[B]

All right. Hello, Santa Claus.

[I]

Hello, Spencer. Thank you.

[B]

Hey, slapper.

[C]

Mom.

[I]

Wyatt. I'm Kris Kringle now.

[B]

Well, tell me, Sleb, how do you happen to be Santy Claus?

[I]

I don't know. I came in here to buy a suit and they sold me a red one.

[B]

Slap. It is kind of loud, though.

[I]

I feel like a stoplight. Well, Mary, tell Santa Claus, what do you want for Christmas, Huh?

[D]

Can you put a mink coat in my stocking?

[I]

Why, certainly, boy.

[D]

You are Santa Claus.

[B]

So am I and you know it. Kenny, tell Santa Claus what you want.

[H]

Oh, I'm too big for that stuff.

[I]

Ah, speak up, Kenny boy. What would you like to find in your stockings Christmas morning?

[C]

Me?

[H]

My feet are cold.

[B]

Oh, you're too practical there.

[I]

Hello, Mr. Benny.

[B]

Hello, little boy.

[I]

Look, look. Santa Claus is my puppet.

[B]

He is?

[E]

Sure.

[I]

Hey, Santa Claus, ain't you my puppet? Go home, Pinkus. You're spoiling the illusion.

[B]

So that's your little Boy. Well, tell me, Slap, what does your wife think of you being Santy Claus?

[I]

My, my, Jackie. She's overdoing it. Every night when I come home for supper, she feeds me reindeer.

[B]

Reindeer for supper. How do you like it? Fine.

[I]

But the horns give me indigestion.

[B]

Well, we gotta be running along. Say goodbye to Santa Claus.

[D]

Goodbye, Santi.

[I]

Goodbye, kiddies.

[B]

Hey, Schlepp, when am I gonna see you again?

[I]

Well, I'll tell you, Jack. I'll be coming down your chimney when I come. I'll be coming down your chimney when I come.

[B]

You'll be coming down my chimney.

[D]

He'll be coming down your chimney.

[I]

I'll be coming down when smoke gets in my eyes.

[B]

He'll be coming down the chimney when he.

[I]

Can't you hear me calling? When the snow is gently falling.

[B]

He'll be coming down the chimney when he.

[I]

I would like a cup of tea. When I bench you on my knee. It'll be coming down the chimney.

[B]

It'll be coming down the chimney.

[I]

I'll be coming down the chimney when I. Well.

[B]

We'Ll be waiting, Santa Claus.

[E]

Let's go home, kitties.

[C]

This is the time of the year when all the family will soon be home. And here's a grand dessert that all the family will love. The name of it is Apple Lime Whip. And you like it especially because it's delicious fruit dessert that's always seasonal. Here's how you make it. Dissolve one package of lime jello in a pint of hot water, chill until cold and syrupy. Then place in a bowl of cracked ice and whip with a rotary egg beater until it's deliciously fluffy. Fold in one cup of applesauce and turn into a mold. When it's chilled firm and ready to serve, you'll be delighted with Apple Lime Whip. For whipped lime, jello has a grand and luscious color, a lovely creamy green, and molded with applesauce, it makes a wonderful flavor combination. Smooth, rich and delicious. Try this brand new dessert tomorrow, but just be sure you make it with the one and only genuine Jell O.

[B]

We're a little late, so good night, folks.

[C]

Jimmy Baker appears on the Jello program through the courtesy of Mervyn leroy Productions. The melody I'm in My Glory is from the star of the picture Merry gown of 1938. This is the National Broadcasting Company.

[F]

Toyota Thon. Toyota Thon. Toyota Thon is on. Oh, what fun it is to drive a new Toyota today. Hey, Jan from Toyota here reminding you Toyotathon is on. Make your holiday wishes come true with a new Camry RAV4 Tacoma and more. All right, let's sing it together this time. Toyota Thon Toyota Thon Toyota Thon.

[B]

Dealer inventory may vary. Toyota Thon ends January 5th. See your participating dealer for details. Toyota let's go.

[D]

Places League 1 volleyball is back. The world's best players together on American soil. This is volleyball like you've never seen before. Huge swings, massive blocks, jaw dropping digs. A sport where every play is a highlight. League 1 volleyball returns January 7, 2026, with teams in Atlanta, Austin, Houston, Madison, Nebraska and Salt Lake. To buy tickets, visit lovb.com iheartra.