
Jack Benny Program 33-03-31 (082) She Done Him Right
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Nicole Byer
We interrupt this program to bring you an important Wayfair message. Wayfair's got style tips for every home. This is Nicole Byer helping you make those rooms Flyer today's style tip. When it comes to making a statement, treat bold patterns like neutrals. Go wild like an untamed animal. Print area rug under a rustic farmhouse table. From wayfair.com Ooh, fierce. This has been your Wayfair style tip to keep those interiors superior.
Mary Livingston
Wayfair Every Style Every Home.
Jack Benny
Program starring.
Frank Black
Jack Benny and Frank Black's orchestra. And now, Frank Black and his orchestra. Open the program with I Like Mountain. Wouldn't you like to receive absolutely free a brand new Chevrolet 6? Any model you want. All right, listen to this. Starting tomorrow, as a feature of National Driver Chevrolet Month, one of those big fine looking Chevrolet sixes will be given away every day absolutely free. 30 days, 30 cars, one car awarded every day. All you have to do is to visit any Chevrolet dealer, drive or ride in a Chevrolet car. Then write down on the entry blank which the dealer will furnish the reasons why you like the new Chevrolet 6. Remember, in order to enter the contest, you must visit a Chevrolet dealer, get a demonstration and obtain an entry blank from him. It doesn't matter how many or how few words you use or what kind.
Jack Benny
Of writer you are.
Frank Black
The best reasons for liking the new Chevrolet, the best in the opinions of the judges, win the free Chevrolet cars. This opportunity is open to any person in the United States over 18 years of age. And one entry makes you eligible for any of the cars given away from the day you enter throughout the balance of the month. So plan now to go to your Chevrolet dealer tomorrow and enter this contest. Your name may be announced over the radio next Friday night as one of the winners of a new Chevrolet 6 it. And now, Jack Benny.
Jack Benny
Hello, optimists. This is Jack Benny, the Earth Galloper coming to you again with all the late news events through the courtesy of the Morning Eye opener. The ice and fizz of the world. These late news dispatches come to you by telegraph, cable mail, female and liar. The news service that sees all, says all and sues all. And am I sorry I started this? The world's latest happenings. Let's go, Frank. London, England. American owned horse wins the Grand National Derby. When asked if he would remain in England, he said, nay, nay. More Derby news. Frank Black had better buy a new hat. That's for the orchestra, boys, you know. San Francisco. San Francisco, California. George Bernard Shaw arrives here to plead for wine, beer and whisker. During interview he says he will match his beard against Anheuser's voice. Atta boy, George. I like that one. That was good.
Frank Black
Yes.
Jack Benny
Ah, here. Bombay, India. Weather warmer here. Mahatma Gandhi changes from winter to spring clothes. Napkin missing from local restaurants. Funny how that boy keeps himself in the headlines. New York, New York. People here donate funds to present President Roosevelt with swimming pools. Ah, they want to keep him wet, eh? Special radio message from Mid Ocean Garbo tank. She come back now and is secretly headed for America. Nobody knows it but the Associated Press. He is traveling on a Swedish boat disguised as a pin. And Hattie Garbo assigned to meet Carr Gable. June 1, Hollywood, California. Gable starts training with strangler Lewis. Walla Walla, Washington. Walla Walla. Conditions improving here and town is now running on both names.
Mary Livingston
Jack, Jack, can I read one?
Jack Benny
Yeah, Mary, go ahead.
Mary Livingston
Shanghai, China. Jigsaw. Everybody is riding around in them.
Jack Benny
You mean rickshaws? Rickshaws?
Mary Livingston
What's that? Okay.
Jack Benny
Winnipeg, Canada. Spring season starts here with eight feet of snow. Rob and seen flying around wearing earmuffs. New York, New York. Groundhog comes out of Hole on Thursday of spring, listens to our program and goes back in again. Oh, well, you can't please everybody. King Kong, Africa missionaries arrive here and find cannibals wilder than ever. Howard, what are they wild about?
Frank Black
Wild about the new Chevrolet at $445 the only low price.
Jack Benny
You said it. NBC Studio New York. Frank Black and his orchestra will play two tickets to Georgia.
Frank Black
Okay.
Jack Benny
Fr.
Nicole Byer
We interrupt this program to bring you an important Wayfair message. Wayfair's got style tips for every home. This is Nicole Byer helping you make those rooms flyer. Today's style tip. When it comes to making a statement, treat bold patterns like neutrals go wild like an untamed animal. Print area rug under a rustic farmhouse table from wayfair.com Ooh. Fierce, this has been your Wayfarer style tip to keep those interiors superior.
Mary Livingston
Wayfair Every style, every home.
Stiles Mackenzie
We interrupt this program to bring you an important Wayfair message. Wayfair's got style tips for every home. This is Stiles Mackenzie helping you make those rooms sing. Today's style Tip when it comes to making a statement, treat bold patterns like neutrals go wild like an untamed animal. Print area rug under a rustic farmhouse table from wayfair.com fierce. This has been your Wayfair style tip to keep those interiors superior.
Mary Livingston
Wayfair, Every style, every home.
Jack Benny
That was two tickets to Georgia played by Frank Black and his Cotton Club Orchestra. Very good, Frank. Great. Say, Frank, I want to ask you something. You know, after all, I mean, you're a musician. You know music. What do you think? I mean, this is really personal. What do you think of that violin solo I played last Friday on Ladies Night? You know. Well, Jack, I, I. Oh, you won't talk, eh? Well. Well, do you really want me to tell you the truth? Never mind, Frank. It's a long program, you know. I don't want to go through that.
Mary Livingston
Well, Jack.
Jack Benny
What is it, Mary? What?
Mary Livingston
Here's some fan mail. You got an answer to your Ladies Night program last Friday?
Jack Benny
Oh, yes. You remember, folks, we had the Ladies Night, remember last Friday night. We got some very lovely wires and letters regarding that program. Here's one I'd like to read. Here's a wire from the Ladies Tea Club in Dunk Center, Ohio. It says, we thought your Ladies Night was a complete failure. We sent our husbands out so we could listen into your program. And we weren't even embarrassed. What happened to the farmer's daughter? Ah, she's an old lady. Now, here's a letter. Here's a letter from Omaha, Nebraska. From a Ladies Bridge circle. It says, we heard your program last Friday night. You can fool some of the people all of the time and all of the people some of the time. But this Friday, we're going to bed early. Oh, well, you can't please everybody. Oh, here's one from a man in lunch wagon, Ohio. It says, congratulations on your Ladies night. Did I enjoy you? My wife and I. My wife and I haven't been separated in 20 years. But on your Ladies night, she gave me the night off and $10. And did I enjoy you? Oh, well, you can't please everybody. Thanks, boys. You just heard from the Chevrolet section. And now, James Melton, our own Jimmy, 6ft 2, bless his little heart, will add a little class to this program by singing that popular Irish ballad, Mavis. Thank you, Jack. You're welcome, Jimmy. Say, Jimmy, before you sing, Jimmy, let me ask you one thing. What did you really think? No, I mean, what did you really think of my violin solo last Friday? You know, I can't get anything out of Frank Black. I mean, tell me this truth, Jimmy. What did you really think of it? Well, now, Jack, if you must know, I think you're a swell fellow. Thanks. But I mean my. I mean, my violin. My violin solo. Jimmy, you know, I think you're a gentleman, A scholar. And I think you're one of the finest chaps I've ever met. I know, Jim.
Mary Livingston
Yeah.
Jack Benny
I mean, my huge, fine comedian with a good gift of gas. But, Jimmy, I mean, what did you think of my violin? That's what I'm coming to. You got personality, magnetism and a fiddle. But if you can play that fiddle. And my name is Albert Einstein. Thanks, Albert. Sing, Einstein. What do they know about music? It's not appreciated. Play Frank.
Jimmy Melton
O may it awake and remember look out from your lattice and the world is awaiting your bridal. The earth, the earth and the sea Upright sun before you is singing only to end up sunlight and fumes under the joy in my heart. My son, his singing I welcome to you.
Mary Livingston
Sweet.
Jimmy Melton
The children are to be the meadow of love. A little white of the skin of.
Jack Benny
The body.
Jimmy Melton
Is white with blossom of.
Jack Benny
Men.
Jimmy Melton
And through is the heart of yon who wait for your coming.
Mary Livingston
Today.
Jimmy Melton
The earth from for a departure pouring on your hand to die. Your pieces of losing has brought you from alas abhorrence and divine. Your white tail was woven by Paris from the top the mountain and dew and they wait for your awaking my journey.
Jack Benny
This morning.
Nicole Byer
We interrupt this program to bring you an important Wayfarer message. Wayfair's got style tips for every home. This is Nicole Byer helping you make those rooms flyer. Today's style tip when it comes to making a statement, treat bold patterns like neutrals. Go wild like an untamed animal. Print area rug under a rustic farmhouse table. From wayfair.com. ooh, fierce. This has been your Wayfair style tip to keep those interiors superior.
Mary Livingston
Wayfair. Every style, every home.
Jack Benny
Well, great. Yes, sir. Yes, sir. Ladies and gentlemen, that. That was Albert Einstein singing or Jimmy Melton singing maybe. And next week he will give you his theory on his relative. And now tonight folks, just as we forgot to promise you last week, we are going to offer for the big feature of our program a dramatic play. A play of the gay 90s. Not the roaring 40s or the bowering 50s, but the gay 90s. When men wore celluloid collars and girls wore five piece bathing suits. Yes, ladies and gentlemen, we're going to give you our version of that famous Mae west picture. He done them wrong. He done them wrong. And we're gonna do them right now. The action takes place on the Bowery in New York. The Bowery in those days was equivalent to a punch in the nose, a stolen watch or bow. You have no doubt seen this picture in which Mae west plays the part of a lady known as Lou. Lou was a Nice girl. And every man who fell in love with her gave her a diamond. She had 13 sweethearts which gave her a grand slam in diamonds. Now the members of our program will play the part in this show. And Howard Claney will play the parts of the Chevrolet that you can be sure of. Mary Livingston will take the part of Lou. While I, Jack Benny the Barrymore of the Heir, will play the part of Cummings. Cummings the mission worker. Our supporting cast includes Mr. Ralph Ash, who will assume the role of spider the bartender. Mr. Ash has had many years of stage experience. Having been 20 years with the old homestead, 30 years with AB's Irish Rose. And he will be back in the Old Homestead after tonight's performance. Our little play will go on immediately after the next number. So pick out a good feet close to your radio. First come. First come. And now Frank Black will play a brand new number called the Grass is Getting Greener all the Time. And who do you think is going to sing the chorus? Give up Mary Livingston. Are you nervous, Mary?
Mary Livingston
Uh huh.
Jack Benny
Really? This is the first time, you know, she'll ever be heard in song over the air. She ever was heard rather. And Mary, what gives you the courage to sing?
Mary Livingston
I heard you play the violin last week.
Jack Benny
Ah, yes, yes, yes. What repartee. Play, Frank.
Mary Livingston
Sam. Oh, the weatherman said that the weather ahead will soon be dry and I think she's right. Cause the grass getting greener all the time. And my lovey grass said when the roses are red we'll name the day and I'm glad to say that the grass doesn't ring her all the time. Is he wonderful? Well am I glad that I fell. Does he go for me? Well we're both chasing for the ring we're the queen of Dundee all the birdies and me Three birds are song and it won't be long Cause the grass getting greener every day.
Jack Benny
That was fine, Mary. You have a slow. Were you nervous? Did you hear it, Ma? That babe is jealous. Ah, that was fine. Mary. Oh, Mary.
Mary Livingston
Ms. Livingston to you.
Jack Benny
Oh, I see. That's the way they are when they get up in the world. Well, now for our play. She done him right. The opening scene takes place in Spider Webb's bar room on the Bowery in the year 1898. You ready boys? Everything set? All right, Frank. A little curtain. Hey, wait a minute. Wait a minute, Frank. Wait, wait. This Rem West Clay. Wait a minute. Oh, take it again.
Howard Claney
Come on, Come on B. And have one in the house. What's it going to be?
Jack Benny
One Vanilla punch. I'll have a Tony Fruity with a.
Howard Claney
One Tootie coming up.
Jack Benny
Make spine a banana split straight. Ah, drunkards, drunkards, all of them. Yay. And verily, yes, a lot of forgotten souls. Ah, but they can be saved.
Howard Claney
I never did like that snooper. The less I see of him around this joint, the better I like him.
Jack Benny
Who's he? Spider.
Howard Claney
Spider Cummings. The guy that runs the mission next door.
Jack Benny
Oh, yeah? Well, give me another Pineapple Crush and make mine a beer.
Howard Claney
Not till April 7th.
Jack Benny
The theme now changes to Miss Lou's.
Albert Einstein
Dressing room on the third floor.
Mary Livingston
Auntie and Johnny were sweethearts. Hello? Hello, Seswee? Yes, sir. Yes, sir. You want to speak in this, Lou? Yes, or she's here. Just a minute. I'll call her. Who is it from, anything? It's that Mr. Cummings from the mission. He wants to speak to you all. Oh, that mission guy, eh? It's about time he called. Hello, dark and handsome. So you finally decided to call me, eh? Well, what's on your mind, big boy? Listen, hon, why don't you come up sometime? I say, why don't you come up sometime? You'll be right over. Okay, sugar. So long. Well, take that bucket and bring me my diamond. Ms. Lou, you sure is like the Northwest Mountain. You always get your man. Why, Slendra, you have your boyfriends too, haven't you? Just a man. How about show up? This is Friday.
Jack Benny
Did I write that line?
Mary Livingston
Who is it? I think it's Spider, Miss Lou. My shy.
Jack Benny
That was me, folks. Mary, stick to your character.
Howard Claney
Hello, Lou.
Mary Livingston
Oh, it's you, Spider.
Howard Claney
Listen, Lou, I just heard some bad news.
Mary Livingston
Fill it.
Howard Claney
Your old sweetheart, Chick Anderson just broke out of the pen and he's coming here to get you.
Mary Livingston
Oh, yeah?
Howard Claney
Yeah, and he's 24. You should have gone up to see him, Lou.
Mary Livingston
So Chick blew the coupe, eh?
Howard Claney
Yeah, Chick blew the Coop and the Tick.
Frank Black
Cylinder Coupe Chevrolet for 445 is the best buy on the market today.
Jack Benny
Howard. Howard, this play is bad enough. Stay out of it with a blazer.
Howard Claney
I'm just tipping your offset. Be careful, Lou. Now, let me tell you another thing. There's something screwy about that missionary guy, Cummings.
Mary Livingston
What do you mean?
Howard Claney
I mean this. He ain't no missionary guy at all. He's an old stick around here they call the Hawk.
Mary Livingston
The Hawk? How do you know?
Howard Claney
I saw the picture.
Jack Benny
I was with him, folks. He's right. I was with him. We saw the.
Mary Livingston
So that's the Hawk. Well, leave them to me, Spider. And I'll Scram. So that missionary guy is a hawk way. Oh, well, he can be a pain. Selyndra, you can go if you want to. Thank you, Ms. Le. Cause I've got to take my little brother to the doctor. He ain't feeling so good. What's the matter? Is he sick? Belinda? Yes.
Jack Benny
And.
Mary Livingston
And the Chevrolet is the best fixed Alyndra car in the low price field.
Jack Benny
Thanks, Alyndra. Here's your dollar.
Mary Livingston
Hey, if you need me next week, I can do wireless too.
Jack Benny
Beat it. When else?
Mary Livingston
I wonder what's keeping that guy coming. What can it be?
Jack Benny
I'm coming. I'm coming. My head and bended low.
Mary Livingston
Come in.
Jack Benny
Wait till I knock on the door.
Mary Livingston
Oh, come in. Hello, dark and handsome.
Jack Benny
Hello, sweet and careless.
Mary Livingston
Sit down, big boy. I was afraid you weren't coming up. How'd you get away from the mission?
Jack Benny
I was missing you, Lou. I tried to stay away, but I can't.
Mary Livingston
Couldn't. Oh, yeah.
Jack Benny
It's the truth, Lou. I can't sleep. I don't eat. I can't think. I keep trying to forget you, Lou, but I can't.
Mary Livingston
Oh, yeah?
Jack Benny
Yeah. You're beautiful, Lou. Your hair is like the golden sunshine. Your eyes shine like the diamonds on your wrist. And your teeth are like pearls. Coarse pearl teeth are no bargain either. You know I mean. Ah, kiss me, Lou. Kiss me.
Mary Livingston
Take it easy, flat foot. Now get this and get this straight. You ain't putting nothing over on me. You ain't bringing me bracelets. You're bringing me handcuffs. And they ain't no good to me because I sing with gestures.
Jack Benny
Well, I'm gesture gigolo. Gesture gigolo. Me singing folks.
Mary Livingston
I'm wise to you, big boy. You're the Hawk.
Jack Benny
Yes, I'm the Hawk.
Mary Livingston
Well, then Hawk be German. I gotta get out of town. If you poor ticket here.
Jack Benny
Who is that? Lou?
Howard Claney
Lou.
Jack Benny
Lou.
Howard Claney
Tick is on his way up there and he's toting a gun. You better beat it.
Mary Livingston
You better get out of here. Come. Because Tick takes you too. He'll kill both of us.
Jack Benny
No, Lou, no. I can't leave you alone. I'm going to stay here and protect you.
Mary Livingston
Don't worry about me. I can handle him. Quick. Hide in that closet.
Jack Benny
All right. Goodbye, Lou.
Mary Livingston
The long handsome come up again.
Jack Benny
I'm in Lou's closet now, folks.
Howard Claney
Oh, hello, Jack.
Jack Benny
Frank Black. What are you doing here?
Howard Claney
Believe it or not, Chick hates me too.
Jimmy Melton
Oh, Mavis. May. May, the birds are.
Jack Benny
Jimmy Nelson. What are you doing here? I'm Lou's singing teacher.
Howard Claney
And Chick hates me, too.
Jack Benny
My goodness, Chick hates all of us.
Frank Black
But he can't hate the Chevrolet 6, the most dependable car in the road.
Jack Benny
And next week, folks, from May west to East Lynn, a play of the south.
Albert Einstein
For the benefit of those who have tuned in late, let me repeat. Starting tomorrow and continuing throughout the month of April, as a feature of National Drive a Chevrolet month, a brand new Chevrolet 6, America's largest selling motor car, will be given away every day absolutely free. 30 days, 30 cars, one car every day. So if you would like to win a new Chevrolet, visit any Chevrolet dealer. Take a trial drive in a new Chevrolet 6. Find out what it means to ride in a big, comfortable Fisher body car. A smooth, speedy, responsive trick. Get acquainted with Fisher no draft, ventilation, the Starterator and other new Chevrolet inventions. Then, after your ride is over, write down on an official entry blank which you must get from the Chevrolet dealer your reasons for liking the new Chevrolet six. And if you're thinking of buying a new Chevrolet right away, you have all the more reasons for doing so at once. For if you do buy a Chevrolet between now and the end of the contest and then win a free car, you have the option of accepting either a free car or cash equivalent to the free car's retail delivered price. So be sure to see your Chevrolet dealer right away and find out how easy it is to win a new Chevrolet 6 absolutely free. Good night, folks. Good night. Significant.
Podcast Summary: Jack Benny Program 33-03-31 (082) "She Done Him Right"
Podcast Information:
Overview
In this episode of the Jack Benny Program, listeners are treated to a blend of humor, music, audience interaction, and a theatrical performance titled "She Done Him Right." Hosted by the legendary Jack Benny, the show features interactions with characters such as Mary Livingston, Frank Black's orchestra, and guest performer Jimmy Melton. The episode skillfully weaves comedic sketches with musical interludes, showcasing Jack Benny's signature wit and timing.
The program kicks off with Jack Benny delivering his characteristic monologue, introducing the latest news with a humorous twist.
Notable Quotes:
Benny humorously references global events, blending real news with fictional anecdotes, maintaining an engaging and light-hearted tone.
Throughout the program, Jack engages in playful banter with fellow cast members Mary Livingston and Frank Black's orchestra.
This exchange showcases the dynamic chemistry between the cast, setting the stage for upcoming segments.
A significant portion of the episode is dedicated to reading and responding to fan mail, adding an interactive element to the show.
Jack humorously addresses both positive and critical feedback from listeners, highlighting his ability to engage with the audience.
Notable Quotes:
These interactions emphasize Jack's self-deprecating humor and his knack for turning criticism into comedy.
The episode features a musical interlude performed by Jimmy Melton, adding variety and entertainment value.
Notable Quotes During Interaction:
Jimmy's heartfelt performance contrasts with Jack's comedic segments, showcasing the program's diverse appeal.
The highlight of the episode is the live performance of the play "She Done Him Right," a comedic take on Mae West's famous works.
Setting and Characters:
Plot Summary: The play unfolds in Spider Webb's bar room on the Bowery in 1898. Lou is a sought-after woman with multiple suitors, each vying for her attention. The tension escalates when Chick Anderson, a recently escaped convict, arrives to claim Lou. It is eventually revealed that Cummings, the mission worker, is actually the Hawk, posing a threat to Lou. The comedic interactions culminate in a confrontation where Lou outsmarts the Hawk, leading to a humorous resolution.
Notable Quotes:
The play intersperses humor with clever dialogue, highlighting the actors' comedic timing and the show's ability to perform live theatrical pieces seamlessly.
Throughout the episode, Chevrolet advertisements are cleverly integrated into the program without disrupting the flow.
Frank Black (02:00): “The best reasons for liking the new Chevrolet, the best in the opinions of the judges, win the free Chevrolet cars.”
Albert Einstein (30:23): “Starting tomorrow and continuing throughout the month of April, as a feature of National Drive a Chevrolet month, a brand new Chevrolet 6...”
These segments are presented in a manner that complements the show's content, maintaining listener engagement while promoting the brand.
As the program draws to a close, Jack Benny wraps up the evening with plans for future episodes and acknowledges the contributions of his cast.
He humorously hints at upcoming content and maintains his signature comedic flair until the end.
Conclusion
This episode of the Jack Benny Program masterfully blends comedy, music, audience interaction, and live theater, encapsulating the essence of Golden Age radio entertainment. Jack Benny's impeccable timing, combined with the talents of his co-stars, creates an engaging and memorable listening experience. Whether through humorous monologues, heartfelt performances, or interactive fan mail segments, the show delivers a well-rounded and entertaining program that resonates with both contemporary and modern audiences.
Notable Timestamped Quotes:
These quotes encapsulate key moments of humor, character development, and the show's interactive nature.
For More Episodes: Subscribe to Harold's Old Time Radio to explore more classic radio programs from the Golden Age, featuring beloved shows like "The Shadow," "Abbott & Costello," "Amos & Andy," "Dragnet," and many others.