Jack Benny 1939-01-01 Goodbye 1938, Hello 1939

Summary

Harold's Old Time Radio: "Jack Benny 1939-01-01 Goodbye 1938, Hello 1939"

Release Date: February 8, 2025
Host/Author: Harold's Old Time Radio
Podcast Description: Relive the charm of the Golden Age of Radio with classic shows that once captivated families nationwide. Discover beloved programs featuring iconic characters like The Shadow, Abbott & Costello, Amos & Andy, Dragnet, and many more.

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1. Introduction: Welcoming the New Year

The episode kicks off with Don Wilson introducing "The Jello Program," featuring Jack Benny alongside Mary Livingston, Phil Harris, Kenny Baker, and Don himself. Don opens with a warm New Year's greeting, sharing a heartfelt letter from Mrs. C.C. Brown of Huntington, West Virginia, who has been a loyal Jell-O user for 37 years.

Notable Quote:

Don Wilson [00:33]: "We bought our first package of JELL-O in December 1902... Jell-O made a hit and we've used it exclusively ever since."

Jack Benny humorously reacts to Don's overly flattering introduction, setting a light-hearted and comedic tone for the episode.

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2. New Year’s Eve Shenanigans

The conversation quickly shifts to recounting New Year's Eve activities. Don mentions taking his wife to a movie and then celebrating at the Coconut Grove, only for his wife to forget her shoes in the theater.

Notable Quote:

Jack Benny [03:00]: "I got paid for it, didn't you?"

(Referring to helping blow up balloons early for the event)

Jack and his friends engage in playful banter about seating arrangements from New Year's Eve, with Jack expressing frustration over being seated far from the bandstand.

Notable Quote:

Jack Benny [05:34]: "Behind a post? What are you talking about?"

Mary Livingston adds to the humor by teasing Jack about his old-fashioned tuxedo, leading to a series of jokes about his attire and style choices.

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3. Musical Interlude and Product Integration

Mary Livingston attempts to present a New Year's poem, which is humorously flawed, prompting Jack to urge her to complete it quickly. Don Wilson seamlessly integrates a Jell-O advertisement into the dialogue, promoting various Jell-O pudding flavors.

Notable Quote:

Mary Livingston [08:20]: "With a capital K. Lemon and lime, for heaven's sake."

The segment blends comedy with product promotion, a common feature in radio shows of the era.

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4. The Lost Rose Bowl Tickets Fiasco

A subplot unfolds as Jack realizes he's misplaced his Rose Bowl tickets. He calls Rochester for help, leading to a comedic exchange about the missing tickets and Rochester's own chaotic plans for the day.

Notable Quote:

Jack Benny [16:37]: "Rochester, who do you pick to win the game, Duke or USC?"

Kenny Baker [15:04]: "I didn't say anything about betting, Phil. I just told you who was going to win."

The humorous interaction highlights the typical misadventures and misunderstandings that drive much of Jack Benny's comedy.

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5. Feature Play: "Goodbye 1938, Hello 1939"

The core of the episode is an original fantasy play that personifies the years 1938 and 1939. Jack Benny plays 1938, portrayed as a weary family patriarch preparing to hand over his "lease" on Earth to the new tenant, 1939, played by Kenny Baker.

Plot Highlights:

• Setting: The home of Mr. and Mrs. 1938 in a big round house called the Earth.
• Conflict: 1938 must vacate by midnight to make way for 1939.
• Humorous Elements: References to historical events and playful interactions with celestial characters like "old man Mars."

Notable Quote:

Mary Livingston [26:37]: "Boy, what a dump. This house could stand a lot of fixing up."

The play combines satire with imaginative storytelling, reflecting societal transitions and the hopeful anticipation of a new year.

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6. Closing Remarks and Future Announcements

As the episode draws to a close, Don Wilson returns with another Jell-O promotion, this time highlighting new pudding flavors such as Butterscotch, Vanilla, and Chocolate. Jack Benny wraps up the show by teasing upcoming programs, including a radio adaptation of Walt Disney's "Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs."

Notable Quote:

Jack Benny [28:58]: "We will be with you again next Sunday night at the same time. Are you listening, Tommy?"

The episode ends on a cheerful note, encouraging listeners to tune in for future broadcasts and reinforcing the show's blend of entertainment and advertising.

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Key Highlights and Insights

• Humorous Character Dynamics: The interplay between Jack Benny and his castmates showcases the timeless appeal of comedic timing and character-driven humor.

• Effective Product Integration: Jell-O promotions are seamlessly woven into the narrative, reflecting the era's approach to sponsored content.

• Cultural References: The feature play cleverly incorporates references to contemporary events and popular culture, enhancing relatability for the 1939 audience.

• Enduring Themes: Themes of transition, renewal, and the optimism of a new year resonate throughout the episode, offering both humor and a sense of continuity.

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Conclusion:
"Goodbye 1938, Hello 1939" serves as a delightful snapshot of 1939-era radio entertainment, blending humor, storytelling, and product promotion. Through its engaging characters and witty exchanges, the episode captures the spirit of the time, making it a valuable listen for enthusiasts of classic radio shows and vintage comedy.

Transcript

[Spanish Announcer]

Perdio Sutra bajo redujeron susoras ponderia calificar para los beneficios del segro de desempleo de Oregon Es gratis applicar sin costos nitari FAS paroptender beneficios y los servicios de interpretacion Estandis ponibles presentar su solicitud es facil yame al uno, ocho, siete, siete, tres, cuatro, cinco, tres, cuatro, ocho, cuatro. Uno, ocho, siete, siete, tres, cuatro, cinco, tres, cuatro, ocho, cuatro.

[Don Wilson]

The Jello Program, starring Jack Benny with Mary Livingston, Phil Harris, Kenny Baker and yours truly, Don Wilson. The orchestra opens the program with no wonder. Well, here we are at the beginning of another year, and Jell O wants to send greetings to all of you. And we've received a letter that makes a swell New Year's greeting for us. It's from a woman who's been using Jell O year in and year out for the past 37 years. She is Mrs. C.C. brown of Huntington, West Virginia, and listen to what she writes. We bought our first package of JELL O in December 1902. We lived in the country then and made few trips to a store, so the Jello was a bit of a luxury saved for the holiday gathering of kin and friends. Needless to say, Jell O made a hit and we've used it exclusively ever since. When I had my own home, I wanted something special. Nothing so filled the requirements as Jell O. In all those 37 years of use, I've never had a package that wasn't perfect. And Jello is a prime favorite with my family. Well, thank you, Mrs. Brown. That's a grand letter. To start us off on 1939, and to the rest of you, we'd like to say if you want to give your family their prime favorite dessert, if you want to enjoy that delicious, extra rich fruit flavor, look for the big red letters on the box. They spell jelly. And now, ladies and gentlemen, this being the first day of the new year, it behooves me to introduce the star of this program in a manner befitting his dignity and position. Well, he is a man whose illustrious character and many fine qualities have my sincere admiration.

[Jack Benny]

Oh, Don, please.

[Don Wilson]

A man whose lovable nature and unselfish devotion to others.

[Mary Livingston]

Say, Jack.

[Jack Benny]

Quiet, Mary. I want to hear this. Go ahead, Don.

[Don Wilson]

Whose unselfish devotion to others has endeared him to the Hearts of his public.

[Jack Benny]

How true.

[Don Wilson]

So I bring you none other than that sparkling, scintillating, outstanding personality.

[Jack Benny]

That's not me. I'll kill myself.

[Don Wilson]

Jack Benny.

[Jack Benny]

Thank you. Thank you. Hello again. This is Jack Benny talking, one of the sweetest guys I've ever met. And Don, I want to thank you for that beautiful introduction. You know, as a rule, a man has to be dead before he gets such a lovely tribute.

[Don Wilson]

Well, I wrote it just before the broadcast while you were lying down.

[Jack Benny]

Oh, you didn't expect me to get up, eh? Well, I am pretty tired after last night. Hey, by the way, Don, what did you do New Year's Eve? Did you have any fun?

[Don Wilson]

Oh, I had a swell time, Jack. Simply wonderful.

[Jack Benny]

That's good.

[Don Wilson]

First I took my wife to a movie and then we went to the Coconut Grove to celebrate.

[Jack Benny]

Well, that was nice. First a picture and then the Coconut Grove. I. I suppose you danced a lot.

[Don Wilson]

No, my wife left her shoes in the movies.

[Jack Benny]

Well, there's nothing like relaxing at the cinema. I often slip my shoes off myself. But I'm getting so absent minded, I'm not gonna do it anymore.

[Don Wilson]

You're not?

[Jack Benny]

No. The other night at Grauman's Chinese, I was clear down to my underwear before the ushers stopped me. Oh, it was embarrassing.

[Don Wilson]

I can imagine. Well, tell me, Jack, how did you spend New Year's Eve?

[Phil Harris]

Em?

[Don Wilson]

Any excitement last night?

[Jack Benny]

Well, I had a fairly good time, Don. I took Mary to the Wilshire bowl, you know, where Phil Harris is playing.

[Kenny Baker]

Oh, you did say you had a pretty good time in my place last night, didn't you, Jackson?

[Jack Benny]

Yes, I had a nice time, Filson. But as long as it was your place, you might have seen that I got a decent table.

[Kenny Baker]

What are you talking about? Your table wasn't so far away.

[Jack Benny]

It wasn't? I was so far from the bandstand I couldn't even see the circles under your eyes. It's a fine table.

[Kenny Baker]

Oh, you're exaggerating, Jack. There were a lot of people sitting behind you.

[Jack Benny]

Listen, Phil, the only people sitting behind me were from Pasadena and they were home at the time. What, a New Year's Eve?

[Don Wilson]

Well, Jack, maybe Phil couldn't help it. New Year's Eve is a big night and after all, first come, first serve.

[Jack Benny]

That's what burns me up. Don, I was the first one in the plate. I got there so early, the manager asked me to help blow up the balloons. How do you like that?

[Kenny Baker]

Well, you got paid for it, didn't you?

[Jack Benny]

That's not the Point. Now, let me tell you another thing, Phil. I don't mind my table being far away, but the next time you seat me behind a post, please see that there's a knothole in it.

[Kenny Baker]

Behind a post? What are you talking about?

[Jack Benny]

Oh, never mind.

[Mary Livingston]

Hello, Jack. Happy New Year.

[Jack Benny]

Happy New Year. I was just telling Phil about the fine table he gave us last night. Imagine seating us behind a pose. That burns me up.

[Mary Livingston]

You're crazy, Jack. We weren't behind a pose.

[Jack Benny]

We weren't?

[Mary Livingston]

No. That was a piece of confetti on your glasses.

[Jack Benny]

Why didn't you tell me? I nearly broke my neck trying to peek around her. Anyway, post or no post, we were certainly sitting far enough away from everything.

[Mary Livingston]

Well, I'm glad we were. I was so ashamed sitting next to you with that old fashioned tuxedo you had on. Why don't you buy a new one?

[Jack Benny]

Oh, how often do I wear a tuxedo? Besides, it isn't so old.

[Mary Livingston]

It isn't?

[Jack Benny]

No, go on.

[Mary Livingston]

I put my hand in your pocket and pulled out a program from Ford's Theater.

[Jack Benny]

Listen, Mary, that suit might be a little out of style, but they're still wearing single bre. Single? Now listen, Mary, that suit might be a little out of style, but they're still wearing single breasted tuxedos.

[Mary Livingston]

Not with a belt in the back.

[Jack Benny]

Well, they're coming back, so don't be so smart.

[Kenny Baker]

Mary's right, Jack.

[Jack Benny]

Oh, she is?

[Kenny Baker]

Your pants were so tight, you had to wear your garters on the outside.

[Jack Benny]

Listen, maestro, one more crack out of you and you'll be leading the organ on the Lum and Abner program. And another thing, Phil. The next time I dance by your orchestra, watch your baton. Remember that, okay, buddy?

[Phil Harris]

Hmm.

[Jack Benny]

Buddy. Yet. Incidentally, fellas, this being the New Year, I was gonna give you all a raise in salary. But the way you've been acting today, I'm not gonna do it.

[Kenny Baker]

I'd be satisfied just to get my regular salary on time.

[Jack Benny]

Now, wait a minute, Phil. Don't give me that. I put your check in the mail every Monday morning.

[Kenny Baker]

Well, from now on, don't pin it on a post. I want people to know what I'm making.

[Jack Benny]

All right, Phil, cut out the beefing. Let's see if we can't inaugurate the new year with a little harmony.

[Mary Livingston]

Oh, Jack, you want to hear something awful?

[Jack Benny]

What, Mary?

[Mary Livingston]

Here it is. New Year's and I forgot to write a poem about it.

[Jack Benny]

Oh, that's a shame.

[Mary Livingston]

I'll sit right down and Dash one off.

[Jack Benny]

Okay, hurry it up.

[Don Wilson]

I'll fill in a little time for you, Mary. Ladies and gentlemen, while Ms. Livingston is struggling with her latest brainchild, let me remind you that one of the best ways to start out the new year is to have Jell O for dessert.

[Mary Livingston]

Darn this pan.

[Don Wilson]

It is tempting, delicious, easy to make and comes in six delicious flavors.

[Mary Livingston]

Oh, Jack, how do you spell knowledge? With an N or a K?

[Jack Benny]

With a K. Strawberry, raspberry, cherry.

[Mary Livingston]

With a capital K. Orange.

[Jack Benny]

Yes, a capital K. Lemon and lime, for heaven's sake. I'm sorry, Don. And now, folks, going from the.

[Mary Livingston]

All right, Jack. I'm all set.

[Jack Benny]

Why, Mary, is your poem finished already?

[Mary Livingston]

Yeah.

[Jack Benny]

Gee, you work faster than George Bernard Shaw.

[Mary Livingston]

Well, his beard gets in his way.

[Jack Benny]

Oh, that's right. What's the title of your poem?

[Mary Livingston]

Goodbye, 1938, hello, 1939.

[Jack Benny]

Well, that covers everything. Go ahead.

[Mary Livingston]

Oh, Happy New Year. Happy New Year. Please don't be a sad and blue year these last 12 months have been sublime so goodbye, 38 hello, 39 well.

[Jack Benny]

So far nobody is screaming.

[Mary Livingston]

You just wait. I wonder who this coming yar will be. Our favorite movie star? Will it be Garbo or Sonya heine? So, goodbye, 38 hello, 30, 90, 90 what has this year in store for us? For thee and thou and thy and thus hmm. Will Don get fatter? Will Phil be gay? Will Kenny get knowledge with a capital K?

[Jack Benny]

I doubt it.

[Mary Livingston]

I'd like to ask you if I dare Will Jack continue to lose his hair, Mary? And when it's gone Will it stay away? Goodbye, 38 hello, Toupee.

[Jack Benny]

Mary, get to the last verse, will you?

[Mary Livingston]

It's coming up now.

[Jack Benny]

That's good.

[Mary Livingston]

Oh, Happy New Year. Happy New Year. Please don't be a saddened blue year we will give you one more chance. So goodbye Broadway hello, France well.

[Jack Benny]

Mary, you finally did it. Hey, Phil, do you think you can follow Mary's poem with a number?

[Kenny Baker]

I'll try.

[Jack Benny]

Okay. Hit it, boys. Wait a minute. Come in, Mr. Benny. Yes.

[Kenny Baker]

Oh, Happy New Year. Happy New Year to the greatest man I know and I bring you fondest greetings.

[Jack Benny]

There's a wagon.

[Kenny Baker]

I must go.

[Jack Benny]

Well, I'm glad they let him out for our program play. That was say It With a Kiss, played by Phil Harris and his original orchestra. And now, ladies and gentlemen, original.

[Kenny Baker]

Wait a minute, Jack. This isn't the band I started out with.

[Jack Benny]

I don't mean that, Phil. I mean, when they look at their music, they still play something original. And speaking of the band, Phil, you'd think that they could start out the New Year by dressing a little better. Where'd they get those awful looking neckties?

[Kenny Baker]

Aren't they atrocious?

[Jack Benny]

They certainly are. Where'd they get them?

[Kenny Baker]

I gave them to them for Christmas.

[Jack Benny]

Oh, and saying that reminds me, Phil, that was some Christmas present you sent me. You must have been under the weather when you bought it.

[Kenny Baker]

Oh, no, I wasn't. I was sober as a judge when I bought your gift.

[Jack Benny]

You were not.

[Kenny Baker]

I was too.

[Jack Benny]

Then let me ask you something. What use have I got for a porthole? Not a fine present, Mary. A porthole.

[Mary Livingston]

Well, if your head gets any bigger, you can use it for a monocle.

[Jack Benny]

All right. Don't make it any worse than it is. Oh, hello, Kenny. Hiya, Jack.

[Spanish Announcer]

Happy New Year.

[Jack Benny]

Well, Kenny, I see you're still celebrating. You must have had a good time last night.

[Spanish Announcer]

I'll say. I didn't get to bed until 10:00. Gosh, I'm a wreck.

[Jack Benny]

Kenny, how can you be a wreck if you went to bed at 10 o'clock?

[Spanish Announcer]

I slept in a folding bed and I forgot to pull it down.

[Jack Benny]

Well, it's none of my business, Kenny, but would you mind telling me how you got into a folding bed without pulling it down first?

[Spanish Announcer]

I'm not gonna tell till I get it patented.

[Jack Benny]

Oh, that's right. Guard your secrets carefully. And stop blowing that horn.

[Spanish Announcer]

Well, I'm practicing for the Rose bowl game at Pasadena tomorrow. Say, are you going, Jack?

[Jack Benny]

I certainly am. I wouldn't miss it for anything. Hey, Mary, I got a couple of good seats. You want to go with me?

[Mary Livingston]

No, I went with you last year and you were the only one in the stand wearing a raccoon coat and a beanie. Well, and the way you were waving that pennant around, I was so embarrassed.

[Jack Benny]

Well, what's wrong with waving a pennant?

[Mary Livingston]

Yours said Waukegan High School on it.

[Jack Benny]

All right, you don't have to go with me. I'll take somebody else. You want to go with me, Kenny?

[Spanish Announcer]

Sure, but I'll have to bring my girl along.

[Jack Benny]

I don't see how, Kenny. I've only got two seats.

[Spanish Announcer]

Well, I'll invite her anyway. Maybe we can lose her in the crowd.

[Jack Benny]

Yes, that ought to solve our problem. Incidentally, I mislaid my tickets somewhere in the house. I hope Rochester finds them.

[Kenny Baker]

Hey, Jack, who do you pick to win the game, Duke or usc?

[Jack Benny]

Well, Phil, I'm a USC man myself and I think it's a cinch for them to win.

[Kenny Baker]

Oh, you do, eh? Well, how Much do you want to bet?

[Jack Benny]

I didn't say anything about betting, Phil. I just told you who was going to win.

[Kenny Baker]

Well, if you're so sure about it, why don't you want to bet?

[Jack Benny]

Because gambling is naughty and you know it.

[Kenny Baker]

You mean because you're a scaredy cat?

[Jack Benny]

Scaredy cat? Listen, Harris, what are the odds on the game?

[Kenny Baker]

Two to one on USC.

[Jack Benny]

All right, wise guy. I'll bet you 20 cents to a dime and put up or shut up. Well, what are you stalling for, Harris?

[Mary Livingston]

He's afraid if he wins, you'll fire him.

[Kenny Baker]

That's it?

[Jack Benny]

I thought you'd welch on it.

[Kenny Baker]

20 cents to a dime? Make that $100 to 50. And you gotta bet.

[Jack Benny]

Don't try to show off, Phil. You had your chance. Now let's drop it.

[Spanish Announcer]

You know, I don't think Jack wanted a bet at all.

[Jack Benny]

Think, Kenny. Your job on this program is to sing.

[Spanish Announcer]

Well, I can have a hobby, can't I?

[Jack Benny]

You better stick to stamps, Kenny, and go ahead with your song so we can get to do our play tonight.

[Spanish Announcer]

Okay.

[Jack Benny]

Hold it a minute. That must be Rochester. I asked him to call me. Hello?

[Rochester]

Hello, Mr. Benny? This is Rochester.

[Jack Benny]

Yeah, I was waiting for your call. Did you find my two tickets for the Rose bowl game?

[Rochester]

No, I looked high and low. I can't find them anywhere.

[Jack Benny]

Oh, God, that's a shame. Well, keep on looking. They might be in the house. They must be in the house someplace. Okay, so long.

[Rochester]

So long. Say, boss, can I have tomorrow off? I gotta go to a wedding in Pasade.

[Phil Harris]

A wedding?

[Jack Benny]

In Pasadena? Tell me, Rochester, who's getting married?

[Rochester]

What was that, boss?

[Jack Benny]

I said, who's getting married in Pasadena tomorrow?

[Rochester]

Oh, aunt of mine.

[Jack Benny]

An aunt of yours, eh? Who's she marrying?

[Rochester]

Some fellow that's going to be my uncle.

[Jack Benny]

Uh huh. I see.

[Phil Harris]

Now at what.

[Jack Benny]

What time does this wedding take place?

[Rochester]

They kick off by 1:30.

[Jack Benny]

What's that? What did you say?

[Rochester]

Oh, nothing. Keep quiet. Operator.

[Jack Benny]

Rochester, There was no operator on the line. Now you found those Rose bowl tickets, didn't you?

[Rochester]

Well, I.

[Jack Benny]

You found those tickets, didn't you?

[Rochester]

Am I under oath?

[Jack Benny]

Answer me. Did you or did you not find those tickets?

[Rochester]

Sing, Kenny.

[Jack Benny]

Listen, Rochester, when I get home tonight, I want to find those two tickets on the dresser in my bedroom.

[Rochester]

Okay, boss. Happy New Year.

[Jack Benny]

Go ahead and sing, Kenny. That Rochester. The only way I can keep things in my house is to nail.

[I]

I promise you with hearts sincere that I will always love you, dear that when you need me I'll be Near I promise you My love for you Is as great as a love can.

[Jack Benny]

Be.

[I]

Yet words couldn't quite express the way that I feel and as we stand at the doorway of days to.

[Jack Benny]

Be.

[I]

I faithfully take and all that concerns us both I promise you with hearts sincere that I will always love you, dear that when you need me I'll be near I promise you.

[Phil Harris]

I.

[I]

Promise you I'll build a shrine where we can keep our love divine until the very end of time I promise you with every dawn that I awaken I know my chances will increase to keep the vow I've taken To see that your joys never cease I promise you your heart will sing in what will seem eternal spring I'll try to bring you everything I promise you.

[Jack Benny]

That was I Promise you sung by Kenny Baker. And Kenny. That was very good for a fellow who stayed up until 10:00 and your voice hardly showed it.

[Spanish Announcer]

Oh, I'll put myself together in a couple days.

[Jack Benny]

I hope so. And, Kenny, if you got to bed at 10:00 last night, how'd you get those awful circles under your eyes?

[Spanish Announcer]

I painted them on. Ain't I nuts?

[Jack Benny]

You sure are. And now, ladies and gentlemen, for our feature attraction this evening, I was gonna.

[Spanish Announcer]

Paint wrinkles on my forehead, but my mother wouldn't let me.

[Jack Benny]

Well, she was right. And now, ladies and gentlemen, if I.

[Mary Livingston]

Was Kenny's mother, I'd trade him in for an Airedale.

[Jack Benny]

Now, Mary, Kenny's mother wouldn't do that. And now, folks, we've got an Heedale. All right, all right. If you two will quiet down, I'd like to get on with our play. And now, folks.

[Kenny Baker]

You know something, Kenny? I never met your mother.

[I]

Oh, you didn't?

[Jack Benny]

Phil, for heaven's sake, who cares? Now, let's get on with a play. Everybody's butting in here. But don't.

[Don Wilson]

Well, I met Mrs. Baker.

[Jack Benny]

Oh, well, I'm very happy to know it. And now, folks, going from Mrs. Baker to our feature attraction of the evening, this being the first day of the new year, tonight we are going to present an original play, a sort of a New Year's fantasy, entitled the New tenant or goodbye 38. Hello 39. Now, I.

[Mary Livingston]

You stole that from my poem.

[Jack Benny]

Mary, that was just a coincidence, believe me. Now, in this fantasy, I will play the part of 1938.

[Phil Harris]

And, Mary.

[Spanish Announcer]

You know, Jack, I read this play four times and I still can't understand it.

[Jack Benny]

Well, in the first place, Kenny, our play is a little too deep. And in the second place, you're a little dope. Now, I will be 1938 and Mary will be Mrs. 1938, my loving, loyal wife. And we have 12 children. What are you laughing at?

[Mary Livingston]

I don't know. It's censored.

[Jack Benny]

Then keep still. Now, our play opens in the home of Mr. And Mrs. 1938, who live in a big round house called the Earth. It is almost midnight on December 31, and their lease is about to expire. Curtain Music.

[Phil Harris]

Oh, Mariah. Mariah.

[Mary Livingston]

What do you want, Pa?

[Phil Harris]

Better hurry up with that packing. The landlord said we gotta get out by midnight to make room for the new tenant.

[Mary Livingston]

The new tenant? Who is he?

[Phil Harris]

Oh, some little nudist by the name of 39. He don't know what he's getting into, does he, Ma?

[Mary Livingston]

Nope. This house sure has been a mess, ain't it?

[Phil Harris]

You said it. Remember a couple of months ago when the bathtub ran over and got New England soaking wet?

[Mary Livingston]

I sure do. And say, Pa, what about the time last spring when the roof leaked and we had to hang Los Angeles out to dry?

[Phil Harris]

Wasn't that awful?

[Mary Livingston]

Yep. Hey, Pa, turn on the moon. I can't see what I'm packing here.

[Phil Harris]

Okay. Hey, moon. What do you want, you old fossil? I want some light down here. And quit winking at my wife. Okay. Say, you want some milk too? Milk?

[Jack Benny]

Yeah, a cow just jumped over me.

[Phil Harris]

Well, I'll be derned.

[Mary Livingston]

Quit gabbing, Pa. We ain't got much time.

[Phil Harris]

That's right. Darn those shooting stars. They're having a feud again.

[Mary Livingston]

Doggone it, Pa. Even with all our troubles, I kind of hate to leave here.

[Phil Harris]

So do I. After all, we did have a lot of fun.

[Mary Livingston]

Remember the time that scallywag Howard Hughes flew around our house in five and a half days?

[Phil Harris]

Do I?

[Jack Benny]

He sure had me dizzy.

[Phil Harris]

And then that fella Corrigan, he started to fly from the kitchen to the parlor and the dern fool ended up on the back porch.

[Mary Livingston]

Say, Pa, did you pack up all the swing music?

[Phil Harris]

I'm doing it now. Flat foot floogie with the floy floy.

[Jack Benny]

Might as well take that with us.

[Phil Harris]

Say more. It's five minutes to 12. We better start rounding up the kids.

[Jack Benny]

Where are they?

[Mary Livingston]

Well, January, February, March are outside playing on a cloud.

[Phil Harris]

Oh, Where's April?

[Mary Livingston]

He's taking a shower.

[Phil Harris]

Oh, he's always doing that.

[Mary Livingston]

The rest of them? Around here someplace.

[Phil Harris]

Well, tell him to stick close. We're gonna leave in just a few minutes.

[Mary Livingston]

I wonder who that can be.

[Phil Harris]

I'll go over and see a Tskith a tasketh. Boy, am I sick of that. Well, well, look who's here.

[Mary Livingston]

Who is it, Pa?

[Phil Harris]

It's old man Mars from across the Milky Way. Hi, Yamar.

[Rochester]

Hiya, neighbor. Heard you were leaving tonight, so thought I'd drop over and say goodbye.

[Phil Harris]

Well, that was mighty sweet of you.

[Rochester]

Say, I sure handed you a scare a couple of months ago, didn't I?

[Jack Benny]

You?

[Phil Harris]

Certainly. Hey, what was the big idea, anyway?

[Rochester]

Well, I really didn't mean it. I was lighting a cigarette and I reached down in the Hudson river to put the match out.

[Jack Benny]

And what happened?

[Rochester]

Well, my hand slipped and I gave New Jersey a hot foot.

[Phil Harris]

You sure did. Say, Mars, you'll have to excuse me now. It's almost midnight and I gotta be getting out of here. So long.

[Rochester]

So long. Oh, say, I got my rocket ship outside. Can I give you a lift anywhere?

[Phil Harris]

No, thanks. We'll be all right. Say, those rocket ships smoke a lot, don't they?

[Rochester]

Yeah, the exhaust pipes are bad. I just flew by heaven and now angels really got dirty faces.

[Phil Harris]

Well, if you pass by the other place, give my regards to Fred Allen. So long, Mars.

[Rochester]

So long.

[Phil Harris]

Well, Ma, it's almost midnight, so put on that silly hat of yours and let's get going.

[Mary Livingston]

Okay, Pa.

[Phil Harris]

There's the first stroke of 12. I wonder what's keeping the new tenant.

[Mary Livingston]

Don't worry, he'll be here.

[Phil Harris]

Doggone, Ma, I forgot. I found out where we're moving to.

[Mary Livingston]

Thought you bought a place over on Jupiter.

[Phil Harris]

No, but I took a look at Venus. Times are fleeting. We can't leave until that little brat gets here.

[Mary Livingston]

That must be him now.

[Phil Harris]

Yep. Come in. Well, hello, young fella. Are you the Little New Year?

[Mary Livingston]

I ain't Bobby Breen.

[Phil Harris]

Well, well, my boy. Come right in. Well, this is it, young man. Tell me, what do you think of your new home?

[Mary Livingston]

Boy, what a dump. This house could stand a lot of fixing up.

[Phil Harris]

I know it, son.

[Jack Benny]

A lot of things wrong here, my boy.

[Phil Harris]

Yes, siree. That Spanish shawl on the piano there is all ripped and torn.

[Jack Benny]

Need a lot of mending.

[Phil Harris]

And another thing, that china is just about all smashed to pieces. While I think of it, son, if.

[Jack Benny]

You see some little lost sheep roaming about, try and find a place for.

[Phil Harris]

Them around a house somewhere.

[Mary Livingston]

I'll do what I can. For heaven's sake, let's get going.

[Phil Harris]

Just a second, Moa. Now, there's just one more thing, young fella.

[Mary Livingston]

What's that?

[Phil Harris]

May not sound like much, but it's a mighty big issue. Your greatest worry, my boy is going to be to pick out a Scarlet O'Hara that had me groggy all year.

[Mary Livingston]

Come on, Pa, you're talking too much.

[Phil Harris]

I am comin, Moore. Say, young fella, if you want any jello, you'll find plenty in the pantry.

[Mary Livingston]

Thanks, old timer.

[Kenny Baker]

You're welcome.

[Phil Harris]

Happy New Year, young fella.

[Mary Livingston]

Happy New Year.

[I]

Come on, Ma, let's go.

[Don Wilson]

Here's a swell new dessert for the holiday season. It's one the whole family will enjoy and it's easy to prepare. It's Jello butterscotch pudding. And until you've tried it, you don't know just how delicious a pudding dessert can be. Creamy, smooth, rich and tasty. With that real old fashioned butterscotch flavor that will bring the family back for more. Then try the new Jello vanilla pudding. Tempting, delicate and full flavored. And the Jello chocolate pudding. Smooth and chocolatey. The kind that mother used to make. But far quicker and easier for all three. Jello puddings take next to no time to prepare. There's only a few minutes cooking required. You'll find the simple directions on every package. And these new puddings will be a real surprise to you. For they're just as good as your own. Made with the same fine wholesome ingredients with a taste and texture you'll say is perfect. The best way to buy is to get three packages at a time. So ask your grocer for Jell O Butterscotch, vanilla and chocolate pudding. The real homemade kind.

[Jack Benny]

This is the last number of the 14th program in the new Jell O series. And we will be with you again next Sunday night at the same time. Are you listening, Tommy? And now, ladies and gentlemen, I would like to announce that in response to many, many requests and owing to a renewed and timely interest, we are going again going to present our version of Walt Disney's famous picture Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs next Sunday night. So if you missed it the first time, folks, be sure and tune in. And if you heard it, tune in anyway, as we're going to have a brand new Prince Charming. Guess who, folks?

[Phil Harris]

Oh, Andy, you gave it away.

[Jack Benny]

Good night, folks. Program.