Jack Benny Program 33-01-22 (076) Bertha the Sewing Machine Girl

Summary

Podcast Summary: Harold's Old Time Radio – "Jack Benny Program 33-01-22 (076) Bertha the Sewing Machine Girl"

Episode Overview

In the April 16, 2025 release of "Harold's Old Time Radio," host Harolds Old Time Radio presents a nostalgic journey back to the Golden Age of Radio with the "Jack Benny Program" episode titled "Bertha the Sewing Machine Girl." This episode captures the essence of pre-television family evenings, where audiences gathered around the radio to enjoy beloved shows featuring iconic talents like Jack Benny, Abbott & Costello, and Amos & Andy.

Opening Segments: Announcements and Jack Benny's Humor

The episode kicks off with a classic radio announcement promoting Canada Dry, setting the stage for the era’s characteristic blend of commercials and entertainment.

Announcer [00:33]: "Ladies and gentlemen, a half hour of sparkling entertainment by Canada Dry. A champagne of ginger ale. Canada Dry is now available in the large as well as the regular size."

Shortly after, Jack Benny, the self-proclaimed "Canada Dry humorist," takes the spotlight. Known for his impeccable timing and comedic flair, Benny delivers a series of humorous news snippets, poking fun at current events and societal quirks of the time.

Jack Benny [03:33]: "These news gems come to you through the courtesy of the morning gates. The news that's first to reach your eyes. All the late dispatchers by wire, telephone, cable and school."

Benny’s monologue includes playful jabs at international politics and local happenings, such as:

• [03:57] Jack Benny: "Hannibal, Missouri. And this is improving here, Mississippi. Now running on full time."

• [04:00] Jack Benny: "Washington, D.C. President Hoover spends two weeks vacation fishing. He catches a meal, but later finds out it's a shark suffering from the Depression."

These segments are marked by Benny’s signature dry humor and witty observations, providing listeners with both laughter and a satirical take on the news of the day.

Introduction to "Bertha the Sewing Machine Girl"

Transitioning from the comedic news, the announcer introduces the main feature of the episode: a revival of the classic play "Bertha the Sewing Machine Girl." Jack Benny enthusiastically discusses the play's history, its original acclaim, and the efforts to bring it back to life with a new cast.

Jack Benny [07:33]: "Some old papers while cleaning out the closet and found the manuscript of this masterpiece which is entitled, let's see... Mary just off the title. Oh, here it is. The name of the play is Bertha the Sewing Machine Girl."

He humorously highlights the play's enduring popularity and the challenges of recreating its magic:

Jack Benny [07:33]: "Now this famous old play with a tear, a laugh, a heartthrob, a few hisses and no doubt your money back. However, it was a great succession of saying, I might even say, as big as Rosie's Irish race."

Benny sets the stage for the performance by citing glowing reviews and drawing parallels to other successful productions, all while maintaining his comedic persona.

"Bertha the Sewing Machine Girl": Plot Summary

The heart of the episode features a dramatized performance of "Bertha the Sewing Machine Girl," a play originally premiering in the late 19th century. The story revolves around Bertha Higgins, a hardworking young woman whose life is dominated by her laborious job operating a sewing machine. The plot delves into themes of economic hardship, familial responsibility, and personal struggle.

Key Scenes and Notable Quotes:

1. Bertha’s Frustration with Her Work

   Mary (Bertha Higgins) expresses her exhaustion and irritation with her relentless toil.

   Mary [13:17]: "Oh, I'm getting sick and tired of this hard work. All I do is work and toil and slave. This sewing machine is driving me mad. Who is it?"

2. Foreclosure Threatened

   Jack Benny’s character, representing a foreclosing agent, confronts Mary about the impending loss of their home.

   Jack Benny [13:35]: "I'm sorry, Ms. Higgins, but I came to tell you that I must foreclose the mortgage."

   Mary [13:39]: "Oh, can't you wait a little longer? Maybe you're not going to drive us out into cold cold night. What a night."

3. Emotional Turmoil and Family Struggle

   Mary grapples with her fears of homelessness and the strain it places on her family.

   Mary [14:04]: "Oh, what shall I do? What shall I do? Poor old father. He will soon be homeless. It's 3 o'clock and Daddy isn't home yet. Oh, here comes Papa now. Hello, Daddy."

4. Confrontation and Resolution

   The tension escalates as Jack Benny’s character insists on the foreclosed deal, leading to a heartfelt resolution.

   Jack Benny [15:02]: "I suppose you know estate man was here today. He said he'd give us 10 minutes to pay up or dash."

Throughout the play, the interplay between humor and pathos is evident, reflecting the societal challenges of the era while providing moments of levity and emotional depth.

Conclusion

The episode of "Jack Benny Program" effectively captures the charm and humor that made old-time radio a staple of family entertainment. By blending Jack Benny’s comedic brilliance with a poignant revival of "Bertha the Sewing Machine Girl," the program offers listeners a rich tapestry of laughter, nostalgia, and theatrical storytelling. Whether revisiting classic performances or enjoying new interpretations, Harold's Old Time Radio delivers an engaging experience that honors the golden age of radio.

Notable Quotes Recap:

• Jack Benny [03:57]: "Hannibal, Missouri. And this is improving here, Mississippi. Now running on full time."

• Mary [13:17]: "Oh, I'm getting sick and tired of this hard work. All I do is work and toil and slave. This sewing machine is driving me mad. Who is it?"

• Jack Benny [07:33]: "Some old papers while cleaning out the closet and found the manuscript of this masterpiece..."

• Mary [14:04]: "Oh, what shall I do? What shall I do? Poor old father. He will soon be homeless. It's 3 o'clock and Daddy isn't home yet."

This episode stands as a testament to the enduring appeal of radio dramas and the timeless humor of Jack Benny, making it a must-listen for enthusiasts of classic radio entertainment.

Transcript

[Announcer]

Ladies and gentlemen, a half hour of sparkling entertainment by Canada Drive. A champagne of ginger ale. Canada Dry is now available in the large as well as the regular size.

[Jack Benny]

Bottles of a home and made to.

[Announcer]

Order by the grass at fountain. This program stars Jack Benny, the Canada Dry humorist, and Ted. Huh. Ted Reams opens the program with Roll up the Carpet.

[Ted Healy]

It's Savannah. You see a show up the carpet, push back the chair and be sure that all the lights are over. And there's a girlfriend, the one who cares. You like her show. When you're feeling tired of dancing Try to find a place to find don't do any co. Hey, roll out your trouble Roll out your caring don't forget to have a.

[Announcer]

And now, ladies and gentlemen, we bring you the man of the half hour, Jack Benny.

[Jack Benny]

Thanks all. Hello, Sandra. Seekers, this is Jack Brisbane, Benny the Earth Galloper coming to you again with some very late news reports. And are they late? I'll never order from that man again. Anyway, these news gems come to you through the courtesy of the morning gates. The news that's first to reach your eyes. All the late dispatchers by wire, telephone, cable and school.

[Announcer]

All right, Jack, start it.

[Jack Benny]

Don't butt in. This is for our cash customers. All right, let's go. Hannibal, Missouri. And this is improving here, Mississippi. Now running on full time. Washington, D.C. president Hoover spends two weeks vacation fishing. He catches a meal, but later finds out it's a shark suffering from the Depression. Wander around with that one, folks. This is jagged. Very jockey. London, England. In economy drive. Prince of Wales sells his horse and will take in the falls at Niagara this year. Get it? Moscow, Russia. Five year plan ends this month. Seven year itch will start immediately. Union Square, New York. Man found beating himself overhead with clubs. When asked why he was doing this, he said he was a Red and missed the last meeting. Winchell's column. New York storks theme hanging around Tedweel door. What storks? That was a wolf. Oh, pardon me. Then in Italy, three pedestrians, four street against red light and are drowned. Mott Street, Chinatown. War news. Two Japanese spies found hiding in the ditch of chop suey disguised as mushrooms. Time clever these gaps. Delhi, India. Big blaze charge and business section of Delhi burning down several Delhi catastrophe stores. That's local, very local. Bombay, Bombay. Indian. A hat and a gambie. Puts on a suit of clothes and is mistaken for ship. Crawford. Erie, Pennsylvania. Egypt.

[Announcer]

Just ARR.

[Jack Benny]

No other news. Glasgow, Scotland. 14 cents collected and did release drive last week. Drivers over and people flocking back to city Lunch wagon, Ohio circus midget commits suicide in restaurant by jumping off a three decker sandwich. January 22, 1901. Marconi and Vents Wireless. January 22, 1933. Marconi hears this program and Asia he started it. Saint Paul, Minnesota. Two skaters. They too thin ice and almost gone. Paul, Paul, Minnesota, Minnesota.

[Announcer]

You can get a cool drink of Canada dry ginger ale at Minnesota fountain. Oh, you fainted, Paul, you think.

[Jack Benny]

Well, we both had to reach for those Play dad, play. Now we offer this million dollars sing across the theme song Echo in the valley.

[Announcer]

You.

[Jack Benny]

Some old papers while cleaning out the closet and found the manuscript of this masterpiece which is entitled let's see Mary just off the title. Oh, here it is. The name of the play is Grover the Sewing Machine Girl. Now this famous old play with a tear, a laugh, a heart throb, a few hisses and no doubt your money back. However, it was a great succession of saying, I might even say, as big as Rosie's Irish race. Written by Anne Nichols. Nichols. Paul Nichols.

[Announcer]

And you get 5 cents back on each large Canada driveway.

[Jack Benny]

You could just say nickel. Said you. You couldn't do that. Now this play, Burger restoring Machine Girl was a great success in its day, having had such runs as one consecutive night in Perth Amboy, another night at Asbury park, and then direct to the storehouse where it ran over a year. The members of the original company have been dead for over 35 years. So we have our own all star casting which is as good as the cast in Grand Hotel. We think. Of course, what you think is entirely up to you. We have rehearsed faithfully for five minutes and will present it to you immediately without the customary break in out of town. Here are some of the original criticisms. When the play had its premiere in 1890, Walter Winkle's father, Bertha. Bertha the Sewing Machine Girl is as fine a play as I've ever looked over a Transomat ankle over and see it. Ed Sullivan, senior birthday to sewing Machine Girl will have you in pictures. That wasn't bad. I thought of that myself. George G. Nathan. I saw the play and as they say in church, he is so now. So now. Now, ladies and gentlemen, we are reviving the play tonight for your pleasure. Remember the type of Bertha the Sewing Machine Girl. And meanwhile, Ted Hu and his boys will play 12 street drag which is very appropr. Now, ladies and gentlemen, for our dramatic offering, Bertha the Sewing Machine Girl circling music pad. That's supposed to be a sewing machine, folks. Last week we used it for an automobile.

[Mary]

Oh, I'm Getting sick and tired of this hard work. All I do is work and toil and slave. This sewing machine is driving me mad. Who is it?

[Jack Benny]

It's the word Lord.

[Mary]

Come in.

[Jack Benny]

I'm sorry, Ms. Higgins, but I came to tell you that I must foreclose the mortgage.

[Mary]

Oh, can't you wait a little longer? Maybe you're not going to drive us out into cold cold night. What a night.

[Jack Benny]

Hey there. A little stronger on the wind, fellas.

[Mary]

What am I?

[Jack Benny]

I've waited long enough. I must have the money in 10 minutes or else I'll foreclose. Looks like we close at 4. Remember, 10 minutes. Goodbye.

[Mary]

Oh, what shall I do? What shall I do? Poor old father. He will soon be homeless. It's 3 o'clock and Daddy isn't home yet. Oh, here comes Papa now. Hello, Daddy.

[Jack Benny]

Wait till I come in.

[Mary]

Hello, Daddy.

[Jack Benny]

Hello, babe. Pardon me. I'm the father. What are you crying about, Ms. R?

[Mary]

Oh, I'm so tired of it all. I work hard all day, cooking and scrubbing and washing and so on and so on.

[Jack Benny]

Sir. Arms up, sir.

[Mary]

Unbuttoned.

[Jack Benny]

All right, Mary, cut out the gig. Who is there? Hey, Tracy. Stay out of this chat, boy.

[Mary]

All right.

[Jack Benny]

Well, daughter, what have we got for supper tonight?

[Mary]

Tonight? Welch.

[Jack Benny]

Welch. Daddy Welsh. Welsh. You finally met him in, eh?

[Mary]

I suppose you know estate man was here today. He said he'd give us 10 minutes to pay up or dash.