
Jack Benny 1939-10-29 The Halloween Masquerade Party
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Jack Benny
JP Cal Help.
Don Wilson
Oh, the Jello Program. Starring Jack Benny with Mary Livingston, Phil Harris, Dennis Day, and yours truly, Don Wilson. The orchestra opens the program with all in favor say aye. They say that a man is known by the company he keeps. Well, I'd say that many a woman is known by the meals she serves to her company. Now, you can always be sure of yourself when you're planning Jell O for dessert. You know from the very start that it's bound to be a success. No matter how you serve it. Jell O is a triumph. A shimmering mold of strawberry Jell O garnished with nuts and whipped cream. Sherbet glasses of twinkling Jell O cubes. Rich red cherry or sea green lime. A beautiful mold of layered Jell O golden lemon with rose colored raspberry Foamy whipped jello as light as a cloud. Oh, there are dozens and dozens of ideas, all grand looking and all grand tasting, for Jell O brings you that wonderful extra rich flavor that can't be topped for delicious goodness. Just be sure to look for those big red letters on the box that spell Jell O. For that name is a trademark, the property of General Foods. And it tells you, here is the real thing, the one and only Jello that was all in favor say I played by the orchestra. Now, ladies and gentlemen, tonight, Jack Benny officially opens his social season with a Halloween masquerade party at his house for the whole gang. So without further ado, we whisk you to Jack's home in Beverly Hills. Take it away.
Rochester
Ay, ay. Ina rancho grande.
Jack Benny
Aye aye.
Rochester
No dondavia.
Jack Benny
Rochester, hand me those slippers.
Rochester
Okay, boss. The una rancho Medigia.
Jack Benny
Rochester, will you please stop that yodeling and help me with my costume? I want to be all dressed up when the others get here.
Rochester
You sure look funny in that outfit, boss. Who are you supposed to be?
Jack Benny
What's that?
Rochester
What famous character are you struggling to convey?
Jack Benny
Look, Rochester, I'm wearing a red jacket with a lace collar, a plush hat with a plume in it and silk tights. Now, who am I?
Rochester
I don't know.
Jack Benny
I'm Romeo.
Rochester
Romeo, the great lover.
Jack Benny
Yes.
Rochester
Say, boss, ain't you present a little.
Jack Benny
Rochester, stop worrying about me and my costume. This is just what they wore in those days. My goodness, haven't you ever seen a Shakespearean play?
Rochester
I never saw the Mikado till they swung it.
Jack Benny
And don't be a critic. Now get busy and put those Jack o' lanterns in the window.
Andy Devine
Okay, boss.
Jack Benny
And, Rochester, I thought I told you to spread those corn stalks all around the living room. We gotta have some atmosphere.
Rochester
Can't we have atmosphere that's easier to clean up?
Jack Benny
Rochester, I wouldn't complain. I'll get busy before the guests arrive. Answer the door. Gee, I wonder if I got these tights on backwards. Oh, well, they're the same either way. I guess they're all right.
Mary Livingston
Hello, Rochester.
Rochester
Oh, hello, Ms. Livingston.
Jack Benny
Oh, hello, Mary. Hey, Mary, this is a masquerade. And you're wearing a fur coat. What are you supposed to be, a.
Mary Livingston
Sand dancer at the North Pole?
Jack Benny
Well, it is pretty cold there.
Mary Livingston
Aw, Jack, I was only kidding. I got my costume on underneath.
Andy Devine
Look.
Jack Benny
Well, I'll be darned. A campfire girl. Gee, that's cute, Mary.
Mary Livingston
Thanks. What are you supposed to be, Jack, in those silk tights?
Jack Benny
What am I supposed to be? I'm Romeo.
Mary Livingston
Romeo?
Jack Benny
Yes.
Mary Livingston
You mean the Romeo and Romeo and Juliet, of course. Why, you look like you fell off the balcony.
Jack Benny
Oh, I do?
Mary Livingston
No kidding, Jack. Of all the things to wear. Gee, dad, looks silly.
Jack Benny
Mary, it's not silly. I got this Romeo costume because he was the greatest lover of all time.
Mary Livingston
Did you get a book of instructions with it?
Jack Benny
Never mind. Now, Mary, we're having a swell party tonight, so try and be nice.
Mary Livingston
Who's coming, Jack?
Jack Benny
Well, there's Don Wilson and Dennis Day and Phil Harris. Yeah, and then I invited Barbara Stanwyck and Robert Taylor, Carol Lombard and Clark Gable. Tyrone Power and Annabella and Ginger Rogers.
Mary Livingston
Gee, what names. Are they all coming?
Jack Benny
No, they had a headache. Isn't that too bad?
Mary Livingston
Yeah. Every time you give a party, there's an epidemic.
Jack Benny
Oh, well, we'll have lots of fun with our own little gang. I hate celebrities. Hey, Rochester, stay away from that punch bowl.
Rochester
I just wanted to see if it was strong enough.
Jack Benny
Strong enough?
Andy Devine
Yeah.
Rochester
The last party you gave, nobody passed out.
Jack Benny
Rochester, I don't give those kind of parties. That's just plain fruit juice.
Rochester
Poor Mr. Harris.
Jack Benny
Don't feel so sorry for him. The shock will do him good.
Mary Livingston
Say, Jack, can I help you get the food ready?
Jack Benny
Thanks, Mary, but Mrs. Day has volunteered to help Me? She's out in the kitchen now, Mrs. Day.
Mary Livingston
You mean Dennis, Mother is helping you?
Jack Benny
Yes.
Mary Livingston
And she's gonna prepare the food.
Jack Benny
Certainly.
Mary Livingston
And you're gonna eat it?
Jack Benny
Of course. We're friends now. Gee whiz, Mary, don't be so suspicious. Gee, I told Mrs. Day she could prepare the whole meal.
Rochester
I'm dining out.
Jack Benny
Rock it. You'll stay right here and take a chance, like I do. Gosh, Mary, to hear you talk, you'd think Mrs. Day was gonna. You think she was gonna poison. Oh, perish the thought. Anyway, Mary, when you get to know Mrs. Day, she's a very sweet woman.
Rochester
Hey, boss.
Jack Benny
Yes?
Rochester
Where do you want me to hang this mistletoe?
Jack Benny
Mistletoe? Don't put that up now. That's for Christmas.
Mary Livingston
Let him alone, Jack. It'll help your Romeo costume.
Jack Benny
Mary, I can do all right by myself. Now, let's see.
Mrs. Day (Lucretia)
Mr. Benny, I was wondering. Oh, good evening, Miss Livingston.
Mary Livingston
Hello, Mrs. Day.
Jack Benny
Oh, is there anything I can do for you, Mr. Day?
Mrs. Day (Lucretia)
I can't seem to find the sugar. Where do you keep it?
Jack Benny
The sugar? Have you looked in the sugar bowl?
Mrs. Day (Lucretia)
Yes, and all I found was $85.
Jack Benny
Oh, yes, that's my little nest egg number 12. Say, Rochester, where do we keep the sugar?
Rochester
$85 is sugar to me.
Jack Benny
Well, you just forget where it is, Mrs. Day. I think you'll find the sugar on the second shelf, right in back of the shoe polish. It's in a big can.
Mrs. Day (Lucretia)
Thank you, Mr. Benny.
Jack Benny
You're welcome. And by the way, Mrs. Day, from now on, let's not be so formal. Please call me by my first name, Jack.
Mrs. Day (Lucretia)
Very well, Jack. And I want you to call me Lucretia.
Jack Benny
Lucretia.
Mary Livingston
I hope I don't get your plate.
Jack Benny
Now, Mary, that's just a coincidence. Mrs. Day wouldn't. Oh, don't try and skip. Rochester. Rochester, what are you doing at that punch bowl?
Rochester
I was just going to pour in a little Central Avenue oomph.
Jack Benny
I told you I didn't want any alcohol in it. I wanted to be plain fruit juice.
Rochester
Shucks, people won't even bother. Apples in that.
Jack Benny
Never mind. See who's at the door, Rochester.
Andy Devine
Okay, boss.
Jack Benny
Well, they're coming. How does my costume look?
Mary Livingston
Mary, your tights are a little droopy. Pull them up.
Jack Benny
Oh, yeah.
Rochester
Hello, Mr. Day. Come on in.
Jack Benny
Hello, Rochester. Why, Dennis. Mary, look at him.
Mary Livingston
Well, I'll be darned.
Jack Benny
Dennis, this is a costume party.
Dennis Day
I know. I'm supposed to be a tramp.
Jack Benny
A tramp? What are you wearing? A Tuxedo for.
Dennis Day
Gee, this is Hollywood, ain't it?
Jack Benny
Oh, I see. You're a colossal tramp. Well, that's very novel.
Dennis Day
Oh, say, Ms. Livingston, you look in that Campfire Girl suit.
Mary Livingston
Thank you, Dennis.
Dennis Day
And you too, Mr. Benny. You make a swell ballet dancer.
Jack Benny
I'm not a ballet dancer. I'm Romeo. Romeo.
Mary Livingston
Why don't you have some cards printed, Jack?
Jack Benny
That won't be necessary. Now, Dennis.
Dennis Day
Yes, please.
Jack Benny
Dennis, don't think I invited you over to my house to work tonight. But we're going to have a little entertainment later on. It'd be nice if you'd sing a number.
Dennis Day
Oh, I'd be glad to, Mr. Benny. Oh, do you mind if I run through it first?
Jack Benny
No, go right ahead. There's a piano right there. Would you like me to accompany you on the violin? Would you, Dennis?
Dennis Day
Gee, I'm afraid to say no.
Mary Livingston
Oh, that gives you an idea, Jack. Now, leave the kid alone.
Jack Benny
Okay. Go ahead, Dennis. Try out your song, Mary. The gang will be here pretty soon. Help me count this silverware. You take. You take the spoons. Now, here's the.
Mrs. Day (Lucretia)
Oh, Mr. Benny, have you any iodine?
Jack Benny
Yes, Mrs. Day. There.
Dennis Day
What?
Mary Livingston
I knew it. I knew it.
Jack Benny
What was that, Mrs. Day?
Mrs. Day (Lucretia)
I said, have you any iodine?
Jack Benny
Iodine?
Mrs. Day (Lucretia)
Yes, I just cut my finger.
Jack Benny
Let me see that. Gee, that's swell. I mean, that's too bad. Oh, Mr. Day, you want some iodine? You'll find a bottle in the medicine chest.
Dennis Day
Thank you, Dennis.
Jack Benny
Go ahead with your song. Gee, for a minute, I. Well, Mary, get me a glass of water.
Singer (Janice)
I poured my heart into a song. And when you hear it, please remember from the star. You won't be hearing just the words and tune of a song. You will be listening to my heart. I poured my heart into a song and I'm afraid the words I chose are not so smart. I couldn't think of clever things to say in my song. I had to say it with my heart. If it's never played on the hit parade, it will still contain a heart that is eating true. If it's not a hit, I won't mind a bit. Long as it conveys the love that I bear for you. Here is my heart wrapped in a song. And if you take it, please don't tear my song apart. For if you do, you won't be just destroying a song. You will be tearing off my heart.
Jack Benny
Janice, that was. Well, it's really a lovely song.
Mary Livingston
Yeah. Why don't you sing it on our program sometime?
Jack Benny
That's not a Bad idea. Now, make yourself at home, Dennis. The others will be here pretty soon. Rochester, for the third time, will you please stay away from that punch bowl?
Rochester
Well, I'm worried about it.
Jack Benny
Well, it's no concern of yours. It's just plain fruit juice, and it's going to stay that way.
Rochester
You mean there's no hope for advancement?
Jack Benny
Exactly. Now get away from there. Well, here come some more of them. Mary, why don't you go out in the kitchen and help Mrs. Day?
Mary Livingston
You mean watch her, don't you?
Jack Benny
I mean help her. Don't try and scare me every minute.
Don Wilson
Hello, Rochester.
Andy Devine
Hello, everybody.
Rochester
Hello, Mr. Wilson.
Mary Livingston
Oh, for heaven's sake.
Jack Benny
My goodness, Don, what kind of a costume is that? What are you supposed to be, a dish of jell? Oh, yes, I see those sliced bananas around your neck. My, you're a heaping dish, aren't you?
Mary Livingston
What's that on your head? Don't.
Don Wilson
Whipped cream.
Jack Benny
Whipped cream. Well, that's a novelty. I bet you win a prize tonight for the best costume.
Dennis Day
Oh, Mr. Benny.
Jack Benny
Yes, Dennis?
Dennis Day
I was wondering if I could see Carmichael. You know, I've never seen a real polar bear.
Jack Benny
Why, of course, Dennis. Although he's a little grouchy tonight. You know, he's mad because I wouldn't let him come to the party.
Dennis Day
Well, some other time, maybe.
Jack Benny
No, Dennis, you can see him right now. Rochester, take Dennis upstairs and show him Carmichael.
Rochester
Carmichael.
Jack Benny
Yes.
Rochester
I'd better not disturb him, boss. He's reading Grapes of Wrath.
Jack Benny
I'm reading that. Take it away from him.
Rochester
Take it away from him. He's using my thumb for a bookmark now.
Jack Benny
Oh, don't exaggerate. Now, take Dennis upstairs. Never mind. Answer the door. That guy has to argue about everything.
Don Wilson
Say, Jack, I must tell you, you look swell in that Romeo costume.
Jack Benny
You see, Ms. Livingston. Well, thanks, Don. How'd you know I was Romeo?
Don Wilson
Mary pinned a sign on your back.
Jack Benny
Mary, let's see that sign. Oh, fine. Romeo kicked me. Mary, throw this away.
Rochester
Well, well, Mr. Harris. Come on in.
Jack Benny
Hi, everybody. Come on in, fellas.
Don Wilson
Well, Tyree, you know that, don't you?
Jack Benny
Hey, Phil, I'm glad you broug your band along. Say, Jackson, you sure got the house fixed up swell. Haven't I, though? Oh, boy, look at those corn stalks. Wouldn't you know it, folks? The first thing. Well, I suppose you fellas are all thirsty. There's a nice bowl of punch on the other side of the room. Walk over and have a drink.
Rochester
It ain't worth the trip.
Jack Benny
That's none of your business. Rochester. Say, Phil, that's not a bad looking costume you've got on. May I ask whom you represent in that cap and gown? I'm a college professor. A professor?
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Jack Benny
Phil, I don't like to say this, but you haven't got the mentality for your costume. Has he, Mary?
Mary Livingston
No. And you haven't got the body for yours.
Jack Benny
Mary, regardless of what you think, I do look like Romeo. No kidding. Her.
Don Wilson
You're supposed to be Romeo.
Jack Benny
That's me, Phil, the great lover.
Don Wilson
Oh, no, Jackson. No.
Andy Devine
No.
Jack Benny
Phil, it's not that unbelievable. So don't knock yourself out. Hey, Rochester, I thought I told you to take Dennis upstairs to see the polar bear.
Rochester
Maybe he's asleep.
Jack Benny
He's not asleep. Now. Show Dennis that trick you did with Carmichael yesterday.
Rochester
You mean the one where I put my head in his mouth?
Jack Benny
That's it. That's the one.
Rochester
That was no trick. He just caught me when I was bending over.
Jack Benny
Well, he was only playing. Now take Dennis upstairs.
Dennis Day
Can I go up and see the bear alone, Mr. Benny?
Jack Benny
Of course you can, Dennis. His room is right at the head of the stairs. Now run along.
Dennis Day
Thanks. Goodbye. Please.
Jack Benny
Isn't he polite?
Mary Livingston
Oh, Jack, you ought to have your head examined.
Jack Benny
Mary, I look all right?
Mary Livingston
I mean, sending that kid upstairs alone with a polar bear.
Jack Benny
Oh, well, Dennis is perfectly safe. Carmichael isn't vicious. He's just playful.
Rochester
Playful?
Jack Benny
Yes.
Rochester
Next time he plays with me, we're going to have Ben dumplings.
Jack Benny
Rochester, if you lay a hand on Carmichael, I'll send you back to that cabin in the cotton. Now remember that.
Don Wilson
How soon are we going to eat? Jack, I'm getting hungry.
Jack Benny
Are you now? Well, I got a surprise for you. Mrs. Day is out in the kitchen preparing the dinner.
Don Wilson
You mean Dennis, Mother.
Jack Benny
Yes, we're pals now.
Don Wilson
Say, that's wonderful, isn't it?
Mary Livingston
We shall see. The captain shouted.
Jack Benny
Mary, I want you to stop with that silly idea of yours. Mrs. Day is preparing. Hey, Rochester. Rochester, what did you put in that punch bowl?
Rochester
You mean just now?
Jack Benny
Yes. Yes, now. What did you put in that punch.
Rochester
I was just stirring it.
Jack Benny
Rochester, what did you put in that punch?
Rochester
It could have been an idle gesture, you know.
Jack Benny
Rochester, for the last time, what did you put in that punch?
Andy Devine
Yo, ho, ho and a bottle of rum Rum. One side, man.
Don Wilson
I'm the leader.
Jack Benny
Phil. Phil. Take it easy, fellas. There's punch enough for everybody. I'll see you Later, Rochester. Oh, Mrs. Day. I was just telling Don about the marvelous meal you're preparing. How's it coming along?
Mrs. Day (Lucretia)
Oh, fine. I just took the pumpkin pie out of the oven.
Jack Benny
Pumpkin pie?
Don Wilson
Oh, boy.
Mrs. Day (Lucretia)
And you know what, Mr. Benny?
Jack Benny
What?
Mrs. Day (Lucretia)
I had some crust left over, so I made a special little pie just for you.
Jack Benny
Well, I'm sure. I'm sure It'll be delicious, Mrs. Day. Fellas. Say, fellas, before we. Before we go in to eat, what do you say we have a little entertainment, you know. Everyone do something. Okay, what do we do?
Don Wilson
Well, how about Mary and Phil singing a number?
Jack Benny
That's. Well, how about it, Mary?
Mary Livingston
Oh, Jack, I don't want to sing.
Jack Benny
Me neither. All right, then, I'll tell you what. I'll play a good hot violin solo. How's that?
Mary Livingston
Let's sing, Phil. We haven't a minute to lose.
Jack Benny
I knew that would do the trick. Come on, Phil. You too, Mary. Go ahead and sing. Wait a minute.
Don Wilson
Hold everything.
Jack Benny
Come in. Well, who's this?
Mary Livingston
I don't know. Gee, he's got on a white cheek and he's wearing a mask.
Don Wilson
Yeah, he's disguised as a ghost.
Jack Benny
Yeah, I wonder who it is. Who are you, stranger?
Andy Devine
I ain't talking. You gotta guess.
Jack Benny
Gee, I wonder who that can be.
Mary Livingston
Maybe it's Clark Gable. You invited him.
Jack Benny
That's right. Are you Clark Gable, mister?
Andy Devine
No. But you're hot.
Jack Benny
Gee, this is a mystery, all right, huh? Come on, come on, be a sport. Take your mask off, stranger. Yes, the suspense is awful.
Andy Devine
Okay, fellas. Hiya, Buck.
Jack Benny
Well, I'll be dog gone. It's Andy Devine.
Andy Devine
Well, Andy, I sure had you fooled, didn't.
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Dennis Day
Certainly did.
Jack Benny
Well, make yourself at home, Andy. Come on, take off that sheet.
Andy Devine
I can't do it, Buck. There's nothing under here but me.
Jack Benny
Oh, well, then keep it on, by all means. Say, Andy, what do you think of my costume? How do you like these tights?
Andy Devine
It's swell. What are you supposed to be, a Floridora girl?
Jack Benny
No, I'm not a Floridora girl. I'm Romeo. Romeo? Yes.
Andy Devine
Well, I guessed closer than you did.
Jack Benny
I don't know about that. Well, Andy, go Over there and have a glass of punch. And Phil, you come back here. You got to sing. Come on, Jackson, sit down. Andy, Phil and Mary are going to do a song and then we'll all have something to eat.
Don Wilson
Oh, that's.
Jack Benny
Well, what's it going to be, Phil? Well, it's a brand new song called make with the Kisses. Okay. And Don and I will take the second chorus. Hit it, boys.
Singer (Janice)
Sake with the kisses, make with the sighs.
Don Wilson
Make with the baby talk.
Jack Benny
Give with the eyes.
Mary Livingston
Here I am making with the all.
Jack Benny
Be true and everyone's making love to someone. What goes with you?
Mary Livingston
Make with the kisses. Make with the thrill.
Jack Benny
Make with the snuggler that brings the chills.
Mary Livingston
The sky is making with the moon above.
Jack Benny
It couldn't be brighter, Homie. Tighter. Make with the love. Take it, John, take it.
Don Wilson
Make with the lemon, make with the lime.
Jack Benny
You make with jello most all the time.
Don Wilson
That's what I like to do and it's my job.
Jack Benny
It fills the billsy. Quiet, filzy, you're on the cup.
Don Wilson
Make with the cherry. Strawberry too.
Jack Benny
Well, how about raspberry? That goes for you.
Don Wilson
Let's get together now and give a cheer. Be a good fellow, make with jello.
Jack Benny
And we'll work next year. Well, that was very clever, Don.
Andy Devine
Hey, Buck, how about me singing a chorus?
Jack Benny
Oh, no, Andy, Nothing to it. We'll be eating pretty soon. Come on and get it, everybody.
Rochester
Food's on the buffet. No cover charge.
Jack Benny
Yeah, this way everybody, and help yourself.
Andy Devine
Oh, yeah.
Jack Benny
I can hardly wait.
Mary Livingston
Oh, Jack, look at that lovely buffet. Mrs. A certainly fixed a swell supper.
Don Wilson
Oh, boy, Jell O. Baked ham, spaghetti, pickles.
Jack Benny
Uh huh. Salad, cheese, candied yams. Yes, sir.
Mary Livingston
And a great big dish of caviar.
Andy Devine
Yikes.
Jack Benny
I thought I hid that. Oh, well, it's Halloween. Help yourselves, boys.
Don Wilson
Get plenty of it.
Jack Benny
Phil. Phil, unless that plate you're fixing is for your whole band, take it easy. My goodness, Mary, look what you did. You dropped. Look what you dropped on my new Chinese rug. Look what you did with your Dutch eye.
Mary Livingston
Well. Well, it's chop suey, so don't worry.
Jack Benny
Don't worry, she says. And I'll never get that out.
Rochester
Have some more baked ham, Mr. Devine. It's mighty good. Mighty delicious.
Jack Benny
Don't sell it, just serve it. And please, everybody stop grabbing.
Andy Devine
This is sure a swell party, Buck. I wish Ma and Pa could be here.
Jack Benny
Say, why don't you bring them along, Andy?
Andy Devine
Well, it's Halloween and they had to stay home and keep an eye open. Oh, you know, we live out in a country where things ain't so modern.
Jack Benny
Well, they're sure missing a good time.
Mrs. Day (Lucretia)
Well, folks, how do you like the food?
Jack Benny
Really, it's. Well, Mrs. Day, it's wonderful.
Mrs. Day (Lucretia)
Now, everybody, be sure and save room for some nice homemade pumpkin pie. And here's the little one I made especially for you, Mr. Benny.
Jack Benny
Gee, thanks.
Mrs. Day (Lucretia)
Here you are.
Mary Livingston
Well, take it.
Jack Benny
Don't rush. Well, it certainly looks delicious, doesn't it, Phil?
Dennis Day
Yeah.
Jack Benny
Mind if I taste it? No, no, of course not. Here, have a bite. Thanks.
Singer (Janice)
Mmm.
Dennis Day
Not bad.
Mary Livingston
Next week, Guy Lombardo and his Royal Canadian.
Jack Benny
Mary. You like it?
Mrs. Day (Lucretia)
Phil, let me have a bite of that, too. I want to see if I made it sweet enough.
Jack Benny
You mean you.
Dennis Day
You're.
Jack Benny
You're gonna eat a little piece of.
Dennis Day
This little pie, Mrs. Jennings?
Jack Benny
Of course.
Dennis Day
Why not?
Jack Benny
Oh, nothing. Darn you, Mary Livingston. Well, let's dig in. Pumpkin pie. Oh, boy. Gosh, this is swell.
Mary Livingston
I kinda had you goin there, didn't I, Jack?
Jack Benny
You did not. I knew you were kidding all the time.
Mary Livingston
The color's coming back into your face too.
Jack Benny
Well, that's good. Now, fellas, as soon as we get through eating, we're gonna play games. What'll it be?
Mary Livingston
I know.
Mrs. Day (Lucretia)
Let's play post office.
Jack Benny
Why, Mrs. Day. Lucretia. I'll tell you what. What's that?
Rochester
It's Carmichael.
Jack Benny
What's the matter with him? Mother.
Andy Devine
Mother. Help. Help. Oh, my goodness.
Jack Benny
It's Dennis.
Mary Livingston
And Carmichael's right behind him.
Mrs. Day (Lucretia)
Dennis, what are you doing with that bear?
Jack Benny
Grab him, Rochester.
Andy Devine
I got him, boss.
Jack Benny
Now he's got me. Well, hang on to him, Carmichael.
Andy Devine
Let go of Dennis, Don.
Jack Benny
Get away from that ham.
Andy Devine
Man.
Mary Livingston
The light boat.
Jack Benny
Quiet, Carmichael. Quiet, Carmichael. Quiet. Quiet, I say.
Andy Devine
Carmichael.
Jack Benny
Shut up. Thanks, Mrs. Day. That stopped him.
Mary Livingston
Stopped him. He fainted.
Jack Benny
That's good. Are you all right, Dennis?
Dennis Day
Oh, sure.
Jack Benny
That was fun. Fun.
Mrs. Day (Lucretia)
Dennis, don't you ever tease that animal again. Never mind. Don't argue. Well, come on, everybody. Let's play Post Office.
Jack Benny
Okay, Post.
Andy Devine
Sam.
Don Wilson
Well, here it is. That spooky time of year again, when witches on broomsticks are apt to go fluttering past your housetop. In other words, folks, it's Halloween time. And what better way to celebrate the occasion than to have orange Jell O for dessert? Orange Jello? With that clear, glowing, golden color that's highly appropriate for Halloween. Molded in fancy shapes and decorated with fluffy whipped cream. Small chocolate cookies on the side will add to the color scheme, and you'll have a swell dessert for Irene's Jello is a lovely sight to see with that gay sunshiny color. And it's swell to eat. Chuck. Full of delicious extra rich fruit flavor as refreshing and inviting as sunripened oranges. Every spoonful brings you back for more. But remember to enjoy this wonderful extra rich fruit flavor, you must be sure to ask for Jell O by name. Don't accept any substitutes for Jell O's fresh glowing beauty. Jell O's full bodied flavor. Look for those big red letters on the box when you buy. They spell Jell.
Jack Benny
This is the last number of the fourth program in the new Jello series and we will be with you again next Sunday night at the same time. You'll have to excuse me now, folks. We're still playing post office. Oh, Mary, did a message come from me yet?
Mary Livingston
Yes, a man's here for that Romeo costume.
Jack Benny
Oh, and just when I got rolling. Good night, folks. Jakey Cavill? O.
Don Wilson
Here's news. Every Tuesday night, the Aldrich family is on the air, starring Ezra Stone as Henry Aldrich, that lovable hard luck kid. Consult your local newspaper for time and stations and be sure to tune in the Aldrich family next Tuesday night. This is the National Broadcasting Company.
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Date: October 30, 2025
Episode Theme:
A festive, humor-filled recreation of The Jack Benny Program from October 29, 1939, centering on Jack Benny’s Halloween masquerade party. The episode captures the warmth and wit of the Golden Age of Radio, with classic character interplay, running gags, musical numbers, and a touch of slapstick chaos—all set in Benny's fictitious Beverly Hills home.
This episode transports listeners to a time when families gathered around the radio for entertainment, presenting one of Jack Benny’s most beloved episodes. The Halloween Masquerade Party is rife with witty banter between Benny and his friends/cast, playful needling about costumes, the ongoing punch bowl saga, musical interludes, and a comedic Halloween dinner party gone slightly awry—providing a snapshot of both 1930s pop culture and the signature comedic style of its era.
Notable Quote:
Rochester: “You sure look funny in that outfit, boss. Who are you supposed to be?” (02:54)
Jack Benny: “I’m Romeo.” (03:16)
Notable Quote:
Mary Livingston: “You look like you fell off the balcony.” (04:29)
Don Wilson: “Whipped cream. Well, that’s a novelty.” (13:15)
Notable Quotes:
Rochester: “Can’t we have atmosphere that’s easier to clean up?” (03:47)
Rochester: “People won’t even bother apples in that.” (07:54)
Notable Moment:
Dennis Day: “Gee, I’m afraid to say no.” (09:03)
Notable Quote:
Andy Devine: “I can’t do it, Buck. There’s nothing under here but me.” (20:23)
Notable Quote:
Rochester: “Have some more baked ham, Mr. Devine. It’s mighty good. Mighty delicious.” (24:04)
Jack Benny: “Don’t sell it, just serve it.” (24:07)
Notable Quotes:
Andy Devine: “Mother. Help. Help. Oh, my goodness.” (26:09)
Mary Livingston: “And Carmichael’s right behind him.” (26:12)
The episode’s tone is light, fast-paced, and full of classic vaudeville banter. Jack Benny’s "deadpan" and self-effacing humor act as the anchor amid quick-witted quips from Mary Livingston and the playful supporting cast. Musical numbers serve both as comedic setups and nostalgic entertainment.
Listeners are treated to an authentic Golden Age radio experience, rich in wordplay, gentle satire, and ensemble humor. The episode blends domestic comedy with slapstick, jazz-age pop culture references, and sponsor-driven wit—all buoyed by Jack Benny’s iconic, bemused persona and his cast’s effortless chemistry. Perfect for fans of classic radio comedy or anyone seeking old-school Halloween cheer.